Across the Miles by Rakshathewolf Xander comes to LA to fetch
Spike when he finds out he's survived
by Wolfshark Spike and Angel need help from Xander
All Hallow's Eve
by Shimmer It’s Halloween. Nothing ever happens on Halloween. Continues
in By the Blessing of the Dark
Amends, Friendship and Moving On by Xandercordy1 Spike
returns to Sunnydale to help his sire. And if he decides to help Angel, can he keep himself from chowing
down on the citizens of Sunnydale, especially the Scoobies?
by Whichclothes Post series. Xander and Spike are in London, each struggling with his own (mental) demons. Can they help each other?
And Ice For Your Wounded Heart by
Tabaqui A questioning Xander develops a
friendship/relationship with Spike and Dru. Season 2 AU
by Skuzzbopper Annoyed with Spike and Xander's constant bickering, Willow uses a spell to separate the two. But it turns out the boys need each other more than they ever thought they did.
The Approved Mode of Payback by Herself_nyc Harris was a mess, but he was a succulent, compelling, gorgeous mess
by Skargasm Xander Harris is blackmailed into
selling drugs at his High School. William Jeffers is the undercover detective sent in to crack the drug-ring.
Ashes to Ashes by Sevendeadlyfun Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grief and a kind of
madness take Spike and Xander places they aren't sure they want to go.... Preview
Backfire by Daedreams Spike has a plan...sort of. S/X, A/X
Back With Me by Alexandria
Spike's past comes back to haunt and help. Unfinished
Balance . Resetting the Scales
by LadyMerlin Willow's spell to release the power of the scythe did far more than anyone expected.
Becoming Known by Tisienne Blue
Spike leaves before the final battle with the First but maintains contact with Xander by e-mail. wip
Masks by Amejisuto Spike and Xander let down their masks and actually
Xander's reaction to losing his eye
Bites by Randy Sex Kitten Spike loved the bite itself
Black Velvet by D'Nalia During 'School
Hard' Angel offered Xander to Spike, and Spike accepted wip
Blood Ties by
Amejisuto   Dark and angsty. The Initiative has a different idea of how to develop the perfect super soldier. Warning: Contains Mpreg. wip
Brown Eyed Boy by Naughtyfae William Foster is a billionaire businessman in LA for a week. He needs a partner to attend a number of high powered, social functions.
By the Blessing of the Dark by Shimmer Xander has left. Life and
death go on without him. He doesn’t deal well. unfinished Continued from All Hallow's Eve
Candy Perfume Boys by Fanbot Spike teaches Xander a lesson about boredom at the Bronze.
Career Change by Two Ladies of Quality Giles has to
learn to cope in a whole new world, while at the same time keeping his old world from falling to
Glory wip Preview
by Sorrel In the summer that follows the defeat of
the Master, Xander is attacked by a demon and almost loses his life. Angel's cure gifts him with interesting new powers
and leads him down a path towards a rocky romance with someone he never expected: Spike. wip
Cheers by Sukiblue It's been a year since he died, and Xander's ready to
move on, with Spike's help.
Childe of my Heart by Shanyah Spike has his work cut out trying to keep Dawn, Fred and Xander safe in a strange
Traveler's dimension. Preview
Chocolatey Goodness by Mad Poetess
One neurotic human with dark eyes and no self-esteem, one psychotic vampire
with bleached hair and no self-control, falling in love
Civilised Conversations by Melissa
The boys take a walk and Spike discovers something about Xander
... and something about himself. Continued in And Afterwards Remember
Coercion by Fanbot In which Spike gets bored and decides to seduce Xander. He finds some surprises along the way.
Compass Rose by Tabaqui When Spike finally leaves Sunnydale he takes Xander with him. Preview
Conversations by LadyMerlin A series of short conversations between
Spike and Xander
The Cost of Butterfly Kisses by Lit Gal Xander's been a bad boy, and Spike is about to figure out how to make the most of it
Credence by Tabaqui Instead of escaping the Initiative right away, Spike didn't get out until Buffy and Co. came in to wipe out Adam. Preview
Cricket by Sabershadowkat During a visit to the LA gang Xander sees a
different (softer) side of Spike he'd never noticed
before, and things develop from there...
Discoveries by Kay
Spike discovers Xander has a job at Jefferies, a local gay bar. Preview
Drabbles by Beetle A series of
drabbles forming a picture of Xander and Spike's developing relationship
Lover by Rowaine After ADAM is defeated, the Scoobies start discussing their
The Education Series by
Pet Xander figures out what he wants. Spike
benefits. S/X/Oz/Devon Preview
El Cuento del Bucanero y del Vampiro
by Whichclothes and Emelye Xander is in Mexico undercover, and Spike is
sent from L.A. on the same mission.
The End Of The Beginning by Off Suit After Buffy's leap from the tower, Xander and
Spike are left to raise Dawn. wip
Xander breaks. Spike picks up the pieces. Nobody's happy on the Hellmouth, right?
Several years post-series, Xander thinks Spike needs to get his unlife together.
Every Claim You Stake by
Electricalgwen Xander can’t shake the
feeling that someone is watching him Preview
Fiends!Verse by Cobalt Mystic Xander’s
nightmares have piqued the curiosity of our favourite insanely jealous and protective peroxide vamp… the story he uncovers is disturbing, even to
a Childe of Angelus.
Fighting for Freedom by Mrs Sakuma Xander is the son of the President. While on a trip with his family he runs off and runs into Spike. Who is actually a secret agent for the President. wip
Finding Home by Velvet Crypt When there's nowhere else to turn, Spike finds
home and Xander's mom gets a second chance
The Five Gold Rings Series by Josie_h
Spike and Xander bond in the last days before the end of Sunnydale. Excellellent Saga in five completed parts, with a sixth part currently being written
Five Highly Appropriate Occasions for Lying by Otherpervert Sometimes, you're only lying to yourself.
Five Nights by
Cordelianne Signs of a gradual thaw
Five Stages of Love by Fanbot Five 100-word drabbles about the stages of love.
Five Times Spike Had Xander's Back
by Noandwhere Spike's always had Xander's back
Creyr What if Spike had run into Xander in Oxnard?
Four Seasons by
Kimalis Looking back, Spike had never worked out just how he and Harris got to where they did that summer
by Kyrieane Spike sees Xander in a new light
Series by Mad Poetess
What if Xander had sampled some of his own wares in BtVS season 4 Beer
by Sinandcinnamon The boys find
their way to each other
Good Mojo by Whichclothes Spike is Xander's only hope when a spell
Good Nurse by Michelle
by Whichclothes Set during BtVS
S4. Xander discovers Spike in an alley, seriously brain-damaged. Preview
Grief Counseling by
Amejisuto and Suki Blue This starts off as a series of emails between an
unknowing Spike and Xander as they both try to come to terms with the many deaths of their loved ones that took
place during Season Five
Hard-Bitten by Whichclothes Spike is missing, and Xander is the only
one available when Angel begs for help to search for him
Haunted by Mwrgana Spike and Xander are sent to investigate spectral disturbances in an old country manor in England. Set in The Ripper Files verse.
He Needs Me by Slaymesoftly Xander helps Spike deal with Buffy's death,
The Hermit of Werleyville
by Whichclothes A curse sends
Xander into seclusion--until Spike shows up in town.
Hours of Forever by Cobalt Mystic Willow wants Xander to forgive Spike
The Hour Series by Yin
Again Spike knew that the kid had a mean streak. Preview
How I Spent My Summer Vacation by Beetle Xander spent a summer in Oxnard, at the Fabulous Ladies Night Club. Preview
How The Light Gets In by
Shadowscast Xander and Spike are both a little bit
broken; maybe they can help each other. This is a direct sequel to Late Night Porn Store Blues, picking up the next morning.
Third in the
by Lady Cat Xander purchases Hustler!Spike's services
I Love You, Means by Bekka Alexander Harris couldn't remember the first time his
father had hit him
Improvising Atonement by Sevendeadlyfun A vampire with a soul is determined to help The Slayer. Can a demon
ever atone? Season 1 complete, Season 2 WIP
Incidental Evolution by Rayne Jelly Four progressive snapshots of a relationship as it might have happened
In the Dark by Wolfshark
Spike contemplates Xander when he’s asleep – mood piece
Involuntary Bodies by Anna S The care of Dawn and a broken Tara is left to Xander, with
only a newly souled and unstable vampire to help. Preview
It's Not by
Cordelianne Yep, it’s a routine.
And routines are good, right?
Janus' Shadow by Lit Gal
A spell turned Xander into an ancient Master vampire who completely
dominated Angel and Spike until the spell wore off. Now a chipped Spike returns to his human sire. Sequel to
Joined at the Hip by Nomelon
Xander and Spike are cuffed together for three days
The Key of the Dragon Witch
by Kirasmommy Spike is the lock/key
over the Hellsmouth and Xander must guard him after Willow interferes with a spell
Knock on Wood by Maude M Xander is hurt in an accident and Spike has to unwillingly play nursemaid
Land of the Lost by Witling Spike's demon has full strength in the strange world they've been marooned in.
L'Angelo della Città
by Whichclothes Xander and
Spike go to Venice to investigate a problem. They discover much more than they had expected.
The Last Days Of Rome
by Reremouse He doesn't know if he feels
like he cheated on Buffy with another guy or if he's the other guy her guy cheated with
Late Night Porn Store Blues by Shadowscast Giles sends Xander to L.A. to investigate rumours of a
Slayer in the city. What Xander finds is not at all what he expected. Second in the
Learning Curve: A Divertissement by Herself_nyc Its care and feeding, its moods and manners
Learn To Be Lonely by Chocgood84 Something's not right in Sunnydale - people are
falling asleep and dying in their dreams
A Lesson in Principles by Annie Sewell-Jennings Season 4 Spike/Xander smut, with both of them getting
reluctantly drawn to each other against their will. It's aching and sweet and lovely.
Letters by Tabaqui Xander and Spike keep in touch
Like a mirror I look into you...
by Perverted Pages Spike knew his demon wouldn’t be able to be put off for much longer
Listening and Lies by
Daedreams Spike and Xander discover that they have
more in common than they thought.
Little Runaway by Tabaqui Dawn decides her only safety lies in running away with Spike and Xander. Preview
London Calling by Shadowscast Buffy receives a mysterious telephone call
from Spike in London, and sends Xander to find out what's going on.
Losing It by KittyPoker1 Xander is kidnapped by a demon. WIP
The Love Shack
by Randy Sex Kitten An abstract view of Xander's rule: Touch nothing!
Bitches by Rowaine Set after finale of BtVS, Spike and Xander find in each other that which they thought they'd lost.
A Xander and Spike Love Story by Michelle
Mob boss Angel's favorite childe Spike falls in love with Xander, son of his arch enemy.
Magic Moments by Suki Blue
A naughty blue demon decides it would funny if Xander had Spike's baby
The Magic Number by Witling Moves beautifully from a Spike who despises Xander to the start of feelings developing between them
Magpie by Sparrow2000 Set post Chosen. Xander is
travelling around Europe doing jobs for the Council when things start to happen...
Them Pay by Michele
Spike has his bite back and decides to make the Sunnydale gang pay for all they've done to him.
Mama Africa by kk-d The thing about Africa that has changed him the most? The
Lazuli.Kat Six years on and Xander's newly developed psychic skills are needed
Marriage and Other
Strange Arrangements by Randy Sex Kitten Xander comes back to Sunnydale for a
Meditation in Motion by Yin Again I tell myself that there's no one I want there. I lie.
Master by Michele Buffy
goes to visit dad for the summer. Who's looking after the Hellmouth?
Million Dollar Bachelor
by Forsaken2003 William Pratt is a
successful author of books about the adventures of a vampire named Spike.
by IamtheLizardQueen Xander’s life was tough enough, and then he got pregnant. Spike tries to benefit from Xander’s
predicament, but there are some nasty side effects to constantly being around each other, like they just
might start to care… WIP
Mission Implausible by Spikedluv Xander and Spike undertake an undercover mission
Spike is more irresistible than Xander is straight.
Montana by Ruth Sadelle Alderson Xander moves to Montana, and back again.
More Things Change by Sorrel The
more things change, the more they stay the same. Xander's still a demon magnet.
Musical Wars by Lit Gal
Second in the Secondverse series
The Naked Truth by
Christina_O Will Spike and Xander ever get past their snide remarks and insults and realize that the naked truth is
that they are falling in love? wip
Never Have I Ever… by Darkhavens Spike and Xander get drunk and compare résumés.
The New Initiative by Rosejax
The PTB bring Spike and Xander together
Night Flight by
Virtual Personal After Willow triggered all the slayers, there were changes. Some vampires started to “behave” and fit into society.
Nightmares in Common by
Kay Spike finds he and Xander have something
Night Terrors by BmblBee Ten Years after the fall of Sunnydale, Xander has
distanced himself from his past life until a demon forces him to look back.
Nine Lives by Tabaqui Nine stories that might have happened - starting with 'School
Nobody by Trixx
AU Starts six months after Caleb totaly blinded Xander. The gang has moved away from Sunnydale, and Xander is dealing with
his handicap. wip
Randy Sex Kitten After the death of the Slayer, the Scoobies disband. Oz and Xander set
out on a nomadic life that is soon encroached by a certain blond vamp. WIP
Not Noisy or Excited by Savoy Truffle
Alternate timeline, Spike never came back after leaving at the end of Season 6; Xander is looking for slayers in Africa, but finds Spike.
Offering by Spikedluv
Angel offered Xander to Spike; Spike accepts. Preview
Of Kittens and Lambs
by Yours Truly Desperate
to get his beloved Drusilla back, Spike decides to take her a nummy prezzie.
Of Persons Outside Windows
by Baudown Set in an altered season 4. They get to know each
Of Risks and Gift-giving by Rowaine How to court a reluctant vampire in seven easy
Once Upon a
Time by Randy Sex Kitten A tragic accident brings the boys together
1 4 3 by C. Woodhaven Xander's been left at the altar, and
Spike discovers that they have something in common.
One Tin Soldier
by D'Nalia It's 12 years on and Spike is rescued by Major Harris. WIP
On the Same Page by Eyezrthewindows Spike finds solace in Xander and discovers that he really is
a big girl's blouse but it isn't all that bad what with all the sex and all.
Operation James by Ulysses Brews NB meets a Wish Demon at a
fan convention. (No, this is NOT a RP fic! at least, only at the start.) wip
by BmblBee In the year 2012, the vampires of the world stood up and revealed themselves to mankind
Out of Africa by
Witling It was inevitable that sooner or
later, Xander Harris would end up in charge of a houseful of Slayers
Character by Nomelon Spike's dreams are coming true, much to his dismay
The Pandora!Verse by
Estepheia Neither is sure of what the other really wants
A Place Called Home by Lady Cat &
Xanphibian Xander sees a fix-it-up house he'd like
Playing Pool by Darkhavens Someone is watching Spike
by Rowaine Everyone's got a kink or
two -- Xander's was started by a misplaced shopping bag and ambiguous instructions. Preview Unfinished
Pons Asinorum by Miriam Heddy The first time was pants
Postsecret by Whichclothes A visiting demon causes secrets to be
spilled, and those secrets change our boys' lives
Prawnverse by Witling Grinning lecherous Spike.
Hungry wounded eyes-downcast Xander
Pretty When You Break by Werewindle Spike wormed his way into every part of the boy’s life until Xander came to expect it
Angelus has returned and managed to defeat the Slayer. In the wake of her death, Spike agrees to keep one of the Scoobies as a Pet in order to save their lives.
by Kay While searching for a missing demon kid, Spike runs across a most interesting priest working at a shelter for runaways.
Protector by AngieJean While in a healing sleep Spike is a helpless witness hidden in Xander's closet as Xander is raped by his father
Punitive Damages by
Christina_O Xander saw Spike and Anya "comfort" each other in the Magic Box and decides to give Spike just
what he deserves. wip
Quantum Xander by Jameschick Xander keeps moving through alternate realities. Preview
Xander 2: In Wake of the Curse by Jameschick Xander's home now and greatly changed. Sequel to Quantum
Rear Window by Whichclothes Xander's leg's broken and Spike plays
nurse. But there's something fishy going on at the neighbor's place.
Reassembling by Texanfan
What if Anya and Buffy both died at the end of S5? (30 parts)
Repossession by Lazuli Kat
Six years after Xander leaves Sunnydale Spike is kidnapped and tortured and then found by him half dead in an alley. (hints of Highlander in this series)
The Resolute Urgency Of Now
by Emelye Xander takes it
upon himself to pygmalion Spike into the Master of Sunnydale to prevent a hostile takeover.
Roomies by Lunabee Xander discovers the love that dare not speak its name.
There's an apocalypse, naturally, and some tasteful male nudity
The Romance of Spike 'n' Xander by Witling The Romance of Spike 'n'
Xander. In Six Words at a Time.
Scoffs At Gravity
by Reremouse Xander's a watcher,
Spike's a ghost, Angel's a CEO.
Secondverse Series by
Lit Gal Spike meets a Xander who never met the
See America by Yin Again
Spike hadn't said anything in a month. Preview
Seeing Beyond Imperfections by Melissa
Fifteen years on, Xander has become the Seer for the slayers in America and discovers that even though Spike has been dead all this time, he has been anything but gone.
Seeing Distant Things As If They Were Close by WesleysGirl
There are different kinds of healing, and different kinds of moving on.
Seeing Is His Superpower
by Shadowscast Xander finds Spike's
amulet in the wreckage of Sunnydale. When he picks it up, something interesting happens...
Seven Languages by Yin Again The first time, it was about doing that one insane thing you always wanted to do before you died, because they were seriously about to die.
Shacking Up by EntreNous Sometimes you live with someone, and you know him without even knowing it. Sometimes better than you know yourself.
Shadowlands by Lunabee Xander discovers Spike is alive and comes to L.A. to see for himself.
Shame the Devil by Yin Again Spike and Xander have both left Sunnydale, it’s seven years on and Spike is now a famous rock star, Xander is his manager.
Should the Wide World Roll Away by Divine Nimbus A year after his mother died, Xander
is alone and trying to cope. Spike has come to Sunnydale to take down his third Slayer. wip
Sidelines by Anna S Rewrite of Season 4, Xander's out of the closet
Urge by Druffine Xander, one of the Slayer's sidekicks is burdened with
Spike, the newly chipped vampire. One evening things get ugly in the Harris' household...
Slipknot by Lady Cat Xander aquires a guardian ghost.
Small Imperfection by Reremouse Sooner or later he'll offer Harris a drink because
it's what's done in Savannah
Smithereens by Collapsible It's really not as hard as it looks. Listen up and take notes. (There
will be a test.)
by Kyrieane Post S7. Xander and Spike run into each other in New Orleans.
So Crazy it Just Might
Work by Savoy Truffle Slashier first season
AtS in which Angel teams up with Xander instead of Cordelia and Spike decides to join them. wip Preview
Lady Cat Newly souled Spike has to learn to trust.
Spander in Spandex by Kay A series of lucky chances has given Xander's team a
place in the Tour de France, to the disdain of some other riders.
Spark and Ignition
by MissE In the end, all it took was one
by Whichclothes Spike and
Xander go to investigate a haunted house
Spending the Night by Pirate Purple Xander's not gay, he
just lets a male vampire get him off.
A Spot of Trouble by Sevendeadlyfun There’s nothing heroic about skulking in an alley
Stay by Spikedluv Spike, Xander, and a dirty little
The Stranger Things Series by Esmerelda
Xander is kidnapped and Spike has to arrange his release
String of Pearls
by Kyrieane Spike remembers the past and how he and Xan got together.
by Velvet Crypt Spike forcibly snapped his jaw shut. “You’re a
stripper.” Nod. “At a gay club.” Nod. “And you like it.” Nod. “Well, bugger me.”
Subtleties by Anna S A few years after Spike settles in NYC, Xander is sent to
find him, because they need him once more for a mission.
Sunday Morning Coming Down by Crazydiamondsue
Post BtVS "The Gift." Xander struggles to come to
terms with the resurrection spell in light of the "reality" of Buffy's death and his changing feelings for Spike.
by Savoy Truffle After Sunnydale, Xander has a chance meeting with Spike. As they tend to do, things develop from there...
Sweet Release by Crazydiamondsue Season 4, post "The Harsh Light of Day." Xander has something Spike needs.
Swinger's Club by Eyezrthewindows Spike goes to a sex club, sees someone unexpected and takes the opportunity spread out in front of him.
Sympathy For The Devil by Sakuri In a Sunnydale without Buffy, Agent Harris may be
the only initiative soldier able to get vital information about Angelus from Hostile 17 Preview
Beetle AU. Xander was abandoned by
Jesse after their first night together. Three years later Jesse's back, but now another Vamp wants to stake his own claim.
Talking About the Past by Maz There is a lot of history there
The Thin Line Between Hell and
by Dragon's Phoenix
There's a thin line between love and hate...
by Reremouse So he's the emotionally unavailable but charming mystery-shrouded one-eyed single gay guy
Three Dog Nights
by Skuzzbopper Spike catches
Xander reading a book on seducing non-mortals, and offers three nights of hands-on "lessons" in the subject--
which is just wonderful, since the non-mortal Xander had been hoping to seduce was Spike.
Thrill Me!verse by Amejisuto Xander and Spike meet in the summer after the Master's death while Buffy is off in L.A., visiting her Dad and
a friendship develops.
Through the Looking Glass by Kimberly Xander follows a Spike look-alike all over town, only to discover that it actually is the supposedly-dead vamp ... and that Spike's working as a "dancer" in a gay peepshow.
Thursday Night Kitten Poker by Thedabara_cds A game of kitten
poker at Willy's leads to a friendship with Spike,which eventually
deepens into true love and lots of hot kinky sex
Time Has Told Me... by Pirate Purple Shared grief leads to a quest. Xander does the knight thing again, but this time, it's for Spike, of all people
To Wed Or Not To Wed
by WarpedMindedYaoi and NightmareAhead Spike is forced into an arranged
marriage, but in the end... is it really forced?
To Start Again by Gnome Xander takes an injured Spike and Dawn to
Angel for protection from Glory. wip
The Triangle by
Randy Sex Kitten Under the simmering moonlight of Texas and Bermuda, Xander and
Spike face more than a Hellmouth, they face each other
Truth and Sacrifice by C. Woodhaven Spike and Xander are forced to team up with
Tara, an ancient and powerful demon witch. wip
Truth/Friction by Apreludetoanend The truth is in the friction
Two-Beer Queer by FireHorse Xander loses his inhibitions after a few beers
Two of a
Kind by Rowaine Dawn wants her
two boys to resolve their UST
Ulterior Motives by
Yanagi_wa A botched spell results in Xander becoming the thrall of Spike, the new master of the Hellmouth. Preview
Under the Mountain by Tabaqui
Xander moved to Seattle on his return from Africa. A slow relationship develops after he runs into Spike there
Waffle House by Sajinn It’s Spike and Xander hanging out at a greasy spoon on the east coast!
Waking Up by Savoy Truffle Season 4. Xander wakes up as a demon. In
the wackiness (not all of it fun) that ensues, Spike and Xander wake up to each other.
Want by Shanyah It’s New York, it’s eight years after the end of
season 7. Xander and Spike have a chance meeting. Spike wants Xander to build him a house, but that’s not all he
The Wednesday Museum
by Whichclothes On a mission to
Washington, DC to rescue Angel from hell, Xander and Willow run into an old acquaintance
We're Not Gay. We're Just Friends.
Who Have Sex by Juliatheyounger Spike and Xander discover they have a couple of things in common.
White Knight, Black Knight
by Amejisuto Xander learns some new things about himself, and in the
process steps up to be a champion for those in need. Unfinished
by Reremouse He hadn't gone all the way through the soggy heart and dusty soul of bleeding Africa after Harris only to let the council bollocks up his recuperation.
With or Without by Whichclothes Things went differently in season 4. Spike never escaped from the Initiative, and vampires have been enslaved.
Fifteen years later, Xander finds him... Preview
Series by Spikedluv Spike
shows Xander that he doesn't need women...for anything. Preview
Woo Me With Words
by Dea Brynhild Ensomhet
Spikess Xander finds out that someone's been writing love poems to him, but who? wip
Workin' in a Winter Wonderland
by Whichclothes Several years post-series, Xander returns to California to go undercover as an elf--and encounters several surprises.
by Cleeaz Xander has left the scoobies and is living
a successful life running his own hand-crafted furniture business when Spike unexpectedly re-enters his life
A World of Their Own by Jameschick Set at the end of season five. Xander and Spike get sucked into a portal during the battle with Glory.
Doesn't by Tabaqui
Xander doesn't know why he stays, why he lost his friends, why his unconscious body seeks Spike's
in the bed.....
Xander Harris Has A Tiki Bar by Emelye Spike has slowly become a part of Xander's life
Xander On The Menu by Witchway Spike's been battered by a Hell-god. Xander tries to help. Preview
Xander's Diary by Druffine Angsty diary entries
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