Nominated for Best NC-17 8/28/04

Okay, this whole damn thing started when Rowained posted this about a dream she had after eating the foods Xander does in the story. Rowained offered it up as a homeless plot bunny. Well, it adopted me!

"Xander is caught in the middle of a miscast spell (yeah, once again... poor guy's luck with witches, eh?), causing him to turn into a true hermaphrodite (human with both sets of genitalia -- male and female -- each fully functioning). Spike is obsessively fascinated by this, and begins an all-out seduction of Xan. ...I'm pretty sure my dreams indicated that Spike used a succubus/wet dream approach to fun Xan-sex."  

I have never had more feed back than for this silly little story that came pouring out of me. Thank you to all who asked for more. This is dedicated to you.


Rated NC-17

Dream a Little Dream


“Hey, Ladies? I brought your…” with a startled yelp from all three inhabitants of the room, Xander tripped over a brazier and landed on his tailbone in the center of a chalked circle. The two pizzas and VHS tapes he was carrying went flying across the room. He had just seconds to register the looks of horror on Tara’s and Willow’s faces, and the fact they were naked before he was engulfed in a cloud of crackling silver energy.

Willow and Tara exchanged looks of disbelief before both started to chant different things. Their eyes met again, and they trailed off. They started chanting again, only to have switched chants. Within the circle, Xander moaned and writhed. Both witches knew they had to finish the spell as they were casting it or it would be harder to sort out afterwards.

In the circle, the energy felt like smooth hands running over his body, and he trembled in its touch for a breathless instant. Dimly, he heard his friends chanting outside the circle. What the hell have I fallen into now? Then the forces started to pull at him, and he felt like clay in a potter’s hands. His shirt grew tight and he mindlessly tore it off. He felt his manhood… shift and he tore at his pants to get at what was causing a feeling of… openness on his body. His pants followed the shirt and Xander lay naked and panting within the circle as the light died away and the chanting stopped.

“Oh, no,” Tara whispered, eyeing the panting Xander.

“Well, that’s... interesting…” Willow said.

Dazed, Xander looked up at the two. “What’s so interesting? What… what did I fall into? Cause naked fun I like.”

“Um…” Willow stalled, reaching for a discarded t-shirt.

At that moment, the door burst open and Spike strode in. “I brought the kung pao chicken..." he stopped dead and his mouth dropped open. "Holy..."

Tara and Willow scrambled for clothing, but Spike only had eyes for Xander.

“What is it, bleach boy?” Xander said irritably, shaking off the last of the spell's effects. “Never seen a naked guy before?”

“Never seen a naked one of you before, and I’ve seen a lot.” Absently, Spike set the bag of fragrant Chinese food on the table and walked over to look down at Xander.

Xander grew rapidly uncomfortable at the vampire’s scrutiny as his head tilted to one side and his eyes glazed with lust. “Can I get out of this circle, now, Willow?”  

“Um, yeah."

Spike held out a hand to help Xander up, but he only stared at it, scrabbling away from the vampire. "What's wrong with you, Spike?"

Spike's eyes traveled slowly down Xander's body and back up. "So this wasn't on purpose?"

"No! I didn't mean to get naked. I came in and they were casting a spell for some reason, and I tripped, landing in their circle. My clothes felt tight. I guess I ripped them off." Xander spied his pants and turned to scoop them up, drawing a gasp of indrawn breath from Spike. At the same time, he became aware of... something on his chest. He froze and slowly looked down. "Breasts! I've got breasts!" He stood up, cupping the alien mounds of flesh.

"Yeah, you do, Pet," Spike breathed. Look like C cups. Very nice."

"What!" With a sudden horror, Xander remembered the shifting he felt. His hands flew to his crotch. Cock? Still there. Great! Nuts? Check. and below... Xander let out a shriek as his fingers slipped into a moist void. "What the hell have you done?" He wheeled on the witches who now stood uncomfortably nearby, clutching one another.

"We, uh..." they flushed and sputtered until Spike stepped in.

"They were having a bit of fun, weren't you, loves? Once in a while turn one into a bloke so you can have a good poke without cheating. It's common enough in covens. And you stumbled into it, Harris."

Xander waved his arms at them, felt the unfamiliar bounce of his breasts and clutched at them. “Well! Undo it!"  

“I don’t know if we can.” Willow admitted weakly.

“What! But I’m a ham... hum…”

“Hermaphrodite, love.” Spike supplied, still ogling Xander. “First one I ever seen…”

“Well, stop seeing me, Spike.” Xander snatched up his pants and hopped into them. “Is that what you were up to?”

“Maybe. It’s harmless if someone doesn’t come tripping in. And, first off, you guys weren’t supposed to come over until Wednesday!” Willow tried to regain some face.

“It is Wednesday, Red,” Spike said, still gazing at Xander who nodded in agreement.

“Now lets’ get back to why you can’t undo me!” Xander shouted.

“We need to work out the spell and cast it right. We started doing the cast on spell when you came in and then one of us switched to the cast off, then we switched back…” Willow trailed off, gazing at the carpet.

“Lovely! What am I supposed to do in the mean time?"

“We can go see if all your plumbing works, love.” Spike suggested.

“EW! A huge, never ever EW, Spike!” Xander scooped up his shirt and pulled it on, only to find just how big C cups really were.  Tara suppressed a giggle at the sight of Xander’s nipples straining against the too-tight t-shirt.

“Guys! Guys!” Willow said. “Let’s just relax a minute, eat some dinner, and we’ll sort this out with a fresh mind, Okay?”

Xander sighed, and tried to hide his breasts by crossing his arms. “Only if you find me a bigger shirt and he quits leering at me!”

Tara went upstairs and returned with one of her more plain peasant tops. Xander snagged it and stalked off to the bathroom.

“Spike? Do you want Chinese or pizza?”

“Either one, Pet,” Spike said absently, gazing after Xander.

In the bathroom, Xander peeled off the t-shirt and was stopped dead by his image in the mirror. He’d never seen breasts from this perspective before. He ran his hands over them, amazed at the sensitivity. His own man nipples were fun enough, but the whole surface of smooth, hairless skin was just so touchable. He paused, wanting to stay in denial, but he could not keep from undoing his pants and letting them drop to the floor.

He stood in front of the full-length mirror and lifted aside his cock and balls. They felt strange, like they had been moved forward on his body. He couldn’t see much, so he brought a chair over and sat on it, spread-legged. This time, he gasped at what was revealed. A furred slit, with a little pink nub peeking out the top greeted him. A clit? I have a clit? Experimentally, Xander licked a finger and touched the nub. Electricity shot through him and he gasped. No wonder women wanted guys to find that spot.  

In the living room, Spike smirked and helped himself to the bar-b-que pizza. “What’s taking Xander so long?” Tara wondered, making Spike laugh and sputter. A red glow crept up Tara’s cheeks. “Oh. OH!”

A little while later, Xander came out with the peasant top hanging untucked. “Pizza’s cold, Xander. Want me to re-heat it?” Willow asked, wanting to make nice with her friend somehow.

“No. It’s fine.” Xander took a plate, heaped on two slices of pizza, a helping of kung pao chicken, grabbed a root beer, and flopped down in the armchair.

“You shouldn’t eat both of those together, Xander,” Willow warned.

“I can’t feel any worse than I do now! I said long ago I’m sick of being the butt monkey! This is the last straw! Why does all this shit always happen to me?” Xander snapped. “If you can’t fix this mess, I’m going to have to join a freak show! And what boxes will I check on the job applications under sex? C: All of the above?”

They ate in silence. When their plates were empty, Willow turned to Tara and took her hand. “We, uh, we’re going to go figure out your spell, now.”

“Good. You do that.” Xander grabbed up one of the movies and stuck it in the player, dismissing them.

A movie and a half later, interspersed with innuendo-ridden remarks from Spike and threats of violence from Xander, Willow crept in. Relieved, Xander shot to his feet.


“We can do it."

“So do it!”

“It has to be done in the light of a full moon.”  

“When’s that?”

“Two days.”

“I have to stay like this for two days!”

“I’m sorry…”

“Yes, you are!”

Xander stormed toward the door. “It’s late, Xander! Stay here!” Willow shouted.

“I’ll see him home,” Spike said, grabbed up his coat, and followed Xander.

Spike tailed Xander for three blocks before the boy/girl stopped under a lamppost. “Spike, you may as well join me.”

Spike stopped beside Xander and offered him his elbow in a gentlemanly manner. “Arrgh!” groaned Xander and stuck his hands in his pockets. That was a bad move, so he pulled them out and crossed his arms. Another bad move.

Spike watched the show, amused, and nothing more was said until they reached town. Xander paused outside the one all-night café. “Funny, I want ice cream.”

“Must be a hormone thing, Love.”

“Oh, hardy-harr-harr, Spike.”

They stopped in only to discover the freezer had gone on the fritz and the only flavor they had left was pistachio. It wasn’t Xander’s favorite, so he had them make a caramel sundae.

“You’re going to regret that in the morning, love.”

“Probably, but I already want to die, and stop calling me love!”

They walked home the rest of the way in silence. At Xander’s door he turned and glared at Spike. “Thank you for the walk home, I guess.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help… test the plumbing love?”

“Spike!” Xander shouted, attempting to drown the voice in his head that whispered yes. “Go away. Why are you so fascinated, anyway?”

“You really are the first one I’ve seen. The first real one, anyway. Well, there was one in a sideshow in Prague, but it wasn’t half so pretty as you. A cup, hairy tits, tiny little cock…”

“Why did I ask?” Xander unlocked the door and slammed it shut with a last glare at Spike.

As curious as Xander was about his plumbing, as Spike so unromantically called it, Xander found his tummy was too upset by his food choices to do anything about it. Tiredly, he crunched a handful of Tums and fell into bed.  

Part Two

Xander dreamed.

He was dressed in a flowing cotton gown like Tara fancied, only longer and more full. He was standing in an old-fashioned, empty, ballroom like in “The Shining” only older. The walls were lined with mirrors, only he couldn’t see himself in any of them. He dashed from wall to wall trying to find himself when suddenly strong arms caught him.

“It’s all right, love,” Spike murmured. Xander looked past the blue eyes to the walls only to see a myriad of reflected Spikes in the mirrors. He drew back from the vampire to take in his clothing. He was dressed like Jareth in “Labyrinth,” and his hair was long and wild. “You’re still you. Let me show you.” With this, Spike took Xander in his arms and whirled him into a dizzying dance, which ended with Xander falling backwards onto a large, round bed.  

Spike was now naked and Xander felt himself harden. The vampire stalked toward him like a panther. “Let me show you, love. I bet it all works.” With a touch, Xander’s dress peeled away and vanished. Dream Xander knew he should be terrified and trying to get away, but Rational Xander insisted it was a dream and hey, he really had had stranger ones.

This decided, Dream Xander (LaVelle) his mind corrected, re-christening his bi-sexed self. LaVelle really looked at the vampire moving toward him. In a world of ugliness, Spike was a vision of physical perfection. His long limbs moved gracefully, at ease with his nudity. His pale skin was unblemished and smooth, sliding over lean muscles. Normally blue eyes were now the black of the void with galaxies of stars twinkling in their depths.

“Lord Morpheus,” LaVelle whispered in recognition. “Why visit me like this?”  

"To give you what your waking mind refuses to take," the Lord of Dreams answered.

"Why would I want Spike?" he asked even as he reached out to welcome his lover.

"Why would you not, child? He is beautiful and can be gentle, even with the monster within him. Here, in this place, take and enjoy without repercussions."

As in the logic of dreams, LaVelle could find no reason to argue. He smiled and opened his arms to Spike. His eyes blue again, Spike grinned his wolfish grin and lay beside LaVelle. “Let me take inventory, love,” he whispered, his lips moving against the throat bared to him.

LaVelle could only gasp as Spike’s long-fingered hands, warm and soft, played over his newly acquired breasts. “So firm, so lovely,” he murmured, licking first one nipple then the other.

Spike drew back and looked at the naked person beneath him. “Let me look, please?” Slowly, LaVelle spread his legs, watching Spike’s face as it lit up with joy. “Oh, love. It’s all there. May I touch? May I taste?”

“No biting,” LaVelle warned. “Don’t be a bad dog!”

“I won’t,” he breathed. Spike lowered himself between LaVelle’s legs. “Such a fine, strong cock,” he praised, running a finger along its length and making it jump. “I want to make it hard so I can see what’s underneath.”

LaVelle sighed and thrust upwards into the vampire’s hands, granting permission. Soon, Spike’s lips were around his rapidly hardening cock as his hands danced around LaVelle’s quivering belly. He so wanted Spike to touch him other places. “Please,” he whispered.

With one last, long, slow draw outwards, Spike allowed the hard, glistening cock to pop out of his mouth. His blue eyes sparkled, then darkened to black for a blink before returning to blue. “Yessssssss,” he hissed in pleasure. “I so want to see your new treasures.” Spike drew back and gently lifted Xander’s heavy sac with one hand. “Oh, Love. It’s beautiful. May I…?"  

"Touch me, Lord Morpheus. Make me your handmaiden!"

Spike grinned and gently parted the hair at the top of the slit. LaVelle whimpered and thrust upwards. “There it is,” Spike said in quiet wonderment. LaVelle saw a flash of blue eyes before they closed in concentration and Spike lowered his head. At the first gentle lapping, LaVelle tensed. As the vampire continued, his body was wound tighter and tighter like a rubber band in a balsa airplane.

LaVelle now knew what a woman felt, how slippery and elusive a building orgasm was. “Fuck! Spike!” he gritted. With a mischievous flash of blue eyes, Spike wrapped his hand around LaVelle’s cock and pumped once, twice, still tonguing his clit. LaVelle’s body froze, teetering on a parapet when Spike let out a soft growl. That was the last nudge needed before his body shuddered, thrusting into those long fingers, pressing up against that skilled tongue. Long ropes of cum were wrung from his cock as his vagina leaked rivulets of fragrant juices.

Finally, he reached out a trembling hand to still the vampire’s attentions, to find only a rumpled quilt. Xander sat up, shaking and breathing hard. He felt his chest chill and looked down to find his breasts sticky with his own cum. "I guess I shouldn't have eaten what I did, but what the hell else was in that spell?" he wondered aloud.

Part Three

Still shaky, Xander fumbled his way to the bathroom and stared dumbly at the toilet. How the hell did his plumbing work when it came to peeing, anyway? Cursing the cold toilet, he sat down, only to jerk back after almost falling in. “No wonder they obsess about it being down,” he muttered as he lowered the lid. Learning that he was still plumbed as he should be, Xander relived himself, washed off a bit, and crept back to bed. He had just relaxed when the alarm went off, startling him.

With a curse, Xander slapped off the alarm clock and eyed the glowing numbers. He had to call in sick. There was no way around that. Using techniques perfected long ago in high school, Xander coughed and grunted until his voice was raspy, then he called in, laying it on thick, knowing he couldn’t go in the next day either, and collapsed back into bed.

A few deep breaths and he allowed his mind to wander, attempting to capture some of his earlier asleep state. He was almost there when a figure in tight pants and high collar stalked into his mind’s eye, bringing back the whole dream with him. “Spike!” he cried out, sitting up again. “Damn it! Why the hell did I dream of Spike? And Spike doing that to me?” Uncomfortably, Xander became aware of a dampness and tingling between his legs. Slowly, he looked down. He was erect. And he was wet.

He grabbed the phone and dialed the first number on the speed dial. A sleepy female voice greeted hum. “Muuumph?”

“Willow! Damn it! What the hell else was in that spell?” he shouted.

“What? Xander? Are you all right?”

“No! I am not all right. I’m a woman as well as a man and I’m having erotic dreams about s…someone who isn’t Seven of Nine!”

“It’s time you got a new dream mate, Xander.”

“Not Captain Archer!”

“Captain…” He could hear giggles from his friend.

“It’s not funny, Willow! What else did you do?”

“We, we mixed in a little celebrity-fantasy enhancement.”


“Everyone fantasizes when they... when aroused, so we added a little touch of fantasy enhancement. Whoever your mind suggests in a positive way will be amplified in a pleasurable way.”

“Damn it, Willow!”

More giggles. “I’m sorry. We got the wrong day. Dawn was away and we...”

“Never mind. Look, I’m not leaving this house until I’m me again. Right? So you’ve got to bring me groceries.”

“Sure, Xander. I’ll call you later.”

“Damn right you will.”

“Oh, Xander?”


“I’ll beam over after lunch!”

Xander slammed down the phone on Willow’s laughter.  

Xander rubbed his face with his hands as the dream came flooding back. Why the hell had he dreamed about Spike? Of all people he could dream about, why Spike? Actually, it was David Bowie and the Sandman, but still, they were played by Spike! He suddenly remembered one time at the Magic Box when all the girls were sitting around and giggling about men as if he and Giles weren't nearby. It started with celebrities and moved on to men they knew. Physically, they had all given Spike a nine and he, personally, got an eight,  but only when wearing Speedos. Giles bribed them with chocolate so they would refrain from judging him. Of course, that got him a ten.

That must have been it. His subconscious female side dredged up this long-ago conversation as a means to pick a man. Even Xander had to admit David Bowie had style. Spike had his own personal style, of course. If one liked confidence, strength and grace in a guy.

Xander looked down in disgust at his re-awakened erection. Knowing he would never get back to sleep now, he trudged to the bathroom and turned on the shower.  

An hour later and very hungry, Xander wobbled to the kitchen and ate the sandwich he was saving for lunch at work.  

He sure as hell wasn’t going to venture to the laundry room, and no other chores needed doing, so Xander changed his sheets, and flopped down on the couch to pass the day. He chose “Apocalypse Now,” “Metal Jacket,” and “Rocky 2,” wondering where the hell “Rocky 1” had gone. They were all good, violent movies with no thin, white haired guys in them.

At noon, the phone rang. Xander gave Willow a list of his needs, making a point to list the expensive brand names.

The girls came over meekly some time later, bearing groceries and apologetic faces. Xander was almost ready to forgive them and enjoy their company when Willow pulled a rented DVD out of a bag. “We got you something to watch, Xander.” He felt his face flush when he read “Enterprise, Disc 1” on the case and the girls broke out in giggles.

“Get out! I don’t want to see you until the full moon!”

Willow sobered. “Gosh, Xander…”

“No goshing your way out of this one. Go away. Perhaps I’ll forgive you when you turn me back and get S… someone other than Seven of Nine out of my head!”

Subdued, the girls left. With a sigh, Xander put away the groceries and fixed a snack. Actually, he was glad to have something new to watch. Something with no lean, white haired, strong, graceful… Xander shook himself.

A little after dark, Xander was startled by a knock at the door. Afraid it was his boss from work checking on him, he bundled up the robe around himself and coughed as he shuffled to the door. “Who is it?” he called hoarsely, ever the child of the Hellmouth.

“It’s me, Whelp. I thought you might like some beer.”

Damn! It was Spike. On the negative side, it was Spike. On the positive, hey! Beer!

“What do you want, Spike?”

“I thought you might be bored. And I brought bee-eer!” he sing-songed.  

With a sigh, Xander opened the door. “Come in, Spike.” Truth be told, he was bored and restless. Only a day in and he was already stir crazy.

Spike bustled in like he owned the place, set a brown paper bag on the counter, went straight to the microwave, and fixed himself some blood.

“Make yourself at home, Spike,” Xander said sarcastically as he helped himself to a beer. He swallowed hard and tried to not ogle the vampire’s lips. Just knowing what he could do with them distracted Xander.

“Thought I would, love.”

“Oh, don’t start with the ‘love’ bit again!”

“Why not, Pet? I see your… condition’s not changed.”

Xander pulled the robe even tighter around himself and stalked off to change clothes. He had just fished out his biggest, baggiest sweatshirt and dropped the robe when a wolf whistle sounded from the door. Xander’s back stiffened, and he clinched the sweatshirt. “Damn it, Spike. Get the hell out of my room,” Xander said while his mind was crying for Spike to take him.

“Temper, temper,” Spike crooned. “I’m just doing what any red-blooded male would do when he sees a pretty pair.

Xander pulled on the shirt, yanking it down to cover himself before turning around. “I mean it, Spike. I can so easily dust you.”

Spike pursed his lips and tilted his head, thoughtfully. “I wonder if you fight more like a girl, now.”

Xander flung himself at him, a fury of fists. Spike easily caught the boy’s wrists and held him until he tired out. “Let me go,” Xander said, still tensed.

“No. Not until I see you’re still you.”

This phrase, so like one from his dream, brought Xander’s eyes up to meet the sparkling blue. “What did you say?” he asked, going limp in the vampire’s grip.  

“I said, I want to make sure you’re okay.” He released the boy’s wrists and stepped back. “Magic can mess with a person. If you can still get mad at me, then you’re okay.” Spike turned and left the room. “I brought ‘Rocky’ if you want to watch that,” he said over his shoulder.

Xander stood, open mouthed, looking after the vampire, then pulled himself together, finding his baggy sweat pants and pulling them on.

Spike snorted a laugh as Xander shuffled in to reclaim his beer. “You look like a little kid wearing his daddy’s cast-offs.”

“They’re comfortable. Shut up and put MY tape in the VCR.”

“Oi! How do you know it’s yours?”

“The last time I saw it was when you came over with Buffy before we went out on patrol that time.” Xander was surprised to feel his throat close up at the thought of Buffy, now these three months gone.

Spike must have shared his feeling, and covered it. “I know, love. I took it. I wanted to see it again, and you wouldn’t loan it to me, see?” Spike sipped his beer but wouldn’t look at Xander.

“Did you ask?”

Spike shrugged and hit play on the remote. They watched in silence until Spike made a snarky comment about Rocky’s girlfriend. Thus the gibes began and the night passed quickly. The two easily slipped back into roommate mode from when Spike had shared Xander’s basement. Xander found he could forget his condition as long as he didn’t look at the vampire, and Spike had stopped calling him love.

Two in the morning came and went and Xander suddenly yawned. “Get out, Spike.”

“But this movie’s only half over.”

“Out, Spike. You’ve seen 'Willy Wonka' a million times.”

“But I like this part,” the vampire whined. “Can’t I let myself out after it’s over?”

Xander sighed, recognizing the pouting tone. “All right. But keep it turned down and lock the door behind you.”

“I will,” Spike promised and turned back to the movie, chuckling as Violet inflated.

Xander went to the bathroom and carefully peed standing up, still suspicious of everything else. As he headed to his bedroom, Spike called out softly, “Good night, love.”

With a growl, Xander closed and locked his bedroom door. He was too tired to fret too much and soon fell asleep.

Part Four

Xander Dreamed.

The wind off the ocean was crisp, and it whipped her long hair around her face. Far below at the base of the cliffs, the surf pounded eternally on the rocks. At the sound of hoof beats, LaVelle turned inland.

Her heart skipped as she beheld the highwayman riding up to her. He'd a French cocked-hat on his forehead, a bunch of lace at his chin, a coat of the claret velvet, and breeches of brown doe-skin; they fitted with never a wrinkle: his boots were up to the thigh! And he rode with a jeweled twinkle, his pistol butts a-twinkle, his rapier hilt a-twinkle, under the cloudless sky.

Spike reigned in his big, black stallion, dismounted, and with one smooth movement swept off his plumed hat and knelt at LaVelle’s feet. “My Love,” he breathed, taking her hand and reverently kissing it.

“My lord, you do me honor, yet I am unworthy of such attention.”

“Nonsense.” Highwayman Spike rose and took her hands in his. “You are the fairest rose that ever grew on these isles, my lady.”

“I am no lady, my lord,” LaVelle blushed.

“This I know,” he whispered huskily, drawing her close. “I know you are more, you are everything. And I want… Oh, if I can but be brave enough to ask.”

“Anything,” she breathed, looking up into his blue eyes.

“I would give the whole of my kingdom to but know you for one night.”

“But, my lord, the only cost to you would be the sweetness of your lips upon mine, and I will be with you till the moon waxes full again.”

Highwayman Spike laughed and swept her up, wheeling her around as day turned to night and a gazebo appeared on the cliff. He smiled into her eyes as he laid her on rich pillows of velvet and silk.  

As in the dream the night before, Spike touched and kissed. His pale body glowed in the moonlight. This time, when LaVelle was about to come, Spike drew the length of his body up hers until he lay atop her. “I want this, love. Tell me you do, too.”  

“Oh, yes!” breathed LaVelle.  

Spike carefully positioned his hard cock and thrust smoothly into her gripping cunt. LaVelle felt herself start to come.

Part Five

And Xander sat up in bed, gasping. Once again he was sticky and dripping. It seemed he should be stretched, yet a cautious probing found himself to be only wet. His next thought was of the locked door. Spike had picked the lock, damn him!

Xander climbed out of bed, only to almost collapse on wobbly legs. He angrily grabbed his robe and wrapped it around himself. The door was still locked. Slamming it open, he made his way to the living room to find the TV quietly playing some old black and white movie, the curtains brightening with the rising sun, and Spike asleep, sprawled on the couch.

Xander stared down at the sleeping vampire. A peaceful smile looked unfamiliar on his normally scowling features. When his hand moved, Xander automatically followed it. His long fingers cupped a wet spot on his jeans and tugged at the denim.

Xander shoved the vampire off the couch and onto the floor. Spike rolled and came up in game face, snarling. Seeing Xander startled and angry, he shook it off. “What did you go and do that for?”

“I told you to get out.”

“Another movie came on I wanted to watch, and then I fell asleep. Plus, I was having a good dream!”  

Xander suddenly felt cold. “About what, Spike? About what?”  

Spike looked puzzled at the boy until he pointed to Spike’s crotch. “Oh. Well. I was that fella in the poem by Alfred Noyes."

“The Highwayman?” Xander asked, unbelieving.  

“Yeah. Say, how do YOU know that one? Thought you only read comic books.”  

“I had to memorize part of it in high school.” Xander dropped down on the couch. “What else?”  

Spike sat on the far end of the couch, not looking at Xander. “There was this beautiful… girl there.”

“On a cliff over the sea.”

“Yeah.” Spike squinted at Xander. “How did you know?”

“I had the same dream, Spike. Must have been something more to that damn spell. Maybe the fact you came into the room just as it ended.” Xander scrubbed his hands over his face.

“It wasn’t a bad dream, love,” Spike ventured.

“Go away, Spike,” Xander sighed.

“Can’t. Sun’s up.”

Xander looked to the windows and cursed. “Fine. Hang out today. Just stay out of my way.”

“I’ll do my best, love.”

“Arrgh!” Xander stormed off to the bathroom. As the shower pelted him, he couldn’t keep the sensations he felt in his dream out of his head. He kept replaying how Spike’s lips felt on that nub of flesh, how sure his hand was on Xander’s cock, and above all, how well his hard cock fit into Xander’s cunt.

He moaned and reached to touch himself. One hand worked his familiar cock, the other instinctively sought other sensations. It wasn’t long before he spent himself and leaned, gasping in the corner.

When Xander came out, he found Spike flipping channels and drinking a mug of blood. “There’s nothing on. Want to play cards?”

“No, Spike. I don’t.” Xander pushed a Pop Tart into the toaster and stared blankly at his reflection in the side of it. He was still himself, but why was he still having these thoughts about Spike? The toaster spat out the pastries, Xander grabbed them with a napkin, and shuffled to the couch.

“Why so glum, love?”

“Again with the love!” Xander shouted. “Why the hell do you want to… be with me so damn much?”

Spike ran a hand over his hair. He turned off the TV and sighed. “I admit at first it was the novelty. I’ve read tales and heard stories of hermaphrodites, and the idea has always… excited me for some reason. I don’t like blokes, mind you, but there’s something about the idea of having both there to… play with. And when you’ve lived as long as I have, novelty is a rare thing." Spike hesitated. "Then I dreamed about you last night.”

Xander sat up straight. “You dreamed then, too? With the mirrors and the high collars?”

“Um, yeah. I think it was some lame fantasy movie scene. But I was also a god in this one. I quite liked that.”  

“’Labyrinth’ and you were the Lord of Dreams.”

“Yeah, that was it. And we had fun, there, too.” Spike looked into Xander’s eyes.  

He swallowed and looked away. “Weird sharing dreams, isn’t it?” Xander asked.  

“Yeah, but also… arousing.”

“Spike. Let it go.”


“It’s not right! It’s so wrong! You’re a vampire and a guy and I’m…”

“Half horny female who likes cheesy fantasy heroes?”

Xander faltered. “And it’s… ew.”

“Was it ew in your dreams, Xander?”

“No.” he said softly after a minute.

“Nor in mine. In every way but physical, it’s been done.” Spike’s voice shifted to a low purr. “I can still remember how you feel, how you smell, how you taste.” Xander felt his heart speed up. Spike shifted closer. “No one need ever know. I have nothing to gain by admitting I slept with a… freak.”


“And you have nothing to gain by admitting you slept with the evil undead.”

Xander went to the window and peeked through the blinds at the bright day. What Spike had said was true. Who would know if they didn’t tell? He already understood women better, not that he was a master of the topic, and having sex while like this would only make him a better lover. That could only be good. The memory of Spike as a lover and the words Dream Morpheus said came back to him. A chill went down his spine.

“Are you as good a lover as your dream self, Spike?” Xander asked without turning around. “Honestly?”

“I am, love. I’ve had decades of practice. I’ve driven women mad with my touch.” His voice was still that low purr.

Xander turned with a resolved sigh. “Okay. Just once. And this in no way makes me gay!”

“Of course not, love. You’re just getting in touch with your feminine side. Then tonight, the birds will fix you and this will all be over.”

Xander flinched. “Don’t say ‘fixed.’ Spike.”

“Restore you, then.” Moving with a fluid grace, Spike rose from the couch and pulled Xander to him. “Come with me, LaVelle. Let me show you all the ways in which I can please a woman!”

Xander melted into his arms. “Oh, my sweet Lord!”

The End

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