Part Twenty-Eight

"Willow, what? Spike, what does Willow have to do with this?"

Spike sat up and turned remorseful eyes on his Xander. He didn't know what the man was going to do when he found out this was his fault. Maybe it was a good thing? Everyone could be happy together, yeah?

"I was laying here early this morning. You and William were sleeping, I was enjoying me freedom while it lasted. I was just thinking 'bout things, pissing and moanin' truth be told. I was feeling sorry for meself, how I was a secondary being an' all. No freedom, no choice, no say in even my own bloody appearance."

Spike took a second to glare at Wil before resuming his explanation.

"You know how I am, pet. Didn't mean anythin' by it. Hells, I hadn't realized I'd spoken out loud till it was too late. I just wasn't thinking. I didn't mean it."

Alex sighed and sat down beside Spike. Since it looked like he wasn't about to bite either him or Wil he picked up Spike's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Okay, I believe you. Now tell me what you said. Word for word, Spike. Don't leave anything out."

Spike told him his entire inner dialogue. He finished up with a whisper. "Then out loud I said, 'I wish I had my own body, then I could do as I soddin' well please.' I didn't know she was here, luv. Honestly."

Wil had the grace to look a fair bit guilty as well. He knew he was monopolizing Alexs' time, and that he was very adamant about his dress style and hair colour. He just hadn't realized how badly he made Spike feel.

"For what it is worth, Spike. I'm terribly sorry. I hadn't realized how badly I was treating you."

Spike looked at Wil and could tell right off that the man was sincere. He shrugged his shoulders and then leered at him.

"Want to make it up to me then? Give us a kiss!"

Even Alex had to laugh as Wil spluttered and blushed and then scowled and got huffy. Spike ducked several pillows that were tossed at him and smiled at his human counterpoint. "I forgive you. Just stop throwing soddin' pillows at me, git."

The tension breaker was desperately needed. Although it did bring up a whole series of other problems. But first things first.

"So Willow granted your wish. Why?"

"How the hell should I know? What did you say was her area of specialtise?"

"Friendships gone sour, that sort of thing."

It was Wil who made the connection.

"So, you think of me as a friend? That's why she was able to grant you your wish. You were angry with me, rightfully so, for mistreating you, ignoring your wishes, monopolizing all our time with Alex etc."

"Guess so. Sorry."

"Are you? It seems to me that you got exactly what you asked for. Why would you be sorry?"

"Because I never thought about what it would do to you."

That's when it dawned on Alex. Wil was human, he would age now, he would grow old and die someday. That is, if one of Sunnydales demon population didn't get to him first. Sooner or later he would lose the man he loved.

Once again, Willow had shown how truly spiteful she could be. This was just one more pin to stick him with, one more wound to bare. He knew now, nothing would ever bring Willow back. She truly hated him. Why, he would never understand.

Part Twenty-Nine

It had been three days. Three days since Wil had been human. Three days since Spike had cut and bleached his hair. Three days since Alex had had his world turned upside down again. Three days since any of them had had sex. It was the last part that was getting to Spike.

They had discussed options, how to keep Wil from growing old and dying on them. They tossed around the idea of Spike turning Wil and then resouling him. They had discussed finding a spell that would bind him to either Spike or Alex. They had even entertained the idea of asking Anyanka for help. That had lasted all of ten seconds.

In the end, it would be Wil's decision to make as it was his mortality at risk. He wanted to think about it for a while. Alex understood, Spike did not. He argued that anything could happen to him now. That humans were too fragile, and some nasty demon could eat him all up. That didn't do much to help Alex not think about his lover's mortality.

The other thing was Wil's attitude toward sex now. He said he had no problems with being in a homosexual relationship and he still loved Alex deeply. It was Spike that concerned him. He still had certain victorian attitudes about sex and threesomes were not something he was comfortable with. Espescially when one of the bodies was a complete double of his own. It was too strange for him to be comfortable with.

Alex was trying to be patient. He loved Wil and he understood why this was hard for him. But he also understood Spike, the longer they put it off, the harder it would be. Spike had no moral inhibition to shagging Wil. As a matter of fact he was looking forward to it. He always knew he was a handsome bloke, but he hadn't realized how sexy he looked.

The only thing stopping Alex was that he couldn't just pick one of them and screw them silly without hurting the other. If he shagged Spike, Wil would probably think that now that he was human, Alex would leave him for Spike since he wouldn't get old and die. If he made love to Wil, Spike would get angry and think that Wil was more important to Alex than he was. All in all, Alex was in hell. And once again, it was all Willow's fault.

Wil continued to run the shop, no longer needing to set the wards each day. He met Alex for lunch in the park every day, enjoying his time outside in the sun. He was happier than he had ever been. To be alive, truly alive in this time was miraculous. He was almost grateful to Spike for making that wish. The only thing that was keeping him from leaping for joy was Alex. He knew the man was hurting for him, that he was thinking of the day he would lose him to death.

Alex couldn't help but think about it. Wil was human now, and humans had certain needs. Friends, family, a sense of belonging. Alex remembered wanting these things, needing them. He had found all of that with Buffy and Willow. They were his friends, his family. He had a place in their world even though he was just 'regular guy'. No special powers for him. But he also remembered feeling inadequate at times, as though they just kept him around to make him feel better, like they knew that he was nothing without them.

Was that the way Wil felt now? If not now, would he at some point come to resent him and Spike because they had forever and he didn't? Would he still want to be involved with a man now that he was human again?

It was the last thought that really bothered him. Wil was now able to have a family, to find a nice girl and settle down. Have children, have grandchildren. He could have the life that he had been denied. Why would he throw away a second chance like this on him and Spike? An immortal and a vampire? Two men who would never age, who would still be young and beautiful as he grew old. And if he did stay with them, how long before he realized he'd made a mistake? How long before he resented them for it?

Then there was Spike. He was chipless now and had total possession of his body. How long would he stick around? Sooner or later, claim or not, he would leave. The hunt would call to him, beckon to him. He would crave the blood and the death. Alex wouldn't be enough of a reason to refrain from killing. Spike was a demon, a hunter. He always would be. How could Alex expect him to stay by his side?

Thank God he had a job to go to. The time away from them each day gave him time to think. He knew that he loved them. Both of them. He also knew that they loved him as well. But sometimes that isn't enough. He had loved Anya and he'd still left. Oz had loved Willow and look what happened there. Then of course there was Deadboy and Buffy. Yeah, love wasn't always enough of a reason to stay.

Spike had his own insecurities. The fact that Wil could do things with Alex that he couldn't, like eat lunch in the park every day, was making him crazy. He just knew that Alex would choose Wil now that they were separate. It was bloody unfair. He had made a wish and gotten what he'd asked for, only to lose the reason for making the wish in the first place. What did he need his freedom for if he didn't have Alex? It's not like he had anyone else to live for. He'd been gone for thirty years, all his friends were likely dead. He still hated Angel, and the stars only knew where his mad princess was. He wondered how long he had left until Alex and Wil asked him to leave.

Part Thirty

Alex came home to find Spike in his apartment. He had wondered how long it would take before the vampire became impatient and sought him out. He was actually grateful that he was the first one to break, this pussy-footing around each other was getting ridiculous.

"Spike. What brings you by?"


Before Alex knew what was happening he found himself pressed against the wall with his hands full of horny vampire. Not that he was complaining. When Spike brought their mouths together it was all Alex could do to keep from devouring him. He had missed this, the feel of those silky lips on his, the faint trace of copper in his mouth. He pulled Spike closer and began to pull at his clothes.

Spike was howling inside. He had half expected Alex to push him away, so when he felt the man respond to his attentions he couldn't stop from smiling into the kiss. He felt Alex tugging at his shirt and returned the favor.

At some point they had managed to make it into the bedroom while undressing each other. Alex fumbled blindly in the bedside table for lube while Spike set out to prove why breathing was an over rated experience.

The feel of that cool mouth on his cock was almost Alexs' undoing. He was so desperate for this, to feel this conection again, to know that things were not so fucked up that they couldn't be fixed. By the feel of things, Spike was just as desperate for this as he was.

"Gods, Spike. Now, need you in me."

Spike made a low growling noise that vibrated around Alexs' shaft and he almost came right then and there. It was only the swift loss of contact as Spike pulled away and grabbed the lube from his outstretched hand that saved him.

Spike was panting harshly. He didn't need to breath but he found it calmed him. Right now he needed calming or he might inadvertantly hurt Alex he was so desperate to be in him. He slowly prepared his lover while he tried to think non arousing thoughts. The sounds Alex was making were not helping. He was mewling and crying out softly, begging for more. Spike slicked his cock and lined himself up at Alexs' hole.

"Ready luv?"


Spike pushed into Alex and moaned at the feel of hot flesh grasping him. Alex felt like a furnace, it was incredible. Once he was fully inside he stilled to allow Alex to adjust. He knew his true face had appeared but he was too out of control to do anything about it.

Alex looked up into the eyes of the demon and smiled. He knew Spike was just as far gone as he was. This was not going to last long. That in mind, he reached up and trailed his finger tips lightly over his lover's facial ridges. Spike growled softly and closed his eyes. Alex wiggled to signal that he was ready for Spike to move.

"Xander, luv. Missed this, missed you."

"Me too Spike. Uhg! Faster, please."

Spike increased the pace of his thrusts and began jerking Alexs' cock in time to his thrusts. He buried his face in Alexs' neck and sucked gently on his skin, leaving a bruise. Alex tilted his head to give him better access.

"Do it. Bite me, mark me again."


Spike groaned into Alexs' neck before sinking his fangs into the smooth tanned flesh. He drank a small amount of Alexs' blood and felt his orgasm rip through him just as Alexs' seed spilled over his hand.

When Alex recovered the first thing he thought of was Wil. He needed to talk to him about this, about what was happening now between the three of them. But first, he thought he should talk to Spike. Maybe between the two of them they could figure something out. "Spike, we need to talk about Wil."

Spike growled softly and clenched his jaw. He should have known this would happen, that Alex would have to bring him into this even when they were finally alone together. "You want me to fuck off so that you two can be together? That it?"

Spike was up and pulling on his jeans in record time. Alex just gaped at him, confused. "Er, no? Spike, come back here. Please?"

Spike turned around and looked at Alex. He ran his hand through his short bleached blonde hair and sighed. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Alex to speak.

"I don't want you to go anywhere. I love you, remember? It's just ... I love Wil too. I don't know what's happening here, I think ... I think I'm losing him."

Spike moved back into the bed with Alex and pulled him into his arms. He kissed him on the head and ran soothing hands down his back. "It's a confusing time for him is all, luv. He's newly human and needs time to process what it means. He'll either stay with us or he'll leave. Nothing we can do about it except tell him how much we want him to stay, how much we love him."

"You want him to stay?"

"Course I do. He's my soul."

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