Part Thirteen

By the time Alex finished telling his story, Spike was stunned into silence. A soul? He had a soul? Where was it then? And how had he been lost for the last twenty-eight years. No, something was wrong here, he was in an alternate dimension or Harris and the witches were doing some kind of mind-fuck on him. "No. I don't believe you. The slayer's not dead, I don't have a soul, Dawn did NOT cease to exsist and Red is not a demon. I refuse to believe this. You've had yer fun, pulled yer prank on me, now knock it the fuck off!"

Alex shook his head, this was not going right. How the hell was he supposed to convince Spike he was telling the truth? If only he could talk to Wil. He honestly had no idea how to convince Spike of anything, how was he going to keep him from leaving when the sun set? What would it do to Wil if Spike killed someone? "Spike, what's the last thing you remember?"

Spike thought long and hard, he wanted to say it was leaving Buffy's house after he had attacked her but he knew there was more. A thousand jumbled images tumbled through his mind. He saw a demon with glowing green eyes, a vast stretch of desert in the moonlight, the deck of a ship sailing across the ocean. It was confusing. "I - I don't know."

Alex watched as Spike tried to grasp what was happening to him. "Try Spike. Try to remember."

There was a train, then a bus, he was walking along the highway. He was sitting in the cab of a deisal truck with a large bearded man. The 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign, the treasure, the slayer's house. Spike tensed, he didn't want to know, he was afraid. "No, I don't want to remember! Make it stop, makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitSTOP!"

Alex caught the vampire as he fell to the floor shaking and howling. He wished he knew how to help him, how to make it stop. "Shh, it's okay Spike, it's over now. Let it go, there's nothing you can do for them now, I was there and I couldn't stop her. You couldn't have either, she would have done something to you as well."

Spike remembered, he remembered everything now. The night in the cemetary where he howled for hours, the only thing that kept him from greeting the sun was.... "William."

"Yeah, Wil. I told you about him, remember? He lives in there now too. Can you feel him? Is he okay?" Alex couldn't help but push Spike a bit, he was very concerned about Wil.

Spike concentrated, twenty-eight years of Wil's memories flooded his brain, but it was only the past week that stood out in his mind. Spike payed close attention to those memories. Meeting Alex, kissing Alex, almost having sex with Alex. Alex had been very supportive of Wil, wanting to help get Spike better. Xander would never have done any of those things. Xander hated Spike, but Alex had come looking for him.

Spike shook his head, alternate dimensions had nothing on this one. This one was as strange as they got. His soul was falling in love with Alex, Xander. It was more than Spike was ready to deal with. He had killed his soul's lover. How bloody ironic!

"Look Xander, er Alex. I need some time to think about all this. Could you leave me alone fer awhile?" Alex let go of Spike and helped him to his feet. "Sure, I ah, I start work tomorrow so I need to do some shopping. You want anything while I'm out?"

Spike gaped at the man in front of him. Alex was a hell of a lot nicer than Xander ever was. "Well, unless yer gonna open a vein for me... again.... I could use some blood. Oh, an' I drank all the beer."

Alex chuckled. "You know Spike, I was right. You would bite me if given the chance, told you I was very biteable, moist and delicious!" Alex grinned and walked toward his room. "Just let me change my clothes and I'll get out of your hair.

"Biteable indeed, yer a real nummy treat, Harris." The laughter from the bedroom made Spike frown. "What?"

Alex returned to the livingroom in jeans and a blue shirt. "You said the exact same thing to me over thirty years ago Spike. Don't you remember? I had you tied to my chair?"

Spike thought back recalled the conversation. "Oh, so I did. Guess somethings never go out of style."

Alex chuckled. "Yeah, unlike your wardrobe."

Spike looked down at his outfit and made a face. He reached up and touched his hair, as he felt the loose curls he pulled his hand away sharply.

"Could use a pair o' jeans and some hair dye." Alex shook his head. "Uh uh. I like Wil's hair the way it is, and so does he. I'll see about the jeans though, maybe some hair gel?"

"That'll do, thanks Xa... Alex."

Alex grabbed his keys and walked to the door. He turned back and looked at Spike. It was weird, it looked like Wil but he could definately tell it was Spike. Wil was sweet, smart, shy and gentle. Where as Spike had always been tough, mean, scary and sexy as hell. You could see by the way the vampire held himself that this was not Wil. Alex was sure that if this was the vampire he had seen that first night in the cemetary he'd have recognized Spike right off.

"I'll be back in a couple hours, Spike. Make yourself at home."

Part Fourteen

After Alex left and Spike was sure he wasn't coming back right away he went over to the box in the corner and pulled out all of the photo albums. He sat on the floor, back against the wall and looked through them all. He could tell these were Dawn's books by the comments written under some of the photos. He missed the girl terribly, she was always nice to him, treated him like a person.

He set the photo albums aside and reached in the box for her diaries. He opened them all and looked at the dates, he wanted to read the one from the last year she was alive. That was the only one with real memories anyway. When he found it he closed his eyes and gathered his strength. He opened his eyes and began to read.

The book was full of teenage thoughts and ramblings. About how unfair life was, how much she missed her mom and resented her sister. Spike couldn't help but chuckle at some of the entries. She disliked Riley almost as much as he did. By the time he got to the night Willow had gone bad he was almost smiling. Then he read the passage.

Today Tara died, it was awful. I came home and no one was here, I found her on the floor of her and Willows room. She was dead. I was so scared, I sat in the corner for hours. Buffy and Xander found me, they told me Willow had gone bad, that she was using dark magic. Buffy insisted I couldn't go with her to find Willow so I asked her to take me to Spike. Xander got mad but she took me anyway. He was gone. I stayed with Clem but I really wanted Spike. He makes me feel safe you know? Next to Buffy he's the strongest person I know.

I tricked Clem into helping me find Racks place, he didn't want to but I can be pretty persuasive. Willow was there already, she tried to kill me. She was going to turn me back into the key. I was so scared until Buffy showed up. Willow transported us to the magic box and then they all started fighting.

Xander told me that Spike tried to rape Buffy. I couldn't believe it. He was like my hero, you know? I thought he was so cool, he was evil but not. Then I found out what he did, I don't know if I can forgive him for that.

Spike couldn't read any further. He closed the book and dropped it back into the box. He had let her down, he had let them all down. All he wanted was for Buffy to love him but he hurt her, he hurt all of them. He hung his head and cried, he cried for his beautiful slayer, for Dawn and for Tara. He cried for the girl Willow used to be before the magic destroyed her. He cried for the watcher, the most stubborn, ballsy man he'd ever met next to Angelus. And he cried for Xander, for the boy he was, who had to endure the death of everyone he loved and not be allowed to join them.

Spike was drained, completely. He dragged himself to his feet and stumbled down the hallway to the bedroom. Once iside he flung himself onto the bed and curled up into a ball. He wanted to disappear again, let William exist in this body and just fade away into nothing, just like Dawn.

Spike closed his eyes and tried to sleep but Dawn's words kept haunting him. She was gone and he would never get the chance to apologize, to explain how wrong he was. He would never get to make ammends to Buffy for hurting her, and then abandoning her. Regardless of what Alex had said, Spike still felt that he could have prevented this if he had been there. He should have been there.


Alex took his time shopping, he was in no hurry to return home. He needed the time to think, to figure out what was happening. His life was like a never ending episode of the 'Twilight Zone' he half expected to see Rod Sterling step out of the next aisle. This being Sunnydale, it was a very real possibility.

He purchased several pairs of jeans for himself and a sturdy pair of work boots. He wandered around the store looking at various things, avoiding the inevitable purchase of hair gel and jeans for Spike. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see Spike, it was just that he wasn't sure what would happen with Wil now. Would he come back? Would he still want Alex or would Spike's influence drive a wedge between them?

Eventually Alex gave in and gabbed jeans and hair gel for Spike. He even went so far as to pick up a couple black t-shirts for the vampire as well. Alex made his way to the check out and paid for his purchases, he carried everything out to the car and put it in the trunk. He lit a cigarette, something he hadn't done much lately as Wil didn't smoke, and leaned against the car. He closed his eyes and just let the calming effect of the nicotine take over. When he finished smoking he got in the car and drove home wondering which vampire he'd find when he got there.

Part Fifteen

Alex let himself into his apartment quietly. He wasn't sure if the vampire would be awake or not, Wil had adopted human hours with running a shop and all but Spike would probably have crashed by now.

Alex emptied the bag from the butchers shop into the fridge and then took the rest of the bags into the living room. After setting everything on the sofa he went and looked in his bedroom to see if the vampire was in there.

Alex stood in the doorway and watched the sleeping form on the bed. He didn't know who was curled up in a little ball in the center of his bed, Wil or Spike? If it were Wil, he wouldn't hesitate on laying down beside him and wrapping his arms around him. He looked so miserable. But if it were Spike, he would likely get bitten for his trouble. But.... he did seem lonely, maybe it didn't matter so much who it was, everyone needed comfort didn't they?

Alex gave a resigned sigh and stripped off his jeans, he pulled on a pair of sweat pants and crawled into bed with the vampire. He figured if nothing else, Spike would be grateful for the heat he provided. And if it were Wil, then maybe they could cuddle when he woke up, possibly even make out a bit?

Alex knew he shouldn't be thinking about kissing Wil, touching Wil, being kissed and touched by Wil. He just couldn't help it, they had come so close to.... before Anya showed up and he was still so very frustrated by that. He wanted to talk to Wil more than anything though, he needed to know that he was alright, that he was still there.

Alex pulled the vampire into his arms and stroked his back soothingly. He sighed contentedly when he felt the other man relax into the embrace. At least he could do this much, in some small way he hoped his presence would be enough to draw Wil back to him. He missed him more than he thought possible. He was sure he was falling for the shy sweet man.... vampire, something he hadn't allowed himself the luxury of doing in longer than he cared to think about.

For Alex, relationships were always a double edged sword. If he allowed himself to fall in love, to feel more than affection for his partner, it would only hurt that much more when he left, or they left him, either because they'd figure out he wasn't quite normal or they would grow old and die. Alex felt himself drifting off, content to just have Wil near him.


When Alex awoke he was somewhat surprised to find that he wasn't alone. He wasn't used to waking up to another person in his bed. Then he remembered that he had fallen asleep curled up with Wil, or Spike, whichever the case may be. He lay there enjoying the feel of Wil's body pressed against him, he played with the soft curls of the vampire's hair. Hopefully the vampire would wake soon and they could begin to figure things out.

Alex was brought out of his internal musings when the body in his arms began to stir. Instinctively he pulled the other man closer and squeezed. The light rumble from the chest of the vampire made Alex smile. This had to be Wil, there was no way that Spike, big bad Spike, purred.

Alex ran his hand up and down the vampire's back, the purring increased. Emboldened, he lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss on the vampire's temple. He smiled when he felt the other man wriggle closer to him and press into him. He sighed as he felt cold lips brush against his neck as Wil burrowed his face into the crook of Alexs' neck. A cool tongue flicked out and tasted his skin and Alex moved his head aside to give him more access. He felt the man freeze as the tongue encountered the two small puncture wounds.

"Alex?" The voice was muffled against his skin.

"Yes?" Alex wasn't entirely sure that it was Wil after all. He couldn't make out the accent either as the vampire's voice was quiet and the word was uttered against his skin.

"Sorry." The vampire pulled away and rolled out of bed. Alex sat up in astonishment and watched as he just walked away without a backward glance.

"Okay, so.....who was that?" Alex asked himself as he got up and followed in the vampire's direction.

Back Index Next

Feed the Author

 Visit the Author's Live Journal  Visit the Author's Fic Journal

Home authors Categories New Stories