Summary: Pre-slash or subtexty Spike and Xander scene that was written for an RPG. Basically, two weeks before this scene, Xander shot Spike with a tranq gun because Spike was going berserk after Dru was killed. Two weeks later, Xander finally finds Spike at a demon bar and they get drunk. It's cute/funny.
Disclaimer: I didn't make them up. I wish I did but I didn't. I do get to play with them sometimes though, and I say 'play' because I don't get any money out of it so it cannot in any way be described as 'work'.
The Big Hunt
Xander walked into his billionth demon bar in one week. He'd asked Lorne for a run down of all the bars operating in LA and started going through them with a determination that would put a pit-bull to shame. He wanted to find Spike and he would find him if it was the last thing he did. Having someone you care for drop off the face of the planet was not a nice thing. He hadn't seen Spike since the night Drusilla had been dusted and he was worried. And if it gave him an excuse to avoid Willow, well so much the better.
He looked around for the trademark blinding hair and nearly turned around to leave again. Just as he reached the door, a white-blond flash caught his eye at the back of the room. He stopped, staring at the spot for a couple of moments, making sure that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him like at the last bar and quickly walked towards the guy who had hair amazingly like Spike's. As he walked closer, the man's features became clearer and Xander sighed audibly in relief. He went to stand next to Spike, looked down at him and whispered a hello.
The drinks were lined up in front of him, and Spike was trying to decide which one to go for, when he heard Xander and snapped his face around. The chilly look in his eyes made no bones about his hostility. "Come to shoot me again? This time, you will find yourself on your arse." Picking up the shot glass, he knocked it back.
"No shooting from me." Xander raised his hands as if to show he was unarmed. "I just wanted to see if you were okay. I was worried about you." He took a seat across from Spike, taking in the long row of shots in front of him.
"Worried... now you're worried. Not worried when you were fucking plotting with Angel and Pike, keeping me in the dark, yeah? And not worried when you aimed a gun." He lifted another glass to his mouth. "Go worry about someone else, someone who doesn't mind having a turncoat about."
"I was not plotting! I do not plot. And I am not a turncoat. Fuck Spike, if I hadn't shot you Angel would have staked you. I was not about to lose you, especially not to the Great Brooder. I'm not sorry I did that, I just wanted to help you." Xander's voice didn't rise in volume but it did rise in intensity and he refused to look away from Spike's eyes.
"You could have told me. All that time... all of you whispering, like I wasn't there, yeah?" His chin went up with a sharp jab. "And then you came armed, brought your new army friend... yeah, were helping me."
"What are you talking about? Whispering about what? And that guy's not my friend, I only just met him last week! Spike are you delusional? The First didn't make a come-back did it?"
Without thought, Spike snaked his hand out and grabbed Xander's shirt, bringing him close. "Watchers had the tape showing Dru. Fred showed me. Fred. Not you," he shoved him back. "Not you. But why tell Spike anything," he gave a bitter laugh. He'd thought the days of distrust were over. "New town... new friends... who needs me anymore?" Yeah, that's how he felt these days.
Xander stared into Spike's eyes, seeing the sadness there. "I didn't know. I would have told you Spike, but I didn't know. They had me following Angel. We thought he was Angelus and they put me on the case. I swear Spike, I would have told you."
He didn't believe him... didn't want to. He'd rather nurse his hurt at the betrayal, than think about having lost his Sire for all time. "Yeah..." Deliberately, he took three more shots, and motioned for the bar tender to line them up again. "Maybe a few more and I'll believe you."
Xander reached out to grab hold of Spike's face, forcing him to look at Xander. "I. Would. Have. Told. You. If for no other reason than that I know what it feels like when your friends don't trust you. Willow didn't trust me and I wouldn't do that to you, okay?" Without waiting for a reply he dropped his hands and grabbed one of those shots, slamming it back down on the table.
Spike blinked and then stared at him long and hard. "Supposed to slam it after you drink it," he eventually said, nodding almost imperceptibly. "What's this about Red?"
"I thought you'd grab it away." Xander took his shot then reached out for another one before he answered Spike's question. "She knew where the guys were all along. She knew all about Angel and Wolfram and Hart and all the facts but did she tell me? No. No she left me worrying about everyone, left me comforting her because I thought fucking Angelus was back and after her. Left me chasing after the bastard until she had no choice but to tell me. At least you told me when you thought I was a schmuck."
"Still think you're a schmoo... a schmuz... stop using big words, it doesn't suit you," he said with a frown, "you thought Angelus was back and went after him yourself... you're a BIG Schmoo... bah.. git," he took the easy way out.
"See? You tell me. Besides, I didn't go after him, I followed him," Xander pouted, then downed another shot. "I stalked Angel. Aurgh, I sound like some sick obsessed guy."
"Now you're stalking me," he knew there was no way Xander would go drinking in a bar like this, if he weren't looking for him. "At least your taste is improving... if you've got this new stalking thing. Always into something or another, aren't you?" Spike took another shot.
"Yeah, it's a hobby, stalking souled vamps. That and saving the world on a yearly basis," Xander snarked. "You drank all the shots," he accused, already feeling a little lightheaded. "Get some more."
"More... yeah... this isn't a date," he muttered, though he reached into his pocket and paid for the drinks. "Have a few more and then let's go on a drunken kill... I want to see if you can shoot at things not me."
"Pffft...I've been shooting at things not you for years and years and years," Xander nodded at the bartender and downed another shot, "I only shot at you the one time, get over it already. You tried to kill me a bunch of times, am I holding that against you? Noooooooooooooooooooooo." Xander nodded as if that settled things. "Oh, and if this is a date? It's a pretty cheap one."
"It better be, because my dates... they usually give it up, yeah? A good roll," he nodded and raised his shot glass. "Kill things... or sex... kill things... or sex?" He hadn't had any in a bit, that was something he should take care of real soon.
"I'd usually go for sex," Xander commented after another shot. "Way more fun than killing things." He took one more shot before the meaning of Spike's words slammed into his befuddled brain. "Hey! There will be no sex with us, I am not in any way gay. Willow thought I was bi once but I'm not talking to her so what she thinks doesn't matter. At all. If she doesn't trust me, I don't trust her. So I am not gay."
Spike's eyes widened, as that had been the last thought in his mind. Had to be the liquor talking. "Good. Glad to hear it. Not that there's anything wrong with it, just ask Angel, the biggest poofter around." His lips twisted as that particular vampire's name dropped from his lips. He washed it away with more drinks. "Some peanuts for my friend here, yeah?" he looked at the bartender. "Drinking on an empty stomach gives him some bloody strange ideas. You haven't been spending too much time with Andrew, have you?"
"No. Why? You want to have sex with Andrew? But he's short! And it would be icky." Xander made a face at the thought of Andrew and Spike getting it on. "I could go for peanuts though," he said, perking up at the thought. "And can we get those multicoloured shots? I like the red and the green ones!"
Giving a visible shudder, Spike ordered, "red and green ones for the lady, I'll take the manly one."
"Not a lady," Xander muttered, "I'm a manly man."
The bar tender shook his head and lined up the drinks. "You're quickly becoming my best customer."
Spike gave a shrug.
"Could give better tips, though."
"Could give no tips," Spike drawled. "You got any ideas on tips, Xan?"
Xander blinked, then leaned across the bar towards the bartender, "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup," he said earnestly. "There," he continued, grinning at the bartender as he leaned back to his previous position, "your tip for the day."
"Not bad, Harris... I think I'm going to have to keep you sloshed."
"Yeah... real keeper," the bar tender made a face, wiped the counter and left.
"I think you scared him. Not bad, with him being a brackor demon. You wouldn't believe the size of their mouth when they're not hiding it."
Xander puffed up his chest, preening at the compliment. "See? I can be scary if I want to. You should tell that to Willow is what you should do. Tell her I'm a manly, scary man and I could have helped her if she'd asked. You tell her that," he nodded, wobbling slightly on his seat. "It's not right to keep things from your friends. You should trust them with the truth."
"Bloody damned straight! Secrets are bad... the root of all evil, even the bad kind of evil," he added, "I'll tell her... you're a man... and she should trust you.... and you know how to shoot non-evil souled vampires no problem."
"You mean I know how to save my friends even if I have to shoot them to do it," Xander countered with a glare. "So I'm loyal too. You tell her that."
"Will do," Spike slammed his glass against the one Xander was holding, sloshing the contents, then knocking his back. "Ready to go kill things?"
"Yup. Pay the bartender and oh, don't forget to tip. He likes tips," Xander snickered.
"Better if you thought less about tips, and more about moves... moves you're going to make, yeah?" Tossing the money onto the bar-top, Spike led the way out into the dark alley. Neither one of them was perfectly stable on his feet. "Balance is important. Best find it before we get on with the killing."
Xander very deliberately straightened his body to his full height and carefully walked a few steps. "See? Ba-l-a-nsssss" he said with a smug grin. "Weapons are also very important. I have my trusty axe with me," he continued, waving his axe around. As if he would do the round of demon bars without some kind of weapon. "Where's yours Spike?"
"You just said it." He gave Xander a meaningful look as they walked out. "I'm one big bad weapon," he said each word distinctly, as if explaining it to a child.
Xander giggled, then took one look at Spike's offended face and burst into a full giggle fit.
"Not funny, mate," with three fingers, he shoved Xander's shoulder, and laughed as as the boy stumbled.
"Is too," Xander said, grabbing hold of Spike's sleeve to steady himself. "Let's go hunt them demons. Want to kill things, remember?"
"Just mind you don't kill me by mistake," he reminded. "There's talk of something weird happening at one of these gated houses in the older part of town, let's go take a look."
Fifteen minutes later, they were standing outside a tall stone wall. Spike took one look at it, ran and jumped smack into the middle of it. "Bloody fucking hell," he called out as he landed on his ass. "Making the walls higher these days. Let's try the gate..."
Xander laughed so hard he fell on the ground next to Spike. "Yeah, gate," he agreed, still laughing madly. "I can't believe you just fell like that," he snickered.
"Didn't fall... I jumped back when I realized I wasn't about to make it, yeah," he put his hand on Xander's shoulder and pushed himself up ... nevermind that in his condition, Xander was hardly able to bear his weight. "Right... gates. You knock the guard out, I'll use his keys... not sure you can find the hole, way you are right now."
"Hey! I could so find the hole if I wanted to! Show me a hole and I can get my key in it!" Xander protested, all indignant about the slight in his hole-finding abilities. "And oh, I don't want to knock the guard out," he continued, glare turning into a pout. "I'll feel all guilty after."
"A bit scared, are you?" Spike eyes the lanky motionlesss guard. "He is a bit of a freak," he finally agreed. Stealthily, he stomped up to the guard and punched him in the face. "Oh shit...." his gaze followed the guard's head, now rolling toward Xander.
"Oh my God, what did you do? You killed the guard, you killed the guard!" Xander's voice went shrill as he pointed at the head, still rolling on the ground and jumped up and down in a panic.
"Stop yelling your head off, demons have sharp ears." Spike rubbed his knuckles on his pants, then shook his hand out. He was quite a bit stronger than even he'd thought. "Come on... he might grow another head - or two, he's still standing." Making sure to keep an eye on the potentially dangerous guard, he quickly worked the lock and pushed the large gate open.
Xander sidled past the head, and quickly followed Spike past the gate. He managed to keep quiet for five minutes as they patrolled, but quickly grew bored with the utter silence.
"So...see any demons?"
"Come out.... come out... wherever you are," Spike sang, jumping up onto the edge of a fountain and walking around it. "They like dark places... that's a dark place," he said pointing to a building that was detatched from the main building.
"Ohhh, it looks like an abandoned church!" Xander nearly bounced in anticipation. "There should be a nest of something or other in there, demons like old abandoned buildings, don't they?"
Raising his hand to his lips in a univeral 'shut up now' gesture, Spike nodded and investigated the building. The old door was slightly open. He slowly opened it wide enough for the two of them to get inside.
There was screeching coming from inside, and a rumbling chanting sound. "Let's hope they don't use sound as a weapon, didn't bring any ear plugs."
Xander held his axe ready to strike and bounced lightly on the soles of his feet. He hadn't had a good fight in ages and he couldn't wait to get into it with some demon or other. "Let's go then, come on Spike, let's fight the bastards."
"Death to the demons... watch where you swing that thing." With that, they pushed the doors open and walked in, two men hell bent on fighting the baddies. Spike couldn't help thinking there needed to be fog and mist... the moment was quite dramatic, as well as the high pitched screaming from the demons upon seeing Xander's axe, and quite possibly his game face.
"Skinny tall noisies," Spike pushed on of them, "not too fierce..." he pushed again, and the bloody thing fell over. "Come on then, fight..." he snarled.
"Let's get those bastards," Xander whooped and rushed into battle, easily overpowering three demons trying to attack him with their inky black wings. It took him a while to figure it out but suddenly it struck him...these demons were way too easy to beat. "Spike? I don't think these are evil demons," he yelled, trying to be heard above their high-pitched battle cry.
"You're stating the obvious, aren't you... they are clearly.... LESS evil demons. Let's tie them up and have the watcher's take care of them tomorrow. Give them something REAL to do," he said, grabbing another screeching demon and tying her wing to another ones. "Look... they're flexibleeeeee," he said, stretching a wing up for Xander to see.
With another battle-cry Xander started herding the demons towards Spike, then helped with the tying up. "You're right, they are flexible! Their wings are really soft."
He poked one in the midsection, "and I think they may be made of marshmallows... ow!" he shoved the black shadowy creature against the wall, "That hurt, yeah?" Slapped... he'd been bloody well slapped by a demon. "Duel's went out with the last century," he muttered, and quickly finished up his work.
"Come on, that was enough of a work-out," he put an arm around Xander's shoulder, "Time to go... you can clean up the mess with your tin can broth... breth... brethern and Giles tomorrow." Weaving and whistling, they left the demons to their high pitched cries and strange panting sound. "Maybe they're in mating season... some demons lose all fighting ability... I felt something wet touch me, did you feel...." Spike blinked and put all thoughts of how he might have gotten wet out of his mind.
Yawning broadly, Spike ambled to the door of his apartment, opened it, confirmed a neighbor had received the newspaper, and quickly snagged it. It would go good with his morning cup of warmed blood. On the way in, he stopped mid-stride and stared at the front page.
The headline: Perverts Get Their Jollies Trussing Up Nuns
His gaze slid to the photo of approximately a dozen nuns tied up into some sort of pyramid shape. Legs sticking out, habits and sleeves used to tie them together, headpieces a skew... memories started to flood back.
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