Secrets


by
Edibbea



5
Secrets and Discoveries


After their shower, Spike showed Xander how to clip the hair short and then use the depilatory wax strips on himself, having first rubbed in a herbal gel that deadened the stinging somewhat.  Xander kept giggling as Spike carefully depilated him, feeling absolutely ridiculous, but had to admit that the sensation of smoothness around his normally very hairy nether regions was extremely sensual.  His chest and underarm hair went as well, but Spike felt that was as far as it needed to go, for which Xander was extremely grateful.

"We've done the hard bit now, pet.  It's easy to keep yourself this way now you've done it once."  Xander didn't look convinced, but Spike just grinned and announced that it was lunchtime.

The rest of Friday afternoon was spent sprawled on the couch idly channel surfing, cuddling and chatting.  About six in the evening, Spike headed to the kitchen, brought out some lasagne and salad for Xander, and a mug of blood for himself.  He then poured them each a glass of red wine, and raised his glass, inviting Xander to do the same.  They clinked glasses, and Spike said, "To us."  Xander repeated his words, and they sipped the wine, Xander a little uncertainly, but enjoying it after a while as a warm glow suffused him.  He really wasn't a wine drinker, but the second glass was doing pleasant things to his body, making him feel relaxed.  Xander's attention was caught by something on the TV, and he didn't notice Spike leave the room.

Suddenly the TV was turned off.  Xander turned his head to see Spike standing just behind him.  "It's time," he said.  Xander got up from the couch, fighting down the cloud of butterflies that had apparently taken up residence in his stomach, and followed Spike to their bedroom.

"Strip."  Xander started taking his clothes off, wondering why he had a hand full of thumbs now when they worked perfectly well earlier on.  He finally managed to get all his clothes off, and jammed them into the clothes hamper.  Spike walked up to him, and ran his hand down his back, leaning in to kiss him lightly on the lips.  "It's OK to be nervous, pet.  Big step.  But there's nothing to be worried about.  I won't do anything you don't want.  Well, I can't do anything you don't want, but I wouldn't anyway, you do know that, don't you?"

Xander nodded.  "I know that, Spike.  I'm not worried about that, wiggy as that sounds, 'cos I should be, shouldn't I?  But I'm not.  Can we... can we run over the rules and, like stuff, 'cos I'm sort of blanking out here."  Spike smiled at him.

"Tonight's a sort of trial run, Xan.  I'll walk and talk you through everything, just so you feel comfortable in there."  Seeing Xander's face fall a little, he continued, "We will play tonight, but there'll be no punishment for failure to obey the rules, OK?"  Xander's turn to smile.

"Right then, let's get started.  OK, Xan.  You'll strip in here, and put on this robe.  When you enter the dungeon, you'll take it off immediately and hang it by the door."   Spike led the way, and they walked into the room.  Xander slipped off the robe and hung it on one of the brass hooks that hung in the tiny hall.  He then following Spike, through the dungeon, to the bathroom at the far end.  The lights came on automatically here, too.  Xander knew that Spike must have been in here earlier.  There was a number of leather... things on the bathroom cabinet, and a large bottle of lube.  Xander spent the next half an hour feeling extremely embarrassed as Spike gave him a practical demonstration on how to clean and lubricate himself in preparation for his lover.

"You'll do this as soon as you enter the room, Xan, don't forget.  And make sure you lubricate yourself well.  Once you're ready, you need to stroke yourself until you're hard, then put on this cock ring.  I'll show you how to do that now, but it's not difficult."  Spike stroked Xander until he was fully erect, and then slipped one leather band around his balls, and the other around the base of his cock, and demonstrated how to fit it tightly enough to prevent ejaculation.  He then removed it, and Xander replaced it himself, getting it right on his second try.  "That's good, pet.  Now loosen it off a little.  It's only for decoration at the moment.  You can't wear it tightly for too long without causing some damage.  I'll tighten it myself when the time comes."

Spike then indicated five sturdy leather bands, four quite wide, and one fairly narrow, that were lying on the bathroom cabinet.  "You'll put these on, too.  Two around your ankles, two around your wrists, and the thin one around your neck.  I'll do it tonight, but they shouldn't be any harder to put on yourself than a watch band."  The leather cuffs were padded, and were very sturdily fastened with three buckles each, and each cuff had a large 'D' ring set in it.  Xander felt his heart begin to race when he realised why.  The leather collar only had the one buckle, but it, too, had a 'D' ring set in it.  Spike stood back and looked at Xander.  "Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful," he said.  Xander smiled shyly, and then gasped in surprise when he caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror.  "Something special, eh, pet?" said Spike, noticing Xander gazing at himself.  Words totally failed Xander at this point, so Spike simply stood and watched him watching himself in the mirror.  Xander smiled, and turned to Spike.  "Ready?" asked Spike.  "Yeah, ready," answered Xander, taking a deep, calming breath.  "Let's go, then."

Spike led the way out of the bathroom, and into the dungeon.  He indicated the square marked out in the centre of the floor, and Xander knelt down, facing the dungeon's main entrance.  "You kneel up, pet, not resting on your heels.  Keep your knees apart, and cross your wrists behind you, like so," he said, as he positioned Xander.  "Lower your eyes, and wait in this position for me.  When I come back, we will begin.  You will kiss my boots at the beginning of our session here, and at the end.  That is the first and last act of our session.  I have to go and get ready.  I won't be long."  And with that, Spike left Xander kneeling in the centre of the room.

Spike stripped as he entered the bedroom, and roughly pumped at his erection.  It only took a minute or two before he came.  Helping Xander prepare for him, and then seeing him take up the submissive position in the middle of the dungeon, had pushed Spike to the edge of orgasm.  He quickly showered, and then rubbed baby oil over his chest and arms.  Spike then slipped into his black leather pants and boots, and put on heavy black leather and steel bracelets.   Have to look the part, he thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Xander was growing more and more nervous, kneeling in the middle of the dungeon.  Despite Spike's instructions, he had sneaked peeks around him, and his gaze settled on the whipping posts, clamps, leather whips and dildos displayed around the room.  His imagination was running riot, and he was desperately aroused, whilst at the same time feeling really, really apprehensive.  He wished Spike would just come in and get it over with - whatever it was.  Luckily, he was gazing down at the floor when he heard the door open.  He stiffened, and waited.  He heard Spike walking towards him, closer and closer.  Then...  "Look at me, pet."  Xander raised his eyes.  Guh!  Spike in tight leather, his carved chest and biceps glistening in the flickering electric candlelight that lit the room.  What was that phrase?  Oh, yeah - sex on a stick.  Xander's arousal ratcheted up another notch.

"Close your mouth, pet.  We're not ready for that yet," said Spike in amusement.  Xander snapped his mouth shut.  Spike walked around him slowly, as though he hadn't seen him just ten minutes before.

"I will check to make sure that you have obeyed my instructions when I first enter this room, Xander.  I know you have this evening, because I supervised you.  And next time you disobey me by taking your eyes off the floor once you are in position, you will be punished, understand?"

Xander nodded, not even questioning how Spike knew.  Spike stood directly in front of Xander, who leaned forward and placed a kiss on the toe of each boot.   "Good boy.  Now stand up, pet.  We're going on a little sight-seeing tour."  Spike had smelled the tang of fear as he entered the room, and figured that Xander had knelt there staring at the various items and working himself up.  As much as Xander wanted this, it was completely unknown territory to him.  So apprehension was to be expected.  Having a look at everything might take that edge away a little.  But only a little - Spike liked the slight edge of fear.  He just didn't want Xander going over the top and possibly triggering the chip. 

As they walked around the room, Spike explained what the various pieces of equipment were, and what they could be used for.  He felt Xander's nervousness begin to dissipate a little, and instructed Xander to say no to any piece of equipment or item that he definitely had no interest in.  The whips were a no, so was anything but the softest flogger.  Any sort of hood, blindfold and the ballgag - in fact, any type of gag were given a definite veto.  Everything else was viewed in verbal silence, although Xander's body was speaking volumes to Spike.  He picked up Xander's wave of fear at the thought of sensory deprivation, and felt he could live with that.  But even though Xander had said no to the whips, his body had screamed yes.  And when Spike had talked about the sling, Xander's hasty dismissal of one of its uses also sounded a false note.  But Spike put his thoughts away for later consideration.  Now it was time for his boy.

Spike walked Xander back to the centre of the room and stood in front of him, kissing him gently.  "OK, pet.  You ready for a trial run?"  Xander swallowed hard and nodded.  "You have to speak when I ask you a direct question, pet," he said.  Xander licked his lips, then said, "Yes, Spi... Master Spike."  Spike smiled.  "Good boy."  He walked over to a bank of switches set in a wooden plinth just off the centre of the room.  He pressed a button, and a trapeze lowered from the ceiling, stopping at waist height.  He walked back to Xander.

"Spread your arms out in front of you."  Spike attached the clips on either end of the bar to the rings set in Xander's cuffs.  He then walked back to the plinth and raised the bar until Xander's arms were hanging loosely above his head.  He then walked back to Xander.  "Spread your legs, pet," he said, and as Xander complied, he attached the leg cuffs to chains set in the floor.  Xander was now spread-eagled, and Spike raised the bar further, just high enough to give the muscles a little burn and stretch.  "Beautiful," he said softly.  He could smell the arousal pouring from Xander at simply being restrained.  Just try out one or two things, fuck his boy senseless; that would be enough for tonight, Spike thought.

Spike opened the cupboard that held the nipple clamps, picked up two of the wooden screw-clamps, and returned to his pet.  He began to suck and lick at Xander's nipples, making the man groan in pleasure.  As Xander's nipples hardened, Spike began to pinch and roll them.  He then pinched one between his thumb and forefinger, and put on the nipple clamp.  Xander groaned as Spike tightened it.  He groaned even louder as Spike repeated the operation on the other nipple.  Spike then flicked the clamps, causing Xander to bite down hard on his bottom lip.  Spike began to lightly stroke Xander's cock and balls as he toyed with the clamps, so that Xander was hissing with pain and groaning with pleasure simultaneously.  After a few minutes, Spike stopped.  Can't leave the clamps on for too long, especially the first time, he thought.  He unscrewed the left nipple clamp, and removed it.  Xander gasped at the pain as the circulation returned.  Spike licked and sucked at the nipple, and then removed the other clamp, licking and sucking that nipple too, as Xander moaned in pain.  "Sore, pet?" asked Spike.  Xander nodded, and swallowed hard.  Spike walked over to the bar and brought back a sipper bottle of water, giving Xander a drink of water.  "Better, pet?"  "Yeah, thanks," croaked Xander.   Spike nodded, and put down the water bottle.

Spike returned to the cupboard, and took out a soft, suede flogger.  It wouldn't hurt much at all, to begin with, but the burn gradually built up.  It was the ideal way to start.  He walked back to Xander, and trailed the soft suede tails slowly over his chest and his cock.  Xander moaned; Spike reached down and tightened his cock ring, then he walked around behind Xander.  Spike trailed the flogger lightly over Xander's back, and then swung it at his butt, fairly lightly, establishing a good rhythm.  After a couple of minutes of this, Xander had begun groaning again, and his butt cheeks were turning pink. 

Spike stopped to admire his handiwork, then he turned his attention to the shoulders, flogging Xander at a steady, easy pace.  The skin there began to redden, and Xander's breathing grew harsh as he panted through the burning sensation that was slowly building. 

Spike returned to flogging his backside, not stopping until the cheeks were quite red.  Xander was now gasping and moaning steadily.  Spike walked to the cupboard, and put the flogger back on the shelf.  He picked up the tube of lube he'd put next to the flogger and tucked it in his pocket.  Spike gazed at Xander; he was a vision - his eyes closed, his breathing ragged, his cock an angry purple and steadily dripping.  Spike couldn't remember ever seeing anything as beautiful in his life. 

He knelt in front of Xander, and delicately licked at the glistening cock, swirling his tongue around the head, and running his fingers over the smooth balls and further back, to tease his hole.  Xander was trembling now, broken pleas falling from his lips.  Spike stood, and then walked behind him.  He unzipped his pants, pushed them down slightly, and lubricated his cock.  He threw the tube to the floor, and pressed himself against Xander's back, wrapping his arms around his waist.  "You've been a very good boy, pet, and now I'm going to fuck you.  Because you've been so good, you get to come when I do.  But not before.  Understand?"  Xander nodded, and Spike could hear his heart stutter at the words.

Spike spread Xander's hot, red cheeks open with his hands, placed the head of his cock at the puckered entrance, and buried himself into the prepared hole in one, hard thrust.  Xander cried out, and Spike gripped his hips firmly, holding him still for a moment.  Holding firmly onto Xander's hips, Spike began thrusting in a punishing rhythm, angling himself to hit Xander's prostate as often as possible.  Xander was shuddering and gasping now and Spike felt himself getting close.  Just before his climax hit, he reached around with one hand and began fisting Xander's cock.  Spike slipped into game face; taking Xander like this was making him lose control, and as his orgasm hit, he sank his fangs into Xander's neck.  He slipped his hand around to loosen the cock ring, and immediately Xander howled, spasmed, and spurted his climax over Spike's hand. 

They stayed locked together for several minutes, but Spike only drank a little.  He just wanted Xander to feel his fangs in his throat.  Finally he withdrew them, and drew a sharp fang across his wrist, which he then pressed to Xander's mouth.  "Drink, pet," he ordered, and Xander sucked at the wound for a minute or two. 

Spike felt his cock hardening again inside his pet's body as the blood was sucked from his wrist.  He slowly pulled his arm away from Xander's mouth as he began to leisurely fuck his sweet pet again.  The sensation of the slow push and pull against his prostate soon had Xander erect.  Spike started to speed his thrusts, fucking him hard but refusing to touch his cock.  By the time Spike came for the second time, Xander was babbling and begging.

Spike pulled out of his pet, grabbed a wet washcloth from the pile of linen placed discreetly behind the plinth, and wiped himself carefully.  He then lowered the bar and released Xander, who slipped to his knees. 

Spike unchained Xander's hands, and then told him to cross his wrists behind him again.  Spike then clipped the cuffs together.  Xander's feet were still chained so that he was spread open, his knees wide apart. 

Spike stood in front of Xander and said, "Open your mouth.  I want you to suck me."  Xander faltered a little - Spike had just been fucking him up the...

Spike grabbed a handful of Xander's hair and pulled his head back roughly, to look into his eyes. "You're clean inside, pet.  And don't ever hesitate when I tell you to do something again.  Understand?" 

Xander swallowed hard, and said "Y... yes, Master Spike."  "Good, pet.  Now suck me.  Make me nice and hard, and maybe we'll do something about that,"  he said, gesturing towards Xander's hard cock. 

Xander opened his mouth and began to lave the cock in front of him, which had already begun to harden again.  He sucked hard on the head, swirled his tongue around, and bobbed his head up and down, until Spike was satisfied with the results.  He then reached down and unchained Xander's legs.  "Stay in position, pet.  We haven't finished yet," he ordered. 

Spike then walked around Xander and knelt between his spread legs.  He positioned the head of his cock at Xander's entrance, and said, "Take me in, pet."  Xander pushed down until the head popped in, and then let gravity assist as he sank down until he was sitting on Spike's lap, with the hard cock buried in him up to the hilt.  He leant back against the cool chest, and Spike could feel his heart racing. 

"Fuck yourself on me, Xander."  Xander began to raise and lower his body, impaling himself over and over.  Spike moved slightly, and suddenly Xander was seeing stars as the new angle allowed Spike's cock to hit his prostate on each stroke. Xander was growing frantic with need.  Spike wrapped an arm around Xander and began fisting his cock. 

"Spike, please, Master, I need to come now, please..." 

"Come for me, pet," whispered Spike, and Xander slammed down hard, pulsing and clenching around Spike's cock as he came. 

He was still shuddering and sparks were still flying through him as Spike pushed him forwards, onto his chest, grabbed his shoulders and pounded into him until he came, grunting and flooding Xander once again with his cool essence. 

Spike wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled them both back into a sitting position, Spike still buried inside his boy.  They sat there panting for a minute or two, and then Spike released Xander's wrists.  "Kneel up, pet," said Spike, and once he slipped out of the warm passage, he reached over and grabbed a couple of towels, roughly wiping them both off.

Xander was totally wiped out.  Spike picked him up and carried him back to their bedroom.  He took off the cuffs and collar, and tucked Xander into bed.  He was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.  Spike kissed him gently, smoothing his hair off his forehead, then headed back to clean up the dungeon.  Their first scene had gone better than Spike had expected, and this time he would clean up.


~*~*~*~*~


Once Spike had finished tidying up, and checked that Xander was still sleeping, he headed for the study and turned on the computer.  He knew that he cared about the boy, well, been obsessed by him was probably closer to the mark, but he'd never expected to fall so hard for him.  Seduce him, take him, make him his pet - all these things were in the plan. 

Falling in love with him hadn't crossed his mind.  But it bloody well should have.  All the signs were there.  Ah well, no use crying over spilt milk.  The boy was also in love with him, so that made things easier, in some ways.  And a lot harder in others... Spike sniggered to himself at the double entendre.  The Slayer and her minions were going to cause a lot of grief when they found out about this.  And Spike had no doubt that they would, one way or another.

He had one major advantage, however.  The Slayer saw him as a defanged demon, essentially harmless and useless.  The term 'Master Vampire" meant little more to her than a vamp who'd been around a long time.  Rupert should have known better, but he tended to take Spike on face value, and Spike had been very careful to present the face he wanted them to see.  A Master in the House of Aurelius was a very powerful thing to be.  He already had a network of demons and vampires working on the chip problem, even if it was purely out of self interest on the part of some of them.  An electro-magnetic pulse seemed to be the best option they had come up with so far, and he was going on-line to see what the latest information was.  And then he was going back to bed.  To Xander.

Xander.  Spike really didn't want to think too hard about what had happened in the dungeon, when Xander had indicated what he did and didn't want.  But his demon knew what the problem was, and it was screaming with rage.  He could bite and feed from Xan, but only at the point of climax.  And Spike had a feeling that he was already skirting the limits of the amount of pain he could inflict on Xander as far as the chip was concerned.  Xander's willingness would only take them so far.  His boy wanted to explore his limits, that much was obvious from his unconscious reactions.  But he had denied that, knowing that Spike couldn't do it.  Spike was pacing the office by this time, and slammed his fist into the wall, smashing a hole in the panelling.  Damn this fucking chip!  He hadn't been in too much of a hurry about getting it out, prepared to wait and see what his minions came up with.  But he'd waited long enough.  He sat back down at the computer and began to type.


~*~*~*~*~


Several very productive hours later, Spike quietly entered the bedroom, stripped, and climbed in bed next to his boy.  Xander stirred, and snuggled closer to the cool body next to him.

"Hey, Spike," he said, sleepily, and laid a gentle kiss on the vampire's lips.

"Back on solid ground again, pet?" asked Spike.

"Yeah.  Wow, Spike.  That was just..."  Xander shook his head, as he couldn't find the words he wanted.  Mindblowing was a good word.  "It was mindblowing, Spike.  When you chained me up, and I couldn't move... You could do anything you wanted to me, and I knew I should have been freaking but... I felt safe.  And I felt free."  There was a note of wonder in Xander's voice.

"That's what it's all about, pet," said Spike, softly.

"I can't describe it, Spike, but when you... y'know, with the clamps and the whip thing and then, when you... I sorta... I started to zone out.  And it was really, really good."

"And it gets better, Xan.  You'll be flying before long."  Spike noticed Xander trying to hide a yawn.  "C'mon, pet, let's get some sleep.  It's been a busy day."  He cradled Xander in his arms, revelling in the warmth as they both drifted off to sleep.


~*~*~*~*~


Spike woke to the very pleasant feeling of something warm and wet wrapped around his cock.  He looked down to see Xander's head bobbing up and down at his crotch.  Xander looked up, and let the cock slip out of his mouth with a soft 'pop'.  He crawled up Spike's body, and kissed him.  "Good morning, sleepy vampire."

"Good morning to you, horny human."

"Not the only one horny here, Spike."

"Well not now, no."

"Think I should do something about that, 'cos I caused it in the first place?"

"Hmmm, yeah, I definitely think you should," said Spike, and he wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled him in for a kiss.  The kiss deepened, and they began thrusting against each other.  But Xander had other ideas.  He pulled away from Spike, and began to kiss his way back down to his cock.  He began sucking it again, making it as wet with saliva as he could.  He then straddled Spike, and placed the head at his entrance.

Xander began bearing down, and the head of Spike's cock popped through the ring of muscle.  Xander held still for a moment, and then gradually slid down until Spike was completely buried inside him.  He then began to raise and lower his body, gradually getting faster and faster.  Spike tried to stay still, but found himself thrusting upwards helplessly.

"Good, Spike?" Xander gasped.

"God yeah, ride me, pet.  Oh, fuck, yeah!" Spike exclaimed as Xander began to slam himself down on Spike's cock.  "Pull yourself, pet.  I wanna see you come," gasped Spike, feeling his climax thundering down on him.  He grabbed Xander's hips and slammed into him erratically before pouring his orgasm into the tight, warm passage.  As he lay there shuddering, he felt Xander's muscles spasm around him tightly as warm semen spurted over his belly and chest.  Xander collapsed forward onto Spike, gasping and panting.  They lay quietly in each other's arms for a few minutes, until Xander was sufficiently recovered to suggest a nice, hot shower.

"Good idea, pet.  Then breakfast, I think.  I have a feeling we're going to need the energy today," said Spike, grinning.





6
Secrets and Deceptions

After breakfast Spike took himself off to the study, telling Xander that he had to work for a couple of hours.  Xander couldn't help the feeling of disappointment that rose within him when Spike told him firmly that he needed some privacy. Having spent little time on his own since moving in, he found himself feeling a little lost.  There was housework to do, of course, so he decided he might as well get on with it.  He started a load of laundry, changed the bed and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom.  With only the two of them in the apartment, however, it didn't take long to do the chores, and Spike was still firmly ensconced behind the closed door of the study when Xander had finished.

Xander sighed, and decided to amuse himself by looking through the CD and DVD collections in the living room.  He really hadn't had time for more than a cursory glance before.  He was pleased to discover a really good mix of comedies, action movies and pornography, something for every occasion, he thought to himself.  The cover of one of the porno DVD's caught his eye - a blond was leaning against a wall while a dark-haired guy was blowing him.  Mental images of sucking Spike off caught Xander by surprise, and before he really thought about what he was doing, the DVD was playing and he was slouched on the couch, remote in hand, watching it.

It was obviously an expensive movie.  There wasn't any of the cheesy dialogue and lousy photography that usually characterised these things.  This one looked like it had been professionally made.  The music and lighting were good, and the guys starring in the movie were gorgeous.  Xander found himself mesmerised as he watched the dark haired man licking and sucking the blond, remembering how Spike's cock felt in his mouth, down his throat as he swallowed around it.  He felt himself growing hard, and he wanted his lover, now.  But Spike had made it clear he needed to be undisturbed; that he was doing something important for both of them, though Xander had no idea what that could be.

Xander's train of thought was totally derailed as the images on the screen drew his attention again.  The brunet was still kneeling in front of the blond, but he now had his hands tied behind his back.  The blond's cock was almost as big as Spike's, and Xander watched avidly as the blond held the dark head firmly and slowly pushed his cock in, deeper and deeper, until the brunet's face was pressed hard against the blond curls at his crotch.  He slowly withdrew, and the brunet gasped for breath before the cock was pushed back down his throat again.  After a couple of minutes of this, the brunet was struggling and gasping for air, the cock that was cutting off his breathing being held down his throat for longer and longer.  By now, Xander had his cock out and was stroking it firmly, his eyes never leaving the screen.  An image of himself, bound and on his knees, with Spike's cock thrust down his throat, struggling vainly for air rose unbidden before his eyes and he came, gasping and shuddering, pumping himself.  Xander slumped bonelessly, panting hard.  After a minute or two he grabbed some tissues to clean himself up.  I am one sick puppy, he thought, thinking about how much the idea of Spike doing that to him had excited him.  In fact it was still exciting him, and so he thought, what the hell, I'm gonna get Spike.

He got up and went to the study.  Something made him knock rather than just walk straight in, and he opened the door when he heard Spike call out, "Yeah, come on in, Xan."  Spike hit a button on the computer and then swivelled around in his chair to face Xander.  Spike sniffed the air delicately, and a lascivious smile crept across his face.  "So, what have you been up to, pet?" he said.  Xander walked slowly towards Spike, saying, "I did some housework, y'know, and when I'd finished, I thought I'd watch a movie."  When he reached Spike, he dropped to his knees and Spike spread his legs.  Xander placed his hands on Spike's thighs and leaned forward, using his teeth to pull open the button on Spike's jeans and then to pull down the zipper, very slowly, making sure he licked the now turgid flesh that was oh so gradually being released.  Gotta love those vamp reflexes.  "Fuck, Xan," gasped Spike, "good movie, was it?"

"Uh huh," breathed Xander, as he finally eased the zip all the way down.  Spike raised himself up off the chair slightly as Xander pulled his jeans down further.  "I was watching this movie," said Xander in between long licks up the length of Spike's cock, "where this guy was blowing his lover," more long licks, "and it reminded me of us.  Especially when he did this..." and then he deep throated Spike, who groaned loudly and thrust upwards helplessly into the hot wetness.  Xander swallowed around the hard length, then slowly pulled his mouth away.  "Then what happened, Xan?" asked Spike, hoarsely.  Xander nudged Spike, making him stand up.  "Lean against the desk, Spike, you need to be standing up for the next part," he said. 

Once Spike was standing, Xander took Spike's hands and placed them on his head.  Spike ran his fingers through Xander's soft brown waves and looked down at him questioningly.   "Then," he said huskily, "his lover began to fuck his face, really slowly, going as deep as he could."  Xander took hold of Spike's cock and opened his mouth, placing the tip between his lips.  He then wrapped his arms around Spike's ass and slowly sank down, taking as much of his lover down his throat as he could.  Spike's hands tightened in his hair, and he growled deep in his throat.  He tightened his grip on Xander's head and pulled almost all the way out, leaving just the tip of his cock between Xander's lips.  He tilted Xander's head back, and pushed down on his head.  Xander spread his legs wider, lowering himself a little.  Spike wanted the angle to be just right.  Holding Xander's head still, he slowly thrust back in, further and further.  He saw Xander fight his gag reflex and held still for a moment.  Then he said, "Take a deep breath, love," and pushed in further, pulling Xander's head towards him until his face was buried in Spike's groin, and Spike's cock was deep in Xander's throat.  Xander swallowed reflexively, and Spike groaned.  He then began to slowly pull out again.  Xander gasped for breath.  Spike looked at him seriously.  "I know what you've been watching.  It's not just about taking me in deep, Xan.  It's about trust.  I'm big, I know that, and when I thrust right into you, you can't breathe.  I'm stronger than you, so you have to trust that I'll pull out again.  Is this what you really want to do?  You can just blow me - no bones broken."  Spike didn't really need to hear Xander's answer.  The flood of pheromones and the wildly dilated pupils gave him all the clues he needed.  Pushing at limits, indeed.  Spike opened one of the desk drawers and pulled out a roll of duct tape.  "Put your hands behind your back, pet," he said, and as Xander complied, taped his wrists together.  "This is how it went, yeah?" he said, and indeed, Xander's heart rate was shooting through the roof as he nodded.

Spike knelt down in front of Xander, reached across and tore his t-shirt open, pushing it back over his shoulders so his neck and chest were bare.  He then reached down and unzipped his jeans, pushing them down his thighs.  He pumped Xander's erection a few times while he licked and bit at Xander's nipples.  Spike then stood, and surveyed the sight of the debauched human kneeling at his feet.  "Fuck, pet, you look so..." He shook his head.  Words were so inadequate at times.  Spike grasped Xander's head and began to push his cock back into Xander's mouth, and Xander took a quick gulp of air before the thick cock slid down his throat again, strong hands holding his face pressed into Spike's curly pubic hair.  Then Spike began pulling out again.  Each time Spike pushed down Xander's throat, he stayed there a little longer, and Xander found himself beginning to struggle for air as Spike gave him less and less time to catch his breath in between thrusts.  Xander felt his cock throbbing, and desperately wished he could touch himself.  Spike pulled out again, but this time he plunged straight back in, not giving Xander any time to catch his breath.  Spike held him firmly as Xander began to struggle, tugging helplessly on his bound wrists, desperate for air, feeling his lungs screaming for oxygen.  Just as Xander was convinced he was going to black out, he was blindsided by a mindnumbing orgasm.  As he began to convulse, Spike let go of Xander's head, clutching his own, and fell back against the desk as Xander slumped to the floor, his body wracked with spasms as his orgasm swept over him.  Spike then dropped to his knees next to him, still clutching his head.  Neither moved, both panting hard.  Spike recovered first, and said, "Xan, you OK?"  He reached around and tore the duct tape from Xander's wrists, rubbing them, trying to soothe the reddened skin.

"Hmm, what... um, wow, yeah."  Xander felt totally shattered with the intensity of the experience.  Picking up an odd note to Spike's voice, he tried to reassure him.  "Shit, Spike, that was totally awesome!" Xander panted.  "I had no idea it was like that.  Much more intense than I expected."

Spike zipped himself back up and helped Xander into the bedroom, placing him gently on the bed.  He stripped off Xander's clothes and got a wet washcloth from the bathroom to clean up his lover.

"Why don't you have a bit of a nap, love?  I'll finish up what I'm doing and join you, OK?"  But Xander was already asleep.  Spike wrapped the comforter around him and went to make the final arrangements.  The bastard, fucking chip had fired just before Xander had come.  Soon, though, it would not be a problem.


~*~*~*~*~


Xander woke up absolutely starving.  He glanced at the clock.  It was almost 4pm.  Wow, I've slept for hours, he thought, no wonder I'm hungry - I missed lunch.  He threw the comforter off, discovering that he was naked.  As he remembered why, a wave of lust shot through him.  He'd never experienced anything like that before.  Spike holding him down, forcing his cock deep down his throat, struggling to breathe... a shudder of pleasure ran through him.  Fuck, I am so warped, he thought to himself with a grin.  Then he sobered; he remembered something else - remembered Spike clutching his head, falling backwards.  Shit, the chip.  The chip must have gone off.  God, I shouldn't have asked him to do that. He leapt up, grabbed a pair of sweats and slipped them on, and headed off to find Spike, make sure he was OK.

The study door was open, and Xander walked in expecting to find Spike sitting at the desk, but the room was empty.  The roll of duct tape was still lying on the floor where Spike had tossed it, so Xander picked it up and put it back in the drawer.  As he shoved the stiff drawer shut, the computer monitor flared back to life.  The vibration through the desk had nudged the mouse, and woken the computer from its hibernation.  Xander glanced at the screen, and then looked more closely.  An email was open.  Xander's mouth fell open as he read it.  Fuuuck...  the mail was confirming an appointment, next Saturday night, where the sender confidently expected Spike's 'little problem' to be taken care of, permanently, with the aid of a demon who could manipulate electrical energy.  Xander backed slowly away from the computer and headed, in a daze, for the bedroom.

Xander picked up the bottle of whiskey from the bar with a shaking hand and headed into the bathroom, locking the door.  Desperately trying to stem the rising tide of panic.  He felt as though there was a tornado in his head - his thoughts were whirling around and he wasn't able to pin any of them down to examine them.  Xander closed the lid on the toilet and sat down.  He opened the whiskey and took a long swallow, coughing as it burnt his throat; he hoped it would steady his nerves.  Of course Spike was going to get the chip out.  It was only a matter of time before he did, Xander knew that; had known that when he moved in.  Just didn't think about it, that's all.  Another swallow of whiskey.  He should leave.  He should just get up and leave, now.  Go and tell Buffy, and then she'd... Xander gasped; he felt like he'd been hit in the stomach.  The thought of leaving, and losing Spike to the Slayer, was too much.  OK, cross that off the list of things I can do.  Three more long swallows, and the pain eased a little.  His thoughts were still chasing around in his head, but the whirling sensation had slowed down a bit, although it had grown a little fuzzy around the edges.  OK, Xan, think.  This is what Spike has been working on, obviously.  He said it was something for both of us.  What, he's going to kill all my friends as a 'thank you for letting me fuck you' present?  He giggled at the thought, and took another long drink of whiskey.  No, he wouldn't do that, he loves me.  And he knows I love my friends.  Another drink.  Ha, yeah - hello, vampire?  Not known for warm and fuzzy feelings.  Slaughtering your lover's nearest and dearest is probably the most romantic thing you can do if you're a vampire.  Another drink.  Whoops, the toilet seems to be tilting a little...  Xander started giggling again.  He'll probably want to turn me.  Don't want to be a vampire.  I'm gonna have to leave.  Can't leave.  Love my Spike.   If I leave I'll have to tell Buffy, and then she'll...not gonna leave.  Another drink.  Wish that banging would stop, giving me a headache, and I'm trying to THINK in here...  Another drink - hey, this bottle is nearly empty, must have spilled some somewhere...  Lots of feet - why are there lots of feet on the floor?

"Xan, pet, what's going on?"  Xander looked up to see Spike standing in front of him.

"Spike." said Xander as he straightened up to look up at Spike and began to fall backwards.  Strong arms caught him, picked him up and carried him out to the bedroom.  Spike lay Xander on the bed and sat next to him.  "What's going on, pet?" he asked gently.

Xander squinted owlishly at Spike.  "Don't wanna be a vampire, Spike."

"Um, OK, Xan.  You don't have to be a vampire if you don't want to," said a clearly puzzled Spike.

"Oh, OK then - 's good.  Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

"I hate you, Spike."

"Why's that, pet?" asked Spike, getting more perplexed by the second.

"Cos I love you, that's why.  I love you sooo, sooo much," said Xander in a sing-song voice.

"OK...?" said Spike, hoping this was heading somewhere that would give him a clue as to what was going on in Xander's head.

"I love you too much, Spike, 'n I can't live without you.  But if you try and eat everybody Buffy will come and get you, with a biiig stake...  But I won't let her get you, Spike," said Xander, patting Spike's arm and nodding his head slowly, "cos I'd have to do it, 'm the only one who should...'n then I'll die too, won't I, cos I need you too much..." Tears began rolling down Xander's cheeks as he finally passed out, three-quarters of a bottle of whiskey generally having that effect, eventually.

Light finally dawned on Spike.  Oh, fuck.  How the hell did he find out about...  Spike covered Xander with the quilt and went to the study.  The computer appeared to be off, but when he moved the mouse, the monitor once again sprang to life, with the incriminating email there for all to see.  The drawer he'd left open was now closed.  Fuck!  All right, first things first.  Need to sober Xander up and talk to him about this.  Judging by the boy's drunken ramblings, he had convinced himself that Spike was about to unleash the Big Bad on Sunnyhell again.  And while the idea was not without its charms, it was not the primary reason for getting the chip neutralised.  Spike went to the fridge and removed three bags of blood.  He heated them and then drank them down quickly.  The quickest way to sober him up is to drain some of his blood, and then feed him some of mine, thought Spike.  Also wouldn't hurt to strengthen the bond a fair bit either.  Probably going to need it.   He knew the boy loved him, needed him, but they'd only been together a short time.  The last thing Spike wanted was Xander walking out, and if he had to use the bond to make sure he didn't, then he would.  He walked back into the bedroom, stripped himself and Xander and then lay down next to him.


~*~*~*~*~


Xander was floating just beneath full consciousness.  His cock was aching, and he began to thrust against the cool body lying on top of him.  It was So. Fucking. Hot when Spike fed from him, and fed him his blood.  Something tugged at his mind, but immediately soothing thoughts filled his head; love, concern, warmth...  His orgasm washed over him, and he drifted off to sleep again.  Spike gently withdrew his fangs from Xander's neck, and slowly pulled his still-bleeding wrist away, as Xander's suckling slowed, and then stopped.

Xander drifted to consciousness again.  He felt peaceful and content.  The cool body of his lover was pressed against his back, one of Spike's legs between his.  Pressure at his entrance, then a slick hand stroking his cock as the cool length slid easily inside him.  Spike's other wrist was pressed against Xander's mouth, and he suckled greedily, the blood filling him with warmth.  Long, hard thrusts, and soon Xander was thrusting back, impaling himself, then forward into the hand.  The blood filling his mouth sang of love and dark desires, and as Spike sank his fangs into his neck, Xander howled out his orgasm.  Again, feelings of love and concern surrounded him, and he drifted once more to sleep.


~*~*~*~*~


The next time Xander awoke, it was to the smell of bacon and eggs.  His stomach rumbled.  Spike was sitting on the bed next to him, a tray of food in his hands.  He put the tray down on the bedside table and stroked Xander's hair off his forehead.

"Hey there, sleepyhead.  How are you feeling?"  Xander did a mental survey of his body, and found he felt great.  Something was nagging at him, but he dismissed it and sat up, feeling absolutely starving.

"I feel great.  And I'm starving - that for me?"  Spike nodded, then watched Xander closely as he sat up and reached for the tray.  He seemed to inhale the food it was eaten so quickly, and he enthusiastically accepted the offer of more orange juice.

"Wow, that's better.  Thanks, Spike.  Shower next, I think," said Xander, feeling sticky and sweaty.  He threw back the covers and headed to the bathroom, stopping abruptly when the saw the smashed door lock.  "Spike?"  And suddenly a feeling of sick dread assailed Xander.  He faltered, blood draining to his feet.  Spike was up in a flash, catching him before he hit the floor and carrying him back to the bed.  Xander lay on the bed feeling sick.  The jumble of images in his head was slowly resolving itself into an approximation of what had happened... today? Yesterday?  "Spike, what day is it?"

"Sunday morning, Xan," said Spike.  Yesterday, then.  "Spike, we need..."  "...to talk, yeah, I know, pet.  Sobering you up and fixing up the damage you'd done to your body with that much whiskey came first, though.  You go have your shower.  I'll be in the living room.  Waiting."


~*~*~*~*~


Xander took his time in the shower, trying to order his thoughts.  He had a sketchy idea of what had happened yesterday, but his recollections seemed jumbled.  He did, however, have a very clear grasp of one thing - Spike had arranged to deactivate the chip, somehow.  He knew he should be feeling panic-stricken by this, but every time his thoughts turned to his lover, a feeling of calm, contentment and love washed through him, drowning out the panicky voice screaming at him at the back of his mind.  Xander sighed and turned off the water.  Can't put this off, he thought.

Ten minutes later, shaved and dressed, he walked into the living room.  Spike was sitting on the couch, listening to music that Xander hadn't heard before.  Classical music, he guessed, judging by the violins and stuff.  Not what he'd normally listen to.  This was soothing, though, in the way the music he normally listened to couldn't match.

Spike patted the seat next to him on the couch.  "Sit down, pet."  When Xander was seated, Spike turned to look at him.  "How much do you remember of what happened yesterday?"

Xander thought for a moment.  "I remember you putting me to bed.  When I woke up, I came to look for you - make sure you were OK.  The chip went off, didn't it?"  Spike nodded.  "Just a warning spark, nothing to be concerned about.  What happened then?"

"I went into the study.  Looking for you, but you weren't there.  The duct tape was still on the floor, so I put it away.  Banging the drawer shut jogged the computer and it turned on again, and I saw... on the screen, there was an email..." Xander closed his eyes, feeling the panic rising again.

"I've found a way to get the chip neutralised, permanently," said Spike, slowly and deliberately.  He saw Xander flinch at his words and sighed.  "I was going to tell you, but you seem to have pre-empted that."  Xander sat, head bowed, fists clenched, listening.

"Xander, look at me."  As Xander opened his eyes, Spike caught his gaze and held it. "The chip is the only thing that stops me draining you, hurting you, turning you.  It's the only thing that stops me killing the Slayer and your friends, and feeding indiscriminately on the general populace.  Is that what you think?"  Spike's voice was soft and serious.  "Do you seriously believe I have so little self-control?" 

"I don't know... I just... Is the chip the only thing that stops you, Spike?  If the chip was gone, would you turn me?  Would you kill Buffy and Willow and Giles?"  Xander could hear the note of desperation in his own voice.

"What do you think, Xan?"

"I don't fucking know!  That's why I'm asking, Spike.  Damnit..." Xander took a deep breath.  Let it out slowly.  What did he think, really?  What was his gut reaction?  He caught his lover's eyes again, stared into them.  "Maybe you would have done before, but I don't think you would now."

"Oh?  And why is that?" asked Spike.

"Because you weren't in love with me before."

Spike quirked a smile at Xander, and said, "And what makes you think I'm in love with you, pet?" 

"When you feed me your blood, Spike.  Your blood tells me."  Xander didn't know any other way to describe the sensations that flowed over him as he suckled at Spike's wrist or tongue.  The blood whispered to him, and Spike's thoughts and emotions were there, in his head.  "In fact, if I think about it, think about you, all I can feel is your love, and caring, and desire." 

Spike smiled and nodded.  "Good.  If you look inside yourself, you'll know how I feel about you.  And you'll know that I'm telling you the truth when I say I'm not gonna drain your friends.  Sharing blood is sharing ourselves.  It's all part of strengthening our bond.  And you can feel the bond, can't you?  Feel how strong it is?"  Spike was speaking softly, carefully, as though trying to calm a particularly flighty horse.  No mention was made of the fact that Spike had fed Xander a great deal of blood in the past twelve hours.

Xander whispered,  "You know I can.  It's like I can feel you, inside, like you're a part of me." 

Spike studied Xander for a moment, then nodded, slowly and deliberately.  "I am, in a way.  We're mated.  You are my Consort.  Married, I suppose, is the human equivalent, but it's a whole lot more than that.  We've shared blood every day we've been together.  And that will continue; in fact, you will need it to continue, pet.  We're bound together, Xander.  This is permanent - the only way one of us leaves is through death."

Xander sat staring at Spike as the realisation of what he was saying sank in.  "I need you now, don't I; I mean, really need you, like in 'can't ever leave you'?" said Xander, feeling himself shaking as he said the words.  He needed Spike, needed his blood, to survive.  It was a primal thing... just the thought of getting up and walking out the door and never coming back filled Xander with such dread that he felt sick.  "So can I assume that you won't drain me when the chip comes out, then?" Xander said, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt.

"That wouldn't be the first thing on the agenda, no," said Spike, looking at Xander with an odd expression on his face. "There are lots of things I want to do to you, but killing you isn't among them.  At least, not permanently.  Anyway, I like you hot, and breathing."  Spike's voice was low and seductive, and his gaze skewered Xander so he couldn't look away.  Xander shivered at Spike's words, and wished that the panicky, screaming voice in his head would just shut the fuck up.  Spike was just coming on to him, in a vampy way, that's all.  And anyway, this was home.  This was where he belonged, here with Spike.  There would never be any running, could never be any running now, according to Spike.  He didn't want to be turned, at least he didn't think so... He couldn't think. Why couldn't he fucking think?  Spike seemed to surround him, and his mind was fogging up.

Spike pushed Xander back, and spread himself on top of him.  He unzipped him and wrapped his hand around Xander's cock as he nuzzled at his throat.  Spike was speaking again, his voice so low it seemed to vibrate through Xander's body.  "When the chip comes out, pet, we can do anything we want.  No worrying about it going off if we want to... experiment.  And I can protect you, properly, the way I should."  Xander found himself panting, so close now as Spike pumped him and licked at his claim mark.  As Spike bit down hard on Xander's throat, he cried out and came, his warm semen pumping over Spike's hand.  Spike nibbled his way up to Xander's ear and whispered,  "You're mine, pet, forever.  Never forget that."

7
Secrets and Confessions 1

Xander sat on the bed, thinking.  He'd needed to shower and change again after he and Spike had come all over each other on the couch.  Spike had fallen asleep, so Xander had thrown a blanket over him and left him there.

Xander sighed.  The fuzziness in his head was clearing a little, and he was able to think again.  He wasn't stupid.  He knew that somehow Spike had been flooding him with emotions so he wouldn't... so he wouldn't what?  Wouldn't panic, grab a stake, run away, get the Slayer, all of the above?  Stupid vampire, Xander thought, if any of that had been an option I'd have done it, not got blind drunk in the bathroom.  So why make with the fuzzy, no-thinking Xander?

Xander thought about Spike's words.  He felt the truth of them deep in his being.  He felt his mate as almost a physical part of him.  The need for Spike was so strong - much stronger than it had been even yesterday.  He would kill for his mate, or die for him.  He would protect him, even if that meant he went against his best friends.  He loved them, but he would sacrifice any of them before he allowed his mate to come to harm. 

Xander began to feel uneasy.  He loved Spike with everything that he was,  but he shouldn't be pleased about the chip being deactivated.  His best friend had been killed by a vamp.  He went out with the Slayer and killed vamps on a regular basis, for God's sake.  He lay back on the bed, his arm over his eyes, trying to calm his thoughts.  What disturbed Xander most was that the argument with himself was occurring on a purely intellectual level.  His mind, his moral sense, knew that it was wrong to treat people as prey, but everything else in him was arguing that it was Spike's nature and that his mate needed to hunt.   Xander felt bone weary, his whirling thoughts exhausting him. He closed his eyes for a moment to rest.

Xander's eyes flew open; he was instantly awake and alert.  He sat on the edge of the bed and checked his watch.  He'd slept for an hour or so, and his dreams had been full of blood.  Spike's blood, with Xander drinking mouthful after mouthful as Spike made love to him and fed from him again and again.  Xander sat there, shaken.  He knew it wasn't just a dream - he was remembering what had happened.  Just how much blood had he been fed?  Before, Spike had been giving him very little, but all that had changed last night, apparently.  He'd told Xander he'd only get small quantities, so it wouldn't do anything to him.  But suddenly he felt... different.  And Spike was standing in the doorway.  Xander didn't even have to look up to know he was there.  He could feel him.

"What did you do to me, Spike?"  Xander asked in a low voice.

"Only what needed to be done, Xander."

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I completed the mating bond.  That's part of what you felt earlier, feeling me as part of you.  I was going to do it gradually over the next few days, but you forced my hand.  I had no choice."

"I forced your hand?  And there's always a choice. The 'not feeding Xander gallons of blood while he's out of it' option sounds good to me.  Would have got my vote if anyone had bothered to ask."

"So, you remember," said Spike.  He walked around the bed and stood in front of Xander.  "Look at me."  As Xander raised his head, the golden eyes of a Master Vampire stared into his, and held his gaze as he intoned, "I had the right under Lore to do what I did, and your permission to do it.  Kneel before me, Alexander Harris, Consort of Master William the Bloody of the Line of Aurelius."  Xander found himself slipping off the bed onto his knees, unable to tear his eyes from the face above him as the voice that resonated with something ancient and powerful continued:  "'You have freely given yourself to me', remember those words?  I asked you if you accepted my claim three times, and three times you gave your assent.  You fed from me willingly.  I asked who you were, Alexander, and you told me you were mine.  The timing between initiation and completion of the mating bond is at my discretion, not yours.  I treat you as my equal because I choose to do so, because I love you.  By freely giving your assent to the blood bond you have placed yourself under the rule of Lore, under my rule, and you  will abide by it, Alexander Harris.  Stand."  Xander stood and bared his throat, not understanding why he was doing it, but knowing that he must.  Spike sank his fangs into the claim mark, drank shallowly for a second or two, then licked the wound to stop the bleeding.  He then cut his wrist with a sharp claw and offered it to Xander, who latched onto it and suckled desperately, suddenly needing the intimacy of his mate's blood. 

As the wrist was gently pulled away, Xander looked up into sparkling blue eyes, and it was Spike again.  He sat on the bed, pulled Xander down next to him and took his hands.  "You're mine now, fully claimed. This would have happened anyway, pet, just not quite so soon.  There will be changes, because you share my demon now, but nothing bad will happen to you.  You'll be physically stronger, and your reactions will be much faster, so, good for patrolling, right?  You'll heal far more quickly from injuries, and you'll age much more slowly than other humans.  And the bond goes both ways - you're part of me, too.  I hadn't meant to fall asleep and let you discover this on your own, but I didn't get too much rest last night."

Xander was stunned.  His anger had totally dissipated as the meaning of the ritual words, and the reality of everything Spike had said to him today came crashing down on him.  He didn't notice Spike get up and go to the bar.  A glass was pressed into his hand.   "Drink it, Xan."  Xander took a swallow, and coughed as the liquid burnt his throat.  "Brandy, it's good for shock," said Spike.

Spike sat quietly next to his mate as he sipped his drink.  Sensing Xander's confusion, he very gently sent feelings of love and reassurance through their bond, and was relieved to feel Xander begin to calm down.

"You can stop with the warm fuzzies, Spike.  I'm not going to start screaming hysterically or hunting for a stake," said Xander.  Spike looked up and saw Xander staring at him, an odd expression on his face.

"Why the rush to complete the bond, Spike?"

Spike sighed.  "I need you to understand, really understand, why I need that fucking chip gone, Xan.  And without the bond, without the demon's perspective, you couldn't.  You found out before we were fully bonded and you panicked.  Human reaction, only natural.  But you know what the chip does to me now, don't you?"

Xander nodded slowly.  "Yeah, I do.  And I want it gone too, Spike.  You need to be whole again, and I want that for you.  But my friends, and... Spike, it's going to tear me apart knowing that you're killing again.  I sound crazy, I know.  I want you to be able to do anything you want again, but it's going to be hard for me to live with this.  I don't know how I'm gonna do it."

"I know, and that's why I'm not going to."  As Xander looked at Spike in shock, Spike continued, "I will hunt, Xan.  I need it.  But I won't prey on the innocent, or kill indiscriminately, unless it's to defend us.  I can feed without killing.   And I can bag it some of the time.  Remember I said the bond goes both ways?  I have some of your soul, too, Xan, and that will make it far easier for me to rein in the demon's urges.  Consider it my wedding present."

"Oh, Spike, thank you," said Xander, pouring as much love and gratitude through their bond as possible.  He knew this was a huge concession from the vampire, and he didn't intend to treat it lightly.  Then he grinned.  "Wedding present, huh?  I'm a married man.  Shit!  Kinda feel like I've missed out on the dating and the engagement and stuff here."

"Want, take, have, pet.  Vampires don't date.  And anyway, I gave you a ring - several rings in fact."  At Xander's quizzical glance, Spike began to enumerate.  "Key ring, leather cock ring, metal cock ring..."  Xander reached up and grabbed the vampire, pulling him down on top of him.

Spike kissed his consort gently.  "You OK, pet?"

Xander thought for a moment, sifting through and examining his feelings.  He felt... complete, like he belonged.  Like he was home.  He smiled.  A genuine, wide smile.  "Yeah.  Actually I'm more than OK.  It just all hit me at once, y'know?  Just needed to process.  This is what I wanted, Spike, to belong to you. I just wish you'd told me before doing it, that's all."  Spike kissed Xander again, and rolled off him, getting off the bed and heading to the tallboy in the walk in closet.  He opened the top drawer and came back with a small box in his hand.  He sat on the bed next to Xander, opened the box, took Xander's left hand and slipped a heavy gold ring onto the third finger.  "You didn't let me finish my list of rings, Xander," Spike said, "I was going to finish with wedding ring.  There's an inscription."  Xander slipped the ring off, and read the words, 'Eternally yours' engraved on the inner surface.

"Fuck, Spike," said Xander, slipping the ring reverently back on his finger, and swallowing as his throat suddenly felt tight with emotion.  Spike reached down and began unbuttoning Xander's shirt.  "Let me show you just how much you mean to me, Xan," he said huskily.


~*~*~*~*~


The rest of the day and the night that followed were spent in each other's arms, talking, making love, simply being with each other.  Xander couldn't seem to stop touching Spike, and the vampire explained that this was common in the newly bonded, and that the desperate need for physical contact would abate as Xander grew used to the bond.

As they sat in bed eating breakfast the next morning, Spike raised the topic he knew was causing the uneasiness he could feel lurking in his mate's mind.  "Meeting your friends this afternoon, pet."

"Yeah, Spike, I know," sighed Xander.  "I'm gonna have to tell them, aren't I?"

"Kinda hard to hide the fact from the Slayer, love.  She'll pick up your bond with me.  Well, obviously she won't know that's what it is, but you'll set all her warning bells off, just like a vamp does.  D'you want me to come with you?  I should be there."

"Fuck, no, Spike!  It's gonna be hard enough without me having to worry about Buffy staking you.  Look, she doesn't know where you are, so for the moment let's keep it that way.  Once the chip is out, and you can defend yourself against her, I won't have to worry...  And I cannot believe I just said that," said Xander, shaking his head at himself.  "Look, the last thing I want is a showdown between the two of you.  I love you both, Spike, and I don't want to see either of you hurt.  And the thing that scares me is I'd kill her if she tried to touch you."

Spike shoved the trays out of the way and drew his mate into a tight embrace, feeling his distress clearly.  "Shh, love.  That's just the demon rattling the bars a bit.  You won't hurt your friends, and I'll stay out of the Slayer's way for a while, I mean, she can't stay mad for ever, right?"

Xander took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself.  He was shaken at the violence of his protective feelings towards Spike.  "Spike, the demon... is that how you feel..."

"Is that how I feel about you?  Christ, Xander.  I'd tear anyone limb from limb if they even looked sideways at you.  The Watchers think that demons can't love.  They have no fucking idea, Xan.  No idea at all."


~*~*~*~*~


Xander had decided that it might be a good idea to get to Giles' apartment early.  Giles was expecting them all to meet there at three, so Xander got there an hour earlier.  He hoped he could explain it to Giles, then at least he wouldn't have to deal with all three of them at once.  He could sense Spike's reassuring presence at the edges of his thoughts as he knocked on the door.  Spike had been very unhappy about Xander going on his own, but eventually had to agree that it was the only sensible decision.

"Xander, you're early.  Not working today?"  Giles stood aside, letting Xander into the apartment.  "I was just having some lunch.  Would you like anything?"

"Um, just a drink thanks, Giles."

Giles brought Xander a can of soda, and sat down next to him on the couch to finish his sandwich.  "So, work?"

"No, I er, quit, last week."

"Why?  Did you get a better offer?"

Xander smiled.  "Yeah, you could say that."  Xander took a long swallow of his drink.  The palms of his hands were clammy, and he could feel the butterflies churning in his stomach.  He had no idea how to tell Giles what had happened.  He could feel Spike sending calming, loving feelings to him, and he felt the butterflies settle a little.

"Giles, I need to tell you something, and I have no idea how to go about it, but I have a pretty good idea of how you're gonna react.  So just hear me out, OK?"

Giles gave him an appraising look, then nodded.  "All right, Xander.  I'm listening."

"I, er, that is, Spike and me, well, we er..."  Xander worried his bottom lip with his teeth, groping for words.  He saw Giles stiffen in his seat at the mention of Spike.  "You and Spike what, Xander?"

"Spike and I are... I mean, we've..."  Xander took a deep breath.  Jeez, why couldn't he just say the words?  "Giles, I'm fairly certain that I'm gay, or bi, maybe."  OK, ease into it, good move.

Giles' face softened a little.  "That's not a total surprise to me, Xander.  I've noticed that you..."  Giles' voice trailed away as Xander's babbled words began to sink in.

"No.  Oh, no," said Giles.  "Xander, please tell me that Spike is still tied to a chair, or that you've dusted him and don't know how to tell me."

"Um, no, and hell no.  What I'm trying to say is that Spike and I are... we're sleeping together,"  Xander blurted out.  Giles closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, dislodging his glasses slightly.

"God, this is all my fault.  How could I have been so blind, so stupid?  I should never have left you alone with Spike.  I should have known he'd prey on you, find some way around that damn chip.  Where is he, Xander?  Forget Buffy, I'll bloody well stake him myself."

"Giles, please.  It's not what you think.  Spike didn't attack me.  It was...what I wanted."

Giles looked at Xander incredulously.  "I find that very difficult to believe, Xander.  Spike is a dangerous vampire, chip or no chip.  You will remain here until Buffy and I have dealt with him.  At least the chip stopped him from feeding, or you'd doubtless be drained or turned by now."  Something in Xander's expression made Giles' blood run cold.  "Xander, he didn't..." 

Xander sat motionless as Giles leaned towards him suddenly.  With shaking hands, Giles unbuttoned the collar of an unresisting Xander's shirt, pushing it back, looking for and finding what he had desperately hoped wouldn't be there.  His hands fell away.   Xander buttoned his shirt up, pulling it forward, making sure his claim mark was covered again.  Show and tell seemed to work well, a vaguely hysterical voice giggled at the back of his thoughts.

"How could he have bitten you?  The chip is obviously not as effective as we thought."  Giles seemed to be almost talking to himself as he absently took off his glasses and began polishing them.  Xander reached across and laid his hand across Giles', stilling the jerky movements.  "Giles, please.  It's not like that."   Giles looked down, seeing the ring on Xander's finger for the first time.  He took Xander's hand in his, rubbing the ring between his thumb and index finger.  "This is new?" he queried.  "Yeah, Spike gave it to me," said Xander, feeling himself choking up at the distress that was obvious in the older man as all the pieces finally clicked into place.

"Dear lord, he didn't just feed from you, did he?  He claimed you.  When did this happen, Xander?  There may still be time to-"

"No, Giles.  The bond's complete," interrupted Xander, knowing that Giles would know exactly what that meant.  And gradually it seemed to sink in to Giles that Xander hadn't been attacked, or claimed against his will.

Giles slumped back, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose as though trying to stem the headache he could feel coming on fast.  "Do you have any idea what you've done, Xander?  Do you have any conception of how serious this is?  You have bound yourself to a demon for the rest of your existence."

"Yes, Giles.  I know, I was there," said Xander.

"Xander, this is serious!" Giles snapped at him.

Xander sighed.  "I know that, Giles.  It is my life, you know.  Look.  I'm in love with Spike.  He's in love with me.  We're bonded.  And now I have to tell my friends.  I know you can't be happy for me, but please try to at least understand.  If you can't accept it, then what chance do I have with Willow and Buffy?"  They sat in silence for some time, then Giles sighed, put on his glasses and turned to look at Xander.

"To say I'm unhappy about this is to grossly understate my feelings on the matter, Xander, but it's too late to do anything about it.  And obviously we can't stake Spike, given your blood bond to him."

"I'm sure he'll be relieved to hear that, Giles."

Giles look at Xander, hard.  "He knows that already, Xander.  Didn't he explain to you what would happen to you if he was dusted?"

"Um, he said something about that, but..."  Xander's voice trailed off.

"I have a book you should read.  It will interest you.  It was written by a vampire of the Aurelius Line, which you would have a particular interest in, now.  There is a very detailed section on the claiming of consorts."  Giles walked over to the bookshelf and removed a slim volume.   Leafing through the pages, he found the relevant section and handed the open book to Xander.  "You should read it now.  It won't take you long; it's not a very large section.  I think I need to make some tea.  Some very strong, sweet tea," said Giles.  "Good for shock, so I've heard," he added dryly.

Twenty minutes later, a rather pale looking Xander closed the book.  He sent as much reassurance as he could through the bond as he felt his mate becoming frantic at the edges of his mind.  Giles took in the pale face, eyes closed in concentration, and said, "Xander, are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah.  Sorry, Giles.  Just trying to calm Spike down.  He was getting a bit edgy there."

Giles' eyes widened.  "You can talk to him?"

"Huh?  Oh, no, no.  I can feel him, his emotions, y'know?  And he could feel me getting a little anxious, I just had to let him know I was OK."

"Oh, I see.  And are you?  OK, I mean?"

Xander leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands over his face.  "Yeah, pretty much.  Just... some of the stuff in there threw me a bit, is all.  Giles, can I, can I borrow this?  I'll take good care of it, just... There's some things in there I need to ask Spike about, y'know?"

"Yes, I imagine there are.  Of course you may, Xander.  Is there anything you would like to ask me?"

"Am I still welcome here, Giles?"

The question threw Giles for a second.  The thought of rejecting the child had never crossed his mind.  "Oh, my dear boy," said Giles, reaching over and gently rubbing Xander's back.  "Of course you are.  We can't help who we fall in love with, Xander.  I know that better than anyone.  I may not be terribly happy with what you've done, but I'm not going to turn my back on you."

Xander let out a sigh of relief.  "Thank you.  That means a lot to me."  Xander slipped the book into the pocket of his jacket and glanced at the clock.  "Buffy and Willow will be here soon," he said, the nervousness in his voice apparent.

"Do you want me to talk to them for you, Xander?  I know this is going to be hard for you."

"No.  Thanks, Giles, but I've got to face them, tell them myself.  I'm just not sure how to raise the subject, that's all."

"I don't think that'll be a problem, Xander," said Giles dryly.  "Didn't Spike tell you that Buffy will know as soon as she sees you?"

"Oh, yeah.  Forgot."  Xander swallowed against his suddenly dry throat.  He jumped up and started pacing around the living room.  Giles stood up and clasped Xander's arms, stopping the restless pacing.  "Come into the kitchen, we can get some snacks ready for when they get here.  Give you something to do instead of sitting here worrying."


~*~*~*~*~


Xander had just gone to the bathroom when the apartment door flew open as Buffy and Willow bounced through the door.  They had only taken two or three steps into the apartment when Buffy suddenly stopped, glanced around quickly, then thrust her hand into her bag.  Drawing out a stake, she threw the bag to the floor and, looking warily at Willow, she tucked the stake into the back pocket of her jeans.  Giles walked out of the kitchen to see Buffy looking alert in the middle of the living room. 

"Have you got the bleached menace back again, Giles?"

"No.  It's not that..."

"Oh, then Angel's here?" asked Buffy, sounding much more enthusiastic.

"No, neither of them are here, Buffy.  Please sit down, I need to..."

"There's a vamp here, Giles.  I can feel it," she hissed at him.  She raised her head as though sniffing the air, and then took off in the direction of the bathroom.

"No, Buffy, wait.  I have to tell you something..."

Meanwhile, Xander was standing shaking in the bathroom.  He was tingling all over, his blood screaming 'Slayer: danger' at him while his brain forcibly over-ruled the primitive fight-or-flight reflex.  Let's get this over with, he thought, and he walked out of the bathroom to find himself slammed against the wall with a stake pressed to his chest two seconds later. 

"Missed you, too, Buff," he said, through too-dry lips.  Buffy stared at him in shock.  "Xander?"

"Buffy, what are you doing?" screamed Willow, dropping her book bag to the floor and rushing up behind Buffy, grabbing her arm and trying to pull the stake away from Xander's chest.

"Well, that's the pleasantries taken care of," said Giles, "so, shall we all sit down?"


~*~*~*~*~


As the stressed out bundle of sorrow and gloom that was his mate came through the apartment door, Spike gathered him into his arms.  Xander buried his head into Spike's neck as harsh, gut-wrenching sobs tore from his throat.  Spike held him tightly, rubbing his back, making small 'shushing' noises and pouring love down the bond.  As the sobbing abated, Spike led Xander into the bedroom and sat him down on the bed. 

Taking his jacket from him, he poured him a brandy and pressed the glass into his hand.  "Just take a few sips, Xan, help you to calm down a bit."  Xander took a swallow, and shuddered.  "Do you want to talk about it, pet?"  Xander shook his head mutely.  Spike took the glass from Xander and finished the brandy himself.  He then pulled back the covers on the bed, undressed his mate and put him into bed.  Spike stripped quickly and crawled in beside him, gathering Xander into his arms again.

Spike felt as though his unbeating heart would break at the misery he felt pouring from Xander.  Xander would need to talk about this, but right at this moment he needed to feel loved.  And he needed to know just how good it could be with the bond in place.  Spike began kissing Xander, slowly and as tenderly as he could, stroking his mate, whispering words of endearment to him.  Gradually, he felt Xander begin to respond, the misery abating as arousal took its place.  Spike peppered Xander with kisses, along his jawline, down the long column of his throat, licking and nipping at his claim mark until Xander was groaning and thrusting up against him.  He rolled and pinched one dusky nipple as this lips and teeth worked the other into a hard point.  But he wasn't going to tease, not today.  He kissed his way down to Xander's cock, and began to lick and suck the fiery hardness while his hands fumbled under the pillow for the lube.  He quickly and thoroughly prepared his mate, slicked himself up, and entered Xander in one, smooth thrust. 

Spike stopped, buried in the silken softness, and stared deeply into the beautiful, dark velvet eyes of his lover.  "You are my world, Xander, and I adore you.  Open yourself to me," he said, before claiming the swollen, red lips in a searing kiss.  Xander groaned and bucked against him.  Feeling the swirl of Spike's emotions in his head, Xander opened himself up.  And gasped as Spike began moving, thrusting into him again and again.  Sensations overwhelmed Xander. He felt himself thrusting into liquid heat; he felt himself impaled on cool hardness; he felt the delicious tightness and friction on his cool shaft; he felt the delicious tingling sparks run through him as the small bundle of nerves was hit again and again; he felt his fangs elongate and his face shift; he felt his mouth open wider as he gasped for air; he felt sharp fangs slice through heated skin; he felt blunt teeth tear into cool flesh; and blood exploded through him, filling him as he arched and thrust and cried out into the bright white oblivion of orgasm.





8
Secrets and Confessions Part 2

Xander woke slowly.  He was lying almost completely on top of Spike, his face nuzzled into the vampire's slender neck, with Spike's arms wrapped loosely around him.  Xander was rapidly becoming used to this -  this feeling of being safe, of being loved.  Things he'd never been able to take for granted before.  Being loved.  Thoughts of their lovemaking drifted through his mind and he shivered.  He'd never experienced anything like that...he'd been inside Spike's head, felt the passion, the desire for him that burned through the vampire.  It had been awe inspiring.  He felt Spike's arms tighten slightly.  Xander smiled and kissed Spike, who laughed softly when Xander's stomach rumbled loudly.

"Wow, I'm starving.  What time is it?"

"Around midnight, love.  You were exhausted, and needed to sleep."

And then it all flooded back, and Xander felt his stomach drop.  "Oh God," he moaned as it hit him, as he remembered the horrible scene in Giles' apartment. 

Spike tightened his grip.  "You are going to come and have something to eat, pet.  Don't make me do the fuzzy Xander thing to calm you down." 

Xander grinned despite himself at Spike's use of the peculiarly Xander-ish phrase.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing his stomach to settle down.  "You're right.  If I'm going to wallow, I might as well do it on a full stomach."

"That's the spirit," said a determinedly cheerful Spike as he released Xander, threw back the covers and turned up the lights.  And that was when Xander noticed the angry-looking bite mark on Spike's throat. 

He reached out and touched it, surprised to feel pride and satisfaction at having done it as something inside him roared, Mine.  "Shit, Spike, I remember needing to do that.  I'm sorry, I..." 

Spike cut him off.  "Don't be sorry, pet.  You've marked me as yours.  And you will do it again, because the demon will demand it.  Are you sorry that you did it?"

"Um, actually no.  I just want to touch it, and I want it to always be there."

"It'll heal, Xan.  But it will scar eventually if you keep opening it up."

"Oh, yeah," groaned Xander, pulling Spike towards him and nibbling on his claim mark.  Spike pressed himself against Xander, and then pulled away.  "Later, Xan.  Shower and food now, sex later, OK?"  Xander shook his head to try and clear the fog of lust that had risen within him since thinking about his claiming of Spike. 

"Right, yeah.  Let's do it."


~*~*~*~*~


Spike pulled a couple of beers from the fridge and put a frozen pizza in the oven.  Comfort food for his mate.  Spike had set up a portable tv in the kitchen, and when Xander wandered in after his shower he switched it on, though if anyone had asked he wouldn't have been able to say what he watched while Spike dished up the pizza.  After they'd eaten, Xander helped Spike to clear up, and then followed him into the living room.  Spike dimmed the lights, put on some soft music, and then sat at one end of the couch, swinging his legs up so he lay propped up.  Xander sat between his legs, his back propped against Spike.  Having created a suitably calm and peaceful atmosphere, Spike wrapped his arms around his mate and said, "Tell me."

"I... I got to Giles' apartment early.  I didn't know how to tell him, Spike.  But between my babbling and him being good at puzzles we worked it out in the end.  He... He wasn't happy about it, but he understood, y'know? And... and he said I was welcome there, that he'd never turn his back on me."  Xander stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath.  "He gave me a book.  There's some stuff in there that I want to ask you about, OK?"

"Yeah, 'course.  So what happened next?"  said Spike, mentally shifting the Watcher from the 'kill as soon as the chip comes out' category to the 'protect for the boy's sake' category.  He'd hated the way the Watcher had treated him when he went to him for help, but the grateful note in the boy's voice as he spoke about the older man couldn't be ignored.

Xander sighed, and Spike clearly felt the shudder that ran through the boy.  "I was in the bathroom when Buffy and Willow turned up."  Spike stroked Xander's hair and tried to soothe him as his breath began to hitch.  Xander took a couple of deep breaths, letting them out slowly, trying to calm himself.

"I knew the second Buffy walked through the door, Spike.  Everything in me was screaming 'danger' and trying to get me to run.  Anyway, I ignored it and walked out of the bathroom.  The next thing I know Buffy'd slammed me against the wall and there was a stake at my chest.  Willow was screaming at her and trying to pull her off me..."  Xander could feel the growl that started in Spike's chest.  "It's OK, Spike.  I'm here, I'm fine."  Another deep breath, slow exhale.  "So, Giles was all calm, y'know, the way he is, and he managed to get the stake away from Buffy and got her and Willow and me sitting down.  And not long after that the yelling started."  Xander closed his eyes, narrating the scene that replayed vividly in his head.


~*~*~*~*~


"What do you mean he's not a vamp, Giles?  He feels like a vamp to me, and I should know."

Giles handed Xander a cross and a bottle of holy water, which Xander poured onto his own  hand.  "I can send him out to sit in the sun, if you want?" he said at the end of the demonstration, exasperation clear in his voice.

"Well, what's happened to him then?" asked Willow.

"Um, sitting right here," said Xander.  As three pairs of eyes swivelled towards him, Xander wondered whether he would ever learn to keep his mouth shut.

"Would you like to explain it to them, Xander?" asked Giles.  Not really, thought Xander.  OK, the beating around the bush thing with Giles really hadn't worked all that well, so he had practiced what he was going to say while he puttered in the kitchen, waiting for the girls to arrive.  He took a deep breath and said, "I'm living with Spike.  I love him, he loves me.  We're mated.  It's his demon you can feel in me, Buffy.  I know you're not going to be very happy about this, but I hope you can understand and accept it.  I don't want to lose your friendship.  I love you guys, I still want to be your friend, and I still want to help you."  A shocked silence greeted Xander's words, and he sat and waited for the axe to fall.  He didn't have to wait long.

"You're what!  That's it.  That undead, bleached freak is so dusted," shouted Buffy as she jumped up and grabbed her bag.  "You're not gay, Xander, and you hate Spike!  He's done something to you.  But don't worry, I'll dust him, end of problem."  She headed to the front door, then turned.  "Where is he, Xander?"  Giles walked over to Buffy and said, "Buffy, sit down.  You can't dust Spike.  If you do, you'll kill Xander as well."  This piece of information seemed to snap Willow out of her shocked silence.

"What?" Willow whispered.  She was hugging the bookbag that was resting on her knees, and rocking forwards and backwards as she shook her head.  "No.  No, how can dusting Spike hurt Xander?"  She looked across at him. "Xander, please?  This isn't you.  Like Buffy said, Spike's done something to you."  Xander walked over to her chair and crouched down in front of her as Buffy stormed into the kitchen, having been ordered there by Giles.  He could hear Giles trying to explain things to her as Buffy slammed the cupboard doors. 

"Wills, I'm in love with him.  I've wanted him for a long time.  Just in some serious denial, that's all.  This is what I want, Willow.  Please try to understand."  Willow's eyes seemed like huge pools in her pale face, and tears began to run down her cheeks as she shook her head.  "No.  I don't know you, Xander.  I don't know you at all," she whispered.  "How could you be in love with him?  He's a vampire - you hate vampires.  And he tried to kill us - he tried to bite me not long ago.  And the gay thing, I mean, you've never... Cordy and...  You kissed me..." her voice trailed off.

"I still don't understand, Giles.  How can ridding the world of that pain in the ass hurt Xander?"  said Buffy as she marched back into the living room with a can of soda.  All eyes turned to Giles as he followed her out of the kitchen.  He removed his glasses and began vigorously polishing them again.  "Xander is mated to Spike.  They have shared blood.  Xander needs Spike's blood now.  If anything were to happen to him, Xander would die.  It is well documented in several Watcher's Journals..."

"I don't think they need the references, Giles," said Xander.

"Giles, how the hell can you be so calm about this?  And there must be a way to fix it, so fix it, now!  There's got to be something in all these books..."

"Buffy, there is no way to 'fix' this.  And even if there were, I doubt that Xander wants it 'fixing'."

"Why, 'cos Spike's messed with his head or something?  Jeez, Giles, there must be something we can do."

"Buffy, you're not listening!  Xander has been here for an hour or so, and we've talked about this.  A vampire cannot take a human consort without the human involved giving their consent.  If Xander didn't want this, Spike couldn't force him, particularly given his chipped condition."

As the realisation finally sunk in, Buffy turned on Xander.  "You wanted this?  How the hell could you want to... with Spike?  He's an evil, bloodsucking... thing!  And, hello, he's a guy!  Since when have you been into guys, Xander?"  Xander stood up and walked towards Buffy.

"Does the fact that I'm in love with a guy bother you, Buffy?"

"Yes... no... I don't know.  Maybe it'd be ok if it wasn't Spike.  He's a vampire!"

"One word, Buffy.  Angel."

"That's different.  Angel's got a soul!  And you've got no right to bring up Angel after everything you said about him."

"Sometimes," shot back Xander. "Sometimes he has a soul, and we all remember how much fun Angelus was, don't we?"

"Don't you dare, Xander.  That wasn't Angel's fault.  And anyway, Spike doesn't love you, he can't.  He's just using you to hurt us, that's all."

"What?  Have you heard a word I said?  He..." 

Willow jumped up, her bag falling to the floor as she put her hands over her ears and shouted, "Stop it.  Stop it now."  Tears were pouring down her cheeks.  "Just stop it.  I can't stand it."  She bent over and scooped up her bag as she headed to the front door.

"Wills, please."  Xander started walking towards her, but she put her hand out and he stopped in his tracks.

"No.  I have to think.  I can't talk to you now, Xander.  I have to go now."  She spun around and headed out the door.

"Wills!"  Xander made to go after her, but Giles caught his arm and held him in place.  "Just give her some time.  You've given her a shock, Xander.  Once she's sorted things out in her head, she'll want to talk to you."

"I'll go after her, make sure she gets home OK.  And I will be back, I haven't finished with you," said Buffy, grabbing her bag and heading out the door after the retreating figure.

Giles sighed deeply.  "I think it might be best if you head off home, Xander.  I'll talk to Buffy.  She'll calm down."

Xander sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to ease the tension headache making itself at home in his head.  "Yeah, sure, Giles.  I'm not living in the basement anymore.  I'll leave you my new number.  Can you give me a call..."

"Of course.  I'm sorry, Xander, but this sort of reaction was to be expected, you know.  And starting an argument about Angel didn't help.  Just give them some time."

"Yeah.  Thanks, Giles.  Tell Buffy... tell her I'm sorry for what I said.  And give Wills my love."  Xander slipped on his jacket, making sure the book was still in the pocket, wrote his number on a slip of paper for Giles, and headed home.


~*~*~*~*~


Spike hugged Xander tightly as he finally stopped speaking.  "Willow's been your best friend forever, Xan.  She'll come round, I'm sure.  And as for the Slayer, well, bringing up the poof probably wasn't the cleverest thing you could have done.  But the Watcher'll sort her out.  I never thought I'd say this, but I've got to give the man credit.  Like he says, love, just give them some time."

"You didn't see the way they looked at me, Spike.  Willow was horrified, and Buffy just look disgusted.  I've lost my best friends, haven't I?"

"No, pet.  I think you're underestimating how much they care about you.  Just wait, you'll see," said Spike, sounding far more optimistic than he felt.

They lay there quietly for a while, and when Spike felt Xander had settled down a little, he decided to cheer his pet up a bit, and he had the perfect distraction.  He picked up the remote from the arm of the couch and turned on the TV.

"I've got a video I think you'll enjoy, love," he said as he pressed play.

"Not really in the mood at the moment, Spike," said Xander.

"Oh, I think you'll enjoy this one," said Spike, as he turned the volume up and prodded Xander to look at the large screen.  Still leaning with his back against Spike's chest, Xander turned to the side slightly to see what was on the TV.  His mouth fell open and he gasped in shock.  "Spike, how the hell..."

"Surveillance camera, love.  Thought you'd like to see how beautiful you look," said Spike.

Xander couldn't believe what he was seeing.  He watched himself being chained up by Spike and groaned as he remembered the feeling of the cuffs around his wrists.  He felt Spike unzip him and slip his hand in, wrapping his hand around the half hard cock.  He watched himself moan and throw his head back as Spike tightened the nipple clamps.  Then jumped as Spike pinched his nipple.  "Interactive viewing, Spike?" he asked, in a hoarse voice.  "Just watch, pet.  Don't take your eyes off the screen," said Spike.  So Xander watched himself getting royally fucked while Spike stroked him gently.  Far too gently for Xander's taste, but Spike firmly resisted all efforts on Xander's part to get him to speed up or add enough pressure for Xander to come.  As the tape hissed static, Spike hit the off button on the remote and tilted Xander's head to the side to claim his mouth in a bruising kiss.  He slowly broke the kiss, but held Xander's head so their lips were still touching.  "That's how I want you, pet.  Naked and in chains, ready for me."  "God, yeah," breathed Xander.  "Come on then, pet, let's go play for a little while," said Spike.  They got up from the couch and Spike led Xander to the dungeon.


~*~*~*~*~


Xander stripped as soon as they stepped through the dungeon door, and headed to the bathroom at the back.  Spike took off his shirt and socks, leaving just his jeans on.  He headed to the bathroom after Xander, and waited until he'd finished cleaning himself.  Xander reached for the lube but Spike stopped him.  "Not this time, pet.  Just put on the wrist cuffs."  When Xander was ready, Spike took him by the hand and led him to the bed.  Xander looked confused.  "Don't you want me to kneel over there?"  he asked.  "Not now, pet.  Just wanna play.  I want our next session to be after next weekend."  Xander looked puzzled for a second, and then the realisation struck.  After the chip comes out.  Oh, Ok...

"Kneel in the middle of the bed, pet," continued Spike, as he picked up a large, heavily padded round pillow - a bolster, Xander thought it was called.  Spike placed the bolster on the bed in front of Xander and pushed him until he was kneeling forward, his chest resting on it.  He then attached Xander's wrist cuffs to chains at opposite corners of the top of the bed.  Spike smiled to himself as he heard Xander's heartbeat speed up as he was restrained.  "Comfy, pet?" 

"Um, yeah," said Xander.  He tugged at the chains a bit, but they were firmly attached. 

"Good.  Now just relax and enjoy youself," said Spike.  He stripped off his jeans and climbed onto the bed behind Xander.  Kneeling behind him, he draped himself over Xander's back, and began nibbling at his neck.  He then raised himself a little and ghosted his fingers over the expanse of flesh, tracing the muscles, then leaning forward to trace them again with his tongue.  Xander shivered as Spike slowly kissed his way down the boy's spine, swirling his tongue in the hollow at the base.  Spike lifted Xander's hips and nudged at his knees.  Xander shuffled them apart as far as he could get them, feeling vaguely ridiculous, kneeling there with his ass in the air, his cock and balls just dangling in the breeze...until the swirling tongue began to move from the base of his spine.  Began to move down.

The cool tongue was...  Oh, god, yeah.  Spike was licking over his entrance, the rough tongue swiping at him felt...fuck!  Unbelievably good.  Down lower now, the cool tongue licking his balls and...oooh, sucking them into his mouth.  Xander desperately wanted some attention lavished on his cock, but it was studiously ignored.  His balls were sucked and licked until he thought he'd go crazy, then Spike released them and Xander felt him lick his way up again.  Cool hands spread his ass cheeks and Xander felt lips against his entrance.  Then the tongue again, but pointed, hard this time.  The tip was pushed against his anus, teasingly, pressing against it in short, fast jabs.  He tried to push back, but the chains held him firmly in place.  Xander felt the little puffs of breath as Spike laughed at his futile attempts. 

"Jeez, Spike, please..." begged Xander. 

He felt a gentle nip at his ass cheek, then Spike said, "I'm playing, Xan.  You're lying there and taking it."

Xander stilled his movements, and a few moments later was rewarded by the lips back at his entrance, and then the tongue again.  But after a few jabs, the slippery muscle was pushing into him, just a little, and then slipping out again.  Each time, Spike pushed a little further in.  The sensations were incredible, the slippery tongue going deeper and deeper.  Then Spike wiggled his tongue inside him, and Xander bucked and groaned.  Spike began fucking Xander with his tongue, pulling out to lick around his entrance or stopping to wriggle it inside him so that Xander was soon moaning and begging continuously.  His cock was dripping, and Xander was pleading for something, anything.  He desperately wanted to come, but Spike refused to touch his cock or allow him to lean forward to thrust against the bolster.  Then the tongue was removed to be replaced by two wet fingers that reached around until...'fuck, Spike'!  Xander hadn't even realised that he'd shouted aloud he was so far gone.

Spike smiled.  He was enjoying himself.  His pet was almost out of his mind with the need to come.  And he would, soon.  Spike thoroughly wet three fingers and thrust them into Xander, crooking them until he hit the little nub that had Xander thrashing about so prettily.  Spike then massaged the spot.  Xander was now jerking and moaning continually, alternately begging and cursing the vampire.  Spike removed his fingers, spread saliva and precum over his cock, then positioned himself and slammed into Xander.  Spike knew he was pretty close himself - watching the surveillance video and then working his pet had pushed him pretty close to the edge, and it didn't take long before he was flooding his mate's heat with his cool come.  

Xander was gasping, now. "Please, Spike.  Need to come, now, please..."  Spike pulled out and flipped onto his back, his head between Xander's knees.  He then shimmied up a little further, rested his head against the bolster and pulled Xander's hips towards him.  He swiped his tongue over the head of the dripping cock, and the heartfelt groan of, "fuck, Spike," made him smile again.  He angled his head and sucked the cock down his throat, swallowing around it as he thrust three fingers back into the loosened hole.  Spike sucked hard, and Xander cried out hoarsely and emptied himself into the cool mouth.  As Xander's spasms quieted, Spike licked him clean and released him gently, shimmying back out between his legs and getting up to release his wrists from the chains.  Xander flopped onto his back and lay there, breathlessly panting.  Spike shoved the bolster out of the way and lay next to his mate, pulling him into his arms, kissing him.   Xander mumbled something into Spike's neck. 

"What was that, pet?" 

"I said, I hope you remembered to replace the tape in the surveillance camera," said Xander, blushing a little.  Spike hugged him tight as he burst out laughing.


~*~*~*~*~


Giles phoned every afternoon for the following few days, letting Xander know how the girls were.  Buffy was still ranting, but Willow seemed to have calmed down a little, and had asked Giles if he had any idea of how she could contact Xander.  Giles had given her the phone number, and told Xander to expect a call from her in the next couple of days.  Xander was almost bouncing when he hung up and walked into the bedroom to share the news with Spike.  "Giles said that he gave Willow my number today, Spike.  She wants to talk to me."

"That's good, pet.  Told you she'd come around.  How's the Slayer?  Still snotty about it?"

"Yeah, still ranting a bit, according to Giles.  But she'll calm down, I'm sure, once Willow is talking to me again."

"Yeah, well, just make sure you've got the phone with you when we go out tomorrow, then, in case she calls, all right?"

"Out?  Where are we going?"

"Saturday tomorrow, pet.  We've got an appointment, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, of course.  Just losing track of the days a bit, that's all," said Xander, feeling his heart sink a little.  He wanted Spike to get the chip out, or deactivated, or whatever.  He really did.  Just...

"You OK, Xan?"

"Yeah, fine."  Xander picked up his jacket from where it had fallen behind the chair, and the book Giles had lent him fell to the floor.  "Hey, I wondered where this had got to.  Giles lent me a book, Spike, all about claiming and consorts and stuff.  I read it at his place, but there are things in there I want to ask you about."  He held the book up to show Spike.  Noting the scowl on the vampire's face, he said, "What, isn't it any good?  Giles said it was 'reliable'."

"No, no, love.  It's actually written by a vampire, a couple of hundred years ago.  He got it into his head the the Lore should be written down.  Dozy sod.  Like you've got any chance of forgetting it.  Here, love.  Let's go sit down and have a beer."  Xander followed Spike out to the kitchen.  "So what did you want to ask about?"  said Spike, as he opened the fridge and got out two beers.

Xander sat at the table and opened the book to the section on the claiming of Consorts.  "OK, Spike.  Can I just go through this and ask questions as I come to things?"

"Sure.  Fire away, love." said Spike, as he pulled up a chair next to Xander.

"Um, it says about the first claiming - we had to share blood.  But you didn't feed me any.  Did you?"

"When I kissed you after I'd claimed you, Xan, I cut my tongue with my fang.  You didn't notice?"

"I noticed blood, but I just thought it was mine."

"Well, yeah, some of it was.  But you didn't need to take much.  A couple of drops was enough to start with."

"Right.  OK.  And going all  'grrr' the other day - that was the 'formal declaration of the bond', yeah?"

"Yeah.  Why?"

"Nothing, just checking you've done it right... ooof!"  Spike lunged at Xander and nipped lightly at his throat.  "Cheeky bastard!"

"Just kidding, Spike!  Um, that's sort of the easy stuff out of the way,"  said Xander, pushing at Spike, who sat back down on his chair again.  "Right, what's next?  Oh, yeah.  It talks about what happens if one of us..."  Xander's voice trailed off.  "It says that Consorts are usually turned."

Spike began speaking. "If I'm dusted, you'll gradually fade away and die.  It will be as though half of you is dead, too, and it just takes a while for the rest of you to catch up.  Taking a human consort is a risky thing for a vampire, too.  The demon quite often goes insane with grief when the human dies, and the vampire ends up sitting at the graveside waiting to greet the dawn."  Spike leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Xander.  "That's why we eventually turn our consorts, Xander.  And that's why the consorts agree to it.  And after a few years the consort is used to sharing the vampire's demon anyway, so very little changes.  But that's not something we have to consider for a long time, Xan.  And it will always be your choice." 

Xander nodded, his head buried in Spike's neck.  He exhaled a long, shaky sigh.  "Yeah, that's pretty much what the book says.  It just didn't really sink in when you tried to tell me before."

"Like I said, pet.  Your choice.  Always," said Spike, staring into Xander's eyes, trying so hard to make Xander believe that.  Because if it came to it, Spike knew he'd turn him and worry about the consequences afterwards.  "So, is that it, or is there anything else you want to ask?" said Spike, knowing full well what the last part of the section of this particular book dealt with, and figuring he might as well get it over with.  He drained his beer and got himself a fresh one.  Xander had only taken a sip of his.

"Um, yeah, hang on," said Xander as he turned another page.  "Oh, right.  Yeah, the last bit talks about the Sire.  And this is something you really should have talked to me about, Spike," said Xander, looking up at Spike with a stern expression on his face.  He bent his head back to the book again. "Says your Sire has to give his consent, and perform the Admittance Rite, which makes the union valid in the eyes of the -"

"Oh yeah, that," said Spike, cutting Xander's hesitant reading off.  But Xander wasn't going to be deflected so easily.  "Says our lives are forfeit to the Sire if he witholds consent, and... blah blah blah...  hang on, there's a bit further down...yeah, here it is.  By giving consent, the Sire agrees to assign the same rights, privileges and responsibilities to the Consort as are held by their Childe.  The Consort agrees to submit to the Sire in accordance with their recognised status as Childe."  Xander closed the book and looked up at Spike.

"Now, that's not the easiest thing I've ever had to read, but I think I've agreed to act like a vampire and call Deadboy 'daddy'.  That right?"

"Yeah.  Something like that.  That's something we need to talk about."

"And that, if Deadboy, who hates me by the way, gets snarky and refuses to perform the rite, we're bone - yeah?  Dead.  Deadboy has the right to drain us or something," continued Xander, as though Spike hadn't said a word.

"Well, yeah.  But he can't.  Withold consent, I mean.  He gave you to me, Xander.  He can't refuse under Lore.  And anyway, whatever the soul may think of you, Angelus doesn't hate you."

"What?  The demon likes me?  Look, Spike, the claiming, cool.  The whole blood-sharing, co-dependency thing we've got going, yeah, I get that now.  But the Sire's rights thing I don't understand.  I get that Deadboy has to agree and can't kill us now.  And that he's supposed to perform some sort of ritual, and that I get treated like a Childe, but I don't know what any of that actually means, to me."

Spike sighed.  "OK.  Yes, I should have discussed this with you.  But the way things have been just lately there hasn't been a good time, you know?  And knowing how you feel about Angelus, I didn't..."  Spike stopped, took a long swallow of his beer, sighed again and decided to just spit it out.  "Right.  OK, hear me out, no interruptions, questions afterwards, yeah?"  Xander nodded.  "Right then.  Firstly, the admittance ceremony is performed in private.  We all have to...  I mean, we need to...  If Angelus wants to, we..."  Spike faltered again.  His pet was not going to be happy about this.  To tell the truth, Spike wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect either.

Xander burst out laughing.  "Jeez, Spike, just say it already!  The way you're stuttering and stumbling over this, anyone would think that I have to fuck Deadboy..."  At the silence that greeted this statement, Xander felt himself going pale.  "Please, tell me I don't have to fuck Deadboy, Spike.  Spike?"

"No, Xan, you don't fuck Angelus.  He fucks you."

"This isn't funny, Spike," said Xander.

"No, I know it isn't," answered Spike.

"Shit, you're serious!" said Xander in a shocked voice.

"The admittance ceremony is carried out in private for a reason, Xander.  Angelus acknowledges you as his Childe.  It's all about bloodlines.  A Sire has the rights of sex, blood and death over a Childe.  Your Sire made you, and they can destroy you - that's the Lore."

"But you and Angel hate each other, and Angelus..."

"That's different," said Spike.  "The soul fucked everything up, Xan.  That maniac who tried to end the world wasn't Angelus, I don't know what the fuck was going on there.  And I don't owe a damn thing to that ponce, Angel.  Angelus is a different matter."

Xander immediately brightened.  "The soul!  Yeah, with Deadboy having the soul, no one is going to expect him to perform the ceremony thing, right?  So we don't have to worry about it, do we?"  Spike shuffled his chair even closer to Xander's, and took hold of Xander's hands, rubbing the wedding ring with his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully.  He looked up, caught Xander's eyes, and held his gaze.

"Doesn't work that way, Xan.  Angelus already knows.  Whether Angel knows too or not, I don't know.  I still have a blood bond to my Sire, Xander, and me taking a consort is not something that is going to go unnoticed, know what I mean?  If we don't go to him, he will come to us, eventually."

"But he might not, if the soul doesn't let him, yeah?"

Spike sighed again.  "I suppose it's possible.  We can leave it for the time being, anyway.  There's no rush.  We have a year to get his approval.  And anyway, Angelus is the one who'd kill us if he doesn't do it, so it'll work out either way, really."

"Yeah," said Xander thoughtfully.  "OK.  Just for argument's sake, suppose he does come here and we have to perform the ceremony and stuff.  What's involved - and tell me all of it, Spike."

"Not much to tell, really.  Basically, we get naked, we share blood, he takes us if he wants to, he says the words, end of story."

"What?  He bites me too!  And I can't refuse?"

"Childer don't refuse their Sires anything, Xan.  Ever."

"What?  He can do it again if he wants?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't usually happen.  It's usually purely ceremonial.  Especially when their Childe is a Master in their own right."

"Oh, I feel so much better now."

"Xander," said Spike in a weary voice.

"What!?  Fuck, Spike.  You're always pulling this shit!  You didn't tell me about the bond until afterwards.  When was I going to find out about this?  When Deadboy bends me over and sticks his fangs in my neck!"

"Fuck, no!  But when was I supposed to talk to you about this, eh?  We've only been living together for just over a week, and it's been one fucking disaster after another.  This is not something that's going to happen tomorrow, Xan.  We've got plenty of time, and I was going to talk to you about it once things had settled down a bit.  Now will you bloody well calm down!  The soul is in control, so the chances of anything more than a little blood sharing happening are pretty small, and even that might not happen."

"Jeez, Spike..."

"Would it have made any difference?  Would you have refused to bond with me if you'd known about this?"  asked Spike.

"What?  Of course not!"  Xander sighed.  Leaned back in his seat, found himself fiddling with his wedding ring.  "Spike, I love you.  I just feel like I should have known this stuff up front."

"Xan, I had every intention of talking to you about all these things.  But it's like I've been ambushed every step of the way.  I haven't deliberately hidden anything from you - it's just that you seem to have stumbled across everything before I managed to tell you.  That's all."

Sitting quietly, drinking his beer, Xander actually had to agree.  It seemed like they were living in one of those dumb sit-coms, where misunderstandings and disasters happen with annoying frequency.

"You're right.  It's quite funny, when you think about it.  But if there's anything else I need to know, can you please tell me, now?"

Spike huffed in frustration.  "Xan, I don't know what you need to know.  As things come up, I'll tell you.  That's the best I can do.  There's nothing major that I can think of, but I can't promise that there aren't other things that I don't even know that you don't know."  Xander sat for a moment trying to untangle the sentence, then smiled.  "Ok." 

Spike reached across and grabbed Xander, pulling him into his lap.  "You're my world, pet.  Don't ever forget that.  You're mine, and I love you."




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