Part Four

Alex walked Wil back to his shop, they went inside and talked for a while. It was a bit awkward at first as Alex kept searching for Spike in Wils' eyes. Eventually he realized what he was doing and stopped.

"I'm sorry Wil, this is just a bit strange. I hadn't really expected to find Spike here, it's been thirty years after all. And then I meet you, and I start to think about sticking around to get to know you better, only to find out that you're Spike, but not Spike. You're Wil."

"I understand Alex, it is a shock. My demon's memories of you are so different from the man I have spent the last couple days with. I never would have known you were....Xander, either."

They spent the next few minutes silently contemplating their unusual situation. Finally Wil spoke.

"Alex, can I ask you something?"


"Have you always been gay?"

Alex laughed out loud and Wil looked almost affronted. "No, well sort of. Xander was very...."

"Very much into denial?"

"That's one way of putting it. I guess I've always admired guys, but I never actively pursued those thoughts. Not until I got a girl pregnant. I realized then just how cruel Willow had been in her curse. I can still father children, Wil. I can watch them grow up, get married, have children, grandchildren, and die. Over and over and over. It's the cruelest fate she could give me. Wills knew I always wanted a family."

"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. What...what happened to the woman you....."

"She had a miscarriage. I haven't bedded a woman since then."

"How long ago was that?"

"Twenty two years ago. I've had a total of three lovers in the past twenty two years, and all of them were men. Does that bother you?"

"No. Not at all, it's just.... I've never...."

"But Angel..."

"Angelus. And that was Spike. And it wasn't exactly consensual, it was dominance."

"Oh. So does that mean you don't want to....?"

"No. It just means that I haven't before, and you'll have to be patient with me."

Alex smiled at Wil and was relieved to have it returned. "I have all the time in the world."

"As do I."

"So, we take this slowly. One day at a time."

"Yes, but.....could you kiss me again? Please?"

"Be more than happy to."

This kiss was more than the previous ones. It was full of passion and promise. It went on and on until finally, Alex drew back to catch his breath.

"Gods Wil, I could kiss you forever."

"Yes, you could."

Alex couldn't help the unmanly giggle that escaped his mouth, the truth was he could actually kiss Wil forever. It was funny. And it was exactly what was needed to break the atmosphere of lust that had enveloped them both. If they were going to take their time, they needed to be more careful.

"I should go, Wil. You have to open the shop in the morning and I was planning on looking for work since I'll be staying in town, that and maybe find a nicer place than the motorlodge."

"Yes, that's probably a good idea. We don't want to get too carried away. I'm happy that you've decided to stay Alex."

"Me too, Goodnight Wil."

"Goodnight. Alex? Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Oh yeah. Definately."

Wil leaned in and gently kissed Alex goodnight. After Alex left, Wil touched his face and wondered at the sensation of whisker burn around his mouth. He had never kissed a man with a beard before, he'd never kissed a man before. But even Spike had no memory of kissing a man with a beard. Will rather liked it. He locked the door and went upstairs to his apartment to sleep. He hoped he would dream about Alex.

Alex walked back to the hotel in a daze. It was amazing that in a Sunnydale without a slayer he made it back unharmed. But he did. He was still stunned that Wil was Spike. Well not Spike but William. It was still confusing. He didn't care though. Wil may be a vampire - sort of - but he was still Wil, the sweet shy man that he had begun to fall for the first night he'd met him. The fact that it was Spike's body that he had been holding, Spike's lips that he had been kissing, Spike's tongue that he had sucked into his mouth, none of that mattered now, they were all Wils' as well. Growing up in Sunnydale prepared you to accept the unacceptable and to embrace the unexplained.

The only thing was, the part of Alex that was still Xander missed the snarky arrogant vampire that Wil used to be and was saddened by the loss of him. Especially now that he knew how Spike really felt about Buffy. He felt bad for the way he had treated Spike and now he would never get to apologize.

Part Five

When Wil slept that night he dreamed about Alex, but they were more like memories than dreams. In the dreams Alex was different, he was clean shaven and had short hair, his dress sense has horrid and he was saying some very unpleasant things to him. It was most disturbing.

Wil woke up with the strangest sensation. He remembered the dream, only it wasn't a dream it was a memory. One of the demon's memories of Xander. Odd that. He hadn't brought Spike's memories to the surface in years, why now?

Because you pillock, you just found out that the man you're smitten with is Xander Harris. Spike's greatest annoyance. Wil sighed, arguing with himself wasn't going to help. He wasn't the same man he used to be, why couldn't Alex be different? He knew what he was and wasn't repulsed by it, hells he even said he'd miss the demon-Spike. It was just a side effect of a traumatic night.

Wil lay back down and tried to sleep. He wished he could talk to Spike, let him know what had happened to the slayer and her sister. He deserved to have the truth.

"Oh why the hell not! Spike? If you can hear me I'd like to tell you that I know how Buffy died, who was responsible."

Wil felt stupid talking outloud to a presence that was inside him but he didn't know what else to do. He continued talking, recalling the entire conversation between him and Alex, even the part about Alex and Xander being one and the same. When he was finished he felt both stupid and relieved. Stupid for talking to himself basically, and relieved because if the demon had heard him and understood, perhaps it would give him some measure of closure, or even bring him back from whereever it was it was hiding. Wil felt incomplete without Spike, like half a man.

When Wil fell back asleep he dreamed Spike's memories again. He remembered the initiative, the pain the demon had been put through, the tortures and the starvings. He wanted to wake up, to not relive these things but he was trapped. He remembered every single thing that led the demon to fall in love with the slayer, its mortal enemy.

Wil watched the whole thing as if he were merely a spectator, he remembered the pain and the loneliness, the gut wrenching dispair that drove him to Africa, that his only reason for being had turned him away and in his anger he had crossed a line that he swore he never would. He almost raped the woman he loved.

The years between the cave demon and coming back to Sunnydale went past in a blur. Time slowed once again to the night in the cemetary when he and his demon learned of the slayer's death. Wil could hear the howling of the demon, could feel its rage and grief. It wanted to bring the world to its knees, to make everyone feel his pain as their own. And then Wil was left alone with his thoughts. The demon was silent. Just as it had been for the last twenty-eight years.

Wil woke up with a start. He was shivering and shaking, something vampires don't do. He remembered everything about his dream, he also felt.... different. Like something had changed within himself. It was time to get the shop ready to open, the wards had to be reset on a daily basis to keep him from frying in the sunlight that filtered in through the windows.

Wil showered, dressed, ate and then went downstairs to get the shop ready. After re-setting the wards, he put the cash drawer in the register, turned off the alarm and unlocked the door. He turned the open sign on above the door and waited for the first of the day's customers to come in.


Alex got an early start that day, he wanted to find work and then an apartment. It would be weird living in Sunnydale again but for the chance to be with Wil he was willing to put up with it.

Work hadn't been hard to find, with his skills in carpentry and construction he was hired at the second place he applied to, amusingly enough it was the company he'd worked for all those years ago when he was still Xander Harris, donut boy extrordinarre. The next stop he made was the closest coffee shop so he could go through the classified ads.

While sipping his coffee and reading the paper, Alex made a mental list of the things he would need to do once he found a place. Furniture, that was the first thing he'd have to aquire, unless he got a furnished apartment that is. Secondly, he would need to go by the storage company and make sure that Buffy and Dawn's things were still there. He wondered if he should tell Wil that he still had possession of their things, maybe it would help Spike in some far fetched way to have something of Buffy's. Alex shook his head and sighed.

"Spike is gone, and he's not coming back. You heard what Wil said, he's damaged."

"Did you always talk to yourself Xander? Or is this a new thing?"

Alex looked up sharply at the woman standing in front of him. He could hardly believe it was her, he hadn't seen her in thirty years and he hadn't figured on ever seeing her again.


Part Six

Alex took a good look at the woman sitting across from him. It was her alright. Could his life get any stranger?

"Yes Xander, it's me."

"What are you doing here? What do you want? And it's Alex now, I haven't been Xander for a very long time."

"Alex. Hmmm, I like it. But not the beard, I'm glad you didn't have one when we were together. The long hair is nice though."

"So glad to have your approval. Why. Are. You. Here?"

"I'm in town on business, sensed you here and thought we could chat."

"About what? In case you hadn't noticed, not real big on the hanging out with vengence demons thing."

"Oh, because of what Willow did? It's hardly fair to be mad at me. I didn't curse you. D'hoffryn wouldn't let me, remember?"

"And that makes me feel soooo much better."

"It should. If I had done it, I would have turned you into a troll, or horribly disfigured you. All Willow did was make you immortal."

"Go away Anya, I'm not in the mood for this."

"Fine. I'll just go pop in on Spike. I know he's here as well."

"NO! Leave him alone. Spike isn't......Spike anymore."

"Oh, right. The soul, I forgot about that. Lucky him, Willow had a much worse idea in mind for him. He's lucky that demon souled him first."

"What do you mean?"

"D'Hoffryn said that since the soul had done nothing to wrong Willow, she was forbidden from wreaking vengence on him."

"Wow, that's good then. I mean for Spike, Wil. is Willow? Still very much into the vengence?"

"Yes. She's very good at it. D'Hoffryn is very pleased with her work."

Xander sighed. He had hoped that Willow would realize the mistake she'd made. That somewhere deep inside she was still his best friend, the one he could always depend on. Aparently he was wrong. His Wills was gone.

"But she's okay?"

"Oh, yes. She's an excellent demon. Very creative. Why there was this one girl....."

"Stop! I don't want to know. She's not my Willow anymore. She's... I don't know what she is anymore."

"She was never yours Xand...Alex."

"I have to go Anya. I have places to be."

"Okay. It was nice seeing you again.... Alex. I hope I'll see you again before I leave."

"Yeah, sure."

And with that Anya was gone. No one seemed to notice that she just disappeared, such was life in Sunnyhell. Xander folded up his paper, gulped the rest of his luke-warm coffee and headed out to find an apartment. But first he was going to see Wil. He needed to warn him about Anya being in town. It couldn't be a good sign, his life was just starting to look up and wham! Vengence demon.

As he was heading to Wils' store, Alex kept thinking about what Anya said. Spike had been spared from Willow's vengence only because he had been given a soul. He wondered what Willow had planned to do to Spike, it would have to have been pretty bad if being given a soul was preferable to what she had planned. As far as vampires were concerned, being souled was a fate worse than death.

What had happened to Willow to make her that hard, that cruel. It couldn't have just been Tara's death, they had all lost loved ones before, hell, Buffy had to kill Angel and send him to hell! You didn't see her going all vengence demon on everyone. And Buffy had every reason to want Xander to suffer, he'd lied to her, kept quiet about the fact that Willow was trying to re-soul her lover. There had to be another reason why Wills had turned to D'Hoffryn.


Wil had been feeling out of sorts all morning. He was impatient, insolent, and rather rude to one man who had asked after a book on angels. He didn't know what was wrong with himself and frankly he just wanted to close up the shop and go back to bed.

Wil tried to ignore his seeming mental breakdown, he chocked it up to having a terrible night and tried to let it go. It wasn't easy. He was glad that it was turning out to be a rather slow day for business. He really wanted to just go back upstairs, or perhaps call Alex and talk with him. He felt perhaps he could help him make sense of what was happening to him.


When Alex arrived at the shop he saw Wil standing at the counter, eyes closed and a look of fierce concentration on his face. He walked over and stood behind him. Alex rested his hand on Wils' shoulder and spoke softly in his ear.

"Hey, what's up?"

Wils' eyes didn't open, in fact he didn't move all, but when he spoke.... thirty years seemed to melt away and Alex was left standing in muted shock.

"What the bloody hell do you want Harris?"

The voice, the accent, it wasn't Wil at all. It was harsh, cockney, arrogant, it was...


And then the world turned black.

Back Index Next

Feed the Author

 Visit the Author's Live Journal  Visit the Author's Fic Journal

Home authors Categories New Stories