2nd in the Virtue Series

Pairing: S/X
Summary: Spikes faith in Xander in coming to get him in the morning.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just use em abuse em and then give em back to their nice owners.
AN:  After mucho urging from all the people on the m-mslashaholics list, I am gonna turn this into a series of sorts.  If you donít like itÖ blame them, I swear they sent the bunnies after me.



Virtue Series


by
Trixx



Faith

Itís dark and cold, so cold, shouldnít feel the cold but I do, he warmed me, held me, I felt warm for hours afterwards, now Iím just cold.  Dead, itís what I am; I donít mind it so much sometimes, except for the cold, so bloody cold.  Doesnít help that Iím sitting on the hard cold ground, in the basement, rocking back and forth listening to the voices mumble something in my ear, donít wanna listen, but I always do, they always make me listen, whispering nasty nothing in my ears till I think Iím gonna scream, donít wanna scream want to stay here and whimper silently, didnít think you could ever whimper silently but Iíve figured out how to do it, donít want to be loud, the dark and nasties might find me, donít want them to find me, want to hide, disappear, be alone in the dark, it donít work that way, Iím never alone, never alone.

I hear his soft footfalls coming towards me, and I think I can hear his heartbeat over the voices; heís starting to drown them out, home, thatís all I feel when heís near is home.  Heís gonna gather me into his arms and scold me, for running off again, didnít meant to, but they called, this place called and I had to come, didnít want to, had to.  Heís getting closer and now I can smell him, he invades me, surrounds me, he smells safe, he keeps me safe, I need him, so I begin to whimper in earnest, no silence for me, not anymore I want him to find me, take me away, scare the voices away, make them go away!  Bugger all, theyíre whispering about my Xan now, they want him, the purity, his light, they want to devour it, take him whole, and he still comes, he knows, heís always known that he was a target, I can see the long fingered talons of darkness spreading in, coming closer to him, calling him, it wants him, wants him, devour him whole, wants him in the darkness with me, but I want to be in the light, was the whole bloody point of getting this soul in the first place, so I could dance in the light with the Slayer.

I start to gag as that thought crosses my mind, donít want the slayer no more, donít want her, hurt her, donít want to hurt anyone anymore, just wanna rock, rocking makes me safe, cause then the nasties canít catch me, but Xanís coming, his scent, his heartbeat louder now, heís close, too close, heís hereÖ touching my face, wiping my tears away, turning my face up to his, heís still wiping my tears away, stroking my hair, soothing, Xan is soothing me, soothe the savage beast, sing to me Xan sing to me the way you can with your hands, the way you touch me sings to me, touch me Xan, I need to be touched.

I leave him every day and Iím never sure if this is the day heís gonna say the heck with it, and not come after me.  Iím never sure, but he always comes, comes to claim me back from the voices, back from the dead that hold me, the ghosts that tear me apart.  He comes and simply is.  He is everything I want to be, and everything Iím terrified of, the things Iíve killed off in myself so long ago.  He simply touches me, and it's enough.  It's always enough, and I know, itís a simple understanding, goes deeper than words, goes deeper than I thought it ever could, it goes deeper than I want it to, than Iím sure Iím ready for, he touches me and all is right.  

He takes me in his arms, it's tradition now, takes me in his arms, and cradles me against his chest until my tears subside and I give a semblance of calm, then he lifts me, cause heís learned that I canít walk when I leave the darkness here.   He carries me the whole way home, and he saves me, the slayerís white knight has shown day after day that Iím worth saving, that he believes Iím worth saving, and he never says a word, just continues in silence, carrying me home, putting me to bed, heís always so gentle, but he never says a word, and it's his silence that I find most comforting, cause the voices weigh me down, and he just lets me be.




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