Part Thirty-One

[info]crazydiamondsue deserves so much credit for this! I was at a standstill, not able to get any words out when I set up the scene and asked if she'd help write it. She took it over and what she came up with was absolutely amazing! The dancing... all hers! Please tell her how good she is and pet her until she purrs!

Fully dressed, Spike and Xander allowed a few more minutes to finish off another joint between them before returning to Buffy and Willow. They could barely stop touching, copping feels and stealing kisses as they walked the path from the limousine to the club. Trying to act as casual as possible under the circumstances, they idled up to the table and each took their place in the booth.

“Where have you been?! You’ve been gone for… like an hour!” Buffy complained, staring down at the non-existent watch on her wrist.

“Sorry. We were just…”

“I know what you were doing,” she interrupted as she began glowering back and forth between the two men with her arms crossed in dismay.

Xander and Spike tossed glances at each other and then back to Buffy.

“And you were doing it without us!”

Spike’s brow rose.

“It’s not nice not to share!”

Finally realizing Buffy was talking about the pot and not the fact that he’d just fucked Xander two ways from Sunday , Spike nodded. “Went to the loo to see what was taking Xander so long. Found ‘im outside instead.” He smiled at the other man, purposely eyeing him up and down. “Couldn’t resist.”

Xander smiled back at the secret between them.

“No fair,” Buffy pouted.

Spike snickered and stood up. “I’ll make it up to you,” he said, gesturing toward the bar. “Wha’da ya fancy?”

Buffy grinned. “Champagne. Rich people always drink champagne.”

“Alright then.”

Xander watched as Spike turned and strutted through the crowd, not realizing he was staring until Willow’s voice caught his attention. “God, Xander. You’re really out of it. How much did you and Spike smoke?”

Xander smiled and shrugged. “Spike’s really great, isn’t he?”

“Uh, yeah. He’s a nice guy…”

Willow and Buffy exchanged a confused look.

“You know what I like? I like it when he calls me pet.”

“Uh, Xander? Are you okay?”

“Especially when he…”

Willow cut him off. “Xander.”

“Hmm?” he asked distantly.

“Snap out of it.” Buffy snapped her fingers in front of his eyes, trying to focus his attention on her. “No more weed for you. You’re wiggin’ me out here.”

“The best bottle of champagne in the house.” Spike interrupted, putting the bottle on the table along with three glasses while being completely oblivious to the conversation. “Though it could be piss for all I know. Not really my style,” he added, holding up the bottle of beer in his hand.

Xander watched while Spike brought the bottle to his lips and began gulping the beer. “Yeah, that’s definitely more your style,” he chuckled, biting his bottom lip between his teeth.

Spike gave Xander a wide-eyed stare, the sheer bluntness catching him off guard.

“Don’t mind him, Spike. I think he’s a little past happy land,” Buffy said, pouring the champagne into the glasses and passing them out. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was ogling your ass when you walked away.”

Spike coughed and almost choked on his beer.

“Hey, sitting right here,” Xander complained, tipping the glass to his lips. “And I was not ogling Spike’s ass…” He realized and tried to go for the cover, shifting his eyes and stuttering out “I was… watching the two girls lip-locked on the dance floor.”

Buffy and Willow both turned their heads to catch a glimpse of the women in question.

“Definitely not the same,” Willow smiled. “Now if those guys I saw earlier want to put on a show… that I’d watch!”

“Okay, Will. We get it. Into the whole guy-guy thing.” Buffy took another large drink. “And you’re my best friend! Why again didn’t I know this about you?”

Spike spoke up, intrigued by the conversation. “I bet Red here has a lot of hidden secrets, eh, luv? Some kinks unsuitable for even a best friend to know?”

Willow blushed and giggled. “Nothing I’d tell you about.”

“That so,” Spike challenged, playfully urging more.

“Unless of course, some kind of trade could be worked out.”

All eyes focused on Willow who was staring heatedly at Spike.

Spike rubbed his hands together and curled his tongue provocatively. “Now we get down to the crux of it. Name your price, luv.”

Willow’s expression turned evil, her lips edging into a wicked grin. She glanced back and forth between the two men and smiled. “You and Xander… on the dance floor.”

“Do what?!” Buffy interrupted.

The wicked grin widened when she realized Spike seemed half interested. “I wanna see hot, raunchy, can’t keep your hands off each other man-smut. I want everyone in this place to believe you want each other.”

“Oh, my god! Willow!”

Spike grinned back, catching Xander’s eye, shushing Buffy. “You’re on.”

Xander smiled and nodded, already halfway out of the booth. “Oh, yeah.”

Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re actually gonna do this?!”

Spike stood up, reaching for Xander’s hand, leading him to the dance floor and turning back around to answer Buffy. “I never turn down a good challenge.”

“She wants a show, we’ll give ‘er a show.” Spike grinned, wrapping his arms around Xander’s waist to pull him in closer. “Let’s make it good, pet.”

“Mmm. Me and you, a little bump and grind? That I can deal with.” Facing each other with his hands on his partner’s hips, Xander began moving his body left and right, making sure he rubbed against Spike with each pass. “But you know, after this we might be taking another trip out to the limo.”

Spike smiled and then gasped when Xander’s lips nuzzled against his ear. “Or I could get you off right here on the dance floor.” He slid his hands further around, gripping Spike through his jeans, allowing his thumbs to run along the edges of the back pockets. “Get you hard?” Another slide of his hips and Xander felt the evidence of what he was doing to Spike. Breathing softer, he whispered, “Make you come.”

He grinned and quickly pulled away, spinning around with his back against Spike’s front. He began to move, working his hips in a slow, steady grind, rubbing his ass firmly against Spike’s growing erection. He felt arms snake around and grab his hips, squeezing tight as Spike began to grind back.

Xander let his head fall backward and tilted, his eyes closing as his lips brushed Spike’s neck. “Are they watching?” he asked, smiling as he felt the shiver that went through Spike’s body at the flutter of breath against his skin.

“Dunno, luv,” Spike answered, his hand sliding up Xander’s hip, fingers just brushing the buttons of his fly before they slipped higher, sliding beneath Xander’s shirt. “Don’t see anything but you.”

Xander concentrated on the feel of Spike’s hand sliding against his skin, one finger dipping into the waist of his jeans as the thumb softly stroked the line of hair above it. He was dimly aware that the music throbbing around them had quieted to a smooth mellow beat and he eased into it, arching back and letting his ass drag down the length of Spike’s erection.

Spike buried his face against the curve of Xander’s neck, smothering a groan in the soft hair there and breathed in the warm male scent beneath the pot and cologne. His hand clenched on Xander’s hip as they ground together tighter, hotter.

What had seemed like an excellent opportunity to keep Buffy and Xander separated, and maybe teach Willow to be careful what she wished for, was quickly becoming an exercise in frustration. Each time Xander ground back against him, Spike could feel the heat of his body through their jeans and all he wanted to do was drag him off the dance floor, back to the limo and bury himself inside that heat again.

The music thumped around them, thick with bass. Sexual. Blatant. Spike looked down into Xander’s face, the cheeks flushed, eyes heavy-lidded, lips parted slightly. As he watched, Xander’s eyes narrowed further, his smile widening, becoming predatory.

The slow, teasing grind against him slowed to a stop as Xander turned to face him, his hands lightly skimming Spike’s thighs, over his hips, pausing at and then ignoring the straining fly to slide beneath soft fabric of Spike’s sweater. Hands hot and demanding scraped the clenched muscles of Spike’s stomach, closing around his chest, the thumbs dragging across his nipples.

Xander’s hips kept the rhythm as he eased them against each other, denim rasping against denim with a sound obscenely loud to Spike even over the insistent pounding of the music. Xander drove against him again and again, grinding their erections together as his fingernails raked Spike’s nipples, pleasurepain so intense that Spike’s hands trembled against Xander’s back, pulling him closer and just holding on.

“Got you hard.” Xander’s breath teased against Spike’s lips, his smile wicked, inhibitions lost. “Can feel you’re close…so close, because I…ah,” Xander hissed as Spike’s hands slid down his back, closing around his hips and rubbing them together harder, the friction spiraling beyond what either of them could call a game anymore.

“Yeah?” Spike smiled, tongue snaking out, the silver bead clicking against his teeth as he licked his lips. “What’re you feeling now, luv?”

Xander swallowed, his head falling forward, his lips just grazing the side of Spike’s mouth, drawn to the wet, the heat that beckoned him there. Their chests shuddered together, breath mingling as their eyes met.

Spike’s hand raked up Xander’s back, his fingers finding the curve of a warm neck, tangling in damp curls, his eyes closing, and then the music burst over them, becoming sharp, industrial and harsh. A hard shoulder bumped them, couples brushing past them as the song ended and the floor emptied, leaving them pressed against each other, chests heaving, their eyes locked, their lips a breath apart.

The moment was over and Xander became vaguely aware that they were the center of attention, standing alone on the dance floor. In a blatant move geared toward both shocking the girls and also an excuse to fulfill what his mind kept whispering over and over to do, he let his lips brush against Spike’s. Gentle at first, soft and unsure until Spike opened to him, welcoming a deeper, more desperate attempt for entrance. His tongue slid slowly inside, brushing against the metal, circling and owning Spike’s mouth, forgetting everything and everyone around them. There was nothing but the feel of being wrapped around soft, wet silkiness as the rest of his body ached and throbbed, needing and wanting what was standing in front of him.

Spike was the first to finally pull away, his mouth open, face flushed pink and pretty, staring straight at Xander’s own swollen lips. He swallowed and slowly let the rest of the room come into focus. Clearing his throat in an attempt to bring Xander out of his lust-induced haze, he slid his fingers through Xander’s empty belt loops and pulled him closer. “That dance held sinful promises, pet,” he murmured, rubbing his lips softly against the fine hairs of Xander’s cheek. “I expect you to make good on every single one of them.” He allowed one more rub of his fingers against Xander’s ass and walked away, leaving Xander alone on the dance floor.

His attempt at seducing Spike gone awry, Xander inhaled a deep breath and shifted slightly, trying to walk casually back to the table. By the time he slid into the booth, Buffy had Spike’s hand and was dragging him onto the floor amidst a string of protests.

“Buffy says she can do better,” Willow explained with a roll of her eyes after seeing Xander’s confused expression. “But god, I don’t think anything can be hotter than that!”

He turned his eyes toward the dance floor and watched Buffy as she mimicked what she’d just seen, aware that Spike seemed to be a little less than interested. Xander smiled and placed his hand in his lap, discretely rubbing his palm against his cock, still hard and swollen.

“I know she’s my friend but Buffy just pisses me off sometimes.”

His attention shifted to Willow and his bottle of beer still sitting on the table. “Why’s that?” he asked, taking a sip.

She nodded toward the couple on the floor. “Oh, she just has this thing about being the center of attention, especially when it comes to Spike. Even knowing it was an act, she actually got jealous when she saw the two of you out there!”

Xander’s stomach did a flip-flop at the thought that he’d made Buffy feel the slightest bit of what he’d been experiencing. Jealousy seemed a much nicer animal now that he was the one on the other side of things.

“Did you hear about last night?”

“Yeah. Spike told me this morning. Looks like she took things okay, though. Doesn’t look too heartbroken.”

“Heartbroken? What’s to be heartbroken about? He was trying to break up with her and somehow ended up in her bed. I’d hardly think she has a reason to be upset.”

Xander did a double take. “Hmm?”

“Yeah. Any break up that ends in fucking can’t be all bad.”

If the fact that the bottle hit the table with a heavy thud didn’t clue her in to his sudden mood change, the look on Xander’s face was enough to send a wave of chills down her spine. “Xander?”

His teeth ground together as he forced his gaze to the dance floor.

“Okay, what did I say?”

He was afraid of hearing any more and stood up from the booth. “Nothing. I just… need another drink.”

“Xander. What’s wrong? You’re acting like…” She stopped and took on a different expression. One of understanding, as if discovering something new. “Oh my god. You’re acting like you’re jealous!”

He didn’t say anything, just frowned and grabbed his empty bottle, gripping it tightly between his fingers.

“Jesus, Xander! You are!” She covered her mouth as she gasped. “You’re kidding, right?! I didn’t even think…the whole scene, out on the dance floor? It was an act, wasn’t it?” She said it as a question but didn’t expect an answer. She knew she had her answer by the look in Xander’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. If I’d known, I never would have said anything about…”

He shook his head in warning, not wanting to hear it again. He knew anything that involved Spike and Buffy in the same sentence was guaranteed to end badly. “Not your fault.”

“I’m just… sorry. I know what it feels like to want someone even when you know there’s no way he’s ever gonna feel the same way.” She shook her head in sympathy. “Geez, but Spike? You sure know how to pick ‘em.”

Xander shoved his way to the bar before she had a chance to say anything else.

Part Thirty-Two

Xander turned his head to glare at Spike and Buffy and then went back to stacking his empty shot glasses along the bar. He felt that drowning his sorrow was the best option, rather than dragging Spike off the floor, demanding an answer he might not want to hear. He resisted the urge and tipped another shot, letting the burn of the tequila take the place of the argument in his mind. Willow couldn’t be right. Spike wouldn’t have slept with Buffy. Xander tried to remember exactly what happened when Spike arrived home the night before. He’d been so overwhelmed with the discovery of Ethan’s sick fascination to really pay attention to detail when Spike showed up. He’d questioned him about the break-up, only letting it go when Spike suggested they talk about it later. They’d gone inside and headed upstairs where Spike broke away from the kiss, claiming he needed to take a shower.

Xander downed another shot. Of course Spike needed a shower. Because he’d fucked Buffy. He let out an agitated sigh and turned back around, leaning his back against the bar. His eyes narrowed, watching as the couple on the floor heated up, mirroring the movements of his earlier dance with Spike. Their hands caressed and wandered, his on Buffy’s ass while hers ran the length of his back, pressing and gyrating against each other too close for Xander’s comfort. When Buffy reached up and pulled Spike’s lips into a kiss, Xander was off the bar and heading toward the floor, eyes dark and jealous, prepared to take on the world if need be or anything else that tried to stand in his way.

With his speech slightly slurred from an overabundance of tequila, along with the rest of the night’s pleasures, he gripped Spike’s shoulder from behind and tugged. “We need to talk,” he spit out harshly.

Spike turned his head to face Xander and pulled away from Buffy.

“Excuse me, but we’re a little busy here,” she answered, trying to drag Spike’s full attention back to her.

All of a sudden, it was like Xander's world was shifting and all he could think about was trying to get Spike away from Buffy. Trying hard not to make too much of a scene, he spit out, “Uh, was I talking to you?” His eyes shifted away from her and back to Spike. “I said; we need to talk. Now.”

She moved in, rubbing against Spike and locked her arm through his. “Hello, rude much? What crawled up your ass all of a sudden?!”

“I said I want to talk to Spike. I don’t remember asking your permission.”

“What the fuck did I do to you?”

Xander’s eyes narrowed. “Want the short or long version? Either way, you come out the bitch.”

“Fuck you, Xander!”

Xander stepped in to counter until Spike stopped him, again pulling away from Buffy. “C’mon, Xan. We’ll talk, just calm down, alright?”

Buffy crossed her arms and began to fume. “Fine. Take his side. I don't need this shit.”

“Buffy,” he answered sternly.

She shook her head and stormed off, disappearing into the crowd. Spike motioned for Xander to follow and eased his way through the swarm of people until they reached a far, mostly deserted corner of the room where they were away from wandering eyes. He backed Xander against the wall, pushing their bodies tightly together. “Hell of a way to get me alone, pet.” His arms raked down Xander’s, stopping to rest on the other man’s hips.

Xander’s head was swimming, he wasn't sure if it was the drugs or the affect that Spike had on him. His whole universe seemed to melt away when Spike's lips began sliding up the curve of his neck, his tongue pressing against the most sensitive part of his ear, making his entire body shiver with need. What was he supposed to be saying? He couldn’t remember, especially when Spike was whispering and doing those things to him. Xander vaguely recalled being jealous, but now, with Spike next to him, whispering words of want and need, he wasn’t sure whether to be angry or not.


Spike opened his eyes and saw the pain in Xander’s. He tilted his head, studying him. “What's wrong, luv?"

Xander leaned closer, urging Spike’s body to push harder, trying to lose himself in another kiss. When they broke away for breath, he found himself staring into the blue eyes, trying to figure out exactly what was there. Lust? Love? Anything but deception.

“I’m not gonna share you.”

Spike cocked an eyebrow and pulled back slightly.

“You made a choice and you made me want you, made me think I could have you. You don’t get to just take that back.”

Spike closed the distance between them, leaning his forehead against Xander’s as his hands reached around, cupping the back of his neck. “What’s this about, Xan? You know I want you.”

Xander shrugged. “Do I?”

“Look, if you’re talking about me and Buffy, what you saw… it was nothing. Just a dance.”

Xander’s lips curled into a frown. “Was last night just a dance too?”

When he saw the betrayal in Spike’s eyes and didn’t receive an answer, Xander knew it was true. “Don’t say anything, Spike. I don’t think I’d want to hear it anyway. Just tell me something, and be honest.” He watched as Spike’s pleading eyes found his and then asked, “Am I wasting my time on you?”

Spike shook his head, taking a deep breath. “No, you’re not.” He dropped his head to keep Xander from seeing him try to fight back the tears and whispered, “God, Xan. I’m so sorry. I never meant…” He stopped, trying to keep his composure. “Don’t leave me.”

Hearing the sincerity in Spike’s voice, Xander bit back his anger, trying to decide if what he was hearing was real. Grabbing Spike’s chin so he could look at him, he saw the tears and nodded. “If it ever happens again, I’m gone…”

“It won’t, luv. I promise.”

“I don’t want to know why you did it and I don’t want you to make promises you can’t keep. I just need to know if this is what you want. If I’m still the one you want.”

Spike pulled Xander closer and kissed him hard, leaving him gasping for air. “Never wanted anyone more.”

Xander moaned, feeling the emotion Spike was putting into the kiss and began to grind against him. “Fuck, Spike. I wouldn’t care so much if you didn’t drive me so crazy.” He pushed harder against Spike’s hip, letting him feel the effect of their kisses. “Show me how much you want me.”

Easing Xander’s lips away, he sighed, “More than happy to, luv. But you’re about dead on your feet. Had a bit too much tonight, don’t you think?”

Xander licked his lips and nuzzled into Spike’s neck. “Please, Spike.”

Spike glanced around the room, the need in Xander’s voice giving him no choice. “Can’t very well give it to you here.”

“I don’t care. I just need you,” he answered, pulling at the buckle of Spike’s belt.

“Bloody hell, pet.” He eased Xander’s hands away, gripping one in his own and dragged Xander behind him. “C’mon, we're not putting on a floor show, I’m the only one who gets to see that hot ass of yours," he said, giving Xander his sexiest smile.

He led them down the hall to a door marked ‘restroom’ and slowly pushed, testing it for occupants. The door swung open and he urged Xander inside, following closely behind to lock the bolt. “Not very romantic, but this’ll have to do.”

Before he could turn around, Spike had Xander pushed against the door, his body cradled against his back, pulling his shirt from his jeans to reveal the firm stomach muscles flexed in surprise. Spike’s hands slid around and began working Xander’s belt until it was hanging free and then pulled at the buttons, spreading the denim material all in a matter of seconds. Spike’s fingers pushed inside, easing the jeans down until they were bunched around Xander’s knees, baring his naked ass. His arms traveled upward, gripping Xander’s wrists, spreading them above him against the door. “Is this what you want, Xan?” His lips rested against Xander’s ear, teasing breaths down his neck as he pushed against him, letting Xander feel how hard he was for him. “You want me to fuck you?”

Xander moaned and nodded as Spike lifted his shirt over his head, letting it land on the floor beside them. Spike let his fingers travel down the length of Xander’s arms and kissed a path down his spine, feeling goose bumps scattered across his skin. Xander’s back arched when the warm lips reached the curve of his lower back. On his knees, Spike spread the flesh between his fingers and slid his tongue down the cleft of Xander’s ass and then continued further to probe the puckered hole.

Xander’s fingers clenched while he worked hard to keep his hands above him, right where Spike had left them. “Christ, Spike.”

Spike’s tongue dipped deeper, thrusting and wriggling inside, working Xander up enough to have him begging to be fucked. He let go with one hand and slid it between Xander’s legs, firmly wrapping his fingers around his hardening cock. When Xander began to thrust back, fucking himself on Spike’s tongue, Spike felt his own erection throbbing, begging for attention. Easing his jeans down, he gripped his cock, stroking as he slicked it. He slowly eased his tongue out, and worked his way back up, opening his jeans with urgency. “You’re all I need,” he murmured into Xander’s ear. “All I want.” The whisper trailed off as Spike reached out to squirt a handful of lotion into his palm, silently thanking whoever had left the bottle lying on the counter.

Still leaning firmly against the door, Xander turned his head to the side to meet Spike’s lips. Feeling the tip of the slick cock pushing against him, he closed his eyes and held his breath as he was entered. Exhaling deeply, he groaned and pushed back. “Ahh, fuck me.”

“Oh yeah, pet. Gonna fuck you good and hard.” He gripped Xander’s hips and began pumping in long, slow thrusts.

“God, Spike. Just,” he couldn’t hold back a low, sultry moan, “don't stop.”

Buried deep inside, Spike eased Xander away from the door and leaned him over the counter, quickening his pace, pounding into him in a steady rhythm. Spike managed to ignore the sound when someone began banging on the door until it grew persistently louder.

“Sod off!”

He heard mumbled curses from outside, but blocked them out, concentrating only on the body in front of him. His fingers gripped firmly against Xander’s hips, using the leverage to push deep and hard, bringing their bodies flush against each other as he pumped into his ass. As Spike began to fuck harder, he squeezed, leaving red finger marks on Xander's skin.

“Fuck, Xan. There's nothing like being inside you. Gonna come so hard…”

Xander reached down and began stroking his own cock, letting the motion of Spike’s body set the pace. He circled the tip and squeezed, fucking his hand in short, fast jerks, quickly bringing himself off with a breathless cry of Spike’s name.

As he listened to the sound of Xander’s orgasm, Spike thrust one final time and shot, coming deep inside Xander’s ass.

Before he caught his breath, before Spike had even pulled out, Xander was struggling, batting at him to move, making it to the toilet just before he emptied the contents of his stomach. With the shake of his head, Spike was beside him, handing him a wet paper towel to wipe his mouth.

“Not exactly the finish I was going for, luv,” he chuckled.

Xander answered with a groan. “I don’t feel so good.”

“Not surprised, pet. You’re damn well pissed. Should’ve known better than to shag you when you’re like this.”

“Just need everything to stop spinning… lay down for a while. I’ll be good to go.” Xander leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

“C’mon, Xan,” Spike said, buckling his belt and then grabbing Xander’s hand to pull him up. “Let’s get you outta here. Home to your cozy bed, yeah?”

With a lot of effort, Spike managed to stand him up and make Xander presentable, finally opening the door, ignoring the gestures and curses from the line of people waiting for the bathroom. He held Xander steady, gripping him at the elbow until they reached the edge of the dance floor.

“I’m really not up to this, Spike. Don’t think I could handle another round with her. I’ll just meet you back at the limo, okay?”

With a concerned look, Spike answered, “Sure you’ll be alright on your own?”

Xander pointed to the door. “Fifty steps, that direction, I think I’ll be okay.”

Spike nodded and watched as Xander staggered toward the exit, waiting until he was outside before heading toward the table where the girls were.

“Gotta go, ladies.”

“I’m not ready to go yet,” Buffy complained.

“Xander’s a bit under the weather. Think we should get him home, and soon.”

“Seemed fine to me a little while ago when he was biting my head off.”

“Well he’s not fine now.”

“Well then,” she turned toward Willow with a devious grin, “why don’t you go so you can spend a little time together, and the limo can come back for me and Spike later.”

Spike stepped in. “I’m a bit knackered myself, Buffy. Besides, I doubt Willow’d be able to get him out of the limo, much less into the house by herself.”

“Fine, suit yourself," she answered dissapointedly. "We’ll stay and have a good time without you guys. That’s okay with you, right Will?”

Willow shrugged. “Guess so,” she answered, giving a sideways glance in Spike’s direction.

“Alright. Be careful then and I’ll send the driver back after he drops us off.”


Spike opened the limousine door and found Xander passed out, stretched across the seat. Careful not to wake him, he slid inside and gently raised his head, placing it in his lap. He motioned to the driver and leaned back against the seat, closing his eyes to rest until they made it home.


“Wake up, Xander. Gotta get to bed, luv.”

Xander shifted slightly and mumbled, “Comfortable. Don’t wanna move.”

Spike nudged him, trying to sit him up without jarring him too much. “Won’t take but a few minutes.”

Xander groaned and sat up slowly, one eye opening to glance around. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Weren’t ready to go. Left ‘em back at the club,” he answered, stepping out of the limo, reaching his hand back in to help Xander.

With his arm wrapped tightly around him, Spike led the way into the house and up the stairs, heading directly to the guestroom. Xander fell back onto the bed and tried to curl up against the pillow, but Spike pulled him back, gripping his shirt to pull it over his head.

“Just gonna undress you, luv. You’ll sleep better that way.”

Xander forced a smile. “Bet you say that to all the guys.”

Spike smiled back as he lifted Xander’s feet, removing his shoes and socks. “Not all guys. Just you. Lift up so we can get these jeans off.”

“And they say romance is dead.”

“No, romance is you tossing your cookies with your pants around your ankles and your bare ass hangin’ out.”

“Thanks for the picture, Spike.” He shook his head. “Have some sympathy for the drunk guy, would you?”

Still laughing to himself, Spike managed to strip him down and get him into a pair of boxers before letting him slide under the covers. He bent down, kissing him softly before pulling away. “Merry Christmas.”

Xander shifted and snuggled into the blankets. “Where are you going?” he asked, already halfway asleep.

“To my room. Buffy and Willow are gonna stay here tonight. Don’t want them to…”

Xander opened his eyes. “To what? Know we’re together? I don’t see why that matters anymore.”

“It doesn’t, really. Just not the best way for them to find out, yeah?”

Xander shrugged and closed his eyes. “Guess not. We’ll tell them though, right? Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, pet. Tomorrow.”

Xander nodded and rolled over. “Night, Spike. I love you.”

“Love you too, Xander. Now get some sleep.”


Xander threw back the blankets and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The sun was up just enough to allow him some light without having to flip the switch, so he padded in the near dark, still groggy and half drunk into the bathroom. Lifting the toilet seat, he leaned his hand against the wall and began to pee… until he heard the noise from the next room.


Buffy slid into the bed, easing her way against Spike and wrapped her arm around his waist. He shifted and placed his hand over hers, rolling onto his back. She moved closer, nuzzling against his neck, placing soft kisses against his skin as her hand traveled down under the blankets. She wrapped her fingers around his cock, began to stroke and smiled when he thrust forward into her hand.

When he was hard enough, Buffy pulled back the sheet and lifted up to straddle his legs. She lined him up and sank down in one quick movement. Spike moaned and gripped her hips, bucking upward into her body.


Xander remained still, trying to listen, trying to hear what was happening in the other room. When he heard the sound of Spike’s voice in a muffled moan, he quickly finished and stepped toward the door. Opening it slowly, he peaked inside.

“That’s it, pet. Ride me. Fuck, you feel so good.”

Part Thirty-Three

Xander pushed the door open, leaving the sound to echo through the bathroom as it hit the wall.

“You fucking son of a bitch.”

All movement stopped for a moment as two sets of eyes turned toward him. He watched in shock as Buffy struggled off of Spike to dive under the blankets.

“Xander,” Spike rasped. “What the…” his confused gaze shifted from the bathroom door to Buffy and then back again, just in time to see Xander disappear in the other direction.

“Xander, wait!” he called, trying to get up, pulling away as Buffy tried to reach for his arm. “Get off,” he warned as he slid from the bed and grabbed his jeans.

“Spike,” she snapped.

He ignored her, pulled on his pants and continued to follow Xander. By the time he made it to the other room, Xander had a suitcase lying open on the bed, frantically shoving clothes inside.


When he wouldn’t acknowledge him, Spike tried again. “Xan, listen to me.”

Finally, he dropped the handful of clothes he was holding and spun around, directly in front of Spike. “Don’t you fucking say anything.”

“It wasn’t what you think.”

Xander stared incredulously at him before he finally shook his head. “Well then what was it Spike. Because it sure as hell looked like you were fucking Buffy!” he screamed. “You’re one selfish bastard, you know that?! Screwing with people’s heads.”

“I didn’t know it was her,” Spike blurted out before Xander could say anything else.

“Screw you,” came the sarcastic reply.

Xander returned to his packing, stepping around Spike to grab a few items off the dresser. When he felt the hand on his shoulder, he shrugged it off harshly. “Don’t touch me, Spike. Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.”

“Xander, I was half asleep. I didn’t even realize… I was dreaming about you and…”

“Shut the fuck up. Dreaming about me while you’re fucking her? Now that’s original! I’m tired of your bullshit, Spike.” He pushed down and began to zip his suitcase, stopping halfway and standing back up. “You know, I was so stupid tonight.” He looked away, not wanting Spike to see the sadness in his eyes. “I let you convince me that it was me you wanted to be with.” He forced the anger back to the surface and looked directly at Spike. “I was really willing to let it go that you fucked her, which by the way, you conveniently forgot to tell me!”

“I do want you. What happened with Buffy was a mistake.”

“No! My believing that you cared was the mistake! You must have had a real good laugh, huh. Look at stupid Xander Harris… got him right where I want him.” He shook his head in humiliation. “I can just imagine what else you’ve lied about.” He grabbed a pair of jeans off the chair beside him and slid them on, followed by his shirt.

Spike watched and then solemnly said, “You’re wrong.”

“What the hell’s going on in here?!”

Both men turned to see Buffy standing in the doorway.

“Nothing,” Xander answered sternly. “I was just leaving.”

“No, you’re not,” Spike argued, turning to Buffy. “Need some privacy here.”

“Oh, let her stay. In fact, it’d be good for her to hear exactly what I have to say to you.”


“I think she’d be real interested in knowing what kind of bastard you are.”

Spike’s eyes gave all the warning Xander needed to fuel his anger. “Or is that still our little secret?” Xander smiled, seeing the other man starting to squirm. “You know, secrets always tend to come back and fuck you in the ass.”

Buffy stepped into the room, planting herself directly between the two men with her attention focused on Xander. “What are you talking about?”

Xander glanced around her. “But that’s what you like, isn’t it Spike? You enjoy being fucked in the ass, don’t you.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she turned to him and tried to interpret what was going on. “Spike?”

“Stay out of this, Buffy.”

“No. I won’t stay out of this.” She crossed her arms and waited. “What’s he talking about?”

“Yeah, Spike. Why don’t you tell her what I’m talking about.”

Spike’s eyes rested on Xander’s, revealing nothing but pure venomous anger.

“Or do you want me to tell her?” Xander asked. “Because I’d love to let her know how we’ve been fucking behind her back.”

The expression on her face was one of shock, and Buffy’s gasp couldn’t have been louder.

“Oops.” Xander smirked at Spike and leaned down to zip the rest of the suitcase. “Guess she knows now, huh?”

“Spike? He’s not serious, is he?”


“No. Tell me it’s not true.”

Spike pushed his hands in the pocket of his jeans and glanced over at Xander again. “I can’t.”

She shook her head and took a deep breath. “This can’t be happening.”

“Oh, it’s happening, Buffy.” Xander interrupted. “Been happening for awhile now.”

“How long, Spike?!” she spat. “How fucking long?!”

“Hey guys, what’s all the fuss about?” Willow asked, walking into the room, oblivious to what was going on.

No one said anything until Xander finally spoke up. “Why don’t you let Spike tell you. But give him some time to come up with a story. He’s real good at that.”

He grabbed the luggage and shoved passed everyone else, leaving the room. He made it down the stairs and into the foyer before Spike managed to catch up to him.

“Xander, stop!”

With his hand still on the doorknob, Xander stood with his back to Spike. “I’m done.”

“Please don’t walk out that door,” Spike pleaded, letting his hand rest on Xander’s shoulder until he saw the flinch and removed it. “Please, Xander.”

“There’s no reason for me to stay.”

“I love you. That’s a reason.”

Xander turned around quickly. “You don’t have the right to say that! You use it when it’s convenient and expect it to mean something. Well, Spike, it doesn’t work that way.”

“This has nothing to do with convenience! I don’t want to lose you, Xander!”

“You’ve done everything you possibly can to push me away. There’s only so much I can take, Spike. You know how much I want you. But right now, I can’t stand the sight of you.”


“No. Don’t make this harder, Spike. Right now, it can go either way and I really don’t want to leave here hating you.” He waited and nodded when Spike didn’t try to argue. “I’m going. I don’t want you to come and I don’t want you to follow me. Just let me leave and give me a chance to decide if all this is really worth it.”

“It is, Xander.”

“When you get back, I’ll either be there or I won’t. Then you’ll have your answer.”

He turned and walked out the door.

“I won’t give up on you, pet! You’re worth fighting for!”

Xander ignored him and pulled his cell phone out to call a cab.


Spike turned, leaning his back against the door to see Buffy standing halfway down the stairs with Willow behind her. Before she could say anything, he pushed off the door and headed into the living room, walking straight over to the bar.

“How long?” Buffy demanded, following him into the room.

He glared at her as he poured a drink and swallowed it down, immediately refilling the glass. “Why’s it matter?” he asked harshly.

“Because I wanna know! You’ve been fucking someone… some guy behind my back! That’s just… sick. And I deserve answers!”

“You don’t want answers. You aren’t going to like what you hear.”

“Tell me!”

He took another swig and slammed the glass onto the bar. “Fine. I’ll let you in on another little secret. I’ve fucked a lot of people, Buffy. More men in the past year than you can probably count! As for Xander, I nailed him the night we met. How’s that for answers? That make you feel better?!”

“Why,” she demanded.

“Do you really need to ask that?”


He paused and stepped up closer to her. “Because you, luv, are the world’s biggest cock tease. I tried. Believe me, I tried so bloody hard until I finally realized.”

“Realized what?”

“That you will never care about anyone more than you care about yourself. It’s always gotta be about you, and I was tired of it.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “I didn’t wanna hurt you, Buffy, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

She stared, her hands clenched into tight fists. “You’re such an asshole.”

“C’mon, Buffy. Let’s just go,” Willow said, walking into the room to grab her arm. “This isn’t doing anyone any good.”

A huge smile curled on Spike’s lips and he laughed. A deep, cold laugh filled with hurt, anger and a million other emotions. “And the thing about it is that I found someone. Someone who can give me just what I need. And because of you, I fucked it up.”

Buffy jerked her arm away from Willow’s grasp. “Don’t you dare try to blame this on me!”

“I don’t blame you, entirely. I was just too bloody stupid to say no.”

Buffy moved closer and eased her hand up to place it against his chest. “Maybe you didn’t want to, Spike. Maybe deep down, you felt guilty and knew you shouldn’t be fucking around with him.”

Spike pushed her hand away and backed up against the bar. “The only thing I felt guilty about, was fucking you.” He picked it up and downed the rest of his Jack Daniels. “Hurting Xander… that was what I shouldn’t have done.”

“How can you say that?! You can’t possibly care about him that way. It’s wrong and you know it.”

He turned to her with a scowl. “What’s wrong?! That I could care about someone else?! Or that it’s someone with a dick?”

She scrunched her nose and replied, “That’s just… God, Spike.”

“Don’t act so high and mighty. I know about some of your skeletons, too. You haven’t been quite honest yourself, have you?”

She stood with her arms crossed, her face full of anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Should I go have a conversation with that bloke… what’s his name. Riley Finn?”

Her demeanor changed instantly as she took a step back.

“Didn’t think I knew about him, did you? You know why I never said anything?”

“There’s nothing going on…”

“Because I didn’t care.”

She looked at him in disbelief, ready to answer back, but he stopped her.

“Go home, Buffy.”

He pushed his way around both women and headed up the stairs.

There was a story I was writing some time ago called 'Discoveries'. Maybe some of you remember it? I left it unfinished after much procrastination and that is where it sat for *GULP* over a year... in limbo. I was contacted by [info]lovemyboyz, telling me it deserved an ending and asked if she could write it. Of course, I said yes.

The last couple of chapters changed a bit to incorporate the new ending, leading it away from the direction I was heading in.

Part Thirty-Four

Xander sat at the airport amongst the holiday travelers, watching and brooding as families arrived and others departed. The only flight available on Christmas day was five hours later and three times more expensive than the ticket price Spike had paid for both their round trip fairs.

He cradled his cell phone in his hands, watching as the ‘message waiting’ light blinked over and over. Six new messages, all from Spike and Xander couldn’t… wouldn’t listen to any of them. If he did, he might just change his mind, and he’d promised himself he wouldn’t give in this time, no matter how much he wanted to. He closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the most uncomfortable chair and tried unsuccessfully not to think of Spike, or Buffy or any combination of the two. The pained look on Spike’s face when he noticed Xander standing in the doorway was forever burned into his memory. If nothing else, he would keep telling himself it was a look of guilt and betrayal, that Spike was a liar and a cheat and that he’d never be worthy of Xander’s trust. If he tried hard enough, he could almost make himself believe it. Too bad his heart was arguing a completely different case.

So he sat, miserable on Christmas, waiting for a flight to take him away from the hurt. Once he was home, back in LA, he was positive he’d be able to think a lot more clearly. He laid back, contemplating where to go from here, listening to the sound of his cell phone, trying to ignore it and failing. He couldn't... wouldn't answer it, but after a few minutes of torturous indecision, he couldn't resist listening to the voicemail message.

“Xander, please, luv. Please don’t do this. I was wrong, I made a mistake but I’ll do whatever it takes. Anything… just don’t give up on us yet. Give me a chance to make it right.” Xander heard the hurt, the tears in the shaky voice, and it was killing him. His hand hovered over the 'send' key, longing to call him back and say ‘Yes, Spike, I forgive you. Please come home to me’. He made it as far as letting his thumb brush against the button, almost pushing it, but he couldn’t, because he didn’t forgive him. Not now, maybe not ever. Avoiding temptation, he quickly tossed the phone aside, ending the message before he could hear the rest of Spike's pleas.

Part Thirty-Five

Xander paced the living room, his bags were packed and he was waiting for his cab. How long do these damn things take? The red light was still flashing on the answer machine. When Xander walked through the door after his hellish trip to New York , his mind half expected Spike to already be there, waiting for him. Instead, Xander found an empty apartment with too many reminders of his lover and an answer machine flashing with thirteen messages. Xander had debated over whether or not to listen to them but like his cell phone earlier, he eventually pressed the play button.

The first message was from Charlie, just to tell Spike to check in with the band when he got home.

The second was from Buffy checking that Spike had left for his flight on time. Xander snorted typical, 3000 miles between us and she’s still bugging me.

The third was from Spike. “Xan…I know you won’t be home yet but I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Just…just wait for me. Wait there please.”

Beep. Deleted.

The fourth, “Xander, are you back yet? Wait there for me.”

Beep. Deleted.

“Xander…pick up…” Beep.

“Don’t go…” Beep.

“I’m on my way…” Beep.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Spike had left message after message, his final call had been to say that he had landed and was on his way from the airport.

Xander was in a panic. He needed the taxi to arrive before Spike got home. He only had to think about the look on Spike’s face as he’d told him that he loved him and his anger began to melt away. He was lying. All that time…he was lying to me. Couldn’t Spike see that saying those words and not meaning them was so much worse than not saying them at all?

Xander didn’t know what to think. He wasn’t blind like some of those women in the soppy films that Spike laughed at him for watching. He knew that Spike had feelings for him and he knew that Spike didn’t want him to leave. Spike was flying from the other side of the country to stop him after all. The problem was that he needed to protect himself, if there was even the slightest chance that Spike wouldn’t be happy in a relationship with him then he couldn’t risk it. Xander couldn’t be hurt like that again. Could Spike hold Xander’s hand in public without being embarrassed? Could he deal with going to bed with the same man every night? Xander couldn’t be sure but he knew that he wouldn’t survive if Spike let him down again. It was just too easy for this guy to break his heart.

A horn sounding outside shook Xander out of his daze, his cab had finally arrived. He sighed. The cab arriving before Spike sealed it in Xander’s mind… it wasn’t meant to be. If Spike had arrived first, then Xander would have undoubtedly heard him out- but as it was, this made it easier.

Checking over the apartment one last time, he left his key on the counter with a short note before walking out, leaving his heart behind.

The cab driver smiled at him, “Where to?”

Xander mustered up all of his strength and managed a smile back.

“Airport, please.” Another plane to help him run away.

This was it… he was really leaving.


Spike cursed himself again, how stupid could he possibly be? Of course Xander hadn’t believed his pathetic excuse, however true it actually was. If it had been the other way around, Spike wouldn’t have believed it either. The problem was, he knew damn well that Xander wouldn’t hurt him like this.

He had broken down after Xander had left. He had heard the front door slam and he let it all out, sobbing out his pain in heartwrenching gasps. He hadn’t even noticed his bedroom door being pushed open.


“What?” he snapped. “Didn’t I tell you to go home?”

“No, you told Buffy to go home. She’s gone to pack. I want to talk to you.”

Spike looked up, his red-rimmed eyes pleading with her. “Willow, I’m begging you not to start on at me about Buffy, it really won’t make a fuckin’ difference.”

Willow sighed, “I’m not here to support Buffy. I’m here to tell you that I can see how much you love Xander. I’ve sat around and watched Buffy treat you like shit for a year now and to be honest, I thought you would have left her long before now. Anyone else would have. Buffy’s my best friend but you’ve made mistakes and if you honestly love Xander and you don’t want to lose him then I suggest you get moving now.”

“You’re backing me up?”

Willow smiled, “I’m not doing this behind Buffy’s back. She knows how I feel about the way she treats you. Spike, you and Xander are my friends too and I’ve seen a difference in you both recently. If this relationship is that difference then whatever you do, don’t screw this up.”

Spike shot up, “I’ve gotta go and find him. Do you think he’s gone home?”

“My guess would be L.A. You’ll just have to hope he hasn’t left before you get there.”


Now here he was, breaking all the laws of the road in order to get back to Xander. He had rushed to the airport to find the flight had already left but luckily there was another in a couple of hours.

He called Xander’s cell phone, but it was switched off so he left a message, praying Xander would listen. He called the apartment and left messages there, too… begging him to stay.


He was speeding through the streets of L.A. and finally pulled up outside his apartment building with a screech. He leapt out of the car and raced up the stairs. Fumbling with his keys, he eventually pushed the door open and froze. Spike knew instantly that Xander wasn’t there but it soon became clear that Xander had been back and left again.

Something on the kitchen counter caught his eye. Xander’s key. No God no…Please don’t have left me…You can’t have left me. With it was a note. Spike fell back and slid down to lean back against the counter as he read what it said.

– Too late –


No…bloody hell no. Spike refused to believe that. He had to catch Xander, the alternative didn’t bear thinking about. He remembered a place Xander had mentioned before deciding to move in with him.

Spike was exhausted and it was pure desperation that sent him charging through the airport. Thanks to Xander’s ridiculous romantic films he knew that he had to buy a ticket before he would be allowed through to the gates.

He looked up and down the departures board, searching for any Florida destination. There were only two choices, Orlando or Miami. Orlando was the first to leave, so Spike raced to the gate. He begged a stewardess to put out an announcement for Xander but when no reply came, he headed for the second gate.

At any other time, Spike would have laughed at himself, but the panic of losing Xander was too great. He reached the gate, gasping for breath and searched the area, eventually spotting a familiar dark head sitting alone, waiting to board.


“Too late.”

Xander jumped and looked up when he heard the voice. Spike.

“You’re too late Xander. You can’t get away from me this easily.”

“Spike, just go home. You’re only making this harder.”

“Good.” The voice was much closer now.

Xander shook his head as Spike crouched down in front of him. It was obvious that he had been crying, his eyes were red rimmed and puffy.

“I’m sorry, Xander. I’m not going to follow the script of one of your films. If I’m making it harder for you to leave me then that is a good thing.”

“I can’t keep doing this, Spike. I keep giving you my love and my trust and you keep throwing it back in my face.”

Spike’s distress was easy to see as he pleaded, “I know Xander and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but I love you and I need you to stay with me.”

“I love you too, you know I do… but I can’t risk you breaking my heart. I need you to let me go.”

With that, Xander leaned forward and kissed Spike softly on the mouth. “Be happy.” He got up and walked away, leaving Spike kneeling on the floor watching him go.


Xander found his seat and collapsed into it. He couldn’t stop the tears and covered his face with his hands.

“Are you OK?”

He looked up and saw a pretty young girl, smiling gently.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry.”

“Wanna talk about it? You know it often helps to share your problems.”

“It’s OK. I don’t think you can really help me with this one.”

“Try me.”

Xander hesitated. It couldn’t hurt to take some of the burden off himself for once, could it?

“…and that leads up to just now, when I left him in the airport.”

“Wow. That’s quite a story.”

“Tell me about it. It would make for interesting reading if it wasn’t my own life.”

“It sounds like you guys really love each other.”

“Yeah I guess so. But if it is love… should it really be this hard?”

“The very best things often have the most difficult obstacles to overcome. Xander, listen to me. To have as much love for someone as I can hear in your voice is something incredibly special. Please don’t let yourself waste it.”

Xander sighed. “I see where you’re coming from, but I really don’t know if I can risk my heart.”

“If you love him and he loves you, then you’ve already broken two hearts by getting on this plane.”

Xander took a deep breath and sighed. “Thanks Anya, I appreciate someone listening.”

Anya smiled and yawned, “I’m gonna get some rest.”

Xander simply nodded, looking pensive.


Ten minutes later the Pilot’s voice sounded, “Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. We are currently flying at 35, 000 feet and we should be landing in Miami on schedule.

Anya nudged his shoulder. “It seems there’s someone trying to get your attention.”

Frowning, Xander looked up as a stewardess came up to him and smiled before nodding to the front of the cabin. Xander followed her gaze and his eyes widened. There stood Spike, his eyes fixed on Xander’s as he walked down the aisle towards him.

Spike stopped in front of him and winked at him, “If it’s romance you’re after then I’ll do my best.” His voice rising slightly, he began, “I love you, from the bottom of my heart. You’re all I want. I need you in my life and if you leave I may well not survive it. I understand that you don’t want a broken heart but Xander, luv… can’t you see that’s what we’re both feeling now anyway? I promise you that I will do my very best to make you happy everyday, if you will just come home with me. So, what do you say, am I worth the risk?”

He looked at Spike in disbelief. He slowly stood up and reached out to his lover, “If you’re not worth the risk, then I’ll never find anyone that is.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, but…” Spike raised an eyebrow and Xander smiled, “…I thought you didn’t do romance!”

Spike shrugged, “What can I say… I guess love changes a guy.”

Xander leaned forward and kissed Spike, feeling everything that Spike felt being poured into the kiss.

“You are my everything.”

Xander simply smiled and kissed him again.


Spike and Xander lay together in post-orgasmic bliss.

When Xander sighed, Spike turned to him. “What’s up, Pet?”

“Nothin’ much. Just thinkin’ how glad I am that you decided to come after me.”

Spike chuckled. “Never was any decision to be made, Xan. Couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

Xander snorted, “I have no idea how this happened but I’m so happy it did.”

Spike smiled and kissed the top of Xander’s head.

“Have to agree there, love,” he whispered.

Sometimes it’s the most unexpected discoveries that mean the most.

The End

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