Disclaimer: It may come as a surprise but I'm not Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy and therefore I do not own Spike or any of his many shagging and verbal sparring partners. I weep for the injustice of it all and play with these characters in the fiction I write because this is pretty much all the fun I have.

It's chipped Spike being as bad as he can be. Which isn't really bad at all...he's really kind of naughty or annoying. That's the way I like Spike. Heh.

This might be rated 'L' for lame. Beta'd by [info]kitty_poker1

Big Bad


Harris eyed him warily as he brought over hot wings and beer and kept the beer coming.

He stared wide-eyed as Spike paid for everything without so much as an insult or a word.

Spike smirked inwardly, enjoying the sight of a confused boy.

His plan was unfurling just as he'd...planned.

When five or six beers were drunk in steady succession and two plates of wings and one of those flowering onion things had been eaten, shared between them, Harris begged off the beer and asked for soda.

Which Spike went and got without so much as a word, as was the theme of the evening.

Oddly enough, though, it took him a while to get the soda even though there wasn't a line at the bar.

Xander was just drunk enough not to really notice. He was too focused on finishing the flowering onion and watching two girls writhe against each other on the dance floor, hands touching naughty places.

Spike set a glass of coke on the table in front of him and a full, perspiring can beside it.

Xander started, then frowned, glassy eyes examining every feature of Spike's face then falling to the drinks in front of him. "Spike? Why're you bein' so nice and everything? You're paying, for God's sake!"

Spike hid a smug grin behind his cupped hands as he lit a cigarette. "Why are you questioning it? Why not just accept my meaningful, heartfelt generosity?"

Xander stared at him, then shrugged and took a drink of his soda. Free, carbonated, caffeinated goodness was good enough for him.

Spike continued buying and sliding drinks across the table to Xander, who readily accepted and decimated them.


Later, Xander had finished off three sodas easily and was practically vibrating out of his seat on the sugar high.

Spike licked his lips and sat back, lacing his fingers across his stomach.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

"Yeah, sure."

When Xander got up, Spike waited a few seconds and then followed him to the restroom.

A girly wail of despair and disbelief floated up over the pounding music and the murmur of the crowd.

Spike watched as Harris read the sign on the door, eyes crossing and glassy, having to repeatedly scan the words like drunks do. His lips were quirked with an over-pronounced pout. Spike grinned at the three couples back there, inclining his head when they laughed and glanced his way, then pointed at a very uncomfortable Xander.

He followed Xander as the boy wandered through the crowd and out the door. Xander never noticed he was there.


Xander went into the alley adjacent to The Bronze and was just unzipping his pants when out of nowhere came, "Hey, boy, what are you doing out here all by your lonesome? Want some big bad to eat you up?"

He should've probably been offended by the tone...or something, but he was just tipsy enough to be fairly pliant about, well, anything happening at the moment.

"Spike! What are you doing here?"

"Just making sure you don't get dead. Slayer'd have my guts for garters. Or something much more unpleasant. What say I walk you home, do my good deed for the year?"

Xander squinted at him through the darkness and through his drunken haze and hastily fumbled with his zip to close it. "Yeah, okay."


Spike stifled laughter that wanted to bubble up from his throat and float on the wind. He was bloody ecstatic over the night's turn of events and couldn't be happier.

Xander practically hummed and shook with the effort it took not to move faster.

Spike purposely moved much more slowly than he normally did. Lit a cigarette when Xander opened his mouth to say something, then watched him snap his jaws shut audibly when he couldn't get up the nerve to say whatever it was his inebriated little brain wanted to express.

Spike watched him from the corner of his eye, smoked merrily, sauntered slowly, his gait even and smug, and forced back his amusement because he'd have time to laugh all he wanted later.

Xander began to pant and fidget and take smaller, hurried steps.

Spike's grin widened. He tossed his cigarette away. He watched.

They came up on the block to Harris' house.


Harris nearly knocked Spike over trying to get to the door. Spike watched with a pleased smirk as Xander noted the door had been locked -- by Spike because he was such a helpful and thoughtful vampire -- and was digging around frantically in too tight jean pockets for his keys.

By the time Xander finally got the key in the door and the door unlocked, he was whimpering and dancing around on the stoop like a chicken on crack.

Spike watched the boy fly down the stairs and into the bathroom. The door slammed shut, there was fumbling of fabric and a zipper purring open, loud in the otherwise noiseless basement, and then a heartfelt sigh of relief as a bladder was evacuated.

Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He stared at the slightly cracked door with a small smirk tilting his lips up at the corners.

After he picked a hopelessly drunk bloke's pocket, he saw Harris in The Bronze, eyed him speculatively and a slow smile formed as he immediately came up with a plan.

It wasn't as if he had anything else to do but sit around and twiddle his thumbs up his ass; this was the only way to hurt any human being. He had to get his kicks somehow.

He ran back to Harris' basement and locked the door. He bought food and drink again and again. He was generous and nice to a fault because it would all pay off in the end -- not that he actually paid, the ponce he'd lifted the wallet from had unknowingly. And he was thoroughly entertained in the process despite losing his newly acquired funds.

Toward the end, he bought Xander one last soda and went off toward the back where the restrooms were located. He borrowed a flyer, turned it on its blank side and, with a pilfered permanent marker he kept on his person at all times for just this sort of occasion, he wrote 'Out of Order' in big block letters even an idiot, drunk or otherwise like Harris, could see.

He used some chewing gum he hastily chewed into a gummy temporary glue to stick it to the bathroom door and told the people that were loitering back there watching him curiously that he was playing a prank on a mate and not to tell him when the time came.

He waited and then when Xander went to the bathroom, he followed and watched his plan come into fruition.

Xander's face was priceless as he let out a girly screech. "No!"

He might not be able to harm humans but he could still do some evil and have a spot of fun.

Yeah, he was the Big Bad. And he was back and here to stay.

Here Endeth the Story

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