Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Spoilers: Vague allusion to Season 4 Buffy, AU.
Thanks: To Ria and Metaforgirl - you guys rock! To Mys, for the yummy pic. And to Ngaio for joining Yindagger the Wise in wielding the pointy beta stick!
Disclaimer: If they were mine, much fun would be had! Alas they belong to Joss. If I could make money out of this I would be a happy little soul! Not happening in this lifetime!





Secrets


by
Edibbea



1
Secrets


"Xaaanderrr..."  A soft voice, murmuring in his ear.  "Time to wake up now."

Xander tried to bat the annoying voice away, but his arms wouldn't move.

"What the... Spike?  What?"  Xander was now very awake, and aware that he couldn't move - he appeared to be tied, spreadeagled, to the bed.  And he was naked.  Spike was sitting next to him on the bed, lightly stroking his chest.

"Spike!  You...  What the fuck are you doing?  I'm gonna stake your ass so fast..." 

"I know a secret," said Spike, in a sing-song voice.  "I could smell it, you know.  But no-one else knows, do they?  Did you really think I wouldn't smell the blood - or were you counting on me doing just that?"  Spike continued stroking Xander's chest, his fingers circling his nipples again and again.   Xander started struggling, pulling hard against the ropes that held him down.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.  And anyway, fangless, you can't do anything to me.  Try anything and that chip will so fry your brain - so game over - you might as well untie me.  The girls will come to find me if I don't show..."

"Shhh, pet."  Spike put a finger on Xander's lips to stem the flow of words.  His fingers moved to Xander's arm, and traced the many silvery lines there.  One or two scars were still fresh.  "At first, I thought you were just one of those sad fucks who cut themselves when they can't cope.  But that's not it, is it?"  He stared into Xander's eyes.  Xander flinched and shut his eyes, shaking his head slightly as fear flooded through him.  God, if he tells the girls...

"No!  I mean no, I don't know what you're talking about."  Don't panic, keep calm - he can't know anything, really.  Just...his touch... "And get your filthy hands off me!"  Spike continued talking, as though Xander hadn't said a word.

"I figured it out, you see.  You get off on it, don't you?  The blood, and the pain - it really does it for you, eh whelp?  But that's not all you want, is it?"  Spike pressed hard on a partially-healed wound, splitting it open again, and Xander groaned.  He felt his cock start to stir. Oh fuck no, not now...

"See now, that should have hurt me a lot more that it would have hurt you - but you know what?  Not a twinge.  I knew it was only a matter of time before the Watcher dumped me on you, 'cos they all dump on you sooner or later, eh?  So I waited, and planned my move.  'Cos I know what you want."  Spike brought his lips to the wound, and sucked gently.  Xander threw his head back, oh fuck, fuck...  His cock was growing hard.  This can't be happening...  As Spike continued to suck on the wound, he worried the edges gently with his teeth to keep the blood flowing.  Xander felt like he was losing his mind.  He was now painfully hard, and his cock was dripping onto his stomach.  Spike lifted his head to look at Xander again, licking the blood from his lips.  He bent his head again and licked the wound, this time to close it.

"I could smell the arousal coming off you in waves when the Watcher explained how Masters feed - how I feed.  I could feel your eyes on me.  Seduction."  He drew the word out, savouring it.  "It's an art form, Xander, a seduction.  To make them want you so much they'll beg you to take them, in any way you want.  To discover their deepest, darkest desires..."  Spike brought his mouth to Xander's ear, and whispered, "Do you want me to feed from you as I fuck you, Xander?"

A groan escaped Xander's lips as a bolt of pure arousal shot throught him, causing him to buck against the restraints.

"Oh yes, you do, don't you?  To feel my mouth around your cock; to feel my cock deep inside you.  And the pain and the pleasure of my fangs in your neck..."  The whispered words were driving Xander into a frenzy.

"Oh Jesus, Spike... Please..."  Spike looked thoughtfully at Xander, then stood up and picked up a small, sharp knife he'd placed on the side-table.  Oh fuck, thought Xander, if he touches me with that I'm gonna come.  Spike walked around the bed and cut the ropes that were holding him.  Xander lay there in shock, unmoving.  Spike leant down and whispered in his ear again, "Oh I will, Xander, I will.  But I don't think you want it enough yet.  I want you to think about this.  And next time I won't need to tie you down, will I?" He spun round, grabbed his duster and headed for the door.

"Well, I've got to go.  You know how it is, places to go, people to see."  He looked Xander square in the eye.  "And I will be back."  With a grin, he opened the door and disappeared into the night.





2
Secrets and Lies

As the door slammed shut behind Spike, Xander groaned and slowly sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  The rope loops were still tight around his ankles and wrists, and as he looked at them he felt his flagging erection start to throb to life again.  The feel of the rough restraints was...  He worked them off, desperately trying to ignore what he was feeling, to keep his mind blank. He flung the four cut pieces of rope across the room with a sob.  Grabbing the quilt from where Spike had thrown it to the floor, he wrapped it around himself, and lay curled up on the bed.  "Don't think about it, don't think about it," he chanted like a mantra.  But his last thought as he drifted into an exhausted sleep was, "What the fuck am I gonna do?"

The next few days passed in a feverish blur.  Xander was certain that he could feel Spike watching him, even in broad daylight.  He felt like he was losing his mind.  And he couldn't stop thinking about what Spike had said, and what he had done.  Spike hadn't returned to the basement, and Xander found himself lying to the girls and Giles, telling them that the vampire was securely locked in, and that there was no need for them to bother about him.  What else could he say?  'Hey, yeah, Spike tied me up, offered me every fantasy I've ever had, and then walked out - haven't seen him since.'  Yeah, that'd go down real well.

By the afternoon of the fourth day since Spike took off, when he met up with the gang at Giles' place as arranged, Xander felt as strung out as a junkie desperate for the next fix. 

"So how's it going, Xander?  The evil-undead bothering you too much?" Buffy asked with a smile.  Xander forced a smile onto his face.  "No, no problems, Buff.  Just keep him tied him to the chair and ignore him, you know."  And how the fuck had he managed to get the ropes untied?  Spike hadn't cut them because he'd used those same ropes to tie Xander to the bed when he... don't think about it, not now... 

"Hey, Xan - you OK?  You've gone really pale," said Willow, a look of concern crossing her face. 

"Yeah, Wills - I'm fine, really.  Just a little tired is all, not sleeping well."

"Spike being a pain, huh?  Never mind, only a few more days and then you can give him back to Giles."

"If he'll take him," said Buffy.  "I think he's quite relieved to get rid of him.  Oh, do you have enough blood?"  Xander stared at Buffy blankly as the image of lips and teeth and a cool mouth sucking and sucking hit him like a sledgehammer. 

"Whoa, Xander!"  Buffy caught him as he started to fall, and half-carried him to the couch.  "Here, put your head down and try to breathe slowly..." Buffy caught Willow's eye with a questioning look, but Willow shrugged and shook her head slightly - she had no idea what was up with Xander.  Giles walked out of the kitchen, carrying the cans of soda the children had requested. 

"Yes, Xander, thank you for taking Spike at such short notice, I...  Goodness, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," mumbled Xander.  "Just a bit tired, and I think I probably need something to eat."

"I can make you a sandwich.  Just drink your soda - won't take a minute."  Despite Xander's protests, Giles quickly made him a sandwich and watched him eat it.  Xander was growing desperate - he had to get out of here, away from the scrutiny of his friends. He'd been avoiding them - barely spoken to them for days now.  They were watching him with concern, and Xander tried to soothe everyone. 

"Thanks, G-man, feeling much better now," he said with a smile.  "I think I'll just head off and get some rest."

"I think you should.  And don't bother about patrol tonight."  Giles cleared his throat, "Um, if Spike is causing you problems, Xander..."

"The bleached menace?  Hell no, no problems at all - everything's fine."  Please let me pull this off...

"Well, that's good.  I must confess to being relieved not to have to listen to his continual complaints.  Oh, I'll give you some more blood.  Let me just pack it into a cooler for you."  Giles headed off into the kitchen again.  Willow sat next to Xander, and tucked her arm through his.  "Are you sure you're OK, Xan?  Want me and Buffy to walk you home - make sure you get there OK?"  God, no...

"Nah, I'll be fine."  Xander grabbed the cooler and headed for the door.  "I'll catch up with you guys later, OK?" he said, and made good his escape.


~*~*~*~*~


The sun was just starting to set as Xander opened his front door.  He walked in slowly, searching for some evidence that Spike had come back, as he had every evening for the past three days, but the place was just as he'd left it.  He was going to have to come up with some story to explain Spike's disappearance soon.  He dumped the blood into the fridge, straightened up the bed, and then decided to take a shower.

The hot water cascaded over him as he soaped himself leisurely.  As he washed his arms, he saw that the scar where Spike had... anyway, it was completely  healed.  He tried to blank his mind again, but his treacherous thoughts rebelled.  He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against the cool tiles, willing his thoughts to still.  But his hand strayed to his cock as the events of that night began a slow-motion replay in his head, as they had every night since it happened.  The thing was... the thing was that Spike was right.  He did want it.  And the fact that Spike had been able to hurt him and feed from him without getting zapped was the final proof - if Xander hadn't wanted it, it couldn't have happened.  And that scared the shit out of him, even as the thought brought him to orgasm.

He'd tried so hard to be what Buffy and Willow and Giles expected him to be. The Xan-man, the clown, lousy choice in girlfriends, butt of many jokes, bringer of donuts.   He'd denied himself the pleasure he got from looking at other men - stomped it down hard and locked it in the box marked 'repress this'.  This same box held his gut-wrenching desire for Spike.  The shock of wanton lust he had felt on learning about how master vampires seduced and dominated their victims had almost pushed him over the edge.  But the thought of the others looking at him with disgust was just... So he sniped at Spike and kept his distance, and used the handcuffs and the bright, shiny and above all sharp knife when it threatened to overwhelm him... 

Fuck, he couldn't take it anymore.  He was living a lie, and it was driving him insane.  He felt torn in two.  He couldn't bear to lose the friendship and respect of his friends, but how long could he continue denying who he was?  And as he stood under the rapidly cooling water, he finally reached a decision.  With crystal clarity, he suddenly just knew.   Enough was enough.  He would take everything Spike would give him,  if he would just come back.


~*~*~*~*~


He woke to find that candles had been scattered around the surfaces of his room. And Spike was standing there, watching him in the flickering gloom.

"No ropes this time?" asked Xander.

"No need this time," answered Spike, softly.  "unless you want them."  He didn't miss the blast of arousal that came from Xander as he uttered the words.  So, bondage as well?  Spike added this to the list of things that would make up the unique form of seduction he would use on Xander tonight.

"Look at me, Xander," he said, and Xander lifted his eyes to Spike's.  "Have you been thinking about this, pet?" he asked.  Xander nodded, mutely.  "Do you want this?"  As Xander stared at him, Spike raised his hand.  "There's no going back.  You will belong to me - you will be mine, completely.  Do you understand?  If I take you, you stay taken."

A small war broke out in Xander's head:

'Tell him to fuck off.  Just throw him out now, and my life is back to normal.  No more lying to the girls and Giles.' 

'Just lying to myself instead.  And I've already made my decision.' 

'No.  I'll lose my friends, and my life as it is now will be over, ruined.' 

'But I don't think I can live like that anymore, not for anyone.  And how do I know they'll reject me?'

'Who am I kidding?  The gay thing, yeah maybe.  The domination-y thing - let's not go there.  The lusting after a vampire thing, with the fangs and the blood - we're talking stakes at sunset, recriminations, shouting and screaming...'

'I could keep it a secret.'

'Yeah, 'cos I'm so good at that... look at what happened this afternoon.  And I haven't even done anything yet.'

'And isn't that the story of my life.'

'But suppose this is just some evil plan to turn me, and use me against the others.'

'He could have done that the first night.... I wouldn't have stopped him, and he knew it... and... Jeez, I want this.  And I want him... I've wanted him for so long...' 

Suddenly something in Xander shattered, and everything he'd repressed for like, forever, came spilling out.  And then there was no decision to be made.  He smiled weakly, swallowed hard and said, "Yes, I want you."

Spike had waited patiently while the internal Xander-babble resolved itself.  He nodded, not missing the slip Xander had made in his reply, and said,  "Then take your clothes off, pet, I want to see you."

Without further thought, Xander found himself standing up and stripping off his t-shirt and drawstring pants, so that he stood naked in the flickering candlelight in front of Spike.  Spike walked around him, touching his belly, his cock, his arm, sliding his hand down his back.  "You are so beautiful naked, pet.  I knew you would be.  I will enjoy you very much," he said in a soft, low voice that vibrated through Xander like a tuning fork.

"Now come here and kneel at my feet, pet," Spike said, silkily.  'Fuck, no!' said a small annoying voice, but still Xander found himself on his knees, his arms hanging loosely by his sides.  Xander told the voice to fuck off, and not come back.  After all, this was what he wanted, what he needed, so why the hell fight it anymore. 

Spike's voice broke into Xander's thoughts.  "You want to please me, don't you, pet."  It was a statement, not a question, and Xander found himself nodding.  He did want to please Spike.  Because then he would get what he had denied himself.  And because it was Spike.  Spike's soft words seemed to envelop Xander, and he found himself wanting to sink into the silken voice.  Spike reached down and gently stroked his cheek.  "I know you haven't done anything like this before.  It pleases me that I'll be the first one you've ever sucked off, and that I'll be the first one to fuck that pretty arse of yours.  And pet, I will be the only one, ever."  Xander's mouth grew suddenly dry, and he swallowed hard.  His heart was hammering in his chest.

"Unbutton me and take out my cock," said Spike, his voice still soft, but with a note of steel behind it that hadn't been there before.  Xander reached up with trembling hands and carefully did as he was bid.  Spike helped him push the jeans down his thighs, as his shaking hands couldn't quite seem to manage.  Spike was hard - and big...  He'd seen pictures, of course, in magazines, of men doing... that.  You can't even say the words in your head, can you?' his thoughts mocked him.  'Fucking, they were fucking.  How are you going to do it if you can't even think it?  Xander had to concede that point, but surely something that big couldn't fit...  His thoughts were interrupted again by Spike's soothing tones.  "You're looking worried, pet.  There's nothing to be worried about.  When the time comes, you'll want it, and you'll be ready.  Now, take me in one hand and lick me."

Xander took a deep breath, wrapped his hand around Spike's cool cock, and moved his lips to the head.  He brought his tongue out and licked gently at the tip.  The clear fluid he licked off was salty and...something else he couldn't quite place.  "Now open your mouth and take me in.  I want to see what you can do."  Xander opened his mouth, and Spike pushed a little way in. 'Finally!' said an irreverent voice in Xander's head, and Xander could only agree. 

He started to suck, and Spike said, "Put your hands on my hips, pet, and leave them there.  Don't touch yourself."  Spike placed his hands on Xander's shoulders, then started to thrust gently into his mouth.  Xander opened his mouth wider, and swirled his tongue around experimentally.  "Yeah, that's nice pet.  Do that again."  Xander sucked, and swirled his tongue, and moved his head around, trying to find the best angle.  Then Spike stopped moving, and stepped closer to Xander, who had to move his head back slightly to avoid being choked.  "Now, you move your head, forwards and backwards, and try to get me in as deep as you can.  I want to feel your lips at the base of my cock, and you swallowing around me.  Can you do that for me?"  Spike smiled to himself as Xander complied.  He knew the boy wanted him, but he hadn't realised how strong his need to be dominated was - the wave of arousal that hit him when he used his 'Master' voice had almost knocked him over.

Xander bobbed his head up and down, taking Spike in a little further each time,  swallowing as he did, until he felt Spike's wiry curls brush his chin.  He found it hard to open his throat to the hard cock without choking, but he pushed his head further and further down, wanting to swallow Spike completely.  Spike's hands on his head stopped his movements, and then Spike began to thrust into his mouth again.  "I'm gonna come soon, pet," he said in a gravelly voice, "and I want you to swallow it all."  Xander groaned as a bolt of lust shot through him, and Spike shuddered - so he did it again.  His own cock was hard now, and he wished he could touch himself, but Spike had been quite specific about not doing so.  Suddenly Spike was groaning and spurting down his throat.  Xander swallowed reflexively, mildly surprised to feel his cock throbbing in sympathy - this whole thing was arousing him in a way he'd never felt before.

I'm on my knees in front of Spike.  I've just sucked his cock, and swallowed his cum.  And I enjoyed it.  Xander tried out these new and alien thoughts.  I want more, he decided, as Spike's cock softened a little and slipped from his lips.  As though he had been privy to these thoughts, Spike said, "So you enjoyed sucking me, pet?"  Xander nodded, "Yes, I..." he stopped, his language skills failing him.  Spike smiled at him. "Hush, pet, no talking.  Go and lie on the bed, there's a good boy." 

Xander got up from his knees, and laid on his back on the bed, arms by his side.  He watched Spike as he went to the side table and picked up some of the items there.  Spike was naked, and Xander wondered how the hell he'd managed to get undressed so quickly.  Spike walked over to the bed and looked down at Xander.  He ran his finger up Xander's hard cock, swirling the precum around the tip.  Xander groaned.

"You'd like to cum, wouldn't you pet?" said Spike.  Xander merely nodded.  "You will, but not just yet."  He slipped a leather band around the base of Xander's cock, and secured it tightly.  "This is a cock-ring.   It'll keep you hard until I'm ready for you to cum.  Like I said, you're mine now, pet, and you'll cum only when I say you can."  Xander groaned again, and another blast of pheromones hit Spike.  Definitely on the right track here, he thought.  He then tied Xander's hands to the headboard with a silken rope, and told him to open his legs.  Xander was so aroused he thought he'd die.  He'd imagined this, sure, but this was so much better than his fantasies.  This was real.  This was happening.

Spike tossed a tube of lube onto the bed next to Xander, making sure he could see it, and walked around the bed.  Xander's breathing became ragged as he focused on the tube.  I'm not ready for this yet, he thought to himself.  He raised panic-stricken eyes to Spike, who was kneeling between his legs.  "Shhh, pet," said Spike, stroking his thigh, "no need to panic.  I told you that when the time came you'd be ready, and you will.  Bend your knees up, and put your feet flat on the bed." 

Xander's back arched off the bed as he felt Spike's cool tongue lick up the length of his hot, aching cock, before plunging his mouth down, swallowing Xander in one stroke.  "Fuck," hissed Xander through gritted teeth, as all coherent thought flew out of his head.  The feeling of Spike licking and sucking his throbbing cock was overwhelming his senses, so it was a while before he noticed that something warm and wet was flowing over his balls and down his crack.  "Wha..." He looked over, and saw the tube of lube was gone.  Then he felt a cool finger, sliding down and circling his hole, rubbing across it, but not pressing in - yet.

Spike heard Xander's heartrate jump, and his breathing became even more ragged - felt me rubbing him and noticed the lube's gone, he thought.  Might as well make a start, then.  He swirled his finger around Xander's hole once more, and then plunged his finger inside.  Xander arched off the bed again, groaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain.  Spike stilled, and waited with bated breath for the chip to kick in - nothing.  So far, so good.

"You OK, pet?" Spike asked.  Xander just groaned and nodded slightly.  "Hurts," he whispered, "hurts, but it's good."  "Yeah, pet, I know.  Makes the pleasure more intense, doesn't it," said Spike, as he began to pump his finger in and out.  Xander nodded weakly as he gazed into Spike's eyes.   After a minute or two, Spike removed his finger, added more lube, and then pushed two in as he deep-throated Xander again, pumping them slowly as the boy arched and moaned beneath him.  Xander was sweating freely now, and thrashed his head from side to side.  "Need to cum, Spike," he said, his voice hoarse and needy, "need to cum now..."

"Shhh, pet.  Soon, very soon.  You're almost ready for me."  Spike withdrew his fingers again, added more lube, and this time thrust three in, hard, and then pumped them slowly while he licked and sucked Xander's dripping cock.  Xander tensed all over at the burning pain he felt as his sphincter was forced open wider, as Spike spread his fingers out while he pumped.   He groaned deeply.  The pain/pleasure was driving him crazy; he was finding it hard to separate them now, and every now and then Spike seemed to hit something deep inside him that caused sparks to go off in his head.

Suddenly everything stopped, and Spike was untying him.  "What... what's happening?  Don't stop now, please.  I need..."

"Not stopping pet.  Getting ready to start, and I don't want you tied up when I fuck you for the first time.  You will lie here and let me fuck you because you want to please me, not because you can't get away.  There'll be other times when I'll tie you down to fuck you, but not tonight.  The first time's always hard, pet. There's always pain when you break in a virgin.  It'd be easier for you on your knees, but I need you on your back tonight.  I think you can take it."

Spike's words made Xander shiver, and not simply because he'd used 'that' voice again.  He licked his lips and swallowed.  "I... I don't... please, I'm not..." His voice cracked, and he sounded so - desperate.   The smell of fear mixed with arousal was a powerful aphrodisiac to Spike, who smiled, and stroked Xander's hair. "You really have no choice," he whispered, "it's what I want."  He picked up one of the pillows that had fallen to the floor, and tucked it under Xander's hips.  He spread Xander's thighs, moving his legs as far to each side as they would go.  Somewhere in his head, Xander felt vaguely ridiculous, like a Thanksgiving turkey waiting to be stuffed.  He could feel hysterical laughter bubbling up.  Getting up and walking away never once crossed his mind.

Spike knelt between Xander's spread thighs, slowly lubricating his cock as Xander watched him, his eyes wide, panting in a mix of fear and lust.  Spike wanted to draw this moment out, savour it.  Taking Xander for the first time was something to be savoured.  And if he was wrong about how far this fucking chip would let him go, well, he'd soon find out. 

Spike placed the head of his cock at Xander's entrance.  He pushed forward slightly, slipped the head into Xander's hole and stopped at his pained groan, letting him adjust.  Spike knew he was big, and that he'd have to take this slowly. Taking his weight on his hands, Spike began to slowly rock forwards and backwards, watching Xander's face carefully.  As he sank into the silken fire of his boy, he could see Xander biting his lip hard, muffling his sobs and groans as the pain of Spike's thick cock forcing its way inside him grew harder to take.  Spike leant forward and licked Xander's chest, nibbling and sucking on his nipples as he continued to sink deeper and deeper into him.  Suddenly, it seemed, he felt his balls press against Xander's arse.  "You're inside me - you're right inside me," Xander croaked, gasping and panting against the pain as his muscles fought to adjust to the intrusion.  It felt like a baseball bat had been driven into him.  Spike sighed with relief.  Not even a spark from the chip. "Yeah, pet, I'm inside you.  And now I'm going to fuck you."  He put his lips to Xander's ear and whispered, "Do you want me to feed from you as I fuck you, Xander?"  Xander gasped as the words sparked through him like an electric shock - those words had haunted him, teasing and taunting him in his dreams.  He groaned, and admitted what he couldn't the first time Spike had asked.  "Yes.  Please."

Spike felt a shudder run through him upon hearing Xander's words.  Placing his  hands on either side of Xander's head, he pulled out, and thrust in hard.  Xander was shaking and moaning beneath him, drowning in the sensations wracking his body; the stretching, burning pain and the desperate need to cum.  Spike continued to thrust, changing the angle several times until Xander arched and cried out as Spike hit his sweet spot.  Found it, thought Spike to himself, as he began to thrust against it again and again.  Xander was thrusting back against Spike now, tossing his head from side to side and moaning constantly.  Spike slammed his cock deeply into Xander, faster and harder, as he felt his climax approaching.   Xander was muttering incoherently now, but Spike could make out the pleas and the begging to be allowed to cum. 

Spike leant further forward, still thrusting, to nuzzle at Xander's neck, nipping and licking, then he reached down to loosen the cock-ring, and pulled it off.  Spike was very close now, and knew that Xander would cum any second.  It was time.  He wrapped his hand firmly around Xander's cock and, changing into game face, he sank his fangs into Xander's neck, just above where it met his shoulder.  At the same time he slammed himself deeply into Xander as Xander thrust hard into his hand.

Xander howled and arched himself against Spike; the rock hard cock slamming into him, the sharp fangs deep in his flesh and the feel of Spike sucking as he fed from him drove him over the edge, and his orgasm hit him with the force of a hurricane.  Waves of pleasure washed over him again and again, and he felt his hot cum pumping onto his stomach as Spike continued to slam into him.  Suddenly he felt Spike spasming above him, and pulses of cool cum bathed and cooled his burning insides.   After a minute or two, Spike gently withdrew his fangs, licking at his mark, soothing and healing it.  His softening cock slipped out of Xander's hole, and he fell onto his side next to the boy, who was still panting and gasping for air.  As Xander's breathing quietened, Spike pulled him into his arms and kissed him softly.  He licked away his tears, nibbled gently at his lips, licking until Xander parted them, and then kissed him again, slowly and deeply, swirling his tongue around, exploring.  Xander could taste his own blood, and found himself responding, kissing Spike with every bit of passion he'd repressed for so long.  Spike drew his head back to gaze into Xander's eyes.  Then he pulled him close, resting Xander's head on his chest, gently stroking his hair.  The look he had seen in Xander's eyes was one of contentment and happiness.  Xander lay quietly in Spike's arms, gradually drifting off to sleep.  Spike could have sworn he heard Xander mumble 'love you' as he nuzzled his chest.  Spike's last thought as he drifted off, still petting Xander's hair was, "Mine."





3
Secrets and Revelations

Xander woke slowly.  He felt - good.  Better than good, in fact - he felt great.  He gradually became aware of a deep ache low in his body, and another ache in his neck.  And there were arms wrapped around him.  Someone was lying behind him...  And suddenly his head was full of images: on his knees, swallowing Spike's cock; on his back, Spike sucking him; ropes and a cockring; lube and stretching and burning; Spike fucking him...  Spike's cock slamming into him and Spike's fangs sinking into his neck, and the incredible sucking sensation that pushed him over the edge into the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced in his entire life.  Xander gasped as the images hit him with a physical force.  He felt shattered into tiny bits.  Pieces of him were going into total denial; other pieces were wondering what the fuck he'd done, and the rest just wanted to do it again and again and...  He felt the arms around him tighten, and he could feel Spike's lips moving against his neck as he said, "Awake are we, pet?"

"Spike, I..."  Xander was lost for words.  He felt panic sweep over him.  His heart was pounding; he had to get out, now.  Get away from... everything. He was losing his mind.  He had to think.  He began to struggle, but Spike held him firmly, and he couldn't move an inch.

"Spike, let me go.  I have to go."

"No, pet, you don't.  Just lie quietly and calm down.  Panic is rolling off you in waves, Xan.  It's so strong I can taste it.  If you leave now, you'll do something stupid.  So I'm not letting you go."  Spike had that tone to his voice again, and somehow the actual words didn't really matter.  Spike asserted his authority, and Xander found himself lying still in acquiescence.

"How do you do that, Spike?  How do you do that, that... voice thingy?  It makes me just... I can't think when you use it, and..."  Xander gave up in exasperation at having degenerated into Xander-babble.  Spike's lips were still on Xander's neck, and he felt them curve into a smile.

"That's the voice of a Master Vampire, pet.  We use it to train fledges.  We use it to control our court, and sometimes we use it to seduce humans that we want."

"And you used it with me, because..."  Xander's voice faltered.  He felt Spike's lips on his ear.  The Master Vampire spoke softly, in a voice with steel behind it. "I used it on you because I wanted you, Xander.  I wanted you, and I took you, and now you're mine."  And the voice brooked no argument.  As it was stated, so it was.  And even as his panic screamed at him in the recesses of his mind, Xander heard himself groan, felt himself push back against Spike, felt his cock begin to harden.  Felt the hard cock against his ass, and wanted... just wanted.

Spike felt the panic recede, to be replaced by a rush of arousal.  He began to tease Xander's nipples with one hand, and slipped the other down to his cock.  "Fuck, Spike.  How do you make me feel like this?"  asked Xander.  Spike flipped Xander over so they were facing each other and pulled him close, their cocks sliding together sensuously.  Xander closed his eyes and swallowed hard at the rush of lust and other feelings that flooded over him.  "Look at me, pet," said Spike.  Xander opened his eyes again, and found himself falling into crystal blue depths.  "You've wanted me for a long time, and you've wanted this for even longer, haven't you?  And you know why I can make you feel this way."  And yes, he knew.   "Tell me," said Spike.  "I..." Xander's voice cracked.  He swallowed again.  Their locked gaze never faltered.  He took a deep breath, and tried again.  "I've wanted you, wanted this for a very long time.  And I know why you can make me feel this way.  It's because I... I lo- care for you."  The last three words were whispered on an exhalation, and there was that almost-word from Xander again.  Spike's eyes kept him pinned in place.  "And?"  he prompted.  "And..."  Xander suddenly smiled.  "And you care for me, don't you?  In a dominant-y Master Vampire-y kinda way."

"Now you're getting it," said Spike.  "Make no mistake, you're mine.  And I care about and protect what's mine.  And I don't let it go, Xan, not ever."  Spike crushed his boy to him in a bruising kiss as his hands roamed the muscled body, stroking here, pinching there, and Xander swore he could feel his brain oozing out of his ears.  "You don't need to go anywhere.  You belong with me.  Gonna fuck you again, Xan.  Gonna bury my cock in your arse and feel you clench around me and writhe under me.  That's where you belong, Xander.  Under me as I fuck you, or on your knees as you suck me.  I can make it hurt so good, pet.  I can give you everything you need.  And I want to give you everything you need."

And what do you do when you get an offer like that?  You take it.  You grab it with both hands and you hang on tight.  Except...

"What about Buffy, Spike?  And Wills, and Giles and - what about the rest of my life?"

Spike sighed and rolled onto his back, leaving Xander feeling bereft.  He snuggled closer, and the vampire wrapped an arm around him. 

"Yeah, Slayer could be a bit of a problem.  Obviously you can keep your friends, pet, but the rest of your life belongs to me.  And the first thing we're gonna do is move out of this shit-hole of a basement.  We'll worry about the Slayer and the rest of her minions later."  Xander was stunned.  "Move out?  Well - actually I'd love to, but the green folding stuff is in short supply, Spike.  How do I pay for this up and moving-ey type activity?"

"You don't.  I do.  I told you, I take care of what's mine.  And I already have a place.  It's all sorted.  We'll be in there tonight."

"Er, I really don't want to move into a crypt, Spike..." 

Spike snorted.  "Don't be bloody stupid, pet.  You don't live as long as I have without accumulating a few quid, and acquiring a few things here and there.  Just 'cos you lot don't know about it, doesn't mean it isn't there, you know."

"But what about Buffy paying you for information?"

"Think I'd give it away for free?  Anyway, doesn't pay to let your enemies know how strong you are.  And I'm sure as hell not telling the Slayer that I've got more dosh than she'll ever see in her lifetime!"

Common sense suddenly reasserted itself, and Xander blurted out, "But how do I explain to them that I'm moving, and I'm taking you with me, and you're not tied to a chair any more?"

"Let's take things one at a time, eh pet?  We'll get some of your stuff packed up; all you need is a few personal things, I've taken care of everything else.  If it looks like you're still living here, that's not a bad thing for now.  Oh, and you can quit that crappy job today as well.  Just let the others believe you were fired again.  You were only on morning shift today, yes?"

Xander was stunned.  Spike seemed to know every facet of his life.  "Um, yeah but, quit?  I..."  He was silenced with a kiss.  "Xander, don't argue with me.  Go to your job.  Quit.  Go to the Scooby meeting; tell them everything is fine.  Come back here, pack, and when it's dark we'll go.  Got that?"

Xander nodded, feeling very confused.  Spike wrapped his arms around him tightly, and kissed him gently.  "I know you're feeling confused, pet.  And once we're settling in tonight, we will be having a long talk about how things are going to be.  But for now stop worrying, OK?  Go and have a shower.  You've got things to do and I need to catch up on my sleep.  I'll see you tonight, pet."  And with that, Spike rolled over, closed his eyes, and appeared to fall asleep instantly.  Xander sighed and got out of bed.  He had no idea why he was letting Spike tell him what to do - but he had no intention of doing anything but what he'd been told.

Spike lay quietly, listening to his human getting ready for the day.  He was fairly certain that Xander would do as he had said, and Spike was feeling the quiet triumph of someone whose plans had finally come to fruition.  He was determined to get Xander away from this basement.  Dealing with the Slayer was something he had already given considerable thought to, but there was no need for Xander to know about that just yet.


~*~*~*~*~


Nightfall found them walking into an apartment building in the older part of Sunnydale.  At the end of the corridor was a door marked 'Utility'.  Spike walked towards it and got out a keyring.  Xander followed, carrying the few bags that held the things he couldn't bear to leave behind.

"We're gonna be living in a utility room?" asked Xander, thinking he'd be better off in his basement.  Except he wouldn't have Spike there, and the thought of being parted from the vampire made him feel cold all over.

"Idiot," muttered Spike, as he opened the door.  It was, indeed, a utility room.  But Spike walked to the back shelf and motioned to Xander.  "See this?" he said, pointing to what looked like a light switch.  It slid out of the way as he pushed down on it, and there was a keyhole behind it.  Spike used his key, and the back section of the wall swung open.  "This is the front door.  Come on, pet.  Follow me."

Xander could see nothing.  The bare bulb in the utility closet provided very little light, and he blindly followed Spike.  Suddenly light flooded the room they had walked into.  Xander gasped.  It was an apartment.  They were standing in a hallway, leading to a large living area.  "I'll give you the guided tour, pet," said Spike.  Xander was speechless as Spike led him from one beautifully furnished room to another. There were two bedrooms.  One was a double, and one was - well absolutely humungous, with an ensuite bathroom that included an enormous spa tub.  Spike told Xander to leave his bags in that one, and continued the tour.  He showed him the study, another bathroom, the kitchen, a dining room and the enormous lounge room.  There was one more door, but Spike walked past it and said nothing.  Xander made a mental note to ask him about it later.  There were no windows anywhere, but there was an abundance of lighting.  Spike demonstrated, with the aid of a bank of switches on the wall, how to adjust the lighting to get anything from a full daylight effect to a subtle soft glow, 'romantic,' thought Xander, and giggled to himself.

They finished up back in the kitchen.  "So, what d'ya think of the place, pet?"

"It's unbelievable!  Not at all what I expected."

Spike chuckled.  "What did you expect?"

"I... I'm not sure, but it sure as hell wasn't something as great as this place."  Xander stopped as a thought struck him.  "You have got cable, haven't you, Spike?"

"Yeah, I've got cable.  You won't miss yer shows, Xan."

"If this is yours, Spike, why weren't you living here?  I mean, this place is great!"

"I had other uses for it, pet.  But it's home now.  Anyway, eat, then we'll get you settled."

Spike had taken a pizza out of the freezer and microwaved it. While it was heating he got out a couple of cold beers. They shared the pizza, and then sat drinking their beers in companionable silence.  As Xander sat there, he found himself contemplating the events of the past few days with something akin to shellshock.  It had all happened so fast...  Spike's voice broke into his thoughts.  "I can hear the wheels turning, pet.  What's on your mind?"  Xander found himself blushing.  How the hell did Spike do that.  "Um, I was just thinking, y'know, how fast this has all happened."  He looked surprised when Spike burst out laughing.  "Fast?  I've been planning this since Angelus gave you to me at the High School!"

Xander was stunned.  "You've wanted me that long?  That was before you were chipped, Spike."  Xander was silent for a moment, thinking. "Were you planning on turning me?"  he asked, not sure he was going to like the answer.

Spike looked at him carefully.  "At first, yes.  But once I started to find out more about you, that changed.  What happened last night would have happened even if the chip was gone."

Xander looked uncomfortable again.  "Yeah, about last night.  I..."

"You have questions," stated Spike.

"Yeah, I do.  I mean, I've read some stuff, y'know, there's..." Xander was stumbling over his words, knowing what he wanted to say, but not wanting to upset Spike and lose what he'd gained. 

The vampire reached across the table and took his hand.  "Xander, listen to me.  You have a right to ask any questions you want.  I'm not going to get angry with you and throw you out, understand?"  Xander nodded.  "OK then, pet.  Take a deep breath and spit it out."

"The stuff I've read.  These guys, they're like slave and master, y'know, and..." his voice faltered again. 

"Right.  You want that?" asked Spike.

"Hell no!  I mean, no.  I don't want to live my whole life like that.  It's just, y'know, in bed and stuff."  Xander was bright red by this time, and staring at the floor, tabletop, anywhere but at Spike.

"Thank god for that." 

Xander looked up in surprise.  "I thought maybe you were, like, y'know wanting that," he managed to say.

"No, Xan," explained Spike.  "That's more an S and M thing, and that's really not where we're going here.  Look, you've been filling your head with all sorts of things, a fair bit of which will have nothing to do with how we'll live.  But you also need more than a bit of role-play from time to time.  You're pretty directionless, Xander, and you're swayed by the dominant personality in any given situation.  Don't forget, I've been observing you closely for a long time, pet.  I know you better than you know yourself.  You'll buck against things every now and then, but mostly you just go with the flow and do as you're told.  I told you we were going to talk tonight, and we are.  But not in the kitchen.  We'll take this somewhere more comfortable."


~*~*~*~*~


Spike led Xander into the master bedroom.  There were two comfortable armchairs pulled in front of a fireplace, which held a gas-fired faux open fire.  He gestured for Xander to sit down, and went to a small bar that was set up in the alcove next to the fireplace.  He took out a bottle of JD and two glasses, and poured them a hefty drink each.  He then turned on the fire, and switched off almost all the lights in the room, leaving only electric candle-light flickering from fixtures set on the wall on either side of the bed.

He gave Xander his drink, then sat in the other chair and stared into the flickering flames.  "I've been watching you for a long time, pet.  At first it was simply the challenge.  How dare Angelus offer me something and then think it doesn't count.  And make no mistake, pet.  It wasn't Angel who offered you.  It was the demon.  The soul may not have meant anything by it, but the demon certainly bloody did.  He saw something in you that he knew I would want.  Bastard was always pulling shit like that.  That's what drew my attention to you, and so I observed you, and I saw what Angelus saw, and I wanted it."  Spike took a long swallow of his whiskey, then continued, "At first, I really couldn't see any way I could get you willingly.  That was what I meant when I said I was going to turn you.  But then I started to see things. The way you looked at other men when you thought no one would notice.  Magazines you'd buy and then throw out in case anyone found them.  Those were particularly illuminating, pet." 

Spike looked up at Xander, who was halfway through his glass of whiskey and studiously avoiding looking in his direction.  "Then those soldier bastards chipped me.  And suddenly I had up close and personal contact with you.  So who says there's no silver lining, eh?"  Spike drained his glass and fetched the bottle from the bar, filling his glass again and topping up Xander's.  "And there it was, everything I needed to know.  I could smell the arousal coming from you, Xan, whenever I was around.  And the blast that hit me when you were talking to the Watcher about the habits of Master Vampires that time almost knocked me over.  And the clincher - the arousal seemed to build in you for days, then suddenly it was almost gone again.  But you smelled of fresh blood each time.  So I watched you, and discovered what you did with the knife. Did you know that you called my name every time you came?"  He looked up at Xander, who was staring into his glass. 

Xander shook his head slowly.  "No... No I didn't," he whispered, not raising his eyes from the amber liquid he was gazing into as though it held the meaning of life.

Spike took another long swallow of his whiskey.  "So I knew you wanted me.  And I knew what you wanted me to be for you.  So I made my plans, and then I made my move.  I'd slipped you a mild sleeping potion - that's why you didn't wake up when I stripped you and tied you to the bed.  I left you to think about it for a few days, and then last night I came back.  To take you."  Spike's voice had become low and husky, and his words felt like a velvet glove to Xander, wrapping themselves around him, stroking his cock into a throbbing hardness.  He groaned, and swallowed the rest of his whiskey in one swallow, trying to soothe his suddenly too-dry throat.  But Spike hadn't finished speaking yet.  "This isn't play acting, Xan.  This isn't about playing with a few ropes from time to time.  You are submissive in your whole life, not just the bedroom, and you need a dominant master to give you direction.  You've freely given yourself to me, Xander Harris, and I have freely taken you.  And that is not a responsibility I will take lightly.  And I will expect the same from you.  So there it is, Xan, now you know.  You can pick up your bags and leave now, and that will be the end of it.  If you stay, you stay for good.  I can't... I won't keep you against your will."

Xander put his glass down, and stood up.  He walked across to Spike, and stood looking at him in the flickering firelight for a long time.  Neither spoke.  Then he slowly sank to his knees, and stared into Spike's eyes.  "I want to stay, Spike.  Last night, I decided that I would take whatever you were willing to give, if you would just come back.  And you did."  Xander sighed.  "This is hard for me, Spike.  I've hidden this for so long, even from myself when I could.  I've tried so hard to really be the 'me' that I've projected to my friends.  It's hard to admit what you want - what you need, when it's not what your friends would consider 'normal', y'know?  But I felt things last night I've never felt before, and not just the sex.  I mean I felt safe, and happy, and loved."  

Spike saw Xander's eyes widen in shock as he realised what he had just said.  He smiled, and stroked Xander's cheek, cupping his chin to stop him averting his eyes again.  "That's good, pet.  I want you to feel safe, happy and loved.  Because you are."  Then he leant forward and kissed his boy gently on the lips.

Xander was stunned.  'Pinch me', he thought.  I don't get this lucky.  My life is not this good.  But he felt Spike's arms enfolding him, and his tongue seeking entrance to his mouth.  He parted his lips, and the kiss deepened.  I'm home, he thought to himself.

Spike slowly broke the passionate kiss, and leaned back in his chair, taking in the sight before him.  Xander on his knees, his hair dishevelled, his lips swollen from the kiss.  He was a breathtaking sight, and Spike wanted to see more of his boy.  He stood up, and began stripping the vision kneeling before him, slowly uncovering the bronzed skin.  Xander attempted to rise, but Spike pressed down on his shoulders, and he stayed on his knees, lifting them one at a time to help remove his pants.  When Xander was naked, Spike sat back down in the chair and just gazed at him.  His eyes travelled down his muscular shoulders and chest, down to his navel, and then settled on his cock, which was hard, the tip shiny as the precum slowly oozed out.

"It would please me to watch you cum, pet.  I want you to touch yourself.  Show me."

Xander flushed under the intent gaze.  He'd never done this for an audience before, but he wanted to do this for Spike.  His hands drifted down to his cock, and he grasped himself firmly, his thumb swirling the precum over the head.  He began pinching and stroking his nipples with his other hand, teasing them into hard pebbles.  That hand then drifted down, and began playing with his balls, rolling them and squeezing them as he began to pump his cock.  He moved his knees further apart, and raised himself up so that Spike had a good view.  He alternated pumping his cock with rubbing his thumb firmly over the head, spreading the precum around to add more lubrication.  Suddenly Spike's hand was on his arm, and he wordlessly handed him a tube of lube.  Xander opened it, and poured some into his hand.  He put the tube down and changed position, lying on his back with his knees bent and his legs spread as wide as they would go, opening himself up for Spike's viewing - for Spike's pleasure.  He spread the lube over his cock and balls, feeling it run down his crack as it began to warm.  He started pumping his cock harder, relishing the hot, slippery feeling.  With his other hand, he massaged his balls again, and then moved his fingers down his crack, circling his anus the way Spike had the previous night.  He dipped into it lightly, and then pushed in gently.  He started to pump his finger in and out of himself with the same rhythm he pumped his cock.

"Two."  The voice startled him for a moment, and then he realised Spike wanted him to open himself up, the way he had last night.  Xander reached for the lube, poured some more over his balls, and then made sure all his fingers were covered in it.  He pushed two fingers into himself, hissing at the burning sensation.  He gritted his teeth and began pumping, and soon the burning eased and he could push further in.  Suddenly he grazed something inside himself that made him see stars.  "That's your prostate, pet.  Now you've found it, rub it with your fingers a little."  Xander arched off the floor as he rubbed against the smooth nub - the sensations were overwhelming.  "Three," said Spike, dragging Xander away from his introspective discovery time.  He withdrew his fingers, slathered them in the lube, and started to push three in.  He hissed at the burn and stopped for a moment, catching his breath.  He slowly pushed them all the way in, breathing through the pain.  Once they were as far in as he could get them, he stopped, leaving them there as he began to pump his cock again.  He felt the tight grip on his fingers ease slightly, and began pumping them in and out.  The sensation of impaling himself on his fingers as he fucked his hand was amazing, and his movements became faster and more erratic as he felt his orgasm building.  He opened his eyes, not remembering exactly when he'd closed them, and saw Spike watching him avidly.  He'd pushed his pants down his thighs, and was stroking his cock as he watched Xander perform on the floor in front of him.  The sight made him groan, and he pumped harder, feeling his orgasm rapidly approaching.  He closed his eyes, but heard Spike demand, "Look at me, pet."  He opened his eyes and focussed on the face above him as the first waves of orgasm hit him.  He fought to keep his eyes open as he convulsed, his cum spurting onto his chest.

Suddenly Spike was there, pulling Xander's fingers out of his body, replacing them with something thicker and cooler in one hard thrust.  Xander arched up, the pain dampened by the tremors of pleasure still wracking his body.  The cool length was slamming into him, somehow hitting that magic spot every time, and impossibly, Xander felt his cock hardening again.  He grasped his cock with a still-lubricated hand.  Spike stopped his movements for a moment as brown eyes met his, seeking permission.  He nodded, and then lowered his gaze to Xander's neck.  Xander understood, and as he pumped himself, he turned his head to one side, baring his throat to his master.  Spike sank his fangs into the soft flesh, and Xander howled as he came for the second time, the delicious sucking at his throat pushing him over the edge.  Spike's thrusting became harder and more erratic as he fed, and then Xander was flooded with cool cum.  He wrapped his arms around Spike as he convulsed above him, and held him tightly.  Spike gently removed his fangs from Xander's neck, and licked soothingly at his mark.  He had deliberately bitten the same spot again.  But this time he remained in game face.  He sliced his tongue open on his fang as his pet watched, and then pressed his lips against Xander's, his bleeding tongue demanding entrance.  For a second Xander froze, then he parted his lips and allowed access, submitting to the vampire's wishes.  As Spike's tongue entered his mouth, he began sucking on it, swallowing the blood.  After a few seconds Spike gently pulled away, and smiled.  "I am very pleased with you, pet."

Spike raised himself up on his knees, and then stood up.  He stripped off the rest of his clothes and walked into the ensuite, washing himself quickly and then bringing out a washcloth and towel a moment later.  He cleaned Xander up, then threw the towels into the bathroom.  He picked Xander up and carried him to the bed, pulling the quilt over them.  He took Xander into his arms, and kissed him tenderly.  Then Spike drew his head back slightly, looked carefully at the beautiful boy who shared his bed, and asked him,  "Who are you?"  Xander was taken aback for a moment, and then, he just knew...  "I'm yours.  I belong to you."

"That's right, pet.  You're mine.  You belong to me."

"I love you, Spike."

"Yeah, pet.  I know.  Get some sleep now."

"G'night Spike."

"Sleep well, pet."





4
Secrets and Locked Doors

Xander woke slowly.  The bedroom was very dark, lit only by the flickering firelight.  He was momentarily disoriented, until the memories began flooding in again.  Recalling his awakening yesterday morning, he waited for the panic to overtake him.  But he felt only calm and peaceful.  Spike was lying spooned against him, and somehow Xander knew that he, too was awake - had been awake for some time, waiting.  Spike pulled him closer and whispered, "How did you sleep, pet?"

"I feel great, I slept really well," said Xander, a note of wonder in his voice.  He never slept well.  He couldn't remember feeling this well rested before.  He turned to face his vampire.  "How long was I asleep?" he asked.  "A couple of hours," replied Spike, as he started to nuzzle Xander's throat. He licked the scar, and Xander groaned - it felt like a direct 'on' switch to his cock.  "Sensitive, pet?" asked Spike, although he was fully aware of how a vampire bite affected humans.  "God, yeah," groaned Xander, grinding himself against the smooth body next to him, his cock getting harder by the second as the nibbling and sucking on the scar continued.  He felt Spike's hand on his cock, stroking it, teasing the head with a fingernail and then lightly running his fingers down the length to cup his balls.  It felt So. Fucking. Good.  Xander couldn't believe he'd denied himself this pleasure for so long.  Spike pushed him onto his back, threw the quilt out of the way and turned the lights up a little. Xander stared into glittering blue eyes.  "You don't cum, pet.  And you watch me.  Understand?"  Xander nodded as his cock jerked in anticipation. 

Spike began to lick and nibble at the scar again, his fingers twisting and pinching Xander's nipples until they were so sensitive he swore he'd come from that alone.  Xander felt a cool tongue lick its way across his chest, then down to tease his navel.  Hands swept down his sides, down his legs, up the insides of his thighs to tease his balls.  Then Spike was between his legs, licking and sucking on his cock, and Xander felt a groan start deep in his throat.  Precum was dripping steadily now, and Xander was chanting "don't cum, don't cum" in his head, trying to keep control.  Spike was sucking him hard now, deep throating him and swallowing around him,  then bobbing up and down rapidly, swirling his tongue around, finding the sensitive places and concentrating on them again and again. 

It felt like Spike had been sucking him for hours, and Xander was growing frantic, thrashing on the bed, desperately trying to hold his orgasm at bay.  "Please... I can't take it... Please stop, or I'm gonna cum, please," he croaked, his voice harsh and dry from panting and moaning.  Spike gave a final lick to Xander's cock, and then crawled up his body, until they were face to face, their bodies pressed together.  Spike kissed him hard, plundering his mouth, and then pulled his head back to look at his boy.  "I'm very pleased with you, pet.  I know how desperately you want to cum, but you asked me to stop so that you wouldn't disobey me.  I think you deserve a reward.  You may cum when I tell you." 

And Spike started all over again.  Licking, nibbling, teasing, sucking until Xander thought he would go out of his mind.  He was moaning and muttering incoherently, "please, now, please, need to cum, please..."  Spike gave a final hard suck to Xander's cock, and lifted his head.  Xander was absolutely beautiful like this.  Shaking with need, gasping and writhing, begging for release.  "Look at me, Xander," he commanded, and held Xander's eyes as he slowly slipped his index and middle finger into his mouth and fellated them enthusiastically until they were dripping wet.  Xander was mesmerised; this was sooo hot.  Spike grinned at him, and then wrapped his other hand around Xander's cock and began pumping him.  Much as he enjoyed blowing the boy, he wanted to watch him come.  Xander felt the wet fingers circling his anus as Spike watched him.  His control was fraying rapidly.  Spike was pumping him harder and faster, and just when Xander thought he couldn't hold out for a second more, said, "You may come, pet."  Spike then slipped the wet fingers into Xander in one hard thrust.  The delicious pain pushed him over the edge, and Xander cried out his release.

He must have passed out, he thought, as he opened his eyes to find Spike kneeling next to him on the bed, watching him.  "Did I..." he croaked.  Spike held out a glass of water, and Xander sat up and took it, drinking it gratefully.  "You were out for a good ten minutes, pet.  Thought I was gonna have to turn you after all!"

"I've never passed out like that before."

"You've never had me blow you before."  They both burst out laughing.  Spike reached out to stroke Xander's cheek.  "Getting off quickly has its charms, pet, but I intend to teach you about delayed gratification.  When you want it so badly you can taste it, and you feel as if you'll die if the pleasure doesn't stop... it's all about intensity, pet.  And endurance.  And we're going to be working on both."  He leaned forward and kissed Xander gently.

Xander noticed that Spike was still hard.  He hesitantly reached out, and then looked to Spike for permission.  "Yeah, pet.  You can touch me."  He ran his hand up and down the silken hardness, and found his mouth watering.  He remembered the feel of the cool cock in his mouth, and wanted it again. 

"Can I... I want to suck you."  Blue eyes caught his, and Xander swallowed.  "Please, may I suck you?"

"Yes, pet.  You may."  Spike leant back on the bed, propped up on a pillow so he could watch his boy pleasure him.  Xander began by licking and sucking Spike's nipples, and then licked his way down his body, moving himself until he was between the vampire's legs.  He took the cock between his lips, licking the end with his tongue, before opening his mouth wider and lowering his head, sucking and swallowing around the throbbing length.  Something he remembered reading a long time ago drifted through his mind, and he thought he might give it a try.  He wanted to make this really good.  He released the dripping cock and sat back on his heels.  He bent Spike's legs up, and began licking his balls, taking them into his mouth and sucking gently.  A deep groan told him he was doing it right.  Xander then moved lower, licking the skin under the balls, and then lower still.  The 'eww' factor tried to kick in, but Xander ruthlessly suppressed it.  Vampires don't breathe, or use the bathroom, he told himself fiercely. 

He licked down and around Spike's hole, and a deeper moan and a muttered 'fuck, yeah'  told him to keep going.  Spike dug his feet in and raised himself up slightly to give Xander better access.  Xander used his hands to spread the cheeks, and then licked and teased Spike's anus, pushing his tongue in, just a little.  Spike arched up and gasped, so he did it again, pushing in a bit further.  He began to slowly fuck Spike with his tongue.  He found he could get his tongue further and further in as the muscles loosened a little.  He started to tire after a few minutes, and regretfully pulled out, giving the hole a kiss before licking his way back up, sucking on the balls again and then deep throating Spike.  He sucked hard, swirling his tongue on the places he liked himself, and bobbing his head up and down, faster and faster.  He slipped a finger into the loosened hole, and stroked the silken lining, looking for the magic spot.  He felt Spike stiffen and arch off the bed, so he kept rubbing at the same place.  Suddenly he felt hands on his head, pushing him down.  Xander tried to open his throat and sink as far down on the pulsing cock as he could as Spike began to pump his cum down his throat.  He swallowed every drop, and then licked Spike clean.  He crawled up the bed and lay beside Spike, who rolled on top of him, kissing him deeply, his tongue roaming in Xander's mouth as though trying to taste everything that Xander had.  "That was fucking fantastic, pet.  Where the hell did you find out about rimming?"

"Just something I read, Spike."

"Did some useful research, eh, pet?" chuckled Spike.  Xander was hard again from sucking Spike, but sleep was a more pressing need.  Spike pulled the quilt over them, and they drifted off to sleep again.

When Xander next awoke, it was to a room flooded with daylight, which confused him for a moment until he remembered the complex lighting system.  He found his watch, and saw that it was 9.15 a.m.   Spike was gone, but he heard noises that sounded like plates and cups rattling around.  "Go and have a shower, pet, and then come and have breakfast," called Spike.  Xander had given up wondering how the vampire seemed to know exactly what he was doing at any given time, and went to have a very welcome shower.


~*~*~*~*~


He walked into the kitchen to find Spike dishing up bacon and eggs.  He stood gaping, watching the vampire pour coffee, and butter toast.

"You catching flies or something?" said Spike with a grin.  Xander snapped his mouth shut and sat down at the kitchen table.

"This looks great, Spike.  I didn't know you could cook."

"It's only bacon and eggs, pet.  Not exactly Cordon Bleu now, is it?  Anyway, eat up before it goes cold."  Spike sat opposite Xander, dunking his toast in his blood.  He saw Xander watching him with a grimace of distaste on his face.

"Get used to it, pet.  This is how I like it."  Xander looked back down and concentrated on his own breakfast.  When they'd finished eating, he helped Spike load up the dishwasher, and then they sat down again with another cup of coffee.

"OK pet, time for more talking.  I'm sure there's things you want to know, and there's some things I have to say."  Xander sighed on hearing Spike's words, and Spike looked at him sharply.

"The rest of the world hasn't gone away, and we're gonna have to leave the apartment sooner or later, pet."

"Yeah, I know.  It's just...  This is like a dream, Spike, and I'm afraid it'll all fall to pieces, y'know?"

"It's not a dream, Xan.  But yeah, there are things we're going to have to deal with, and some of them aren't gonna be easy.  No need to jump in the deep end straight off though, is there?  Come with me."  Spike stood up and walked into the bedroom, and Xander followed.  Spike walked over to the large walk in closet, and gestured to the left.

"All the clothes here will fit you.  They were bought for you, and you will wear them from now on.  If I see another Hawaiian shirt on your back, I will set fire to it, whether you have time to get out of it or not."  Xander saw hangers full of shirts, trousers, jeans, jackets, a couple of suits, a black leather duster, and more shoes and boots than he had ever owned in his entire life.  Spike opened drawers, one after the other, showing Xander socks, t-shirts and shorts. 

Xander turned to Spike and said, "Um... all the clothes are really great, Spike, thank you.  I've never had so many things in my life.  But there's no, um, boxers, or briefs, y'know."

"I know, pet.  Like I said, there are things I need to tell you about how our life together will be.  It's still very early days yet, and I want to take things slowly.  There will be rules, and this is one of them.  You will not wear anything under your pants.  At all.  Ever.  I have no intention of wrestling my way through layers of clothes when I want you.  OK?"

Xander swallowed hard, and said, "Er, fine by me, yeah."  Thoughts of Spike taking him, at any time, in any place, dancing through his brain and doing sparky things to his cock.

Spike pointed to the top drawer, which had a lock on it.  He produced a small key-ring, unlocked the drawer then handed the keys to Xander.

"These are your keys.  There's one for the apartment building, one for the utility cupboard and one for the apartment.  There's also a key to this drawer."  Spike opened the drawer, and Xander gasped.

"There must be thousands of dollars in there, Spike!"  he said in shock.

"Yeah, that's yours.  I have a key to this drawer.  As you run low, I'll top it up.  I know you want to do something useful with your life, and you will, but no more shit jobs just to scrape together a few bob, understand?"

"Er, yeah, but - what's a few bob?" 

Spike burst out laughing, and wrapped his arm around Xander's shoulder.  "Money, love,"  he said, "something I don't want you to ever have to worry about again, got it?"  Spike turned, and placed his hands on Xander's shoulders so he could stare into his eyes.  "You're not stupid, pet.  You're not weak.  You're not the Zeppo or the donut boy.  You've let other people dictate what you are, and that's going to stop.  And no," he said, seeing Xander opening his mouth as though to interrupt, "that doesn't include me.  I've made you an offer and you accepted it.  What we do is consensual.  I'm talking about others that use you for their own benefit.  I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, but I am going to help you find out what you want, and do everything I can to enable you to achieve it.  Buried under all the crap that's been heaped on you, pet, is a strong, independent person.  I'm gonna give you a hand digging him out, that's all."

Xander stared, and slowly shook his head.  "I don't understand, Spike.  I'm just a...  You said it yourself, you said I was submissive all the time.  I'm not what you think I am..." his voice trailed away miserably.  Spike felt a lump forming in his throat.  He wanted to personally drain every bastard who'd ever mistreated his boy.  He wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him.  He then led him to the bed, and sat them both down, still holding Xander.

"Xander, listen to me.  Are you listening?"  Xander nodded, but kept his face buried in Spike's neck.  "When I said that, I was talking about the way you'd been dismissed by so many people that you automatically submitted to their wishes, hoping they'd accept you.  That is what will change.  As far as our relationship is concerned, yes, you are submissive.  Yes, you need a strong master.  But recognising that, and choosing to act on it is a very hard thing to do.  Only a strong person can make that sort of decision.  You had plenty of opportunities to back out, but you stuck by your choice.  That shows inner strength.  Even though you know this decision is gonna cause a world of problems, you still stuck by it.  Choosing to submit to someone else is something only a strong person can do.  Surviving all the shit that's happened in your life shows me just how strong you are.  And if you were only a weak, waste of human flesh, there's no way Angelus would have gone near you, let alone offered you to me.  There's no pleasure in dominating the weak, Xander.  The whole point is that a strong person submits to your will, by choice." 

By this time, Xander was sitting up straighter, and he caught Spike's eye.  "You really think I'm a strong person?"

"I don't think it, pet.  I know it.  And seeing you on your knees before me is mindblowingly erotic because of it."  Xander smiled, really smiled, and Spike sighed in relief.  Getting Xander to believe in himself was the first obstacle to be overcome, and the most important.  There was no way he would cope with the rest of the problems facing them if he didn't have a strong sense of his own self-worth.

"Now, you must have some questions, pet, so fire away," said Spike, releasing his hold on Xander and sitting round on the bed so he was facing him.

"Yeah.  Um, I can really do anything I want?  About work and stuff, I mean."

"There's no rush, pet.  I'd rather you didn't get involved in anything for a while yet, as we still have so much to sort out here, but I've got the Internet hooked up on the computer in the study.  You can start exploring, y'know, find out about things that have always interested you.  Like I said, you're not stupid, and you might want to go to college, or do some courses or training or something.  OK?" 

"Wow, nobody's ever..."  Xander shook his head, his smile absolutely dazzling the vampire. Xander then took a deep breath, and looked Spike in the eye.  "OK, I wanted to ask you about last night.  You wanted me to drink your blood, and I did.  Why?"

"Why did you drink it, or why did I want you to?"

"You know what I mean, Spike."

"How do you feel today, pet?"

"What?  I feel fine."  Xander looked confused at the seeming change of subject.

"No aches and pains?  No soreness anywhere, feeling tired, drained?"  Light began to dawn on Xander.

"Your blood.  It does something to me."  Statement.

"Yes, pet.  Master's blood is very powerful stuff.  Remember, I only let you drink a very small amount.  It helps to heal you, makes you stronger, faster.  It also strengthens the link between us.  So I will feed you my blood from time to time, particularly if I've fed from you, and you will drink it, Xander."  Xander nodded absently.  Drinking the blood hadn't particularly bothered him, and he did feel really good this morning, only...  "Does it do anything else, Spike?"

"No, not in the small quantities you'll have."  And the tone of voice said 'end of conversation', so Xander searched for a change of subject, suddenly remembering the locked door he'd noticed on first looking around the apartment.

"What's behind the locked door, Spike?  When you showed me around, you didn't mention it, and when I tried the handle, it was locked.  Is it something I'm not supposed to know about?"

Spike looked at Xander carefully, then said, "It's a... playroom, I suppose.  There are some things in there that we will use.  I'd intended to tell you about it later on today, but I should have known your curiosity would get the better of you.  I can show it to you now, if you want, or you can get any other questions you have off your chest.  Your choice."  Xander was totally intrigued by the room now, but they needed to talk about Buffy and the others, so he ploughed on.

"Spike, I'm... I'm happier that I can ever remember being - you do know that, don't you?"  Spike nodded, a small grin curving his lips.  "But I can't help worrying about what's gonna happen with Buffy and Wills and stuff, y'know?"

"When are you supposed to be meeting them again?"

"Not until Monday.  The girls are busy at college and Giles is doing something and..."

"...and nobody needed the donut boy while they were having fun, eh?"  Spike could have kicked himself when he saw Xander's face fall at his words.  He shuffled forwards on the bed and wrapped his arms around his boy.  "Sorry, Xan, that didn't come out quite right.  They've just started college, and they must have lots of things they need to do.  I'm sure they'll want to see you..." 

But Xander cut him off.  "No.  No, you were right the first time, Spike.  I love them, they're my friends.  And I know they love me - it's just that I'm sorta left behind while they're off doing the new exciting study-type stuff.  And I do understand.  They don't mean to hurt me.  But they do..."  His last words were whispered, and Spike hugged him harder.  Thoughtless, selfish, fucking humans!

"Yeah, well it suits us at the moment, so perhaps we should both be grateful they've got something new to occupy themselves while we sort things out, eh?"  Xander visibly cheered, Spike was right - it did suit him.

"I never thought of it that way, but yeah, it is good isn't it?"  And the smile was back, thank Christ.

"Today's Friday, so we've got the weekend to think about how we're gonna handle the Slayer.  For now, let's not worry about it.  That alright with you?"  Xander nodded.  He wasn't looking forward to what would probably be a very nasty confrontation,  so he was happy to shelve it for the time being.  "OK, then.  Wanna go see the dun... playroom?"


~*~*~*~*~


They stood outside the locked door, and Spike produced a key.  "I'll unlock the room, and I will leave it unlocked from now on.  There's a door in here that leads outside - a sort of emergency exit, should we need one.  You use the apartment key you already have - it fits both doors."  Spike walked in, and Xander followed.  Soft lights illuminated the room, their entry obviously triggering some sort of automatic lighting system.  As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, he looked around.  He swallowed hard.  "Whoa..." escaped his lips.  Spike looked at him with concern.  Fuck, he though, maybe it's too soon.  "You OK, pet?  We can leave it for now and lock it back up if you want..."  And suddenly the blast of arousal hit him.  Locking the room back up was not an option.

"Oh wow, Spike.  This is..."  Words failed Xander as his glance swept the room again.  It was vast, and every bit of equipment he'd ever seen in - those - magazines seemed to be in the room.  There were glass-fronted cabinets lining one of the walls holding all sorts of - things which Xander felt needed further investigation quite soon.  There was a large four-poster bed in one corner, and an open door leading to a bathroom in the other. 

"This room has been set up as a dungeon, albeit a very comfortable and discreet one," said Spike. "Very nice little earner this has been.  But it's ours, yours if you want it, pet.  Neither of us are into the really heavy stuff, but there are lots of other things we can do in here."

Xander turned to Spike, grinning.  "It's perfect, Spike, thank you."  And kissed him soundly, looking like a kid on Xmas morning.

"There'll be rules in here, pet.  As soon as you enter this room, you'll use the bathroom to clean and prepare yourself, and then you'll kneel here, in the centre of the room, and wait for me.  You do not wear clothing of any description in this room unless it is something I choose for you.  You will address me as Master or Master Spike, and you will not look at me, or speak, until given permission.  Is that understood?"  Xander was so hard he was surprised his zipper hadn't given way under the pressure.  He nodded, swallowing to try and moisten his suddenly too-dry mouth. 

"There's more, but that's the basics, pet."  Spike headed towards the bathroom at the back of the room, and Xander followed.  "This is where you'll get yourself ready for me.  This room was specially designed, just for this purpose.  There are nozzles there for cleaning yourself."  Spike indicated a red tube with a nozzle at the end.  "You use that one first, it dispenses warm, soapy water, and then the blue one, with warm, clean water."  He turned to face Xander, who was staring at the nozzles, his face bright red.  "You do know what I'm talking about, don't you, pet?"

"Er, yeah.  It's just really embarrassing, y'know?"

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Xan.  It's part of preparing yourself for your master's pleasure, and it's for your comfort too.  Look at it that way, and you'll feel better about it, I promise you.  You'll also need to get rid of some of your excess body hair.  You get that caught in something, and you'll know all about it!"  Spike had opened a large cupboard, in which were wax strips for hair removal, new tubes of lubricant, and several cockrings, made of different materials, from leather to metal.

"We'll do some waxing this afternoon, and when we first use the dungeon, I'll help you with everything else.  After that, you should be able to manage on your own.  You alright with that, pet?"

Xander stood gaping.  He mouth opened and closed a few times, but words failed him.

"Xander, answer me," said Spike, in a tone that brooked no argument.

"Um... yeah.  Sorry, Spike, just a lot to take in, y'know.  Yeah, it's fine," he said, as he shook his head a little, trying to clear his fuzzy thoughts.

"This is why we're taking things slowly, Xan.  You've read a lot about this stuff, but reading about it and living it are two entirely different things.  You sure you're fine with all this?"

Xander put his hands on Spike's shoulders, and gazed into his eyes.  "I want this, Spike.  I want to please you.  I love you.  And just walking into the dungeon made me hard!  Just going into overload a bit, that's all.  Need to process, y'know?  I kinda expected the cleaning out thing, but the waxing sort of threw me a bit, and then it just hit me...  This is real, isn't it?"

So that was it - reality check time.  Xander wanted, needed to be told.

Spike wrapped his arms around Xander's waist, keeping their gazes locked.  "Yeah, pet, this is real.  This is part of your life now.  The things I will tie you down to are real.  The chains, and the rope and leather restraints are real.  The sling is real.  The dildos and the clamps, the floggers and the whips - all  real.  The pain will be very real.  The blood will be real.  And the pleasure will be totally and completely real when I tie you down and fuck you til you scream."  Xander shuddered, and ground his aching cock against Spike's equally hard erection.

"Oh fuck, Spike," he breathed.  Spike could hear his heart pounding, his breathing was ragged, and his pupils dilated so far his eyes look like black pools.  Spike slammed Xander against the wall, hard, and plundered his mouth.  They ground against each other, pillaging each other's mouths until Xander cried out and came in his pants.  Spike came shortly afterwards, and they collapsed against each other, leaning weakly against the wall.

"Wow," said Xander, breathlessly, "and that was just talking about it."  Spike grinned sheepishly.  "Yeah.  I think we need to go take a shower.  Good opportunity to show you how the waxing works, too."  He picked up a couple of boxes of strips, and led the way out.  "You can come back and explore later, if you want.  But after today, you'll need to go through the whole preparation routine whenever you enter this room, even if it's only to do some cleaning and tidying, understand?"

Spike spun around suddenly and headed for the door again.  "C'mon, pet. Let's have shower."  Xander grinned and followed Spike to their bedroom, feeling distinctly uncomfortable in his sticky pants. 

"Spike," he said, "can we..."

"Tonight, if you want, pet."

"It's a date," grinned Xander, stripping off his clothes and heading for the shower.




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