by Spike_1790

Not What It Looks Like


“This isn't what it looks like!”

“Really? Because it looks like you're naked on Angel's bed.”

“Well, yeah. But its not what you think”

“Go on then. Entertain me. What are you doing?”


“Didn't quite catch that...”

“It's your Christmas present.” Stunned silence. “Spike?”

“Why would you and Angel... No, I don't want to know.”

“He was drawing me. For you.”

Confused blinking. “Say again?”

“I had no idea what to get you for Christmas, so I got you me. Well, a drawing of me. Naked. I got the idea from one of Cordy's magazines, and Angel didn't know what to get you either, so we sorta joined forces and went with this...” More silence. Accusatory stares. “Spike? Say something... Spike? Why are you here anyway?”


“You'll have to say that again.”

“I got it stuck.”

“Got what stuck?”



“A butt-plug, okay?! Its a sodding butt-plug!”


“Because I was going to let you do me. For Christmas. Equality in the relationship and all that rot, just like you wanted.”

“You'd do that for me? What happened to 'I'm a Master vampire and I bend over for no one'?”

“It's what you wanted. Besides, I, uh, lost at poker and can't afford to buy you a real present. Besides, the thought of going shopping in the mall at this time of year gave me hives.”

“I know what you mean. Willow dragged me holiday shopping last week and I was ready to get on my knees and beg her to end my suffering after an hour.”

Sympathetic nodding. “Its not humane to make anyone spend hours wandering in and out of shops. Especially when you're only there to be a glorified packhorse.”

More nodding. “Come sit with me until Angel gets back. You've already spoiled the surprise, so I suppose it doesn't matter if you watch him work... and watch me lounge here trying not to be uncomfortable and embarrassed around Deadboy...”

Uncomfortable shifting.“I can't...”

Disappointed sigh. “Oh.”

“Don't look at me with those big brown puppy-dog eyes.” More uncomfortable shifting. “I mean I can't sit down.”

“Oh. Oh! Erm... Would you like a hand?”

“If you don't mind, pet.” Pants down, bending over, hands in naughty places. Squirming, cursing, moaning.

Footsteps in the hallway. Door creaking open. Shocked staring.“What exactly are you two doing in my bed?”

Panic. “It's not what it looks like...”

The End