Rating: NC-17 Spike/Xander For Secondverse. A sequel to our co-written Coming Around Again
Some Things Stay the Same
Despite the fact that he'd been starving, Xander had been careful not to eat too much at Christmas dinner. Which had turned out to be a good thing when he and Spike had made the announcement that he was moving back to London, because there had been enough bone-crushing hugs that throwing up might have been a very realistic result of his friends' enthusiasm.
Much as he loved them, he was glad when he and Spike said good night and headed back down to the carriage house. It was even colder than it had been before, Xander's breath making little white clouds as they walked. They didn't say anything, but it was a comfortable kind of silence.
Well, that and an anticipatory kind of silence, Xander thought, since they both knew what came next.
They went inside, Spike shutting the door behind them and taking off his coat. He hung it up, then turned and took Xander's, hanging that up, too, on top of his own. "Gotta get another hook," Spike said, nodding at the wall.
"Yeah," Xander said. It all felt so... unreal. "I'm not dreaming, am I?" he asked.
"What? No." Spike looked at him funny, like he wasn't sure if Xander was kidding. "You okay, love?"
Xander nodded. "Sorry. I'm just having one of those this-can't-be-real moments."
Spike's expression softened. "Yeah. Had one of those earlier."
"Really?" Xander sat down on the edge of the nearest chair to take off his shoes. "When?"
Just like he had the night before, when Xander had been all woozy and exhausted, Spike knelt down on the floor and started to untie Xander's shoes. "When Dawn and Red were shrieking in that fingernails on a blackboard way and hugging you so hard I thought you were gonna puke." Xander laughed and Spike looked up at him. "What's so funny?"
"Oh, you know," Xander said. "Brain sharing."
Spike put Xander's shoes over to one side and rested both hands on Xander's knees, looking up at him steadily, blue eyes searching Xander's face.
"What?" Xander whispered.
"Come to bed with me, Xan," Spike said softly. "Been waiting long enough, don't you think?"
And suddenly, Xander couldn't say anything. He couldn't do anything, either, except nod and let Spike pull him to his feet and into the bedroom, where the vampire left him standing beside the bed long enough to turn on a small lamp across the room.
"Want to see you," Spike explained, as he started to undress. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly, pulling it back over his slim shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. His skin glowed like alabaster in the low light, and Xander's hands itched to touched him, but he still couldn't move. Spike licked his lips and undid his slacks, pushing them down. When he straightened up again, he was naked, his cock hard.
Xander had to swallow and remember to breathe as Spike moved behind him, one hand sliding up underneath Xander's shirt over his bare skin.
"Haven't forgotten how you taste," Spike whispered into Xander's ear, and Xander groaned. Spike's hand moved lower, palming Xander's erection through his pants, and Xander realized, suddenly and painfully, that he was letting Spike be the one in control. Again, just like he almost always had. It hadn't worked before.
He needed it to be different now.
"No," Xander said, turning and taking Spike's face between his hands, because he didn't want there to be any misunderstandings. "No. Let me do this, okay?"
Spike's eyes searched his, then the vampire nodded. Xander walked him backward, toward the bed, pushing him down onto it and running a hand down along Spike's bare thigh, watching Spike's cock twitch in response.
He undressed standing next to the bed, comfortably conscious of the fact that Spike was watching him. He dropped his shirt onto the floor. Took off his pants and underwear and socks and crawled up onto the bed next to Spike.
"I'm going to touch you now," Xander said, leaning down so that his mouth was near Spike's ear, his voice low. "And then I'm going to kiss you. All over. And once I've finished doing that... once you want me so much you can't stand it... then I'm going to fuck you."
Spike shivered and made a sound that was something like a groan, but he didn't say anything.
Reaching out a hand, Xander ran his fingertips over Spike's lips and along his jaw line. Barely touching, he ghosted his fingers down over Spike's chest, watching his nipples tighten in response and taking a deep breath to keep his hand from shaking. Doing this slowly was harder than he'd thought it would be, but he was determined to do it right.
Still with the lightest touch possible, he stroked his hand over Spike's belly, down over the outside of Spike's thigh and back up the inside to linger, not quite touching at all now, just above his balls and cock. Spike trembled, his muscles taut, and he breathed Xander's name in a whisper that hung in the air.
"Love you," Xander said softly, and pressed a kiss to the base of Spike's shaft, trying not to let Spike's small, eager cry drive any semblance of control from him.
Slowly, Xander scattered kisses in a careful pattern that wouldn't have made sense to anyone but him along Spike's body, relearning something he'd never completely forgotten no matter how hard he'd tried. Spike ran gentle fingers through his hair and murmured his name as he licked at one nipple and then the other, inhaling Spike's scent, tasting his skin.
"God, I missed this. Missed you so much," Xander whispered. His dick felt hard enough to drill through stone, and the air in the room seemed like it had enough oxygen to keep his body going forever, but neither of those things were important. What was important was that he was here, with Spike, and they were together, and everything was back the way it was supposed to be.
Spike writhed underneath him, gasping at each touch. "Xander. God, love, please."
"Yeah," Xander said, licking his fingers and slipping them down below Spike's cock to rub over the tight entrance to his body, pressing one fingertip inside and feeling Spike's body clench around him. He gasped. "Oh God. Please tell me you have lube somewhere."
"Drawer," Spike said, jerking his head in that direction.
Xander moved as quickly as he could, retrieving the lube and noting the other thing that Spike apparently kept next to the bed. "You use that?" he asked, pushing two lube-wet fingers into Spike and watching his face, seeing his eyes widen and his jaw tighten.
Spike's lips were parted. "Yeah," he said, gaze smoldering. "Pretend it's you."
It wasn't hard to picture, Spike fucking himself with a dildo as he jerked off, shuddering and gasping and coming. It made Xander half-crazy, picturing it, and he lined up and shoved inside, forgetting that he wanted to be gentle, forgetting that he wanted this to last, forgetting everything but the fact that he needed to be fucking Spike now. "Oh, fuck," Xander gasped, and did.
They moved together, Spike's hands at Xander's lower back, clutching onto him like Spike was afraid Xander would stop. He kissed Spike fiercely, promising himself that next time things would be different, that next time it would be slow and gentle.
This time, he thought it would be a miracle if he survived.
His heart was pounding in his ears as he fucked Spike, their mouths tasting each other like they were starving, and they were making enough noise that Xander would have been embarrassed if there'd been anyone to hear them, which thankfully there wasn't. Not that he would have been able to stop himself right then anyway.
"God," Spike choked out, spreading his thighs wider, opening himself up for Xander to fuck. "God, yeah."
Xander got a hand between them and started to stroke Spike's cock as he thrust. "Love you, Spike. Want to see you. Just like you did before, only now it's really me."
Spike made another one of those choked, desperate sounds, almost a growl, really, and his body went taut like a bow string, practically lifting Xander up off the bed. And Spike started to come, and then he moved, his hands grabbing onto Xander's ass and pulling him deeper, deeper, meeting every thrust, and Xander was coming, too. He cried out as it rushed over him unexpectedly, hot waves of release leaving him dizzy and breathless as Spike pulled him down into a sticky embrace.
"Shh, love. It's all right," Spike murmured, holding onto him as he groaned and trembled.
"I love you," Xander said. He didn't realize until he heard his own voice that he was crying, didn't understand until right then why his cheek was hot and wet. "God, Spike..."
"I know," Spike soothed him. "I know. But it's all right. We're both here now."
The fact that it was all right when it just as easily couldn't have been -- when Xander could have been back in California, miserable and not wanting to admit why -- made it harder, and he spent longer than he would have liked clinging to Spike with Spike petting his hair and kissing him and telling him he loved him. Words he would have seriously considered giving his other eye to hear back before he'd left. Words that Spike kept gifting him with now.
"Been through too much the past couple of days," Spike said, handing him the box of tissues when it was clear he was done. "Makes sense you'd be on edge."
"I don't know," Xander said, wiping his eye and nose and sniffling. "That might have been a little less 'on edge' and a little more 'falling over the cliff.'" He rubbed at his bad eye through the patch, trying to get the ache to subside.
"Here -- let me do that." Spike urged Xander to lie down on his side with his cradled on his arm and slipped the eye patch off, rubbing so gently at the ruined flesh underneath that Xander had to remind himself to breathe. It was so... intimate. "This okay?" Spike asked.
"Yeah," Xander whispered, his other eye closing as Spike thinned the edges of the ache until it all blended away. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
He could hear the frown in Spike's voice. "What for?"
"For..." Nope, he still couldn't have a casual conversation that included the word 'fucking.' "For before. I wanted it to be, you know... special."
"Xander Harris," Spike said, so sternly that Xander had to open his eye and look at him. "Why the bloody hell don't you realize that was special?"
Xander realized his mistake. "No, I meant... I wanted it to be different. Gentle. You know?"
Luckily, Spike did. "Yeah, I know. Were a bit too eager, weren't we? But it's okay." He leaned in and kissed Xander. "There's always next time."
And that, Xander thought with a sense of relief so profound that his chest hurt, might have been the most beautiful phrase he'd ever heard. "Next time," he said, as they settled down with their arms around each other, "I'm going to make you beg."
Spike laughed. "You think so?"
"I know so," Xander said.
"Next time I might want to fuck you," Spike said, running his hand down Xander's spine to cup his ass.
That made Xander shiver, but not in a bad way. "You'd better be nice to me," he said, a little bit faintly.
"Oh, I will be," Spike said, licking at his ear. "Very, very nice. Gonna make you scream."
Unbelievably, Xander felt himself getting hard again. "Do you think next time could be now?" he asked hopefully, and smiled when Spike pulled back just enough to look into his eyes and nod.
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