SNAFU


by

Nash
and
Virtual Personal



Part Three

It was well past noon, and no one seemed to be around, except Xander... who Spike had left in bed. It was odd. More than odd, it was throwing him off... waking to find the boys arms locked around him, his mouth pressed against his bare chest. Worse yet, getting up to see they were both stark naked.

As he'd dressed, the strange events of the drunken night slowly unfolded in his mind. Even now, it felt surreal... like he hadn't really been there talking about shapes and sizes... Except the bit where he'd kissed the boy, that part was entirely too real.

Blinking away the semi-disturbing memories, Spike quietly moved about the kitchen, making a coffee chaser for the mug of blood that had just slid down his throat. A bit of toast wouldn't go amiss, he thought, putting a few slices into the toaster. Then he heard the footsteps coming down the stairs, and tensed slightly.

Xander wandered down the stairs, following the delicious coffee smell. He'd woken up naked, which wasn't such a rare occurrence, and alone, which was odd when in combination with the nakedness. It had taken him a few confused moments to remember what had happened the night before. Still sleepy and a little bit hungover he'd gotten washed and dressed and gone in search of Spike.

"Hey, blondie," he said around a yawn. "Coffee for me too?"

"Blondie, is it?" Spike gave him a semi-surly look, but poured the coffee and pushed the mug toward him. Maybe the alcohol had muddled his brain and he remembered none of it. That would be good.

"You're blond," Xander shrugged, "though the curtains certainly don't match the carpet," he added with a smirk.

"What?" He started to look at the drapes, then his eyes snapped back to Xander. Jaw tightening as he tried not to remember the back and forths, and how Xander felt against him, he pointed at the mug with his chin. "Drink up, still sound a bit drunk. You want the toast?"

Xander resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the clumsy change of topic. He sipped at his coffee and pulled the toast plate closer to him. It didn't mean he would just give up but he would get some energy before tackling the Spike issue.

"Could put some bacon on if you want," he offered, "I'm good with all sorts of meat."

Just because he was taking a break didn't mean he couldn't flirt.

This time, his meaning was immediately clear to Spike. "Are you now? I'm fine, don't need any m... bacon." Ordinarily he'd either tell Xander to sod off, or join in the verbal sparring. Something was making him feel edgy... like he was at some sort of crossroads here. Course he was feeling strange... his Xander would never speak like this to him. Would never have kissed him like that.

To escape from Xander's gaze, he opened the fridge and looked for jam and butter.

"Looks to me like you do," Xander said lightly, ogling Spike's ass as he looked into the fridge. "You're just being your usual FAV self."

"And how's that?" he turned and gave Xander a pointed look. "You've got your coffee and your bleeding toast... not so much bleeding, but that's not a bad idea," he pondered the combination of blood and toast for a minute, "and you're about to get jam. Something about the service got your goat?"

Xander took another sip of coffee and licked his lips. "You're refusing bacon. Not to boast or anything but there aren't a lot of men out there who said no when I offered to cook for them," he smiled.

"Vampires don't eat." He brushed the tell tale crumbs from his shirt. "You can cook if you want to, is a free kitchen." He wasn't used to the crackle of energy that passed between them when their eyes met. He hated it... it was too strange.

"Ah, but you're no ordinary vampire," Xander pointed out, "You eat all sorts of things. Not to mention, I'm a damn good cook," he said with a certain amount of pride.

"Kitchen's yours, I'm going out." The flourish with which he made that announcement was completely wasted because once he reached the door, he realized it was daylight. One very frustrated vampire went and sat down in front of the telly, staring at its blank screen.

Xander snickered quietly to himself.

"Touchy little vampire aren't you?" he called out as Spike stomped from the room.


~*~*~*~*~


He was supposed to be patrolling with his Xander Harris. Instead, plans had changed at the last moment, and it was even-louder-mouthed Xander who was playing side kick for a night. It made the vampire a bit nervous, something he hadn't felt in aeons. He didn't quite know what to do with it... these feelings, and with them clashing with his images of his own Xander... then there was the fact that this kid was probably confusing him with his Spike.

Once they were in the thick of things, Spike forgot everything. There was a lot of activity tonight, and he was happy to see that Xander was up to fighting vampires. He knew when to go for the kill, and when to keep out of the way. Had to give him that.

The graveyard was crawling with fledglings tonight. That 'bus accident' had been a vampire attack, it appeared. "Now why is it the new ones think they're bigger and badder than all the vampires that came before them," Spike groused, staking a woman who'd just told him she had no idea who William The Bloody was, but would kick his ass after she got through with Spike's.

"I don't know," Xander replied from his perch on a nearby headstone. He'd finished a couple of vamps but was wise enough to let Spike deal with the rest of them. Changing realities hadn't helped his fighting skills any. "But personally, I would never even think of kicking your ass. It's too pretty to be bruised!"

"Wha--" Spike took a direct hit to his jaw, turned and gave Xander an accusatory look. "Whose side you on, mate?"

The other vampire roared its triumph and rushed Spike, only to find itself picked up and thrown onto a wooden cross marking an old grave. Its ashes scattered over the ground.

"The side that's right behind you!" Xander grinned.

"Hmph." Grabbing the last vampire, he said, "Point the stick," and shoved the vampire straight at Xander.

Xander pointed the stake at the oncoming vampire, mouth firmly closed until after the dust was blowing in the wind. You could only get dust in your mouth so many times before you learned to shut up.

"That was fun," he said with a smile, stepping off the headstone and towards Spike.

"Was a bit," Spike agreed, meeting him half way. "Let's get drinks, did a lot of the heavy lifting there, yeah."

"Mmmm," Xander agreed. He suddenly reached out and grabbed Spike's shirt, dragging him closer. "Ever tell you how hot you look when you fight?" he asked, leaning forward to nuzzle at the blond's neck.

Between the innuendos Xander had been throwing his way all night and flashes of memory reminding him of that drunken kiss they'd shared, Spike had somehow lost his equilibrium. But that was nothing compared to this... finding himself manhandled, when he was the one used to doing the manhandling... finding firm, warm lips pressing unexpected kisses across the sensitive skin of his throat... and finding his body responding, hardening, a thrill passing through him. "Harris..." even as he protested his hands came to Xander's waist, and his mouth was only inches away from the boys.

"Yes?" Xander said. Before Spike could say anything stupid and ruin this, Xander firmly pressed his lips against the blond's. He cupped Spike's face, holding it steady as he kissed him time and time again, feather-light and soft.

Wrong. Wrong. a part of Spike's mind screamed, but his senses were swimming, and his body was definitely disagreeing. Overtaken by needs he wasn't about to think about, he not only responded, but found himself eventually forcing Xander closer, until their bodies pressed tightly together as he deepened the kiss. Their tongues danced and duelled, their hands moved over each other, exploring... learning, and Spike slowly started to go down in flames.

Once Spike gave in Xander relaxed into the sensations. He'd imagined what kissing Spike would be like and he'd gotten a small taste before but this, this was something beyond anything he'd ever expected.

"Stupid breathing," he muttered as he drew back from the kiss, immediately going back for more.

Maybe if this Xander had been clumsy or fumbled, or if he hadn't been such an experienced kisser, Spike would have come to his senses. Instead, hands still on the boy's hips, the vampire was dragging Xander back up against him as their mouths moved over each other, taking, giving, exploring new territory. Needing more, he cursed lightly and slid his palms over Xander's arse, moulding his body close and shivering as they groins brushed together.

Xander arched into Spike's touch, pushing harder onto his body. He groaned as the pressure against his cock increased and moved again to reprise the feeling. He whispered Spike's name and reached for another kiss.

Spike started dragging his lips across Xander's when his elbow started to burn and he jerked, finding that he'd accidentally started to lean on a cross in the cemetery. "Fu--" Then he realized what they'd been about, and quickly detangled himself from Xander. Though he was slightly more shaken then he let on, Spike wagged a finger. "Not smart. Playing games like this ."

"Who's playing games?" Xander said, trying to pull Spike back into his arms.

Spike stopped before their mouths touched again. "You're trying to shag your dream. I'm not your dream," he said, directly, trying hard to ignore the pounding of Xander's heart and the feel of his hands tugging him.

"I'm trying to shag you but you're not cooperating," Xander complained. The words gave him pause and he let go of Spike suddenly. "Unless you're..." he paused, looking at Spike in confusion, "Spike, are you straight? Because if you are, all the kissing before was very mean."

"Straight... bent... s'all the same to me. Live in the moment, yeah?" Then his gaze narrowed, "What do you mean I'm mean... you're the one who kissed me." Still trying to kiss him, from the way he was straining to get close.

"You're the one who kissed me back," Xander pointed out, fairly reasonably he thought. He went back to tugging Spike closer.

Their mouths brushed together, sending a new flood of heat through Spike's system. "Fuck..." he pulled back slightly, but his eyes reflected his hunger. "I don't do bloody acronyms, and I'm not your father figure, either... think about this. THINK." He wouldn't put it past the boy to have made up all sorts of fantasies about being with his cowardly soulless Spike.

Xander stepped back with a sigh.

"Okay, one? If you were my father figure this," he gestured between the two of them, "would be icky. Two? You know that any Xander in any reality can't be all that good at thinking," he concluded.

"Probably what he thought too," Spike gave a lop-sided smile. "And what about three? Can you handle a shag... just a shag?" His body was rearing to go, and maybe, just maybe this Xander was growing on him, but he'd need to go back to his dimension one day, there was no changing that. "Because I'm not prepared to deal with a Slayer with a bug up her arse coming at me about breaking you or what not."

"I don't break easy," Xander said firmly enough that even he believed it for a second. After all, a simple taste of Spike was better than no taste at all!

Spike gave him a long look, searching his face... looking for the truth. He didn't know the answer, but he knew that every cell in his body was screaming to go... to pick up where they'd stopped. "Right, then," he hooked his finger over the neck line of Xander's tee shirt, dragging it half way down his chest, and swooped in, kissing and tasting his way across the narrow sliver of skin he'd revealed.

Xander stumbled back against the trunk of a tree. He widened his legs, allowing Spike to push closer to him and bringing their bodies flush together. He wrapped his arms around the blond, touching everywhere he could reach before coming to rest against Spike's ass and pulling him harder against him.

The instant Xander's hips rocked up against him, a fever swept through Spike. Pulling back, he quickly removed Xander's shirt, and then he was on him again, mouth to mouth... hungry, he hadn't realized how hungry he was, or how much he needed this. The hands kneading his arse and tugging on his hips were hard, not gentle. The boy kissed like a man... hard, demanding, not giving any quarter, and Spike liked it. Groaning lightly, he ran his hands over Xander's broad shoulders, then brought them down to his belt. "Do you want to fuck or get fucked," he asked, not caring much what the answer was, but desperately needing to be free of his clothes.

"God, anything," Xander moaned. He shifted against the tree and inadvertently scratched his lower back on a low hanging branch. "Damn," he cursed, voice tight with pain instead of pleasure. "Spike, fuck, Spike, please stop before I can't stop you."

Spike blinked. "What now... stop, you want to stop?" Suddenly, he realized that despite the words, he was busy undoing Xander's buckle and he was getting ready to open his pants up. "What do you mean can't stop me... I'm stopping... slowly stopping." He staggered back. His eyes flashed with indignation and anger. "Look mate, play your games with someone else." He was neither into stop and go sex, nor was he about to be accused of pushing Xander into this, for the second bloody time in one night!

"What is your obsession with games?" Xander demanded. He tried to turn and get a glimpse at the scratch but he couldn't even touch it.

"Go home, Harris." Spike was still dealing with the hormones raging through his system, and trying to reconcile that with Xander's adamant request they stop. "What are you doing... never mind." He needed a stiff drink. Why did he have to think THAT word? Most likely because his cock was so stiff with need, apparently need that would be unfulfilled, his mind was just rubbing it in.

"Oh that's a great idea," Xander smiled, scratch forgotten as image after image of Spike naked in his bed, his shower, his floor even, rushed through his head. He grabbed Spike's wrist and started tugging him along. "If we walk really fast we can be there in less than twenty minutes. I'd offer to run but it's practically impossible, with the state I'm in."

"You're mad, and you're driving me mad." Spike came to a stop and refused to budge. "Look, I've about had it with you for one night. You can't seem to make up your mind, then you accuse me of forcing you, and now..." He tugged his arm away. "What's next, we get home and you yell rape or some other nonsense of your own making. No thanks. Go." As he searched the boy's face, his gaze lingered on his swollen mouth. Closing his eyes, he tried to forget.

Xander stared at Spike, looking about as confused as he felt. He re-ran the last few minutes in his head. They were making out, he got scratched, change of venue for maximum comfort and minimum scarring.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. Maybe Spike liked kinky graveyard sex. "It's not that I mind fucking in a graveyard," Xander explained, "we can do it some other time. I am a little disturbed by it but hey, to each his own. Maybe against a wall though. Trees are scratchy."

"Tree scratchy, what are you Buffy?" The fact that he as speaking like her was beside the point though, especially now. "Wait, when you said stop... you meant... Right, run." This time he was the one who grabbed Xander around the wrist and started toward the house at a dead run.

"You're very, very strange, did you know that?" Xander asked but then Spike tugged at him again and he was too busy running to say anything else.

"Ditto. And don't start off with any of your bloody acronyms."

Twenty minutes later, Spike was walking backwards climbing up the stairs, and Xander was advancing on him.

"Think we can both be on my bed and naked in the next five minutes?" Xander asked, licking his lips as Spike's shirt rode up a bit exposing smooth, pale skin.

"You sure the mattress will be soft enough for your royal highness? I don't think I can start and stop again..." he dodged Xander's attempt to kiss him, and kept backing up.

"Oh I'm sure you'll be able to take my mind off any discomfort," Xander retorted. He moved forward again and pressed a soft kiss on Spike's stomach, brushing against his erection on the way.

His stomach sizzled... burned where Xander's mouth touched. Spike gripped the railing and swallowed hard. "I'm thinking it’s you who’s going to be taking my mind off the discomfort." He nodded toward the hard bulge under his pants, and imagined Xander's mouth around his cock.

"Anything you want, just please, move faster."

Xander reached out and trailed a finger over Spike's denim-covered cock, hoping to convince the blond to hurry.

Trapping Xander's hand against him, Spike leaned down and kissed the corner of Xander's mouth, dipping his tongue inside just a bit, before withdrawing. "Right... fast." Turning, the vampire took the rest of the stairs two at a time, and was inside Xander's room and taking his shirt off, as he watched the door like a hawk... waiting for its prey.

"Fucking tease," Xander grinned and raced after Spike.

He stumbled over his own feet as he tried to tug his tee shirt off while he ran. By the time he got through the door, his tee shirt was off and he'd managed to get his fly open.

In two strides, Spike was in front of him, drawing him into his arms... their bare chests sliding together. He'd worked his pants open so when he rocked his hips, he fused their cocks together, jeans and shorts be damned, he needed the pressure and he'd have it. "Xander," he groaned against the boy's throat, nipping him lightly. "Need you. Really bad," he admitted, squeezing the boys arse and trying to tug his jeans down.

One touch of Spike's skin against his own and Xander was lost. He tilted his head back, giving Spike more access. "You can have me any time," he started to tease, smile lost in a moan as Spike nipped a particularly sensitive spot.

"Not what you were saying in the graveyard. Could've been on round two by now," he complained, his body going taut against Xander's as he pressed his heavy erection into him and moved his hands restlessly over his body, moulding him closer.

At first, he moved slowly, touching, tasting... moving his mouth over Xander's throat, his need sharpening with every pulse that beat under his tongue. He moved his hands up, cupping each side of the boy's face, tracing his ears with his long fingers as he brought his mouth down over Xander's in a long, mind-drugging kiss. With every touch, every kiss, he made bloody sure he had Xander's attention, and that there would be no going back this time.

"Just because, oh just there," Xander arched into Spike's hand as he traced over a particularly sensitive spot, "Just because I don't like trees," he managed to say as Spike pushed him against the wall.

With all the chasing he'd had to do to get Spike in his bed, Xander hadn't expected Spike to suddenly take charge but the surprise was nothing but pleasant. He let Spike keep the lead, responding fiercely to the blond's touch. Spike seemed intent to touch and lick and bite every part of Xander's body and he was eager to return the favour. Vampire strength kept him pinned to the wall as Spike touched and licked a trail down his chest.

Raking his fingers down Xander's tight abs, Spike followed with his mouth, torturing and teasing a trail down to the boy's now very prominent arousal. Gripping his jeans, he pulled them down, taking them off together with the distracting cartoon shorts. A strangled sound came from Spike. He recalled seeing how well endowed Xander was, but he'd been drunk, and it only hit home now. Grasping his cock, he ran his thumb up from his sack to his crown, repeating the motion until Xander was so hard he had to be aching for some relief.

"Fuck, Spike," Xander moaned, arching into the touch. He reached out to touch Spike, intending to push him lower but instead of skin his hands encountered cloth. "You're way too dressed," he said, panting as Spike kept moving his hand.

"And you're way too talky," the vampire answered, finally bringing his mouth over Xander's tip. He sucked it lightly, rolling his tongue around to tease and pleasure. With one hand, he continued to stroke with his thumb, knowing the differing sensations would slowly drive Xander to the edge. With his free hand, he pushed Xander's jeans all the way down, and moved his palm over Xander's arse, dragging him closer each time he sucked.

Any words he'd meant to say were gone the moment Spike's mouth descended on him. All Xander could do was moan and push into Spike's mouth and hand. His hands moved from Spike's hair, to his shoulders, to the wall behind him. Spike was relentless, driving him closer and closer to orgasm but never letting him go over.

"Please, Spike, please..."

The raw need in Xander's voice got to him. Spike worked him up just a little more, then stood up and stripped the remainder of both their clothes. "On the bed," he nodded toward it, leaning forward and melding his mouth with Xander's as he walked him backwards toward it.

Xander nodded and hastily clambered on the bed, one hand around Spike's shoulders to drag him along. He kept their mouths together as much as he could, until he was lying on his back with Spike on top of him. He gasped as their bodies came into full contact.

Felt so good, having Xander completely naked, hot and squirming under him. Felt even better having his fingers biting into his shoulder and ass, telling him to get on with it. Bracing some of his weight on one arm, he shifted, aligning their bodies so that when he started thrusting, their cocks met and stroked together with each pass of his body. "Good," he croaked, kissing the hollow of Xander's throat, tonguing it... tasting him. "Never did say how you like it."

"I'm an EOS," Xander smirked, tilting his head back for more access.

"You're bloody fucking what?" Spike actually stopped fucking, and stared. "Not the time for riddles, yeah?"

"Equal Opportunity Shag," Xander laughed, then lifted his head to kiss Spike. "My world's Spike used to say that whenever someone asked him if he was gay or straight."

A flash of jealousy had Spike kissing Xander back with brutal force, then pulling away. "I'm not him. Just you remember that." Staring intently down into Xander's face, he started to fuck again, each thrust a bit stronger than the last.

"As if," Xander gasped as Spike pushed down hard, "As if I could ever confuse you two."

"Good answer." He didn't know why, but a strong thrill went through him. After a few more strong thrusts, he leaned toward the nightstand and found the lube. "Pull your legs up," he said.

Gazes locked, he teased Xander's entrance, spreading the ointment over it and finally inserting two fingers inside him. The way Xander was looking back, the way he was always in flirt mode, it told him Xander had been around the block a lot... but he wanted this to be special. Right... he was the one who'd asked if Xander could handle just sex...

Shoving those interfering thoughts out of his mind, he scooted close and started to push his cock inside, biting his lower lip at the pleasure arcing through him. "You're going to say BFE after this."

"Now who's speaking in riddles," Xander laughed, ending in a strangled moan as Spike was suddenly in him. He automatically wrapped his arms around Spike's back, slowly down to his ass. Xander used all the leverage he could get, his feet pushing him up from the bed, his hands pulling Spike in until he was buried inside Xander. "Oh God," he moaned, going still until he could get used to the invasion.

Blinding heat made Spike crazy with the need to fuck, but he held still... pulled out a little and worked himself in slower this time. His cock surged and pulsed, the pressure building low in his belly. Just when he thought he was about to die, Xander started to fuck. "Yeah..."

He started to stroke... deep, long strokes, angling just so... making sure to hit Xander's pleasure point. "Open your mouth," he whispered, dipping his tongue inside, exploring... fucking Xander's mouth with the same slow, controlled movements that were killing him.

"Drive me mad," Xander said, punctuating each word with a thrust of his hips. He was so close, so damn close, if only Spike would move a little bit faster. "More, please."

"Sound like Oliver Twist. Good thing I'm not the master of the workhouse. Am the master of other things," he managed to say, sliding his hand under Xander's arse and practically lifting him off the bed. "Need you too," he admitted. Closing his eyes, he started to fuck hard and fast, short strokes and long, "Oh God... Xander," he started to move so fast the bed started creaking. "Come on... come on," he moved his mouth over Xander's, melding them together as shocks of burning heat washed over him, bringing him one step closer.

Xander redoubled his efforts, kissing Spike hard, eyes closed to enjoy the feelings more. He was so close, so close and then, with one more thrust from Spike he was coming. He froze in position as the sensations washed over him, clenching around Spike until finally he slumped, relaxed on the bed.

"Good... so good," Spike thrust one last time, trying to make the moment last. "Best Fuck Ever." Still holding Xander, he rolled so that they were both on their sides, looking at each other. "Say it," he smirked.

"Best. Fuck. Ever." Xander agreed promptly. He grinned sleepily at Spike, then went to close his eye. "Oh!" he exclaimed, his grin more alive now, "BFE, best fuck ever. You made an acronym," he poked at Spike's ribs.

Spike snorted. "Shut up. It's the first and last one, yeah?" Seeking out Xander's mouth, he kissed him again. "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"You asking me out on a date? Because, fair warning, I'm going to say 'yes'," Xander teased.





Part Four

[3 Months Later]

The place was crowded enough for them to walk hand in hand with no one commenting but not so crowded that there was no place to move. Xander looked around, ostensibly looking for possible vampires.

"Ohhhh, Spike, look there's a haunted house!" he exclaimed, tugging at Spike's hand to drag him towards the ride. "You can freak out the kids by going all grrr." He stopped walking long enough for a quick kiss and another mouthful of cotton candy. It was his third one in the last hour and he was beginning to feel the sugar rush.

"You're going to get sick on that," Spike predicted, licking his now sticky lips. "What about the clown tent, I show my fangs there... now THAT will be fun." What was the fun in scaring people who were prepared to be scared?

Putting his hand behind Xander's back, he started to walk through the park, stopping near the ferris wheel to light up his smoke. "Or the fun house. Got mirrors in there... I love seeing my distorted non-reflection."

"I never got sick on it before," Xander pointed out, pushing another piece in his mouth. "Clowns freak me out," he said after he swallowed, "Heights, however are good," he concluded, looking up at the ferris wheel. "Wanna go up there?"

Spike looked up and as an idea came to mind, he practically leered. "No one can see us sitting in one of those... you could," he nodded downwards, toward the slight bulge in his pants.

"No, I couldn't," Xander answered promptly.

"Why not? Come on luv, no one will see." At that moment, he couldn't think of anything that would make him happier than Xander on his knees while they were spinning about. "I'll tell you how good you are at it," he bribed, knowing how much Xander loved to be complimented.

"No way, no how, nuh-uh," Xander shook his head to underline his reply, "There are LKs around here and I refuse to traumatize them more than the clowns will." Spike seemed about to protest again so Xander pushed a handful of cotton candy in his mouth. "You can suck on that if you want."

Though he frowned, Spike did suck... ever so suggestively, and then he dipped his head to suck the tip of Xander's finger. Smirking at the look that crossed Xander's features, he backed up to the ferris wheel, and then entered the short line where they were ushering people onto the ride.

"That was underhanded," Xander sulked as he came to stand next to Spike. He leaned close to whisper in Spike's ear. "The answer is still 'no' though."

"We'll see," Spike retorted, his heated gaze sweeping over his lover full of promises that could not be mistaken. The line moved, and he entered the car, hiding his cigarette in his hand. Xander sat across from him, and the car slowly moved up so that the next set of passengers could get in.

Spike opened his trenchcoat and sat with his legs spread wide apart. He pulled his tight black tee shirt up to reveal a sliver of skin right above the waistband of his pants. Leaning back and looking relaxed but seductive, he brought his cigarette to his mouth and blew out some rings... only they were almost heart shaped. His gaze never left Xander's face.

"No," Xander said firmly. He stubbornly looked away for fear he might give in. "No nookie in the ferris wheel."

Looking around once, Spike undid his safety belt, leaned forward and putting his hand behind Xander's head, captured his mouth in a lingering kiss that left Xander' breathless. Satisfied that Xander looked nowhere near as cool as he had before, he smirked and sat back, striking a suggestive pose again.

"No," Xander repeated, this time more breathless than firm. "Kids, trauma, bad," he stammered. Event through his denial he couldn't stop staring at Spike.

Hooking his thumb in his waistband, Spike continued to stare, letting Xander see the hunger in his eyes. More smoke curled from his lips.

Xander leaned forward, only the safety belt keeping him from toppling off his seat. ‘Just say no’, flashed through his head, with a big picture of Spike underneath the slogan. He moved to go back, intent on telling Spike to can it when the blond licked his lips.

"Not fair," he mumbled, "making me want a taste."

"All's fair." He was practically willing Xander to make a move when his bloody phone went off and broke the spell.

"Don't move. We're starting right from where we stopped," he said to Xander, putting the phone to his ear. "No haven't run into trouble yet, not the sort I want anyway," Spike said. He was about to tell Willow there was nothing to report, when what she said made him fall silent. Occasionally, he stole glances at Xander... all the heat and mirth now gone from his eyes.

"What? Is it another apocalypse?" Xander asked, worried at the sudden change in mood. "Have you had the one with the big green giant? If it's that one then it's easy, you pelt him with hummus!" he said, inviting Spike to laugh with him.

Slipping the phone into his pocket, Spike merely looked away... out at the park, hearing the laughter and the chatter, and wondering if it would go quiet all of sudden. At least for him. He didn't want to see the joy on Xander's face, or hear his whoops... he was a right selfish bastard sometimes.

"Spike, I'm really freaking out now. Is it one of the girls? Is it Xander? Oh God, something happened to Dawn, right?"

"No...Nothing like that." Spike swallowed. "Red says she can get you home now."

Xander was on the verge of demanding Spike tell him what was going on when Spike actually did.

"Oh."

He'd grown used to this place. Willow's sexuality was pretty much the only big difference and that was easy to accept. Even Xander had grown on him, like having a twin who could figure out what you were thinking just by looking at you. But his girls, his real girls, were back home and they would be worried sick. He could find Spike, his world's Spike, and tell him it was okay that he left. He could talk to Buffy again, ask her why she'd felt so lost. He could tease Dawn about her boyfriend, the college guy.

But all that would mean giving up his Spike.

"Oh," he repeated, slumping back on his seat.

"Yeah." The vampire knew it had taken Xander about ten mental steps to get there, but the end conclusion was the same, he was going to leave him. Just when he'd bloody fucking gotten used to having him around. It was more than that.

The ride stopped, and he wordlessly got off. Yeah... he was trying to get used to being alone, even before Xander, his Xander with the sailor's mouth, and odd achronyms that made him want to gag or laugh...or both, and his knowing, less than innocent ways, had taken a step away from him.

When they got off the ferris wheel, Xander automatically reached out for Spike's sleeve, the way he'd always done when he was little. Spike had thought hand-holding was for humans but he'd freely offered his coat sleeve for Xander to clutch at whenever he was nervous.

He breathed slowly and deeply, trying to stave off a panic attack. His mind kept going round in circles, giving him all sorts of examples of what he would do when he went home then ending up with losing his Spike.

"When?" he asked quietly.

Suddenly the merry making clowns were a source of annoyance, though Spike wished he could drown himself in their laughter. "Full moon. Tomorrow," he glanced at Xander as they headed toward the exit, away from the noise.

He was aware that Xander was holding on to him. Probably trying to find the words to say goodbye. Unable to take it, Spike turned and caught Xander's jacked and dragged him close, kissing him hard... kissing him goodbye, right there, in front of anyone who cared to pass by. He felt Xander's arms go around him, felt the desperation in his kiss... and then it was over and they were both staggering backwards away from each other.

"Your mates back there will be happy," he forced the words out, he should be happy for Xander... should be happy he could find his way home.

"Yeah."

They were probably worried to death about him and all he could think of was losing Spike. He could be a selfish fucker sometimes.

"Maybe you could...maybe you could come?" he said softly, looking at the ground, the sky, the rides...anywhere but Spike.

For a mad moment in time, Spike thought about it. Then he shook his head no. "I've got a life here. Slayers to train. Bit to watch over." He tried to imagine himself elsewhere, but he had too much history... he'd gone through so bloody much to get from being William the Bloody to a souled - yet still badass - vampire, and he couldn't leave the people he'd done it with behind.

"Besides, can you really imagine a world with two of me?" He cocked his head, tried to smile. "We'd either end up killing each other or I'd end up killing him... can't feel special with two of you in a world."

"I do okay," Xander mumbled. He let go of Spike's sleeve and started moving towards the exit. "We should probably go home," he said, face tilted down and shoulders hunched.

Spike's mouth went dry. "You're really going to leave me, then?" He wanted to break something. "You go on. I'll be along later."

"Please don't go."

The words were out before Xander could censor himself. He looked at Spike helplessly, like he was a teenager again, losing Spike and unable to stop it. "I don't know what to do," he admitted. "Don't go," he asked again, feeling more lost than ever.

His self preservation instincts yelled at him to leave, but that lost look on Xander's face broke him. In two steps, he was at his side, holding him with one arm, leaving hardly any space between them as they walked slowly home.

Xander was quiet, clutching desperately at Spike and trying to think of a way to have everything. The girls here were practically identical to his but they still weren't the same. But the Spike of his world...he wasn't this Spike, the Spike.

Each lost in his own thoughts, held in the grip of emotions and the knowledge tomorrow would not be better than today, no more words were exchanged between them. They got home, stripped, made desperate love... hard and fast, slow and tender... always searching each others' faces, always looking for answers.
With each hard kiss, each brush of his mouth over Xander, Spike memorized his boy. The sensitive place near his ear that always had him whimpering when kissed, the way his hair curled at the nape of his neck, the planes and grooves of his muscled chest… and bloody hell, those abs. The way he could get him going, again and again, with just a few choice words whispered thickly as he touched him.

They held onto each other, never leaving any space between them as they repeatedly groaned out their releases. And when Xander fell asleep on his chest, an exhausted mess, Spike stroked his hair and said one word out loud.

"Stay."

It could have been to Xander, or to the powers... or a prayer.




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