Part Twenty-One

Author's Note:
Okay guys. You have been warned. This is not light and fluffy. It contains scenes of underage non-con sexual situations. Sorry, but this is where the plot has taken us.

The door opened slowly, allowing a hint of the hall light to taper into the room. He remained still, his eyes closed tightly, faking sleep. Maybe, just maybe it wouldn't happen tonight. He felt the depression of the mattress beside him and he expelled the excess air from his chest. No such luck. He was never spared the humiliation. Not since Ethan had appeared in his room that cold night not long after his twelfth birthday. Since then, the man spent more nights in this room than with his own wife, who was sleeping just down the hall, oblivious to her husband's twisted morals.

A hand ran through his hair, pushing the soft curls from his face and then down his cheekbone to finally rest on his chest. "William."

"Please not tonight," he begged. Too afraid. Too weak.

"But I need you."

His entire body tensed at the voice. The heavy English accent that struck fear so easily into him. He opened his eyes to the man leaning over him, unbuttoning his nightshirt with pretended tenderness. He blinked back the tears as always, to save them for later when he was alone. After.

"Your mother... she's not feeling well. I can't stand to see her like this." Rotten bastard always had to make excuses. Couldn't just admit he was a sick son of a bitch who liked getting off on a twelve year old boy. Hearing Ethan mention his mum made the bile rise in his throat and he had to swallow hard to push it back down.

He felt small circles on his stomach, another hand running the length of his ribs and William forced his eyes closed again. If his mind went somewhere else, somewhere deep inside, it'd be over quick and then he could finally be alone to cry and wish things were the way they used to be. Before Ethan Rayne. Before his father died.

"Will you help me, William? You're always such a good boy. You can make me forget."

William took a deep, shaky breath and sat up, relieved when the hands fell away from his body. Of all things, he couldn't stand the touching, when Ethan pretended that what they were doing was supposed to mean something. It felt like acid on his skin. He'd much rather do what was expected and be left alone. Tonight, he wouldn't be so lucky.

Lips brushed his ear and the hands were back, rubbing and caressing in places no man should touch, this time pulling the string of the sweatpants, loosening them at his waist. Lips were on his nipple, pulling softly, a rough tongue flicking it back and forth.

"Stand up and strip. I want to see you."

Like a mindless machine, William slid his legs to the edge of the bed and stood, turning away from the older man. He discarded the shirt, folding it carefully to place it on the oak dresser beside the bed. Slower still, he pushed his hands inside the waist of his pants and pushed them down his legs, grabbing hold to fold them just as neatly. He'd draw it out as long as he could because he knew what was coming. His lips trembled and he took a deep breath, turning his expression to stone as the boxers joined the rest of his clothes.

"Perfect. Now take me out."

William tensed. He remained still, his hands at his sides.

"Did you hear me?" The voice was harder, more forceful. "Don't you disobey me."

His mind conjured the image of Ethan's cock and he couldn't move. His heart was jumping, the blood rushing through his body at a quickened pace. He listened as Ethan unfastened his belt buckle, loud enough just to make a point. Just do it and get it over with, wank him off and let him leave. But his feet wouldn't move. He was almost hyperventilating.

Then came the first blow across his back. ~Snap~ A second blow to the back of his legs. ~Snap~

"Turn around and look at me." The voice was angry and determined.

William felt the rage, the boiling in the pit of his stomach but he did as he was told. In the end, he always did. Ethan's pants were pulled open, waiting for him.

"Why do you make me hurt you?! Things could be different. It doesn't have to be this way."

William lowered his eyes in defeat, knowing he'd never win. His fingers pushed inside, under the material of the tight briefs until he reached the hard dick inside. Always hard.

"That's it, William. That's a good boy. Now you deserve a reward." The eyes gave away every emotion. This was power... evil.

The blue eyes darkened with fear.

"You get to suck me off."

No! Please no!.

"I'm going to teach you how to give me head. Nice and slow, wrap your lips around the tip and watch the teeth."

William retreated, found that place, disappeared into his mind as he followed the sound of Ethan's voice, going through the motions and putting his lips on another man's dick for the very first time.

Within seconds, Ethan was already leaking pre-come, thrusting into Williams's mouth, panting and howling. William was gagging, trying not to vomit.

"I could fuck your mouth all night, boy. So warm, so soft."

William shook his head vigorously and swirled his tongue around the swollen cock the way Ethan had instructed.

"Feels like you've done this before, boy. Been experimenting behind my back, haven't you?"

William’s eyes went huge in denial.

"Been playing with the boys at school?"

William looked up. "No, sir."

Ethan's hands twisted painfully in the honey brown hair. "If I ever hear of you touching anyone, or letting anyone else touch you in any way, you'll be gone. You understand?"

William let go of the wet cock. "Yes, sir."

"I don't think you do. You belong to me, William. You remember that. You fuck this up and I'll ship you away. Away from here and away from your mum. And I know how much you don't want that."

William closed his eyes. "No, sir."

Ethan nodded. "On the bed."

His head bowed and he assumed the position. He climbed onto the bed, crawling to the top, reaching up to grip the brass head rails.

"That's right. Now spread your legs, just like I taught you."

William bent his head to rest on the cold, metal rail and rose onto his knees, spreading his legs wide. He felt the weight of the body behind him, the firm cock pushing against his ass. Ethan's hand reached around and gripped his flaccid dick.

"One day, you'll be hard for me."

He'd tried so hard to hold the tears back, but now, with Ethan behind him, this man who was supposed to be like a father, taking care and protecting him, he let them go freely to run down his cheeks. He felt the cock between his legs, rubbing against his balls and Ethan's hands were on his hips, leaving bruises where his fingers were digging into the flesh. He closed his thighs, squeezing the hard dick between them just the way Ethan ordered. The older man began to move, thrusting between William's closed legs. William pushed back like a good boy.


Xander was jarred from sleep by the hips gyrating against his groin. He was nestled tightly behind Spike, his cock trapped between their bodies. When Spike's ass rubbed against him harder, he moaned, his dick filling with excitement. His hand gripped the moving hip, squeezing tightly.


"Fuck, yeah. That's it, boy. Feels so good." Ethan moaned deep, placing one of his hands on the back of William's neck, holding his head against the bed. "Can't wait to fuck you for real. Squeeze inside that tight, virgin ass."

William cringed at the words but knew he was safe, at least for now. Ethan had let it slip one time... wouldn't bugger him until he was legal, using the words wrong and immoral. Until then, he'd live with the hand jobs, the blow jobs, the sick and perverted games his stepfather made up, because his mum needed him. He'd never leave her. He'd give Ethan what he wanted and then scrub his body clean until it bled, trying to rid himself of the shame. William bit his lip, silent sobs turning to louder whimpers, the tears streaming heavier down his cheeks as his step-father used his body for his own pleasure.


Spike whimpered, a low humming sound that made Xander's cock twitch. He smiled and lined up with the naked opening, still lubed from their after shower sex.


"Gonna fuck you good, too. Make you scream for me." Ethan pushed against him one more time and then froze, shooting his load sloppily between his son's legs.


Xander pushed in, filling the tight hole of his lover.

Spike screamed. He let out a loud, panicked, chilling sound and then pulled away, grabbing the blankets, tightly wrapping them around his body. He shuffled to the corner of the bed, his legs curled under him, eyes wide but unfocused on anything. He began to rock, holding himself. "No, please no, please no..."

"Oh god… Spike!" Xander saw the tears, heard the insane chanting. He moved closer, reaching out his hand to touch the other man's arm. Spike scrunched further into a ball, hugging the blanket as tight as he could.

"Spike! Look at me!"

"No! Please! No more!"

"Look at me! It's me! Xander! Wake up, Spike!"

Somewhere in his dream, he heard the sound of a voice. A soft, gentle, familiar non-English voice calling him. He blinked, trying to see through the tears clouding his vision. He focused and found the brown, sympathetic eyes, full of care and concern and he let go, a wave of grief washing over him. The damn broke away. For the first time since he left New York, left the memories of his teenage years, he allowed himself to cry. He let Xander's arms wrap around him, over the safety of the blanket and he screamed his frustration, his anger and his fear to the quiet apartment.

"Shh. It's okay. It's over now. I'm here and everything's okay."

Spike's voice softened, the screams turning to soft aching cries as Xander rocked with him.

"Look at me."

No harshness in the voice, Spike turned his eyes to the man beside him.

"See? Just me. Just you and me."

Spike blinked and let out a heavy sigh, relaxing against Xander's hold.

Exhausted, Spike finally fell back to sleep with the sound of Xander's voice quietly soothing him. The brunet listened for signs of nightmares, decided things were alright and rose from the bed. His body was shaking, afraid of what he'd witnessed. Nightmares were nightmares, but this was something different. This was a man in blind panic. He walked to the kitchen, grabbed the first bottle he found under the bar and swallowed deeply. His fingers fidgeted, smoothed his tussled hair, tapped on the counter... anything to keep busy. He couldn't forget the look on Spike's face. It was a look he never wanted to see again. He glanced through the open loft to the bed, staring at the unmoving figure burrowed in the blankets.

After another sip, he gained his composure and returned to Spike. He climbed in under the covers, not sure whether to scoot closer or stay away. When his hand brushed softly against naked flesh, he felt the other body stiffen and flinch, even in sleep, pulling away. Xander sighed and removed himself from the bed. He went into the living room, sat down in the recliner and fell asleep alone.

Part Twenty-Two

Spike stirred and found himself woven tightly in the bed's blankets. He rubbed his eyes and let his arm drop, searching for the body which should have been lying beside him... but wasn't. The night's commotion came storming back and he remembered the dream, the crying, the comfort of having Xander's arms wrapped around him. He panicked when the thought hit him. Xander left. I'm too fucked up for him and he's gone.

Throwing the blankets aside, he jumped from the bed looking for signs, anything to tell him that he was overreacting. The rapid beating of his heart calmed and he let out a breath when he found Xander curled up in a blanket, asleep on the recliner. The relief flooded him, which sent another kind of panic through his body. He was becoming reliant on someone else being there. He cleared those thoughts and kneeled down in front of the sleeping man. He watched him carefully for a moment before his hand reached up to lightly brush against each side of his thighs.


The brunet shifted and Spike's fingers rubbed a little harder.

"Xander, time to wake up, pet."

The heavy lids blinked open and sleepy eyes glanced down at him. Xander stretched and leaned back against the chair.

"What time is it?" he asked, still half asleep.

"Time to start getting ready. We need to leave for the airport in an hour."

The brunet ran his fingers through his hair, groaned his disapproval and then suddenly remembered. His head shot up, taking in Spike's appearance.

"You scared the living shit out of me last night! What the hell was that?!"

Spike looked down, away from the prying eyes.

"Nothing. It was just a dream."

"Just a dream?! You were fucking screaming, Spike! I didn't know what to do!”

"I'm sorry." His hand gestured toward the chair. "But you didn't have to sleep out here by yourself."

Xander sat up, sliding to the edge. "Yeah, I did. You wouldn't let me touch you," he answered sadly.

The blue eyes rose in question.

“After you went back to sleep, I accidentally rubbed against your leg and I thought you were gonna go all hysterical on me again.”

Spike looked up, the sadness showing, revealing just how sorry he really was.

Xander reached over, lifting his chin and looked directly into his eyes. “Just tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”

“It's over. Just drop it.”

“Talking sometimes makes things better.”

“I said there’s nothing to talk about.”

Xander pulled away, torn between feeling angry at Spike for not confiding in him and relief in not having to deal with whatever had set him off.

“Fine. I’m gonna go take a shower.”

He nodded, stood up and moved out of the other man’s way.

Xander padded across to the bathroom and turned on the water, holding his hand under the faucet, waiting for it to heat up. Spike idled up behind him, wrapping his arms around Xander’s waist, leaning his chin on the naked shoulder.

“Don’t take it personally, luv. I just get a little anxious when I have to go back, that’s all. But it's not something I really want to talk about.”

"Let's just get ready to go."

"You gonna stay pissed at me all day then?"

"Not pissed. Just waiting for the hot water."

The blond sighed. "Whatever. I'll take one when you're done."

Spike turned and left the bathroom, leaving Xander alone to his shower.


They sat side by side, waiting for the plane to lift off. Xander had barely spoken since they'd left the apartment and Spike was feeling less and less certain about keeping the dream to himself. He reached over to put his hand on Xander's knee and felt the tension immediately.

"You can't stare out the window the whole trip."

He received a shrug and more silence.

"Talk to me."

Xander's head whipped around, his eyes showing much more sadness than anger. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't care. Just don't give me the silent treatment."

"Oh, like you weren't giving me one."

Spike shook his head. "Not the same thing."

The brunet rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the window. "Whatever."

The plane taxied down the runway and began its flight before Spike attempted again.

"New York's gonna be real fucking great if this is the way it's gonna be."

Dark, angry eyes met his. "Maybe you should go by yourself then."

"Okay, Xander. Stop being a prick about this. It's over."

"Until the next time when you push me away again?"

"I wasn't pushing... " He shook his head and sighed, knowing they weren't going to settle it this way. "I wasn't trying to push you away. I had a nightmare, It was gonna make it worse to talk about it. That's all."

"I didn't like not knowing what to do."

"Nothing you could have done, pet, except what you did. Alright? Now let's forget this and start thinking about what we're gonna do in New York."

Xander decided to give in, knowing he wasn’t going to get anywhere on the subject. "I've never been to New York."

"We won't have enough time to do much sightseeing, but I can show you a couple of places."

"Won't your dad want you around most of the time?"

Spike's face immediately stiffened. "He'll probably be working. Hopefully we won't see much of 'im."

"You really don't like him, do you?"

"He's a bloody fucking son of a bitch."

"So why go?"

"Because I can't risk him screwing me out of what's mine. Right now, he's in charge and all I can do is go along with it until I have the power to change it."

"Is it really worth it?"

"It was my mum's company. I have to hold onto it and I'm gonna make sure that bastard ends up out on his ass with nothing."

"Gees, Spike. He's your step dad."

Spike shook his head before he said too much. "I'll be right back. Gotta take a piss."

He made his way to the small bathroom and closed the door behind him. He took a deep breath, calming the anger before he returned to Xander. Reaching inside his pocket, he pulled out the vial of cocaine. He passed it back and forth between his hands, debating. New York. He'd managed to stay away for over a year and now he had to face the monster again. Back to the temptation he was holding between his fingers, he twisted the lid. Into one nostril, and then the other and then enjoyed the familiar burning down his throat. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, disappointed in himself for giving in.

"Feel better?" Xander asked when Spike returned to his seat.

The blond fondled the object inside his pocket. "Much."


They arrived in front of the large, brick house in a car sent by Ethan's office.

"Wow! You live here?!" Xander asked, staring at the enormous size of the place.

"No. Ethan lives here. I visit."

"I mean, this is where you grew up?"

"No. He bought this place after my mum died."

"It's bigger than any house should have a right to be."

"He only bought it to impress people. He's all about putting on a fake show," Spike answered in disgust.

After walking inside Spike was relieved when they found the house silent and empty. They quickly hauled their bags upstairs, dumping them into two rooms adjoined by a bathroom.

"I'm gonna miss sleeping in the same bed with you."

Spike's brow rose and then came the evil smirk. He closed in, pushing Xander down onto the guest room bed and then climbed on, pinning the other body with his own. "Don't think I won't be sneaking in here to shag you."

"Mmm. I like the sound of that."

"In fact..." He grabbed onto the brunet's lips and kissed him deeply while rubbing their bodies together. “A shag is just what we need.” Before long, Spike had Xander naked, writhing beneath him, his large, hard cock between his lips. When he had him on the edge, about to explode, he stopped and moved away.

"What the fuck?"

Spike smiled, his eyes dilated from the coke and Xander finally caught on.

"Need lube. I'll be right back."

He left the other man panting and breathless on the bed, returning to his own room to grab the lube from his suitcase. By the time he was back, he was naked, slick and ready to fuck Xander into the mattress. He climbed back onto the bed and motioned Xander onto his stomach. Grabbing his hips, he pulled him onto his knees and slid his cock inside. Fast, harsh thrusts into the tight ass, his hand wrapped around Xander's cock, focusing on bringing them both off quickly. Not tender, not romantic, just a short, hard fuck and they were both screaming their climaxes.


Dressed and out on the balcony outside his room, Spike stood smoking a cigarette, staring out over the well-maintained grounds and the large pool taking up half of the yard. Xander came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Spike's waist.

"I thought you were gonna stop using."

Spike whipped his head back with a confused expression and then turned back around to blow out a chest full of smoke.

"I know what you're like when you're on it. I can tell by your eyes. And the way you fuck."

"Just needed a little something, Harris. 'S not a big deal."

"You fuck without feeling."

Spike snickered and took another drag from the cigarette before flicking it over the edge. "I felt plenty," he joked.

Xander shook his head and pushed his chin onto Spike's shoulder. "You know what I mean. I'm not lecturing you..."

"Point taken. You know, we should go for a swim later," he suggested, changing the subject.

Xander gave up and looked out over the pool. "Got anything to eat? We kinda skipped breakfast."

The blond nodded. They made their way to the kitchen with Spike giving a tour of the house as they went. After sandwiches were fixed and beer was grabbed, they sat down on the sofa in front of the large plasma screen television.

"We should really think about getting one of these." Xander picked up the remote and began cheerfully flipping through the channels.

“Is that all it takes to make you happy?” Spike asked, grinning ear to ear.

“Well, it’d be better if I was watching it while you were sucking me off.” He smiled and laughed at his own joke.

Spike returned a coy smile. “That could be arranged.” He reached over, grabbed Xander through his jeans and kissed him hard on the mouth. And then heard the sound of a throat clearing behind them.


Spike’s face paled as soon as he heard the sound of the voice. He turned his head and looked at Ethan who was staring back with an angry expression.

“I’d like to see you in my office.”

Part Twenty-Three

First, thanks to [info]spikes_heart for the read through. Then I need to tell you to read it again because I changed about 50% of it.
Then a major thank you to [info]spanderluv for becoming my collaborator on this story. This was the hardest chapter I could possibly imagine ever having to write.
It's not pretty, folks! Serious warning for non-con and abuse on this one!

Ethan turned around and walked out of the room, expecting Spike to follow.

Spike leaned in, kissed Xander and then stood up. “Why don’t you go upstairs and wait for me.”

“Why can’t I just…”

“Please?” For a house as large and intimidating as this one, Spike knew the walls were as thin as paper. He really didn’t want to take the chance of Xander hearing anything Ethan had to say.

“Alright. I’ll be upstairs if that’s what you want.” He sighed as he stood up, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Is he pissed that I’m here? I didn’t mean to… ”

“He’s always fucking pissed at something. Don’t worry about it. I’ll come up when I’m done.”

Xander nodded and Spike watched him slowly climb the stairs and disappear down the hallway. Once he was sure Xander was out of sight, he shoved his hand inside his pocket and pulled out the vial of coke. Twisting the cap off, he brought it to his nose and snorted the remaining powder. He rolled his shoulders, gained what courage he could and headed into Ethan’s office.

The older man was sitting silently behind his desk, sipping brandy from a crystal glass. He kept a stern eye as he watched Spike walk in and motioned toward the small chair sitting on the other side.

“Didn’t expect company, William.”

“Didn’t think I had to ask permission,” he answered. “And it’s Spike.”

“Of course you didn’t. You knew I’d say no” He poured more into his glass and took a sip. “And I refuse to call you by that obnoxious name.”

Spike’s lips curled into a frown.

“Have you seen Buffy?”

Spike shook his head. “We just got here.”

“It should have been the first thing on your mind.”

The blond looked down, playing with the chipped nail polish he hadn’t bothered to take off. “Sorry. Not my first priority, mate.”

Ethan leaned back into the chair, placing his hands behind his head. “Yes. I saw where your priorities were.”

“Fuck you. You don’t know anything about me or my priorities.”

“If sucking that boy’s cock doesn’t benefit my company, then your priorities aren’t where they need to be. If that’s the case, we’re going to have a very big problem. I’ve worked too long and hard to let you fuck this up.”

“Well I guess we’ve got a problem then,” he answered cockily.

“No William, we don’t.” Ethan stood up to walk around the desk and stopped directly in front of Spike. “Because you’re going to do whatever needs to be done for the good of this company at all means necessary.”

Spike pushed his chair back and stood, staring Ethan down, his face reddening in anger. He turned his back to him and poured himself a drink. “I know exactly what’s best for this company.”

“Obviously you don’t or you wouldn’t have left.”

Spike’s eyes went dark as he turned back around. “Why the fuck would I have stayed?”

“Because you had an obligation to me.”

“Obligation? What bloody obligation?! I didn’t owe you a fucking thing!”

“Oh, you owed me plenty, boy. You think your lifestyle came for free?! You had your clothes, your cars, your drugs…anything you wanted. I only expected one thing from you and you even managed to fuck that up.”

Spike scoffed and answered sarcastically, “I don’t remember hearing any complaints. If there were, you’d be the one to blame considering you were the one who taught me.”

Ethan’s face immediately turned to stone.

“What’s wrong? Truth hurt?”

“What truth? That I took what I wanted and made you my whore? Is that the truth you’re talking about? Or is it the fact that you started to like it? A few blowjobs for all the shit you could snort? Doesn’t seem like such a bad trade.”

“Fuck you, Ethan.”

“So it’s Ethan now. Show some respect, boy. After all, I am still your father.”

“You were never my bloody father,” he corrected through gritted teeth.

Ethan ignored the comment and changed the subject. “There’s a matter we need to discuss.”

Spike finished his drink in a long, steady gulp. “And that would be…?”

“Your boyfriend.”

His attention turned back to Ethan. “What’s he have to do with this?”

“Exactly my point. The next time you show up on my doorstep, remember to leave your fucktoy at home. I don’t need everyone knowing my son is a faggot.”

“Now I’m a faggot?” he asked as he began to laugh. “Why’s it I’m a faggot when I’m sucking his cock, but you didn’t seem to mind when I was sucking yours? If that makes me a faggot, what’s that make you?”

“I wouldn’t laugh if I were you. Things haven’t changed as much as you seem to think they have.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not afraid of you anymore. There’s nothing you can do to me more than you already have.”

“Oh there’s so much more I can do, William. How’d you like to wake up tomorrow and find your future gone? All because you couldn’t follow my rules. I could sell everything, retire on an island somewhere sipping margaritas, and there’s not a fucking thing you could do to stop it.” Ethan’s smirk made Spike’s blood boil.

“It’s my mum’s company, you bloody wanker.”

Was your mother’s company. She’s not exactly around to complain, now is she.”

He’d tried to fight it, tried to control his anger but Ethan had gone too far. He drew back his fist and landed a hard blow to the other man’s jaw.

After the initial shock of the punch, Ethan smiled. “At least I taught you not to hit like a fag.” He wiped his bleeding lip and then crossed his arms in front of him. “So here’s the thing, William…as long as he’s here, let’s talk about your little fucktoy. You think he’d be up for a go with a few of our more… respectable clients?”

Spike’s eyes slanted in disgust.

“Of course, I’d have to have the first go myself to see if he’s up to company standards. What do you think? Is he as good a fuck as you were?”

Spike clenched his fists, his entire body tensed in anger. “Fuck you, you mother fucker. You don’t ever fucking touch him. You hear me?!”

“Now now, William. Did I strike a nerve?”

Ethan grinned in amusement and then let his face turn cold. “Now here’s the way I see it. I still own you for another four years. You do what I say, when I say it. Right now, your job is to keep Buffy happy, play nice with the clients and keep your fucking faggot boyfriend Out. Of. My. Way.”

Spike grit his teeth and looked directly into the other man’s eyes, showing all the hate and anger he’d been holding for nine long years.

“By the way, I have a meeting planned and I expect you to be there. I think you’ll remember the client? Harry Langston?”

Spike felt the turning of his stomach, the memory rushing at him with the speed of a freight train. He glanced up and saw the sadistic smile on Ethan’s face.

“I’ll kill him if he comes near me.”

Ignoring him, Ethan grabbed his coat from a hook on the back of the door and faced Spike. “I’m going out. I’ve enjoyed our little chat. You should visit more often.” He turned and left without waiting for a reply.

Shouting at the top of his lungs, Spike screamed, “Fuck you!” to the empty hallway.

Grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels from the corner bar, he emptied a quarter of its contents before leaving, heading upstairs and into his room. In a fit of rage, he started searching. Overturning drawers, smashing everything in his path, he tore through the room looking for the bag that held the one thing that would make him not care.

Xander was in the doorway as soon as he heard the commotion from the other room.


The brunet froze when he saw the condition Spike was in along with the state of the room. He watched as Spike finished the last of what was in the bottle and then threw it against the wall, just barely missing him in the process.

Finally finding the bag that he was looking for, Spike ripped it open, pulling out the Crystal Meth.

Xander eased into the room, carefully approaching the other man. “What the hell is wrong with you?! What the fuck are you doing?!”

Spike’s voice was cold and angry. “Forgetting.”

“Forgetting what?! What are you talking about?!”

“Piss off, Harris. This is none of your fucking business!”

“If it’s about you, then it is my business!”

“Which part of piss off do you not understand?!”

“The part where you’re acting like a maniac and throwing things at me, dammit! ,” The tone in Xander’s voice increased. “What the hell’s wrong with you?!”

Trying to twist the cap off, he gave Xander a sideways glance. “Are you still here?! I told you to get the fuck out!” His attention turned back to the more important task of trying to open the vial with unsteady hands.

Walking over to Spike, he grabbed the object away from him. “You think this is what you need?! Well I hate to tell you, it’s not!” He walked into the bathroom, leaving Spike standing where he was and quickly flushed the vial.

Spike was on him within seconds. He lunged, grabbing him by the arm, whipping his body around to face him. “You fucker! What the fuck did you do that for?!”

“I thought maybe it’d get your attention!” Xander stopped yelling and tried to calm himself. “So maybe you’d talk to me.”

“You don’t want to know!” he screamed, tightening his grip on Xander’s arms. “Do you really want to know how he couldn’t keep his hands to himself!! Or his dick?! Maybe you’d like to hear how it got ‘im off even more when I’d beg him to stop! Is that what you want me to tell you?! Huh?!

“Spike.” Xander narrowed his eyes, feeling the fear welling up. Now that Spike was talking, he suddenly didn’t want to hear it.

After seeing the look on Xander’s face, he tilted his head and asked, “What’s the matter, Harris? Don’t like what you’re hearing? Well, too fucking bad. This is what you asked for!” Spike’s hands were digging in, shaking the other man as he spoke.

Xander let out a pained gasp. “Stop it, Spike. You’re hurting me.”

Suddenly realizing what he was doing, Spike eased his grip and threw Xander against the wall, storming out of the bathroom. “You asked for it.”

Xander rubbed the sore spot on his arms, collected himself and followed.

“I didn’t ask for you to take it out on me!”

Spike’s anger grew as he became focused on the spot where his fist was steadily banging against the wall, his knuckles open and bloody. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”

Xander walked up behind him, grabbed the swinging arm and turning him around to face him. “No!”

The fist came out, swinging halfway at Xander before Spike caught himself and stopped.

“Fuck!” he screamed, pushing his back against the wall. He waited, expecting Xander to yell, hit him back… something. Instead, he was surprised when Xander turned and leaned against the wall beside him.

Things were quiet. Both men dealing with their own anger at what almost happened. Finally, his tone calmer, Spike began to talk.

“You ever been beaten, Harris? Whipped so hard until your back bled and it hurt to lay down for two days? I have. Didn’t happen more than once or twice because I learned real quick. Learned it didn’t pay to fight back. Was easier just to give in, to let him…” His head bowed, trying to hide the tears that were steadily falling. “God, I can’t... You shouldn’t have to hear this.”

Spike’s lip was quivering as he tried to keep control. He shook his head and Xander turned to watch the tears begin to trickle over the half-closed lids.

He reached out and raised Spike’s chin to make sure he saw his face. “You need to do this. Tell me.”

“How am I supposed to...”

“Just start. I don’t care how. Just talk to me.”

Spike pulled away and walked over to the bed. He sat down on the edge and gripped the blanket, twisting it between his fingers. He kept his eyes low, away from Xander’s sight.

“At first, it was just a bit of touching. I hated it, hated him. I tried to fight. That’s when I’d get the belt. Never as hard as the first couple of times, but enough to make me do what he wanted.”

He took a deep, shaky breath and exhaled. “I’d jerk him off ‘til he came and then he’d leave. Became routine. Knew to expect it. But then he got tired of that, so I got my first lesson in cock sucking.” Xander watched the expression on Spike’s face as he told the horror of the memory. Staring down, eyes blank and dark, filled with tears, he re-counted the details of the nightmare he’d refused to share earlier that morning.

“I was thirteen. He’d been coming to me for a few months already, but that night, he was different. Possessive. Making threats. Fucked my mouth until I thought I was gonna gag on it.”

“God, Spike.”

“It was the last time I ever let him see me cry. Wouldn’t give the bastard the satisfaction after that. It’s easy to pretend it’s not happening if you really try…”

“Why didn’t you tell someone?! Say something?!”

“Tell who? He threatened to send me away! Send me to some school across the ocean! I couldn’t leave my mum. I wasn’t gonna leave her alone with that son of a bitch.”

“Why didn’t you tell her? She could have stopped it!”

“She was sick. Cancer was eatin’ ‘er up on the inside. Didn’t know how long she was gonna… I wasn’t gonna make her unhappy.”


“I learned to deal with it. Didn’t get bad until…”

He climbed from the bed, wiping his face with his hands and began pacing from one end of the room to the other.

Finally he stopped and turned his back away, standing in front of the long dresser. The drawers were missing or half-opened from his earlier rant. He glanced into the mirror, saw Xander watching him and quickly diverted his eyes.

“Until he decided I was old enough and started…” He looked down and wrapped his arms around his shaking body.

Xander closed his eyes, gripping the bed’s comforter between his fingers. He’d known it was coming, but hearing it made it too real.

“He started fucking you.”



“I need to see you in my office.” Ethan had peeked his head around the corner, interrupting William’s attention from the book he’d been reading. The only escape he was ever allowed. No visits to friend’s houses, no after school sports. No socializing with anyone his own age.

He swung his legs around, standing up from the couch and headed into the small spare room Ethan had made into an office. He walked through the door and found the older man sitting behind the desk.

“Close the door, William.”

His stomach dropped. He knew what was expected behind closed doors. He took a deep breath and turned around, closing and locking the door behind him. Without being told, he lifted his shirt over his head and discarded his jeans and boxers, standing naked for his father’s view. Ethan stood up and went to his son.

“Today’s the big day.”

The blue, lost eyes refused to look up. “Yes, sir.”

“Sixteen is a special age. Is there anything you want?” He walked around, letting his hand rub along the bare chest and down along the defined stomach muscles.

Go fuck yourself “No.”

Ethan pressed his body against William’s backside, reaching around to grip his cock.

“You’ve become a fine looking man. A little scrawnier than I’d prefer, but you have a lot of potential. I’m sure plenty of other people would agree.”

William closed his eyes, blocking out the feel of the hand pulling on his dick. At sixteen, it had begun to betray his brain, hardening at the touch of Ethan’s hand, just as he’d said it would years ago. Once he was fully erect, the hand disappeared and William heard the sound of Ethan’s belt being unbuckled.

“Turn around and look at me.”

He hesitated, panicked, and finally turned to find Ethan already undressed, standing with one hand massaging his cock, while the other gripped his balls underneath. It was wet, glistening with a slick substance.

“I’ve waited such a long time for this. Couldn’t wait anymore. Got myself ready and everything.”

William blinked and felt his entire world crumble when he realized what was happening. When he realized the only ounce of innocence he still had was about to be taken. He was positive Ethan saw the terror in his eyes because he received the smile. The smile that said nothing more than ‘I win’.


Xander was about to move, wanting to be closer, but decided to give Spike his space while he continued to talk.


“Bend over the desk, boy.”

William raised his eyes and stared into the cold, empty ones he knew so well.

“Do I have to tell you twice?”

And then he felt like that twelve-year-old boy again. “No, sir.”

He swallowed the bit of pride he thought he still had and turned around, gripping the edge of the desk. Ethan’s hands pulled at his ass, pushing the cheeks apart.

“It’s gonna hurt some. But it’ll make you remember...”

He felt the blunt head against his hole.

“The first time…”

Pressing and tearing into him.

“you were fucked…”

Rough and hard. Too hard for anyone’s first time.


Spike found Xander’s eyes, wet with tears. He didn’t want to continue, but knew he couldn’t stop there. He could only hope that after everything was out in the open, Xander would still want him, so he continued.


“It’s time you start earning your keep around here.”

Two weeks after the first time and William had been buggered every day since. This time in his own room, pushed against the head rail like he’d been so many times before. Only this time, Ethan’s cock was buried inside him.

“You need to start helping the company. It’s only fair if you want to be part of it some day.”

Ethan came, spilling himself inside William’s ass and then casually pulled out. By the time William let go of the rail and slid down onto the bed, the older man was already dressed, zipping his fly.

“I have a client who will be here to meet you around 6:00 this evening. It’s fairly simple. Entertain him. I’ve set some rules into place and he knows what’s allowed and what’s not. Be nice. Courteous. Just do what he says.”


Spike, reliving the memory as he told it, felt the nausea churning. He ran for the bathroom and began to retch, choking as he coughed up the contents in his stomach. Xander was up off the bed and at Spike’s side right away, his arm gently rubbing his back.

“Please tell me he didn’t…”

Spike’s eyes and the sobbing that began answered Xander’s question. The blond sat back, leaning against the side of the wall.

“I didn’t care, Xander. By then, I just didn’t care. If I started to, Ethan would give me something to make it not matter. As long as he had their money, he’d give me anything I wanted.”


He was still choking on his tears. “Anything. Coke, heroin… whatever. Didn’t matter as long as I didn’t feel anything. Easy to give a blow job, even easier to receive one if you’re too doped up to care.”

A thought popped into Xander’s head that made him cringe. The thought of Spike fucking him earlier that day, high on coke. Xander had known enough to realized it immediately. You fuck without feeling. A stranger wouldn’t.

“I was everyone’s whore, Xander. I was told where, when and who. Ethan arranged it, and I...” he stopped and sniffed, trying to hold it inside.

“Somewhere along the way, while it was happening, my mum finally gave up. I don’t think she ever knew. I’d have killed myself if I thought she did.”

Xander moved in, closing the distance between them and grabbed Spike. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight as he pulled him to his feet. Staring at Xander, in shock that he was still there, he tightened his arms around him and let his emotions go.

“Please, Xan. Please don’t hate me. Please…”

Xander pulled away.

“God, Spike! Don’t even say that! It’s not your fault! None of it!”

“I let him do it… I couldn’t fight…”

“It’s over now. You got away, right? He didn’t win.”

“He won, Xander. He definitely won.”


They’d moved into the new house three weeks after his mum died. Business never faltered and William was spiraling, barely caring what day it was, much less giving a fuck about the special room set up just for entertaining. The rules were the same, which William had finally figured out on his own. What was allowed and what wasn’t. A client had never fucked him, so it was easy to guess that Ethan wouldn’t allow it.

“William, I’d like you to meet Harry Langston. He’s a special client so I expect you to give him whatever he wants.”

“Yes, sir.”

Ethan left William alone with the man in the tailored three-piece business suit.

“Mr. Langston?”

“Call me Harry.”

William nodded and offered his guest a drink. This part he’d begun to enjoy. Watching the men, trying to determine what they were into. What they would want. Slowly bringing out the hidden kinks, usually surprised by what each man wanted. He poured the liquor while Harry ventured around the room.

“Nice system.”

William glanced up at the entertainment system and grabbed the remote. He pushed play and watched as the sight and sound of men fucking appeared on the large, wide-screen television adorning the wall.

Harry smiled and downed his drink.

“Your father speaks highly of you.”

William frowned and went back for a refill after having finished his own. Harry’s attention was focused on the screen, so William took the advantage and inhaled a couple of lines from his stash on a table in the corner. Meant for the guest’s enjoyment, William always managed to hoard most of it for his own use.

“You want to come and watch with me?”

William nodded, joining the other man on the large, cushioned sofa.

“You’re young. Sixteen? Seventeen?”

“Almost eighteen. Two weeks.”

Harry nodded.

“You really are handsome. My guess is you’ve been told that before, though.”

You’ve become a fine looking man. William shrugged.

His eyes fell on Harry’s crotch and he noticed the prominent bulge pushing against the slacks. He reached across and began rubbing it with the palm of his hand. Better to get it over with.

“Mmm. That’s nice,” came the deep voice. “But it’d be nicer in your mouth.”

Like a robot, William pulled the cock free and took it into his mouth. Harry’s hands were in his hair, twisting and pulling and he realized this client enjoyed it rough. He complied and added a bit more force to the blowjob.

Harry’s breath hitched. “No, stop! I don’t want to come yet.”

William obeyed and let the cock go.

“Just let me catch my breath, okay?”

He sat back on the couch and waited for round two. A few minutes went by and William was getting antsy. Harry hadn’t moved, his eyes focused completely on the television.

“You like that?”

“What?” William asked, turning to the screen.

“Don’t tell me that doesn’t make you hard. All that fucking… all those men…”

He shrugged. “Guess I’ve gotten used to it. Same movie, different day.”

Harry laughed and his hand moved to rub against William’s jeans. “This would be better if you were naked.”

He nodded and did as he was told.

He stood in front of the other man’s dilated eyes and saw the look he’d become accustomed to. The look of hunger. Harry stood up, moving closer.

“You have a nice cock,” he whispered as he gave it a pull. “But you have an even nicer ass.” The man’s erection rubbed against William’s when their bodies met, large hands reaching around to grip his cheeks. “I’d like to have a go at that.”

William flinched and his body stiffened. Harry pulled him around in a quick movement, grinding his cock against the naked crack. “Bet you’re a real good fuck.”

He tried to pull away but the hands gripped him tighter. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Stop, you bloody tosser. This isn’t funny.”

“Are you afraid?”

William pulled again. “Sod off.”

Harry laughed and pushed him hard against the wall.

“Go ahead and fight. Makes it better.”

William felt surrounded. The sounds of sex around him, the feel of the large body pushing against him and then finally the hands pulling, opening his ass for the large, dry cock to enter.

“No! Don’t!”

“That’s right, beg me to stop. Tell me you don’t want it.”

“Fuck you!”

Pushing and tearing against the walls of his rectum, he felt the burn as the man forced his way deeper inside William's body.

“God, that’s so fucking tight. Pretty boy like you... worth every fucking penny.”

He felt his ass give in, the blood becoming lubricant for the cock to glide on.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…” Harry chanted, pushing in and out, in and out, panting and breathing, grunting against William’s neck.

William heard screaming. Tried to drown it out. Tried to stop it. It was the sound of his own voice but he couldn’t control it. He felt it when the man began to fill him, felt it when the object was pulled from his ass and felt it when he was let go and dropped roughly to the floor. Finally, the sounds in the room faded and everything went dark.


Ethan wiped the come from his hands, put his cock back inside his pants and turned off the monitor to the guest room. He pushed a button to allow the CD Rom to slide open. He labeled the CD – William 5/21/2001. Placing it into a case, he pulled out the hidden drawer under his desk and placed the CD with the rest of his collection.


Xander led Spike back into the bedroom and eased him onto the bed, forcing him to lie down. “You’re okay. You’re safe,” he whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him.

Spike looked up, his eyes distant, still wet with tears.

“It’ll never be okay.”

“Spike, listen to me. Let’s get out of here. There’s no reason for you to be here!”

“I can’t,” he said, his voice worn out and weak. “I have to stay.”

“Why would you put yourself through this? It’s not worth it!”

“It is to me. Xander, this is the only way I know to hurt him. Make him pay. I’m not gonna sit back and let him have my mum’s company! It might seem stupid to you, but it’s all I’ve got. I just have to stick it out a little bit longer.”

Xander nodded. “Then we’ll stick it out together.” He pulled the blanket up to cover Spike’s body and began to walk back to his own room.


He stopped and turned back around.

“Please stay. I need you.”

Moving back to the bed, he climbed in under the blanket and pulled Spike against him, wrapping his arm tightly around his waist. When he felt Spike’s body relax against his, he finally let his own do the same.

Part Twenty-Four

Spike’s eyes opened, diligently searching the room, trying to remember where he was when it all came rushing back. The talk with Ethan, the helpless feelings that threatened to overtake the front he’d fought so hard to put on, and finally, the confession. He remembered admitting to Xander all the shameful secrets he’d kept hidden so well. Now everything was out in the open in all its perverse detail. The welled up tears slid down his cheeks and turned into sobs as his body shook with the thought that he’d driven Xander away. Assuming he was alone in the bed, Spike tried to pull the blanket up tighter around his neck and immediately felt resistance from behind him.

He glanced over his shoulder when Xander wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling their bodies closer together. Realizing Xander was still asleep, Spike took a deep sigh of relief, thankful that he was still there. He tried to let his body relax, gripped Xander’s arm to pull it tighter around himself and closed his eyes.


Xander watched Spike as he slept, realizing how beautiful and peaceful he looked. The look of innocence on his face hid the horrors of the night before. To see him this way, no one would ever guess he’d been used and molested for years. Xander shuddered to think of what Spike’s life had been like. What he’d been forced to endure. When he felt him stir, Xander did the first thing he thought of and closed his eyes, faking sleep. He wasn’t ready to face the reality yet. What could he say that would make things any better? He listened to Spike’s sobs, wanting to hold him and to tell him everything would be all right. He casually rolled closer, wrapped his arms around his lover, letting him know he wasn’t going anywhere, knowing it was the best thing he could offer at the moment.


When Xander woke up a second time, he opened his eyes to see Spike facing him, the blue eyes intently staring into his. Before he could say anything, lips were kissing him softly.

“Morning, pet.”

Xander smiled. “How long have you been staring at me?”

“Long enough to know you make these strange little sounds when you sleep,” he answered with a chuckle.

“Oh, great. Thanks for the complex.”

Spike leaned in to kiss him again. “It was actually kind of adorable.”

“I’m glad you’re so easily amused,” he answered sarcastically. Xander rolled onto his back and stretched, knowing he had to ask sooner or later. “So how are you feeling this morning?”

Spike’s mouth curled into a slight frown and he pulled away, about to get up. “Right as rain,” he answered, avoiding the issue before it was started.

Xander grabbed his arm, pulling him back. “You were really fucked up last night.”

Spike swung his legs over and sat on the edge of the bed, stretching his muscles and cracking his neck. “Yeah. Should know better than to mess with that shit.”

“I wasn’t just talking about that. I was talking about…”

“I know,” Spike interrupted. “Don’t have to make a big deal of it, okay?”

Xander nodded. “I get that you don’t want to talk about it. We can ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen if that’s what you want.” He reached out, wrapping his fingers around Spike’s arm, forcing him to turn back around to face him. Xander searched his eyes, making sure Spike understood. “But it did happen, and I just wanted you to know I’m still here and willing to listen. I’m not going anywhere.”

Spike nodded and gave Xander the same serious look. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“I mean, why are you still here? Most people would have buggered off the second they found out.”

Xander shrugged. “I’m not most people.” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I know you have some issues. I’m not saying you don’t, but it’s nothing we can’t deal with. I’m here because I want to be. I enjoy being around you and if we can make this thing work, I think it’s worth it.” He brushed his fingers gently up and down Spike’s arm and tried to lighten the mood. “Even if you are a bit fucked up,” he added with a smile.

Spike’s eyebrow rose. “So you noticed that, did you?”

Xander chuckled. “Yeah, the first time I saw you sitting there with Buffy, I knew.”

Spike turned back around and climbed onto the bed, pinning Xander underneath him. “And how’s that?” He wiggled his hips, grinding their bodies together.

“I knew it was fucked up that you were with her. It was only a matter of time before I had you wrapped around my little finger.”

“That so?”

“Yep.” Xander nipped at Spike’s lip, smiling as he kissed him.

“Just for the record, mate,” he whispered seductively as he licked a path toward Xander’s ear, “it wasn’t your finger that I noticed.”

Xander began to pant as Spike’s hand slipped underneath his shirt and began tweaking his nipple. “Then it must have been my dashing good looks,” he suggested, turning his head to give better access to Spike’s lips.

“Nope, not that either,” Spike answered, grinding his groin harder into Xander’s.

Xander moaned and asked breathlessly, “My irresistible personality?”

Spike smiled against Xander’s skin and began kissing his way down the side of his neck, at the same time, pushing Xander’s shirt up over his head. “Irresistible as you may be… Still wasn’t the first thing I noticed.” He latched on and began sucking Xander’s nipple. Hearing another moan from beneath him, Spike used a little more force with his teeth and nipped and pulled the hardened peak. He licked the fingers on his free hand and found the neglected nipple, taunting and teasing it in time with his mouth.

“What was it then?” Xander asked, arching into Spike’s hand as it slowly began moving down his stomach, stopping just as it reached the waistband of his jeans.

Spike raised his head to look at Xander, giving an evil grin before he quickly slid down the length of his body. His teeth latched onto the top of Xander’s jeans and pulled the button free. Spike gripped the zipper, easing it down until he noticed bare flesh underneath. “And what do we have here?” he asked, amused at Xander’s lack of boxers.

“What?” Xander asked while trying to control his breathing. He glanced down and noticed Spike’s surprised expression. “Oh,” he whispered.

Spike moved back up and grabbed Xander’s lips kissing him deeply as his hand pushed inside the open jeans, gripping his cock. “Mmm. Very accessible.”

Xander smiled. “You do it.”

Spike began stroking, feeling Xander hardening in his hand. “This is what I wanted. Bit more exciting than your finger, yeah?”

Xander closed his eyes and moaned, pushing his hips forward to thrust into Spike’s hand. “So you…” he arched up and gripped the sheet when Spike’s finger grazed the sensitive tip. “only wanted me,” he panted, “for my cock?”

“Yep,” he smiled.

Xander opened his eyes, grabbed Spike’s ass with both hands and pushed them over, taking a position on top. “Glad we got that straight. At least we have something in common.”

“What’s that?”

Xander reached down and cupped Spike’s jeans, squeezing the denim-clad erection. “Complete fascination with each other’s cocks.” He smiled at the incredulous look he received. Before Spike could get a word in, Xander leaned in and kissed him hard. After a few minutes of deep and breathtaking kisses, he pulled his lips away. Spike was bucking upward, trying to gain more friction.

“Take me out, pet,” he begged,” please…” He moved his hips, trying to grind against Xander’s hand.

“What’s the matter, Spike?” he teased.

“Things are gonna get ugly if you don’t fucking touch me,” he complained. He thrust up again. “Your hand, your mouth… anything! Pleeeaaassse!” he whimpered.

Hearing the desperation in Spike’s voice, Xander continued to tease, sliding his tongue back in for another deep kiss. Moving his hand up to the top of Spike’s jeans, he traced the buttons down with his thumb and then let his fingers brush against the bulge pushing against the material. He eased off, moving his hand to the inside of Spike’s thigh, grazing slightly over his balls.

“Fuck, Xan,” Spike moaned, turning his hips to allow more friction.

Xander repositioned his hand to the top of the jeans and slowly flipped the first button. His eyes rose, staring at the needful expression on Spike’s face while flipping the second button. Spike’s breathing hitched as he bit into his lower lip. With an evil smirk that would match Spike’s own, Xander slowly flipped the third button between his fingers.

Spike pushed harder against Xander’s hand, squirming and twisting his hips. “Bloody hell!” he yelled, as he reached down and ripped his jeans open. Spike’s cock sprung free, fully erect and begging for attention. When he made no attempt to move, he grabbed Xander’s hand and wrapped it around the base of his cock.

Xander smiled and began pumping slowly. “Is this what you wanted?”

Spike began to pant when Xander’s hand started moving up and down his shaft. “Yesss,” he hissed, gritting his teeth. He pulled Xander down for another kiss and then pushed him away quickly. “You right bastard,” he laughed.

Xander smiled, kissed Spike and then descended down the writhing body. His tongue darted out, swirling around Spike’s leaking head as his hand continued to stroke, forcing more pre-come to bubble from the slit. He gathered it onto his tongue and pulled back, returning to Spike’s lips.

Spike moaned when Xander kissed him, tasting himself as their tongues collided. Xander’s hand let go and then rose from the bed. He turned back around with a sinister smile. “I think it’s shower time.”

Spike looked in disbelief as Xander disappeared through the bathroom door. He shrugged his shoulders and reached down, wrapping his hand around his painfully hard cock. As he positioned himself and began to stroke for a quick release, Xander stepped back into the room, fully naked. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Now get your ass in here.” He turned back around and was gone again.

“Bugger,” Spike muttered, stripping out of his clothes.

“I intend to!” Xander shouted from the other room.

Spike smiled as he entered the bathroom, stroking his cock. He eased his way behind Xander and ground his erection against his ass. “That a promise, mate?”

“Only if you’re good.”

“Oh, you should know by now I’m always good,” he hissed, kissing the back of Xander’s neck while rolling his hips forward.

Xander reached out to turn on the shower, pushing his hand under the stream to adjust the temperature. Once the water was hot enough, he turned and wrapped his arms around Spike, leaning in to kiss him. Their kisses turned to moans when their cocks met and began rubbing against each other. With their arms still wrapped around one another, Xander began stepping backward, pulling Spike with him into the shower. After a few more leisurely kisses, they broke away.

“Wash first, fuck later or we’ll never get clean,” Xander joked, pushing Spike underneath the spray.

“Fuck now, wash later,” Spike suggested, trying to pull Xander closer.

Spike pouted as he found a washcloth being shoved into his hand and saw the stern look on Xander’s face.

Xander began washing himself as Spike stood under the water and watched. When it was time to change places, Xander rinsed while Spike soaped his washcloth and began washing his own body. Xander smiled and moved in, stealing the cloth from him to take over. He rubbed the suds over Spike’s shoulders and down his back, massaging his skin. Spike moaned at the caresses, closing his eyes and leaning his head forward against the wall. The washcloth was discarded and soapy hands began running along the slicked skin, rubbing down his thighs, his legs and then back up.

Leaning into Spike, Xander began to rub their bodies together, placing small kisses along the back of his neck, warranting more moans of pleasure from the other man. He grabbed the shampoo bottle, poured a dollop into his hand and began massaging it into the blond hair. Once he was lathered enough, Xander stepped away and pushed Spike’s head under the spray to rinse the shampoo. While he was distracted, in one quick movement, Xander slid to his knees and swallowed Spike’s cock to the root. Spike gasped in surprise and clutched the sides of the shower to hold himself up.

“’Bout fucking time,” he panted.

Xander smiled around the long, hard shaft and began slow, sensuous licks. Starting at the base, his tongue slid the length of one side, circled the head, adding a small amount of suction with his lips and then returned to where he began, taking as much of the engorged flesh into his mouth as he could. His eyes glanced upward, catching Spike staring down at him.

Spike stood with his mouth open, breath coming in short, quick pants, watching as Xander sucked him. The emotion on Xander’s face was at first playful and loving and then turned serious as he began working the flesh with more effort. Spike’s head flew back when Xander began humming around him, sending vibrations from the tip of his cockhead to his balls. He removed his hand from the wall and planted it firmly in the locks of brown hair.

The scent was all Spike. Even through the masquerading smell of the soap they’d used, Xander could taste the familiar essence of his boyfriend on his tongue. His mind drifted. Gone was the sound of the shower beating against the tiles. Gone was the warmth of the water on his skin. All that mattered was the pleasure he could offer to the erect flesh in front of him.

Xander swallowed around the throbbing cock, making it jump and twitch with every pull… every flick of his tongue. All his concentration focused solely on the flavor and feel of Spike’s dick in his mouth. Every other blowjob… every other cock he’d sucked meant nothing. There was only this moment and this man, begging and screaming his name under the sound of the running water.

“Ahhh! That’s it, pet. Harder. You look so fucking hot down there on your knees.”

Xander moaned and sped his rhythm until he felt the hands on his head, forcing him to stop. He looked up at Spike who was looking down at him. He ran his hands through Xander’s wet hair. “Stay still. I wanna fuck your mouth.”

Xander moaned, grabbed onto Spike’s hips and pulled him forward, gesturing for Spike to continue. He opened his mouth wider and relaxed his throat, allowing Spike to set the pace of his thrusts.

Spike began slowly pumping in and out as Xander tightened around the pulsing cock. “So!” Thrust. “Fucking!” Thrust. “Good!” Spike grunted, as he began to speed up.

Xander moaned again and tightened the suction, preparing for Spike to come. He wanted the rich, tangy taste in his mouth. Xander found the sac underneath and squeezed carefully, kneading the tightening flesh between his fingers. As Spike began to thrust deeper, Xander forced himself to take the long, hard cock to the very back of his throat. It throbbed and pumped and filled his mouth, the warm cum sliding down as he swallowed, trying not to let go as he finished milking every drop.

The hands disappeared from his hair and Xander finally allowed the flaccid cock to slip from his lips. He stood up and gasped as Spike plunged his tongue inside his mouth in a hard and rough kiss. “Grab something for lube, mate. I want you to fuck me and fuck me hard.”

Holding up a bottle of shampoo, Xander looked at Spike with innocent eyes. “Will this do?”

Spike grabbed the bottle from Xander and poured a large amount into his hand. He grabbed Xander’s cock and pumped it once to coat it with the shampoo. He turned around, placed his hands on the towel rack to brace himself and then looked back over his shoulder. “You gonna fuck me or what?” he asked, wiggling his ass.

Xander grinned. “Oh, I’m gonna fuck you, Spike,” he answered seductively while sliding down to his knees. “Right after I do this.” Xander’s hands gripped the globes of Spike’s ass and pulled his cheeks apart, revealing the enticing, pink hole. He stiffened his tongue, found the entrance and pushed slightly.

“Fuck!” Spike screamed.

Xander smiled behind him and pressed in further, wiggling his way inside. His fingers massaged the wet skin as his tongue began moving in and out, fucking Spike slowly. By the time Spike was whimpering and begging for more, Xander moved on to phase two.

He removed his tongue, reached down and stroked his slick cock a couple of times. “You beg so nice…” Three fingers at once worked their way inside, scissoring and flexing, stretching the tight walls. Spike arched back, forcing Xander’s fingers deeper into his body.

“I could make you come just like this. By rubbing right…” he crooked his middle finger, finding the soft, spongy prostate, “here.”

Spike moaned and clenched tighter, trying to hold Xander’s fingers in place.

“Not ready to come like that? You want my cock, don’t you,” Xander whispered, removing his fingers and standing back up with his body pushed against Spike’s.

“Yesss,” Spike hissed.

“You have the best fucking ass. I could eat, sleep and breathe,” he positioned his cock at Spike’s entrance and pushed, “with my cock inside you.” Without taking his time and with a loud grunt, Xander slid home.

“That’s it, Xan! Now, fuck me!” Spike gripped the towel bar tighter and spread his legs further apart for more leverage.

Xander grabbed Spike’s hips and began hammering fast and hard, changing the angle so that he hit Spike’s prostate with each thrust.

“You like that?! Is this what you wanted?” He continued to move, with each thrust pushing Spike’s body until he was flat against the wall. “You like it rough? You like my cock pounding into you?!”

“Bloody hell, yes!” Spike screamed, throwing his head back. “Please, Xander! Harder! Fuck me like you mean it!”

Xander’s nails dug into Spike’s hips as he felt his balls begin to tighten. “Oh, god, Spike! You feel so fucking good!” He moved his hands, reached around and placed them on top of Spike’s, gripping tighter around his fingers each time he slammed forward. Spike moaned when Xander nuzzled into his neck and then brought his lips up to his ear. “Only you, Spike. From now on.”

“Fuck, yeah,” Spike answered as he clenched his muscles tighter around Xander’s cock. “That’s it, pet. Ride my ass.”

At the sound of Spike’s voice, Xander yelled, “Fuck! I’m gonna come!”

Spike pushed back off the wall and grabbed his own cock, pumping it in time with Xander’s steady thrusting.

“Spiiiike!” Xander screamed, emptying himself deep inside Spike’s body.

Once his body was under control, he rested his head against the back of Spike’s shoulder and tried to catch his breath. He began to feel the body moving against him and he glanced down to see Spike jerking himself off. He turned his head and whispered, “Let me help you with that.” Xander’s hand folded tightly over Spike’s. Together, they pumped Spike’s cock until he shouted out, spilling himself against the wall of the shower.

They continued to stand in the same position until their breathing evened out and returned to normal. Xander began to kiss the back of Spike’s neck, moving slowly until he reached his ear. Barely audible, he leaned in and whispered, “I meant what I said. About not wanting anyone else.” They stood still, both unsure for a few moments until Spike turned his head and reached for Xander’s lips. They kissed softly, as Xander slowly slipped out of Spike’s body and then turned Spike to face him, leaning their foreheads together.

“So, would you say that was a shower then a fuck? Or did we completely miss the shower part?” Xander asked with a smile.

Spike chuckled, “I ‘d say we showered,” and then added, “at least there was shampoo involved.”

Xander laughed and turned the faucet off and they both stepped out of the tub.


They dodged through the crowd as they made their way down the busy New York street. They’d already eaten, shopped and saw the sights that Xander insisted they visit, before Spike grabbed his hand and dragged him to the small corner shop. Xander looked up and read the sign.

“Uh, Spike? What are we doing here?”

Spike gave his usual smirk and wiggled his eyebrows. “C’mon.” He grabbed Xander’s wrist and lead him into the parlor.

Xander looked around at the pictures adorning the place and the variety of clients sitting along the wall. His eyes widened when he glanced at the man behind the counter. Brown hair spiked at the ends, blue eyes the color of sapphires and lips any man would want to nibble on. What shocked him was the amount of tattoos and piercings adorning the man’s body.

“Uh, Spike?” he repeated.

Spike leaned forward and kissed him. “Wait here, luv.” He walked away and left Xander standing in the middle of the room. Xander watched as Spike talked to the man behind the counter and then returned, pulling him into the corner. “Have a seat. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“What the fuck are you doing, Spike? Are you getting a tattoo?!”

Spike grinned from ear to ear. “Nope, something a whole lot better. I promise you’ll like it.”

Xander reluctantly sat down and watched Spike disappear through a door leading toward the back of the parlor. Twenty minutes later, he was back, paying the man in front and bouncing on his feet toward Xander. Spike was all smiles as he led Xander out of the tattoo shop and back onto the street.

Xander stopped and stared with his hands on his hips. “Well? Let me see.”

Spike snickered and pushed his tongue out, showing off the small silver ball poking through the center.

Xander breathed a sigh. “Oh, fuck that’s hot.”

“You like?” Spike asked, clicking it against his teeth.

“Oh, I definitely like.”

Spike moved closer, brushing his lips against Xander’s ear. “You ever been tongued by someone with a ring, Xan?”

Xander shook his head, shivering at the thought of what the studded tongue would feel like against his cock.

“Good. I’ll show you exactly why I got it when it heals up a bit.”

“Tonight, right?!”

Spike leaned in and kissed him. “Patience, pet. Might try in a day or so… Promise it’ll be worth the wait.”


Xander sat back against the headboard of the bed and watched while Spike got ready to leave.

“You sure you’re okay with this? I could just stay here.”

“It’s alright, Spike. I understand,” Xander answered, gripping the pillow he was holding tighter against his chest.

“Buffy’s mum invited me.”

“I know. You don’t have to explain it again.”

Spike sat down, moving closer. “You know it’s not for Buffy. The only reason I said yes was so that it would give me a chance to talk to her. I want to get it done.”

Xander nodded. “That’s why you need to go. I’ll be fine. Just let me sulk in peace, okay?”

Spike kissed him and stood up. “The house is yours, pet. Do what you want. There’s beer in the fridge, don’t pout too much and I’ll be home soon.”

“You’re sure I won’t have company? Someone like… your dad, maybe?”

Spike reached for Xander’s hand and pulled him to his feet. “The bastard has a room at the office. He’ll stay there. Was surprised we saw him at all when he showed up yesterday.”

“Alright. Go… do your thing. I’ll be waiting when you get back.”

Xander followed Spike down the stairs and walked him to the door. They kissed one last time and he closed the door as Spike left.

Part Twenty-Five

Thanks to [info]darkhavens for the read through!

“Have some more, William. You’re too thin. I can tell you’re not taking care of yourself.”

Buffy rolled her eyes at her stepmother and continued picking at the salad on her plate. “Would you leave him alone? He’ll eat if he’s hungry.” She smiled in Spike’s direction and moved her fingers to his lap to lace them through his.

Hank nodded, agreeing with Buffy. “So where’s Ethan tonight? You’d think he’d be spending as much time as he can with you seeing as you rarely make it home these days.”

Spike shrugged. “Office I s’pose. Not really seeing eye to eye on some things as of late.”

“I know he can be hard to take sometimes. Bad enough in business, I couldn’t imagine being family. He cares about you though, and I’m sure he means well.”

A chill ran down the base of his spine and Spike’s gaze drifted to his plate, refusing to add to the discussion for fear of saying too much.

“You’re gonna have to learn to get along for the sake of the company.”

Spike’s brow rose. Always the company. “Is that why you’re considering pulling out? Because of Ethan?”

Hank’s head rose in confusion as he dropped his fork onto his plate. “Pulling out? Why would I want to do that?”

Spike shook his head. “Don’t know. He told me sometime ago that you weren’t too happy and that you were thinking about leaving the company.”

“Well, Ethan and I don’t always see eye to eye either. We have different business practices. He likes to wine, dine and pull favors, while I like the business to be the key to selling a client. Even so, William, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve invested a lot here. I don’t know where he would have gotten that from.”

Spike took a sip from his glass and replaced it onto the table. “Was just something he said.” To keep me with Buffy.

“So, where’s Xander? I thought he came to New York with you,” Buffy asked, changing the subject.

Spike’s eyes rose from his plate and looked around at the expectant faces. “Wasn’t feeling well.”

“That’s a shame,” Willow whined from across the table. “I was hoping he’d come. Did you find out for sure if he has a girlfriend or not?”

Spike coughed and took another drink. “Yeah. Sorry, Red, but he’s with someone.”

“Like I said before, they’re either taken or gay,” Buffy mused with a smile.

Spike almost choked at the comment and then quickly hid his reaction with a subtle cough.

“Buffy!” her mother scolded.

“What?” she chuckled.


Xander sat in front of the large, plasma screened television with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other. He’d flipped through every channel, mindlessly watching the images, but couldn’t stick to just one. He was restless, waiting for Spike, anxious to find out how the evening went with Buffy. If things worked out the way Xander hoped, Spike would come walking through the door very soon, hurrying him up the stairs where they’d fuck mercilessly in celebration. If things worked out. Or, Spike could show up, disappointed that he’d broken Buffy’s heart and blame Xander for making him choose between them in the first place. He conveniently dismissed the last thought and decided to do something to take his mind off the waiting.

Throwing the remote onto the couch, he stood and meandered to the collection of DVD’s adorning the far wall. After sifting through them and deciding a movie wasn’t on his agenda for the evening, he glanced around at the large, empty room. Xander eyed the small bar in the corner and smiled. A drink was exactly what he needed.

After pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels, he flopped back onto the couch and continued pushing buttons on the remote control. He finally stopped flipping when he found an old episode of Star Trek. Lying back with the glass in his hand, he heard the click of the key in the front door. Xander glanced at the clock hanging on the far wall, trying to decide if Spike could possibly be back already and then froze when he heard the footsteps in the foyer. It wasn’t the familiar sound of Spike’s heavy boots, but the noise of dress shoes hitting the wooden floor. He tried to scrunch down, hoping he wouldn’t be noticed, but it was too late. Ethan walked into the room and stood behind the sofa, staring at him with cold, dark eyes.

“Where’s William?”

Xander tipped the glass to his lips and took a sip. The instant he’d seen Ethan, the anger toward the older man surged forward and it was all he could do to remain calm.

“Out,” he answered abruptly.

Ethan frowned and slid his hands into his pants pockets. “I don’t suppose I need to introduce myself.”

“No, I know exactly who you are.” what you are The words spit out like venom and then Xander’s attention focused away from Ethan and back onto the large television screen. He felt his heart racing, but he refused to be intimidated.

“So, let’s have a look at you, shall we?” Ethan stepped around the sofa to stand in front of Xander, blocking his view across the room, forcing his eyes on him. He slowly scrolled the length of Xander’s body. “Hmm. He likes pretty boys, does he?”

Xander’s eyes narrowed in anger, but again, he forced it back down. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

Ethan laughed, turned around and headed for the bar. “That’s where you’re wrong, boy,” he corrected, pouring himself a drink.

“How’s that?”

“I’m fairly certain you’ve been fucking my son in my house. That makes it my business.” He didn’t look up as he spoke, choosing instead to stare into the glass he held in his hand.

Xander shifted uncomfortably in his seat, swirled the cubes of ice in his own glass and took another long sip. “How do you figure me fucking your son is any of your business?”

Ethan’s laugh took on a sinister tone as he walked toward the sofa and back to Xander. “I personally think you’re the one who’s turned my William into a full-fledged faggot. He made no show to deny it. I’m running a business here and some of my clients may look down on that sort of thing. That’s what makes it my business.”

“Yeah. I know all about the kind of business you’re running.”

“What are you getting at, boy?”

“I’m not getting at anything. I’m blatantly saying that you and your clients can go fuck yourselves.”

Ethan frowned and his eyes narrowed in anger. He reached down and gripped Xander’s shirt by the collar, pulling him up from the couch. “You will not disrespect me in my house. You think you know everything? You don’t know a bloody thing about me.”

Xander shoved Ethan away. “I know you’re a child molesting bastard who gets off on selling his own son and then saying it’s for the good of the company. So don’t come in here on your high horse, wearing your Armani suit, trying to throw your weight around and telling me about what I can and can’t do with my boyfriend behind closed doors.”

Ethan’s expression of surprise hid nothing. His jaw dropped and his eyes widened in horror.

“So you see, Ethan… I know a lot more than you think I do.”

“I don’t know what kind of lies he’s been filling your head with, but I would never hurt my son.”

“Don’t you dare stand there and try to deny this you fucker. Do you know how hard it was for Spike to finally admit it to someone?! To finally bring it out in the open what a sick fuck you really are?! I don’t think he would lie about all the things you did to him.”

Ethan slowly turned around, returned to the bar and refilled his glass. When he faced Xander again, his expression was neutral and unfeeling. “The thing you need to learn about William is that he’s always made up gruesome stories like this just to get attention.”

“And why exactly would I believe that?”

“I love my son. I would never hurt him like that. I tried hard to help him. Got him the best counseling money could buy but it still wasn’t enough. He was so deep into his drug use and whoring around, it got to the point where I didn’t know what to do. That’s why I finally sent him away. I knew his reputation was going to start hurting the company. He started making a deviant of himself, coming onto the clients… flaunting himself. That’s why I gave him his mum’s building… so he could be in control of something and hopefully be able to find his own identity. I really hoped LA would be good for him. I can see now that nothing’s changed.”

“How long did it take you to practice that little speech?”

“Believe what you want, but I have no secrets to hide. The only problem William has with me is that I didn’t coddle him. I didn’t give in to his tantrums and I tried to dig him out of the mess he got himself into. I did what any father would do for his son.”

“Oh, yeah. Chalk one up for fatherly love,” Xander hissed sarcastically.

“Call it what you want to. I’m sure he told you about his share of the company? His inheritance?”

“Yeah. He mentioned it.”

Ethan downed his drink and sat the empty glass onto the bar. “Well I’m telling you right now, just so my intentions are clear. William will never gain control of this company as long as he’s parading his “boyfriend” around for the whole world to see. Whether it’s you or someone else’s arse he’s shagging, I won’t let him destroy what I’ve created. I’ve sacrificed everything to make this business successful and I’d rather sell it off than see him ruin it.”

“Is that a threat?”

“I don’t threaten. I tell it how it is. I’d think long and hard about what you’re getting yourself into. If William’s not careful, he’s going to end up with nothing. Could you live with yourself if you were the cause of that?” As he spoke, Ethan was rounding the sofa, moving toward the door. “And as far as what you do behind closed doors? Remember, the walls have eyes.”

Ethan smirked one last time, opened the front door and disappeared outside.

Xander collapsed onto the couch, exhaling the breath he felt he’d been holding forever. What if? Ethan almost had him convinced. Almost. What if he’d been telling the truth? It did make sense with some of Spike’s recent behavior. But then again, what Spike had told him made a lot of sense, too. Xander sighed and shook his head in frustration. What he needed was proof. Something to convince himself that Ethan was lying. Then again, Spike wouldn’t lie to him. At least he didn’t think he would. Why was he even having this conversation in his head? Guilt came knocking when he scolded himself for being the worst boyfriend ever. He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his temples while trying to devise a plan.


They were sitting on the porch after they’d finished dinner and said goodnight to Buffy’s parents. Spike and Buffy sat together swinging gently on the porch swing while Willow sat across from them in the small, green lounge chair. After a bit of casual conversation, Spike turned toward Willow.

“Mind if I talk to Buffy for a little while?”

She smiled. “I was wondering how long it would be before you two kicked me out. Can’t exactly get all groiny with someone watching you… I mean, I guess you could if that’s really what you’re into… but not me, cuz I would never want to…”

“Will?” Buffy said, snapping her friend out of her babbling.

“Sorry. I’m just gonna… “ She pointed toward the door and stood up. “I’ll see ya later.”

Spike nodded and reached for his cigarette pack. He pulled one out, slid it between his lips, lit it and inhaled deep.

They sat in silence for a few long minutes, Spike smoking, Buffy fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt, both knowing this was more than just needing private time.

So, what’s up?” Buffy asked quietly.

He took a deep breath, tossed the finished butt and immediately lit another. He blew out a puff of smoke and turned to her. “Don’t know exactly how to say this, pet.”

She reached across to rest her hand on his knee and rubbed gentle circles with her thumb. “It’s okay. Just say it.”

Just say it. Okay. “Buffy, I don’t think this thing is working out between us.” There, done. Sudden relief hit him the moment the words escaped his lips.

She sat still, staring down as they swung. Spike gave her time and continued to focus on nothing more than inhaling and exhaling. Just the basics. When the swing stopped rocking, he expected the worst, but listened when she began to speak.

“I know.”

“You know?” Not the reaction he expected.

“I’ve known for a long time. Your heart just wasn’t there.”


“It’s really okay, Spike. We’ve just grown apart, we have different interests now. It’s not like it used to be in the beginning, you know? I don’t know when exactly, or what, but something between us changed. I used to know you. I used to be able to tell exactly what you were thinking. Now, we just seem like strangers.” She paused and then met his eyes.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I think I was kinda hoping maybe it was just me. That things would eventually go back to the way they used to be.”

“Buffy, I never meant for you to feel that way.”

“I was just waiting, hoping one day when I said ‘I love you’, you’d be able to tell me you loved me too.”

“You knew how I felt.”

“Did I? At first, I think you loved me, in your own way. But you were never in love with me.”

“If it was so bad, why’d you stay? Why didn’t you just tell me to piss off?” He stood up and began pacing, stopping to lean against the rail on the other side of the porch, facing away from her.

Buffy stood and walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Because I was taught never to walk away from someone if you really care about them.”

Spike turned around in her arms and leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers.

“Buffy, I’m sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I wish with all my heart I could tell you I love you, but I can’t pretend and I know I’m never gonna be the man you want me to be.”

She placed her finger against his lips. “Shh. It’s okay.” She moved in closer, pulling her finger away and kissed him softly.

“Buffy, I don’t think this…”

“Don’t think. If this is the way it’s gonna end, will you give me something else to remember? Just be with me one last time,” she pleaded.

Spike closed his eyes for just a moment. Just long enough to see a brief flash of Xander’s large smile. Fuck, what was he doing? After the past couple of days, after everything they’d shared, was he really considering this?

He glanced down at Buffy, staring at him with hope and longing. One last time. Maybe it would be enough to lessen the guilt he was feeling for hurting her. He could do this for her, with her, make her happy and Xander would never have to know. Spike nodded, leaned in and caught her lips as his arms wrapped around, pulling her tighter to him.

Without speaking, she pulled back and grabbed his hand, leading him back inside and up the stairs to her bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

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