Happy birthday and much love, [info]darkhavens!!

Written for [info]txrabbit in the CoSoRanOb ficathon on [info]bloodclaim. Hope you like it, hun! The challenge requirements are below.
Rating: NC-17
Setting: The Basement of Doom. So shoot me! I like BoD fics
Summary: Xander rents a movie
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing. No profit is being made. All belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN and any and all associated companies and individuals
Note: Inspired by a comment from [info]_beetle_. It's not exactly what she had in mind, but it still sparked an idea!

When Friends Collide


"You rented 'When Harry Met Sally'? What are you, some kind of moron? That's a chickflick and the last time I checked neither of us was wearing gingham."

"Shut up, Spike. I was in a hurry because they were about to shut and that was the first thing that came to hand. Next time, you go to Blockbusters and pick out a movie. Oh, almost forgot. You haven't got any m-o-n-e-y! I pay, so I get to choose."

Still grumbling to himself, Spike leaned back further into the hideously uncomfortable orange chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "If you had cable, we wouldn't have this problem. There'd be plenty of channels to choose from."

"Well, I don't have cable, you undead freak, and my parents aren't likely to spring for it. Can't afford to get it myself on my pay."

Spike opened his mouth to speak.

"And before you suggest it, no, I will not steal it."

"Could afford it if you got yourself a decent job, something that didn't include cooked cheese and furring up the arteries of the good citizens of Sunnydale."

"Hey, no trashing my job! At least I've got one, even if it's part-time. When was the last time you kicked in for rent and blood?"

"Can't get a job, can I? Can't go out during the day without turning dusty. Anyway, why should I? It's not like you're gonna chuck me out on my firm yet squeezable arse."

"Don't tempt me, Bleachy. Which reminds me, how come you always have enough for peroxide and cigarettes and beer? And you could too get a job. A night shift in a bar or something."

"Mirrors, idiot. Bars have mirrors and someone'd be sure to spot the lack of reflection."

"Hmm. Wait minute. I've got it! You could be a bouncer." Xander sat back on the sofa, pleased with his flash of inspiration.

"Don't you think somebody might notice if I dropped to the ground grabbing my noggin whenever I tried to break up a fight?" asked Spike sarcastically. "All it'd take is for me to use a bit of force on a human and I'd be on my knees. And not in the good way."

Xander felt his jeans tighten. That had been happening more and more lately, he thought to himself ruefully. Spike was a master of innuendo and every time he made a comment like that ...

Why the hell couldn't Giles have thought about that before he'd unloaded the vampire in favour of renewing his 'friendship' with his English friend? He should've known. Put a hormonal 17-year-old in close quarters with the most beautiful man -- metabolically-challenged creature of the night -- he'd ever seen and sticky hardness was bound to ensue.

True, Giles had no idea Xander was gay. Hell, he'd only just got the memo himself.

"Mind you, it's a funny movie," continued Spike, apparently oblivious to Xander's discomfort.

"Okay," said Xander, jumping up and quickly turning his back so Spike wouldn't notice the bulge trying to escape from his pants. He knew from experience it wouldn't go away on its own. Nope, the only remedy was spanking the monkey. Hard. "I'm taking a shower. Back in ten."

"Oi! We're supposed to be watching --"

"Later, all right? Put it on if you're so bored. You can catch me up with the plot when I get back. Gotta get this gunge out of my hair. Lank and greasy is so not a good look on me." He headed rapidly towards the tiny bathroom.

Spike snickered quietly to himself. Who did the boy think he was fooling? All those trips to the shower were making Xander resemble a prune. A hot, dark-haired, six foot prune.

He was proud of his self-control. He and patience weren't even nodding acquaintances most of the time but he had big plans for Xander. Sucking, licking, Insert-Tab A-into-Hole B plans. The wet dreams that made the whelp's cheeks turn a fiery red when Spike commented on him changing the sheets -- again -- would be a dim memory once Spike took control of Xander's pathetic sex-life. But he had to sidle into this, sneaky like.

He reached into his jeans' pocket, pulling out a tiny, ivory, hand-carved figurine of a rabbit. His lucky charm, taken from the body of the Slayer he'd killed in China, hadn't been working so well lately. "Where were you when I needed you?" he asked the figure reproachfully. "If you'd been doing your job, those soldier boys wouldn't've got me." He cocked his head. "Or maybe you were just biding your time. Yeah, that's it. You were saving up the good luck till I really needed it. Xander doesn't know it yet, but his luck is about to change too." He stopped, as if listening to something. "What d'you mean, he might not want me? 'Course he wants me. Who wouldn't?" With a satisfied nod, he tucked the netsuke back into his pocket.

By the time Xander returned from the bathroom, feeling much more relaxed although his cock was slightly sore from his over-enthusiastic five-fingered attentions, the movie was well underway and Harry and Sally were at LaGuardia. Spike had moved to the extended sofa-bed and Xander sat down next to him. "Okay, tell me what's happened."

Spike took a deep breath. "Well, Harry and Sally met and it was hate at first sight but they met up again and they don't hate one another any more but they don't much like one another, either. Sally's boyfriend is a tosser and Harry's bird is a hard bitch and --"

"Whoa, motor-mouth. Forget it. I'll just watch it from the beginning some other time. Without the commentary."

Spike pouted. "You asked, didn't you? Shouldn't ask if you don't want to know." He paused as a thought struck him. "Ya know, if they'd just shagged like bunnies in the first place, they could've got all this dancing around one another out of the way."

"Not everyone jumps into bed with the first person who asks, Spike. What's wrong with getting to be friends first, before moving on to the groiny fun? Some of us have, er, standards."

"Some of you never get laid," Spike remarked flatly. "Have you ever been asked?"

Xander flushed. "Sure I have." Larry had been very persistent. Xander sometimes wished he'd taken the other man up on his offer, especially since Larry would never have another chance to try out his newly-discovered gayness. Would it have hurt him to say yes, just once? Well, yeah. Larry had been pretty explicit about what he'd wanted to do and topping featured large in his scenario.

Spike looked at him. The kid was cute when he was thinking, his brow wrinkled and his lips pursed just a little. Spike leaned forward and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

Xander's hand flew to his lips. "What the ..?"

"Mmm. You taste nice. Minty fresh. Let's try that again, shall we?"

Before Xander could stop him, Spike had leant in again and repeated the kiss. "You know, you can join in any time you like," he informed the shocked mortal.

"Wh-why are you doing this?"

"Obvious, ain't it? Said it yourself; we've done the getting to be friends thing, now it's time to move on a bit."

"We're friends?" squeaked Xander. This was news to him. Maybe Spike could draw him a diagram.

"'Course we are. Wouldn't waste all my best insults on you if we weren't."

"Oh. But I don't wanna shag like a bunny," Xander wailed.

"Don't have to, you nit. A bit o' snogging will do very nicely for starters. And afters, if that's what you really want. Got a feeling you might change your mind, though." Spike's smile was smug but Xander didn't care. He was pretty tired of just imagining what it'd be like to be up close and personal with Spike. He might not be too quick on the uptake, but this was a chance he wasn't about to pass up.


Moving fast before Xander could change his mind, Spike pushed him down until he was lying flat on the bed and lay full length on top of him, wriggling around to make himself comfortable.

Xander felt his tender cock stir painfully against the zipper of his pants at Spike's movements but the discomfort was soon overwhelmed by a wave of need when Spike's mouth descended and a tongue began to lap gently at the corner of his mouth. Obeying the wordless request, he parted his lips. He groaned when the tongue entered his mouth and began to probe.

Spike delved into Xander's mouth, carefully exploring every tooth, every ridge of his palate, trying to reach his tonsils. He wound his tongue around Xander's and sucked hard, tasting and testing his responsiveness. Turning his head slightly to seal their lips, he continued to fuck Xander's mouth rhythmically, tongue swirling, lips moving.

Xander unconsciously bucked up, consumed by the delicious sensations coursing through him that had been ignited by the feeling of Spike's soft, pliant lips again his own and that wicked tongue doing things that were probably illegal in seventeen states.

Spike ground his hips down in response. Well, this is going better'n I expected, he thought hazily. His thought processes almost shut down as he gave himself over to just enjoying the moment. That pretty, innocent mouth was doing things to him that all the might and experience of Angelus had never been able to equal. He felt strong, masterful, in charge, yet oddly vulnerable. If the boy backed away now, he'd ... he didn't want Xander to back away now. It'd hurt too much. Bugger. He wasn't supposed to care.

He raised his head and braced his weight on his elbows, one on either side of Xander's shoulders. "You okay?"

"Why'd you stop?"

Spike laughed at the complaining whine. "Thought you might like a chance to breathe."

"You know, breathing is seriously over-rated." Xander sighed. "And I'm preaching to the converted. Come back here."

Spike ducked as Xander reached for him. "Uh-uh. Not only your mouth that needs kissing, I'm thinkin'." He pushed up Xander's untucked t-shirt to reveal a broad expanse of lightly tanned skin and two brown nubs. He leaned down and experimentally gave one a lick, delighted at the moan it elicited from Xander. He sucked it until it pebbled, at the same time pinching the other one until it was as hard as its twin. He moved up and swept his tongue across Xander's jugular then nibbled and sucked at his neck until the boy was trembling. His adam's apple seemed to be particularly sensitive. It got a lot of attention.

Xander was freaking that he wasn't freaking. Wasn't there some kind of race memory that should be kicking in, telling him that allowing a vampire easy access to his neck was a bad thing? Damn it, his own common sense and years of vamp-slayage should be telling him that. What the fuck. "More," he croaked.

"Okay," said Spike agreeably. He worked his way down Xander's body, nipping, kissing and licking his way to the waistband of his jeans. Figuring that Xander was too far gone to object, he quickly unbuttoned and unzipped the fly to release his rigid cock and licked the weeping, purple head.


"You spoke?"

"Nope, not a word, don't stop, please don't stop, like it, want more ... arrgh!"

With an easy, smooth movement, Spike took Xander's cock deep into his throat and proceeded to give him a blow job that would stay in Xander's memory for the rest of his life, and not just because it was his first. His tongue swirled and massaged, his lips sucked and his teeth scraped ever so gently along the turgid shaft as his head bobbed up and down.

Xander reached down blindly and curled his fingers into gel-crunchy blond waves, trying and failing not to thrust up into Spike's mouth. Despite his energetic session in the shower not twenty minutes earlier, he felt his balls tighten and his semen shot into the welcoming cavern, to be swallowed with every appearance of pleasure if Spike's half closed eyes and quiet purr could be believed.

Spike crawled back up Xander's body and re-settled himself on top of his warm, living mattress. "Taste, pet." He bent down and kissed Xander.

The taste of his own come on Spike's tongue was surprisingly heady. He wondered if Spike's would taste like that or if it'd be more ... coppery. Like blood. He waited to be squicked. Nope, not a trace of ewww-factor. In fact, he could hardly wait to find out.

Xander got his wish to the sound of the shush-shushing of a lightsaber as Obi-Wan Kenobi lopped off somebody's arm in the Mos Eisley Cantina. It seemed oddly appropriate, considering whose cock was in his mouth.

Preferred rating and genre: Humor, NC-17
Your Colour: Red
Your Sound: Lightsaber
Your Random Object: Tiny carved rabbit
Two things you'd like included: Snarky Spike and lots of kissing for the sake of kissing
Two things you don't want included: Het in any shape or form, character death

The End

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