Disclaimer: It may come as a surprise but I'm not Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy and therefore I do not own Spike or any of his many shagging and verbal sparring partners. I weep for the injustice of it all and play with these characters in the fiction I write because this is pretty much all the fun I have.

Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1 And I recently edited before posting so any mistake is mine alone!

One Thing Better Than Ice Cream


Spike had been stuck in that ruddy old man's tub for over a week now. He'd barely been fed and had been continually and cruelly tortured by having to withstand the slayer's nattering and no telly whatsoever.

He was fucking well bored!

Stupid chip. Stupid revenge plot. Stupid Angelus for smashing that sodding ring!

Yeah, he'd heard about that one. Little witch and the super bint had been talking about how Captain Unshagworthy had done the romantic thing and worn it once but hadn't wanted it to fall into the wrong hands and had crushed it after seeing the sun set just the one time.

Spike wanted to tear Buffy's head off, then go after Angel and torture him personally, this time for being such a stupid twat.

What vampire in his right mind would destroy something that made him impervious to everything?

Well, no one ever said Angelus was the brains of The Scourge. That had been Darla and, on occasion, Spike.

Spike sighed and pulled ineffectually at the heavy chains binding him to his uncomfortable porcelain prison. The manacles were wide and solid and built for vampire use.

Watcher was a kinky git, it seemed.

With a growl of displeasure, he slammed his hands down and enjoyed the scraping chinks he caused.

It was a sad, sad thing indeed when all William the Bloody had for entertainment was making chains rattle against his embarrassing place of confinement.

The others were out; he'd heard them arguing over who should stay behind and guard him.

As if he could do anything!

Well -- he grinned slightly and shifted so that his ass wasn't being jabbed quite so hard by the chains that had fallen beneath him -- he could do some things, just nothing that harmed humans.

He just didn't...feel like it now, was all.

He listened to the boy in the other room as he channel surfed and wished to high hell that he'd find something decent, or at least stop on one station. It wasn't as if Giles had all that many channels to choose from -- git refused to get cable, for some reason.

Spike thought cable was one of the best inventions man had ever come up with. That and those flowering onion things.

Finally, the surfing stopped and Spike heard couch springs squeak as the boy got up to trek into the kitchen for something to stuff in that over-sized mouth of his.

Spike spent a brief moment thinking of what else he could stick in that mouth to keep it quiet, then shook himself and rolled his eyes.

He'd been in captivity way too long if he was thinking about letting Harris suck his dick.

He shifted and ground the metal chains into his sudden erection, which didn't quell it, but in fact made it worse.

Pain was pleasure, vice versa. Angelus had taught him well.

The fridge opened, utensils clattered, the cupboard slammed, causing Spike to wince, and there was rustling as the boy concocted something probably truly disgusting...or maybe just right for the person looking to eat themselves into a diabetic coma.

After a while, footsteps retraced their way back into the living room, the couch was reclaimed and then nothing.

Spike frowned when he didn't even hear smacking sounds that signified eating.

Odd. Boy wasn't normally good with manners when he stuffed his mouth full.

And then there was a moan. A loud one. One deep in the back of a throat that meant the person who made it was experiencing astounding levels of pleasure.

The fuck? Nobody made those noises when they ate! At least no one normal. Maybe Xander had gotten some chocolate syrup and was having himself a kinky, sticky wank?

No, Spike would've smelled that, even through the closed bathroom door.

But what else could explain the ecstasy Spike was hearing?

He listened harder, leaning forward unconsciously and straining his already enhanced senses.

He licked his lips.

More deep moans and gasps and groans of pure pleasure resonated through him, sent skitters of sympathetic pleasure to Spike's poorly neglected cock.

He cleared his throat and shifted again, hand going to his denim covered groin for a little relief. He rubbed himself for a few moments and then stopped so he could listen some more.

Xander swallowed loudly and there were wet noises and more swallows and even more of those damned erotic moans the boy couldn't seem to help but make.

Spike took a deep breath and looked down at his straining crotch, then at his manacled, fisted hands.

Yeah, that was it. He had to get out of there and see what the little git was up to.

He might be...choking or something. Wouldn't do for Spike to just sit back and let him die.


He reached into a tight jean pocket with a little maneuvering -- and a lot of accidental gropings of himself that made him hiss and want to forget all about leaving the room at the moment -- and withdrew a small lock-picking device he'd hidden for just this occasion. He tended to let himself out and roam about a bit while the Watcher was away or asleep.

Being cooped up wasn't a bed of bloodied roses. He'd have enjoyed those.

He laid the chains down gently so as to create as little noise as possible and crawled unsteadily from the tall claw-footed tub. He rotated his ankles and stretched mightily. It had been nearly twenty-four hours since he'd been on his feet. Even vampires got stiff.

Softly, he stalked down the hall and stopped just beyond the couch -- and damnitall, the couch was too tall to see over! He couldn't get a good view of what the boy was doing but he did smell chocolate.

Maybe he wasn't wrong about the chocolate masturbation thing after all?

He crept forward stealthily, closer, until Xander shocked him by moaning extra loud and throwing back his head with an expression of bliss on his face.

Christ on a bungee cord!

Spike swallowed and hobbled closer around the inconvenience of his arousal and then raised an eyebrow.

Boy wasn't pulling one off at all, he was eating a hot fudge sundae and looking to be enjoying the shit out of it!

It couldn't be that good, could it?

Aw, fuck it, he wasn't getting any older, or younger, and he was bored as hell. Might as well go a bit further.

He walked around the couch and sat down and Xander froze.

Dark eyes unfocused with pleasure rolled open and trained on Spike's face. Then they sharpened and widened.

"Spike!" he mumbled around his spoon and mouthful of ice cream and other things he'd put in to make his little treat. He put down the spoon and mostly empty bowl and took a deep breath. He was slightly flushed. "What are you doing out here? How the hell'd you get out here anyway?"

Spike leaned back and spread his legs, laying an arm on the back of the sofa. His bare skin barely grazed Xander's neck and caused him to shiver.

Spike nodded toward the bowl with a wicked grin. "Came to see what all the heavy panting was about. Thought you were out here having yourself a nice bit of personal slap and tickle but all you're doing is eating ice cream. Surprising, that. Actually had a moment there when I thought you had a little more depth. Should've known better, really."

Xander narrowed his eyes and moistened his lips, drawing attention to the smudge of syrup in the corner of his mouth.

Spike's eyes trained on that little blot on smooth, lightly tanned skin. All he wanted to do in that moment was lick it off.

He shifted and spread his legs a little wider. He needed the space.

Xander's eyes dropped to his lap and then widened comically, almost impossibly. "You're--you're--!"

"Yeah, I'm sporting wood -- and I know that's an ironic way of putting it. All those little sounds you were making sounded a bit too much like sex. Haven't got any in a while..."

Xander groaned and flushed so deeply that Spike could feel it radiating off his skin and savoured it. "Gross."

"It's not like I'm going to jump you, ponce. Not like I could." Spike rolled his eyes. "Just want to know what's so great about that lump of melting frozen treat you got there. Can't be that good."

"Yeah, it is."

"I really don't think so."

"Well, you're a neutered vampire that's being held captive in an ex-librarian-slash-Watcher's bathtub. I don't think you have any room to talk."

Spike scowled. "Prove it, then. What's so good about it? Looks like mud and pus. Though that red bit looks like blood which is always a plus."

Xander grimaced, then grabbed the bowl almost too quickly for Spike to follow, which was quite a feat. He scooped some up and held it out with an only slightly shaking hand. "Open up."

"What the hell are you doing?" Spike asked, leaning back out of range.

Xander moved the spoon even closer. "Taste it and see."

Spike sighed and then figured this would be the closest to sex he'd get for the foreseeable future, so...

He leaned forward, opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around the metallic head of the spoon.

His tastebuds were assaulted by whipped cream and strawberry sauce and caramel and hot fudge as well as the chocolate syrup and the three kinds of ice cream. There were also cherries and bananas.

Before he could stop himself, he moaned. Loudly.

Xander stared at him with wide eyes, then lowered his hand and returned the spoon to its bowl. He swallowed hard and Spike's eyelids snapped open when he smelled the beginnings of arousal in the air.

Arousal that wasn't his own.

He bit back a grin and just stared at the boy, who looked like he'd been caught using his dad's skin-mags as wanking material.

He arched an eyebrow. "What? Was good. You were pretty well right."

"What do you mean?"

Spike moistened his lips. "It was a fair bit of all right but there is one thing that's likely to be better."

"What could be better than that?" Xander asked, confused.

Spike leaned forward before Xander could figure out what he was doing and slid his tongue into the gaping mouth.

After a moment, Xander's mouth opened even further and his tongue pushed out to meet Spike's with a ferocity that almost scared the vampire.

And then, Xander moaned.

Spike didn't think he'd ever grow tired of hearing that.

Spike was near panting and Xander was panting when they pulled apart, briefly, a few moments later.

Xander's eyes were glassy and dilated, his lips swollen and cherry red and still tasting of that sundae but now also like Spike. One hand was clutching unconsciously at Spike's t-shirt. "Okay, maybe there's one thing better than that."

Spike smirked and yanked the boy back to his mouth, then pushed Xander down and climbed on top of him.

Here Endeth the Story

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