Breaking Free


Part Thirteen

Xander’s mouth opened in complete submission to Spike’s. Spike took advantage of that submission and plundered Xander’s mouth. Spike’s tongue swept in and laid claim to the soft flesh inside. It traveled over the roof of Xander’s mouth, down the slick insides of his cheeks and then rubbed like a cat against Xander’s tongue.

Xander’s heart was pounding and he was struggling to breath. Spike lifted his head.

“No,” moaned Xander in protest.

“Shhh, pet,” Spike admonished as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Xander’s lips before peppering his boy’s face with more gentle kisses. Then Spike hovered above Xander’s left eye. Very slowly he lowered his head and began to lave the eye with long seductive licks and tender kisses.

Once again tears began to stream from Xander’s good eye. Over and over Spike ministered to Xander’s bad eye until he thought his pet finally got the point; there was no part of Xander Spike didn’t want to taste or to own.

Spike then left kissing Xander’s bad eye to begin kissing and licking away the tears from the good eye. “Enough now,” Spike whispered against the wet cheek. “No more crying, yeah?”

Then Spike reached to undo Xander’s hand restraints. Xander stiffened.

“No, Spike!” he pleaded. “Make me!”

Spike put a hand over Xander’s mouth.

“Look at me, pet,” he ordered.

Xander did.

“I know what you need. I know what you want. You don’t want to have any choice. You don’t want to have any control. You don’t want to be responsible. You just want to forget.”

Xander nodded.

“I’m going ta give ya that, pet. I promise. But you have to listen to me. You have to do what I say. That’s all you have to do, pet. Just do your best to do what I say and I promise I’ll make ya forget. I’ll make everything go away.”

Xander just stared at Spike for a moment and then gave another little nod.

“That’s good, Xander,” Spike said. “That’s perfect pet. Now I want you to just lie still while I untie your hands and legs. Don’t move, pet.”

Spike removed his hand from Xander’s mouth. Xander stared at Spike, breathed deeply but didn’t move. Spike smiled down at him taking the opportunity to let his gaze sweep down the entire length of Xander’s body and only briefly settling on the long heavy cock that was beginning to stir.

“You’re lovely, pet. You’re perfect and you’re lovely,” Spike said and then he untied Xander’s hands.

Spike moved down Xander’s body and unshackled his legs. Spiked then moved up to sit between his boy’s legs. He stroked Xander’s thighs as he thought. His boy needed release but he was too fragile for anything strenuous and though Spike just wanted to bury himself completely in his boy he knew it wasn’t the time to pop his boy’s cherry. When he opened his boy up the first time; it had to be right.

Spike also knew it was important his boy felt connected. He couldn’t let Xander reach oblivion alone.

Right, first things first, Spike thought.

“Pet, you don’t have to be quiet,” Spike said softly. “Fact is, sometimes I love that annoyin’ mouth of yours. Makes me laugh. So if ya feel good, let me hear ya.”

Then Spike leaned forward and nuzzled his boy’s sweet smelling cock. Tenderly Spike poked and stroked Little Xander with nothing more than the tip of Spike’s nose. Immediately Little Xander started to respond. Spike took long deep inhales of his boy’s scent. MINE roared through Spike at a primitive level.

When Xander began to make tentative little restless moans Spike smiled. Then he began to take little licks at Xander’s cock. Spike groaned. Already he could taste the salty flavor of his boy and it made him hard.

Xander’s cock continued to twitch and fill rapidly to its full length with each delicate lick. Spike propped himself up over the dancing cock but kept his hands to either side of Xander. Spike teased Xander’s shaft with short quick licks and then long wet licks but Spike avoided touching Xander’s crown.

Spike’s pet began to moan in earnest.

“Spike,” Xander whispered.

“I’m here, pet,” Spike answered before he changed tactics and began to feast and nibble on Xander’s balls. Xander screamed and arched off the bed. Spike chuckled.

“No moving, pet” Spike gently ordered. Xander panted and lay back down on the bed.

Spike returned to his feast. First he sucked one ball into his mouth and gently rolled and laved it with his tongue. He could hear his boy’s frantic gasps now. Spike very gently began to suck the ball back and forth between his teeth putting the tiniest bit of pressure on his special treat.

Xander began to pant and moan, “Oh God..Spike…Fuck Spike!”

Spike let the ball go with a loud “pop.”

“Maybe someday, pet,” Spike said. “If you’re really good.”

Then Spike repeated the process to Xander’s second testicle. Xander was now thrashing his head back and forth chanting, “Please..please…please.”

Spike stilled.

“Pet,” Spike ordered, “lie still.”

Spike then waited until his boy calmed down and was motionless except for his heavy breathing.

“Spike!” Xander said. “Please!”

“When I’m ready,” Spike said. “Now you were moving and you weren’t supposed to were you, pet?”

“Spike?” Xander whimpered.

“Pet?”  Spike asked again.

“No,” Xander answered.

“What happens when you disobey an order, Xander?” Spike asked.

Xander panicked for a moment. Spike heard the change in heart rate and caught the scent of fear in the air.

“Pet, it’s me. It’s Spike. Have I ever really hurt you?”

“No,” Xander admitted.

“What happens when you disobey an order?”  Spike repeated the question.

“You get punished,” Xander said.

“Right, pet,” Spike smiled. “So now here’s your punishment. I want you to prop yourself up on your elbows and I want you to watch me.”

“Spike?” Xander questioned.

“Pet, just prop yourself up,” Spike repeated.

Xander slowly sat up and propped himself up on his elbows. He looked down to see Spike kneeling between his legs with his head propped over his cock. Xander groaned and precum started leaking down the side of Little Xander.

‘Now, pet,” Spike said pinning Xander with Spike fierce blue eyes. “You are not to move, you are not to thrust, you are only to watch and under NO circumstances are you allowed to cum. Do you understand?”

Xander nodded.

“Say it, pet,” Spike ordered.

“I’m not to move, I’m not…uhm to thrust and I can’t cum,” Xander panted.

Spike nodded and smiled.

“Good, pet. Remember, you are to watch me. Do not close your eye!”

With that final order issued Spike then swooped down and enveloped Xander’s cock in his mouth.  Spike relaxed his throat, swallowed Xander completely and let his tongue wipe at the precum.

Xander screamed and used everything in him not to thrust into that warm casing. Xander panted and moaned. This is Spike! Spike is swallowing me down! Xander thought. No one, not even Anya swallowed my entire length in their mouth and ….OH GOD I want to cum! I want to cum!

“Spike please!!!! Please…please!” Xander chanted as Spike did the worst thing possible and began to suck. “SPIKE! SPIKE!”

Spike loved the taste, the smell and the sound of his boy. He was in heaven. Spike's senses were flooded with Xander and he knew this was only the beginning. This is all Spike wanted was to have his boy spread out before him hot and willing. Spike wanted all of Xander; every drop and every sound.

Slowly Spike pulled back. Tonight wasn’t the night to play the game where he made the boy disobey orders. That would be for another time. Spike smiled. Oh and then the things I’m going ta do ta punish ya, pet! Spike wickedly thought.

Spike sat back and watched Xander fight for control. It was beautiful watching the way his boy fought to breathe and to keep still all at the same time. As ordered though, Xander’s eye was on Spike. Spike slowly licked his lips and watched Xander nearly come undone again; thick precum was once again dribbling down Xander’s lovely cock.

“What are you thinking about pet?” Spike asked seductively once Xander appeared to be calmer.

“What?” Xander whimpered.

“Good!” Spike said and leaned forward and plundered Xander’s mouth. Spike slammed his tongue against Xander’s wanting the boy to taste himself on Spike. Xander groaned and couldn’t help but bite at the flavor of Spike, whiskey and his own cum.

Spike broke the kiss and smiled. “Lie down,” Spike quietly ordered.

Xander complied and lay down. He kept his gaze firmly fixed on Spike. Spike smiled at him. Xander gave a tentative smile back.

Spike moved to Xander’s left side and lay down beside him.

“Roll on your side and face me, pet,” Spike said. Xander rolled on his left side and faced Spike.

Spike pulled his boy close so their bodies were pressed together. Xander hissed in pleasure as their hard cocks brushed.

Spike chuckled. “Like that eh, pet?”

“Spike,” Xander groaned.

Spike smiled again and pulled Xander’s right leg forward so it was crooked over Spike’s hip. Spike shifted a bit and now their sweat and precum slicked cocks were lined to slide and rub against one another.

On instinct Xander started to thrust only to have Spike quickly still his movements with a powerful grasp on his hips.

“Spike?” Xander gasped.

“Here’s the rules, pet,” Spike said. “You thrust when I thrust and you don’t cum until I say so. Got it?”

“Please!” Xander moaned and stared at his blonde lover and tormentor.

“Got it?” Spike asked again.

“Yes!” Xander finally said desperate for the release Spike promised.

“Now,” Spike said. “Put your hand on my shoulder.”

Xander did and then Spike smiled. Slowly he leaned forward and claimed Xander’s mouth once more. Once again Xander submitted to Spike completely. Spike began to slowly tongue fuck Xander’s mouth. When Xander groaned into Spike, Spike started a gentle thrust against Xander giving Little Xander the delicious friction he’d been craving.

Immediately Xander tried thrusting frantically against Spike only to have Spike grasp Xander’s hips again and to cease thrusting.

“Spiiiike!” pleaded Xander breaking the kiss.

“With me, pet,” Spike insisted. “With me.”

Once again Spike began a seductive kiss matched by a slow thrusting rhythm. Xander whimpered and moaned but followed Spike’s lead. Spike smiled into the kiss, that’s my sweet boy, he thought.

Spike kept up the maddeningly slow thrusting until Xander thought he’d go crazy. He just wanted to cum. He began to whimper and turn his kisses into desperate pleas. Overwhelmed with his need for release, Xander’s nails dug into the flesh of Spike’s shoulders.

Once again Spike withdrew from his kissing. He brought his hand up to Xander’s mouth.

“Open,” he said. Xander opened his mouth. Spike inserted his long index finger.

“Suck,” Spike ordered. Xander narrowed his eye but did as he was told. He was rewarded with a change in Spikes thrusting. Now he was using more powerful and faster thrusts. Xander moaned around Spike’s fingers, increased his thrusts to match Spike’s new tempo and Xander felt his balls tighten. I’m so close! Xander thought.

When Spike thought his finger was thoroughly coated with his boy’s saliva, Spike withdrew his finger from the sweet mouth and snaked his hand down to the cleft of his boy’s ass. Xander froze as he felt Spike’s finger burrow between Xander’s cheeks.

“Spike?” Xander whispered, need still lacing his voice.

Spike stilled his thrusts and let his finger burrow until it was right there at Xander’s sweet pucker. Then Spike circled and teased before stroking that ultra sensitive flesh.

“SPIIIIIKKE!” Xander screamed and thrust forward nearly cumming.

Spike held perfectly still. Xander panted, writhed and fought for control. Eventually he too stilled and his eye fixed on Spike.

“Spike, please,” Xander begged. “I can’t take t…please..please….”

“Who are you?” Spike asked.

“What?” Xander cried.

“Who are you?” Spike repeated.

“I’m Xander!”

Spike shook his head.

“I can’t Spike!” Xander thought frantically. “Lt. Harris!”

Spike arched an eyebrow.

“Spike please! Please fuck me!” Xander begged.

“Who are you?” Spike quietly asked again.

Xander looked at Spike searching his star blue eyes for an answer.

“Spike,” Xander whimpered and then Xander knew. He knew the answer. “Spike I…”

Xander faltered. Need was thrumming through him. He was right on the edge. He was burning and Spike would take him over. All Xander had to do was answer the question.

“I’m your pet,” Xander whispered. Spike gave Xander the most beautiful smile Xander had ever seen and then Xander lost all ability to think.

Spike began to pound and thrust into him while stroking Xander’s sensitive hole at the same time. Xander arched and bucked. He screamed and was lost to the sensation. Vaguely Xander registered Spike saying something to him.

“Cum for me, pet,” Spike said. “Cum for me,”

Xander did. He spurted thick hot strands on Spike’s stomach. At the feel and smell of his boy’s hot seed spurting, Spike felt his own release take hold. Spike’s own love juices began to coat his boy and their cum began to mix as their bodies thrust, rubbed and pressed together. Spike’s face shifted and he bit down on his boy’s shoulder.

Xander barely registered the pain of the bite. All he knew was the most powerful release he’d ever experienced. He was raw sensation. He clawed at Spike’s shoulder, screamed and as his passion finally spent he found a new oblivion waiting for him. It was warm, safe, peaceful and it smelled of Spike.

Slowly reason returned to Spike. He shifted his face back. Then Spike delicately kissed the slightly bleeding and bruised bite on Xander’s shoulder. Carefully, Spike lay Xander down. Spike reached for the blanket and covered them. Then Spike lay down. Gently, Spike shifted and rearranged the unconscious Xander so his head rested on Spike’s chest.

“Lights,” Spike said softly. Spike ran his fingers through his boy’s hair. The room smelled of tears and sex. They’d be sticky in the morning but Spike didn’t care. They’d clean up. Spike smiled at the thought of washing his boy clean again.

Spike continued to stroke and pet his exhausted and deeply asleep boy. Spike knew that things were far from rosy with him and Xander. Xander had just needed release and to forget. Spike had given him those things. When Xander woke up it maybe and probably would be a whole new battle.

Spike also knew that Angel was not going to like Spike sleeping with Xander. Spike didn’t know what was going to happen when Xander woke up. Spike didn’t know what was going to happen when they got to Hyperion. What Spike did know was that until Xander Spike hadn’t shared his bed with anyone but Dru.

Oh, Spike had slept with others in his bed. Spike had fucked others in his bed; even Angel. Yet, Spike had never really shared his bed. Spike had never felt the peace and security and the total sense of rightness as he did right now with Xander pressed warm against him. Spike reveled in the feel of Xander’s exhales dancing across hiss skin. Spike relished the feel of Xander’s hair slipping through his fingers and Spike worshipped the scent of his boy filling the room.

No, Spike didn’t know what would happen tomorrow but he did know one thing; Xander was his.

Part Fourteen

Spike knew by the change in his pet’s breathing he was waking up. Spike continued to card his fingers through Xander’s hair. The two had slept for a long time; well past the morning chime. Spike had woken up a little while before but he’d been content to lie with his boy stretched out half on top of him and run his fingers through Xander’s hair.

“I still hate you,” Xander muttered sleepily against Spike’s chest.

Spike chuckled. “Never doubted it for a moment, pet.”

Xander lay there with his face pressed to Spike’s chest and his arm draped over Spike’s waist. Xander couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so rested and so contented. I really do hate him, Xander thought with no fire, conviction or malice and just a touch of denied humor.

What Xander really wanted to do was press tiny kisses on the warm chest under him. Xander wanted to turn his head, crawl up Spike’s body and find out if Spike’s kisses were still as amazing the morning after.

“What time is it?” Xander asked still lying snuggled on top of Spike.

“Close to the lunch chime,” Spike said.

“I’m not reporting for KP,” Xander said.

“Oi!” Spike grinned. “You’ll go on report.”

“I don’t care,” Xander replied.

“You’ll be punished,” smirked Spike.

Xander laughed remembering just how he had been punished for disobeying orders the night before. “I’ll take my chances.”

It was Spike’s turn to laugh. “Cheeky pet!”

Xander propped himself up on Spike’s chest and looked at the beautiful Biogen still stroking his fingers through Xander’s hair.

“I’m not a dog or cat,” Xander said quietly.

“Never said you were,” replied Spike as he met Xander’s gaze.

“I’m not your…,” Xander paused. He wanted to deny now what he’d said last night. I was under duress, he argued. I would have said anything at the moment. It was an unfair dirty trick he pulled.

Spike arched an eyebrow as he waited for Xander to continue.

“That was a rotten trick,” Xander finally said.

Spike smiled. “I’m a big bad Biogen.”

Xander rolled his eye and then pinched Spike. Suddenly Xander tensed and paled! I tried to hurt Spike! Xander waited for the collar to fire.

Spike smelled the fear before he heard the change of heart rate in his boy.

 “Xander,” Spike said,” what’s wrong?”

Xander looked back at Spike. The collar still hadn’t fired. Less pleasant memories from the night before were demanding Xander’s attention. I charged him last night! Xander remembered. I charged him and the collar didn’t fire! I kicked and thrashed and the fuckin’ collar didn’t fire.

Spike realized the fear was turning into something else but not quickly enough to prepare for the sudden onslaught of a ticked off Xander. Xander was furious.

“You told me if I tried to harm anyone on the DeSoto the collar would fire!” yelled Xander as he punched Spike without so much as a twinge from the collar.

“Umph!” Spike uttered. My pet can throw a punch, Spike briefly noted before he grabbed Xander’s arms and managed to flip his boy underneath him.

“What I said,” Spike replied as he pinned a struggling Xander under him, “was the collar would fire if you tried to harm the crew of the DeSoto. ‘M not the crew! I’m the captain!”

Xander narrowed his eye and still struggled. “Could you possibly mince your words any finer?”

“If necessary, pet,” Spike replied.

“So what? This is just a game to you?” Xander snarled.


“Or were you just so confident I couldn’t hurt you?” Xander managed place a kick into Spike’s side.

“OOOW” roared Spike and then he trapped Xander’s legs with his own. “You little brat!”

“Brat? ‘Council Boy’? Git? Must have been pretty funny watching me tip-toe around you when you never took me as a serious threat,” shouted Xander. “What other names you got? What else you going to call me? This joke? This non-threat?”

“The only one that matters, PET,” Spike snarled. “And believe me, pet, you are probably the most dangerous, as well as annoying, thing I’ve ever brought aboard my ship! I didn’t have Fred set the collar to fire on me because I knew as stupid and as stubborn as you are, pet, you’d probably permanently sizzle your brain while serving as my CM before the end of the first ship cycle!”

“Don’t call me p…,” Spike interrupted Xander by taking possession of Xander’s open mouth. Spike didn’t give Xander a chance to resist; he just swept his tongue inside and reasserted his claim. Xander still struggled but it was a losing battle as Spike possessed and dominated him and Little Xander happily responded.

When Xander ceased to struggle and Little Xander was insistently pressing into Spike’s stomach; Spike broke the kiss and released Xander’s arms. Immediately Xander’s arms snaked around Spike’s shoulder keeping the man pressed close to him.

Xander began pressing hungry kisses to Spike’s throat and then nuzzling behind his ear. Spike all but purred in pleasure.

“You know this doesn’t change anything. I still hate you,” Xander whispered in between kisses. “I’m still Council and you’re still a Biogen.”

Spike took Xander’s head in his hands and held him still as he looked him in the eye. “It changes everything, pet.”

“How?” whispered Xander as he caressed and explored the skin on Spike’s upper back.

“You’re mine, pet,” Spike replied simply.

“You can’t keep me, Spike,” Xander said as he instinctively wrapped his legs around Spike’s waist and began to thrust and rub Little Xander up against Spike’s very impressive silken spike.

“Watch me,” Spike promised as once again he claimed his pet’s troublesome mouth and began to thrust back against Xander in the sinuous dance that would take them both to that sweet place where love and war collided and brought explosive satisfaction.


Afterwards the two men had showered. Spike had insisted on washing his boy and Xander relented after protesting. Xander knew he could now fight Spike, but it wouldn’t change the outcome. Spike would get his way. Xander knew he’d have to pick his battles carefully and honestly it wasn’t that much of a hardship to have Spike soap him all over.

Once the two were clean and dry Spike threw a set of clothes at Xander, but no shoes.

“Remember to apologize,” Spike said.

Xander rolled his eye and got dressed putting his patch back firmly in place. “My feet are going to get cold,” he complained.

“Well maybe that will remind you to keep your feet from wandering where they don’t belong,” Spike replied.

“Bully,” sniped Xander.

“Git,” replied Spike.

Once the two were dressed they headed off for the mess. The arrived only a few minutes after the lunch chime.

“Xander!” Fred happily exclaimed when she saw the young man enter the mess. She rushed over and gave Xander a rib crushing hug. “C’mon! You have to see the new chairs Faith found before we left Oxnard!”

Fred guided Xander to a new and comfortable chair.

“Hey!” shouted Gunn. “Why does he get to sit in one of the new chairs?”

“Cuz I’m just the prisoner who easily escaped from the big bad gun toting guard,” Xander answered. “Not the big bad guard with color-me-embarrassed-on-his-face. Sorry about that.”

Spike groaned. I’m going to spend an entire night teaching the git how to apologize properly! He vowed.

“Don’t push me, Council boy!” growled Gunn.

“Pet,” Spike said and enjoyed the flush that crept up Xander’s face, “You keep egging Charley boy on and I’m going to let him give you your lumps.”

Xander narrowed his eye at Spike. You wouldn’t! he thought.

Spike returned the gaze. Watch me, he promised again.

“So, Xander,” Wes interrupted the moment. “How are you feeling this mor…afternoon?”

Xander couldn’t prevent the flush that once again that blazed across his face. “Uhm…fine.”

“Sleep well?” grinned Faith.

Xander shot her a heated look. Ok does everyone on board know Captain Yummynuts and I did the mattress tango?

“Yes,” Xander seethed.

“Good,” Faith replied. “Cuz you know, I had a heck of a time sleepin’ last night. Ship was nosier than usual.”

Gunn laughed and Wesley coughed.

“I think one of the engines needs a slight adjustment,” Fred tried to cover.

Spike grinned wickedly.

“You know,” Xander said as he stood up. “I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”

“Sit, pet!” Spike ordered. Xander glared at Spike.

“You had only one meal yesterday and nothing today. You are starving and don’t pretend otherwise.”

Xander sat and then everyone began passing around the dishes on the table.

“How long until we get to Hyperion?” Spike asked Wes.

“We’ll be there in a couple of days,” Wes replied.

Ok, Xander thought. That’s something. Hyperion is two days out from Oxnard.

Spike nodded. “Did we get everything delivered?

“Yep,” replied Faith. “We’re five by five.”

“Any word from Angel?” Spike asked.

“Multiple actually,” replied Wesley.

“Am I going to like any of them?” 

“Well,” Wesley cast a glance at Xander and then back at Spike, “Probably not.”

Spike sighed. Soddin’ Peaches is goin’ to try and make a hames of this with my pet.

“I suppose I’d better review the messages after lunch,” Spike said.

The rest of the meal passed companionably. Xander still flushed slightly whenever Spike called him pet and Spike almost always called Xander pet. Afterwards when the rest of the crew cleared out, Xander took over his KP duties. He wasn’t ready to go back to the cabin which he was certain would still smell of his and Spike’s spent passion.

Xander needed some time to think. He needed a clear head and he knew he wouldn’t have that in the cabin with his hormones in overdrive. If last night hadn’t made that clear, this morning did.

Wills, Xander thought. What am I doing? The phrase “sleeping with the enemy” came to mind. Xander sighed. OK the sex was good…phenomenal…ok the best ever, Xander internally ranted, but this is insane with a capitol THIS-WILL-NOT-END-WELL.

And what does he mean he means to keep me? Xander wondered. I’m not some prize. No one would ever mistake Alexander LaVelle Harris for that; one or two eyed. I’m not a piece of cargo won in a raid either. I’m an officer of the Council Initiative.

Xander finished prep work for the dinner chime meal and sat down at the table. I need to stop thinking with my little head and think with the big one. I know the little one works better; or at least it works great with Spike. Now I just need to get the big one to function. What would Jesse do?

Xander flinched at the thought of his friend. Jess, Xander thought, I’m sleeping with the same thing that killed you! Some part of Xander roared up to defend Spike. Spike was high-handed, arrogant, manipulative and completely domineering. Yet Spike was also tender, funny, and could be heart-breakingly gentle. Memories of Spike nuzzling and licking away Xander’s tears came to mind.

Spike is not Caleb, Xander silently admitted. It doesn’t mean he’s not my enemy; he’s just not my nightmare. Xander tapped his fingers on the table. Xander continued to mull over the last few days since he’d been captured. He’d been off balance from day one. He’d been pretty much in reactionary mode since he’d been on board the DeSoto.

The escape attempt had been proactive; but it hadn’t worked. In some ways it landed him in a bigger mess. Would I have ended up making whoopie with the Captain Tightbuns if I hadn’t had to sleep in the same bed with him? Little Xander answered yes. Xander just growled and sat back in his chair.

Maybe I need to be proactive in a different way, Xander thought. Maybe I need to learn more than just Hyperion’s two days out from Oxnard. I’m sleeping with a legendary Biogen; someone obviously close to Angel himself. Maybe I can gather intel that will be useful when…well when I finally do escape or get back to the Council.

Xander ignored the part of him that asked about what would happen to Spike? What would happen to Fred? Xander shushed the little voice that wondered if this plan really would make him the “Council whore” the stranger back on Oxnard had accused him of being.

Still, the Lieutenant side of Xander thought it was a marvelous plan. If Xander was going to sleep with Spike he might as well get more out of it then just a happy cock and a wet spot. The Lieutenant side of Xander argued this plan would redeem Xander from succumbing to his baser instincts. The Lieutenant side of Xander ordered the rest of Xander to fall in line and get with the program. Little Xander of course held out for his own course of action. Xander spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out what kinds of information he’d try and seduce out of Spike.


Faith looked at Spike. Spike looked at Faith. The looks had been going back and forth for nearly a rotation.

“Right then!” Spike finally growled startling Wesley. “Say your peace.”

Faith smiled. “It’s not anything I’m sure you haven’t already thought about.”

“Just say it so we can get over the bleedin’ eyeballin’,” Spike answered.

“Was just going to say this doesn’t make the situation less fubar,” Faith replied.

“Actually, it probably makes the situation much more…er complicated,” Wesley interjected.

“I’m not completely dead from the neck up!” snorted Spike.

“Well certainly not from the waist down,” quipped Faith.

Wesley coughed. Spike growled. Faith grinned.

“Spike,” Wesley began again, “while I’m sure you and Xander had a pleasant encounter….”

“Extraordinary mate! Bloomin’ fantastic!” beamed Spike.   

“…be that as it may,” Wesley tried again desperate to stop Spike in case he went into details, “Xander is not just going to suddenly have some sort of instant conversion and suddenly abandon all that he knew and join the Biogen fight. In fact he may do the opposite. He may find the need to withdraw more completely into his Council beliefs.”

“Oi!” Spike said, “Xan wouldn’t do that. I think your underestimatin’ him.”

“And we think you’re underestimating human nature,” replied Faith.

Spike growled but thought about what Wes and Faith said. He really hoped the two were wrong; it hurt too much to believe otherwise.


Dinner had past pleasantly enough. There was some more ribbing from Faith about how tired she was and how she hoped Fred had fixed the “engine problem” so the ship would be quieter. Xander had ignored her. Gunn had made some snappy remark and Xander had been just as quick with a snap back. Wesley tried to keep the peace. All seemed normal for what Xander had come to expect on the DeSoto except Spike had seemed quieter than normal.

Xander had wondered about the odd silence from Spike while he cleaned up from dinner. Maybe it had to do with a message from Angel, Xander thought. Maybe there’s been a setback for the Biogens or maybe Angel’s got a weak spot in one of his plans and Spike knows it? Maybe that’s where I should start my line of questioning tonight?

After dinner and clean-up Xander went back to the cabin. Spike was once again already there but this time he had two drinks poured and the personal unit was nowhere in sight. Spike was just waiting for Xander.

“Evenin’, pet,” Spike smiled. Xander flushed.

“Uhm…hi,” Xander said. Oh god! How am I going to do this? Xander wondered.

“Drink?” Spike asked as reached out, picked up a glass and offered it to Xander.

“Trying to get me drunk?” Xander smiled as he reached out for the drink and took a sip.

“Nope. Just trying to get into your knickers,” Spike winked.

Xander coughed and sputtered whiskey.

“Oi! That’s hot, pet!” Spike laughed.

Xander flushed again but moved to join Spike on the couch. Spike slid over to give Xander just enough room so that he could sit down but would be pressed against the seductive Biogen. Spike put his drink down and turned toward Xander. Xander slammed his drink back. Spike began to run his hand up and down Xander’s torso and then moved in to nuzzle Xander’s neck.

“Missed ya, pet,” Spike whispered.

Heat flared through Xander and he gasped at Spike’s touch. Remember the mission, Lt. Harris! Xander internally reminded himself. Spike delicately sucked one of Xander’s earlobes between his lips and began to suckle. Screw the mission! Screw Spike! Little Xander demanded.

“Uhm…so uh, how was your day?”  Xander panted.

Spike released Xander’s well nursed ear, reached out and took Xander’s empty glass from Xander’s hands and then in one quick movement pulled his pet down and underneath him on the couch.

“Long,” purred Spike as he stretched out on top of his boy and then began to rub his heavy erection against Xander. “Long and hard, pet.”

Little Xander swelled and wanted Spike and Xander’s pants gone!

“Uhm…so bad news from Angel?” Xander whimpered as he snaked his arms around Spike. This is bad. Xander thought and arched up into Spike. This is bad this is so goooood!

“Nothin’ I can’t handle,” Spike said before laying claim to Xander’s mouth. Xander moaned as once again Spike swept in and took control. Spike was apparently the key to keeping Xander’s mouth in line. All Spike had to do was kiss Xander.

Mission! Mission! Mission! Xander desperately tried to remind himself even as he pulled Spike closer and let his tongue dance in time with Spike. Can’t pump him for information with your tongues tied together! Xander unfortunately realized and then tilted back his head breaking the kiss.

“So,” Xander panted as Spike began to lick and nibble a trail down Xander’s throat. “So everything’s ok? No…uh…no..change in the Biogen plans….whatever those may be?”

“Umnn mmm,” Spike replied as he marked a trail to the hollow of Xander’s throat and licked while snaking his hands up under Xander’s shirt to circle Xander’s nipples with his thumbs.

“Spike! Oh…pl…” Xander gasped, clutched Spike’s shoulders and arched his own heavy erection into Spike. Mission! some ludicrous part of Xander insisted. Spike chuckled right against that hollow spot and Xander felt it all the way to his engorged tip.

“So..just curious,” Xander managed to moan, “what are….oh god…uhm…so what…are the Biogen plans?”

Spike froze. Some rational part of Spike’s brain had managed to get enough blood away from Spike’s lad to notice something was wrong. What was Xander up to?

“Pet,” Spike asked as he peered down to look in Xander’s eye, “what’s with all the questions?”

“Oh. Nothing!” Xander lied and smiled. “Just curious is all.”

Spike noted the physiological changes. Xander was lying! Xander was lying to him! Then that part of Spike’s brain which had been working got even more blood and he paled as he realized what his boy was doing!

Spike snarled, slipped into game face, and launched himself away from Xander.

“Spike?” Xander asked startled by the sudden change.

“Shut up!” Spike spat. “Shut up!”

Xander paled. What have I done? He wondered.

“Trying to pump me while pumping me? Is that it Harris?”

“Sp…” Xander tried to answer.

“I told you to bleedin’ shut it!” Spike said as he suddenly had his hands around Xander’s throat and threatened to squeeze. Xander froze. Spike could crush his neck in an instant.

“So you're still the good Council boy after all eh, Harris?” Spike spat. “Just using a different tactic. Had a bit o’fun last night? Eh? Thought you’d get your willie off and whore me out for info? Is that it?”

Xander remained quiet and still.

“After all, I’m just a bleedin’ machine? Why should I care? Right, Harris?” Spike inched his snarling face closer to Xander’s. “Do you think you’re the first Council bit of ass I’ve had, Harris? Huh? Shall I tell you about it? You want to know about Biogens, Harris?”

Spike released Xander and moved away from him.

“You’re right, Harris. Biogens were born in a tank and all we ever knew is what we were taught; programmed to know. No mum’ da’s…just organic mush and some bots in our blood to keep us perfect, healthy and give us all the special effects the Council...our masters wanted us to have. And most importantly what we had was whatever training the Council gave us. It’s all we knew of the world and it’s all we believed. We served who bought us. And I did serve them. Served many of them in my first hundred or so years of existence. Then one day I was sold to a new master.”

Spike began to pace.

“I was trained to be a bodyguard for Council members. I had been taught literature, poetry and all the fine niceties of polite society plus…all the ways to kill a man. I was told my new master was very important. I was told that I’d be serving a very fine man….a very important man. It would be an honor to serve him. I was happy to serve him!”

Spike went over to the bar and poured himself a drink. He slammed it back. Xander slowly sat up and went to stand up.

“Don’t you fuckin’ move, Harris!” Spike warned and Xander froze. Spike turned back around to face Xander.

“So finally it was delivery day. I was to be handed to my new master, Quentin Travers. They left me in his private office. Then the great man himself came in and I smiled. I FUCKIN’ smiled! I was so happy to finally meet the great important man…the latest for whom I was created to serve.”

Spike crossed back over to Xander.

“He was this portly middle-aged, balding man with a bad mustache and beard. He walked around me…inspecting me like I was a bleedin’ brand new hover ship! And I? I beamed…smiled…so proud to serve him! He poured himself a drink and as matter-a-fact-as-you-please ordered me to drop trou.”

Xander squirmed. Oh Spi..

“I said don’t bleedin’ move, Harris!” Spike snarled interrupting Xander’s thoughts before suddenly Spike had once again jerked Xander down on the couch and underneath him.

“You know what I did, Harris? Huh? I did! Didn’t question the man. Didn’t wonder. Just did it, cuz he told me to do so! And then you know what Harris? The man sipped his drink, pointed to his desk and told me to bend over. I did that too Harris. I stood there bollocks flappin’ in the wind bent over and waiting to be buggered while he finished his drink!”

Unbidden tears began to form in Xander’s eye.

“Don’t you fuckin’ cry for me Council Boy!” Spike snapped. “You wanted answers Harris? You wanted to know if everything was fuckin ok? So there I was bent over and Travers finishes his drink. I hear him pull something out of a draw. I smell something I later came to recognize as the all too familiar scent of slick. Then I hear him strokin’ himself….and I’m just standing there…standing there as ordered and I don’t even fuckin’ flinch when he comes up behind me Harris! I just stand there and when he parts my cheeks and just thrusts right in? Oh I scream…Harris…I scream cuz it bloody hurts! You know what it’s like to have your arse reamed Harris? To have some man just grab your arse and start pumpin’ away? To feel your insides go slick with blood and then with his spunk spurtin in ya? Huh? Harris?”

Xander shook his head trying not to let the forbidden tears fall.

“It hurts, Xander,” Spike whispered. “It hurts.”

For a moment Xander thought Spike had calmed down. Tentatively Xander moved to reach a hand up to Spike’s face.

“Touch me and I’ll break your hand, Harris,” Spike growled. Xander put his hand down.

“After he was done, I stood there with spunk and blood drippin out of my arsehole,” Spike resumed his story shaking with cold fury. “He told me to get dressed…I was dismissed until he needed me again. You know what I did Harris? You know what the big bad William the Bloody did? I smiled and said ‘Thank you sir!’”

Something inside of Xander broke. Or maybe it was something died. All Xander knew was in that moment he’d give anything; even his right eye to take some of Spike’s pain away.

“I thanked him Harris! I thanked him every fuckin’ time for a long time! And when he had me kill not to protect his puffy arse I thanked him. He was my master! It was an honor to serve him! If he said Kill! I did. If he said Desk! I bent….it wasn’t until Angelus…Angelus got me thinking…and I don’t know what was worse Harris…to bend over and take it and be grateful to serve…or to bend over and take it and want to kill the bastard but can’t because of a fuckin’ bleedin’ chip in my head!”

Xander couldn’t help it now. Tears were flowing. Oh god, Spike! I’m so fucking sorry! I’m sorry Spike! I’m sorry! Xander thought over and over as the tears flowed.

“Tears? Council boy? Tears? You don’t get to cry for me, Harris!” Spike raged. “Or are you crying for yourself huh? Crying cuz you weren’t the first to just use Spike for a little happy time and Council business? Huh?” Is that what you want, Harris? Use me to get your rocks off and still serve the Council?”

Spike began to tear at Xander’s pants and yank them down over Xander’s hips.

“Spike no!” Xander panicked and fought.

“What Harris?” Spike said as with one vicious yank he had Xander’s pants down. “Thought you wanted this?”

“Please! Spike! I’m sorry!” Xander cried as Spike grabbed Xander’s very uninterested cock and began to painfully stroke and pull on it.

“Stop!” yelled Xander.

“Mmm,” Spike said ignoring Xander’s pleas. “Don’t seem to be too interested here, Harris. Maybe you had something else in mind?”

Once again before Xander knew what was happening Spike had used his Biogen strength and quickness to flip Xander. This time Xander ended up on his stomach face down on the couch; Spike still above him.

“NOO! SPIKE!” Xander screamed and tried to scramble forward. Spike grabbed Xander by the shirt and pulled him back down. Spike pinned him with his legs.

“Don’t have any lube at the moment, Harris,” Spike said as he yanked his own pants down. “Guess a bit a spit will have to do.”

Xander twisted his head around to see Spike. Spike spit into his palm and then began to stroke his cock. Xander bucked and twisted to try and get out from under Spike.

“Whoa! Gettin’ ahead of yourself there, Harris!” Spike laughed and then moved off of Xander’s legs only to yank Xander’s hips up to line up with Spike’s.

Xander felt Spike’s cock begin to press against Xander’s ass cheeks.

“Spike!” Xander sobbed. “Please don’t Spike! Please! Please don’t do this! I’m sorry Spike! I’m sorry! I didn’t know! Pleaaaasse!”

Spike froze. He stared down at the sobbing man and slowly released him. Spike backed away from the couch and pulled up his pants. Xander curled up in a ball at the end of the couch and stared at Spike.

“I’m sorry,” Xander whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Spike turned and went into the bedroom. Xander took the moment to quickly pull up his pants before curling back up on the couch. I’m so stupid! Xander thought.

Xander longed to go to Spike; to somehow make it all better. Yet, Xander was afraid. Xander had fucked up and seen a side to Spike that had been born in unimaginable pain. Xander didn’t know what he could do to make it better or what he might do to make it worse. All he really knew is that he couldn’t leave the cabin; couldn’t leave Spike. Xander would take his chances and hope he’d find a way back from this horrible night.

Spike came back into the room. He was carrying the small pillow and the blanket Xander had come to think of as “his.”

“I think maybe you should sleep out here tonight,” Spike said as he put the items on the other end of the couch. Xander nodded. If that’s where you want me to sleep, Spike, Xander thought.

“Spike,” Xander began as Spike turned to go back to the bedroom. “I’m sorry. I didn’t me….”

“I know,” Spike said quietly. “You’re Council. I’m Biogen.”

Then Spike left the sitting area and went into the bedroom shutting the hatchway door behind him. Xander didn’t move and just stared at the door for a long time with Spike’s words echoing in his head.

Xander began to cry when he realized Spike had stopped calling him “pet.”

Part Fifteen

Xander didn’t know how long he cried after Spike shut the door. Xander certainly didn’t remember falling asleep either. However, he must have fallen asleep at some point because when he opened his eye the bedroom door was open and Spike was gone.

Xander sat up. Apparently he’d slept still curled in a ball at the end of the couch. Blearily he threw his blanket off.. He wasn’t sure of the time; but it felt early.  Memories from the night before came at him again and he found he still had more tears to cry.

“Spike,” Xander whispered. Xander had never really stopped wanting to die since the horrible day Jesse had been killed, but this was the first time Xander truly felt the universe would have been a much better place if Xander had died.

Xander stood up and looked around the cabin. He was lost. He wasn’t sure what to do next or where to go; so he just followed routine. He tidied up the sitting area and then got ready to take a shower. It was only as was undressing that realized his patch was off. Xander looked over at the dresser and there it lay.

Once again tears formed in Xander’s eyes. Spike must have taken Xander’s patch off some time after Xander fell asleep. Xander didn’t know if that broke his heart a little more or gave him hope.


After his shower, Xander made his way to the mess to begin preparing for the morning chime. Gunn was already there sitting at the table.

“You’re up early,” Xander remarked.

“Early bird catches pneumonia,” Gunn muttered as he chugged some proto-fizz. “Or in this case gets thrown out of the bridge by his whiskey wielding captain and locked out before his shift’s ended. Wouldn’t know anything about that would you Xan?”

“Spike locke…” Xander began not really answering the question.

Gunn stood up and grabbed Xander by the collar.

“You know I’ve just about had it with you! Since you’ve been on board the mess had been trashed, I’ve pulled a gun on Spike, been made to look like a fool, and now thrown off the bridge.” Gunn shook Xander for emphasis. “Now, Spike’s locked himself away like it was Dru day! And you? You’re here making breakfast?”

“Gunn…” Xander tried again.

“I don’t care what’s gone down, Council Boy,” Gunn shouted and Xander winced at the “Council Boy.” “But if things don’t start getting a whole lot better on this ship a whole lot quick somebody is going to have a real bad accident with the air lock! Do you get my meaning?”

Xander nodded and Gunn let him go before storming out of the mess. Spike’s locked himself away? Xander thought as he tried to go back to prepping for the morning meal. What’s a Dru day?

Xander was still no closer to having any answers when the morning chime came but the food was ready. Only none of the crew showed up for chow. Xander paced trying to figure out where everyone was and whether or not he should start stowing the food away, since he really wasn’t that hungry.

Finally, Xander used the ship’s communicator and tried to hail Fred.

“Fred,” Xander said tentatively.

“Fred here,” came the clipped reply.

“Uhm…breakfast is ready,” Xander said.

“I’ll be skipping mess today,” Fred answered. “I’ve got a lot of maintenance to do on the engines.”

“Oh, well do you want me to fix anything and send it down to you?”

“Yes, Xander” Fred replied. “I do want you to fix something. I want you to fix whatever happened with Spike because if you don’t…”

Xander’s eye widened at Fred’s steely tone and the long pause.

“…you’ll be amazed at what that collar can be programmed to think constitutes a threat. Fred out.”

Xander collapsed in a chair and fingered the collar around his neck. Somehow he knew Fred would do it. She had that same tone Willow got when Xander had told her about Jesse. How does everyone know what happens on this ship?

“It’s a small ship,” Wes said. Xander jumped.

“You read minds?” Xander asked.

Wes shook his head. “Just remarking that it’s a small ship and if the captain’s gone a bit around the bend; it tends to affect everyone.”

“Breakfast,” Xander meekly offered.

“No, thank you,” Wes said. “Had a proto-fizz earlier with Gunn when he called to tell me about Spike throwing him off the bridge.”

“So…” Xander began.

“I’m here to tell you to figure out what you want,” Wes replied. “Either want Spike or want the Council but you can’t have both. If you keep trying to have it both ways you are going to wind up getting more than just yourself and Spike terribly hurt.”

“Wes…” Xander began again.

“It is that simple, Xander. Do you think when I made the decision to leave it was easy? I could have my father’s approval, my position as a Watcher or I could have the truth and my self respect. I couldn’t have both. I was lucky I had a talented Regent who wanted the same things and came with me, or else I probably wouldn’t have made it. But either way I had to make a choice, and so do you.”

Wes turned to leave.

“Wes!” Xander shouted after him. “What’s a ‘Dru day?’”

Wes paused without turning back to look at Xander.

“Dru day, it’s the anniversary of Drusilla’s death. Spike is always a bit…edgy that day.”

“What happened to her?” Xander asked.

“Didn’t they teach that at the academy?” Wes replied and turned to look at Xander.

“I want to hear it from you,” answered Xander.

“Dru was badly injured at the battle of Prague. She probably should not have been in the fight at all, but she was always at Spike’s side. Her injuries were such that she required large amounts of nutrients and rest if the nanites in her system had any hope in repairing the damage. Spike and Angel left her on the Whedon colony to heal while they tried to rescue more Biogens and regroup. Only the Council found the fall back position and sent in Kendra.”

“The first Regent,” Xander said.

Wesley nodded and continued. “Dru wasn’t in any shape to fight. She didn’t actually. According to Kendra’s watcher Dru stood and faced Kendra when Kendra entered the room. Dru said, ‘It’s long past bed time and I so want bread and jam with tea in the morning.’ Then, Kendra removed her head.”

“But…” Xander said.

“That’s not the Council version Xander. That’s the truth. Watchers may be a function of the Council used to train and help Regents but we’re also watchers. We record everything the girls do and study it for patterns of behavior or insights that will help us keep the Regents under control. The Council learned a little something from their mistake with the Biogens.”

“Spike wasn’t there for Drusilla when she died,” Xander said quietly.

“No,” Wesley said, “and he has a long life to live with that.”

“But he did kill Kendra,” observed Xander.

“Yes,” Wesley answered. “She was the first Regent he killed.”

Xander fell silent with no more questions to ask and Wesley left the room. Xander stayed sitting at the table for a long time before he began to pack away the morning meal. He left a few items out for lunch.

When no one arrived for the lunch chime Xander finally listened to the rumbling in his stomach and ate a little. Then he packed everything away. He debated about starting something for dinner but decided to reorganize the mess.

It was approaching the dinner chime when Faith strolled into the mess.

“If you’re here to threaten me,” Xander said as he was putting things back on a shelf, “get in line.”

Faith hopped up on the table and smiled at Xander. “Actually here to see how you're doing.”

“Why?” Xander asked as he turned to look at Faith as she perched on the table.

“I take it something heavy went down last night,” Faith replied.

“I mean why do you care how I’m doing?”

“Jesse,” Faith answered. Xander bristled.

‘I’m fine and you can go back to whereever you crawled out from,” Xander said.

“Boy you really aren’t the brightest bulb are you?” Faith said as she shook her head.

“And you…” Xander started.

“Xander, did you ever think that if you just shut up and listen once in awhile instead of running your mouth you might have a few less bruises and more happy nights?” Faith interrupted.

Xander narrowed his eye and looked at her.

“I’d say I don’t know why I bother, but I’ve already told you,” Faith said. “He cared about you, you know?”

“Spike?” Xander asked confused.

“Jesse!” Faith said.

“I don’t’ want to ta…”

“Then don’t. Listen!” Faith interrupted again. “Jesse and I. Yeah, we weren’t together long but it was long enough for pillow talk. And he liked to talk over the pillows. He liked to talk about you. He hoped someday you’d find someone who cared for you like you deserved to be cared for. Jesse knew how you felt and he knew he couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

Xander looked down hiding his too personal pain.

“But he did care for you Xan. You were his best friend. And sometimes he’d sound sad when he talked about you. Sad cuz he thought he did you wrong.”

Xander looked back up at Faith.

“He thought Willow and he made a mistake getting you into the Initiative.”

“Jesse didn’t think…” Xander started feeling the old familiar friend of failure rush through him.

“Not for the reasons you think,” Faith said as she hopped off the table and stepped over to put a hand on Xander’s shoulder. “Deep down Jesse knew you were a good man Xander. A really good man with a good heart. He didn’t think being a soldier for the Council was right for you…because deep down he didn’t think you believed in the cause.”

“I did…do!” Xander shouted angrily.

Faith shook her head. “Jesse believed you were loyal to your friends but not the cause.”

Xander was stunned at Faith’s words. Was that really what Jesse had thought? Had Xander always been a good soldier because of his friends and not because he truly believed in the Council? Had he even cared about the Council line or was it all just rote words and phrases he remembered to be able to stay with Wills, Buffy and Jess? Is that why he hadn’t followed protocol? Is that why he tried so hard now? He failed Jesse and he tried to make up for the failure by…?

“I…” Xander just stared at Faith. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think.

“I have to leave,” Xander said and then left Faith standing in the mess.


Xander haunted the corridors where he was authorized and the cargo bay. He wandered and he thought. Xander wished he could talk to Willow but he wasn’t sure even she could help him put this into perspective now. Xander’s understanding of the world around him was in shambles and the only constant he kept coming back to was Spike.

A part of Xander wanted to cry. Jesse used to be his center. Buffy and Willow used to be the stars by which he could navigate the course of his life. Everything had been so neat and tidy. Now, Xander was lost and the only real direction he could find was Spike.

Xander didn’t know why. It wasn’t just the way they’d been together; it was Spike. Xander was drawn to Spike in ways he didn’t understand. Some part of Xander just wanted to surrender to Spike. Maybe Spike couldn’t fix Xander’s world. Maybe Spike couldn’t repair the shambles but Xander could hold on to Spike; if Spike let him.

If Spike still wants me, thought Xander as he started making his way back to the cabin.

Spike wasn’t in the cabin when Xander arrived. Xander’s heart sank. It was long past the dinner chime.

Xander thought about trying to hail Spike on the communicator but thought better of it. Instead he’d wait for Spike. Xander thought about waiting on the couch; but decided to wait in the bedroom instead. That way, if Xander was asleep when Spike got back and didn’t want Xander in his bed, he’d have to wake Xander up.

Boredom and recent emotional upheaval got the best of Xander and he did fall asleep. Finally, something did work according to plan because Xander woke to the shout of “Harris!”

Xander sat up and tried to blink the sleep out of his eye as he focused on Spike.

“Wot are you doing in here?” Spike growled. “Thought we established you’d be sleeping on the couch?”

Xander could smell the whiskey on Spike’s breath. Had he been drinking all day? Xander wondered.

“Uhm..I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” Xander said.

“Then wot are you doing in here, Harris?”

“I wanted to talk to you. I fell asleep while waiting.”

“You and I have nothing to talk about, Harris,” Spike barked and he turned to walk back into the sitting room towards the bar.

“Wai..I know,” Xander replied as he jumped off the bed. “But you and I do!”

Spike turned and arched an eyebrow, “Daft now, Harris?”

“What I mean,” Xander tried to explain, “is that Spike and Lt. Alexander LeVelle Harris have nothing to say to each other. I get that. I do. But…”

Spike narrowed his eyes; they were flecked with gold.

“Spike and his pet have a lot to say to each other,” Xander sputtered out as bravely as he could.

“They do?” Spike asked as he took a step closer to Xander. Tension and anger radiated from him like heat from a coil drive.

“They do,” Xander continued without retreating before Spike no matter how desperately he wanted to do so.

“And what do ‘they’ have to talk about, Harris?” Spike asked.

“Spike...,” Xander began and then halted for a minute trying to find the right words. “I think I’m a lot like you.”

Spike laughed and advanced on Xander. Spike was full in game face and his beautiful blue eyes were a lethal yellow.

“You? Like me? How, Council Boy?” Spike snarled.

“That’s just it,” Xander whispered looking into Spike’s deadly eyes. “I don’t think I am a ‘Council Boy..not really”

“What?” Spike said as he grabbed Xander and jerked him close. “A couple of good humps? One good scare and you’re a convert?”

“No,” whispered Xander as he tried to ignore Spike’s painful grip. “I mean…yeah..I may have had a mom and I may have had a dad…and I had …have friends...good friends…but all I’ve ever known Spike was the Council. I’ve lived in the ‘Dale all my life..I never saw the hardships Gunn saw. I never had the curiosity of Fred…or whatever her story is…I didn’t have a watcher with super secret information on what the Council does…all I knew was what the Council said and I believed them…why shouldn’t I?”

Spike’s grip tightened even more as Xander babbled.

“..but…I had friends..and they were all I cared about..all I wanted…until…”

“Until wot, Harris?”

“Until you,” Xander answered.

“Don’t toy with me!” Spike said as he shook Xander.

“I’m not!” Xander cried. “You're a Biogen. You know if I’m lying! Look at me! Am I lying?”

Spike looked Xander over. He listened to his heart and scented him for anything that might betray Xander and he couldn’t find it. Spike shook Xander again and let him go. Xander stumbled but caught himself on the bedroom archway.

“It’s not enough, Xander,” Spike said quietly. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“Yes! Yes it does!” Xander insisted.

“You’re Cou…” Spike started to say but Xander reached out and put his hand to Spike’s mouth.

“I’m your pet, Spike. I won’t betray my friends,” Xander said quietly, “but I won’t betray you either.”

Once again Spike looked over Xander and tried to check for any deceit. He found none. Something tight inside of Spike began to uncoil. Spike reached up and gently pulled Xander’s hand from Spike’s mouth.

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” Spike whispered.

“I do,” Xander answered.

Spike felt the rage that had been burning in him for almost twenty-four rotations begin to slip away along with his enhanced face. The hurt he’d been carrying began to unclench and he found himself reaching out to cup Xander’s face.

“How can you after…” Spike started to ask barely bringing himself to say the words, “..after wot I almost did to you last night?”

“You didn’t, Spike. You couldn’t…and…I’d give anything,” Xander choked “if I could take away some of that pain…anything…even my right eye.”

“Shhh!” Spike began to kiss both of his boy’s eyebrows and murmured. “Don’t you say that, Xander. Don’t you fuckin’ say that!”

Xander brought his arms around Spike’s waist and pulled him close; hugging him tight.

“I don’t know what to believe in any more or what to hold on to,” Xander whispered. “Please, Spike, let me believe in you…let me hold on to you.”

Spike pulled back from kissing Xander’s eyebrows and looked at his boy.

“I’m never letting you go, pet,” Spike vowed. At the word “pet” something inside of Xander came to life and another part of him became frightened. What if I screw this up again? Xander thought.

“Even if..if I do something stupid and…,” Xander began to babble.

“Be as mouthy, stupid and annoying as you’re gonna be, pet,” Spike said as he leaned in to claim his boy’s mouth, “but you had your chance to walk away and now your MINE.”

Xander once again gladly submitted and surrendered to Spike opening his mouth and letting Spike claim him. Spike tasted of too much whiskey, too little sleep and hunger. Xander loved it and chased the flavors with his own tongue until Spike groaned.

Spike broke the kiss and smiled. His boy was flushed and looked well kissed. Spike could smell his boy’s want and need. Spike’s own need was just as strong but he needed a shower and a rest before he took his boy the way he wanted. Xander didn’t deserve a drunken sleepy fuck.

“C’mon, pet,” Spike said as he took Xander’s hand and steered him back into the bedroom. “Shower time and then sleep.”

“Sleep?” Xander asked.

“Sleep, pet,” Spike said. “What I need most from you right now is just to feel you snuggled up and warm next to me while I sleep. I’m too tired and too pissed to give you the proper shagging you deserve.”

Xander blushed.

“Oi! You keep doing that and we’re never gonna get to sleep.”  Spike laughed and once again kissed his boy. Then Spike swatted his pet on the butt. “Now strip!”

“Anyone ever tell you, you were bossy?” Xander retorted with a hidden smile as he got undressed.

“Not if they wanted to live,” Spike growled while hungrily leering at his boy.

Xander rolled his eye. “Bully!”

“Git!” Spike grinned.

The two men traded barbs and insults all through their shower. Xander protested Spike washing him and Spike did it anyway. They continued with their “fight” until they climbed in bed. Once again Spike arranged his boy until Xander was draped across Spike with his head on Spike’s chest.

Spike began to card his fingers through Xander’s hair.

“Exactly how long am I going to have to grow my hair?” Xander mumbled into Spike’s chest.

“Shhh!" Spike laughed. "Go to sleep. Trust me when I say, pet, you're going ta need it.”

Xander grinned and hugged Spike tight. Then he relaxed and let Spike stroke his hair. Xander was asleep long before Spike had reveled enough in the feel and scent of his boy to truly trust Xander was his.

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