“Why are you watching this shite, whelp?”

“I think the real question is ‘why aren’t you watching it, Spike’?

“Oh, because I have standards.”

“Standards? Yeah, right!”

“I do! I was used to the best before this buggering chip. I had minions and power and now? Now I have your company and a stupid movie and bagged blood.”

“’A Charlie Brown Christmas’ is in no way stupid. It’s festive. You know? Christmas? The day that it is very soon?”

“Vampire’s don’t celebrate Christmas. Or Hanukkah or Ramadan or Easter or any other religious holiday.”

“So what do you celebrate?”

“I don’t.”

“Oh, come on, Spike. There must be something you celebrate?”

“Nope. Nothing. Used to get a present for Dru, but that was for her, not for me.”

“What did you get her?”

“A doll, or a dress, or something sparkly. Whatever caught her eye.”

“Did she get you presents?”

“Dru? She couldn’t even remember what day it was most of the time. Angelus did once or twice though…”


“Yeah. One year, the girls were away in London shopping, and Me and ‘Gelus were in the countryside. It was snowy enough that we could go outside in the day and we had a snowball fight. It was great. Both ended up turning blue with cold and had to warm up by the fire. First time he kissed me, that was.”

“WHAT?! You and Angel? No way…”

“You think that he’s as straight as he pretends? He’ not. He likes men just as much as he likes women.”

“Oh, him I can see being bent. You I can’t. You never struck me as the bi type.”

“Harris, I’ve always liked blokes. Want a demonstration?”

“Ha! Whatever, fangless.”

“Sure, Harris? Could make it good for you. Could make you scream.”

“Uh… I… Yeah…”

“Yeah? Just… Like… This…”

“Oh, GOD, Spike!”





“Said you taste good.”

“Oh. Fuck! Keep going… Mmm… Spike! Gunna… Gunna cum… FUCK, SPIKE YES!!!!”

“There? Wasn’t that more interesting than Christmas television repeats?”


“Uh, Harris?”


“Feel like repaying the favour?”

“Nah, wanna watch Christmas television.”


“Yeah…. … Spike?”


“How about I repay the favour tomorrow for your Christmas present?”

“Oh, yeah.”

The End