Naughty Nick and the Evil Elf

Tisienne Blue

Part Three

“Bloody hell,” Spike groaned as the damned sleigh landed yet again. “ ‘s this night ever goin’ ta end, mate?”

William was still angry, of course; he had been since his brother had shoved him out onto the roof of their house. Still, he couldn’t help but agree with the bleached blond’s sentiment. It felt like they’d been delivering bloody presents for centuries!

Land the sleigh. Down the chimney—or through the window, which was more common, actually. Empty the bloody sack. Back to the sleigh and on to their next stop.

It was not only interminable but… rather boring, if William were being honest. Even their deliveries to the demonic residences had gone smoothly and without incident.

He growled softly at his brother, flashing him one golden, slitted gaze as he climbed slowly from the sleigh. “These bloody… tights are riding up again,” he snarled, trying to shift them without actually pulling and tugging at them like some sort of common laborer.

Spike smirked in his comfortable and loose outfit, one thumb hooking over the broad, shiny black belt that surrounded his trim waist. “ ‘f it helps at all, Will, you look a treat.” His tongue curled behind his teeth as he gave his brother a slow, greedy stare. “Be nice ta get you out of those things, too. Like unwrappin’ a very special pressie all for me, yah?”

William growled again. “Unfortunately for you, dearest, it doesn’t help even slightly. And there will be no… unwrapping of me. Not by you. It is entirely your fault that I’m even in this predicament, Spike! You’ll be lucky to get your end away before this time next year!”

A loud snort echoed in the still air between them as Spike jumped down from the sleigh to join his twin. “Right, luv. Doubt you’d last a day. Now c’mon, Will. Want ta get us home so’s we can get you outta those tights.” He arched and then lowered his brows quickly, suggestively.

Actually, his anger aside, William did rather like the sound of that. They had both been somewhat distracted over the last few days and perhaps—just perhaps, of course—William’s ire was partly due to the fact that they’d only shagged five times in that span.

“Fine,” William muttered, sounding slightly petulant even to himself, “although who knows how much longer we will be required to continue this… assignment.”

Another smirk stretched Spike’s lips and he grasped the sack and hat before nodding at the sleigh console. “Red an’ green light says this ‘s like ta be our last stop, luv… can’t be more’n ten flats in th’ buildin’, right? Be home before you know it, won’t we?”

And with an end actually in sight, Will found himself in a much better mood. “So what precisely are we waiting for, beloved?” he demanded almost impatiently.


He was still waiting for boobies when the two men in the film—one larger and brunette, the other blond and slighter but still built for sex—fell into each other on the screen.

His booze-sodden mind didn’t quite register that one part of his body was becoming entirely tight and hard and ready just from that… and then the fumbling males seemed to find each others’ wants because the loud, low moans mixed with the rhythm of the writhing and Xander thought that this was possibly the best porno he’d ever seen…

And then the larger body had the smaller laid out flat and there were long, slender legs over broad shoulders… and the dark-haired man was driving his tongue deep into the blond’s obviously tight ass…

One hand dipped into his boxers as Xander breathed shakily, watching as closely as his bleary eyes would allow. “Oh… yeah… give ‘t to ‘im…” he muttered, his voice slurring as only close to two bottles of liquor could cause. “Wants it… let ‘im have it…”

The film cut to a different angle, showing the blond’s face from above as his ass was plundered wetly, and Xander couldn’t decide what was more exciting—the look on the blond’s face or the way the brunette was making that same smaller man gasp.

His free hand pushed the boxers down his legs, almost to his knees… and some drunken shifting that almost had him falling off of the couch soon had the cotton looped around only one ankle as he spread his legs and reclined, head lolling on the padded sofa-back as he watched fixedly from beneath hooded eyelids.

A small groan emerged from gaping lips as Xander watched the larger brunette pull his tongue from the blond and shift the slightly smaller man up to hands and knees… and the groan built when thick fingers opened that tiny hole with the aid of spit.

“Tha’s gotta hurt,” he grunted, stroking himself and wishing he wasn’t quite so drunk because in his current state he couldn’t decide which of the men he’d rather be. The looks on both faces were so… and a bit of pain had never bothered him, after all. If it had, he never would have spent so long with Anya, would he?

And then came the part that he was glad he was drunk for, because the bigger man—the darker-haired one—suddenly pulled his fingers from that truly tiny hole and put the head of his… thing… at it and…

“Oh, God…”

His hand clamped tightly around the base of his shaft out of pure sympathy as the smaller guy was stabbed hard with it and cried out, and that was a good thing, Xander thought muzzily a moment later, because otherwise he would have cum and missed the look of sheer bliss on the blond’s face as that long, thick cock slammed inside, and…

He grabbed the open bottle of Jack from the floor beside the sofa and took a long swig, even as his other hand began its slow stroking again, and if he’d been able to truly think, he would have thanked Anya for the many, many months of training that allowed him to be hard even while the rest of his body felt so… loose.

As it was, though, he was hard… and throbbing… but he’d be damned if he was going to let himself cum before there were boobies.

The two guys fucking were definitely hot, but he wasn’t gay, so… yeah, he’d wait until there were chicks joining in.

And then the brunette man pulled back, the camera angle showing that he truly was ‘bareback’… pulled out completely… and the next shot was of the blond man’s face as he was speared again, and… “God…”

There was something just so free in the blond’s expression. Like he wasn’t even a little bit worried about what he was going to have to do to repay the pleasure he was obviously getting from the bigger man’s actions…

And there was something entirely rapturous in the dark-haired man’s face when the shot cut to him… something that said there wasn’t any sort of game being played; that he was doing this just because it felt so fucking fantastic and because he knew he was making the other man feel so damned good, and…

“Enos…’ the smaller form moaned, rocking back hard, while ‘Jock,’ the larger man grunted…

And then those bodies were bucking and heaving, rocking and writhing, and when the brunette pulled himself from the obviously reddened hole and spurted thick, viscous fluids over the blond’s pale back, Xander couldn’t help but stroke himself harder, faster, finally exploding roughly over his own fist and splattering his stomach and chest.

“Was… waiting for boobies,” he whispered as he pulsed his last… “waiting for…”

He barely managed to pull the edge of the throw Anya had left behind over himself as he passed out, the small portion of his mind that was semi-lucid ignoring the fact that there hadn’t actually been breasts… or even women.


“Oh, bloody hell,” Spike grumped as he and William approached the last apartment in the building. It was the closest one to both sleigh and roof, and while he would definitely have recognized the building if he’d come on it from street-level, he hadn’t when coming at it from above, but… “ ‘s th’ bloody whelp’s place!”

William groaned as well. He’d heard story after story detailing the Slayer’s boy’s stupidity, after all. Not to mention the prat’s cruelty to his brother when the chip had first been introduced and had made a sad mockery of what had once been a proud and vicious demon. Not that he’d ever say that bit out loud, of course, because he loved his twin and it wasn’t Spike’s fault… except that it was since he’d been so very insistent upon coming back to Sunnydale in the first place. Still…

“It’s alright, beloved,” he murmured. “Give me the sack and I’ll go in. I’ll leave the presents and come right back out and you won’t have to even see him, yes?”

Spike heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Yah, luv… should have just had that bloody snack Angelus offered me when I had th’ chance, right?”

A small, loving smile quirked William’s lips. “Perhaps, dearest. Although it might have been rather difficult to… live, considering the fact that he was only using the boy as a distraction. None the less, I am rather curious to see this so-called White Knight up close.” He leaned in, pecking Spike’s lips lightly. “I’ve never seen a human who’s bluffed Angelus before,” he admitted with a sheepish grin.

The bleached blond snorted, even as he passed the magicked sack to his twin.

“Trust me, mate. You won’t be bloody well impressed. Just a soft, pudgy donut-boy, this one. Not sure how he’s managed ta live as long as he has, am I?”


He made his way in through the door, just as he and Spike had done in every apartment building in Sunnydale.

It seemed their special outfits would allow them to do that, rather than requiring them to crawl up or down external walls where people might see, although it didn’t work that way on private dwellings so maybe it was simply to save time.

Still, all William did was reach out and turn the knob and the door opened. There weren’t even any clicking noises to announce that the locks had been disengaged for this purpose and this purpose only.

His brow furrowed slightly but then he was inside.

He spent a good few minutes looking for a tree.

He even looked in the bathroom, but… nothing.

There had to be one. William knew that much.

Even if it was merely a foot-tall artificial tree, it had to be there! Even the demon households they’d delivered to had had some sort of a tree, if only for the spawn and larvae.

Dark blond hair shifted slightly as William frowned more deeply and made himself breathe.

He took in the scents surrounding him, searching for pine… or an abundance of plastic, and…

It was then—as he was turning about in the main room of the apartment and smelling nothing but misery, despair, alcohol and… sex—that he saw the young man on the couch.

“Dearest,” he called softly, eyes still locked on the toned, tanned, muscled form before him, “are you certain that we’re in the right place? Perhaps the… donut-boy you mentioned has moved…?”

His hands itched to peel the bit of rayon weave from the young man’s body… to see what sort of prize was hidden underneath.

Spike snorted from his spot just outside the door. “Not likely, you git. Woulda heard, yah? Boy would never move without tellin’ his bints… an’ th’ Bit. Not a one of them know how ta keep their traps shut.”

And that was just… wonderful, William decided with a grin. “Yes,” he said quickly, eyes still traveling that long, toned body with heated desire, “you are undoubtedly correct. I will simply… leave the gifts. Perhaps you should return to the house, beloved. I will happily meet you there…”

‘After I sample the goods which are so very tempting,’ William told himself silently, placing the magic bag on the floor and opening the top, frowning slightly at the glittery glow that left it and then forgetting all about it as he looked again at the form on the sofa.

Oh, he wanted this human… and if his brother was too foolish to share that desire, then so be it.


There was a tightness to Will’s voice that was strange from the moment his brother had started speaking after entering Droopy’s flat.

That William had then suggested Spike leaving was what truly had the bleached blond entering, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

He didn’t see the Slayer there with a stake to William’s chest, though, so he chose to move around the couch and slide up beside his twin… and a moment later, his eyes followed the matching blue to…


Xander-bloody-Harris had muscles…?

In fact, the useless and complete waste of space had defined muscles… and was that bloody attractive under the hideous wardrobe he generally affected?

It was a stunning blow, but…

“Bloody hell,” Spike sighed, “Looks a right treat, don’t he?”

William jumped slightly at hearing Spike’s voice.

“I… yes, I suppose he might seem rather…”

“An’ you were goin’ ta keep him all for yourself, weren’t you pet?”

Well, it was hardly the first time Spike had caught him thinking with his private bits, after all.

“Yes,” William answered. “I was going to let you go home and then I was going to unwrap him… I was going to suck what I am entirely certain is a rather large cock until he came down my throat, dearest… and then I was going to fuck him. Long. Hard. Until he begged me to spill deep in his tight, human-hot ass. Is that what you wish to hear?” It was true, but somehow he hoped his brother took it as facetiousness.

Spike couldn’t help chuckling, even as he gazed at the long, tanned form on the couch.

“More like what I want ta do, Will,” he finally answered, “with th’ both of you.”

He stilled for a moment, smirking as his mind created pictures… but then sighed. “Never goin’ ta happen, though. Xander-bloody-Harris is straight as a soddin’ ruler. Don’t go in for blokes; not even a little. And I’m not seein’ these bloody outfits lettin’ us hurt th’ boy, are you?”

William sighed as well, turning to pick up the bag, and that’s when he saw it… the DVD case.

His eyes brightened and he picked it up, pressing it into Spike’s hand.

“So what you’re saying is… he’s so straight that he has this, beloved…?”

Spike’s gaze traveled repeatedly from the case to the brunette… from the brunette to his brother… from his brother to the DVD case…

“Know what I know,” he insisted. “Leastwise, I think I do. But…”

An entirely evil smirk lit up Spike’s face.

“Think we should play it, Will,” he suggested. “Last stop of th’ night, yah? Not like we’ve got pressin’ business, is ‘t?”

William chuckled softly, his free hand stroking lightly over the growing bulge in his elf-pants.

“Pressing enough, beloved, because I would really like to bury myself deep within this… stunning boy.”

And as Spike couldn’t argue with that, he nodded. “Right, then. Let’s unload th’ sack and get it back to th’ sleigh, yah? Then we can come right back an’… press ‘play’. An’ hopefully unload a coupla other sacs, yah?”

And as that seemed like a good plan, William merely nodded. “Indeed, dearest. I would be most intrigued to discover exactly what would make yon brunette scream… from something other than imminent death, of course.”

“Guess we’ll be findin’ out together, luv…”

Which was fine, they both admitted silently. After all, they always done everything together. They had been two parts of the same soul while human… and they still were, regardless of their morality-challenged state.

And now they had a new obsession, at least for the night.

It was good.

Part Four

“What now?” Spike demanded, giving his brother a glare when he saw William’s blue eyes jumping back and forth around the apartment rather than focusing on their new toy. “Tell me you’re not goin’ ta brood like soddin’ Angel because I’d have ta beat you senseless, mate.”

Will snorted softly. “I am rather certain that you know me better than that, dearest. I was merely wondering about yon boy’s lack of celebration. From what you’ve said in the past, I was under the impression that this was his favourite time of the year… indeed, for all of the ‘Scooby Gang’. And yet observe, beloved.”

He gestured at the bare walls, the lack of even a wreath to celebrate the season. “Perhaps it is a good thing that we stumbled upon him. Surely our… attentions,” he continued with a smirk, “will renew his joy, yes?”

“Don’t much care either way,” Spike answered, unbuckling the wide black belt and dropping it to the floor. “Bloke doesn’t ever have ta like it, far as I’m concerned, yah? Just another day for him is bloody well fine with me. Not like it matters, yah? Just goin’ ta get a bit of m’own back, aren’t I?”

An unscarred brow rose as William tossed his annoyingly cute hat across the room and unfastened the purely ‘decorative’ red belt around his hips. “Sadly for our young ‘friend’, beloved, he will likely be ruined for all other… beings by the time we’ve finished with him. And speaking of which, perhaps we should take a closer look at our special surprise…”


The brunette shifted slightly as cool air flowed over skin that had recently been covered.

His brow furrowed and he mumbled sleepily, only to relax as he was soothed by oddly gentle hands and soft murmurs.

‘Not Anya,’ he thought blearily—and with an odd sort of relief—before drifting fully back into slumber once more.

The hands and gentling words were so effective, in fact, that Xander didn’t even notice when he was carefully moved on the couch, his body reclining comfortably on the soft cushions.


It was the smears of semen on the boy’s tanned, toned stomach that had William moving the television closer.

He flashed his brother a smirk before retrieving the remote from the floor and squeezing himself under the brunette’s feet while Spike gently lifted the boy’s head and sat, shaggy hair spreading across his lap.

“I do believe it might be nice to see exactly what our boy found so exciting, dearest, “ he chuckled, pressing the ‘play’ button with obvious glee.

A matching smirk crossed Spike’s lips and he stroked his fingers lightly over Xander’s heated skin. “Might even be summat we can act out, pet. ‘Course, I don’t have any doubt ‘bout that bein’ your plan.”


Two pairs of gold-tinged blue eyes met with a good bit of desire… desire which only grew as those gazes were drawn quickly to the grunting, moaning bodies on the television screen.

“Bloody hell,” two voices moaned quietly.


“He’s rather more relaxed than I would have expected, dearest,” William muttered as he pressed one finger slowly against the boy’s little pucker. “Quite a bit so, in fact,” he added on a groan as that hole slowly spread to accommodate his digit. “Perhaps, in conjunction with the film, he is… more experienced with males than you had thought?”

The woven rayon throw had lived up to its name and was currently residing on the floor a good few feet away. Some careful manipulation had shifted the brunette a bit more until now he had one leg bent with the ankle propped on the back of the couch while the other foot rested on the coffee table, leaving tanned skin and muscles spread out for the viewing pleasure of the two vampires.

Not that either of them had been willing to stop at just viewing, of course, which explained how William was slowly exploring the inner secrets of one Xander Harris.

Spike nearly growled, barely keeping his own fingers from pinching the young human’s nipples roughly instead of simply rolling and tweaking them softly enough to have them in hard little peaks without making the bloke wake up from his booze-induced nap.

“Been around th’ git just about every soddin’ day since th’ bloody chip, haven’t I?” he grumbled, eyes locked on his brother’s motions and the apparent ease of them. “Would have smelled it if’n he’d been out shaggin’ about with random blokes, I would. An’…” He inhaled deeply before smirking just a bit. “Can still smell traces of th’ demon bint, even with her leavin’ ages ago, yah? Would know if he’d been bringin’ anyone else here, chit or bloke or bloody one-eyed goat!”

Of course, that made him wonder about a couple of things, not the least of which was… “don’t s’pose you brought any lube, luv…”

William groaned, his eyes closing in dismay. “Didn’t you, brother? As I recall, you’ve been fond of being prepared ever since I brought you that boy scout a few months ago…”

A snort. “Eagle Scout, more like. Musta been twenty if he was a day, Will. An’ you know I didn’t have any bloody pockets in that great red and white target of a suit…”

The darker blond pouted, pursing his lips in exactly the manner his twin used so often and to such great effect. “But dearest,” he said, putting a small touch of pleading into his voice, “you know the lad. And if he has in fact been single for as long as you believe, should there not be some sort of ungent or potion about to assist in his… self-pleasuring?”

Spike’s eyes darted from William’s mouth to the long, elegant finger that was slowly working its way in and out of the toned, suntanned body; then back again. “Bloody hell,” he grunted, slowly easing himself from beneath the boy’s head and pouting himself at the loss of heat against his hard shaft. “Right, then. Just goin’ ta check th’ bedroom, yah? Don’t wake him up, Will. Can’t have him comin’ ta his senses before we’re buried balls deep in both his temptin’ holes, right?”

A full smirk split William’s face even as he slowed his motions, deliberately avoiding the small nub he knew was right there at his fingertip. His free hand wrapped deliberately around his own cock and he stroked it just once before gathering the small dribbles of fluid and coating himself with his own brand of slick.

“Do try not to be long about it, beloved. Nobody has ever accused either of us of being terribly patient, yes?”

Another soft growl and Spike was through the open doorway and rummaging about in the drawers of the bedside tables.


It wasn’t until the bedroom and bathroom had both yielded nothing much that Spike even thought about the most obvious place in the world, and when he fell to his knees and reached under the bed, he nearly crowed at feeling the hard edge of a long, shallow box.

A moment or two later—after pulling it out and opening it—he found himself biting his lip to keep from laughing so loud it would likely wake the dead, not to mention the drunken human.

“Nipple clamps,” he muttered to himself, although he was certain William would hear as well, “Riding crop… assorted butt plugs…” He lifted one and blinked at the size before noticing the still-unused shine to it. “Dildos… bloody hell, this must be Anya’s cache. Doubt th’ boy would be needin’ a harness for a strap-on.”

Finally, he did crow, but very quietly, because under the tangled straps he found a small bottle of Astroglide. Barely used, it seemed, although he had a suspicion there had been other containers emptied in the past.

He held it in one hand and the smallish tub of Vaseline in the other as he stalked back into the living room. “Think we’re set, Will. An’ th’ boy’s still a virgin in every way that matters, yah? Was th’ bint what opened him up before. Willin’ ta bet on that much, I am,” he smirked.

William rolled his eyes and let go of his own cock. “Yes, because betting has stood you in such good stead of late, hmmm…?”

A shrug and Spike was standing in front of his brother, the available offerings in his hands. “Wouldn’t be here now if’n I hadn’t lost, would we, mate?”

And actually, that was a very good point. William wouldn’t likely admit it yet, but… it was a very good point.

Instead, he leaned forward, licking a long, slow trail up his twin’s rampant erection, tongue dipping into the tiny slit exposed by the pulled-back foreskin.

“Lubrication,” he murmured a moment later, chuckling when Spike growled. “Come, dearest. I believe we wished to sample this… delicious-looking treat. It would please me greatly to swallow you down, but I had thought you wished to spend yourself within our toy, yes?”

As much as Spike hated it when William was right, in this case he was willing to overlook it. “Yah… yah,” he murmured, kneeling on the floor between the human’s splayed legs, his knees between his brother’s feet.

He opened the jar of Vaseline first and dipped a finger in before offering the same container to Will, setting the astroglide aside for later. “Share an’ share alike, luv.”

William smirked and pulled his probing digit from the boy’s rear. He hit the play button on the remote again before coating his own finger generously and slowly returning it to its previous location.

Spike’s eyes narrowed slightly as he watched his brother slowly rubbing the slick ointment around the boy’s hole and he swallowed hard as he watched just the tip of that long finger press against the pinkened opening. “Bloody hell,” he whispered when Xander Harris’s body accepted it without even the small quiver he was sure had been there when Will was piercing the boy without lubrication.

His own well-greased finger slid around his brother’s penetrating digit, stroking the slightly stretched ring with small increments of pressure and finally he pressed inside as well, carefully. “Oh, bloody… fuckin’… Gods…” he groaned, the heat alone stunning him.

“Yes,” William nearly panted, pulling back as Spike slid deeper, “he is going to feel like a dream, beloved… a dream we will share until we can’t possibly have him again without bursting into flame.”

A wordless moan was the only answer Spike could give in that moment… and instants later found him pulling out of that hot, tight ass to dip into the pot of petroleum jelly again.

Two fingers joined William’s one, stretching slowly and carefully, and when the long, toned, brunette form started rocking on the couch, arching into the soft movements, William echoed his twin’s action.

It was time, they both recognized.

The boy was panting and writhing, but not hard enough to wake yet.

They each had two digits buried deep inside that clenching hole, stretching and teasing; taunting, even, by coming near the boy’s prostate but not touching.

“Bloody hell… goin’ ta feel so good ta sink inta him, luv… just need you ta move, yah?” Spike groaned, his cock hard against his belly and dribbling clear liquid.

William arched a brow and shook his head before glaring at his twin. “And by what mode of insanity do you believe yourself to be having him first, dearest? ‘twas I who entered and discovered what a treasure you’d been ignoring for months. ‘twas I who played the film initially… and ‘twas I who started you on your very successful search for lubricant. It is my right to take him. To feel him tight around me, his human warmth singeing my flesh.”

“Fuck…” a bleary voice came, stumbling and slurring quite a bit, “Someone jus’… do sumth’n’… enuf talk’n’… time f’r some acshun…”

Two sets of golden-blue eyes blinked.

“Now, f’r fucksake… ‘r I’m go’n’ go back t’sleep…”

Spike swallowed hard before letting his eyes leave William’s to trail up golden skin.

He didn’t take his time, but they couldn’t help caressing tight abs, smooth skin and perky-nippled pecs on the way.

Then he got to barely-open and clearly still-drunk eyes.

“One of us is goin’ ta slip between your lips while th’ other’s buggerin’ you, mate. You goin’ ta have a problem with that?” he demanded, because if the answer was yes then he was going to be the one slamming into the bloke’s tight ass and William could fend for himself. They wouldn’t even be there if Spike hadn’t lost that bet, after all.

“Don’ care,” came the mumbled reply. “Jus’ wan’… wha’ev’r… ‘s jus’ a dream, an’way…”

One scarred brow arched even as Spike smirked deeply.

He grinned at William then stood. “Right, mate. You can have this end. Goin’ ta plunder that wide, red mouth first. Switch off for th’ next round, yah?”

Will grinned and pulled his fingers from the boy just as his twin did… and chuckled at the disappointed-sounding moan the human released.

“That is definitely agreeable, beloved,” he murmured, eyes darting back and forth between the Vaseline and the Astroglide before he chose one and slicked himself up. “Brother… would you prefer him as he is or on all fours for this? Either way will do nicely for me, but as you will be sinking your shaft between his lips…”

Spike laughed. “Let’s try it this way first, pet… an’ if’n we want ta, we can always put him on hands an’ knees later, yah?”

“Definitely, dearest,” William agreed, moving a bit until he was kneeling on the couch. He smirked just a bit before shifting sweaty human legs and wrapping them around his waist as he lined himself up and slid quickly home.

Spike laughed again, this time at the sound the boy made as he was filled with William’s cock.

He moved around the coffee table and planted one foot firmly on the rug while he slung the other over the boy’s upper torso, knee finding the couch cushions just beneath the human’s armpit… and when he presented his own needy shaft, letting the dripping tip tap against gasping red lips, he… pushed inside with the next breath, his eyes rolling back at the sheer, blissful wet heat.

Back Index Next

Feed the Author

Visit the Author's Livejournal  Visit the Darker Spilliam community

Home Categories New Stories Non Spander