Becoming Known

Tisienne Blue

Part Twenty-Five

In the end—or the beginning, rather—Spike found himself kissing his bloke soft and slow, letting his tongue and lips soothe the tremors still running through that wonderfully heated body.

His own skin rubbed slowly, gently against slightly swarthy skin and he spared a bare moment to think about how his boy would glow once spring and summer arrived and Xander could get some sun again, but that was irrelevant and something to think about later, he reminded himself as his tongue slid just a bit deeper into his bloke’s mouth, tracing teeth and the hard ridges of palate.

His hands stroked firmly but comfortingly up and down Xander’s sides, even as he straddled the boy’s thighs, the tip of his already seeping cock brushing lightly against the equally needy shaft the brunette sported.

“Need you, luv,” he whispered against full, red lips. “Need you, Xander… bloody hell, pet.”

His head was swimming from the kisses Spike was giving him. Hell, it was spinning, too, from the sensations the blond was creating within him.

A small part of Xander’s psyche was berating him, telling him he was… weak, a sissy-boy, nothing but a fucking faggot, gonna show you what being a faggot is, you sorry little shit…… acting like a queer. But the rest of him… oh, the rest of him wasn’t listening because what they were doing—what Spike was doing—felt so…

“Right,” he moaned into the vampire’s mouth, “Feels so… good, Spike… so… right…”

Long, elegant fingers spasmed on hot flesh and Spike gasped before gathering himself. “It does, pet,” he murmured back, tongue lapping small licks to Xander’s lips. “Can’t be wrong, luv… not when it feels like this, yah…?”

And somehow, Xander told himself, he was going to ignore the Tony-voice and just… go with what was happening because he did trust Spike.

He trusted him not to lie to him and he trusted him not to do anything that would make him—Xander—angry or sad or broken inside. He trusted him, and even though he’d said as much to the blond earlier, he really meant it. All the way down to the bottom of his soul, he realized.

“I… it can’t be… wrong,” he gasped softly, his hips rolling on the mattress, “When it f-feels like… y-you, Spike. God, nothing ever… I never… I won’t… I won’t h-hurt y-you… you’re… sure…?”

And now that Spike heard his bloke’s belief—right there in that wondering tone— he heard himself moaning. “No pain,” he whispered, pulling away from that seductive mouth to meet slowly opening brown eyes. “No pain, luv. Only pleasure for the both of us, yah…? Just let me…”

Xander groaned, his entire body shaking when Spike leaned to the side and pulled the tube of body lotion from the drawer of the table on the blond’s side of the bed. “Th-that’s not…” He tensed again.

An amazingly sweet smile crossed Spike’s lips and he leaned in once more, slowly tracing Xander’s lips with the tip of his tongue. “ ’s not lube,” he admitted, once his boy had relaxed a bit, “but it’s very slick, luv.” He sighed when Xander looked worried again. “Pet. Wouldn’t try ta use anythin’ that wasn’t good enough, would I? This’s slicker; better. Oil based. Keep us slidin’ an’ moanin’ all night, this will… if’n that’s what you want, Xan…”

Was it? Did he want that? To be inside Spike without hurting him… all night? Did he really believe that it could… not hurt?

He truly wondered, but… “I trust you,” he whispered, closing his eyes and biting his lip when he felt the cool, viscous emulsion being squeezed in a slow line along his length. “God… Spike…”

Spike’s eyes stayed locked on that clenched face as one hand stroked gently over his bloke’s cock, spreading the slickness thoroughly. “ ‘s a’right, Xander… just goin’ ta get myself all ready too, yah? Stretch my tight little hole so’s you can slide right in. No pain; nothin’ even like it…” He moaned softly as he raised himself, still straddling those thighs, but on his knees now. “Can see how big you are, luv… goin’ ta feel so good when I have you inside me, pet… have ta make sure I’m worked open enough first, is all.”

One finger—well coated with lotion—found its way between his thighs and Spike groaned, pressing it deep. “Feels so… good, luv… but you’re goin’ ta feel even better in me…” He moaned again, hiding his smirk as he saw his boy’s eyelids twitch. “Want ta watch me, pet? Watch my fingers slidin’ deep, see them sinkin’ inta me an’ know I want it ta be you…?”

Xander wasn’t sure, although little Xander was making his opinion known by twitching and nearly bouncing. “I… I…”

“Please, luv,” Spike whispered longingly, entirely sure that his boy wouldn’t be able to resist that tone, “Want you ta see, I do… see where I need you ta be, pet; see how good it’s goin’ ta feel…”

The human moaned softly, and even though he wasn’t sure he was ready to see what he wanted so badly, he couldn’t help it. His eyelids fluttered a few times then opened, and when he saw Spike there—kneeling over him on his knees, two long, elegant fingers sliding slowly in and out… in and out… he slammed them closed again. “G-god, baby… so fucking… I c-can’t…” He swallowed hard.

He debated adding another finger or two, but his bloke wasn’t watching and likely didn’t know enough to worry over that anyway, Spike realized.

“Don’t have ta, Xan,” he murmured, pulling away from himself and wrapping those same slick fingers around the long, thick readiness. “Time, luv… time ta feel you, yah? Want you so bad, pet… can’t stop now… bloody hell, just can’t!” And that was true enough. Yes, he wanted to have his boy—wanted to take his boy. But he could wait.

As long as he could feel that gorgeous sodding cock deep inside him, he could wait to bury himself root-deep in his bloke’s ass. Wait almost forever, if need be.

It was with that thought in mind that he held that thick tube of heated flesh still and positioned himself carefully at its tip.

“Goin’ ta take you in now, Xander,” he whispered, sinking down just a bit onto his bloke’s cock. His eyes closed and he groaned happily as he felt himself spreading around the hot intrusion. “So good, luv… so good already…”

“Oh… God…” Xander whispered, fingers digging deeper into the sheets beneath him as his head pressed back against the pillow. Every instinct screamed at him to chase the slowly growing sensation, to arch hard, to rock himself up into what was already the most blissful and perfect place he’d ever known, and yet he… couldn’t. Wouldn’t. “S-spike… God…”

And fuck if he’d been lying about his bloke’s size, because Xander… bloody fucking hell, Xander was longer—thicker—than Peaches ever was, and Spike hadn’t realized it until just that moment. Of course, he’d hadn’t actually given it much thought once he’d gotten used to the bastard being gone, but… ‘and that’s enough thinkin’ about him. My boy’s got him outdone and that’s the only thing what matters…’

He watched the small frown crease appear between his boy’s eyes and pressed himself down a bit further, feeling that long, heated body shivering beneath him. “Feels so good, luv,” he murmured, letting the moans he’d been swallowing color his voice, “So bloody good, Xander… ta take you in, feel you becomin’ a part of me… ta be stretchin’ around you like this…”

Spike grunted softly, his hips rising just a bit and he smirked at the disappointed groan his love released before he reversed the motion, sliding down farther as his body relaxed, pulling that wonderfully thick, hard heat deeper.

His hands moved, resting on Xander’s chest, and he swallowed hard at the rough, desperate pounding of his boy’s heart even as he shifted back and down a bit, taking in the last few inches with a soft, needy whimper. “Bloody hell, luv… could hold you like this forever… keep you inside me to the end of time, yah…?”

Oh, God. Jesus-fuck. He was… he was in! He was… inside Spike! And the vampire was so tight and cool around him, and the fingers spread on his chest were kneading just a little, and… and Spike didn’t seem to be in any pain, if the nearly gentle rocking of those slender hips on him was any sort of sign, and…

“Y-yeah…” he stammered, entirely unsure of what he’d just agreed with but completely certain that he didn’t care because whatever it was, it was something Spike had said, and… and God, Spike had been right. “G-god… baby…” he gasped, holding onto the bedding tightly.

“Does it feel good, Xander…?” the blond moaned, rocking just a bit harder, seating his bloke firmly within him. “So deep, luv… so bloody deep and hard in me, pet… love how you feel, precious… fill me up just right, you do…” He moaned again and bit his lip as his own motions had that amazing shaft nudging the spot Angelus had always avoided. “Tell me, Xan… tell me how it feels, yah…?”

Xander swallowed hard, eyes squeezed tightly closed. “I… I d-don’t have the w-words, baby,” he admitted shakily, somehow managing to keep his hips from bucking up as hard as they wanted to. Instead, he held them to a small arc that still pulled a loud grunting groan from his vamp. “Oh, God!” he nearly sobbed, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I w-won’t d-do it ag-gain!”

It wasn’t until his eyes flew open a scant second later to the sight of nearly glowing pale skin and an expression of sheer bliss on that almost pretty face that Xander realized it hadn’t been a bad sound. “I… Spike…?”

The vampire groaned again, a long, slow shudder racing through him as he met those baffled brown eyes. "Want you ta do that again, luv,” he breathed. “Want it, Xander. Need it. Felt so… bloody… perfect!”

God help him, he couldn’t keep himself from looking down his body, and when he saw Spike’s hips shift and felt it as his shaft moved inside that beautiful body, Xander forgot all about being afraid.

His fingers unclenched, leaving small mounds of distressed cotton behind and found knees, then thighs… and when Spike raised himself a good few inches and sank down again, those same fingers fastened tightly on strong, slender hips. “Wait,” he gasped.

Wait? Was the boy out of his bloody mind? “X-xander…” he started to say, only to lose himself in those hot eyes for a moment. “I… y-yah, pet?”

Brown hair drifted as Xander struggled just a bit to sit up beneath the perfect weight and when he’d managed it, he stared even deeper into wide, golden-blue. “I love you. Th-that’s all I w-wanted to s-say. I… love you, Spike. So… so much.”

As there was only one reasonable and proper response to that declaration, Spike made it.

His hands slid up the toned chest and over shoulders. One found the back of his bloke’s neck while the other tangled hard in longish brown hair, and when the blond pressed full, pink lips to hot red ones, he wasn’t sure if the moan was from the kiss or from the thick cock shifting with the change of position.

His tongue delved deep, delved hard into the wet cavern of Xander’s mouth, meeting its match in a dance as old as time, even as his body began to move slowly.

“More than anythin’,” he agreed shakily as he pulled back again. “Love you, pet… goin’ ta make you mine one day, yah…?”

Xander gasped and groaned, his arms tight around Spike’s toned waist, and when the blond began moving faster, harder, more purposefully on him, he… keened.

“A-already am, b-baby,” he heard himself say, and as it was the truth, he couldn’t quite manage to mind.


He remembered Anyanka saying once that the boy was a Viking in the sack, and fuck if the chit hadn’t been right, Spike thought blearily in a short moment of clarity.

He couldn’t quite recall when they’d moved… didn’t really know at what point he’d ended up on his back with that so-warm, so-right weight pinning him to the mattress.

In fact, all he knew was that Xander was still inside him, still deep and hard, and…

Their hands were joined, their arms spread to the sides as his human—his human—slid so slowly, so gently in and out of his body that Spike thought he might die in the real and permanent sense. And yet… he’d be damned if he was going to do anything to try to hurry the lad or make him thrust harder. His boy’s tenderness was a thing to be treasured and there would be time later—much, much later—for fast and rough.

And if his Xan was never ready for a good hard fuck, well… nothing wrong with just making love forever, was there? He’d somehow steel himself to that wretched fate, he thought with a smirk.

“Y-you… ok-kayay…?” Xander moaned, lips and tongue caressing the side of his lover’s neck—and Spike really was his lover now, he thought with a bit of shock. “Sh-should I…” he smiled hopefully against soft skin and slid deep before moving his hips in small, slow circles. He knew what the prostate was, of course, because Anya had mentioned it often enough in her many bids to get more ‘experimental’ with him, but he’d never really understood that it could create the sort of pleasure Spike showed whenever he brushed it, rubbed it, pressed it with his cock.

Gold-flecked blue eyes closed as the blond took one long, hitched breath. “B-bloody… fuck, precious… come for me, yah…? Let me…”

God, he didn’t want to. Finishing was the last thing on his mind, except… Spike was giving him such an incredible gift; was giving him something he’d never truly known before, and it was so much more than just sex, so much more than just bodies connecting and writhing, and…

“Too s-soon, baby…” Xander answered even more shakily, “Too soon to c-c-come… f-fuck, Spike… want to… so b-bad, b-but… feels so g-g-good… Love you, S-spike… l-love you s-so…”

That was all well and good, the vampire figured, but “Need ta feel you, Xander… please, luv… need you ta c-come now. Need ta f-feel you shootin’ off so deep in me, pet… b-bloody fuckin’… Xan…!” His fingers dug slightly into his bloke’s hands, blunt nails scratching with gentle passion even as he clenched his anus tightly, creating still more friction for that wonderfully warm human shaft. “N-now, luv,” he whimpered, although he’d deny it later if asked. Vampires didn’t whimper, after all.

Brown eyes closed tightly in an effort to resist the urge to do just as Spike asked, but then that tight ring clamped still tighter around him, creating an even more snug channel and Xander could do nothing but comply.

His body moved ever so slightly faster… harder… his fingers tightened around his vampire’s… and when the pressure built too high, when the fire burned too hot, Xander opened his eyes and raised himself just enough to hold those wide and stunned golden orbs with his own. “Love you,” he whispered, the legs around his waist holding him tight and deep… and “thank you…” also whispered as he arched and shook, his rock-hard balls pulsing repeatedly and releasing wave after wave of hot, thick seed into the beloved shape beneath him.

The slow, full-body flex was something Spike had never experienced before, and later—when he had time and energy to think—he would decide it was because he’d never felt like he did with Xander. But right in that moment he writhed sinuously under his lover, every inch of him heated by the spasms of his boy filling him… and as he felt that wonderful shaft pulsing inside him, those hot spurts of fluid bathing his insides while Xander looked into his demon’s face with love…

His long-denied orgasm took him, shook him, splintered him in the most unexpected but welcome way, and his own cry was just as soft as his human’s… and his explosion just as copious and earth-shattering, although not as contained.

“Love you too… love you, Xan… love you, pet..” he found himself murmuring, hands free now to stroke comfortingly over the brunette’s shaking back. And “No… stay, luv,” when his boy would have pulled away—pulled out. “Just.. for a while, yah…?”

“As long… long as you... want me to, baby…” Xander mumbled, his arms curving under his blond’s back, his lips pressed against that long, white throat again. “Long… as you… want…”

Spike smiled, his softly stroking hands slowing as he felt his boy drift off. He’d be sore later from having his Xan’s cock in his ass for hours on end, but… “Worth it, luv,” he whispered, turning his head just a bit to leave a soft kiss on the boy’s temple. “Would suffer far worse ta have you, yah…? Love you, I do.”

And somewhere in the silence that was broken only by the sound of one exhausted human breathing slow, deep and slumberous breaths, an unseen being smiled.

Her charge was going to be alright. At least he was well on his way to it, and she could possibly relax her vigilance a bit.

“Good luck, Xander,” she whispered to his sleeping mind, “And you were right. Be happy. That’s an order. I’ll be watching you.”

Part Twenty-Six

It had taken them weeks to figure out their target’s schedule.

Not the daytime one, of course, because that was obvious.

The man left the building every morning at 7:45 with the girl.

He walked her to school then went back to the apartment for a short while before heading directly to work, where he stayed until almost 2:45 PM.

He then returned to the school and picked up the girl.

The man and the girl walked the city most days afterwards, sometimes meeting up with another man who wasn’t their target’s boyfriend… and sometimes the girl went off with the other man.

Yes, that much was easy, and Rocko, Tony and Mitch knew it.

Unfortunately, they needed to do their thing without witnesses and the guy they were working for wasn’t paying them enough to take out the girl, even though Tony had been more than vocal about his willingness to take her… and then take her out… for free.

Rocko wasn’t having that, though. The girl reminded him of his little sister—before she’d gotten sucked into drugs and had lost herself to being a whore. It hadn’t mattered how many times he’d checked her into rehab, either… she’d always left and that had been her choice, but… no. He wasn’t going to let Tony have his way. Not with the little girl.

And she was a little girl. She might look mature, what with those breasts and the way her hips swelled, but it was clear to anyone who truly looked that she was wounded in the way a much younger child would be by the loss of her hometown. And her Mother and sister, judging from what he’d seen on the SSS website, because Rocko was the sort to do his homework.

So NO.

It was going to be bad enough for the girl when she lost one of her… protectors. No need to make it any worse by letting Tony have his way with her.

The daytime schedule had been easy. Obviously.

The night schedule had been another matter entirely.

The two men didn’t seem to have any set appointments or engagements.

They seemed to exist entirely randomly.

One night they both stayed in.

The next, they went out to see some band or other; sometimes with the girl and sometimes not.

Some nights, the blond went out on his own with a camera bag and didn’t come back for hours… taking pictures of this or that, Mitch reported, although he didn’t quite understand why the man would do that. Nothing he shot seemed to be remarkable, he said.

And still other nights their target left on his own, but never for long enough that they could do their job.

It was… frustrating. Annoying. Infuriating.

Then again, that was why the guy was paying them so much, Rocko figured. They just needed to be patient.


Her entire body ached. In fact, it was screaming at her that she needed yet another long, hot shower.

Of course, that was to be expected. It was Sunday morning, after all, and she’d spent the entire previous day shifting junk from here to there while she and Kent had searched what seemed like every thrift store in entire city for ‘the perfect lamp, Dawny! It has to be perfect! Not too tall, not too short, and it must, must, MUST have fringes on the shade!’.


If that was what it took to be an interior designer of Kent’s caliber, she’d just as soon not.

Especially with the following trip to the dump.

Hell, she’d thought she was done with that sort of thing when she’d left Sunnydale, but apparently she’d been wrong because Kent had dragged her to a… no. ‘Dump’ was too kind of a word, Dawn realized. ‘Land fill’ was more like it.

They’d scrounged there for hours and all she had to show for it was a really ugly bracelet with charms shaped like… she didn’t know what. But it looked like silver and so she’d taken it, once Kent had assured her that it wasn’t attached to a skeletal limb or anything.

By the time they’d gotten back to their building, it had been close to 3 AM… and after she’d spent a good two hours tossing and turning on Kent’s couch she’d left him a note and headed upstairs, wanting a shower and bed, in that order.

The first shower had been fine… as had the hour of sleep she’d gotten. But then…

She’d been woken by sounds she’d never heard before, and it had truly taken her a good few minutes to place them; mostly because she’d never made those sounds herself and she’d taken to playing music to lull her to sleep.

So there she lay, aching and still feeling dirty from her crawl through other peoples’ garbage… and feeling dirtier still because she was obviously listening to Xander and Spike being… intimate.

She was happy for them. Of course she was! But that didn’t mean she wanted to hear it… and especially when it gave her some very strange feelings deep in the pit of her stomach knowing they were doing it, and she’d actually taken the time to go online and find out what exactly ‘it’ was for two guys… with pictures, no less.

She’d shower again later, she decided, even as she punched the power button on the radio beside the bed and let the familiar tones of the usual CD wash over her.

And if she maybe moaned a bit before sleep claimed her, who was to know? Certainly neither of her ‘Uncles’.


Dawn had been looking at them both oddly for days and neither of them could figure out why.

They hadn’t changed their behavior, even if they were a good bit more intimate than they’d been before.

Dawn didn’t know that, after all, and even if she had…

“Do you think she…” Xander whispered, biting his lip.

“Figure she knew where all the kissing and such was headed, luv,” Spike observed as he watched the girl on the couch.

Xander blushed, still somewhat uncomfortable over the fact that he’d not only been fucking Spike for the last week but loved it… and wanted to do it even more, although he still couldn’t manage to let the vampire do the same to him.

“God… maybe she heard us?” he whispered, blushing even more.

Spike frowned, dark brows drawing down over blue eyes. “Even if she did, luv…” his hand slowly stroked his boy’s spine, sliding down cotton then up under it, fingers spreading on warm, silken flesh, “musta heard her sis and the wanker… or Red and Glinda, yeah? Can’t be a shock…”

“That was different,” Xander reminded him. “Everything was different then. She felt… safe, God help her. And I know she feels safe now too, but….”

The vampire frowned, then sighed and nodded. “Right, then. I’ll talk ta her. Can’t have Niblet thinkin’ she’s takin’ second place ta the orgasms, yah?”

Xander blinked; then blinked again before swallowing a snort. “Okay, and that was way too Anya…” His eyes filled and he dropped his head as he turned, burying his face in the crook of Spike’s neck. His arms wrapped tightly around the blond and he just stood there, holding on.

For his part, Spike simply returned the hold, keeping his boy as close as he possibly could. Xander had loved the girl once, after all… or had thought he loved her. Tears were entirely understandable; especially when it seemed a fair assumption that the demon-chit was dead.


It seemed like minutes that they stayed in their clench, but a glance at the clock told Spike that it had been almost an hour.

He reluctantly pushed away from the entirely too enticing form against him and gave a shrug when brown eyes tried to chastise him.

“We agreed I’d be the one ta talk ta her, pet… right?” Spike murmured, one hand cupped around a hot cheek.

Xander sighed and nodded. “Yeah… just make sure she’s not mad at me, okay?”

The blond snorted. “For what? Having a libido and following it right inta my ass?”

Brown eyes closed as Xander groaned.

“Fuck. Now I want to drag you off to bed and…” Another groan. “You know what? Why don’t I go to the ATM and put my checks in?” Granted, after the tip-credit he only got maybe fifty dollars on a paycheck, but he hadn’t actually bothered to deposit any of them.

“Might as well,” he added, “couldn’t hurt to have an extra four hundred bucks in our account, right? Besides… whatever you say to Dawny? I do not want to hear.”

“Coward,” Spike teased, ruffling the bloke’s hair.

Xander grinned and kissed Spike hard. “Yep. So go deal with our… bitchy child. I’ll be back soon.” He stepped away and moved to the door, giving Spike a small smile. “Love you, baby… always.”

Spike was still grinning at the declaration, made in a normal tone, when he walked to the couch and flopped down beside Dawn.

“So, luv,” he said after a moment in which she didn’t curl into him and try to wrap her not so inconsiderable body length around him, “What’s got your knickers in a twist, then?”


It was almost a relief to be out of the apartment and Xander felt guilty for that. At the same time, though, he just didn’t.

He and Spike had done their best by Dawn. They’d never denied her anything she’d truly needed, even that one time when it had been a choice between human blood for the vampire or a less… manly coat for the girl. Spike had made do with cow’s blood for more than a week until he’d sold another collection of pictures, that time to ‘Rolling Stone’. It had been a series depicting up and coming bands behind the scenes and the magazine had snapped it up after nearly a month of haggling… and if Xander had very sneakily spiked the cow’s blood with a bit of his own, then who was to know? Spike certainly hadn’t seemed to notice, other than commenting that Philadelphia clearly had superior livestock to Sunnydale’s offerings… and hadn’t that made Xander giggle silently?

That aside, though…

He loved Dawn. He did. Always had, really, from the first moment he’d met her… even if that had been a fabricated memory, it still lived in his mind.

She’d been a tiny little thing then, all big eyes and long hair, and she’d looked at him like he was a God, and not much had changed.

She was taller, sure. More… womanly. Hell, he could admit it. Dawn was growing into an incredibly beautiful woman… and she was his sister, more or less. He’d always take care of her and worry about her, just as he would if she’d been his sibling by blood.

But he didn’t understand why she’d been acting the way she had lately. Like she… resented him. Resented Spike.

Like she hated them being together and wished they were just…

He swallowed hard, even as he made his way down the cross street.

Dawn wasn’t happy that he and Spike were finally together in the truest sense, and that meant…

“I have to give him up,” Xander told himself, whimpering slightly. “I can’t… we can’t… not if it makes her feel… FUCK!”

And didn’t it just figure?

He was finally happy—for the most part—and now he was losing a part of that joy, and it was… Shit, it was exactly what he should have expected.

He was a Harris, after all. He had no right to be ‘happy’. Not without a fifth of booze, anyway, and even that sort of Harris-happiness only led to loud voices and stumbling, at best.

“It has to stop,” he mumbled, even as he made his way to the ATM machine six blocks away. “If it’s upsetting Dawny, it just… we just… have to stop.”

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the three sets of footsteps following him until it was much too late.

Part Twenty-Seven

“You love him more than me,” Dawn accused, entirely baffled by why she was saying that, much less the way she was saying it… all bitter and angry. “And he loves you more, too! It’s not fair! I’ve lost everything and you guys are all ‘ooooo, my boyfriend, my boyfriend’ and I’m all by my fucking self!” She growled, while on the inside she cringed.

Spike blinked. “Bit…” he began, only to be cut off by the girl’s venomous words.

“You fuck and fuck and fuck and there’s nothing left for me! You and him! Him and you! And when you’re not fucking, you’re kissing or touching or… something! You don’t give a shit about me! Neither one of you! Why don’t you just kill me like…” And suddenly Dawn found herself with one hand clasped tightly over her mouth.

The vampire was still blinking at the girl’s words and her language. He’d never heard Dawn use words like that before. Still, he couldn’t ignore the implications of her truncated rant.

“Like who, Niblet?” he growled almost dangerously. “Haven’t killed anyone precious to you. Ever.”

Dawn shook her head, her hand still hard on her mouth. She might not be able to control herself otherwise, but she could for damned sure manage to keep herself from spewing still more unmeant venom.

It was only because of the fractured light coming through the window that Spike noticed the oily sheen on Dawn’s bracelet. Something about it bothered him; he wasn’t sure why.

“As for me and Xan… never seemed ta bother you before, did it?” he went on, still keeping an eye on the silver around the girl’s wrist though he pretended to look at her chest. “Or are you jealous, pet?”

He put a bit of purr into his voice, adding a half-smirk for good measure.

“Bother you ta think about me and my bloke gettin’ all comfy and cozy at night, does it? My arms around him instead of you?”

And he was making a point of only describing things she’d seen… wouldn’t ever get more graphic than his ‘niece’ should hear, but she didn’t know that… and more to the point, whatever it was that was affecting her wouldn’t know.

“Drive you nuts ta think about my lips against his, his lips makin’ me beg and plead for the heat I can only find with him…?”

And there! He saw it! The bracelet shimmered and shivered, that slimy and wrong shine flowing faster over its links and charms, and…

Dawn was dying inside. There was no other explanation.

She had no clue as to why she’d been acting the way she had for the last week or so… no idea of why Spike and Xander’s relationship—which had been such a comfort to her so recently—had suddenly become a threat. Hell, it wasn’t a threat and yet some portion of her seemed to think it was… and unfortunately, that was the portion that was mostly in control.

“He’s mine!” she heard herself hiss past the barrier of her own flesh, even as her eyes tried to tell Spike that something was wrong.

The blond smirked, giving the girl an unconcerned look. “No, pet,” he said very simply and plainly, “he’s not. Never will be, either. Loves me, the bloke does. No need for a young and inexperienced chit who’s got nothing goin’ for her except a sister who’s famous in some circles.”

Dawn heard and felt herself snarl, even as she felt her body launch itself across the few feet between her and Spike. “I’m not her!” she heard her own voice cry as she was tackled to the rug, her wrists held above her head.

“No. You’re not,” Spike snapped, the fingers of one hand finding the silver links and tearing them apart. “You’re you, Bit…” he tossed the shattered bracelet away. “You’re my Niblet. Xan’s Dawny. And you’re bloody gorgeous, but you don’t want me, pet. Don’t want my bloke, either…”

She found herself sobbing beneath the solid weight of the hundred-and-thirty-something blond and wondering what in the hell had been wrong with her.

She loved Spike and Xander! She was glad they were together! They were her… family. They were her home! And yet she’d…

“Oh… oh, God… Spike, I… I’m sorry! I don’t know what…”

Spike heaved a huge sigh of relief and released the girl from his hold.

“Wasn’t you, pet… was that bloody bauble. And I know. Not on a Hellmouth, right?” He shrugged and gave her a small grin. “Doesn’t mean there can’t still be odd things happening, yah?”

Dawn swallowed hard before nodding just a bit and hoisting herself onto the couch. “I… I really didn’t mean it, you know…”

The blond’s brow furrowed, even as he joined her on the couch. “You sure about that, pet? Would get it if you felt like we were… neglectin’ you. Not that we are, mind, but could see how you might feel…”

“No! I mean… no,” Dawn answered quickly. “You guys have been great! I mean, okay, the ten o’clock curfew? That could use some work, but then again I never go anywhere but Bailey’s and you do let me stay over whenever I want as long as I have my books and stuff, so…” She sighed. “I just… I guess I kinda feel like you’d be better off if I wasn’t here, Spike. If it was… just you and Xander.” She blushed.

“Shut your bloody trap.” Spike was reeling. Not just from the venom his sweet bit had been spewing earlier but because she’d even suggest that anyone would be happier without her there.

Think, luv…” he demanded, pulling the girl close. “Without you, Xander wouldn’t have come here. You’d have been in that bloody disappeared town. And as for me… I’d be sittin’ here all alone and wonderin’ why my bloke wasn’t answerin’ my e-mails, yah…? Be bloody miserable, me. Lost. Probably crazy again… or more, anyway.”

Dawn smiled against her personal demon’s shoulder then shrugged. “I guess you’d have kept writing til you started getting your e-mails back as undeliverable, huh? Or at least that’s what… Willow… told me happened, before… everything.”

And something about that struck Spike as strange. He would have asked questions but it was just then that he felt a stabbing pain in his gut and gasped.

Dawn blinked at suddenly finding herself on the floor with Spike standing above her in full game-face. “S-spi…” she started to say, only to lose her voice at the anguished howl the blond released.

XANDERRRRRR…! NOOOOOOOOO…!” was all she heard as the vampire ran from her, flinging open the apartment door so hard that the knob imbedded in the plaster behind it.

She shook in place for a good five minutes, biting her lip roughly. Something had happened to Xander. That much was obvious. And Spike… Spike had torn out of the apartment like there were demons after him, and since Spike was a demon, it couldn’t be good…

And she’d been forgotten, so it might be even worse than she thought, and…

“Dawn…?” she heard, her eyes widening when she looked up and saw Kent.


Kent almost laughed when he found himself nearly bowled over by a large armful of adolescent girl. But then he realized she was crying. Dawn was crying.

He called upon his deeply-buried-and-hitherto-unknown fatherly instincts and held her, stroking her back gently as she sobbed and babbled and clutched at him.

All he could make out was ‘Spike’, ‘cursed’, ‘Xander’, ‘hurt’ and ‘bracelet’, but it was enough.

One soft hand stroked long brown hair and Kent plastered a hopefully convincing smile on his face. “Come on, Dawny. Will stopped by on his way out and asked me to come and get you.” He thought fast. “He said something about Xander needing him. He thought it might take a while.”

Dawn blinked her eyes, clearing the blur of tears slightly as she looked up into Kent’s gaze.

“Liar,” she said succinctly; soggily. “But thanks for trying.”

Kent sighed and bowed his head. “Okay, it was more like a hard bang on the door and a shout of your name, then Xander’s. But you’re staying with me, so…”

A tiny smile curved Dawn’s lips before disappearing under the worry again. “I’ll get my things.”


He’d known it would be bad. He’d been sure of it as soon as he’d felt that pain, and while he had no idea of why he could feel Xander, he was thankful for it… or he would be once he knew everything was alright.

“Bank, bank, bloody bank…” he was snarling, even as he tried to remember which ATM was closest to their apartment, and if he was all fangs and fury, he didn’t fucking care. Something had happened to Xander and that mattered more than whether the entire city saw him in his true face.

Feet pounded roughly against cement as he ran faster than he’d ever run before, and when he finally rounded the corner and saw… him… he froze for a bare instant.

Of course, he made that instant count as he took in the sight of the three men standing nearby and laughing as they watched Xander—his Xander—bleed onto the cold cement, one of them wiping a knife.

Mere moments later saw all three stretched in twisted positions on the ground, but Spike didn’t care; didn’t feel even a moment’s remorse for surprising them and ending them… all but one, and he’d find him later. They’d hurt his boy! Hurt him and… and God, let him be in time, let him be able to…

He could hear Xander’s breath wheezing. Could hear that great heart laboring mightily even as it slowed just a bit and that wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t right, wasn’t the way it should be and there was no chance that any hospital could fix him in time, even if there were one nearby and… six blocks! Just six blocks and maybe fifteen minutes and everything was so fucked, and… and he didn’t know what to do, or not without asking Xan but Xan was the one who was hurt and they’d never talked about what could happen, what might happen and he was so fucking scared! So scared! He could lose his love!

Pale, elegant hands covered the wounds as Spike fell to his knees beside the long, shaking form, trying to staunch the flow. “Xan… Xander. I… God, pet, I’m sorry, so sorry, I… I should have made you stay, I… my fault; all my fault, I…”

The voice, when it came, was barely loud enough to hear, but Spike did hear and swallowed hard.

“No… baby…” Xander whispered, “M-my f-f-fault… so c-c-cold, S-spike… w-why am I so c-cold…?”

It was a delicate matter but Spike managed to shift the boy into his lap, even while continuing his efforts to slow the bleeding. “ ‘s shock, luv… losin’ a lot of blood, you are. Body starts ta shut down an’ can’t make heat th’ way it’s used ta doin’…” And sure, it was a simplified way of putting it but his bloke wasn’t in any state for complicated. “Too far from th’ hospital, luv… couldn’t get you there in time. Only one way I can… help you, yah…?”

His mouth was dry, Xander realized, and he spent a good five seconds trying to swallow before giving up. Instead he shook his head. “N-no,” he finally managed, “D-don’t want to b-be a v-v-vampire, baby. J-just… tell Dawn… I l-love…”

“No! Can’t let you die, Xander!” He was shouting the words but he truly didn’t care. It would ruin his image, but so what? He was still Spike and still as stubborn and strong as he’d always been. “Not… not goin’ ta turn you, pet. Promise! Just can’t let you die!” ‘Not when you love me and I’ve never felt this way in more than a hundred years of existence, and not when I can save you… even if you’ll hate me for it later…’

“N-never… hate you…” the whisper came again, even softer this time as Xander’s body slowed further still, his heartbeat becoming a bit more random and quiet. “Never… hate… you…”

And Spike knew what he had to do, any thought of how Xander had somehow heard his internal comments pushed aside for later, if ever.

He stood quickly, growling at the increased smell of his bloke’s blood when his hands left the punctures to chest and stomach. His growls became deeper when lifting the boy made the blood flow even faster.

His feet moved purposefully, boots slapping the walkways in a rough, hard staccato as he reversed the path he’d just taken, leaving three bodies laying in the still of the night, only one of which retained a pulse of its own.

Yeah, he was going to save his boy. Fix him. Make him… live.

And when Xander woke up he’d be gone, Spike promised himself. He had to be gone.

He wouldn’t be able to stand the look of betrayal in Xander’s eyes, and he knew it.

So fixated was he upon what he knew he had to do that Spike never questioned the fact that he’d just killed two men and gravely injured a third while his soul didn’t even mark it.

It didn’t matter, after all. Nothing mattered, aside from the quickly fading form in his arms.

Part Twenty-Eight

It was barely there when he burst into the apartment and rushed his bloke to their room. That was all Spike could think. Xander’s heartbeat was barely there, regardless of the speed he’d forced in the headlong run for home.

He couldn’t remember whether the door had been open or whether he’d broken it down in his haste, and if he’d been worried about it at all, he probably would have figured on the second option, but… it didn’t matter.

Only one thing in the world did and it was currently lying lax and waxen-looking on dark sheets that usually made that skin glow with vitality regardless of the winter-paleness.

“Goin’ ta make you better, Xander,” Spike growled softly, stripping himself without care for buttons or seams. “Should have talked about… but we didn’t and there’s no bloody time now, and…”

The bloodstained clothes were easy to rip away from his bloke’s body, and not just because he never wanted to see them again but because… well, he didn’t know why but if things hadn’t been so dire, he still wouldn’t have been any more careful.

“Sorry, luv… so sorry… know what I said, what I promised, but… can’t wait for you ta be ready, Xan… not now; not when I’m losin’ you…”

Long, bloodstained fingers separated limp legs, wrapping them around his waist and Spike literally sobbed at the knowledge of just how much Xander was going to hate him once this was done… and yet even with the urgency, with the time ticking away one faltering beat at a time, he couldn’t bring himself to just do it.

It would have been one thing if his bloke hadn’t been through what he’d experienced as a child, but… Xander had, and… “Oh, bloody hell… Dear God, if you’ll listen ta a thing like me… please let him live long enough! Can’t hurt him any worse than I have ta!” And he was begging a deity who—if he existed—had long since turned his back on him, but… he didn’t care. Hell, he’d become the world’s first vampire priest if this worked. Or not really, but maybe the thought was enough, and…

Lotion-slicked fingers found the tightly budded entry to his Xander’s body and probed delicately but swiftly and if the bloke had been awake, it wouldn’t have been enough, but that was exactly the problem. Xander wasn’t awake. Xander was barely even alive.

“So sorry, luv,” Spike said again, the words whispered as the two fingers that had just been inside what should have been stunning heat found their way to slick his cock heavily. “So… bloody… sorry, Xan… love you, pet… love you too much ta let you go like this…”

He forced himself in with one long, deep thrust, and when the limp body beneath him tensed, Spike did what he had to do.

His hand moved to his neck, nails digging roughly at his own flesh… and when his desperate gouging tore open a large enough wound, he raised his boy’s head just enough to press those slack, too-pale lips to it. “Drink, luv,” he ordered, driving the demand home with a swift, hard thrust of his hips, and if there were steady, heavy drops of salty fluid dripping from his eyes, well... Spike figured nobody but he would ever know it.


It wasn’t a white light. It was more like… pink. Then again, maybe that was for his benefit. If he was gay, then a pink light was really more reasonable, Xander figured.

His eyes scanned the featureless rosy glow for what seemed like an eternity but also like a mere moment, and when he turned he saw… “Anya?”

The young woman smiled. “Xander. I would say it’s nice to see you here but it really isn’t. It’s not your time.”

Xander frowned, his head shaking slightly. “I don’t… what happened, Anya? Where are we?”

Anya shrugged. “It’s not so much a ‘where’ as a ‘what’, I guess. You won’t find it on any maps, anyway. It’s… I guess you could say it’s like a… a place to wait and see where you’re going. And as for what happened…” She sighed. “I think you remember, Xander. You may not want to remember, but you do. I would spare you that if I could.”

“Right. Because you were always so…” Xander smiled sheepishly. “No. That’s not true. What my tone implied. You were always worried about my feelings, even when you didn’t want to be. I… I know that now.”

“Then you know it’s not your fault, Xander,” the blonde said gently. “You were right. We really would have made marriage a Hell. And okay, it hurt my feelings when you walked away from our wedding, but Xander… part of that was because you’d had the courage to do what I didn’t.” She smiled a little. “But that’s all in the past. I’ve… moved on, you could say. And so have you. To Spike, of all beings!”

It was only the gleam of wicked amusement in his ex’s eyes that kept Xander from panicking.

“Gah! And I so never saw that one coming! But I… it did, and you… you’re really not mad?” He bit his lip a little, trying desperately not to look as guilty as he felt.

She grinned. “No. I’ll only be mad if you don’t take what he’s offering. He… God, Xander. How do I say this?”

He couldn’t help it. He blinked. “Oh, God. Don’t tell me you’ve finally discovered tact! Is the world ending? Is that why we’re here?” He grinned back at her then frowned a moment later when her expression turned serious. “It is. The world is ending. Shit!”

“No. Not exactly. But your position in the living world is in question. You’re dying, Xander. And Spike… Spike is trying to save you.”

“Well, good. That’s good, right? Spike saves me, I live, we make sure Dawny gets into a good college… so it’s good. Uh, isn’t it good?”

It was Anya’s turn to bite her lip as she glanced away. “If you let him save you, you live. But… things will be different, Xander. He… oh, God, I don’t want to be the one to tell you this but you have to choose. You’re on the edge right now. You could go either way.”

Brown eyes narrowed slightly. “Okay. I choose Spike. Better the devil I know, right? Or… he isn’t trying to save me by turning me, is he? Because I so don’t want to be a vampire! Not even one with a soul, because… well, there’s enough of those already, right? And the blood drinking? Can I just say ewww?”

A short laugh was followed immediately by Anya shaking her head. “No. He’s not making you into a vampire but you won’t be… exactly human anymore. I mean, okay. Still with the heartbeat and needing sleep and food and all that, but… Xander, you won’t be the same.”

“But I won’t drink blood, right?”

“You won’t need to drink blood after you’re back. No.”

“Fine. Then I want to go, Anya. I… I’m sorry, but I do. I love him.” He paled suddenly. “Uh, not that I don’t love you too, but it’s…”

“It’s not the same,” she finished for him. “I know. And if you’re going to go back, you should really do it now. You know, before Spike gets all angsty and broody and glowery over not letting you die.”

The sudden rushing sensation caught Xander by surprise, even as he tried to puzzle out why his lover would get upset about saving him. “Wha…?”

“What the…” he cried out as he snapped back to himself and felt the body on him… in him… Spike was inside him and he was… he was… there was blood in his mouth and…“N-no…! No, I… S-spike, d-don’t, I don’t want…”


God, he wanted to stop, wanted to pull away from his Xander’s tight, ever-more-heated body, but he couldn’t, and Xander wasn’t drinking him anymore; was talking, of all things, and that wasn’t supposed to happen and…

“C-can’t… stop,” he managed to groan, even as he held his boy down harder, hips pistoning almost wildly as he plunged repeatedly into the depths of the hot, shaking body beneath him.

“Need… it ta… count, luv… oh, bloody… bloody hell, Xander… just let… let me… need ta… so sorry, luv… so bloody sorry… promised, I did… no choice, pet… had ta…”

And that stunned him for another moment because Spike was right. He had promised, and… and as far as Xander knew, the vampire had never broken his word; not since the soul, anyway, and if Spike was… doing this without his approval then there had to be some reason and…

He whimpered as a particularly forceful thrust rocked him deep into the mattress, small bolts of pain shooting through him from his aching anus, and yet… it was nothing like the pain he’d somehow expected to feel from finally doing this and… and then it happened.

“Need ta finish this,” the blond grunted, still muttering, his voice strained and rough, “So sorry, luv… said I wouldn’t…” He shifted higher, working to find release inside his boy… his claimed when this was done, and at the first shocked and wordless shout he slowed. “Xan… Xander… bloody hell, luv, don’t want ta hurt you… never again, pet, but I need ta…” And then there were strong, warm arms around him, holding him close and he couldn’t quite manage to look into those doubtlessly loathing eyes.

It was that last thrust that had made him yelp, his hips arching into it as the thick, ready length in his ass brushed roughly against what had to be his prostate. There was nothing else it could be, Xander figured, his eyes widening with surprise and stunned pleasure. He held Spike tightly, trying not to lose the sensation, only hearing the stumbling words after a good few seconds.

“N-no… no.” He forced the words from his lips on a breath he really needed for other things but Spike was worried and upset and he couldn’t ignore that; not when he thought he might finally understand… something. “No… just… G-god, Spike. Go… g-go slow, ok-kay? I…”

Well, that had him stopped in his tracks like nothing else could have. “Xander… I… y-you…”

He took the opportunity to breathe, even while he got used to the sensation of being opened wide and filled nearly to bursting with his lover’s cock. “W-whatever happened, you h-have some reason for d-doing this, baby. I… I know it. I just… s-since we’re here and all, sh-show me how this can f-f-feel g-good, okay…? I… p-p-please, Spike.”

And okay, so he was ignoring the whole thing where he’d been drinking Spike’s blood, but… one trauma at a time was about all Xander figured he could handle. “Th-that last… it felt k-kinda, um…” He blushed. “Maybe you could d-do that again…?”

His bloke didn’t hate him. The realization filled his mind as he leaned down, pressing himself deeper without really moving at all. “Think I could… do that, luv. Y’know, ‘since we’re here and all’…” He smirked hopefully at the blush his boy suddenly sported. “Just lift your legs up, pet… ‘round my ribs, yah?” He groaned when the new position had him balls-deep inside that glorious hole.

“Oh… God,” Xander whispered, eyes growing wider still, “Th-that’s… different.” He moaned loud and long when the vampire covering him rocked just a bit. “Oh, yeah… definitely d-different. Good-different.” Still a little bit achey and a lot uncomfortable, but… good.

“Bloody hell… goin’ ta start movin’ now, Xan… have ta, a’right? Can’t help it. Feels so… bloody… you feel…”

The first long, slow slide out and back in had Xander hard as a rock. The next implacable thrust had him gasping when the sensation from earlier was repeated. “Oh… oh, r-right there…” he whimpered, fingers finding purchase on cool, soft skin and the flexing muscles that lay beneath. “God, Spike… I n-never… never thought… but it’s s-so… you’re so… and God, d-don’t s-s-stop… j-just l-like th-th-that…”

He wasn’t sure of whether it was the hitched breaths or the little stutters that were getting to him so much, but Spike didn’t care. It was all Xander, either way, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to make this as good for the bloke as possible, the way it had started aside.

“Not stoppin’, luv,” he gasped softly into one reddened ear as he forced himself to move slowly, carefully… but forcefully too. “Goin’ ta make you quiver, Xan… build you up ‘til you can’t resist spillin’ long an’ hard between us… and then I’m goin’ ta pull outta you and lick you clean, luv… know how much you love my mouth on you, I do.”

He chuckled shakily at the deep moan the words earned him, his body moving just a little bit faster as his boy embraced the experience fully. “And when you’re all cleaned up, luv, and I’ve taken in every drop of you…? I’m goin’ ta slip right back inta you, Xan… and do it all over again. Want ta see your face when I open you up, don’t I? See your eyes all glazed and hot with need and want.” He swallowed hard, pressing his lips to the full, red ones beneath him. “Missed that this time, pet. Can’t go another night without it.”

“Oh… oh, God…”

“Yah… goin’ ta be callin’ out for him, you are… and nobody there ta answer you but your Spike, luv…”

Spike growled softly as he pulled back, leaving just the thick head of his shaft inside the blessing of his boy’s body, then he slid forward once more. His own moan of pleasure was drowned out by Xander’s mewl, but that was fine, he figured.

“And I am yours, pet… have been for ages. Thing is… bloody hell…” Another long, slow slide, his bloke’s scrambling hands spurring him on, “You… bloody… mine too, Xander… mine too, now, and I…”

Too many words that he wasn’t even hearing. Too much proof that Spike wasn’t as consumed by what they were doing as he was.

Long, thick fingers grasped desperately at pale skin, even as Xander arched hard into the latest thrust and he forced himself to clench around the intruding but now blissfully filling shaft piercing him.

“S-spike…” he managed to whimper, his own action increasing the immediacy of the sensation, “P-p-please…”

And if that wasn’t a sign of some sort, Spike didn’t know what was.

His body moved harder, faster, still taking care not to hurt his bloke any more than was necessary… and when Xander’s fingers dug deep into the flesh of his ass, pulling him almost roughly into the hot, safe haven of his body, Spike howled.

His sac tightened even more, drawing up tight and hard against his body. “Love you,” he groaned, pressing deep, hard, full… and when he felt the throbbing length trapped between them pulse; when he heard his boy’s loud, keening wail and found his skin being splattered with hot, rich seed, he came.

He came long, hard… nearly endlessly, and if he’d known how good it could be, Xander figured he might have tried this sooner, but… weak, a sissy boy, nothing but a fucking faggot; gonna show you what being a faggot is, you sorry little shit… he’d never had the nerve.

Hell, though… if this was what Spike had felt all the times he’d been allowed inside the vampire’s body, then no wonder the blond hadn’t complained.

His arms held tight around the pale but strong form, reveling in the coolness both within and without as Spike filled him nearly to overflowing with thick spunk, and wasn’t that an odd sensation, but not bad, just new, and… his own shaft finally spilled its last between them, his thoughts emerging in unintelligible gasps and groans.

For his own part, Spike was lost. He’d just spent the last however long inside his bloke; had come inside his boy! And Xander was awake and knew it and didn’t hate him, which was entirely not what he’d expected and he didn’t know quite how to handle it or how to believe it, but he did.

And then he replayed the slightly naughty words he’d said; the promises he’d made… and a slow, blissful smile spread across his lips as he pulled himself from Xander’s hole, groaning as the still-tight sphincter mapped each ridge and vein until he was free.

“Goin’ ta do just what I said, luv,” he whispered, gold-flecked eyes locked on starry brown, “but first, Xan… goin’ ta kiss you. Need ta kiss you now. Hope you don’t mind…” And then cool lips met hot ones and Spike… was lost.

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