Pairing: Spike/Xander (preslash)
Rating: PG-13 with an edge, not enough to be R
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, pretty sure that's obvious by now

What Did You Say?

Darkling Dawns

“Yeah, that's good. Now mark the vertex- that's the point where the two lines intersex.”

The hammer he'd been holding clattered to the floor as Xander whipped around fast enough to give himself whiplash. “Wait- what did you just say?”

Spike looked up from where he was helping Dawn with her homework. “Was tellin' the Bit here to locate the point where the lines intersect. 'S algebra.”

“Oh.” He bent down to pick his hammer up, feeling like an idiot. It was like being around the popular kids again, opening his mouth to say something only to get that look that basically demanded to know where he got off taking up valuable space on the planet, and he'd forgotten exactly how small it made him feel.

Doing his best to block the memories out, he went back to work, and everything was fine until he heard, “Okay, so now we have to enter the data. Start with the first dick, here...”

Xander spat the nail he'd been holding in his mouth out, hardly believing his ears. “What did you say?”

He got a strange look in return. “Told her to start with the first dot. What, are you deaf, mate?”

There was really no response to that that wouldn't end with him wanting to crawl into the nearest black hole, so he clamped his mouth shut and fumbled for the nail. Hopefully he could finish the shelves soon, go home, and forget all about the annoying vampire who liked to play math tutor.

“Once you've got the pricks all set, go ahead an' lick 'em together.”

Now that was over the line. Xander grabbed the vampire out of his chair and shoved him up against one of the bookcases. “What the fuck did you just say to her?” he demanded.

“Lay off, Harris!” When he didn't release him, Spike growled, “You got a problem with me helpin' Dawn with her math?”

“I have a problem with you talking dirty to her!”

Spike looked like he'd been smacked in the face with a fish. “Talkin'- what the hell are you on about?”

“What you said just now about putting the- the you know, and then doing that to them.”

The blond's expression instantly melted into one of concern. “Are you feelin' all right?” he asked sympathetically. “Job puttin' lots of stress on you?”

“Well, yeah... but that's not the point!” He felt like he was losing his balance with those blue eyes so close. “And why do you care, anyways?”

“Because when linkin' points on a graph starts soundin' pornographic, you might need a vacation,” Spike shot back. “That, or a soddin' hearin' test!”

His ears burned as he released the vampire, turning away from the mocking look that made him want to become invisible. He could practically feel Spike's glare burning a hole into his shirt as he went back to work before he sat down next to Dawn and started the lesson again. For the next half hour, Xander kept his head down and did his best not to react to the chatter behind him, even when Dawn asked Spike about finding the intercourse whose crack satisfied both equations, or when he explained that multiplying the fucked equation required her to use the cocksucker of y in the sexual equation. To his horror, his body reacted to the last statement, his dick hardening inside his jeans as he listened to Spike talk about sex and algebra.

That was the final straw. Muttering something about making a trip to Home Depot, Xander fled, leaving behind a surprised teenager and a smirking vampire. “Wow, that was weird,” Dawn commented.

She received a shrug in reply. “No tellin' what gets into people sometimes, Bit. Now, walk me through this problem, yeah?”

“Sure. I followed your instructions to strip Xander, and lay him out over you on the graph, and you were right- it's a perfect match!”

Spike gaped at her. “What did you say?!?”

The End

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