Disclaimer:I own nothing. Joss owns all. You know the drill.   All characters from the Buffy and Angel television shows are the sole property of Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, Mutant Enemy, and all other affiliates.

Written for the Cole Porter Ficathon for the lovely darkhavens. Xander gets inspired by the song. Spike falls off his chair

Let's Do It


But that’s why birds do it,
Bees do it,
Even educated flees do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

In Spain the best upper sets do it,
Lithuanians in Lutz do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

The Dutch in old Amsterdam do it,
Not to mention the Finns,
Folks in Siam do it,
Think of Siamese twins.

Some Argentines without means do it,
People say in Boston even beans do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

Romantic sponges they say do it,
Oysters down in Oyster Bay do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

Cold Cape Cod clams ‘gainst their wish do it,
Even lazy jellyfish do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

Electric eels, I might add, do it,
Though it shocks ‘em I know,
Why ask if shads do it,
Waiter bring me shad roe.

In shallow shoals English soles do it,
Goldfish in the privacy of bowls do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

The dragonflies in the reeds do it,
Sentimental centipedes do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

Mosquitoes, heaven forbid, do it,
So does every katydid do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

The most refined ladybugs do it,
When a gentleman calls,
Moths in your rugs do it,
What’s the use of moth balls?

Locusts in trees do it,
Bees do it,
Even overeducated flees do it,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.

Let’s do it, let’s fall in love,
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love

Xander hummed along to the radio, mumbling the lyrics and then saying ‘do it’ with gusto. He couldn’t for the life of him sing all the lyrics but he was fairly sure there was always a ‘do it’ at the end.

“We should fall in love,” he said absently, causing Spike to splutter and fall off his chair.

“We should what now?”

“Not with each other, dumbass,” he covered quickly, inwardly cursing himself. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Since the first time ‘experimenting’ at the basement, he and Spike had been pretty regular fuck-buddies but no word of emotions crossed their lips. Whatever they had going was strictly for fun, no need for them pesky feelings to get in the way.

“I’m just saying; we should fall in love. Birds, bees and random other animals do it, why shouldn’t we? I mean, it’s spring, people fall in love in the spring!”

Spike glared from his position on the floor and carefully got up, dusted himself off and whacked Xander on the back of the head.

“Do not say things like that to me,” he growled, “Love is nothing but pain anyway, why would you want to fall in love?”

So asking, Spike sprawled in the couch and grabbed a magazine, leafing through it aimlessly.

“Well that’s a change in tune,” Xander said quietly, upset that Spike would dismiss falling for him so casually. “Didn’t you go on and on about being love’s bitch and stuff?”

“What?” Spike asked, startled out of his daydream.

“You made Buffy whine and complain for weeks Spike!” Xander accused, “I heard your entire speech over and over again, along with declarations that her and Angel were soooo different from insane vision girl and psychotic bleached vampire.”

Looking decidedly disgruntled, Spike went back to reading his magazine.

“Yeah well, just because I’m a sucker for it doesn’t mean I like it,” he muttered.

Xander watched Spike reading, unsettled by how much he wanted to convince him that love was worth it. Not like he had any claims over the vampire, they’d both said often enough that it was just sex between them. Just because he’d developed fuzzy feelings for him didn’t mean he had any sway over Spike’s emotions.

“It doesn’t have to be about the pain. People in love are mostly happy,” he insisted.

“Oh yeah? Prove it then, Xan. Name one happy couple.”

“Willow and Oz. They had the whole, love of their teenage lives thing going.” Xander promptly replied.

“Didn’t she cheat on him with you?” Spike asked, raising his eyebrow. “And then he cheated on her and left her. Let’s not forget the big come back where he discovered she was a lesbian.”

“Okay, fine, bad example. Giles and Ms Calendar then. She even got him to like monster trucks!” Xander exclaimed, crossing his arms.

“Angelus killed her and the Watcher found her,” Spike said casually, his attention wandering back to the magazine.

“Angel and Buffy,” Xander countered, “And the whole Angelus thing doesn’t count because that’s not who she was in love with,” he hastened to add.

“He left her to play Batman in L.A. and broke her heart into itty bitty pieces.”

“Well, Riley and Buffy then.”

“He left her to play GI Joe in the jungle and came back married.” Spike glanced up thoughtfully for a moment. “Huh…didn’t that college kid leave her too? See the pattern there?”

“Giles and Olivia, Brits in love. Buffy even admitted they looked good together.”

“Thought she scampered off after she found out demons were real.” He looked at Xander over the magazine, a challenging look in his eyes. “You could at least make me try, pet. These are too easy.”

Xander pouted, lapsing into silence for a moment.

“Willow and Tara,” he finally said.

“Oh please, Red screwed over Tara’s mind. They’re barely talking now!”

Xander threw a cushion at Spike, ignoring the glare he received in return. He wanted Spike to stop acting like an idiot and fall in love already! Preferably with him, not that he would admit to that out loud. Suddenly, the perfect example occurred to him, one that he was reluctant to use for some reason but…

“You and Dru,” he whispered.

“Me and Dru what, pet?”


This time Spike stared at him…for a long time…with the most incredulous look Xander had ever seen on a person’s face before.

“You’re using Dru and me as an example? Are you daft? She wanted Angelus more than me! She left me for a bloody Chaos demon! She shattered my heart!”

“So what, you’re never going to fall in love again, ever? Just because some insane bitch who didn’t know what was good for her dumped you?” Xander demanded, glaring at Spike. It was bad enough that he wanted the stupid vampire, he didn’t want to care about whether Spike wanted love or not. “The woman is obviously insane, why else would she dump you?!”

Spike finally put the magazine to one side and studied Xander.

“What?” Xander demanded, still holding on to his sulk.

“You seem very invested in getting me to fall in love again, Xan. Mind sharing the reason?” he asked slowly, looking thoughtfully at Xander all the while.

Xander’s eyes widened in horror as he realized that he’d just all but told Spike he wanted his love.

“Invested?” he squealed, “I’m not invested! Why would I be invested! It’s just that spring is here and I was listening to this song on the radio. You know the one that says that birds do it and bees do it and even educated fleas do it and I thought maybe we should do it ‘cause I remember it was fun and all. Why else would I be interested and anyway I don’t care if you hmphh…”

Spike’s hand slid back to cup Xander’s nape, holding him still as he explored his mouth. Xander moaned into the kiss, burying his fingers in Spike’s hair, pulling him closer.

“No more talk of falling in love, ‘kay pet?” Spike said, pulling back to let Xander breathe for a second before he went back for more and Xander simply gave up thinking. As if reading his mind, Spike let go and quickly undressed himself before he helped Xander do the same.

“Not going fast enough, Xan,” he whispered, tugging at Xander’s shorts. “Wanna taste you, pet, feel your hard cock in my mouth.”

Xander shuddered at the words, offering no resistance as Spike pushed him to sit on the couch, and settled on the ground between his legs, pushing them wider to accommodate him. He watched as Spike leaned close, felt the cold tongue lick a trail up his thigh to his hipbone.

“Spike…please…” he moaned when it became evident that Spike was determined to taste every bit of him but the one that needed him most.

“Please what, pet?”

Xander grabbed Spike’s head, pushing him until his lips were straight in front of his cock. “Please…suck me,” he begged. Xander groaned as he saw Spike lick his lips but the teasing wasn’t as over as he’d thought.

Spike bent his head and ran his tongue lightly over Xander’s cock, careful not to apply a lot of pressure. Xander tried to press his cock into Spike’s mouth, growling slightly when the blond evaded him and smirked.

“Ah, ah, ah…I’m in charge here, Xan. Just relax and enjoy,” he admonished.

Spike went back to licking Xander’s cock, long broad swipes of tongue, covering it from root to tip, little kitten licks barely touching skin, swirls of tongue around the head…by the time Spike was finished Xander could barely speak.

Just when he was about to come, Xander felt Spike retreat. Before he even had a chance to protest, he felt a wet finger slide down his balls, hesitate a moment to rub behind them before reaching its goal. Xander clenched around the invading finger, moaning breathlessly as Spike pushed in.

He slid down the seat, raising his legs to give the blond better access and moved against the invading finger, trying to push more of it inside.

“Please, Spike…” He moaned when he felt another finger enter him, quickly followed by a third. Xander tilted his hips, resting his feet on the table, either side of Spike and using them as leverage to move against Spike’s fingers, helping the blond push them in and out. “Just like that…”

“Fuck, pet…”

The moaned words brought Xander’s eyes open and he laughed at the complete and utter lust in Spike’s face as he watched him fuck himself against his fingers.

Xander nearly screamed with frustration when Spike stopped touching him. He needed more. he needed…he felt Spike’s cock push inside him and groaned…he needed this. He could feel Spike easing inside, then pulling back and, contrary to his first careful entry, slam back in.

He grunted at the forceful entry and wrapped his legs around Spike’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Again,” he demanded and Spike seemed glad to oblige, pulling back and slamming forward over and over again, faster and harder every time until Xander could do nothing but hold on and feel.

”Let go, pet, let go and come with me,” Spike whispered, panting as hard as Xander. The sound of his lover coming pushed Xander over and he clenched hard against Spike as he came.

He closed his eyes, allowing Spike to move them both so they lay on the couch, pressed closely together.

“Feel better now, pet?”

“Yeah…” Xander mumbled, snuggling closer to Spike.

“No more talk of this falling in love business then?”

Xander immediately tensed.

“Spike?” he said, his voice quiet and small. “I kinda already did.”

He watched Spike open his eyes to slits, looking sleepily at him.

“Did what?”

“Fell in love.”

“You did? Who with?” Spike growled and Xander was surprised to see him flash into game face. Then the words penetrated his brain and he snapped up, indignation written all over his face. “What do you mean ‘who with’? Like I would sleep with you if I was in love with someone else? Are you totally stupid?” he demanded, moving to climb over Spike and off the couch.

“You? In love? With me?” Spike asked, looking totally confused.

“Kinda slow today aren’t you?” Xander snarked, upset at the perceived rejection of his words.

“You love me?”

“Hell knows why, but yeah.”

Spike grinned, reaching out to pull Xander back to the couch.


Xander couldn’t help but smile at the pleased look Spike had.

“Yeah, really.”

“Oh…” Spike hesitated a moment, watching Xander carefully. “I think I love you too,” he confided.


“Yeah. Pain and all.”

Xander’s smile widened and he leaned over to kiss Spike thoroughly, stopping only when breathing became an issue. He settled down next to Spike again, pulling him to lie against him.

“So…when are we telling the girls then?”

Spike groaned and hid his face in Xander’s neck.

“When I said ‘pain and all’ I didn’t mean physical.” he muttered, already planning ways to survive telling the Slayer he was shagging one of her best friends. Full body armour suddenly sounded good.

The End

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