Thursday Night Kitten Poker


Part Sixteen

Their eyes met, and Spike wiggled his eyebrows. With a grin and a little war whoop, Xander took off running through the apartment with Spike in hot pursuit. Vaulting over the couch and sailing around the dining table, faking left and going right, Xander stayed just out of reach until he'd sprinted into the bedroom. There Spike easily caught up and tackled him onto the bed, straddling his hips firmly. Xander bucked and squirmed, fighting valiantly until Spike had him pinned down with both wrists held above his head. Spike might even have thought Xander was genuinely fighting to get free, if it wasn't for all the giggling he was doing.

Xander grinned even wider. "Oh, woe is me!" Xander lamented in a lilting voice. "You caught me fair and square, you Big Bad Vampire! Now that you have me in your evil clutches, whatever will you do with me?"

Spike's amused leer reached epic proportions. He chortled in a deep voice, "That depends on you, young man. I was going to eat you, but I could be persuaded to spare your life. For a price." Spike nibbled and sucked Xander's lower lip, using his free hand to fondle Xander through his jeans. "Will you submit of your own free will?"

"Oh! I submit! Please don't hurt me – I'll do anything!!" Xander bucked upward, rubbing his crotch against Spike's hand. "I am helpless to resist! One look at your compact yet well-muscled body and my poor virtue is defenseless against your lascivious desires!"

Spike broke down laughing and collapsed on top of his boy. "Now that's just too over the top, even for me. What brought this on, anyway?"

"Rocky & Bullwinkle was on cartoon network this morning."

Spike snorted. "So, you got all that. From Rocky & Bullwinkle."

"Dudley-Do-Right, actually. I mean, you really think Snidley Whiplash lusted after Nell, when he had Dudley flashing that tight little ass everywhere? All his tying damsels to the railroad tracks stuff was just a smokescreen to hide Snidley's forbidden lust for hot guys in Canadian Mounties uniforms!" Xander cupped Spike's ass with both hands and kissed him hard, then used the distraction to flip them both. He settled on top of Spike, crossing his arms over the vampire's chest and pillowing his head there. "Our package arrived today I take it?"

"Such a perceptive one you are, Cuddles." Spike carded his fingers affectionately through Xander's tumbled locks. Every time Xander brought up getting his hair cut, Spike had managed to... distract him. It had worked well so far.

"So do I finally get to see exactly what you decided to buy us, or are you still being all secretive guy?"

Spike arched an eyebrow and pointed over at the big old dresser they shared. Xander got up and wandered over for a closer look. Artfully arranged on the dresser top were several things that instantly had Xander panting and trembling with a major case of nerves. He hesitantly picked up one particularly large and showy toy, only to accidentally press the switch at the base. The instant it started vibrating in his hand, he gave a breathy shriek and instinctively flung it across the room as if it had burned him. Spike laughed, not unkindly, retrieved the vibrator and set it back down in its place on the dresser. He pressed his chest to Xander's back and wrapped his arms about him tightly, settling his chin on the boy's shoulder. The overwhelming smell of arousal Spike was picking up from Xander was becoming tinged with more then a little bit of fear.

Spike murmured, "We can take this as slow as you like, luv. We don't even have to do this at all if you don't want."

"Oh, I want – I definitely want. It's just… OK, the "Anal Play Beginner's Kit" I can deal with. I think. But this?" Xander picked up the large, intimidating vibrator again. "This thing is just too damn big! It's never going to fit inside me!"

"You underestimate yourself, Cuddles. Besides, who said that one was for you?"

Xander looked shocked. Spike added "What? You thought I was going to let you have all the fun?"

"You like the idea of sticking that great big thing up your ass?"

"No, I like the idea of you sticking that great big thing up my ass… I'd be turned on by anything you'd want to do to me, Xan. But I don't want you doing something you aren't ready for yet. Are you sure about this?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. Pretty sure... I mean, yeah I'm scared it'll hurt, but the way your fingers have felt back there has been fucking incredible, and I've seen how much you like it when I… when I fuck you. I couldn't believe that the Big Bad would ever bottom for anyone. But you look so damn happy doing it that I figure it's got to feel a whole lot better then it looks. Cause it looks pretty painful."

"I'll make it feel so good for you, luv. I'd never hurt you, Xan, never. Besides - chipped, remember? Couldn't hurt you even if I wanted to." They both stared into the dresser mirror as Spike's hand slipped under Xander's shirt. In the mirror Xander stood alone, his clothes and hair moving as if being mussed by invisible hands. Invisible fingers unbuttoned Mirror-Xander's jeans, and gently pulled them down a bit, freeing his rapidly stiffening cock. Spike nibbled at his neck, then continued in a low soothing voice, "We have all the time in the world to experiment as much as we like..." He curled his fingers around the boy's returning erection, stroking and squeezing gently enough to feel it twitch and fill in his hand. "Now I need to go check on dinner, and you should hop in the shower. Dinner won’t be ready for a while yet, so take your time. I want you all warm and relaxed. Want you all limber and bendable when I seduce you with my lascivious attractions."

Spike backed away with a last little squeeze to his lover's shaft, leaving Xander groaning and leaning unsteadily, his jeans pulled halfway down. As the vampire headed for the kitchen, Xander called after him, "And Geez, Spike! Did you buy every single flavor of lube they had? Do you own stock in the Wet! Corporation or something?"


Xander swayed back and forth under the showerhead, letting the pulse feature work the knots out of his neck and shoulders while working shampoo through his hair. Then he turned around, and turned the cold water way up. His erection wasn't going away, and he wasn't about to do anything to relieve it in the shower when he had Mister Sex God waiting outside for him. Grabbing the soap, he worked it into a lather, scrubbed his face roughly and then leaned into the spray of water, shampoo and soap suds winding their way down his body in long foamy trails. Suddenly he started in surprise as a pair of hands clasped his hips tightly.

A deep sexy voice murmured low in his ear, "Thought you might need some help scrubbing your – Holy Buggering Christ!!!" Spike shrieked like a little girl and scrambled to the far side of the shower. "What the fuck are you trying to do, kill us both?"

Xander quickly turned the cold water way down, forcing down the laugh that threatened to escape at the look on the vampire's face. "Sorry! Sorry, just trying to get rid of the painful case of blue balls you gave me. Didn't know I'd have company in here." He tested the spray from the showerhead, then opened his arms. "It's OK, it's getting nice and warm now."

"It damn well better be." Spike grumbled, but flew into Xander's arms and cuddled him fiercely. "I was planning to take care of that problem for you." Spike trailed his fingers down over Xander's chest, and teased the trail of fine hair leading down to his lover's cock. "Suppose we should get you squeaky clean first." Spike took the soap and worked up a good lather. He started washing his lover meticulously, working from his head down to his toes, kneading and stroking every inch, but studiously avoiding the now rampant dick swaying and bobbing in front of him.

Turning Xander in his arms, Spike lathered up again and scrubbed down his back, kneading out every little knot and twinge until every single one of Xander's muscles except one felt like a limp noodle. Nudging the boy's legs apart a little, Spike got Xander to lean forward and place his hands on the shower wall, looking for all the world like he was waiting to be frisked. The vampire got on his knees and washed the backs of Xander's thighs and calves, then began thoroughly washing his butt in smooth, slow circles.

Xander inhaled sharply as he felt his cheeks being spread, then cried out when Spike ran his tongue from just behind his balls all the way up to his trembling hole in a long, wet lick. Xander moaned loud as Spike circled his hole with his agile tongue, switching from slow soft licks to tiny nibbles to little stabs with a firm tongue that teased his entrance open and made Xander plead and babble as his entire body shook violently with need.

Suddenly the stabbing tongue stopped its exquisite torture and was replaced by a slippery wet finger. Xander whimpered as the finger found his prostate and wriggled against it. He could hear a low steady growly-purr coming from Spike. Xander panted and whined as the finger was replaced by Spike's questing tongue again. When Spike moaned, Xander could feel it ricochet through his entire body, and at times the vamp's arms were the only thing still holding him up. He could feel his orgasm building, and his cock hadn't even been touched.

Then the finger came back, and brought one of its friends along with. The slick fingers scissored inside him slightly, and he felt a twinge of pain. He froze, afraid he might set off the chip. He decided that if there was any chance of pain, he'd better be the one to initiate it. Trying to relax and open himself, he pushed back onto Spike's fingers roughly, forcing them all the way in and jabbing them against his happy spot. He realized that the growling noise coming from Spike sometimes formed words. "You look so fucking hot like this… Fuck! So tight… Yes, oh, yes, just like that... My beautiful darling boy… Mine, and no one else’s! …So fucking sexy!"

Xander panted and fucked himself on Spike's hand until he was only moments from exploding, when his balls were suddenly tugged down and he felt Spike's hand tighten around the base of his cock. Xander yelled and swore, the delayed orgasm rocketing through every nerve painfully. Spike crooned wordlessly and soothed him oh so gently, but didn't let go and let him come.

Once Xander was somewhat in control of himself again, Spike got up off his knees and grabbed something from beyond the shower curtain. When the vamp slipped it over Xander's cock and balls, he realized it was a cock ring. He tried to object but was stopped by a warm wet kiss. Spike's fingers returned to stretching Xander's hole, and his protests changed to steady moans and gasps. Just when Xander was ready to sob in frustration, Spike removed his fingers and pulled Xander back to lean against him, then carefully maneuvered him so Xander was facing him with his back up against the shower wall. Strong arms lifted Xander forward and held him tight, and then started easing him back until something big and smooth nudged his hole. He glanced over one shoulder and down, and spied something suction cupped to the shower wall... Oh!

"This is the hard part, Cuddles. You're going to have to push back until it's inside you and getting it in might hurt a bit at first. If you go slow, it won't be so bad. It's no bigger around than my two fingers, and you liked having those up there, didn't you?" Xander nodded dumbly. He was so desperate to come he could barely see, much less answer questions coherently. "Good. Go slow, and try to make your muscles relax and let it in. I promise, once we get past this part, it'll feel so good."

Xander tried to relax and pushed back onto the dildo that Spike had stuck firmly to the shower wall. The vampire whispered broken encouragements while stroking Xander's back, arms and thighs soothingly. Inch by inch he sank slowly down onto the toy. Spike toyed with his nipples, licking and nibbling everywhere he could reach. Xander trembled violently when he felt the cold tiles of the wall and realized he'd taken the whole thing deep inside. He looked up into Spike's face and the vampire kissed him almost reverently. Xander felt himself slowly pulled forward until the toy was almost completely out, then pushed roughly back until it was fully seated inside him again. Then he did it again. And again, only a little faster.

"Soon that'll be my cock, buried deep inside you… Feeling you tighten around me, filling you, fucking you, claiming you for mine." Spike shifted Xander slightly from side to side, until the panting boy bellowed and scored lines down the vampires back with his nails when the toy made contact with his happy spot. He saw shooting stars and felt dizzy with the desperate need for release. Spike started up a rhythm of slow pulls forward and firm steady pushes back that had the dildo rubbing back and forward across his prostate with every move. Xander yelled obscenities between frantic gulps of air and begged to be allowed to come. Finally Spike got to the point where he wasn't sure he could hold back his own orgasm any longer.

"Are you ready, my precious? Ready to come for me?"

Xander screamed "Yes! For fuck's sake, YES!"

Four things happened in rapid succession: Spike fell to his knees before Xander, pushed the button on the remote control hanging from his wrist, yanked off the cock ring, and swallowed Xander's leaking prick down to the root.

Xander felt the deep throbbing vibrations in his ass the same instant that he felt the cock ring come off. Spike sucked down his cock until it hit the back of his throat, and swallowed around it. Xander's body convulsed in huge violent spasms and he screamed as he thrust mindlessly and shot almost painful bursts of come down Spike's throat.


Xander came out of his orgasm-induced coma lying on their bed, Spike spooning behind him, purring loudly and stroking him all over as if he were a very big cat. He moaned hoarsely and arched back into the vampire. "I'm dead, aren't I? You're killing me. I see it all now. You can't bite me, so your cunning plan is to fuck me to death… Not complaining, though."

"So you liked?"

"Liked? Liked? Like is for Twinkies and nachos. This was indescribable. Visceral. Mind-blowing." He opened his clenched fists and looked down. His hands were clutching tufts of blond hair. "Wow. I've had some really incredible sex in the last few weeks, but this is the first time I've ever yanked out handfuls of my lover's hair and not even noticed I was doing it."

Spike nibbled Xander's neck, wound his limbs around his boy even tighter and admitted in a dazed voice, "I've seen many things in my time, pet. Sometimes Dru and I would pay people to tie each other up and have sex in front of us. Then we'd join in, take our pleasure, and eat them all afterwards. I've seen Darla flogging Dru raw while she sucked off Angelus. Hell, I've seen Darla give my sire a sound flogging, then pound into him with a strap-on till he screamed and begged like a little girl. But I have never seen anything to compare with you tonight. The way you move, the way you moan for me. The fervent way you respond, giving me everything you've got. You're the hottest *kiss* sexiest *lick* most incredible thing I have ever seen. I can't wait to make you mine. I want to be inside you so badly, precious, it's like torture having to wait. Tonight was just the pre-show, just wait until we get to the main event."

Xander groaned with a little smile. "I'm not sure I can take much more. You keep fucking me halfway into a coma. If the sex gets any better you might cripple me."

Spike attacked Xander's neck with hot sucking kisses. "God, I can't wait to be inside you, sweetheart, show you how good it feels... Mmm, want to feel that tight heat around me. Wanna make you moan. Wanna fill you up. It's gonna be so good... Wish I could bite you, then it'd be perfect."

Xander looked curiously at his lover. "Come again?"

"Just a nibble." Spike demonstrated on Xander's pulse point. "Wouldn't hurt you. Not like it'll ever happen anyway." Spike gathered Xander to his chest with a sigh, clutching him like a giant teddy bear. "If I only could, I'd claim you properly, fuck you slow and deep while I drink from you." Spike's eyes abruptly changed to gold. "Not much. Just enough to claim you as my mate and place my mark on you, so that every single demon you met would know that you're mine! - and if they don't show you the proper respect I'll fucking maim them."

"You do that now."

"Well, yeah." Spike shrugged, eyes shifting back to blue, and tried for noncommittal. "But then even Peaches would have to be nice to you. And Dru and Darla, too. We'd be bonded, sort of permanent-like. So you'd be like a member of the family."

"I see." Xander yawned and thought it over for a minute, then smiled. "I wouldn't have to attend any family reunions, would I? Because the Harris family gatherings were enough to scar me for life."

"Nah pet, haven't had a meeting of clans since the Master was up and about. Rat-faced little git."

A buzzer sounded from the kitchen. Spike reluctantly unwound his limbs from around his Xan-pet and sat up.

"Hungry, pet? I could bring a tray in here for you, if you're too knackered to move."

"What's for dinner?"

"Wild Salmon stuffed with crab, gorgonzola and shredded root vegetables in a citrus vinaigrette marinade."

Xander stared blankly.

Spike heaved a long-suffering sigh. "That baked fish thing you like so much. With the stinky cheese inside."

"Oh! Nummy!"

Xander sprang up and scurried naked into the kitchen. Spike followed in hot pursuit.

Part Seventeen

Spike was pissed. Today was Xander's birthday, and he wanted it to be special. He'd even wanted to throw him a party, but it looked like none of his Scooby friends could be bothered to show up. Oh, they all had good excuses: Buffy and Dawn were in L.A. with their Dad for summer break, and the Wicca Lovers had gone off to some annual gathering of hippy new-age types. Evidently it was like this every year. No wonder Xander had never had a decent Birthday party before.

Well, this year was going to be different. Spike was going to make up for every other birthday his Xan-pet had ever had.


Xander was determined. Today was his birthday, and he hated his birthday. His childhood birthdays sucked beyond the telling of it, and each new birthday just seemed to reach a new low. He'd thought that once he was out of his parent's house, he could throw himself a big party and finally enjoy his birthday. But every year all his friends would be out of town, and he'd wind up celebrating all alone. Willow always made it up to him when she got back from her yearly Wicca retreat thingy, but it just wasn't the same.

Last year with Anya was no picnic either. Never one for selfless gift-giving, she'd taken it upon herself to use his birthday to "fix" everything about him that she didn't like, especially his wardrobe. Not that she didn't have good taste in clothes, but he'd spent his entire life getting clothes each birthday and Christmas when all the other kids got toys and games. If he never got another gift piece of clothing as long as he lived, it would still be too soon.

Well, this year was going to be different. Xander didn't want a big party anymore. He wanted to spend the whole weekend alone with Spike. What he really wanted was to take Spike somewhere far away from the hellmouth, somewhere with a big hot-tub and a balcony overlooking a tropical beach and lock themselves in their room for a month. Never put on clothes, or even get out of bed except to use the hot-tub or go have sex in the moonlit surf.

Unfortunately he couldn't quite afford to fly them to Tahiti this year. He'd done a lot of thinking about it though, and had come up with a plan that he was hopeful would knock Spike's socks off.


A week-long heat wave had hit Sunnydale, and Xander was so glad that his birthday fell on a Friday this year. He'd arranged a little time off, and once his workday was over he'd have the next five days free to spend with Spike in air-conditioned bliss. He couldn't wait to spring his little surprise. Once Xander got home from work, he got pinned to the wall by the horny vampire and kissed until he saw stars. In other words, his usual welcome home. Then he was ushered directly to the shower, where Spike gave him his first birthday present of the day. They fucked and frolicked like playful otters until all the hot water ran out.

The doorbell rang while they were drying themselves off. The way Spike threw jeans on and hastily told Xander he'd see who was at the door simply screamed that Spike was hiding something. When Xander finished getting dressed and went in search of his vampire he found him in the dining room, unpacking enough Indian take-away for a small army. "Ah, Spike? What's with all the food? I'm mighty hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

"That's food for the guests."

Xander's eyebrows shot up. "Guests?"

"Yeah. Guests. At the Birthday party. Ah, surprise!"

"Oh, Spike. That's so sweet." Xander gave him a tight squeeze and grinned at the grimace he got for calling Spike sweet to his face. "You shouldn't have. Seriously. I just want to be alone with you tonight. I wanted to get an early night, you know?" With a naughty grin, Xander waggled his eyebrows like Groucho Marx, slipped his hands into the Spike's back pockets and squeezed. "Besides, no one's going to show up anyway."

Spike growled, "Yes they will, or I'll strangle them with their own entrails."

Xander chuckled ruefully. "Buffy and Dawn are in L.A., Willow & Tara are off in the Catskills, who else is there to invite?"

Just then the doorbell rang.

"See Cuddles, you underestimate yourself. You have plenty of friends besides the scoobies."

Spike opened the door and ushered the first guest in.

"Xander! You're looking well. Gay sex obviously agrees with you."


"It's Anyanka, now. Happy Birthday!" A flat box haphazardly wrapped in paper so gaudy it hurt the eye was shoved at him. "So, how did you two decide to hook up? You do realize that in some cultures, I'd have the right to demand a farewell threesome, you know – Ooh! Tandoori chicken wings!"

Before either man could reply the doorbell rang again. Xander answered the door, and recognized Clem behind the stack of boxes the floppy-eared demon was carrying. "Hey, Xander! Many Happy Returns of the day! I bought frozen treats for the party – where's your freezer?"

As they put away the rapidly melting Popsicles, Fudgesicles, Bomb-Pops and Ice Cream Sandwiches, Clem explained that his newest job involved driving an Ice Cream Truck; coincidentally for the same company that Xander had driven for a couple of years back. Clem was using his route to double-up as a courier for some of the local demon businesses for some extra cash, instead of selling drugs out of the truck the way most of the other drivers supplemented their meager incomes. Xander was stunned to hear that, but figured it sure explained an awful lot. The employee discount on ice cream sure had been sweet, though. But in the end, he explained, it was having to listen to "Frosty the Snowman" on continuous repeat for thirty-five hours a week that had made Xander quit that horrible job.

Unwrapping a Grape Popcicle, Xander decided that since he still owed his Blondie Bear for springing the surprise party on him, he wasn't above teasing his lover a bit. Besides, Spike had sucked most of his brains out through his cock in the shower earlier, and then was in too much of a hurry to let Xander return the favor. Now he knew why. He deserved a little torture for that.

With as innocent an expression as he could muster, he started sucking and licking on his Popsicle exactly like he'd wanted to suck on something else earlier that evening. The look on Spike's face and the way he froze while lighting his cigarette and almost set his hair on fire was totally worth it. After that, Xander shamelessly fellated his Popsicle whenever Spike glanced his way, showing him tantalizing glimpses of his agile, purple-dyed tongue. The poor flustered vampire tried and failed to avoid staring at him. As he watched Spike adjusting himself when he thought no one else was looking, Xander could tell that he was going to pay dearly for this later. In fact, he thought with a smirk, he was counting on it! He just hoped he wasn't going too far with the teasing, or he just might end up with a Popsicle shoved somewhere painful.

As more guests arrived, Xander decided to go easy on the poor vamp. On the one hand, all he wanted to do was grab Spike, drag him into the broom closet and have his wicked way with him, but on the other hand he was touched by all the trouble Spike had gone to. The spicy appetizers were quickly being demolished by humans and demons alike. Anya had started a multilingual game of Pictionary in the living room. Spike himself was busy swearing a blue streak and fighting to get the beer tap into the first keg of the night.

A couple of antique dealers they knew from upstate arrived, right behind a few of their more pleasant poker buddies and, to Xander's surprise, Jonathon. The ongoing conversation drifted from the advantages and perils of spellcasting on the Hellmouth to the sci-fi collectables convention in Sacramento later that month. Xander noted that Jonathon quickly fit in like he'd known everyone there for years. Then Willow and Tara called long-distance to wish him a Happy Birthday, and he was on the phone with them for twenty minutes. By the time he hung up the party was in full swing; and the humans and demons were all getting along swell, if not necessarily behaving themselves.


An hour later, and Xander was incredibly glad that none of the scoobies had been able to make his party. He wouldn't know quite how to explain the spectacle unfolding at his kitchen table at the moment. Besides, Spike had clearly decided to retaliate in kind, and the obscene popsicle-sucking contest had begun in earnest. The sight of that (radioactive blue) tongue, knowing exactly what it was capable of, was driving him crazy.

"Three Kings." Anya fanned out her cards on the table and returned to sucking her Blow-pop and flirting with Jonathon.

"Full House, Aces over Tens." Garthog the Destroyer displayed his hand proudly.

"Well, that's fucked me right enough." Spike said as he threw his hand in.

"I knew you were bluffing, vampire. You should know better by now then to bluff Garthog the Destroyer!" Garthog started stacking up the huge pile of chips as Spike began to gather up the cards.

Xander cleared his throat and tried to sound helpless and feeble as he laid out his hand. "Umm, I have Four Jacks."

Every eye in the room froze and stared at Xander, even the ones on stalks. To cover, he returned to single-mindedly slurping his Cherry Popsicle.

Spike snarked proudly at the room in general, "I told ya, it's the quiet ones ya gotta watch out for." As he spoke, two girlish figures appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?"

"The Slayer!" A couple of the demons from Willy's jumped up from their chairs, and backed away slowly, casing the room for other exits.

"Way cool! Can I play?" Dawn asked, bouncing and rubbing her hands together.

"Buffy! Dawnie!" Xander jumped up and grabbed both girls in a huge bearhug, coincidentally placing himself between the Slayer and his non-human poker buddies. He grinned from ear to ear. "I didn't think you could make it!"

"And miss the Xan-man's big birthday bash? No way! – Hey, Hiya Clem!" Buffy and Clem waved at each other from across the table. "Ah, Xander? Please tell me you're not playing for kittens."

Xander pretended to be affronted. "Would I do that? We're only playing for money and the occasional bit of jewelry. So please don't beat up the other guests, OK? They're all my friends."

Buffy waved her hand dismissively. "Hey – I'm still on vacation. As long as none of the guests eats any of the other guests, I'm cool. Deal me in?"

"Me too! Spike taught me how to play!" Dawn chortled, pulling up a chair.

At that remark, a chorus of both human and demonic groans filled the kitchen.


A couple of hands later, Spike and Xander both bowed out of the game. As Xander finished off his latest Popsicle and passed the hall closet, strong familiar arms suddenly grabbed him from behind and shoved them both inside, shutting the closet door behind them. "Finally!" thought Xander.

He was bodily picked up and pinned with his back against the door as a cool tongue delved deep inside his mouth and counted his back teeth. Xander gave as good as he got, joining in enthusiastically and only pulling away when he'd had to gasp for air to keep from passing out. He traced the shell of Spike's ear with his tongue, and nuzzling along his lover's neck until he found the perfect spot, he bit down hard. Spike bellowed and swore like a sailor until Xander let go and returned to kissing him, sharing the faint coppery taste of Spike's own blood with the dazed vampire.

Two sets of hands frantically roamed and explored as they ground their hips together and moaned into each other's mouths. Spike whimpered as Xander's hand upzipped his pants and reached inside, wrapping around the vampire's iron-hard length and stroking firmly. Xander abruptly switched their positions and dropped to his knees. A warm, wet tongue stroked quickly up the underside of Spike's erection, swirled along inside the foreskin around the leaking head, and then Xander wrapped his lips tightly around his prize and sucked the crown of Spike's prick hard, his tongue flicking and teasing. Spike howled, banging his head hard against the door behind him. Xander slurped and licked as if Spike's cock was the best Popsicle he'd ever had, while one hand fondled and rolled the vamp's balls in their soft, fuzzy sac and tickled the little patch of flesh behind them. Spike fisted one hand in his lover's hair, the other flailing out blindly to find the pullcord for the light. His eyes adjusted to the sudden glare and he looked down. Xander's dilated brown eyes locked with his as he hungrily swallowed around Spike's cock while pulling roughly on his own. He slowly pulled back the length of Spike's cock to the very tip, and then took him back in until his nose met the crisp hairs at the base, doing his best to give his lover a good show. The sight quickly pushed Spike over the edge and he screamed Xander's name, trembling as the young man lovingly milked him dry.

Spike pulled Xander back up, and kissed him thoroughly, chasing down every last trace of himself inside his lover's mouth. Spike decided that there was nothing better in this world then the taste of his own spunk on Xander's tongue, second only to his lovely boy's spunk, or his rich warm blood. Spike smirked at how tousled and debauched Xander looked: hair askew and soft eyes, lips just slightly bruised and swollen from kissing.

"Now, let that be a lesson to ya, you brazen hussy." Spike tried to sound stern, but his voice was still wobbly and a little hoarse. Zipping them both up and straightening their clothes, he swooped in for one last tongue-tangling smooch as he opened the closet door.

Half a dozen party guests stood in the hall, suddenly looking anywhere but at their hosts and picking back up half-finished conversations while hiding their knowing smirks with varying degrees of success.

With the trademark straight-forwardness that Xander both loved and hated, Anya piped up, "If you're done having sex for the moment, several people want to know when you're going to open up your OTHER presents."


Xander sat there, stunned and rather at a loss for words. He'd never made anywhere near this kind of haul before. He sat on the couch, surrounded by tattered heaps of wrapping paper. Buffy and Dawn had gotten him Amazon Gift Certificates and a ten-pound container of peanut M&Ms, which were rapidly disappearing as the guests helped themselves. Xander was grateful, because it meant he could hide away the enormous box of Lady Godiva Chocolates that Willow had gifted him to eat later. Willow's bag of presents also contained a small box wrapped in Sunday comics and labeled "Hippo Birdie dude! From Oz and Devon." He was pretty sure what was in that box, and if it was anything like last year's gift, that one was going to be opened in private. Tara had made him a pair of protection amulets, a big jar of healing salve and some homemade fudge. He was rapidly going to have enough chocolate to give an entire herd of elephants a major sugar buzz. He couldn't be happier - this was so much better then clothes! He'd also received a box of old 45's and several tattered monster movie posters from his antique trader buddies. Next, Jonathon handed him a rare and precious Darth Vader Pez Dispenser, blushing and mumbling, "Thanks for inviting me, I really appreciate it. I don't get invited to parties much. You wouldn't believe the two losers I've been spending my weekends with lately. There's only so much Dungeons and Dragons a guy can take before he goes completely batshit insane, you know?"

Inside Anya's long flat box was a little envelope with a fancy certificate granting him one wish. She explained that unlike vengeance wishes, this one came with no nasty strings attached. But as a result it was only a very small wish that wasn't capable of altering any living being; but he could use the wish to alter any small stone or metal object in almost any way he liked. She assured him that when the time was right, he'd know exactly what small object to transmutate. Xander tried to puzzle that out, but Anya distracted him by asking what Spike was like in bed, and then someone shoved more presents at him. Xander felt like Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life," stunned that he had this many friends. The pile of loot just kept growing.

Spike alone had given him more presents then he usually got in total for his birthday. His first gift had been an incredible set of throwing knives, each perfectly balanced and made to fit his hand. The next box, which had obviously contained clothes, had made him hesitate for a moment; but he really couldn't fault Spike. The buttery-soft black leather pants looked so tight he wasn't sure he could even fit into them without slathering himself in butter first. Spike quickly volunteered to help out with that when the time came. Several CD's, DVD's, books, and a gift certificate for a tattoo later, and he still hadn't opened everything Spike had wrapped up for him. He enthusiastically shredded the sleek black wrapping paper off of the latest gift from his adorable, marvelous, potent vampire lover.

"The Pop-Up Kama Sutra!! Aw gee, thanks Spike!"

Spike leered gleefully. "You know what they say, pet: It's the gift that keeps on giving."


"Goodnight! Thanks for coming!"

Xander shut & locked the door, barely able to stumble to the couch before collapsing next to the sleepy vampire.

"Thanks, Spike. I can honestly say that was the best Birthday I've ever had." Xander snuggled next to his nearly comotose lover. Leaning over, he licked the rapidly fading toothmarks he'd left earlier, and smirked happily at the involuntary purr that resulted. "Oh Lord, that was fun... I thought they'd never leave. Speaking of which, did you see Anya and Jonathon going home together? That poor guy is so doomed." Xander yawned almost hard enough to dislocate his own jaw. "Let's go to bed, huh? We can clean up the place in the morning before we leave."

Spike rose and stretched like a big cat. "It is morning... Wait a minute, what do you mean, leave?"

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that. I got distracted by that party you threw me, you great big softy." It was a testiment to Spike's exhaustion that that remark only received a little growl. "You're free for the next few days, aren't you? Because I thought we could use a break, just a few days away from the hellmouth to relax, you know? And I wanted it to be a surprise. So, umm, surprise!"

"What are you up to now, kitten? You know I'm always up for anything you have in mind." That thing he does with his tongue gets more obscene every time he does it, thought Xander.

"Oh, no. I've kept it a secret this long, now you'll just have to wait a little longer. Ill explain in the morning, I'm too tired to do this now." With that, Xander dragged himself to his feet and lumbered blindly into the bedroom, shedding clothes as he walked. He collapsed like a sack of flour onto their bed.

Spike followed, rolling Xander over and pulling the covers over them both. "I don't wanna wait. Tell me now."

"In the morning." Xander yawned.

Spike elbowed Xander in the ribs. "C'mon, you can't tease me like that. At least give me a hint."

"In the morning."


"In the morning, Blue Eyes." Xander covered Spike's body like a human blanket, wrapping his limbs around his lover in a death-grip. He licked his mark one more time, and tucked his head under Spike's chin. In the space of a heartbeat, he was fast asleep.

Spike wanted to lie awake for a while, feeling offended that Xander wouldn't even give him one little hint, and worried that Xander had been able to keep a secret from him the way he had; but the young man made a wonderful bedwarmer, and he was so damn tired....

Part Eighteen

Xander woke up brimming with the kind of energy that only a massive amount of sugar the night before can provide. He let Spike sleep late, tidying up the party mess, taking out the garbage and packing his suitcase before heating up the vamp's morning blood. He watched the bleary-eyed vampire shuffle to the table and digest his breakfast for a while. Biting his tongue, he pretended to read the morning paper, knowing the silence wouldn't last long. Right on cue, Spike's neurons started firing up again.

"Oi! Gimme my pressie, Wanker!"

Suppressing a smirk, Xander slid an envelope across the table. Spike attacked it like a five-year-old on Christmas morning; then sat staring, bemused at the slips of paper in his hands.

"The Damned... You got us tickets to see the Damned."

Xander shrugged. "You took me to see Alison Krauss last month; I thought I should return the favor. I remember you'd said that they were one of the best punk rock bands ever, so I know you like them."

Spike looked very pleased. "But Xan, these are tickets to see the Damned at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas."

Xander grinned like a cheshire cat. "And what's more, I got us reservations for a kickass suite at the Luxor. With blackout curtains and our own private Jacuzzi." Xander blushed, but met Spike's gleeful leer with one of his own. "We've only got an hour until we have to leave for the airport. How quickly do you think you can pack?"

"Pfft. I can be ready in two minutes."

"Good." Xander stood up and tugged on Spike's hand urgently. "That leaves us fifty-seven minutes for a quickie in the shower."


Xander dropped his suitcases and collapsed on the bed with an exaggerated bounce, testing the springs with a giggle of delight. Spike casually flung off his duster and sauntered to the windows, checking out the room while trying not to look like he was checking out the room.

The flight had been uneventful, a weekly charter by an airline used to "sun-sensitive" patrons flying in and out of Sunnydale. The attendants checked his cooler of blood through the baggage claim with a minimum of fuss. The plane had been a little forty-seater "puddle-jumper." And Xander's delight at flying for the first time had been infectious.

Xander leaned back on his elbows. "We made good time, showtime isn't for three hours yet. So, what do you think Blondie? Shall we head down to the casino for a little poker before the concert? Or we could go watch the big volcano at the Mirage, it's supposed to spew lava once every hour."

Down on the strip, the eruption was already at its height. Spike's eyes swept from the beautiful but almost surreal view out the window to his lover, splayed artlessly across the comforter. Spike prowled his way to the bed, looming over Xander. He took in the tousled hair, blue jeans and painfully bright Hawaiian shirt over a too-large black Tee.

"Right then. Those clothes simply have to go." Spike roughly yanked Xander's arms out of his shirt and shucked his shoes off.

"Hey, hey! Getting a little too grabby there Mister! Don't I get dinner and a movie first?" Xander reached down and stilled the hands that were unbuckling his belt.

Spike stopped manhandling Xander with a sigh. "Look Cuddles, if you want to get through the night without half the skinheads in Nevada trying to kick the everlovin' shit out of you, you can't wear that. Wear the leather pants I bought you."

"I didn’t pack the leather pants."

Spike gave him a triumphantly smug look. "Good thing I went through your suitcase and repacked for you then, eh?"

"You – you repacked my – where the hell do you get off?" Xander sputtered, indignant.

Spike leaned down and captured Xander's upper lip, sucking at it sharply; and then kissed him until he saw stars, his anger evaporating into thin air.

"You're in Vegas, Xander. You don't want to dress like some regular Joe from southern California. You can do that at home. It's like Halloween; you're supposed to stop being normal and let yourself go wild." Spike’s smile turned dangerously feral. "Haven’t you heard? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."


Spike pulled back and surveyed his handiwork. Satisfied, he set down the eyeliner. Xander let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Can I look now?"

"Give me a minute! Rome wasn't built in a day." Spike ran hairgel-slicked fingers through Xander's hair with enthusiasm.

"You’ve been saying that for the last half an hour. We ain't got all night, you know."

Spike chuckled. "Bitch, bitch, bitch. Christ, you're worse then Dru sometimes."

"I didn't ask for this, asshole! You were the one-"

"All done!" Spike grabbed Xander's hand and pulled him up, spinning him around so he faced the mirror.

"...Oh, Dear God."

"Brilliant, isn't it? I think I've outdone myself this time. Bloody masterpiece, you are."

Xander took in his reflection in the mirror as his equally punked-out invisible mentor tweaked and preened him one last time. He almost didn't recognize himself. Artfully tousled hair, thick mascara and eyeliner; tight black T-shirt that proclaimed "The Suicide Commandos! Live!", and showed every play of muscle clearly; even tighter leather pants showing off everything he was born with. Xander started panicking.

"I can't go out like this! I look like a raccoon! A slutty raccoon! These pants are obscene! God help me if I need to bend over or something."

Spike was having none of it. "You look gorgeous and completely fuckable, and there won't be a single being there that won't envy me for having such a hottie for a lover."

"I'm not a – really??" Xander looked at him in surprise.

"Really. But they'll just have to go home disappointed because you're mine, and I don't share." As Spike kissed him again and dragged him away from the mirror, Xander knew he'd just lost the argument.


When they first arrived at the concert, Spike had been dismayed at the crowd of - quote - "geriatric bloody punks reliving their glory days." Xander tactfully didn't point out that it was the first time he'd ever seen Spike wearing his Sex Pistols shirt and safety pins everywhere. The pin piercing Spike's eyebrow was attracting fascinated stares.

But then the warmup band ended their set and the headliners came on, and Spike's mood perked up immensely. He declared that the band "were still the shit, by Christ." Xander had to admit, they were skilled musicians who played with the tight sound that only comes with twenty years of touring on the road together. After ten more minutes of hyper-Spike bouncing to the hard fast music, Xander convinced him to go on and brave the mosh pit without him.

After another twenty minutes or so of sitting at the bar across from the stage and watching Spike pogo around the dance floor like a leaping porpoise in a stormy sea, Xander suddenly felt like he was being watched. Turning, he met the amused gaze of a curvaceous Goth girl in a black lacy dress that showed both her cleavage and her tattoos to impressive advantage. He smiled politely, and she smiled back and winked at him. He quickly turned his gaze back to the dance floor just as Spike bounded his way over and crushed him in a sweaty, giddy embrace. The vampire's tongue thrust possessively while he ground up against him, then Spike turned and hissed loudly at the girl who'd been flirting with Xander, flashing fangs in her face. To Xander's surprise, her eyes flashed yellow in response and she scurried off quicker then anyone in heels that high should be able to.

"Fucking demon magnet, you are. Can't turn my back for a bleedin' minute." Spike grabbed the glass out of Xander's hand and downed the contents with a flinch. "Urgh! Call that beer? More like piss-water." Spike was vibrating with energy, his feet barely touching the ground. He leaned in and nuzzled Xander's neck in a near-headbutt, sniffing deeply, then pulled him up off his barstool. "C'mon, I ran into a couple of old friends I want you to meet."


After the final encore and a round of Jagermeister, they all migrated from the Hard Rock to the walk-in cooler of a very chic and exclusive Russian restaurant called Red Square. The waiter handed out full-length sable wraps to the party of four, they seated themselves at the ice-covered bar and perused the vodka and caviar menus. Xander balked at eating caviar, but thought the house drink - a mix of vodka, dark rum, cane syrup and lime juice called a "Cuban Missile Crisis" - was very tasty indeed.

Fyodor and Svetlana were Danish and vaguely Elvish. With ice-blond hair, sharp high cheekbones, whipcord thin and dressed in full-length black leather overcoats, they both looked like they could have been relations of Spike's. Or possibly characters from The Matrix. The Danish pair had a wicked sense of humor, and delighted in making Spike's "pet human" laugh. They were also more then able to hold their liquor against a lightweight college kid and a vampire with a hollow leg. Xander could see why they got along so well with Spike.

Between shots of vodka and various dollops of fish eggs and smoked salmon on little crackers, the three took turns enthralling Xander with several of their less gory tales of the "good old days." At one point Svetlana told them an ancient and rather dirty Elven folk tale, making Xander choke painfully on his pepper vodka. That lead to Spike and Fyodor competing to see who could remember the most naughty Victorian Pub Songs. And that got them kicked out of the Russian bar.

The last thing Xander remembered, they'd all watched the volcano erupting outside the Mirage; both couples snuggling as the cheesy effect lit up the night sky. Afterwards, they were all going to some Italian restaurant inside the Rio for what the Danes had promised him was the best Pizza in the whole Southwest. After that, it all got kind of fuzzy.


Xander woke up laying crosswise on the bed, curved against Spike's back in a familiar embrace. As he slowly reached conciousness, he took stock of his condition. His brain throbbed like his skull had shrunk two sizes during the night. His tongue had shag carpeting installed. His crotch was sticky. And when he moved, his chest hurt, like he'd been stung by bees. Turning and sitting up very slowly, he carefully looked himself over for damage.

"...Spike? When exactly did I get my nipples pierced?"

Xander turned and looked over at his comatose lover. And flung himself out of bed with a little shriek.

Spike burrowed deeper into his pillow and groaned. "The hotel better be on fire, Harris."

Xander pointed at Spike, shouting "What in God's name have you done to your hair!?!"

They both winced in pain and clutched their heads. Spike froze, then sat up and began frantically feeling his skull. "What the fuck did I do last night, lose a bet?" he groused, running his fingers over the fuzzy, dark honey-blonde stubble. "Bloody Buggering Christ. This'll take years to grow back."

Part Nineteen

Xander stumbled to the bathroom, craving Aspirin desperately. As he downed the pills, he got a good look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He carefully fingered around the new piercings on his chest, trying hard to remember how he got them.

As he brushed his teeth, he noticed something on the floor. Hair. Clumps of bright blue hair scattered on the floor by one end of the hot tub. They suddenly triggered a few fleeting flashes of memory…


10 Hours Earlier…

"No. Don’t wanna."

"For me, luv." Spike tried his best to look earnest.

"No! I may be drunk, but I'm not that drunk."

"Just try it once, and if you don't like it, we can stop."

"Not a chance in hell."

Spike ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "For Christsakes, pet - after all I've done for you, you won't do this one tiny little thing for me?"

"No! …And you can put that big honkin' pout right back where it came from, because I am not getting my nipples, my belly button, or anything else pierced."

"I'll do it if you do. I double-dog dare ya!"

Xander looked indignant. "Spike, earlier tonight I watched you pierce your own eyebrow with a huge-ass safety pin! It's just not the same for you! You’'d have to come up with something that's as big a deal to you as multiple piercings are to me."

Xander watched as Spike unconsciously ran his hand through his spiked-up hair, making sure it still stood up properly. It was the fifth time he'd done it since they’'d entered the hair salon/tattoo/piercing parlor five minutes earlier. It gave Xander an inspiration. "Now if you were willing to, oh, say… Dye your hair bright blue, now that would be almost on the same scale as me piercing my nipples."

Xander expected a sputtering, indignant denial. To his astonishment, the vampire nodded his head decisively. "Done and done." Spike turned to their piercing artist, Sheila, and handed her Xander's digital camera from his pocket. "Get us a "before" pic, would you luv?" Spike wrapped his arms around his flabbergasted lover, practically climbing into Xander's lap and smiling into the camera.

"No-no-no! I haven't agreed to anything!" Xander was caught in the camera flash like a frightened gopher.

Sheila tutted at him. "But you're going to give in eventually, aren't you dear? If the charming devil's only going to wear you down and get his own way anyway, why bother fightin' it?"

After taking another shot, Sheila handed the camera back to Spike and looked over Xander like a predator sizing up its prey. "Now, Maggie here will give your friend a first class dye job. You -" Sheila crooked her finger at Xander. "Follow me." She marched off, not glancing back to see if he followed. With her black bustier, thigh-high leather boots and imperious manner, all she was missing was a big whip and the picture would be complete.

"But –"

"I wouldn’t argue with her if I were you, luv; she sounds like she means business. You don't want to get on her bad side."

Maggie manhandled Spike into her salon chair. "He's right. They don't call her The Scaredresser for nothing, ya know."

Xander quickly ran to catch up with "The Scaredresser."


The next morning…

One quick, cold shower later, Xander emerged and settled into an overstuffed armchair. Spike had gone back to sleep, and was snoring away quietly. Xander fiddled with his digital camera, hoping for a few more clues to jog his memory.

He powered up the LCD screen and started going through the photos they'd taken. First, photos of each of them all punked out; followed by a couple of shots that Spike had snuck of the band rocking out onstage. Then several more taken at the Russian bar, with Fyodor and Svetlana looking sleek, chic and highly amused. Then a shot of Fyodor & Svetlana embracing in front of the erupting volcano, followed by one of Spike and himself, too engrossed in kissing each other to notice either the volcano or the camera.

Next were two shots of Spike coiled around a panicked Xander like a sexy Boa Constrictor, followed by a shot of Spike in a salon chair with two dozen or more folded pieces of tin foil in his hair. Then several more shots of Spike with blazing bright blue hair all spiked up again; from the front, side, and back, and one of the vampire snuggling up next to Xander, who was defiantly displaying a pair of little hoops through his nips.

That bastard, Xander thought. He dyed his hair without a squeak of protest, because he fully intended to shave his head afterwards! Did he honestly think he could get away with it? I am so gonna get me some payback for that! First chance I get, I'm going to email those blue-haired photos to Willow and Dawn. And Deadboy too! Just not that last one, with me in it. Heh, heh. That'll teach him.

Then he saw the last few photos saved in the camera's memory, all taken after they'd gotten back to the hotel.

Blue-haired Spike, shirt off, with a cigarette and a beer bottle in his hand and a lecherous look on his face.

Spike completely naked, stretched out on his stomach on the bed, gazing at the camera with an even more lecherous leer on his face.

Xander, lounging naked in the Jacuzzi, his own "come hither" look in his eyes and one hand lazily stroking the erection rising up out of the water.

Spike in a much closer shot, kneeling down in the water; his riotous blue hair framed by Xander's splayed thighs, an amused twinkle in his upturned eyes and Xander's dick in his mouth.

A downward shot of two slightly blurred hands, one pale and one tanned brown, wrapped together around a pair of stiff cocks. A single line of come had been captured in mid-air, shooting upwards.

Spike lying back in the tub with his eyes closed and a languid look of total satisfaction on his face, the very picture of boneless contentment.

Spike, still asleep in the tub, with half his head blue and the other half shaved down to a thin layer of dark honey-blond fuzz. Xander's naked and insanely giggling reflection stood in the mirrored wall behind the jacuzzi, one hand holding the camera up to his eye and the other holding a four-in-one hair and beard trimmer…

The End

Never Trust a Man Whose Eyebrows Meet in the Middle

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