Disclaimer: These gorgeous guys aren't mine.
Pairing: Xander/Spike Spike/Xander
Summary: Xander has a little problem when no one remembers. . . well just read it.
Archive: Sure, just tell me where and link to me.
C&C promotes good will and entices finger to keyboard relations. ^_^V

Return To Memory


Part One

Xander's head was reeling. God what hit me?! He stood unsteadily and shook himself checking to see that he was all there. Whew, made it out whole but what. . . He remembered a large, slimy demon with too many arms. Buffy tried to stake it and. . . "Shit! It exploded!"

He stood and shook the raindow colored dust from his hair. "And as always, I was unconscious."


He stood and faced buffy with a small smile, "Don't worry, I live to fetch your donuts another day."

She stopped and stared at him questioningly, "Do I know you?"

"Buffy, come on, my head hurts enough as it is."


She turned and Xander let out a relieved breath, "Willow! Thank you! Can you tell Buffy. . ."

"Who are you?"

He slumped onto the ground and groaned, "Come on guys I'm getting totally wigged here!"

"Buffy! Willow! Are you both. . . " Giles blinked down at Xander, "Aa. . . hello. Are you alright?"

Xander shook his head, "Come on G-man, tell them who I am ok?"

"G-ma. . . who 'are' you?"

The brunett boy swore, "Listen, I don't know what happened but you 'know' me! I'm Xander! Remember?! Willow, I've known you for over ten years! Come on!"

"I'm sorry but I really don't. . ."

"Spike!" Xander ran up to the vampire and grabbed his hands, "Spike, look at me, tell me who I am."

The vampire snatched his hands back, "Loopy Wanker! 'Ow would I know?"

That was the last straw. Xander groaned and let the darkness that had been threatening envelope him. The last thing he felt were Spike's arms supporting him before he fell.


Spike looked down at the human in his arms. The boy was obviously familiar with the slayer and her pets, but he'd never seen the kid before.

"So what do we do with him?" Buffy looked at Giles expectantly.

The watcher gave a long suffering sigh and wiped his glasses clean, "I suppose we will have to bring him back with us. He was injured during our fight and he knows who you are so maybe all is not as it seems."

"Is it ever?"

Spike snorted and slung the unconsious brunette over his shoulder. "Not on the Hellmouth. Come on y' bloody git, I want me blood."

"Shut up Spike."

"Bite me slayer."

"Quiet!" Giles shook his head, "Let's go."

The vampire cradled the young human carefully as the walked. The kid acted like he fought with the slayer before, but unlike all of the slayerettes he knew, the boy in his arms was completely human and without any type of powers. Got knackers this one 'as.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiit." The stranger moaned and Spike glanced down at him. Large, puppy dog eyes blinked up at him in hazy question, "s'ike?"

"Yeah pet, you ok?"

"You haven't called me pet in almost a year." He mumbled, still obviously dazed.

"What do I call you then?"


"WHAT?!" The blond dropped the boy and jumped back like he'd been burned.


The Slayer and her group turned back to the two of them. "What happened?"

"The ol' Harris charm." Xander coughed and glared up at Spike.

The vamp shrugged "Your fault."

"Always is."

"Is it now?"

"You seriously don't know me do you."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "We told you that."

"Could it have something to do with the demon you just killed? Some kind of memory wipe or something?"

Spike grinned, Smart one. That's why 'e survived.

Giles opened the door to the library and shooed them all inside. "Well I believe I have some books. . ."

Xander groaned, "Same ol' Giles."


As the research session wore down, Xander finally stood. "I'm going home now, see you guys tomorrow."

"Shur. Bye um. . ."


"Yeah. Bye Xander."

He waited until he was outside to let his good mood vanish. I am soooooo confused! Damn this could only happen to me.

The muggy night air surrounded him and Xander walked toward his home. "This is ridiculous!" He turned on his street and froze.


His house was gone. A large apartment complex stood in it's place. Xander checked the street sign once, then again. This isn't happening. Isn't happening.

He walked away quickly, walk turning into a jog, then an all out run. When he finally felt like he had gotten far enough away he fell and sat against a wall panting.

"Ohh! I love health food!"

I soooo do not want to look up. Xander groaned as he raised his head. Minions. Three of them. "Um. . . you know I'm not really tasty, I mean A neg, come on, how boring is that right?"

"You smell like a B pos to me luv."

Xander turned and gave a sigh of relief. "Spike."

"Get lost wankers, kids mine."

Xander blinked wide eyes when they did as they were told. "How. . . I thought since they took your bite. . ."

"What do you mean, 'took my bite?'"

"The initiative they. . . but if they didn't then why are you working with Buffy?"

"Dru told me ta stay here an' 'elp the bint. Kinda a last request."

"Drusilla's dead?"

He nodded, "Took a walk in the sun jus' after she tol' me a pressie was comin' to take me 'eart."

"Spike. . . I know it doesn't help, but I'm really sorry. I liked Dru. And I know how much you love her."

"So what's your story?"

"My house isn't there anymore." Xander fought tears and failed. He was shocked when strong, cool arms wrapped around him. "S. . . spike?"

"S'ok pet, you can stay with me fer now. right?"

"I. . ." Tears fell faster and he buried his head in the vampire's shoulder, "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Cuz yer a nummy treat." Spike grinned and picked him up.

"Are you gonna drop me again?"

"Jus' caught me by surprise is all pet."


"Vamps honor."

Xander snickered.

"It's jus' ya see I only called one person Nummy before. . ."


Spike's eyes got a far away look for a moment, then he shook it off, "'s nothin'. I'll tell you another time 'k?"

Xander nodded and curled up against the blond, "'k."


You do look a lot like Lex. Spike smoothed his hair gently. Maybe 'is soul decided to come back to me. He kissed the sleeping eyes and smiled slightly, "Nummy."

Part Two

Spike watched his Nummy fight from the shadows. His pet was good. He could have easily been a part of the Slayers team but the boy refused to fight with someone who would kill his lover. Me. I'm his lover. I would have never seen this comin'

The dark brown hair whipped in front of his face and the human stabbed the stake into another minion. 'e's gettin' better. The vampire adjusted his black jeans slightly as his body reacted to his lover's chaotic art. The boy was a natural, so lithe and willing to kill the baddies. Spike, as the town's master vampire, shouldn't have allowed his minions to die but his Nummy was worth all of the fledglings in the world.

Damn when'd I get so sappy! He smiled when the ash settled and his lover walked toward him. A secret smile on his face as he stalked toward the shadows that held his vampiric mate.

"You get off on that, don't cha Nummy."

"When you're watching, oh yeah."

Spike arched into the strong embrace and smiled against his Nummy's lips, "'s that wood for me?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you're wearing too many clothes."

"Wanna take care of that for me? Hm baby?"

A growl came from behind them and Spike groaned, "Hold that thought."

His smile was crushed when a shower of barbs flew at them. "Damn Lac'nech demon!" When he didn't get a response he turned toward his beloved and cried out.

The boy's body was riddled with the poisoned spines. One of his beautiful brown eyes was speared and oozing and he began to fall.



"NO!" Spike sat up sharply and gasped, "'Lex."


His gaze shot toward the boy lying beside him.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Peachy." He rubbed his eyes to disguise the tears spilling from them and Xander sat up and held him softly. "What are you doing?"

"Holding you. When I have nighmares I always feel like I need a hug. You know, something to show me it wasn't real."

Spike rested on the broad shoulder and closed his eyes, "But it 'was' real."

"Wanna talk about it?"


"'k. Just remember I'm a good listener guy, alright?"


Spike let the human keep his embrace on him. He liked the heat. Had missed it a lot since. . . well he'd missed it. Xander was quietly supportive. He must have done a lot of comforting in his world, or wherever he came from. Not from here obviously. Best not get too attatched then, if he came here from another place, he could go just as quickly.

"Feel ok now?"

Spike nodded, "Thanks pet."

"Want to go get some hot coco? I remember when the other you lived with me, that was your comfort food of choice."

"I 'lived' with you?!"

"Well after you got the chip you needed help and Buffy nominated me to be your keeper so you stayed tied to a chair in my room."

"You tied me down? Though I couldn't bite in your world."

"Hey I might look like it, but I'm not stupid."

"Never thought you were luv."

"So what about that coco?"

Spike grinned, "Sure." He walked out of the crypt with the tall human and watched him keep alert even when Spike was there. Definitly a surviver. "So, we mates in your world?"

Xander snickered, "Yeah right. You'd kill me in a second if you could. I mean, you told me you wouldn't even bite me. That's where the 'nummy treat' came from. You said you wouldn't bite me in a million years and I did the big mouth thing and told you I was moist and delicious. You growled back 'oh yeah, a real nummy treat' and it stuck. I don't think you wanted to be near me unless you had to. I mean the minute you could you were gone."

"Too bad, I think we could 'ave been good friends."

"Well, My 'friends' aren't exactly 'friendly' to me so I wouldn't be in a hurry to apply."

"What would 'ave 'appened if I'd stayed?"

Xander bit his lip and shuddered.

"Not a good home life huh?"

"What I don't get is, my house is gone. I mean, my house would still be here if it was a memory thing right? So this has to be some kind of parallel world. And the only thing different in it is that you don't have the chip. Did the initiative come here at all?"

"Course. We kicked their sorry asses me an my Dru did."

"So if my family wasn't there you wouldn't have gotten caught. And I didn't turn you in or anything so how would. . . fuck!"

"What's wrong pet?"

"My dad! A couple days after you . . . he went ballistic and. . . oh shit! He must have seen you leaving! He told the police where you were because he thought we. . . then the initiative picked up on it and. . . and then he. . . oh shit."
Xander slid to the pavement and held his head, "That's why."

"Pet? You ok?"

    "It was you. I can't believe I didn't put it together before! My dad saw you leave. You're the reason he. . . the reason he. . ."


Xander slapped Spike's hand away roughly, "He raped me you son of a bitch! I offered you a place to stay when you were next to worthless and you let him see you! I told you not to let him see you! You bastard! Did you think I was joking when I told you to stay out of sight?! He RAPED me!"

"But I didn't. . ."

The human boy shot up and dove back, "No! You stay away from me."

"But this isn't. . ."

Xander was gone before Spike could finish. The vampire watched him run toward the Watcher's place and closed his eyes. The whelp was so upset 'e f'rgot this isn't 'is world.

Spike went back to his crypt. Nowhere else to go since the whelp wasn't along. Lex's dad tried to 'buse 'im like the whelp's dad did. 'course I ate 'is drunken 'eart for it but. . . hold on now!"

The vampire slammed shut the door to the crypt and began to pace. "Whelp looks just like Lex. Sounds and smells almost identical. Abusive dads both of 'em 'ad. an' Xander said 'is family wasn't in Sunnydale in this world, doesn't mean they weren't somewhere else! Could. . . no. It isn't possible! Is it? Could he be. . . and Dru knew. She knew. I 'ave another chance. Alexander, that was Lex's full name. Xander. AleXander."

The vampire didn't know whether to laugh or cry! His nummy was here again. But in the other world he hadn't been there to kill the bastard before he raped the whelp. Xander was not just like Lex had been. He'd been through more than Lex was forced to bear. He was afraid and unsure and vulnerable.

Well nothing will 'urt you this time pet. I'm not letting you go away again.

Part Three

Xander was half way to Giles house before he realized the Watcher didn't know who he was any more. He wasn't Xander's haven in this place. So how would he react to the strange boy who'd followed them home showing up on his doorstep? And what if he had a girl friend in this dimension? What if angel had never killed Miss Calender. . . shit! He hadn't had he! Giles had a wedding ring. Xander'd seen it when they were researching.

I screwed everything up that bad? Was 'I' the reason everything happened like it did? Where is Angel? Why is Spike not neutered I. . . SHIT! Spike!

He slid down the wall of the nearest building and sobbed, "He didn't do it." He shook with his tears. "Spike didn't let dad see him. Spike wasn't there. Not 'this' Spike. And I just ripped him a new one for something he didn't. . . Damn it!"

"Hey. . . um. . . do I know you?"

He looked up in hope. Maybe it had all been a bad dream. He was home now. Someone knew him! He stood and brushed himself off then smiled and looked up. The smile froze on his face. Vampire. It was a vampire.

"It IS you! Lex! We all thought. . . GOD! Master Spike's been going out of his head! How did you survive?! We saw your body!"

"B. . . body? No, Nope! No body here, I mean. . ."

The vampire snickered. "Master obviously thinks so. Come on! He'll be so happy to see you!"

"Wait! I'm not. . ."

"What are you pulling Lex? You smell like you, look like you, sound like you. It's you right? Master can tell you. Something hurt you? You look pale."

"I. . . no I'm fine. . . uh. . . did I have a house or something?"

"Well you had the apartment, but Master and you live in the mansion mostly don't you?"

"I'm a. . . a little confused. Can you show me the way to the apartment. I'm kinda tired."

"Sure thing. Come on. Hey you need a hand? You really look like shit."

"Feel like it too trust me. I just want to go home."

The minion nodded, "Follow me."

This guy acts like Spike and I are. . . but he said I. . . Shit! Spike and I. . . and I just. . . Oh man! I gotta find him! "On second thought, where is Spike?"

"Mansion of course. Where else."

"I can find the mansion on my own. I'll go there. Thank you."

"Sure yer ok?"

"I'm fine."


Xander hurried through the streets, not giving any ooglie the chance to jump him. He needed answers and he needed to apologise and there was only one oogle booglie in Sunny Hell that he wanted to talk to. "Spike?" He banged on the mansion door and called out again. "Spike!"

A dishevled blond pulled the door in and actually yelped when Xander burst inside and grabbed his hand, "Nummy?"

"We need to talk. Now."

Without even thinking Spike licked his lips. "I love it when you get all Alpha Male love."

Xander opened his mouth, closed it, then blushed and looked down.

"Shit, that just came out Xan, I didn't mean. . ."

"I met a minion."

"Are you ok? Who was it? Did they hurt you L . . . Xan?"

"Yeah, he just wanted to know why I wasn't dead. We talked but I have questions that are no one's business but ours."

"Guess you heard."


"He was this dimension's you. We were mated for five years 'for a big ugly took you out right in my arms. Almost didn't survive that. Might 'a killed me too fer all I was good for after." Spike glared at Xander calmly, "None 'o this leaves this room 'k?"

"Wouldn't dream of it." The human almost laughed, as if anyone would believe something this far fetched in the first place! "So when you say mated, I guess you aren't just talking bed buddys huh?"

The blond shook his head, "Got rings an' all luv. You know Dru used to be a mail order minister? She did it 'cause she liked the collars. Married us legal an' everything."

"I'm not Lex."

"I know that." The master vampire frowned, "I killed Lex's dad 'for 'e could lay a 'and on 'im, and I made sure 'e knew 'ow to fight the baddies without gettin' 'urt. I was there for 'im for years. We changed each other. Lex was strong but innocent. You're stronger because of what I couldn't protect you from."

"But I still 'look' like your Lex."

"You 'are' my Lex. Jus' a different part of him. You have the same 'eart."

"Spike. . ."

"Call me Wil, Xan, please."

"Wil. . ." He shook his head, "I really like you. You've always been one of the few people I can really count on no matter how hard we both denied it, but I am not Lex. I'm Xander, and you can't just take me as a substitute. I deserve more than that."

"I know. So do I."

"And 'if', big 'IF' here. If we take up like you and Lex, what's to say I won't get sucked back into my world at any time?"

"Tha's somethin' we'll deal with when it comes."

"Did you love Lex?"

A blood red tear streaked over the porcelain cheek, "With all me 'eart mate. All me 'eart."

"And me?"

"Yer a real nummy treat. I think your dimension's William the Bloody wants you as more than an enemy much as I do. We 'are' the same basic model after all."

"I might go back."

    "I'll have a day then won't I? Maybe two. It's more than I ever thought I'd have again."



"Do you. . . want to kiss me?"

"More than anything, Nummy." He touched Xander's cheek and smiled, "Can I?"

As a reply Xander tilted his chin and slanted his lips across the blonds. Time in two dimensions stood still until they parted and Xander touched his lips, eyes wide in wonder as he breathed out a low,  "Woah."

Spike caressed his neck and licked his ear playfully, "Still nummy."

Xander sobbed and folded Spike into his arms.

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