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SUMMARY: See Spike. See Spike shop.

Dead Man Shopping


"Alright. Quit whining and zip up."

Spike made a face but zipped up nonetheless. He tucked his t-shirt into the new jeans and faced the mirror, meeting nothing but Dawn's gaze.

"What do you think?"

"Don't know, hard to say. Twirl."

"I'm not gonna TWIRL, woman."

Dawn, arms full with six other pairs of jeans in slightly different sizes, rolled her eyes. "Fine. Strike a pose, then."

Spike grinned with manly, chest-puffing agreement. "That I can do." He faced her and put both hands on his hips, feet planted wide apart and pelvis thrust outwards suggestively. "Now. What say you."

Dawn cocked her head and eyed him from head to toe, lingering on the middle. "Hm. Bit too big, wouldn't you say?" She looked at the other jeans in her arms, looking for a smaller size.

Spike's posture relaxed, attitude gone, and fiddled with the waist of the jeans on him. "They do fall a bit loose on the hips."

"Alright. Strip."

Spike wriggled out of the jeans until they pooled at his feet, then kicked them away.

Dawn bent to pick them up and shook the legs out with an scowl in the vampire's direction. "Stop doing that."

"I don't want no sodding blue jeans. Gimme the black ones."

"Fine. Here."

Dawn leaned against the changing room's door and watched him pull the new pair up over his skivvies and button the fly. Then he stood expectantly in front of her, holding his hands behind his back to give her a better view of the goods.

Dawn bit her bottom lip in serious consideration.

Spike fidgeted. "Well?"

She held out her hand and twirled her finger in silent command. Spike let out a whiny grunt and dropped his arms to his side, turning around slowly until he was facing Dawn again.

"I think we have a winner."

"Yeah? How does my ass look?"

"Looks like the ass of someone who cares what his ass looks like. You can take them off now."

"What happened to foreplay? Nice romantic dinner, candlelight, little Chianti..."

"Off. Now."

"The thrill is gone, Dawnie." She made a face at him and he grinned while divesting himself of his soon-to-be purchase. He grabbed his old faded pair of black jeans, slipping into them comfortably before sitting down on the ground to put his boots back on.

Dawn picked up the pants strewn around them, working awkwardly around the small confined space of the stall. By the time Spike slipped his duster back on, she'd made a 'yes' pile and a 'no' pile.

Spike smiled satisfyingly and grabbed the 'yes' pile. "Mine!"

"Yes, yours. Now hurry up or we'll be late." Dawn grabbed the shirts on the hook and clicked open the door's lock.

Spike smirked smugly at the people in line for the changing room, trailing behind Dawn as she made her way to the register. Dawn ignored the looks and dumped their loot on the counter, where an attractive young man with several piercings greeted them casually and started taking off tags. Spike leaned back against the counter, head bobbing distractedly to the loud rock music while he let his gaze roam the store one last time, assessing everyone instinctively.

"Found everything you needed?" clerk guy inquired, hitting numbers on the computer screen with practiced ease.

"Yup. We're good."

"Girlfriends are useful that way." He winked at Dawn. Dawn and Spike exchange a somewhat bored look, dismissing the mistaken impression.

"Yeah, they are," Spike offered offhandedly, handing his credit card over and taking the bags, anxious to get out and meet up with the rest.

"Here you go. Have a great evening."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Spike hurried out of the store, Dawn running behind him, trying to stick the receipt in his back pocket. "Here. Don't lose this."

"Hey, sexy!"

Spike's face lit up and they turned to see Xander, Buffy and Tara walking toward them. Buffy was lugging all of their bags, not even breaking a sweat. She directed a beaming shopping!smile to the boys when Xander slid an arm around Spike's waist, his other hand tucked in his pocket.

"Found stuff?"

Dawn nodded solemnly. "Yes. We bought very mean jeans and scary shirts."

"I no longer have to walk around the apartment naked," Spike stated.

Xander frowned. "I don't approve of that."

Dawn walked past them and fished a french fry out of the mostly-empty container Tara was holding out. "Isn't it better that you get to unwrap him?"

Xander lightened up. "That's true."

Tara grabbed Spike's arm and started walking, pulling them along. "Alright, you fags. Time for book shopping."

"Hey, is it proper for a lesbian to call us fags?"

Buffy bounced ahead with her packages, mockingly complaining. "Wonderful. A whole day stuck in Gayland."

"Hey, at least YOU didn't get stuck with vampire duty."

"Dawn, I'm the queen of vampire duty."

"But they don't usually prance around in tighty-whities."

"You obviously haven't been patrolling long enough."

"HEY. I do not prance."

"If you say so."

"I DON'T!"


"I DON'T! Xander, help me out here."

"Sorry, pal. You're on your own."

The End

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