Part Twenty-Five

Spike held Alex close and just replayed those words over and over. Alex loved him. Or at least he thought he did. It was more than he had hoped for, more than he deserved from a boy he had tried, and succeeded, at killing.

"Then what's the problem pet? I love you, William loves you. You love him, you think you love me. I don't see where there is a problem."

"That's just it, Spike. How can I love you both? It isn't right."

"Psh, I loved Angelus and Dru for years. There's no law that says you can't love more than one person at a time. If there were, it would be broken a lot. You mean to tell me that you didn't love the cheerleader when you were snogging red? Or that you didn't love red? I won't believe you."

"That's different. I always loved Willow. Still do. And Cordy? Well yeah, I loved her but ..."

"But what?"

"But not the way I love Wil ... or you."

"It's okay Xan, er Alex. Sorry. It'll take time to get used to it. Nothing about this situation is normal. For one thing, you got three blokes who are shagging and only two bodies. For another, William an' I are as different as night an' day. Things would be simple if William an' me each had our own body. Then we'd just stick you in the middle."

Spike leered at Alex. Alex couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Yeah, right. Given the chance to have sex with your own body, you wouldn't leave this apartment for days. You are nothing if not a narcissist."

"True. Can't blame me though, I am immanently shaggable."

"That you are, Spike. I'll give you that. Do you think I could talk to Wil for a bit? I know he heard everything we talked about but I'd like to know what he feels about this."

"Alright. Give me a mo' I want to ask him a couple things myself."

Spike was not looking forward to giving control back to Wil. He was enjoying his time with Alex, it was an unexpected feeling to have your affections returned for once. And yeah, Alex obviously put Wil first in his thoughts, but Spike was willing to live, er unlive, with that.

Alright ya tosser. The boy wants you now, so talk to him.

Thank you Spike. I don't know how you managed to get him to talk to you, I wouldn't have had a clue what to say to him.

Like I said, experience. Being with Dru taught me a lot. She used to have nightmares, would wake up screaming and clawing at herself. I was the only one who could calm her.

Well, thank you again. And don't worry, it'll all work out in the end.

Sure, mate. Go talk to him.

When Wil opened his eyes he saw Alex smiling at him.

"Well, at least you two have learned to talk without actually speaking out loud. It draws less attention you know."

"Hmm, it would seem that it depends on mine and Spike's emotional state at the time of the conversation. We do still tend to yell at each other if we're upset or angry."

Alex chuckled and and turned to kiss his lover. He was desperate for this to work, but prior experience said that two was company and three was a crowd. He didn't want to lose Wil, but he didn't want to lose Spike either. He was still confused about how it was possible he loved Spike when he had always hated the vampire in the past.

"So, you heard everything Spike and I talked about. What do you think?"

"I think, that you have been under far too much stress about this. Just let things happen, Alex. I love you and so does Spike. We won't hurt you, ever."

"So I should just enjoy this, whatever this is, between us and not worry about the consequences?"

"What consequences, Alex?"

"I don't know, jealousy?"


"Spike's, yours?"

"Alex, Spike and I are fine with this arrangement. You're thinking in human terms. None of us are truly human, Alex. Let it go."

"I never thought about it that way. I'm not human anymore, am I?"

"Not entirely. That bothers you?"

"Not really, I mean ... I sort of knew that. I just never really thought about it. I guess I didn't want to."

"It'll be okay, you have me now, and Spike. We'll always be here, you won't have to be alone."

"And neither will you. Either of you."

Wil kissed Alex softly and pulled him closer.

"What say I leave the shop closed today and we stay in bed?"

"That sounds like a good plan. A very good plan."

Part Twenty-Six

Warm bed. Warm body snuggled against him. It was almost perfect. If he could just keep this warm body all to himself, not have to share with his soul ... but that was never going to happen, so no point in dwelling on it.

Spike loved these few moments he had each day when the soul was still sleeping and he could pretend that it was just him, Spike, that owned and controlled this body. He would fantasize about the things he could do if he had no soul to contend with.

It wasn't about bloody mayhem and torture. Sure there was a part of him that would always crave that, but he didn't need the kill. He could feed without killing. He wanted his identity back. He wanted to cut the loose curls out of his hair, he wanted to strip the honey colour from it, leaving it a blaring white. He wanted his jeans. He hated the feel of those soft cotton trousers that William was so partial to. They reminded him too much of the things he wore as a human. That and Angel wore similar pants, the bloody git.

Wil would not tolerate Spike's obession with black. He did wear it, just not all the time. Spike wanted his duster. He missed it terribly. Wil wouldn't wear it. Too much of a reminder of where Spike had gotten it in the first place. Of course, Spike had trouble looking at it, at first. He remembered the last time he had worn it, going to the slayer's place to convince her to take him back. Almost raping the woman he loved, stopping himself just in time, and running away from Sunnydale without it.

He got over it. Buffy was right, they were no good together. She was a slayer and he was a vampire. Besides all that she would always belong to his damned Sire. Angel had marked her, no matter how many times Spike had taken her, she would never be his. Xander was.

It would have been so much simpler if the boy had figured out his sexuality back then. If it were him that Spike had fallen for. He could have, very easily. Just the slightest encouragement that the boy was interested in him and he would have persued him relentlessly until he gave in.

Of course he had him now, so it had all worked out, right? NO! He had Alex, not Xander. Not quite Xander anyway. Alex was an odd combination of a hard, cynical, distrustful man and the goofy, loyal, too trustful boy that was Xander. It wasn't necesarily a bad combination, just not Xander.

He knew what had happened to the boy to turn him into what he now was. It was a shitty deal for him no matter how you looked at it. He lost not only his best friend from childhood, his other best friend and protector, but he lost a father figure and a kid sister as well. In one moment, his entire life was taken from him. That kind of thing does change a person.

He had changed when Angelus disappeared and left him with Dru to care for all by himself. He became hard, angry, impatient and impossible to be around. He was nothing like the 'William' that had risen from his first death. So yeah, he knew how circumstances changed a person. But to find out that not only have you been cursed with immortality, that you can still father children who wouldn't be and would therefor die some day while you wouldn't even grow older ...

It was beyond cruel. Especially for someone like Xander who had always wanted a family of his own. A real family, not just friends who were like family. So Xander had been forced to change his sexual preferance, no matter that he didn't seem to mind shagging blokes, it was the principle of the thing. He would never shag another woman, even he wanted to. He wouldn't take the risk.

The curse was a gift for Spike. He would never have to turn the man and risk losing him to the demon, he wouldn't have to watch him grow old and die, he couldn't be killed, period. It was a nice feeling, knowing that your lover would always be around.

The only problem was that he didn't have any control over when he got to be with Alex, or for how long. Wil was always there, hovering in the background waiting to take back possession as soon as Alex would ask about him. It was bloody unfair. He couldn't do that. Just take over whenever he felt like it. Spend as much time with the boy as he would like to. If only they were separate. He wouldn't mind sharing Alex so much if he and William were separate. If he had his own body.

"I wish I had my own body, then I could do as I soddin' well please."

Spike whispered the plea to no one in particular. Too bad he didn't know he was being watched, otherwise he might have known better than to make wishes in front of vengeance demons.


Spike shot up in bed when he heard the whispered reply. He frantically looked around the room before his eyes rested on the shadowed figure in the corner.



And then the world went black.

Part Twenty-Seven

When Wil woke up he was nestled into the cool body of his lover.

Cool? Alex should be warm.

Wil sat up and opened his eyes. He looked down at ... himself. He immediately began to panic, he looked around frantically. He saw Alex on the other side of him, sleeping peacefully. He pinched himself. It hurt. He jumped over his other self and stood beside the bed, staring. He hadn't seen himself in thirty years. It was both disturbing and fascinating.

Okay, I'm in shock. Otherwise I would likely be screaming my bloody head off.

Taking several deep breaths, Wil tried to figure out what exactly had happened. There were two of him, that much was obvious, but how? Why? Was it a hellmouth thing? Would Alex multiply as well? He really wasn't up to handling this alone.


He hollered to get the demon's attention without waking Alex. When Spike didn't answer Wil began to piece it together. Wil was Wil, and the other, the one in the bed, was Spike. Panic set in. Wil began shaking, he was hyper-ventilating, and his heart was hammering in his chest.

"Oh God! I'm alive."

That was the final straw, Wil slumped to the floor and began to laugh hysterically. It was all too unreal. How many times he had wished for this, prayed for it, and now that he had it ... He wanted it to go away. He didn't know how to be a human in this world. How to interact with other people. He was scared, and he desperately wanted to run like hell, to the one place, the one person who always made him feel safe. But England was a long way away, and his Grandmother had been dead for a very long time.

Alex awoke to the sound of laughter. It sounded wrong. He rolled into his bedmate and saw that he was still asleep. Alex was never very good in the morning, or anytime that he first woke up. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and focused on where the sound was coming from. He saw Wil sitting on the floor, head in his hands, laughing, crying, he wasn't sure which. He just knew he was needed and he crawled out of bed and toward the man huddled on the floor.

"Wil? What's wrong?"

Wil looked at Alex, then looked at his double on the bed and then looked at Alex again. Alex followed the movement and realization sunk in.

"Holy hellmouth Batman! What the fuck is going on?"

Wil choked out a painful sounding laugh and Alex pulled him into his arms. He held him close and tried to calm him. He could feel the man's heart pounding, hear the quick, shallow breaths. That's when he noticed that instead of the soothingly cool skin he was used to feeling against him, Wil was warm. Warm and alive.

"Wil? Is Spike still with you?"

A shake of the head was his only answer.

"Are we gonna assume that, that is Spike in the bed?"

A nod this time.

"Okay. We can deal with this. We can. We just need to wake up Spike, hope he doesn't try to kill us, and figure out what the hell happened. Okay?"

Another nod and Alex got up, helping Wil to his feet as well.

"Put somthing on, if he attacks, run like hell. Get outside in the day where he can't follow."

"Alex ... "

"Wil, he can't really do much to me. I'll live. Again. You won't. He might react instinctively. I don't want to take any chances, okay?"



"Promise. Let's just do this."

Wil quickly pulled on pants and a shirt and followed Alex back to the bed. He stood behind his immortal lover as he gently woke the slumbering demon.

"Sod off! M'sleepin' here."

"Spike? Spike you need to wake up."

"Xan? Er, Alex?"

"Yeah. We ah, we seem to have a very hellmouthy situation here. Can you wake up now?"

Spike opened his eyes and looked blearily at Alex. Then he saw the man behind him. The man smelled like his pet, he growled at him.

"Stop growling at Wil."

That got Spike's attention. It had been over a century but he still vaguely remembered what he looked like. The human standing behind Alex was William. Did this mean he didn't have a soul anymore? He started to grin, thinking of the things he could do now that he was no longer chipped or souled. Then he remembered what had happened earlier that morning.


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