by Kay


He found it extremely ironic, and a little frightening, that the men he was attracted to were almost as bad as the women he had tried to convince himself he wanted.  In trying to force himself into a heterosexual role, he had gone after the Slayer, a witch, a Prom Queen, various supernaturally-influenced girls, and a former vengeance demon.

The men?  There really weren't that many.  He'd done a good job of denial. Cleopatra had nothing on him.

Angel.  Xander was impressed by how well he'd managed to fool himself, and everyone else, into believing that he hated the souled vampire with a passion that verged on religious fervor.

More like he had wanted the taller man so bad he could barely stand to be in the same room and not jump him.

That relationship had been as screwed-up as any he'd ever had with a woman. More, actually.  It couldn't even really be called a relationship, except maybe in a Jerry Springer sort of way, and Xander refused to believe that his life was so messed up that it had to be classified in Springer terminology.

And now Spike.  Spike, with his delicious accent, his cutting humor, his lovely pale skin.  Spike, exuding menace and vampiric sexiness all over the place, everywhere he went.  Sometimes Xander was surprised not to find physical traces of the other man's appeal on everything he touched, as if his attractiveness were a substance he actually oozed.

He'd always been attracted to the vampire.  He knew that now that he was finally admitting the truth to himself.  The fact that he didn't have to fear for his life every time he saw him now only added to his interest.  Oh, the adrenaline-producing edge of menace was still there, thankfully, only now the unpleasant incapacitating terror aspect of it had vanished.

Xander found himself liking Spike.  The blond man's nasty comments never really bothered him; growing up in his house had rendered him immune to verbal abuse.  Hell, hanging out with the rest of the Scooby Gang had made sure he was invulnerable.  He wasn't sure if any words would ever be able to faze him.

So, to sum up, he had pretty much added a non-souled vampire to his list of romantic/lustful disasters.

Jerry Springer class was too good for him.

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