Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Nothing’s mine, and they’re all lies.
Feedback: I need it more than I should.
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Author Notes: This goes in answer to [info]suki_blue‘s challenge, which prompted my muse to write this, much to my delight. *Hugs* Thank you so much! I’m just sorry I didn’t get the chance to post it on the date I’d originally intended to…*sheepish grin*

Summary: Love finds a way, and these lovers find it as well, at least, when it’s about setting things right.

Shared Need

Yours Truly

When the first threads of awareness returned, Spike wished they had stayed away.

Shocks of pain sizzled through his head in painful paths, and his senses felt as if dulled through a thick layer of cotton. He groaned softly, distantly aware of a voice droning on in a soothing rhythm next to his hear. The soft call of that voice helped, making the throbbing agony in his temples recede far enough that a semblance of coherency pushed through his muddled thoughts.


Hands. That's what Spike noticed next. There was the warm feeling of a hand running down his face, skimming over his features in an endless cycle. He leaned as far into the touch as he was able, which admittedly wasn't much, but whoever it was got the message, for the hand pressed gently against his cheek for a moment, the voice changing tones into an excited murmur.

What happened-?

There was a tickle of something logged into his memory, pushing him further into an unwanted feeling of consciousness. Spike groaned again, moving slightly, barely aware that someone was holding him down, and that he was lying in a soft bed. Minutes dragged by as he tried to gather enough energy to move, but finally his eyes fluttered open into a blissfully dark room.

Everything became a blurry haze of shadows for a moment, until Spike turned his head and met the smiling eyes of his lover.

Xander's here he realized, and the relief that flooded him made him sink back against the covers he lay in, basking in the warmth. Spike closed his eyes for a moment, headache smoothing slightly as he focused his slipping concentration on Xander's heartbeat next to him.

The hand's soothing path returned to touch him, tracing Spike's features in gentle movements that reminded him of the past he so rarely dwelt in, with a human heart of his own, and the warmth of sunlight. But the memories paled in comparison to this moment.

"Hey there," Xander's smooth voice whispered to him, finally understandable as Spike's senses returned to him one by one. Spike smiled at him faintly, kissing back when that mouth came closer, velvet lips on his.

The kiss was slow and sensuous, yet, Spike felt restless in it. He leaned farther into Xander, cursing his feeble strength when his arms began to shake with the pressure of holding his body up a few inches. Spike sighed, breaking the kiss, and stared up into those depthless eyes, knowing he ought to be worried about the weakened feeling in his limbs, barely aware that there was something important that he had to remember, if he could just focus...

"Are you all right, love?" Xander was whispering, trailing wet kisses down his throat.

Pain dismissed in an instant, Spike lifted a shaking hand to cradle Xander's head closer, grateful when his lover's warm one caught it in mid-air, cradling it as if it were precious.

The silken strands of Xander's hair were messy, as if he'd been lying next to Spike in here for ages.

And here would be- where, exactly? Is this home? Or- or somewhere else-?

"X-Xan..." Spike managed at last, frowning at the hoarse tone, and the weakness he could hear in his own voice. His throat felt like sandpaper, scrubbed raw as if he'd been- screaming? Suddenly the warmth of arousal that was rising up through Xander's sweet caresses froze in his body like ice, making Spike tense in Xander's hold.

Bloody hell, this is probably bad- Spike thought faintly, startling into painful awareness when the dreamy quality of the moment shattered. What happened? Why can't I move right? Xander?

Spike's eyes widened while he leaned away from the sweet lips that sought to leave marks on his throat, unconsciously breathing in little pants as he tried to recall what was going on.

Last thing he remembered was-- what?

"Xander. Xan, what-?" Spike winced at the stark panic he could hear in his voice, and was thus unsurprised at the worried expression Xander regarded him with as he immediately pulled away to meet Spike's eyes. The confusion and fear he felt must have shone through easily, because Xander softened his expression in a flash, hands moving to frame Spike's face in a loving grip that soothed his frayed nerves. "What happened?"

"Hey now, no panicking." Xander told him softly, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose. "I've been doing enough of that to last us a lifetime. Possibly two lifetimes. Or a vampire lifetime, you know? Forever? Unless you're a fledge, 'cause then you'd last like a day and Buffy would stake your ass before you could even think about worrying-"

"Xander," Spike interrupted quietly, biting back a grin that threatened to escape as his lover broke off talking with a sheepish grin. It was what he needed to relax, even if Xander's bubbling stream of words did very little to soothe the agony on Spike's temples. Right, no panicking. Xander was here, and if he was babbling, it meant things were okay. Or normal, at least. Because Xander seriously upset was deathly quiet, and hurt, and those eyes would widen like huge plates that rendered Spike defenceless and bloody hell if he wasn't babbling in his head like his boy by now!

"Xan, I don't remember anything-"

"I know. Give it a sec, Spike, it'll come to you." Xander said after a moment, and there was a gleam in those familiar eyes that told Spike that he should know, because it was something big floating between them like a soddin' Neikhlo demon. Big flying buggers, those were. But there was only a big Neikhlo sized blank in his mind, dripping with a headache that reminded him of-of-

Eyes widening, Spike sank back against the bed, looking up just in time to catch the smile that stole over Xander's face, at the same time he recognized the gleam lurking in his lover's eyes.


"The chip...?" Spike muttered incredulously, blinking slowly as one by one, the images tumbled back into his brain like they'd always been there.

The plans they'd made, the waiting, the demon's glowing eyes as it reached towards him to touch his face with a callous hand while Xander watched from the sidelines. Then white was everywhere. Electricity jumpstarting through Spike’s veins in a burning stream that tore a scream from his throat before he could control it, then the stinging blinding agony in his head as he felt something give, then-nothing.


"Xander, the chip! We tried to remove the chip! Did it work? Xander, is it out?" Spike muttered anxiously, searching those pretty smiling eyes that shone back at him with emotion. The answer seemed to be in there, glowing in neon letters, but Spike couldn't bring himself to fully believe it. Then Xander was helping him to sit up against the headboard, and reaching out a hand towards the dresser to pick up something and rest it on Spike's shaking hand.

It was the chip.

It was only a tiny little thing of bright metal, which shone even in the darkened room. Its surface had been scrubbed spotless, even while Spike could still smell the tang of his own blood on it, and it had Xander's fingerprints all over its surface, as if his lover hadn't stopped touching it once. Xander probably hadn't.

Spike stared down at it in a trance, blinking a few times and turning it around on his fingers, trying to relate it to the years of suffering it had caused him. The pain, the mockery, the humiliation, the-

"It's such a small thing," Spike muttered after a while, resting it back on his palm. Xander just nodded beside him, and his hand steadied the trembling on Spike's fingers. "Such a little thing, and it hurt me for years-"

Warm lips touched his cheek, and Spike felt the muscles of his jaw relax beneath the touch, the warmth of victory rushing through him in a sudden flash of adrenalin as he stared at the speck of metal in his hand. His fist closed over it in a vice grip fuelled by hatred, and not even his covalence could stop his right to bend it to an unrecognizable tangle.

"I've waited so long to do that," Spike muttered incredulously, choking on an edged laugh that escaped him unbidden. Numb fingers felt the edges of the metal sinking into his skin, but there was no pain that thing could give him. Never again. When he opened his fist again, the metal had bent into a strange curve, tiny cables visible in some places, where the electricity had been led into him. Taming him, making him vulnerable-never again.

"Jesus, Xan, did you see that? Do you know what it means, luv?"

"You're free," Xander whispered in his ear, warm breath making Spike shiver deliciously. Spike threw the metal away carelessly, feverish eyes looking into Xander's laughing ones. "You're free of it now, Spike. It can't hurt you anymore."

"Yeah," Spike laughed, unmindful of the pain that lingered everywhere as he leaned forward, taking Xander's lips with his own and plundering inside, searching and finding in that mouth the taste of happiness.

He murmured something unintelligible against those lips, elation running through his veins. The demon inside of him was howling in joy. A smile crept into Spike’s face, even as his tongue met Xander's in a heated duel that left them both reeling. Spike moaned in the back of his throat, restrained passion making his hands tingle as he rested them on Xander's head. They locked lips for long, endless minutes that Spike didn't want to end, unwilling to break the kiss even when Xander tried to, following him as he leant away.

Not afraid to push a little further. Not afraid of having the fucking chip ruin their moment. Not afraid of losing Xander because he couldn't defend him.

Not afraid for the first time in so long-

The first contact of skin of skin came as a shock for both of them. Spike pulled away briefly, watching Xander's flushed countenance and swollen lips with hungry eyes. His head threatened to split in two, but in that moment, it couldn't be less important.

Fumbling hands had been moving without his participation, divesting layers of clothing that fell away in a blur. Spike moaned against Xander's neck, deftly unbuttoning the top button of the jeans Xander was wearing. The shirt had been lost somewhere along the way, and those warm hands were pulling Spike's shirt up, up his chest, ready to discard it when it stuck on Spike's arms, and they had to stop kissing for another moment, laughing.

Then their eyes met. And they knew. It was time.

"Pet, what if it works?" Spike had asked one night, trailing kisses down a quivering body stretched out for him alone. "Its' easy to say we’ll do it now, when it's just a possibility. It's- it's different afterwards. You don't have to do anything Xander; I don't want you to feel obligated-"

"Spike, stop." Xander said then, cutting into his monologue, and the seriousness in that voice made Spike look up uncertainly, allowing big hands to draw him back up for a short kiss. "I'm sure. We don't know if it'll work, Spike, but we have to try. I don't want you to be- leashed like this forever. I hate how much it hurts you, how much it haunts you. We'll take it out, okay? Then-then, we'll see about the rest..."

Xander smiled at him sweetly, rolling them over until the human was on top of him. Despite Spike's vocal protestations, his body was grateful for the needed respite, weakened muscles shaking with exhaustion. Then he was looking up into that serene gaze, and he knew what Xander wanted. What they both wanted. Inside of him, the demon roared-

"Xan, you..." Spike began haltingly, but Xander kissed him, and shushed him easily.

Xander moved back just long enough to shed his jeans, then his warmth was back, and deft hands removed the remaining stitches of Spike's clothes. A hand touched his cock, teasing, caressing, and Spike's hips bucked up with a moan.

"We can finally do this, Spike," Xander was whispering, and the frenzied pace of his movements halted completely as he spoke. Cock throbbing painfully, Spike forced himself to stop as well, to look up into those determined eyes that didn't flinch back from the question in his. "You were out for so long, Spike, just lying there, pale, and still, and quiet, and all I could think about was what if he doesn't wake up again? What if this doesn't work? -"

"Shh, now, pet," Spike whispered sweetly, smiling, leering, really, as he ran his hands down that smooth chest above his, tweaking the nipples so temptingly presented. Xander moaned softly, looking down at him, hands resting on Spike's hips, but the insecure light in Xander’s eyes didn't go away.

Spike sighed, moving his hands lower, taking a hold of Xander's shaft and squeezing, teasing his balls lightly with the pad of the fingers of his other hand. Xander closed his eyes for a moment, smiling and thrusting his hips against the teasing touch, then his own hands moved down, taking a firm hold of Spike's cock and pumping it a few times, laughing at the helpless noises the vampire made.

Xander bent down quickly to steal a long kiss, nipping gently over Spike's lips, then more sharply with his teeth, until there was a small tang of blood in their kiss. Spike groaned, squeezing Xander's cock a little tighter, while the boy thrust his tongue inside Spike's mouth and ravished it.

"I wouldn't be leaving you alone that easily, now would I?" Spike asked in between kisses, words punctuated by a shared breath and a small smile that made Xander's frown dissipate into nothing. A wet hand suddenly touched his cock, making Spike gasp, while Xander grinned him and showed him the lube he'd taken from beneath a pillow.

"Smart chap, you are," Spike laughed breathlessly. He gasped loudly when that warm hand began stroking his cock in leisurely moves, making him writhe against Xander’s touch.

A thousand times Spike cursed his weakness, when he tried to roll Xander over, and felt the muscles in his arm shake when met with Xander's weight.

"We'll do it this way," Xander told him softly, kissing the corner of Spike’s lips.

Afterwards, there were no more words. Just kissing and thrusting, and a sensual slide of bodies that moved in a well practiced dance. Spike's skin heated against Xander's, stealing en edge of that warmth for himself as Xander nuzzled every spot of skin he could reach.

Xander massaged Spike’s cock in a slick hand for long minutes, warming the lube with the endless friction and driving Spike insane, before raising himself up and stopping his movements long enough to meet Spike's eyes. A beat of silence followed, in which their uncontrolled breathing echoed loudly in the room. Words weren't necessary.

Xander smiled gently and stole another kiss as he slowly brought down his lower body, stretching himself on Spike's cock. One smooth glide, and then Spike was buried to the hilt, Xander's eyes having fallen closed.

They remained like that for a long minute, in which Spike's hands wandered feverishly, hungrily, the need to thrust up and take so strong he had to physically fight back the demon features that threatened to emerge. Then Xander opened his eyes, and those smooth hands rose up to touch Spike's face, relaxing the muscles and meeting his gaze steadily, unperturbed by the yellow line Spike was sure must be there.

Another kiss, then Xander nuzzled down to Spike's throat, breathing wet pants into the skin. Spike's hands travelled down to his lover's hips, bracing themselves, and trying to raise Xander's head, to know if it was okay to move. A sudden sharp pain by his throat let him know his answer as Xander bit him deeply; unravelling the thinning control Spike had so far managed. The demon rose up to the surface, ridges breaking over his features, but it didn't stop his lover from kissing him and licking around his fangs as Spike thrust up into Xander's warmth.

It was perfect. It was finally perfect because they were equals. Because Xander didn't have to deal with the knowledge of being the only one that could hurt his lover, while Spike couldn’t fight back. Perfect, because Spike could let go of those edges of fear, the tinkling of the demon's warnings; like a scream, on his senses, the demon had shook in fear, because even as Spike loved Xander with everything he had, even as he trusted unconditionally, his instincts shouted that Xander was the enemy and danger and stronger, because of a piece of metal that kept Spike’s own strength locked away.

Freedom. Xander had given him freedom.

Spike moaned loudly, thrusting up into Xander desperately, until strong hands were there, easing the movement of his hips, holding him steady as the human smiled down at him and moved up, then down, moving and teasing until they'd established a rhythm that had them howling, unmindful of thin walls on not too expensive apartments, or the lady next door who smiled lecherously whenever she saw them in the mornings.

It didn't matter. They were one.

And when Spike felt the first tingles of pressure building, he looked up and met Xander's hooded eyes and knew there was no other perfect moment. There were no words, no ceremony to be had. It was just them, and the freedom they'd finally been granted to stand on equal ground. And as such, they just shared a long kiss, before Xander’s hand pumped Spike a little faster, and Spike teased Xander as he held the twitching cock in his left hand, right one brushing Xander's neck.

Xander leant down slowly then, twisting his head to the side openly, smiling all the way.

And Spike couldn't think. There were instincts screaming at him to feed, kill, hunt, the demon’s frenzied please urged by a part of Spike that had long been denied. But there was Xander. With him, around him, inside him- it wasn't a hard choice. Spike would never hurt his boy.

Spike bent his head slightly and smiled against that skin, exploding into orgasm the second his fangs pierced the skin for the first time. His mark. Xander moaned loudly in his ear, and distantly, Spike was ware of a wet feeling on his stomach, but it was hardly important.

The first taste of blood was ambrosia.

His fangs imbedded themselves on Xander's skin, exactly around the spot Spike had licked and nipped a hundred times before, always forced to stop as his instincts were denied. Not now. He sucked slowly, pulling the blood from Xander's skin, feeling the liquid slosh around his throat, overloading his senses with the taste, the feel, the smell of Xander. His Xander. His lover, his mate, his boy, his owner, all rolled into a few drops of liquid that he drew with all the love he felt for the human above him.

With gentle pressure, more blood poured out, and Spike couldn't stop tasting it, drinking it, couldn't stop feeling it everywhere, as what it was. Bonding. Life. Trust. Unlimited trust. He was whole again, once again the kind of monster that his lover fought at night, and yet Spike was loved, and trusted, and welcomed, and given so much-

With a few nips and licks, Spike drew back, closing his eyes against the roaring of his demon. The hunger in him dulled, as slowly, feelings accumulated for years, melted away to the steady beat of Xander's heart. For long moments he rested his head on Xander's shoulder, panting, tasting every drop upon his tongue. Feeling his cock snugly resting still between Xander's cheeks, he sighed, content.

The urge to lunge and take what was his was strong, but his love was stronger.

"Spike?" He heard Xander's sluggish voice ask, and he grinned faintly, looking up as Xander straightened up on his haunches and met his eyes. The half-lidded, glazed look in those eyes made his demon step back for sure. The smile afterwards made him forget he even was a demon. "That was-"

Silence. Spike smiled back lazily, features shifting back into his human features. Xander just smiled at him and slowly, ever so slowly pulled himself away, Spike's cock slipping from his hole. Then he reached out and pulled the covers loose on one side of the bed, rolling between the sheets, and gently dragging Spike with him. Then they were both settled, Xander stretched out on his back, while Spike, head on Xander's shoulder, traced idle patterns on his lover's chest.

Silence. But it wasn't awkward, or strange. It was- right.

"I love you," Xander whispered after a while, and Spike smiled, looking up to press his lips against Xander's, repeating those same words against them. Then he slid his mouth down to touch his mark. A rushing tide of pride filled him as he saw it, deep red on Xander's tanned skin. "I want to do that a thousand times over, you know? Never leave this. Never stop feeling this way about you."

"Same here, pet," Spike murmured drowsily, morose thoughts creeping around the corners of his bliss as he lay his head down on Xander's chest, close to his heartbeat. "Same here."

Silence. But it wasn't charged with unspoken questions. They knew what cards were on the table.

But even while he knew, Spike wasn't ready when a hand touched his face and lifted it. Their eyes met. And the promise in that gaze made him freeze on Xander's hold.

"Xan?" Spike said softly, floundering for the right words. But as before, it seemed, there were none. So Xander just smiled, and kissed him deeply, fingering the new mark on his neck while his other hand ran through Spike's hair in a soothing rhythm. Spike lay back against Xander's chest, and imagined. Imagined Xander's demon and his bloodlust, imagined cold flesh against his own. Deathly silence on his lover's body.

And Spike didn't like the thought.

"There are other ways, you know," Xander told him after a moment, still petting him, and Spike stilled, blinking up at his lover's smiling face. And those eyes that whispered forever without knowing what it meant. "We'll find a way, Spike."

"Xander-" Spike whispered softly, his own eyes trying to explain forever. But the love to be found in Xander's eyes seemed to know the true meaning of the word, even if the boy didn't, and Spike's heart rejoiced.

The End

I'd like S/X with the boys in an established relationship. Plot: Spike has just got the chip out and he gets his first real taste of Xander. I'd like them to contemplate eternity together. Romantic with a happy ending and some hot bloodplay.


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