Rating: NC-17
Pairing: little variations of Spike/Xander/Vamp!Xander
Summary: Xander should know not to make wishes.
Warning: humor that might not make sense, gay sex
Time-Span: Centers on the Season 3 episode: The Wish. Takes place in Season 6, up to and including Hell's Bells. Spuffy? What's that?

Note: This is for Bloodclaim’s The Colour, Sound and Random Object Spander Ficathon. This was my assignment: Author name: Zero (spikyllama at LJ)
Preferred rating and genre (i.e. NC-17, H/C, schmoop, angst, etc): NC-17, and H/C or humour would be best, but anything other than schmoopy fluff is wonderful.
Your Colour: Silver
Your Sound: Running water.
Your Random Object: A dead or dying pot plant.
Two things you'd like included: Smoking, especially Spike but would be cool to see Xander give it a go. And no obligation, but Xander/Xander is a real kink.
Two things you don't want included: Fluff, unhappy ending.

The Wish Effect


The banging on the door could be heard from his bedroom. Between two wooden doors and a 24-pack of beer, Xander was mildly shocked he noticed at all. He didn't want any visitors. Sighing, he knew that it was probably Willow coming to check up on him. Not wanting to give his friend even the smallest chance to forget her simple acceptance of his wedding disappearance, Xander fought his way to his feet and into the living room.

The front door seemed to vibrate with the power behind the knocking. Frowning slightly, Xander wobbled from his spot. Willow wouldn't knock that hard. It took him a moment to form the word, his beer induced world turning foggy. "Hello?"

"Open the door, whelp." Spike voice ordered. Xander frowned harder, but made his way to the door none the less.

"What do you want, S...s..." Xander trailed off, blinking. "Spike!"

"I want inside, Harris. Your neighbor is starting to give me the bloody eye again." Spike grumbled on the other side of the door. Xander let out a long sigh, before unlocking the door and allowing the vampire entrance.

"What is it?" Xander asked in a tired voice. Spike eyed him carefully, before sauntering into the kitchen. Xander leaned against his still opened door and watched the vampire prepare himself a cup of blood. Xander wasn't even aware he had any blood left in his fridge.

"Just thought I'd check up on you, yeah?" Spike said. "Tough bit, dumping Anya like that."

"I'd imagine she's off getting her demon thing on about now." Xander slurred at him. Spike raised a simple eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing." Spike snapped, placing his mug into the sink. Xander didn't even yell at him for not cleaning it out. "Thought I'd invite you out for a bit of a patrol. Looks like you could use the night air. Though, I wouldn't mind if you showered first. I could smell you all the way down the hall."

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" Xander asked, his eyes narrowing. Spike didn't respond. Instead, he listened as Xander said one weird thing after another, in the simple understanding that a person only received when thoroughly plastered. "You would love for me to take a shower and get clean. Running water and... stuff. Man, you vampires suck! You... I don't know how you live with it. All that smelling and the hearing? That would annoy me. Can't deny I don't want to know what it was like though. Did you know I was a vampire in another dimension?"

"Really?" Spike asked. He looked Xander up and down, taking in the pizza stained shirt and fuzzy face. "Don't buy it."

"I was too!" Xander exclaimed, stepping away from the opened door, as though standing upright would prove his point. "I was a bad ass. Angel was my puppy!"

"Please." Spike snorted.

"Well, he was Willow's puppy. But I was in charge. I was evil and I was a bad ass." Xander paused a moment to burp. A sigh escaped him. "That feels better."

"You are disgusting, whelp." Spike informed him.

"Man, Spike. Look at me!" Xander threw his arms wide. "I'm in one of the worse situations a man could get into. I left my fiancé at the altar, simply to have her return to her vengeance ways. I'm drinking enough to subdue a grown elephant. I'm getting my kicks by talking to you! This is insane."

"I feel sorry for you. Really, I do." Spike said with no sincerity at all.

"You have no respect for me." Xander stated. A wavering frown formed on his face, a sure sign that Alexander Harris was about to cry.

"Bloody hell." Spike mumbled.

"I wish you could have met the vampire me. You'd so respect me then." Xander told him.

"Would not." Spike denied.

"Yes, you would!" Xander argued.

Both men continued to argue, not even noticing the figure watching from the hallway. A slow smile appeared on the figures face. With a voice that told of age and smoke, the figure spoke. "Done."

"Why are you spending time with me?" Xander suddenly asked. Spike would have stopped to at least pretend to hit the boy on the side of his head, if it hadn't been for the large vampire trying to rip his head off.

Stepping down hard on the vampire's inner foot, Spike twisted around to punch him in the face. The creature hissed in annoyance, before literally tackling Spike to the ground. They rolled around the ground a moment until Spike got the advantage. Straddling the vampire's waist, he swiftly thrusted his stake into his heart. Spike calmly got to his feet, slipping the stake into his pocket. It took him a moment to notice that Xander had yet to speak, not since his idiotic question. Looking over, Spike's mind froze mid-thought.

He never would have believed that Xander could look sexy, not if he hadn't seen it for himself. Nor had he believed that Xander could look so shocked. The boy's heart was attempting to pop out of his chest at the rate it was beating. Blinking, Spike took in the picture before him. Xander, the living breathing human, was being pinned to the nearest crypt. The being holding him there was, well, Xander.

"Bloody hell." Spike stated.

"Uh, Spike, a little help here?" Xander squeaked out. The other Xander, who seemed to have a fetish for leather, turned in Spike's direction. If Spike wanted to, he would of gasped. Thankfully, he didn't feel like it. It never was a good idea to show shock in front of a potential enemy. Still, Xander looked rather fetching as a vampire.

"Bloody hell." Spike stated once more.

"You've already said that, Fangless." Xander hissed. Vamp!Xander's lips slowly curled up into a grin. "Oh, god. Oh, god. I'm going to die! I'm going to die by my own hand. I never thought this would happen. I'm going to get drained by me!"

"Calm. Down." Vamp!Xander ordered.

"I can so do calm." Xander nodded eagerly. "This is me being calm. See? Calm and loose. Fancy fucking free, is what I am."

"Do me a favor?" Vamp!Xander asked. "Shut up."

"So... Where are you from?" Xander asked, not following the vampire's orders at all. No way was he going to be his own butt monkey! "What should I call you? You can't go by Xander, because, heh, that's my name. How about Xan? Or Alex! What do you think, Spike?"

"You are a moron, whelp." Spike informed him. "...But I'm partial to Alex, myself."

"You would be." Xander snorted, before yelping as Vamp!Xander released him. He fell to the ground with a thump, a low ground echoing from his mouth. "For that, I'm so calling you Alex."

"Whatever." The now dubbed Alex growled. "Now, human, what is this place?"

"This island Earth." Xander found himself saying. Spike chuckled softly. Alex growled again, before kicking Xander harshly in his side. Spike frowned. Not that he wasn't supportive of Xander getting a good ass kicking, he felt rather put out. Xander was his for the beating, not some wussie Xander-shaped vampire. A small wheeze escaped Xander and Spike found himself shoving Alex out of the way to help Xander to his feet.

"Back off." Spike told the vampire. Alex tilted his head, his nostrils flared. After a moment's gaze, his face shifted to human form.

"What is this place?" Alex asked once more, this time toward Spike.

"Sunnydale." Spike let go of Xander, who clutched his bruised side and glared at both vampires. Spike was thankful he at least kept his mouth shut.

"It's different than my Sunnydale, then." Alex commented.

"Yeah, well. This place is all goodie-good, isn't it?" Spike shrugged. "What with the Slayer-"

"Slayer?" Alex asked sharply. "She's here?"

"Yeah. What? Your Sunnydale don't have one?" Spike was immediately intrigued. As much as he liked Buffy, and he used that term rather loosely as of late, a Sunnydale without a Slayer would be rather fun.

"No. Sunnydale belongs to the Master." Alex replied. Xander gasped and tilted towards Spike, as though he was going to fall over. Both Spike and Alex ignored him, as was expected. "You're not Spike, as in William the Bloody, are you?"

"I am." Spike replied, eyes narrowed.

"It's wonderful to see you... Again." Alex grinned a toothy and strangely feral smile.

Xander felt strange. He wasn't sure whether it was because he was sitting in Spike's crypt, as though he often visited the dank, dark deathbed. He didn't know if it was because he had the vampire version of himself sitting across from him, possibly from the same dimension as skanky, vampire Willow. No, Xander wasn't sure about that. He had a feeling, though, that it was due to Spike and this so called Alex talking about torture sessions and old times.

Yes. That was bound to make a guy feel weird.

Then again, it could of been that bottle of Jack Daniels Spike had offered him, which he had immediately downed. It was a stupid move, but he was in the literal Twilight Zone. Maybe here, alcohol didn't effect him. That, however, was turning out to be a false hypothesis.

Huh. Was that Alex's hand on his thigh?

Blinking, Xander stared at the hand. It looked just like his, except pale. He had a funky looking silver ring on, as well. Strange. Oh, and there was no scar on the thumb. He remembered getting that scar. He was patrolling with Buffy one night, when they got attacked by vampires. Hehe. Vampire bite. Xander chuckled to himself.

What had they put in that Jack Daniels? Oooo, look. Vodka.

Ah, yes. The fuzzy vision was suiting Xander nicely. He could barely make out Spike across the room. Why was his shirt off? Xander blinked, forcing his vision to make out Spike's movement. Holy Hera, was he taking his pants off? What was going on around here?

"What's going on around here?" Xander asked, loudly. Alex chuckled next to him and the hand slid up his thigh and closer to his own zipper.

"Spike is just giving me a nice show for old times sake." Alex whispered in his ear, before something slick and wet touched it.

Xander should of screamed and jumped away. After all, he just got licked by himself. Instead, he found himself groaning at the contact. Alex seemed to cuddle closer to him, if the steel like grip could be considered cuddling. Xander slowly looked over at him, watching as the vampire lifted a cigarette to his mouth and took a long drag. When did he pick up smoking?

A flash of pale, pale skin caught his attention. Spike was completely nude now. Spike walked over to them, an obvious grin on his blurry face. Xander blinked once more. Huh. Apparently his nether regions enjoyed a good Spike body, because he was certainly supporting the bare essentials of Spike's anatomy. Heh, anatomy. What a funny word.

"Pay attention, little one." Alex bit down lightly on his ear lobe before standing. Xander watched him intently, his drunken mind holding true to the order.

Alex met Spike about two feet from the sofa. Their bodies seemed to immediately meld together. Spike's skin bled into Alex's black leather pants. Alex's face blurred into Spike's. That, perhaps, was because they were now kissing. Tongue and lips. A small noise from Alex. It was slow and sensual. Xander felt compelled to simply watch the soft dance.

The gentle touch lasted all of one minute, then Spike was nearly ripping Alex's clothes off. Xander wanted to feel violated, watching Spike take the clothing off his double. Strangely, he didn't. He blamed that one on the vodka, however, and continued watching. Once Alex was undressed, Spike carefully removed the cigarette that had somehow managed to stay between Alex's fingers. The pale vampire took a drag, finishing it off, before tossing it somewhere in Xander's direction. Xander was so focused on their groins meeting, that he didn't even bother to dodge the small missile.

Xander wasn't too shocked to see that vampire sex had a lot of growling. Though, he was embarrassed to say that Alex sounded more like he was mewling. Wasn't Spike suppose to be the one who acted like a cat? Xander blinked, something that was becoming quite common since entering this scenario. Blink, change scene. That seemed to be how it worked. So, Xander blinked. And the scene changed.

Xander probably passed out for a brief moment, becuase the two vampires were now in different positions. In fact, Alex appeared to be straddling Xander's thighs. Xander leaned back on the sofa, looking up with wide eyes. Spike could be seen over Alex's shoulder, showing his game face. Alex was rocking back, his cock alternately rubbing against Xander's jean-clad thigh.

This really shouldn't have turned Xander on as much as it did.

Alex's hands suddenly gripped Xander's shoulder tightly. The dark vampire panted above him. Xander wasn't stupid, he'd watched gay porn once when he was young and before his father had let him know it was wrong. Xander knew exactly what Spike had just done. The mental image added to the sexual desire suddenly pooling in Xander's lap. Spike was having sex with the vampire version of himself.

As Alex's eyes met Xander's, he could perfectly see the details in his mind. He couldn't see what was happening over Alex's shoulder, but he knew by instinct what was going on. He could envision Spike's hard cock sliding into Alex and pulling out, only to thrust back in. Spike was harsh in his thrusts, it was evident with Alex's moans and hard grip. The way his vampire double arched up against him, his cock rubbing lightly against Xander's clothed lap.

Xander moaned softly along with Alex, fighting the urge to grab a hold of one of them. He didn't really care which one at that point, as long as he got some physical contact. Alex seemed to understand this, because Xander suddenly felt his head being gripped by strong hands. He was pulled forward a few inches and a soft mouth literally plundered his own.

Xander took a small moment to push the alcohol out of mind, long enough to develop this one thought: He was kissing himself. It was almost like kissing the mirror, except there was no cold glass. No, this was nearly warm, due to friction, and sweet and harsh and went on forever. Xander rather liked kissing himself, though he knew he would be freaking out in the morning. He could hear Spike crying out, followed by Alex. It was muffled by their locked lips, but evident none the less. And as the two vampires came down from their orgasms, Xander allowed the vodka and Jack Daniels to send him into the abyss.

Spike sat on the dusty tomb of his crypt, watching as Xander mumbled in his sleep. He waited. And then waited some more. He was still waiting when Xander yelled out something about gay footballs and then proceeded to roll off the sofa. Spike tilted his head and looked down, meeting Xander's bleary eyes.

"Where am I?" Xander asked, smacking his lips. "Spike? Why are you in my house?"

"This is my home, whelp." Spike snorted. "Like I would be in that hell hole you call a home."

"Shut up." Xander groaned, rolling to his side in hope that it would aide in his ability to sit up. It didn't, and Xander continued to lay there. He blinked, then glanced once more at Spike. "Where is Alex?"

"Oh, hmm... Him, eh?" Spike asked with an off handed tone. "He got a little hungry, is all."

"What?" Xander sat up, gripping his forehead. "He let him go hunting?"

"Well, yeah." Spike shrugged. "Young vampire has to eat you know. And seeing how I was his Sire, well..."

"Wait... Huh?" Xander frowned. He slowly stood up and leaned against the tomb, staring at Spike with confused eyes.

"Yeah." Spike nodded. "Apparently, in his dimension, the Master became ruler of Sunnydale. Me, being the brilliant vampire that I am, offered tribute to him while passing through. My offer was a tasty young fledge with a desire to torture like you wouldn't believe. I'm almost tempted to turn you, mate. Just to see if you would turn out the same."

"Yeah, right." Xander rolled his eyes. "Can we just go and get Alex, now? We need to get him sent back."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Spike asked snidely. "Red can't do magic anymore, remember? Who's going to send him back? What, are you going to call on your ex-girlfriend to put her demon abilities to good use? Wish him away?"

"Wish..." Xander shook his head, as though trying to remember something. Had he...? "Oh my god."


"Oh my god!" Xander covered his face with his hands and let out a desperate groan. "I made a wish."

"Huh? When?"

"The other night when you saved me from my drunken home." Xander replied. Spike stared at him. "Remember my tirade on you having respect for me?"

"You are a bloody idiot." Spike informed him. "Your ex is a vengeance demon, Harris! You don't make wishes out loud."

"Right, well... Hey!" Xander exclaimed. "I'll just find Anya and have her reverse it. Right? No problem!"

"I'm sorry, but this number is no longer in service. If you believe you have made this call in error, please hang up and dial again."

"Stupid bitch!" Xander literally screeched, throwing his phone across the room.

"Right. Now that you're done killing your worldly possessions, can I go?" Spike asked. He nodded toward Alex, who stood at the doorway, unable to come in. "Me and the boy want to go have a little fun, yeah?"

"Oh, no!" Xander glared. "You are not going on a killing spree!" Spike opened his mouth, only to have Xander interrupt him. "And you are not having him kill the humans, just so you can feed off their barely dead bodies."

"Well, it was worth a shot." Spike said, literally pouting.

"I hate you." Xander hissed for no apparent reason. He could feel Alex smirking from the door, and that only made him madder. "You... Stupid vampire."

"That hurts, pet. Really." Spike rolled his eyes.

"I do not want to talk to you." Xander began to pace, alternating between glaring at Spike and staring at Alex. "We have a situation here. Alex can not be here, okay? It just might disrupt the universe for all we know! We need to fix it."

"I think he's just a little freaked from the sex." Alex commented. Spike leered, showing his agreement.

"Excuse me?" Xander asked, his voice oddly high pitched. "There was no sex!"

"Oh, come on." Alex snickered. "Don't tell me you forget. Remember? Watching Spike thrust into me with smooth strokes. Wishing it was you, instead of me."

"God, are all vampires pervy?" Xander asked.

"You enjoyed that kiss a bit too much, Xander." Alex replied in a soft voice. Xander fought down a shiver. "I know you wanted me for that split second, but that's not all. You want him, don't you? All to yourself as it were."

"Oh, please!" Xander exclaimed. "Spike and me? That is ridiculous. Did you get a hold of some bad blood during your little hunt? Honestly, Alex, you should avoid the drug addicts."

"Will you both shut up?" Spike asked. "It's bad enough having to listen to one of you. I don't think I can bloody well stand both."

"No one asked your opinion." Xander informed him.

Spike rolled his eyes before he began sauntering around the room, while Xander once again started up the bickering with his vampire counterpart. Their arguing was kind of like a buzzing fly, constant in Spike's ear but easily ignored. Sighing out of boredom, he poked the soil of Xander's lone potted plant. It looked in need of water, it was so close to dying. Ignoring the other two, he picked it up and walked into the kitchen. He turned on the water, testing it with his hands until it was the perfect temperature. At the sound of the water pouring out of the facet, Xander peeked through the doorway.

"You're watering my plant?" Xander asked with pure shock as he watched Spike set the plant into the sink. He grabbed a hold of the wall, the fact that Spike was doing something almost sweet being too much for him. "You do know that you don't have to test the temperature, right?"

"Why not?" Spike asked, almost pouting.

"Umm, because... I don't know, you just don't!"

"Well, you never know, do you?" Spike pointed out. "They might enjoy a cool washing instead of freezing cold water."

"Yes, whatever." Xander relented. "I'll leave you to protecting the house plants of the world why I go to the Magic Box and find a way to get Alex home. Besides, I'm sure Anya is there. She's still a money fanatic, human or not."

"Xander." Anya said, watching with narrowed eyes as her ex-fiancé entered the shop. Spike entered after him, followed by... "Xander, did you come into contact with that Toth guy again? One would think you would learn to not make the same mistake twice. I don't think I want to put you back together right now."

"What?" Xander asked, before shaking his head. "No! He's from another dimension. Anya, did you summon the vampire version of me due to my drunken wish?"

"Xander, how silly of you." Anya said with a sigh, looking pained. "I can't exact vengeance on you for personal reasons." She glanced at Alex, who was poking around the shelf containing crystal balls. "Besides, he's not here due to a vengeance spell."

"And how do you know that?" Spike asked.

"Don't be stupid. I can simply tell." Anya snapped. She fiddled with the cash register a moment, before continuing. "It's from a cupid demon."

"A what?" Xander frowned. "Cupid? With the little wings and bows and arrows?"

"Oh, please." Anya waved her arm. "Like they look like that! They take human form, live out a human's lifetime, and grant wishes that will result in love."

"So... Why is he here?" Xander pointed at his vampire double, who was looking decidedly bored.

"How am I suppose to know?" Anya glared. "Will you go away? You're making me feel sad. Not to mention you are possibly scaring off costumers."

Xander didn't even bother to point out that the shop was closed for the night. Instead he grabbed Alex's arm and dragged him back to his apartment, ignoring both Alex and Spike's protests the whole while. The had just reached his hallway, when Spike came to a halt next to him. Frowning, Xander gripped Alex tightly and turned to him. "What?"

"It's that neighbor of yours!" Spike hissed. Down the hall, two doors away from Xander's, a little old lady exited her home. Humming an oddly cryptic tune, she headed their way. As she spotted Spike, her eyes widened and a lecherous grin appeared. "Bloody hell, hide me!"

"She's already seen you, you idiot." Xander replied.

"Oh, hello, Alexander!" The little old woman greeted, not taking her eyes off of Spike. "How was your day?"

"Eh, the usual. How are you, Ms. Cupade?" Xander asked. Spike did a double take at the name and suddenly began poking Xander in the arm.

"Wonderful, dear. And how is your boyfriend?" The woman asked, eyeing Spike like he was a tasty piece of cheesecake. Spike poked harder.

"B-boyfriend?" Xander stuttered, then narrowed his eyes at the vampire. "Spike! Stop it!"

"Oh, this is classic." Alex chuckled from beside Xander.

"Well, I'm sure you have things to do." Ms. Cupade said, grinning wider.

"Ow, Spike!" Xander yelped. Spike pressed his hand to his forehead at the chip's twinge, before turning a dark glare to Xander. "What is wrong with you?"

"That's her!" Spike hissed.


"The cupid demon!" Spike exclaimed in a loud voice. Ms. Cupade blinked in shock.

"Her?" Xander asked, pointing at the little old lady. "No way."

"You really don't watch enough television." Alex told him. "It's always the one you least suspect."

"I do not need advice from my undead twin." Xander pointed out, before turning toward Ms. Cupade. "Hey, where did she go?"

"That way! Come on!" Spike announced. They immediately began to run after the old woman. Apparently, for a demon, she wasn't very fast. They caught up with her at the elevator, where she stood panting for breath.

"Ms. Cupade?" Xander asked, watching as the old woman gripped her chest. "I'm sorry to frighten you, but are you a demon?"

"Silly boy." Ms. Cupade chuckled breathlessly. "Of course I am!"

"See! Told you!" Spike said triumphantly. Xander chose to ignore him. Along with Alex, who was leaning against the wall laughing.

"Umm... Ma'am, I was wondering... Did you grant my wish the other night?" Xander asked slowly.

"Yes, I believe I did." Ms. Cupade fanned herself and sent him a grin. "Did it work? You two certainly look happy."

"Umm... Huh?"

"Oh, I was trying to set you up with your cute little British friend." Ms. Cupade explained. "The Powers have been up my hide about you two for the past year and a half at least. I had to wait for you to make a wish, however. And, well, I know it wasn't the best wish to grant... But, there you are. It certainly brought you closer."

"Me and Spike?" Xander squeaked.

"Like you didn't see it coming." Alex scoffed.

"Me and Spike?" Xander repeated.

"Yes, you and Spike." Ms. Cupade smiled.

"Me and the whelp?" Spike frowned, looking Xander up and down. Then, with a shrug, he threw his arm across Xander's shoulders. "Who am I to argue with the Powers That Be, eh?"

"Me and Spike?" Xander said once more.

"Do me a favor, love?" Spike asked Ms. Cupade. "Send Alex here back to his home dimension, hmm? Don't want to have to share Dumbo, here."

"Of course, sweetheart." Ms. Cupade flicked her wrist and with a pop Alex was gone. "You two have fun."

"Will do." Spike replied, leering.

"Oh, and here." Ms. Cupade reached into her purse and handed Spike something. Spike glanced down before slipping the item into his back pocket. With a smile, the cupid demon entered the elevator. As the doors shut, Spike turned to Xander with a satisfied smile.

"Me and Spike?" Xander said weakly.

"It's a nightmare." Xander whispered as they entered his apartment. Spike sauntered in after him, being careful to shut the door firmly and lock it. Xander tossed his coat on the sofa and stared at it. "It's a nightmare. Like... Like... Going to school naked, only so much worse. Clowns! Poisoned chocolate! Oh god."

"Calm down, pet." Spike said softly, coming up behind him. The vampire's body pressed against Xander's, Spike's nose nuzzling his neck almost like a cat.

"Nightmare." Xander repeated, shaking his head.

"Will you shut up, already?" Spike growled. He grabbed Xander by the shoulders and turned him around. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm in the process of seducing you here!"

"What?" Xander exclaimed, looking down at where Spike's hand had just rested on his hip. He looked up at Spike's clear blue eyes and frowned. "Huh? Spike... Did you get a hold of some bad blood? I heard that mad cow disease was going around, maybe you... Uh... What are you doing?"

"I'm unzipping your pants." Spike stated in a tone similar to discussing cloud formation.

"Oh, okay." Xander nodded, before darting away in a panic. "Whoa! Not okay!"

"Oh, come on, whelp!" Spike exclaimed, stalking towards him once more. "We got the bloody Powers That Be begging us to get together! Might as well oblige, eh?"

"Spike, you didn't really believe her, did you?" Xander asked, his brown eyes wide. "She's a demon!"

"So." Spike shrugged.

"You don't even like me." Xander pointed out as his back hit the wall. Spike closed in on him, slipping off his duster before pressing his body once again against Xander's. "Spike, honestly... Is there something wrong with you? Because this is-"

"Pet, shut up." Spike interrupted. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting to sink my-"

"Whoa!" Xander exclaimed, cutting Spike off mid sentence. "There will be no biting!"

"Sink my cock into that firm arse of yours?" Spike finished. Xander's face flushed a deep red at the vampire's words. His browned eyes darted around the room, hoping for something to distract him. He could feel his body react to Spike's words despite his efforts. The blood in his head rushed southward at such an incredible speed, he thought he would faint.

"You are an evil, evil vampire." Xander stated with an almost calm voice.

"Xander." Spike purred in his ear. "Let's take this to the bedroom, hmm?"

"I don't want to." Xander whined. It was useless, and deep down he knew it. Spike had a mission. A mission that would no doubt result in losing his male virginity. Spike was a very stubborn vampire, a bit slow on the uptake, but stubborn none the less. Xander briefly hoped that this encounter turned out better than his hour of sexy choke-the-man game with Faith. As he thought, Xander was vaguely aware of Spike dragging him into the bedroom and pushing him down onto the bed. Sighing, Xander looked up at the impatient vampire. "Are you going to choke me to death after this?"

Spike paused in pulling off his t-shirt. "Pardon?"

"Are you going to choke me after this? Or maybe force me to swallow a bottle of aspirin, thus resulting in my untimely death... Considering you can't actually physically harm me, you know." Xander babbled. "Huh, maybe that's what happened to Marilynn Monroe?"

"Nah, she just had sex with a Morkothos demon." Spike replied, having only understood the last comment.

"Really?" Xander asked, looking amazed. "What's a Morkothos demon?"

"Nasty little bugger." Spike replied, tossing his shirt away and unbuttoning his pants. "They have tentacles that erupt during orgasm, releasing a toxic seed that kills anyone with red blood cells."

"That's disgusting." Xander commented, before eyeing Spike. The vampire reached into his back pocket and tossed a tube onto the bed next to Xander. Xander looked down at it, then turned wide eyes to the vampire, who was in the process of pulling off his jeans. "You had that in your pocket?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, mate, sure did." Spike replied off handedly, kicking his black jeans to the side.

"Did you plan this?" Xander asked, suddenly suspicious. "You planned this, didn't you? You had that tube of lubricant in your pocket, thinking you can get me to spread 'em wide! You little... Damn it, Spike, you are such a slut!"

"Slut?" Spike stared at him a moment, standing naked in all his glory, before shrugging. "Maybe. Maybe not. Now get your damn pants off so things can get interesting."

"You are such a pain in the ass." Xander complained.

"Uh, pet, that's kind of the point." Spike replied. The blonde vampire stepped forward and quickly wrestled the shirt off of Xander. Not that Xander protested much, he was too busy staring at the growing piece of man flesh that was right in his face. And by growing, he really meant growing. Eyes wide, Xander sat there impassively as Spike undressed him, not even making a sound until Spike started lifting and pushing in order to get his pants off. "You know, you could try and help."

"Umm, no." Xander replied.

"You're not still worried about me choking you, are you?" Spike asked, having finally stripped Xander bare. "Why would you ask something like that, anyway?"

"Well, I lost my virginity to Faith and she tried to kill me with a super powered choke hold afterwards." Xander shrugged. "Seems like a trend, getting nearly killed after virginal sex."

"Well, pet," Spike grinned and crawled up onto the bed. He pressed himself against Xander's back, wrapping his arms around Xander's warm torso. "Have you ever heard of dying from pleasure?"

Xander was beginning to have a revelation. Actually, make that many revelations. It was startling the things you realized during sex.

First was the fact that Spike was actually sexy. Not sexy in the 'hey, he's kind of compact and muscular' kind of way. More like he was sexy in the 'oh my god, I want to force him to never wear clothes again'. Which, considering Spike lack of modesty, was probably possible.

Secondly was the fact that he might be gay. Possibly bisexual, but during the course of sexy Spike touching he was willing to vote for gay. Xander was shocked that he wasn't as, well, shocked as he should be. After all, if Willow could be gay, then why couldn't he?

There were a few other revelations, but they were smothered by how nice and sensitive Spike could actually be. The vampire was going slowly, making sure to only make a move when Xander was ready. Xander had no idea Spike could be so patient. When the first finger breached him, Xander chose not to think anymore.

Spike took his time stretching and preparing Xander for entry. Deep down, Xander understood that it simply was so the chip wouldn't fire off during the fun thrusting, but every time Spike lightly stroked a finger near his prostate, he could only beg for more. Spike finally removed his fingers and Xander's legs automatically wrapped around Spike's waist. The head of Spike's cock first brushed his hole, before finally pushing in. Panting, Xander opened his eyes, locking with Spike's blues. He gasped at the first thrust, then literally melted into a puddle of pleasure as Spike continued sliding into him. Xander's head fell back against the pillow, a low groan escaping him almost continuously.

It lasted longer than he thought it would. Not because of their lack of stamina, and thanks to Spike being a vampire and his training through Anya, they had a lot of stamina. It was because of the shots of pleasure that kept shooting up his spine with each touch. The little explosions of electricity that he knew Spike was feeling as well. When they finally reached orgasm, Xander was certain the secretary working in the leasing office on the first floor had heard their screams.

"I would like to take this opportunity to say that I still hate you." Xander panted out as they lay on the bed in post-coital bliss.

"'Course you do, pet." Spike replied in a tone that was more than slightly condescending.

"I'm serious." Xander glared. He tried to roll over in order to properly glare, but found that he had no energy left.

"Sure thing." Spike said.

"Dumb ass." Xander mumbled, resting his head on Spike's shoulder.

"Idiot." Spike said fondly. Xander frowned, but said nothing in reply. He would worry about it tomorrow. Or perhaps the next day. Perhaps, though, he could talk Spike into one more sweaty man-sex session. Then he would kick Spike out. Possibly. After a while, anyway.

...He'd get around to kicking Spike out sooner or later.

The End

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