Discoveries


by
Tgray



Part Eleven

Xander was aware of Spike's unusually quiet demeanor and wondered idly if he was having second thoughts. The blond had pushed passed them into the apartment, thrown the brown bag onto the counter, grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and parked himself noisily on the sofa. There he'd sat for the last half hour, flipping through television channels, pointing and gesturing when needed while Angel and Xander began unpacking the boxes they'd brought in.

Xander walked from the closet, after hanging clothes on the side Spike allotted as 'his side' and stopped in front of the couch.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Not a buggerin' thing, Harris."

"Figured you'd help."

Spike craned his neck toward Angel, then back again. "Looks like you have it taken care of."

Xander sighed, slumped his shoulders and returned to the other side of the room. He caught Angel's eyes and shrugged, both men remaining silent.



Finally, the boxes were empty and broken down for disposal. Xander glanced around at the apartment full of his belongings and it all seemed surreal. He was living with Spike. After only a week of meeting this man, his life, with help from his father was turned completely upside down and ass backward. He walked to the refrigerator and reached for the handle but found himself pushed firmly against the counter instead, Angel's body against his, pinning him roughly in place.

"Let the games begin," he heard, spoken connivingly into his ear. Hands reached around to grasp his stomach, while a warm breath on the side of his neck caused the shorthairs to stand on edge. Xander twirled, turning his body to face the larger man's. Angel locked onto his lips, plunging deep inside, his tongue desperate - hungry. A moan escaped him when a hand slipped behind to knead his ass, and the other grabbed fiercely at his lower back, pulling their bodies closer together.

The sound of a cough shook them out of their reverie. "I'm going out."

Xander pushed away, a picture of embarrassment painted brightly on his face when he found Spike standing behind them.

"Your key's on the end table."

"I thought we were gonna celebrate. You know, moving in? Roomies?" He felt Angel's hand still wrapped tightly around his waist and felt awkward from the intimate touch in front of Spike.

"Maybe later. A band cancelled so we've got a gig tonight."

"Oh! Mind if we tag along?" Xander turned his attention to Angel, his eyes lit up at the thought of seeing Spike back on stage. "You should see his band. They're good. I mean really, really good."

Spike shrugged. "Don't know how late I'll be after. You should take your own car." He picked up his duster lying across the chair and slid into it. "You know the way, Harris. Same place as last time."

"Yeah, okay." Xander replied, his excitement deflating by the casualness in Spike's tone.

"Well. I'm off then."


The two men watched him exit the apartment.

"What was that all about?" Xander asked, slipping away from Angel's embrace.

"Seems your new roommate's a bit jealous."

"Spike? I don't think that's possible."

"We'll see after tonight then, won't we?"

"What's tonight?"

"Part two of the plan."


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


Xander and Angel arrived at the small club before most of the other patrons began to fill the room. They chose a small table in the corner but close to the stage and ordered a couple of drinks while they waited. Angel scooted closer, resting his hand on the back of Xander's chair and fiddled with the curls tapering down the brunet's neck.

"You need to relax and enjoy it, alright?"

Xander, not understanding, glanced at Angel just as the lights went down. He turned back around as the first band appeared onstage to the whoops and hollers of the crowd. They played their set with the audience cheering them on. The two men used the opportunity to keep the beer flowing, downing several mugs between them. By the time Spike appeared on the stage in front of them, Xander was buzzed and happily whistling out his appreciation.

Back in the leather attire, Spike worked the crowd and exploded into rock star mode. Two songs in and he chanced a look in the direction of the corner. Xander was straddling his chair, leaning backward against Angel, bopping steadily to the beat of the music. Hands were around his waist, rubbing, petting... The man behind him leaned in to whisper into his ear and Xander's face broke out in a large grin.

Spike's temperature rose. Seeing Angel touching Xander, caressing him in a blatantly obvious attempt at claiming him, the blond moved their direction and began his own form of competition. As he wickedly gyrated his hips, belting out tune after tune, he began to make love to the shrieking audience. Playing into the seduction of the crowd he flirted mercilessly with the women who'd pushed themselves against the stage, blowing kisses and gesturing obscenities, making them scream with every twitch of his finger.

Still, his eyes wandered to the corner, to the men barely paying attention to the show.

"Don't watch him, Xander. Close your eyes and imagine him seducing you with that voice. His hands touching you, making you hard."

Xander did as he was told, ignoring everyone else who might see them and pushed back further against Angel.

"He's watching you, trying to pretend he doesn't notice us, but he does. Trying to act like he wants those girls, making them want him... but we know what he really wants, don't we?"



Xander grinned, his eyes wandering and meeting Spike's for a moment and yes, Angel was right, they were being watched. Sideways through thick, dark lashes but the blue eyes turned away as soon as they locked stares. Xander closed his own again and pictured Spike’s eyes burning into him. He could get lost in the crystal blue orbs if only they could admit what they both wanted. He felt Angel's hand rubbing lower, tickling along his hipbone, coming to rest on his upper thigh. A thumb reached out and swiped the material of his khakis, grazing the head of his hardened flesh pushing its way forward at the zipper.



"All those girls thinking they actually have a chance..."

Xander moaned as the thumb applied just a little more pressure, this time sliding down the length outlined against his inner thigh.

"But we know it's not soft curves he wants. Spike wants a cock in his hand and a tight ass he can bury himself deep inside of."

Angel pulled the table closer, hiding the view from anyone who might notice and casually flipped the button on Xander's pants. The zipper followed, tooth-by-tooth pushed down until he was free to reach his hands inside moistened boxers, finding the stiff, leaking erection.

"Mmm, I like what he does to you. Just the thought of him fucking you makes you so hard, doesn't it?"

Xander's breathing sped up and his tongue darted out to wet dry lips.

"Now watch him, look at him." The hand moved steadily now, pumping the hardness to full life. Xander's eyes were dark, fixed on the blond still moving catlike on the stage, prowling his victims with his sensuality. "By the time we're done, he'll be begging for it."

Xander began to arch his back, trying to thrust unnoticeably into the hand wrapped around him, yet knowing they were in a public place and not able to go that far.

"And he knows exactly what we're doing. Can you see him? Watching?"

And Xander did. Felt Spike's eyes on him, through him. And he leaned further into Angel, enjoying the game.

Spike tried to concentrate. Tried to remember the words to the songs he'd sung a million times, but seeing with his own eyes what Xander was allowing became distracting. He avoided that side of the stage, focusing on what he was here for. The audience that loved him, paid to see him… wanted him. He purposely avoided the sight of the hand that had disappeared under the table. Avoided the look on Xander’s face he knew too well from the times he had been the cause of it. He ended the set as always and with the sound of cheers filling the room, quickly disappeared behind the curtain without another glance.
Angel chuckled as he buttoned and zipped. "Yep, plan two, I'd say, was a complete success."

Xander shifted in his seat uncomfortably, hard and desperate, hating the plan already.

"I'll be back," Angel whispered, sliding his chair back to stand up.

"Where are you going?"

"Time for me and your buddy Spike to have a little chat."

Xander's eyes widened. "No, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"What, I'm just gonna up the pot a little bit. Remind him of what he's missing, so to speak."

Angel disappeared before Xander had a chance to argue, slipping behind the stage in search of the blond singer.





Part Twelve

Spike waited for everyone else to clear out from the practice area before he sat down, resting his head in his hands, trying to calm his jealous emotions. He envisioned the scene again. Xander and Angel, playing, touching, whispering. He stood up, gritting his teeth, his jaw locked tightly in place and kicked the chair against the wall. He spotted his duster in the corner, gave a thought to it, took a step and stopped. He contemplated the vial hidden in the pocket, the vial Angel had left with him after the club...

He slid his hands in the pockets of the leather pants he still wore and leaned back to stretch the tensed muscles in his neck. He stared at a spot on the ceiling for a moment and then found the coat again. Another step closer.

"At least I know your name now."

Fuck. He stood without turning. "Good on you then."

Angel laughed. "Still trying to play the bad ass, huh? Well, I've seen your weakness and it's a young stud muffin with an ass of steel. Not so tough when it comes to him, are you?"

Spike spun around, glaring at the taller man who was slowly approaching him.

"What the bloody hell are you doing with him?"

Angel smiled wretchedly. "Fucking him, actually. But I thought you'd figured that one out on your own."

Spikes shoulders rose from the tension building and his fists clenched inside his pockets. "What's your game, Angel?"

"No game, Spike... unless you want it to be. Really, you need to tone down the whole possessive thing you've got going on. Xander deserves better than that."

"Xander's a big boy. Think he can decide for himself, mate."

"Yeah? Well I'm thinking he's already decided considering he spent the better part of his day yesterday sucking my cock." A smirk appeared. "Besides, the way I hear it, you have a girlfriend. Seems to me you should worry a little more about her and a little less about what, or who, Xander's doing."

"Just looking out for his best interest is all." Spike turned his back, sliding his fingers through his hair and walked this time without hesitation to his coat, sliding into it, reaching into the pocket for a cigarette.

"His? Or yours?"

Spike cocked an eyebrow and lit the fag, turning back to the other man. "Why are you here?"

"Came to watch the show."

"That right? Think you missed most of it."

Angel's smirk widened into a sinister smile. "Found something needing some attention."

"Uh huh." Spike sauntered over to the couch and sat with a sprawl, trying to remain casual.

"And Xander seemed not to mind."

Blue eyes locked onto brown ones. "You're just playing with him."

"No, I would say that's what you're doing."

Spike blew out a long air of smoke and bit his lip in thought. "How's that?"

Angel stepped closer, judging Spike's reaction and then moved to sit beside him. "I've figured it out. You like to have what you want, when you want it. That's okay, that's cool. Can't say I'm any different. I like a good fuck as much as the next guy, but we both know when a fuck's just a fuck, right?"

Spike didn't move to answer. His nostrils flared in silent anger as the finished butt was stomped out on the floor beneath his boot.

"But Xander... he's different. He's not like you and me. He actually has this absurd thought that you could really care about him. And from what I see, you're not really doing anything to correct his assumption."

"None of your bloody business, is it then?"

”Maybe not. But when you accuse me of playing games, I feel the need to point out the obvious; I’m fucking him. You’re not. And that pisses you off.” Angel was almost in his face now, looming over him, challenging.

Spike laughed. A cold and sinister laugh that said he knew something Angel did not. "Bet he doesn't know what a whore you are, does he?"

"He doesn't know I fucked you. Is that what you're worried about?"

Dead silence. The air immediately felt stale and dry. Spike glared as Angel casually shrugged, reaching over into his space and into the pocket of his duster. He pulled out the vial filled with white powder and held it between them.

"Somehow, I knew you'd still have this." He stared long and hard at the object in his hand. "Fucking ride we were on, huh? Oh, and if I'd known how choosy you are about who tops you, I wouldn't have settled for bending you over that sofa. I would have taken you home and fucked you ten ways from Sunday."

"You're a sodding piece of work, aren't you? Do you really think you've got the balls to fuck with me?"

"Oh, if it's a question of balls..." Angel made a deliberate show of noticing just that, his eyes traveling down Spike's stomach to rest on the crotch of the leather pants.

"Hey! I was wondering where you guys ran off to!"

Spike and Angel both shifted, the vial being tossed between the cushions as they both turned to see Xander leaning in the doorway.

"I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

Angel stood up quickly, looking very much like the wolf that’d just eaten the sheep, but hid it subtly when he reached Xander. "Just found out we have a few things in common. Sorry, didn't mean to leave you sitting out there for so long..." Angel leaned in and kissed his lips.

"It's okay, but I have to tell ya, I almost left with the waitress. She was really cute."

Angel and Spike both frowned until Xander smiled.

"Yeah, okay. You guys are way too serious."

Immediate relief and Angel was nuzzling at his neck, laughing between nibbles. "You're right! Not time for serious! I say you and me hit the Backroom for a little dancing. You up for it?"

Xander quirked an eyebrow and flashed his eyes toward Spike. If eyes were knives, the razor sharp look he received would have cut him in two.

"Oh yeah. I'm up for anything."

"Well then, what are we waiting for?"

Angel grabbed his hand and began pulling him from the room, down the stairs, past the people loitering in the hallway waiting for a glimpse of the blond rock star.

"What about Spike?" Xander asked, trying to slow up.

"Something tells me we'll be seeing Spike. I wouldn't worry too much about that."

And Angel knew they would. A challenge had been laid on the table and he knew the other man wasn't about to give in. If it wasn't his imagination, he'd seen the monster erection Spike was sporting during their confrontation, almost matching his own. He'd gotten off on the challenge, the manly show of testosterone just as Angel had hoped he would. The showdown he masterminded was nearing and would be very interesting indeed.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


It didn't take Spike very long to arrive at the bar. He'd signed some autographs, made excuses to his hoard of beloved fans and slipped unseen out the back. His thoughts were focused solely on Xander and Angel. He couldn't deny the hardness pulsing between his legs. As much as the big ape had pissed him off, his adrenaline was pumping and the blood was causing an utterly painful erection, trapped inside the tight leather. He shifted in his seat, tried to alleviate the discomfort but knew there was only one way to make that happen. He put his foot heavier on the pedal and decided to drive a little faster.

Angel and Xander were already poised in a desolate corner of the room, their bodies pressed together, their lips swollen and red from hungry kisses. The atmosphere was sweltering, the room foggy with pheromones. Barely lit, enough to cast a dim shadow upon the bodies bound tightly together in the masses, Angel kept persistent glances toward the small doorway, waiting for a glimpse of blond and leather, not disappointed when Spike appeared in the entrance.


"Just in time," he whispered.

Xander's head rose when Angel nodded in the other direction and smiled. His pupils dilated from the two joints they'd shared in the car, Xander caught the sight and licked his lips. "Mmmm, Spike," he offered lazily. His hands found Angel’s tight buttocks, squeezing playfully, pulling their groins closer together.

"You okay, Xander?"

"Fuckin' stoned." He pushed his leg between Angel's and brought his knee up to brush the underside of covered balls, hearing a deep moan escape wet lips. "Wanna go somewhere and fuck?"

"I think that can be arranged," Angel answered, sliding his hand over a white polo shirt, gripping to pull it out of the waistband of loose, casual khakis to push inside, his finger dipping between firm butt cheeks. His eyes fell on the Spike, pushing through the crowd, swaggering, full of intent. His lips brushed softly over Xander’s cheek, his tongue caressing the path to his ear where he finally stopped.

"You ever been fucked by two men, Xander?"

Xander, in a moment of complete naivety, looked up and smiled. "Been fucked by a lot of men." He let out a giggle and buried his head against the large, muscular chest.

Angel smiled. "I bet you have, sweet morsel like you."


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


Spike sauntered through the crowd of men, searching... a beer bottle tightly gripped in his hand. He eyed the stairs to the balcony and took them two at a time until he reached the top. Through the haze, his eyes scanned the bodies below, finally resting on two beautiful dark-headed men in the corner. He sipped his beer and watched, angered and at the same time intrigued by the sight of Angel and Xander together. They swayed to the music, limbs intertwined, rubbing and feeling... and then Angel's hand went unseen below the other man's waistband. Spike bit back his frustration and drank half the bottle, never taking his eyes off of them.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


Angel was aware of Spike standing, leaning against the balcony rails. He was aware of lethal eyes on him as he kissed Xander's lips, down his neck, over his collarbone until the boy was moaning with need. Xander was rubbing his raging hard on against the bone of his hip, searching for the friction he needed to alleviate some of the pressure. Angel pointedly found Spike's eyes, not sure if the blond could see him through the haze and smirked when he noticed the frown appear on Spike's lips. The brunet licked his lips, moved down onto his knees and unbuttoned Xander's tan khakis. When finally released, he took the swollen purple head of Xander's cock between his lips and sucked it in, rimming it with his tongue.

Spike watched. Watched as Angel used Xander to toy with him, completely aware of his ulterior motive. As Angel began working the large cock, Xander's head flew back, a look of complete pleasure shadowing his face. The sight of the erection being swallowed between wanting lips made Spike's own cock swell against the leather trapping it in place. At that moment, he forgot his jealous anger and wanted nothing more than to join the two men. He closed his eyes and pictured Xander's face, contorted in the pleasure of orgasm. He swallowed his beer, pushed away from the rail and headed down the steps in a hurried pace.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


"You look luscious, pet."

Xander's head lulled to the side, reaching around to seek out the face behind him.

"Spike."

"You know I couldn't stay away from you."

Xander smiled and wobbled, gripping Angel's hair between his fingers to keep himself steady as the other man continued to caress his cock.

"You high, Xan?"

"Fuck yeah. You?"

Spike shook his head. "Not yet," he answered, holding up the small vial of coke. He opened the lid and scooped a small amount, snorting it quickly. He took another bit, holding it up to Xander's nostril and watched as the other man inhaled. After a twist of the top, the vial disappeared back into the duster pocket.

Spike moved against Xander's backside pressing leather against bare skin, his hands rubbing the length of the boy's arms, gripping him firmly at the elbows. Xander leaned his head back against Spike's shoulder, closing his eyes to concentrate on the delicious throbbing in his cock.

"I was getting so hard watching him suck you off," Spike whispered softly, allowing his eyes to wander down to the man on his knees.

A slight moan and Xander pushed back against the object digging into his ass. "I like it when you're hard."

Spikes hands left Xander's arms and traveled down, sneaking underneath the material of the man's shirt to rest on his hips, gripping, squeezing... He began thrusting against him as if they were fucking, causing Xander's body to rock forward into Angel's awaiting mouth.

"Oh fuck, that's... oh God," Xander babbled. Just as he was teetering on the edge of eruption, Angel stopped and stood up to the sound of Xander's quiet complaint, licking his lips free of the taste of the man's cock. He locked eyes with Spike. "I was hoping you'd come to play."

"Best way to keep an eye on you, innit?"

"I couldn't agree more." Angel roughly grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him closer, stealing his lips in a needy kiss. Spike fought for a moment, then gave in to the warm tongue searching his own.

"Um, guys?"

They pulled away, shared a knowing look and both lunged for Xander at the same time. Angel dove into his mouth, successfully quieting him, while Spike's hands snaked around his bare hips to grip tightly on the neglected cock. One hand caressed his balls, circling and squeezing as the other stroked firmly along the length of Xander's shaft.

Angel pulled away, stepped back and dug into his pocket. "Want to really get this party started?" He pulled out a handful of capsules. "A little E and head over to your place?"

Spike's attention faltered from Xander's cock. With a shift of his eyebrow, he helped himself to a single capsule and swallowed it dry. He reached for another, holding it up to Xander's mouth.

"I've never taken Ecstacy before."

"Open up then, Xan. You'll love it."

Angel grinned as Spike placed the drug on Xander's tongue and watched as it disappeared. He swallowed his own and shoved the rest away for later. "Something tells me we'd better leave before we break a few rules." He began fumbling with Xander's pants, trying to refasten them over a protruding erection. "So, your place?"

Both men nodded and the trio couldn't exit the club fast enough.





Part Thirteen

With Angel insisting that Xander ride back to the apartment with him, Spike felt the pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach and tried to swallow it down. Once they made it outside the club, he waited until Angel was inside the car and pointedly threw his arms around Xander, hugging their bodies tightly together, running his fingers along the curve of his back, down to the waistband of his pants.

"Do something for me, Xan?"

Xander was trying desperately to hook onto Spike's lips, watching them with his eyes as the other man spoke.

"Hmm?"

"Hands off 'til we're home, okay?"

Xander smiled. "You're not jealous, are you?" He reached out and cupped the bulging leather. “You really don’t have any reason to be.”

Spike's eyes darkened and his mouth opened to accept the other man's greedy lips. "Mmm."

"Would it help if I said I've thought about you every time he was inside me? When he was fucking me? Wanting it to be you?"

"Doesn't hurt."

Xander left the wonderment of Spike's cock to smooth the blond hair falling against the nape of the other man's neck, leaving his hands to rest there. He leaned in, his forehead resting against Spike’s and sighed, a sound that implied a world of longing. "Tonight is about fucking. I get that. But tomorrow..." Xander raised his eyes, focusing on the blue ones already staring at him. “Tomorrow we need to talk, you and me for real.”



Spike bit his lip and nodded in agreement, then turned his attention to the man sitting impatiently inside the car. “Angel’s waiting for you.”



“No, Angel’s waiting for you. I just figured it out, but I see the way he looks at you… the way he wants you. He was just using me.”



“Xan…”



“It’s okay, Spike. I can’t say I blame him.” Xander ran his hands slow and seductive down the plains of the muscular back, finding the tight, round ass, giving it a squeeze. “This has been my fantasy since I met you.”



“Do you want to fuck me, Xan?”



“Hell, Spike. I was so wrong before. I’ll take anything you’ll give me. Just don’t tell me we can’t do this anymore.” He met warm lips for another kiss, deepening the intensity once their tongues met, circling and dueling for control.

Spike pulled away and pushed Xander's body off, shoving him in the other direction. "Go. I'll be right behind you."

Xander whimpered, not wanting the contact to end, feeling an overwhelming closeness to Spike. He wanted to stay there with him, wrapped around him. He always wanted to fuck him, but right now he felt content just to sit and talk, to hold and pet the other man for as long as he’d have him. If this was the effect of Ecstasy, he wanted enough for a daily dose.

True to his word and to Angel's objections, Xander remained on his side of the car all the way home.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


No sooner did the door slide open before three men were hungrily intertwined, hands gripping bodies, lips finding other lips, the sounds of panting and heavy breathing echoing in the open loft.

"Fuck, I need a shower," Spike complained, pulling his shirt over his head. "Find something to keep yourselves busy, yeah?"

Angel let go of Spike's waist and turned his attention to the younger man. "Oh, I can keep him busy. Take real good care of him while you're gone."

Spike met Xander's eyes, nodding approval when it seemed permission was silently being asked. As long as he was around, Xander’s pleasure, whether from Angel or himself was all that mattered. Letting his jealousy subside, he decided if Xander wanted it, Angel could have his fun. He left them, stripping the rest of his clothes on the way to the shower stall.

Angel wasted no time in ridding the brunet of all his garments, admiring his naked body as Xander stood proudly hard in front of him. He smiled when his own shirt was quickly unbuttoned and pushed down his arms. "I'm gonna make you forget about Spike." Xander's brow rose. "For a few minutes, anyway," Angel added with a coy smile.

Angel's pants were soon to follow, leaving him naked and just as erect as the man in front of him. He moved in closer, easing their cocks together. With one hand, he enclosed both organs, rubbing up and down hardened flesh, mixing their leaking fluids to make the glide smoother. The other hand pulled Xander by the back of the neck into a deep, wet kiss making him moan in excitement. "Hell with the foreplay, I just want to fuck you," Angel remarked.

Another moan and Angel was leading them backward into the living room area of the apartment.

"Condoms?" he asked, still caressing Xander's body as if he were afraid to let him go.

"Nightstand," came the answer through muffled lips swollen from kissing.

Angel smirked. "I want you ready and begging when I come back." Angel turned and wandered into the bedroom section of the loft, digging through the drawer until he found the hidden strand of packages and small bottle of lube. By the time he returned, Xander was sitting in the reclining chair, his hand firmly stroking his cock, his eyes wild and intense. Angel followed Xander's gaze and saw the object of appreciation. Spike. Through the glass of the shower stall, he could plainly see the outlining form of the body soaped and wet, hands traveling over arms, legs, solid muscles and rock hard abs.

Angel gripped his cock in his hand, stroking it to full hardness and quickly slid a condom over the jutting length.

"C'mere, Xander," he said, holding out his hand to be taken. He pulled him up and slid behind him into the chair, fussing with the lid to the tube of lube. When he had enough to coat his fingers, he pulled Xander back toward him. Xander attempted to turn, to face him, but Angel held his hips.

"No, keep watching him."

One finger eased its way up the inside of Xander's leg, brushing his balls, circling the puckered hole. With gentle force, Angel pushed in.

"He's perfect, isn't he? His body, the way he moves, the way he talks... that fucking accent. Is that what it is, Xander? Does he talk to you while he's fucking you? His cock filling you up while that voice is getting you off?"

Xander hadn't even realized the second and third fingers entering him, plunging inside and out, stretching him. He began pushing back, fucking himself on Angel's hand, his eyes never leaving the body bending and moving gracefully in the shower. Then the fingers were gone and he was being guided downward, positioned... a moment to align the entrance and then finally breeched. Angel grabbed Xander's hips, forcing his cock deeper inside. Xander spread his legs to either side of Angel's, placing his feet flat on the floor to help the other man rock inside his body. He rose with Angel's help, and then sunk down again, impaling himself on the massive hardness.

"Oh, fuck. That's right, Xander. Use my cock. The more you ride, the harder you make it." Angel leaned back in the recliner so the angle was better for thrusting, rocking his hips, rising up as Xander pushed back. He wanted to reach around, to grab Xander's erection between his fingers, but Xander's position facing the opposite direction kept him from it. He released his hold, grabbing the arms of the chair and leaned his head back against the headrest, turning his eyes toward the shower.

Spike stepped out and half-heartedly ran the towel over his hair, his eyes glossed over at the sight in the chair. Xander's grunts and deep moans had Spike crossing the distance within seconds. The younger man was working his body, back arched, fingernails digging into Angel's legs, almost to the point of drawing blood. Angel sat back up; his cock still imbedded deep inside and stared directly into Spike's eyes.

Spike knelt down, trailing his fingers up the outside of Xander's thighs and came to rest on his hips, gripping firmly. Angel's hands moved to lie on top of his and together they helped to raise and lower Xander's ass, all the way to the tip and then back down to bury the cock inside again. Without warning, Spike bent down and took Xander's erection between his lips.

"Oh holy hell," Xander moaned, trying to thrust into the wet heat but not wanting to lose the feeling of being filled. Spike complied and opened wider, easing the pulsing cock all the way to the back of his throat.

"Fuck, that's nice," Angel purred into Xander's ear. "A huge dick up your ass, having your cock sucked, doesn't get much better does it, Xander? You see how hard he is? Just from watching us?"

Spike licked up the underside, letting his teeth scrape slightly along the skin until he reached the head of Xander's penis. He gathered the pre-cum onto his tongue and swallowed, allowing his voice to hum, the vibration making the entire member twitch and jump. When he heard Xander begin to whimper, he swallowed around his shaft, hollowing his cheeks to add just the right amount of suction.

Xander stilled, his muscles clamping tight around the object buried deep inside, his head thrown back against Angel's shoulder, lolling uncontrollably from side to side. His incoherent babbling turned into words, "fuck, yes, more... " His back arched and his hips began to move again, fucking Spike's mouth in time to Angel's thrusts. With a last cry, streams of milky thickness erupted, the feel of Spike desperately swallowing around his cock sending sparks of light into Xander's line of vision. When the blond head finally lifted, releasing the softening shaft, Xander collapsed back against Angel to catch his breath.

He turned his head and looked up at the larger man. "Fuck, Angel, you didn't come."

"Didn't want to. Not yet."

Angel's eyes found Spike's and glistened with intent. He shuffled, allowing Xander to raise himself up and quickly pulled the empty condom off, throwing it beside the chair. He turned Xander to face him, pushed him down onto his knees and locked onto his lips. "You're ass is so sweet."

Xander moaned, pulled from the warm mouth and in one quick motion lowered his lips to Angel's straining erection. The dark eyes widened and then settled, closing in pleasure. As Xander began working his skilled mouth, he felt Spike's arms sliding up his ribs, around his chest, squeezing and caressing the naked flesh. He felt the warmth as a body molded along his backside, gentle kisses being placed strategically along his upper back and shoulders. Hands ran back down, massaging his hips until they finally reached the globes of his ass, pulling and parting. He felt the wetness as a naked cock was pushed into his crack, not entering but rubbing, leaving moisture in its tracks as Spike tightened the cheeks around his length, using the friction for his own pleasure.

Xander squirmed, wiggling, trying to push against Spike's cock, begging to be breeched. Spike leaned forward. "No, Xan. No condom."

”Gah geh on…” came the reply with a mouthful of Angel's cock.


"Hmm?"

Xander let go long enough to answer again. "Go get a fucking condom." Words said, he was back to work as quickly as he'd stopped. Spike smiled, squeezed the man into a tight embrace and chuckled against him.

"I have a better idea," Angel offered, rising up, pushing Xander's mouth away. "Let's move this." He stood and let both men follow him to the other room, plopping onto the raised bed. "Better?"

Xander crawled up beside and pushed their bodies together, lying halfway on top of Angel as he again dove for the other man's lips. He reached an arm back, looking for Spike and smiled when he felt the bed dip behind him. Spike eased next to Xander, his tongue and lips running alongside his neck, his fingernails trailing down the length of the naked back, feeling goose bumps rising to his touch. Angel turned his head, searching, his hand moving around to pull Spike over to him. Inches apart, Angel took the blond's lips deep, Xander still connected, the three men sharing kisses between them. Hands began frantically searching, grabbing, stroking...until Spike stopped and pulled away.

Xander looked up, afraid they'd done something wrong and found the eyes of a predator staring back at him. Spike was staring as if he wanted to devour him. Xander smiled, moved away from Angel and rolled onto his back, his legs wide. He placed his hands under his knees and pulled them up to his chest. "Is this what you want, Spike?" he asked, wiggling his ass playfully in the air. He could have sworn he'd heard a growl as Spike darted for the nightstand. A package was ripped and Spike returned, swollen and ready. He stood at the end of the bed and grabbed Xander's legs, pulling him to the edge. The height was perfect, allowing him to push straight inside.

"You're still so slick, Xan."

"Was waiting for you."

They both moaned in unison as Spike began slowly easing out, knowing exactly how to angle himself to make Xander's eyes squeeze shut. He watched Angel approach, crawling cat-like down the length of the lean body to take Xander's erection into his mouth. The position was perfect for Xander to do the same and he grabbed Angel's cock dangling above his face, pulling it back to suck the head in.

"Bloody fucking hell," Spike cursed, the sight making him want to fuck Xander into the mattress. He sped his thrusts, pistoning deeply in and out of the tight channel as he watched the two men sucking each other into oblivion. He tangled his hands into Angel's hair, forcing him to raise and lower his mouth on Xander in time to the thrusts of his own cock. "That's it, Angel. Make it good."

Angel stopped, bent his head up to look at Spike and climbed off Xander's body, disappearing from the bed. Xander whined at the lack of stimulation and the loss of the cock in his mouth but closed his eyes to concentrate on the feel of Spike fucking deep inside him. He spread his legs wider, as far as they would go to allow Spike's body to move forward, wanting to feel the soft, wet lips against his. Spike obliged, reaching and succeeding, locking their mouths together. They kissed deeply, exploring each other amidst whispers of want, both needing the closeness, knowing they wanted it to be more than just a fuck. Just as the pleasure began to heighten, Xander opened his eyes when Spike's head suddenly jerked back. He felt Spike's thrusts speed up and heard a loud moan escape the blond’s lips. Xander lay on the bed, his back arching as he erupted, spilling a pool of cum between their bodies. Spike spasmed in orgasm above him until he finally collapsed fully sated against his body. Xander's eyes hazed over, a pained look of betrayal when he realized Angel was standing behind Spike, his cock buried inside him, his lips curled into a devious smirk. He watched as Angel pulled away, the whole time knowing the other man had just found release inside the place Xander desperately wanted to be.

Xander pulled his body out from underneath Spike, glaring as he pushed him away, the thought that he’d let Angel fuck him cutting him deep to the bone. Spike had said he didn't bottom for anyone and never would. The anger spread as Xander acknowledged the fact that Spike had allowed Angel to take the one thing he wanted.

Angel shrugged and opened his mouth. "What's wrong, Xander?" He smiled, the slant of his eyes giving away the evilness in the question. "It's not like I haven't already been there before."





Part Fourteen

Xander shuffled back onto the bed and caught Spike's eyes for just a moment, just long enough to give away the hurt and betrayal hiding behind his own, before he turned away. He quickly rolled off the mattress, ignoring the low chuckling coming from Angel and pushed past the other two men. He found his clothes, thrown into a pile on the floor in the front room and began sliding into them, concentrating on doing it one foot at a time, his head still buzzing and hazed.

"Xander," he heard Spike say.

He looked up to find Spike reaching for him, trying to grip his arm and damn did he look sexy standing there in all his naked glory. He shook the thought away because he was fuming and thinking about how good Spike looked, or smelled, or tasted wasn't going to get him out of the apartment any faster. He struggled until his pants were finally snapped, pulling out of Spike's grip the whole time while fighting to keep his balance.

The feelings threatened to overwhelm him when Angel approached, standing behind Spike with that devious grin still planted on his lips. He looked the part of the master game player, and Xander wondered how long this had been planned. How long had Spike and Angel been fucking? How long had they been playing him? Spike was good; he'd give him that. Making him feel, leading him to believe emotions were actually involved. Xander felt the loss of the relationship he'd believed they'd had, felt the bile rising in his throat and quickly forced it back down. He wasn't going to let them see what they did to him. Wasn't going to let them win.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked softly, knowing this time to keep his distance.

"Going out. Bored with this," he snapped, leaning down unsteadily to put his shoes on.

"Xander..."

"Got any more coke?"

Spike eyed the brunet wearily. "I don't think you need any more, Xan. Now come on, stay here. Not safe for you to go out."

Xander narrowed his eyes. "Fuck you, Spike."

"Xander…"

"Oops, sorry," he spat, "I think Angel already took care of that." His eyes fell on the other man and he shrugged. "No coke? Fine, I'll just find my own then," he yelled, grabbing the car keys he'd tossed onto the counter, making short haste to the door.

Before Spike could block his way, he was gone, slamming the heavy sliding door behind him.

Spike closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath and turned to Angel. "You right bastard."

Angel's eyes widened, a mischievous sparkle off-setting the ‘who me’ expression as he ignored the comment and headed back toward the bedroom. Spike followed, his face reddening with anger.

"You couldn't keep your dick to yourself for five fucking minutes?!"

"Hey," Angel retorted, "you weren't complaining before. Bent over, wriggling your ass, begging to be fucked."

"Wasn't an invitation, mate," Spike answered dryly.

"Could have fooled me, Spike. I didn't hear you saying no."

"Fuck." Spike knew he was right. He'd been too caught up in the moment he was sharing with Xander. A moment he was lost in, taking his body slow and gentle, feeling like he could crawl inside the other man and stay warm forever. And then Xander had kissed him. Or he had kissed Xander. Whichever way, it was hungry and needy, and Spike knew instantly with that single meeting of their lips that they were doing much more than fucking. The realization of feeling Angel behind him, breaching him, became a blur. All it accomplished was the added sensation he felt in his cock causing him to want to bury himself deeper inside Xander. It was all about Xander and being surrounded by him, swallowed by him.

He found the dark, cold eyes staring.

"You wanted me to fuck you and you just can't admit it. I think you need to open your eyes Blondie."

"Fuck off, Angel."

"No. I want to hear you say it."

Spike glared, his cheeks hollowing in anger.

"Say it! You wanted me to fuck you!" Angel demanded, his chest heaving in a show of implied dominance.

Spike stepped forward. "This was never about you, you stupid git. You were just an extra cock, a set of hands. This was about us using you. So how does that feel?"

"I can live with it since it meant I got to have your ass again. And I don't think that little boy toy of yours was all too happy about it either."

"Shut the bloody hell up."

"No. What do you think your pretty boy is doing right now? Still high and completely pissed at you, my guess is he's out selling his ass for a bit of blow. What do you think?"

Angel was on the floor grabbing his nose, the blood already beginning to run down and drip onto his split lip before he had a chance to react to Spike's fist. The infuriated blond was hovering over him like a hawk, waiting for him to stand back up.

Angel released a venomous laugh, trying to wipe the blood away with his naked hand. "How sweet. A bit protective, aren't you?"

Spike moved back, allowing Angel to climb to his feet.

"Get the bloody hell out of my apartment. And if I ever see you around Xander again..."

Angel smiled, walking in the direction where his clothes were lying. "Don't make threats, Spike. You really don't wanna mess with me," he answered, sliding into his jeans.

"Don't push me, mate. Just get the hell out." Spike ignored the slight snicker and walked away, heading back to the bedroom. He listened intently, waiting on pins and needles until he finally heard Angel leave the apartment.

He calmed himself down and decided to take a shower, telling himself he wasn't impatiently waiting for Xander to come home. Hell, the man had been gone fifteen minutes and Spike was already worrying. What was Xander doing? And who was he doing it with? Spike tried not to let Angel's comments influence his thoughts. Angel was wrong. But he'd seen the look in the boy's eyes. The anger and confusion. If Spike had only tried to explain. If he'd only forced him to stay, by now maybe they would have been showering together. And how sad was it that Spike was standing under the faucet, realizing with regret that he was washing Xander's scent away. That one minute thought broke the straw and he found himself sniffling. Tears hidden by the water but anyone watching would have known how broken he felt by the gentle shaking of his body and the sound of sobbing as he stood leaning against the wall.

It was after midnight and still no Xander. He contemplated leaving to look for the other man and talked himself out of it, knowing Xander probably didn't want to be found. Especially not by him. He lay awake in bed, staring absently at the clock, watching the numbers flip until it became later and later. He tensed at 4:35 when he finally heard the sound of the door. Fighting the urge, he remained, waiting... until he heard the crash. Spike was up and in the kitchen before the clock hit 4:36. Xander was lying on the floor, a broken bottle of vodka beside him, leaking its contents onto the wood. He was giggling hysterically, holding his stomach.

Spike scowled, bent down and began cleaning up the shards of glass.

"Are you hard, Spike?" Xander was now sitting up, clumsily trying to pull his shirt over his head, his arm tangling in the material.

Spike stopped and turned to the other man. "What?"

Xander managed to finally rid himself of his shirt and threw it across the room where it landed on the counter by the refrigerator. "Your dick, Spike. Are you hard?"

"You're drunk, Harris. Or stoned."

"Yep and yep," Xander answered, still sitting, pulling his shoes off. "I'm also horny so I figured if you and Angel..."

"Angel's gone," Spike snapped, turning to finish cleaning up the mess.

"Damn. I had it all worked out, too. See, I pictured it. I could watch Angel fuck you..."

Spike interrupted harshly. "Xander."

"Wait! Wait, here's the good part! Angel could fuck you... again," an emphasis on the word and Xander looked to Spike for a reaction, "and then you can tell me how you're a man and you don't take it up the ass."

Spike picked up the last of the broken bottle, tossing it into the trashcan and grabbed a roll of paper towels.

"Let's talk about this tomorrow, yeah?"

"No. Wanna talk now. Okay, so Angel's already gone, doesn't mean we can't screw, right?" Xander crawled on his hands and knees to where Spike knelt, sopping up the liquor. "I know I'm not him, but I know how to get you hard. I know how much you like it when I suck your cock. Do you want me to suck you off, Spike?"

Xander reached for the waistband of the sweatpants riding on Spike's hips and began trying to work his fingers inside. Spike began gently batting him away.

"Come on, Spike," Xander whined. "I'll let you have me. Anyway you want."

"What you need, Xander, is sleep. You smell like a brewery. And where have you been? It's four thirty in the fucking morning!"

"I was out!" he yelled, his mood suddenly changing from I wanna fuck to how dare you ask me where I've been. "I was out enjoying myself without you! With people who want me."

"What people!?" Spike demanded, throwing the towel down and giving his full attention to the man in front of him.

"People... meaning men. Men who are honest about what they want. I was out fucking around and it felt good, too."

"You're free to whore yourself out to whoever you want, Harris." Spike was screaming inside. Angel had been right. He stood up, stomping away into the bedroom, leaving Xander alone on the floor.

Xander spun around, waited for the room to stop spinning and stood up, proud that he'd only stumbled once and headed off after Spike. He found him lying face up on the bed, his hands locked behind his head.

"I'm not a whore, you son of a bitch! I don't fuck everyone I meet! I don't play happy happy with a girlfriend and then bone the first man who walks through the door. That's your M.O.! Not mine!"

Spike sat up. "Oh, and you don't use that ass to get what you want?! Didn't use it to seduce me when we met?! I saw the way you were looking at me... I knew what you wanted..."

"And you were real fast to give it, too. Weren't you? Were you that fast with Angel? Did he have to ask or did you just give it up?"

"This isn't about bleedin' Angel. This is about you and me!"

"Fuck you, Spike! This is about you and Angel playing me! Am I that stupid?! Do I have idiot written on my forehead?! How long has it been going on, huh?!"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about, Harris?! Me and Angel playing you?! You were the one practically fucking him under the table! What was that, Harris?! Were you just trying to piss me off?"

"Ppftt," Xander rolled his eyes, something that occurred to him wasn't a good idea after the room began to spin again. "I couldn't piss you off, Spike. You'd actually have to have feelings for that. Something you're incapable of."

Spike scooted forward until his legs were hanging over the end of the bed. His voice softened and he began fiddling with the blanket lying beside him. "Were you trying to make me jealous?"

He waited for an answer and was met with Xander's eyes rolling back and a hand desperately flying to his lips. The boy made a mad dash for the bathroom and the cold, porcelain god to spew into. Spike gave himself a minute to calm down, instantly regretting some of the choice things he'd said. He allowed Xander some privacy until he heard silence from the other room, and then decided to check on him.

He stepped into the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the rack and placed it into the sink. Once it was wet enough, he bent onto his knees beside Xander. The brunet was sitting on the floor beside the toilet, his hair plastered to the sides of his face, leaning into the bowl. Spike handed the towel over and flushed the commode.

It was then that he finally saw Xander's face. Tears rolling down his cheeks, his eyes dark and full of pained emotion. He sniffed and accepted the towel, rubbing the evidence away. His voice was soft and low, unlike the accusing hateful tone from before. "I didn't ask for this, Spike. I didn't ask to feel this way."

Spike held in his own reaction, wanting to gather the boy in his arms, hold on tight and never let him go. Instead, he played dumb. "'S what you get for goin' out on an all night binge. Always have to pay the price after."

The eyes looking at him continued to moisten, leaving small droplets to fall onto paled cheeks. "Why'd you have to let him fuck you?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Xan," Spike interrupted. "I was loaded, too much bloody shit in me." Spike sat down on the floor, stretching his legs in front of him.

"How long's it been going on?" Xander asked, still fighting the tears. "Angel said… "

"It's not a thing. It was just once before tonight."

Xander's head bowed, focusing on the tiled floor.

"Xander, it wasn't a big deal."

Their eyes met. "It's a huge fucking deal, Spike! It means I wasn't good enough...that you didn't want me." His voice trailed off as he turned his head away.

"Bollocks! That's bloody stupid and you know it!"

Xander looked back up again. "Do I? Do I know it? How could I?! I don't have a fucking idea how you feel or what you want!" He tried to stand up, to walk away but felt his stomach turning again when he began to move. He filled the toilet a second time, embarrassed that Spike was there; holding his shoulder, whispering to him that the worst of it was over.

"I can't do this." He leant his head to rest on his arm, closing his eyes. "I can't let you make me feel this way."

"Feel what?"

"Oh hell, Spike. If you don't know by now you're a twat." Xander scrunched his legs up, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He bent down to cover his face, a position he thought would help him say the things that needed to be said without having to read Spike's reaction. "I want you. I want you so bad I can taste it in the back of my throat. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing when I go to sleep."

"Xander..."

"No! Let me get this out before the rest of this bottle ends up flushed and I lose my nerve."

The bathroom quieted and Xander knew Spike was listening.

"I was trying to make you jealous. Anything just to let me know you felt something..."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. I'm on the sideline, Spike. Just waiting for you to throw me the ball. And I feel like I keep getting trampled."

"Stop with the metaphors and just bloody well tell me what you want."

Xander's head rose, revealing fresh tears. He used his hands to wipe them away and took a deep breath. "What I want..." He shook his head. "I want you to want me just as much as I want you. I want to go back to that night when Buffy was waiting for you and I want you to tell her that she doesn't matter, that her feelings don't matter. I want her to be the one who went away with her heart stomped on! Dammit Spike, do you even know how much you hurt me that night?!"

Spike's eyes never faltered from Xander's. "I know."

"I swore after that I 'd never let you get to me again. Now look at me. I'm on the floor puking my guts out because I'm so fucking possessive of you I can't see straight! When I saw him... when I knew..."

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I wasn't even thinking about Angel. It was you, Xander. It was all about you, making you feel good, wanting to be inside you, making love to you..."

The brown eyes widened.

"I know you felt it, too. When we were there and no one else mattered. We weren't fucking, Xander. When I looked into your eyes how could you not know how I feel about you?" Spike asked, moving onto his knees to get closer to the other man.

"But you're with Buffy."

"I don't love Buffy. Buffy's an obligation. Believe me, when I explain that to you, it'll make a lot more sense."

"I don't understand."

"Tomorrow, Xan. Right now, you need to get cleaned up and we need to get you to bed. C'mon," Spike said, standing with his hand out, "I'll start a shower."

Xander reluctantly took the offered hand and stood on unsteady legs. The shower was turned on and Spike noticed the brunet still standing in the same place, unmoving but watching him. "I need to brush my teeth."

Spike nodded and left Xander to his task while he finished cleaning up the mess on the floor from earlier. When he returned, he found Xander done with the brushing but staring vacantly into the mirror.

"C'mon, pet. Let's get you undressed and into the tub." He reached out to unfasten the button and then pushed the zipper down. He let the material slide from the other man's hips and then helped pull them the rest of the way off. Boxers joined the discarded pants onto the floor and he guided the naked man to the shower. Once under the pounding spray, Xander reached for Spike.

"No. You get clean. We don't need things getting any more worse for the wear tonight."

"Please." The voice was sincere to the point of begging.

"Xan..."

"Please, Spike. I just need to feel you."

Spike bit his lip and gave in, wanting to join him just as much as Xander wanted it. He stripped out of the grey sweatpants and stepped into the water. Immediately, arms were around his body, and his were around the other man's waist. Xander leaned in, his head resting on Spike's shoulder and pulled their bodies as close together as he could.

"I'm sorry," Spike whispered softly as his lips brushed over the brunet's ear.

"Shhh," came the reply, "just kiss me... please."

Spike's tongue snaked out, searching lips wet from the shower water. He licked across the top first and then the bottom before pushing inside to brush against a tongue just as eager. He pushed the other man against the wall, locking his body in place, and dove fully inside the warm mouth, causing a greedy moan to escape his partner. His hands fisted in the dark hair and he felt scratches welting up on his back from Xander's fingernails. The two men kissed hungrily, devouring each other's mouths, both allowing tears to go unnoticed by the other under the spray of the water. The need to be close swallowed them whole, making everything else, the pain, the hurt disappear. Their cocks rubbed as they ground against each other but went forgotten, this moment not about climax or coming, but solely about the feel of being together.

Finally, as the water began to run cold, they exited the shower with Spike leading the way to the empty bed. He wrapped his body around Xander's, spooning his backside, his hardened cock ignored but pushed firmly against inviting buttocks. They fell asleep as lovers would, guided by deep emotion rather than shallow sex. They both drifted off to hopes of a new beginning.





Part Fifteen

Xander woke up trapped beneath the weight of another body lying partially on top of him. His eyes squinted at the sunlight streaming through the window and he managed a glance at the alarm clock beside the bed. Damn! Eleven o’clock. He slowly pushed Spike's shoulder to scoot the sleeping man off of him and moaned when he sat up, clutching his head. Spike stirred and opened one eye.

"Where you going? I was warm."

"Shit! I'm supposed to be at work! I am gonna be so fired!" he complained, trying to stand up only to stumble back onto the bed.

"Can't toss you for not showing up one time." Spike pulled the pillow over his head and rolled back over in the opposite direction.

"Damn! How could I be so stupid?" Xander lay back on the bed with the heels of his hands fiercely rubbing his eyes.

The pillow was pushed aside and Spike's face emerged again. "Not stupid, just lacking intelligence. Big difference, mate."

Xander gave him a not so nice glare and shook his head. "I have to call, at least tell 'em I'm sick."

"You go do that then."

Xander managed his way to the phone in the kitchen, made the call and quickly returned to the bed, sliding in beside a tuft of blond hair sticking out from under the blankets. Spike casually rolled toward him, tucked an arm around his chest and pushed his leg over both of Xander's.

Xander smiled at the sensation of having Spike wrapped protectively around his body. "This feels nice."

Spike nodded and leaned in closer.

"Guess we should talk, huh?" Xander asked.

"Sleep now, talk later."

With a sighed relief, he closed his eyes and rolled his body in a position where Spike was pushed against his backside. His head was still pounding but the queasiness in his stomach had thankfully subsided. He felt fingers searching his own, intertwining against his chest and smiled at the gentle gesture as he began to drift off.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


Xander rolled over and opened a sleepy eye to the clock for the second time. Another two hours had passed. He did a complete body stretch as he rose from the bed and padded across to the bathroom. Humming happily to himself, he wondered just how much alcohol a bladder could hold before it would burst from the pressure. He shook his head, chuckled and disregarded his brain's feeble inner workings. A quick trip to the kitchen for aspirin chased by a glass of juice and then back to the bedroom, to the man still asleep curled into a ball. He looked down at Spike, rumpled in the blankets and allowed a smile to emerge. They had finally gotten somewhere last night. Albeit in a desperate and not so manly way, he'd managed to let his feelings surface and felt better for it in the end.

He crawled back under the blanket and scooted his body next to Spike's, slowly rubbing his index finger down the backside of the exposed neck. He received a small moan and a shift of the body in front of him.

"Spike," he whispered, "you awake?"

"No."

He smiled again and began twirling loose strands of blond hair around his fingers.

"C'mon sleepyhead. Time to wake up."

"Fine thing for you to say seeing as how you kept me up all night."

Xander's lips replaced his fingers and began a short series of pecks to the back of Spike's neck. His hand wrapped around Spike’s waist to play with the area of skin just below his navel, rubbing lightly up and down the fine trail of hair.

“I’m sorry I was such a mess.”

"'S alright. It happens."

Xander's hand continued to caress, dipping a little lower on each down stroke. He leaned in a little closer, trying to gauge Spike's mood. He could always count on those expressive eyes to know exactly what Spike was feeling, but now, his eyes were closed, still drowsy with sleep, and Xander wasn't sure where they stood after last night's chaos. He took a chance and let his hand wander, moving the blanket away until he found Spike's cock resting half hard against his leg. He circled it with his fingers, felt a slight twinge of movement to give enough encouragement for him to begin a slow, steady stroke.

Spike moaned, taking in a deep breath at the feel of Xander's hand on his cock. The warm breath against his ear caused shivers down the course of his back, finally ending at his toes, which were curling with anticipation.

Xander continued, letting his fingers tickle up the underside, barely touching until he reached the tip. His hand circled, just to play and then with a stronger grip he began fisting the lengthening erection with more pressure. Almost fascinated, he watched as the clear liquid gelled from the top and a small drop escaped to run down the shaft. A single finger chased it, gathering it up to bring it to his tongue.

"Mmm. I love the way you taste," he whispered, as he returned his hand to the now wet cock head and used the pre-come to moisten the rest of Spike's length.

Spike's breathing sped and he resisted the urge to thrust into Xander's warm hand. Something told him he should stop this until they'd had a chance to talk, but the feel of Xander wanking him and the whispers coming from the other man’s lips were clouding his judgment, making it almost impossible for coherent thought, much less speech.

Lips were against his neck again, soft and moist, powdering him with gentle kisses as the hand around his cock began milking him at a quicker pace. Xander shifted his body closer and Spike realized just how hard the other man was when he felt the slick head of his cock rubbing up and down the cleft of his buttocks.

"I could make you feel so good, Spike."

The length of Xander's cock slipped between the cheeks of Spike's ass and he began thrusting slowly up and down the crevice, enough wetness seeping out to ensure an easy glide.

"Angel may have gotten here first, but I can forget that... I know how to make it feel just like your first time... All you have to do is let me inside."

Those words were enough to shake Spike out of his haze. He wanted nothing more than to have Xander inside him and had no doubt that Angel would be the last thing on his mind when it happened. When it happened, and he knew it would, but not yet. Not when they still had so much to talk about. His hand slid down to rest on top of Xander's and he slowly intertwined their fingers. As they moved together up to the top of his cock, he pulled Xander's hand away.

"Xander..."

A leg found its way between his, skin sliding against skin pushing his legs apart until he tensed.

"Xander," he repeated.

Lips on his neck again, right beside his ear and it took everything he had to resist leaning back to let the other man take a nibble. "Stop, we can't do this."

The body behind him froze and then disappeared, leaving a chill where warmth had been. Spike rolled onto his back and found Xander's bewildered stare.

"Sorry, Xan. We just need to cool it, you know?"

Xander's lips pursed in angered frustration. "Right," came out harshly. In a split second, all his words, his confessions were meaningless again. Spike still didn't want the same thing he did. He swung his legs around, slipping from the bed and headed into the closet. When he reappeared, he was dressed in a pair of jeans and a button down shirt left open to hang limply by his sides.

Spike sat up, resting against the back of the headboard, pulling the sheet to drape across his hips. He watched Xander cross the room in front of him, a sudden coldness chilling the air between them. He shook his head, swallowing down the lump in his throat and cursed himself for bad timing and unspoken words that needed to be said. Scooting to the edge of the bed, he grabbed his own jeans that were dumped casually on the floor and slid into them. He ran his fingers through his mussed hair on the way to the bathroom.

Business taken care of, Spike re-emerged to find Xander on the couch with a beer in hand flipping channels on the television with the remote. Spike stood with his arms crossed in front of him, leaning against the wall dividing the living room and kitchen, watching Xander watch the TV.

"Think you really need that?" And when exactly had he become such a ponce?

Xander raised the bottle in his hand and took a long, steady drink. "Yep."

The beer was pointedly guzzled as he stood up and came closer, letting his shoulder brush against Spike's on his way back to the kitchen. The bottle hit the trashcan with a loud clank and he reached inside the refrigerator to withdraw another.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Spike demanded, grabbing the beer before Xander could open it.

"Fuck off, Spike. What's it look like?"

"No. You're not gonna do this to yourself." Definitely bordering on the edge of poofter status now.

Xander gave a bemused laugh. "And you're the one who's gonna stop me?" He shook his head in amazement. "Again, I say fuck off. Or are you just mad ‘cause I'm drinking all your beer?"

"Xander..."

"No, this is what I need, just let me deal."

"Deal with what?!"

Xander's expression changed to confusion mixed with of anger. Spike had turned him away and didn't seem sorry in the least about it. "Are you kidding!? With this! Us! Me making an ass out of myself last night for nothing!" He stomped away, returning to the other room and plopped back down onto the sofa.

Spike followed, gritting his teeth in frustration. "You really think this bloody tantrum's gonna help?"

"Tantrum!? Spike, I pretty much said all but I love you last night and somehow I thought that'd make some kind of difference to you. I may have been three sheets to the wind, and feeling really damn awful about it, but I meant every single thing I said! Were you just patronizing me? Trying to get me to shut up?"

Spike sat down next to Xander, close enough to touch him but far enough away to give him space. "No."

"Well then what the hell was that?! When we were in the shower... The way you kissed me, the way you were holding me... I knew you wanted me and don't try to tell me that's not true!"

"You know I do, but things are complicated."

"Because of Buffy," Xander spat, with all the venom he could muster.

"Some of it's Buffy, some of it's not."

"Well we both know it's not her pussy making things complicated. Not exactly what gets you hot, now is it?"

Spike's eyes narrowed in surprise.

"Don't get me wrong, you took it when she gave it and hell, as fucking horny as you were that night... thanks to me, I'm sure you would have been happy to stick it just about anywhere. Close your eyes and you can fuck anyone, right Spike?"

"Xander."

"No! We're being honest here. Or at least one of us is. You like cock! You suck it, you fuck it and you need it! You fuck men and hello! welcome to the club... you have literally been fucked in the ass. You know what that makes you?"

Spike's stone expression only changed with the raise of an eyebrow.

"You can pretend all you want, but you're not bi, you don't want women and that makes you a full-fledged fag, just like me. Only difference is; I'm not afraid to admit it!"

Silence shadowed the room, the muted sound of the television and Xander's raspy breathing the only thing between them. Spike finally took a deep breath and directed his eyes toward Xander's.

"You finished?"

"Are you going to admit it?"

"Admit that I like men? No secret there. Feel better now?"

"I'd feel better if you'd tell me what the fuck happened a few minutes ago. You didn't seem to mind my hand around your dick but I start talking about fucking you and you couldn't stop me fast enough!?!"

"You took it wrong."

"How was I supposed to take it?!"

"I just think we need to get some things straight before we go any further."

Xander shook his head. "It's not going any further. Not this way. Not if you're gonna stay with Buffy. It's not fair to either of us with you playing both sides, and I can't stay here if I can't have you."

"It's not that simple."

"It is that damn simple! Take it or leave it, Spike. I either get all of you or nothing."

"You're giving me an ultimatum?"

"I'm giving you a fucking choice! Call it an ultimatum if you want to, but either way it means she goes or I do.”

Spike stood up, glaring down at the other man. How'd they let things get this far? "Fine, do what you have to then." He walked away, leaving Xander sitting alone on the sofa and made his way to the bedroom. He eased into a t-shirt, pulled on his shoes, grabbed his duster and headed for the door.

“So you’re just gonna leave?” Xander asked accusingly.

Spike resisted the urge to return to where Xander sat waiting for an answer. Instead, he pushed open the door and walked out of the apartment, without looking back.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


The smoke-filled bar was almost empty except for a few regular patrons loitering two small tables. On a weekday afternoon, Spike hadn't expected many people to be there and was glad for the quietness. He sat by himself on a bar side stool in the corner, sipping Mountain Dew instead of alcohol because he really had to slow down on that, while he chain-smoked his nerves into submission. The only thing he knew for sure was that Xander was right. Everything he'd said was true. He was gay. He'd been certain of it for quite some time so that wasn't an issue he needed to consume himself with. Once upon a time he'd brought women home, beautiful, voluptuous women, but slowly they became fewer and fewer until all he'd lead to his bed were hard, firm, male bodies. So admitting he was gay didn't bother him so much. How that fact would affect his future... that's the part he worried about.

One thing for sure was that he wanted Xander in his life. As fucked up and crazy as things had been since they'd met, the attraction was real. The hard part was going to be trying to hold onto what was rightfully his if he broke off the relationship with Buffy. He’d known what he wanted for so long, now with a wrench in his plans he had to find a way to work around it. To face his father and not lose everything.

He took another sip from his glass and slammed it down onto the table.

“Fuck it,” he murmured, pushing his stool back to stand up. Xander could be walking out of the apartment right now and Spike wasn’t about to let that happen.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


Xander hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch except to retrieve the beer Spike had forbidden before he left. What the hell had happened? Why did he have to make stupid demands? What could have been a salvageable situation had now turned into a fucked up mess. He didn’t want to leave and knew he’d had no intention of going anywhere. All he’d wanted was for Spike to ask him to stay. He never imagined he'd get the silent answer he received. Maybe Spike had been using him and really didn’t want anything more. Maybe he should just leave. Go to Florida like he was originally planning before Spike’s sexy smile and voice full of unspoken promises convinced him to stay.

“Fuck it,” he stated as he left the couch and headed for the bathroom. Florida was a few days away and there was no telling when the next shower would be.


*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*`*


Spike heard the sound of the water running the moment he entered the apartment and was immediately relieved when he realized Xander hadn’t left. At least if he was still there, they might be able to work things out. For one thing, he fully intended to show Xander how much he really did want him. Clothes being flung in every direction, he was naked and entering the shower stall before Xander knew what was happening. He slid behind, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist.

“Spike.”

“Xander,” he whispered, pushing their bodies closer together.

“You came back.”

“You didn’t leave.”

“Just taking a shower first.”

Spike’s lips curled, disappointed. “Don’t go.”

There was silence while Xander contemplated just what he was supposed to say to that. Especially with Spike's body rubbing against his so inviting.

“Convince me to stay.”

“Every day from now on.”

Xander turned around in surprise, searching Spike’s eyes for a hint of meaning. Before he could question him, Spike’s lips were on his, a desperate tongue seeking entrance to devour him completely. He fought at first but finally gave in to the feel and allowed the kiss to deepen. When he finally felt the need to come up for air, he gathered the courage to push Spike away.

“No. You can’t use your body to convince me. It’s not enough.”

“Didn’t intend to. Just really wanted to kiss you.”

“What, wanted one last mercy fuck before I go?” He regretted it almost as soon as he let it slip out, but some things just had to be said.

Spike pulled away and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. Xander wasn’t going to let him get away that easy and burst out of the shower after him.

“What’s the matter, Spike? Hurt your feelings? Can’t handle the truth?”

Spike spun to face him, ignoring the fact that Xander was standing dripping naked in front of him. “You’d like that to be the truth, wouldn’t you?”

“You know me… always up for a good fuck. Pretty much all I’m good for, right?”

“That’s real rich, Harris. You say that so you can avoid what’s really going on here. Xander…if it’s a fuck I’m after, there are plenty of other people who’d be more than willing.”

“Yeah. Guess you could always go back to Angel.”

That made Spike stop dead in his tracks. He knew they weren’t getting anywhere by doing this. He had to turn it around, to make Xander understand.

“I’m trying to tell you I want you, you git! If you’d just shut your gob and listen for a minute…” He clenched his fists in frustration and sighed. “Bloody hell, why’s it have to be so hard? I’m not very good at this. It never comes out right, but I’m trying to say I choose you.”

Xander stood dumbstruck, lips parting to speak and then closing again. Finally, his expression softened and he inhaled, “What’s that mean exactly?”

Spike smiled, taking in the appearance of the man in front of him. Wet from the shower, hair plastered to his forehead in various directions, body glistening and beautiful with the most amazing expression of awe pursed on his lips. He was a treat to be treasured and Spike planned on doing just that, over and over again. He stepped forward, waiting to see if Xander would move back and found them standing toe to toe. When he realized the other man wasn't going anywhere, his arms locked around Xander's neck.

"You gave an ultimatum. I'm giving an answer. You."

"Me?"

"You, Xander Harris. I want you in my life, in my apartment, in my bed. Exclusively."

Xander leaned a bit closer, hoping, but trying not to show it... failing miserably.

"And Buffy?"

"I'll tell her next week when we go to New York."

If his heart could have beat any louder, he was sure Spike would have been able to hear it. Back up, re-register Spike's last sentence. "We?"

The arms left his shoulders and a strong hand gripped his own, sliding fingers together in a curled hold. "We, as in you and me, in New York."

"Spike..."

"Are you convinced now?"

Xander didn't answer, instead pulled the towel from Spike's waist and let it fall to the floor between them.

"You know that part about not using your body to convince me to stay?"

Spike bit his lip. "Uh huh?"

"Forget I said it, okay?"

Of all things he claimed to be, stupid wasn't one of them. Spike latched onto the full, pouty lips, thankful for the opportunity to taste Xander again. He'd been so close to ruining everything but now, now this strong, beautiful man was kissing him. Kissing him with a ferocity that seemed to evenly match his own. He felt a hand on him, circling his hip, kneading his flesh roughly as Xander tried to pull them closer still.

"Can we go back to bed now?"

Spike smiled and led the way.




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