Amends, Friendship and Moving On


by
Xandercordy1



Part Thirteen

When Spike got to the ICU he didn't need the woman to tell him where Xander was. He could smell his scent and hear his voice. His very hoarse voice. Xander was awake. Xander was awake and not in a good mood. Who would be after all this? Spike thought. And it was going to get worse before it got better. Someone had to tell Xander about his parents and Spike was pretty sure it was going to be him.

"I don't wanna take it." Spike grinned. Xander sounded like a four-year old. "I'm not a fucking pincushion." Make that a four-year old with a potty mouth, Spike amended, his grin widening.

"Mr. Harris, Dr. Moreheart has instructed us to give you a-----"

"Mr. Harris is my father. I'm Xander. And still a big, fat no on the shot." Spike entered the room to see Xander giving the nurse his own version of Willow's 'resolve' face. He walked to the bed and smiled down at the boy.

"You been giving these people a hard time, luv?"

"I'm tired of being stuck," Xander indicated his arms where several i.v.'s were attached. "I hate needles. Don't want that shot."

"Sir, he has to have this. Xander's very susceptible to infection right now and he needs this vaccination."

"Is this the last of the needles?" She nodded and Spike turned to Xander. "Last one, Xan. Don't worry, this one won't hurt."

"They always hurt."

"Not when I'm here. I'll make the pain go away." Spike leaned down, placing several gentle kisses along Xander's cheek and up his jaw, stopping at his ear. "Concentrate on me, Xander. Feel me giving you my strength, feel my kisses"...he placed a few gentle kisses behind Xander's ear..."hear my voice soothing you. We'll get through this and nothing will ever hurt you again, I swear." *Not even me* he mentally added.

Xander never felt the needle, all his attention on the man he had come to love. As Spike kissed and coddled him, Xander's brain tried to function. Had he missed something? Spike had never kissed him before had he? Nah, Xander was sure he would remember that, even if he was confused at the moment. Confused and aroused. Xander opened his eyes to find himself staring into Spike's blue ones.

"Uh, Spike...not that I don't appreciate...what you're doing...I mean, what you did...cause of the needle...but what happened?"

"You don't remember anything?" Spike grew concerned when Xander attempted to shake his head only to wince in pain. Spike turned to face the nurse who gave him a reassuring smile.

"Confusion is normal after surgery. I'm sure Xander will start to remember things soon. We can't be sure how soon or even if he'll have total recall because of his head injury. His memory might come back to him in little pieces or all at once. It will take a while for Xander to recuperate." She took another needle out, filling it with medicine.

"I thought you said he didn't have to---"

"This goes in his i.v., it will help with the pain. He won't feel a thing." Spike watched the nurse put the medicine into the i.v. "Try to make sure he doesn't move around a lot. Dr. Moreheart will be around in case you have any further questions. And you get some rest." The nurse patted Xander's arm before leaving the room.

"And once again I say, huh? What surgery?"

"Didn't they tell you anything when you woke up?"

"No, I just assumed my dad...well, you know." Xander's tone was flippant, but Spike saw the tears welling in the boy's eyes. *Damn his father*. The man had hurt Xander so many times before and now Spike was going to have to tell Xander that Tony had hurt him once again. Before Spike could gather the courage to tell Xander the bad news, the rest of the group entered the room. Willow ran to the other side of the bed, taking Xander's free hand in hers, leaning in for a kiss.

"God, Xander you had me scared to death."

"I did?"

"Yeah, you took a pretty good beating." Oz patted him on the leg. Spike felt Xander tense, knowing what the boy was thinking. Angel noticed Xander's agitation and put his hand on the boy's other leg.

"It was a car wreck, Xander." He and Spike were relieved when Xander seemed to calm down.

"Buffy said to give you a hug...she'd be here herself, but they told her to rest." Willow gave Xander a hug. "Hopefully, Buffy can visit you later on today or tomorrow."

"Knowing Buffy, I'd imagine it will be later today." Giles grinned at Xander, suddenly noticing how upset the boy appeared to be. "Xander, she really is going to be fine."

"I...what are you...I don't...." Xander mumbled, trying his best to work through the fog in his brain. Suddenly, images came to his mind. He and Buffy talking, lights weaving back and forth, their screams as they spun round and round, turning to see another pair of lights, a loud crash and then....darkness. "Oh, fuck. I thought we were going to die."

"Xander, you're alright, luv." He took a moment to look at the concerned faces of his friends while he tried to calm himself down. Okay, so he had been in a wreck...a very scary, bad wreck with Buffy. They said Buffy was fine...he was still alive...this was of the good right? He tried to pay attention to what Spike was saying.

"I was going to tell him but no one gave me the chance. Now, thanks to you lot, Xander's not only confused...he's scared." Xander gave Spike's hand a weak squeeze, making the vampire stop talking, his blue eyes coming to rest on Xander's face.

"I had to remember sooner or later, Spike. Geez, don't you think I was already scared and confused because....." Xander stopped in mid-sentence, those last words playing in his mind. Scared and confused. Hadn't he said those same words to Spike earlier for some reason? He stared at Spike, images again forming in his mind. The Bronze, the dance, Spike and Faith, telling Spike how he felt, Spike leaving with...."Faith." The girl's name slipped out and Xander watched Spike's face, anger being replaced with shame, the fear Xander had been seeing still evident.

"No, Buffy was with you not Faith....what?" Cordelia asked Angel, who had taken her by the arm and was leading her towards the door, motioning the others to follow. Spike and Xander needed to talk...alone.

"I think we've upset Xander enough. Why don't we all go home and get some rest....it's been a long night."

"Yes, I think I'll stop by and check on Buffy before going home," Giles followed, reluctant to leave but seeing that something was definitely going on between Xander and Spike that needed a resolution. He would get some answers when Xander was feeling better and living with him. Giles had already made up his mind that Xander was going to live with him, at least until they found out what was going to happen to the boy's parents. Willow stood beside the bed, seeing the emotions on Spike and Xander's faces, once again wondering what the hell was going on between the two of them. Oz gave her hand a gentle tug.

"Let's go baby. You're looking beyond tired." Willow nodded, giving Xander a quick kiss on the cheek. Xander didn't seem to notice, he was fixated on the blonde vampire in front of him. Angel waited for the others to pass by before speaking to Spike.

"I'll be back to check on you two later. I'm going to sit with Buffy for a while." Spike nodded his head, never breaking eye contact with Xander. Angel shook his head as he exited the room, hoping Xander and Spike could get past this next hurdle in their relationship. He was very worried about both of them.


~*~*~*~*~


A few minutes had passed since they heard the click of the door and still Spike and Xander continued to stare at each other, neither knowing how to begin expressing what they were feeling. Xander was hurting, not only physically but mentally, images tearing through his mind and heart, leaving him to wonder why Spike was here with him. Hadn't Spike rejected him? Spike was also reliving those moments, wishing he could take back what he had done. If he had only told Xander the truth, maybe this wouldn't have happened. The memories of Xander lying in the ER room, the long wait while he was in surgery and his own fight with the boy's father still fresh in Spike's mind had him yearning to grab Xander and take him somewhere where there was just the two of them, forever. The minutes ticked away, the only sounds in the room coming from the machines attached to Xander.

"You left with Faith, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did."

"After I told you how I felt, after you rejected me, you left with her."

"Think we covered that, luv."

"You slept with her." It wasn't a question, just a quiet statement but Spike felt Xander was waiting for an answer.

"Yes." Xander pulled his hand away from Spike's, turning his face so the vampire couldn't see how upset he was. "Xander----"

"Were you still with her when the....were you still there?"

"Yes, but----"

"Then I guess you should get back. You don't want to keep her waiting. Sorry I messed up your evening."

"You didn't mess---"

"Probably shouldn't have come down here in the first place. I bet Faith's mad."

"Fuck Faith."

"No thanks, Spike. I don't like sloppy seconds." Xander's voice held a bitter tone Spike had never heard before. "What am I saying? I've never had any tiny little bit of sex so who am I to complain? Besides, you two are very experienced and I'm not so I think I'll pass...but you go on ahead. You've done the 'friend' bit and the last thing I need is your pity."

"I'm not here because I pity you, Xander." Spike was getting angry now. "I came because I care about you. What happened between Faith and me was a mistake. It didn't----"

"It didn't mean anything...you were thinking about me the whole time...blah, blah, blah. How many times, Spike?"

"What?"

"How many times did you have...how many?"

"Don't know. I wasn't counting---"

"More than once?"

"Yeah. Xander what----" Why was the boy asking him these questions?

"So I'm guessing you didn't scream my name when you came or you would have been tossed out on your ass after the first time. You weren't thinking about me at all." There was the answer. "So I guess at least one of us had a happy New Year's Eve. Know what I was doing, Spike? I was sitting at the Bronze watching my friends ring in the new year with the one they loved, watching them kiss and hold one another as they made plans for the future."

"Xander----" Spike tried to interrupt, but Xander kept on talking as if Spike had never spoken, all his feelings pouring out. Xander didn't know if it was the pain medicine that was making it so easy for him to bare his feelings and right now he didn't care. He was tired of keeping them bottled up all the time, tired of pretending he never got hurt, tired of being strong for everyone else...so very tired of everything.

"So I made my New Year's Resolution right then and there. I decided I would quit opening up my heart just to have it stomped on. I told myself that I was done playing the fool, done falling in love with people who never think I'm good enough for them, done setting myself up for the fall. And guess what? No more than ten minutes after I make this resolution, I break it. My dad came to the Bronze looking for his keys, we had an...argument and I told him I loved him. Stupid thing to tell him, I know, but unfortunately it's true. Know what he told me? 'Only idiots believe in love'. And for once he was right." Xander realized he sounded like a self-pitying fool but he didn't care. He ached all over, his heart was broken and he didn't give a damn anymore.
"Why are you still here? Just go. Go back to Faith and leave me the hell alone."

Spike had listened to Xander's diatribe, a myriad of emotions running through him. Self-loathing, guilt, anger and most of all love for Xander. The love he felt for Xander was trying to rein in his temper, but it wasn't quite working. Okay, so he had been an arse at the Bronze but Xander was acting like one now. What gave Xander the right to tell him to leave without at least hearing Spike out? Spike had been stressed out for quite some time and Xander's attitude wasn't helping anything. He took Xander's chin in his hand, forcing the boy to look at him.

"I've listened to what you had to say...now it's my turn." Xander tried to turn away, but Spike wouldn't let him. "You are bloody well going to listen to me, Xander. You're wrong. I wasn't happy. I've been ashamed, angry, worried and fucking scared out of my soddin' head, but not happy. I shouldn't have turned you away but I did because I was scared. Scared of the feelings I have for you. You're not the only one whose ever had their heart broken. I've never been lucky in love either, pet. Everyone I ever loved has walked away from me or looked down on me. When Dru left, I made the decision that I would never care about anyone ever again. Just in it for the good times is what I told myself. No more commitment...just one night stands. That's why I hooked up with Faith instead of you. Yeah, I slept with her but at least I could walk away and not look back. Xander, if it had been you....I could never use you like that. I thought...I hoped that being with someone else would make me forget about you but it didn't help. All it did was make me want you more. I thought pretending I didn't love you would make the feelings go away. I just wanted them to stop. When I heard you were...God, I hurt so bad. I was afraid I would never get the chance to tell you how much I love you." Spike waited for Xander's reaction, wondering if he was going to be turned away or welcomed with open arms. He was unprepared for the scent of fear that suddenly filled the room. Hell, he hadn't even let half of his anger loose so what was this about?

"Oh, God. Spike, am I going to die?"

"What? No!"

"Fuck, I must be paralyzed." Xander slowly moved his legs, moaning from the pain it caused.

"Xander, stop wiggling, you silly git. You're gonna hurt yourself." Spike gently held him still.

"Is my face deformed?" Xander's hands went to his face, trying to feel any sudden changes that might alert him to massive scarring or some other hideous thing, like a missing nose. *No, it was still there*. Spike waited a moment before taking Xander's hands away from his face.

"Nothing wrong with your face, luv. It's as perfect as it ever was...except for a big lump on your forehead and some scratches the doc said would go away in a few weeks. Plus, you got a shiner on your left eye and a bruise on your cheek. These come from your dad?" Xander nodded. "Soddin' wanker! I shoulda killed him when I had the chance."

"You tried to kill my father?" Spike nodded. "Why?"

"Long story, pet."

"Doesn't look like I'll be going anywhere anytime soon." Spike motioned towards the bed. He wanted to be holding Xander when he told the boy about his father.

"Can I lay there with you? Kinda tired...been a long night." Xander looked at Spike...really looked. Spike was paler than usual and he had dark circles under his eyes. Another wave of fear went through him. "Are you going to die?" Spike stared at Xander for a moment before laughing.

"Already dead, luv. Bloody hell, you must have really hit that noggin of yours cause you're talking crazier than usual."

"You know what I mean, Spike. Can vampires turn to dust from undernourishment or no sleep?"

"It would take more than one day for that to happen, Xander." Xander sighed in relief while Spike continued to stare at him, trying to figure out what was going on in his boy's head. "What's all this about?" Xander shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess it's because you said you loved me. I figured something really bad was going to happen."

"Just cause I told you how I feel?"

"That's the only reason someone like you would love someone like me....cause you know....with you being you and me being ordinary....figured you were taking pity on me." Xander saw the anger on Spike's face and suddenly wished he could run, because he would be making tracks right now if he could.

"Never let me hear you say something like that again. I'm a fucking vampire. We don't take pity on humans. And you're anything but ordinary." Spike's expression softened. "You're special." He leaned down until he was bare inches from Xander's mouth. "One of a kind." Spike closed the gap, taking Xander's mouth in a long, gentle kiss. A slow, burning tingle went through his body. Xander's kiss was better than he had ever imagined it would be. They finally parted, both of them panting from the emotions the kiss had stirred within them. "Can I get in the bed now, Xander?" Xander could only nod, unable to speak after Spike's kiss. He had never felt anything like that before in his entire life. Spike walked to the other side of the bed, toeing off his shoes while pulling his shirt off. Xander took in the sight of Spike's perfect abdomen, his pale skin that was almost the color of marble, watched the play of muscles along Spike's back and sighed.

"Beautiful. Just like I dreamed you would be." Spike smirked, clearly enjoying the attention and the way Xander's face had turned red when he realized what he had said. He pulled back the covers, sliding into bed next to Xander, making sure to tuck both of them in. Spike turned on his side, propping his head on his hand and staring down at his love. His hand ghosted across the bruises, the stitches and cuts that lined Xander's body. The boy smelled of love, hope and pain. "Medicine not helping with the pain, Xander?"

"Yeah, it's helping," Xander lied. "But having you next to me is better than anything the nurses could find. Hey, maybe they should bottle your TLC. They could call it 'the Spike sedative'. Good for whatever ails you.

"Don't think I qualify as a sedative, Xander. I tend to keep people awake when I'm in bed with them. Never had anyone fall asleep on me...pass out, maybe, but never fall asleep. Still, maybe I should ring the nurse...have her bring you something to help you sleep."

"Don't want to sleep. Want to enjoy this for a few minutes before you tell me why you tried to kill my dad." There was a long silence before Xander spoke again. "Let me help you out. Mom and Dad came to the hospital, drunk and pissed off because their idiot son managed to land himself in the hospital again. They probably said a few things about how stupid I was, how I always managed to get into trouble and ruin their plans, you were upset about the wreck anyway so when they started ranting you decided to shut them up. How'm I doing so far?"

"Not too good, pet. Oh, fuckin' hell, Xander, there's no easy way to tell you so I'll just say it. Your mom never came to the hospital and the reason your dad showed up was because the police brought him in." Xander tensed, worry clearly on his face.

"God, Spike don't tell me....he's not dead is he? Did he have a wreck or something? Was anyone else hurt? How bad is he...fuck, don't tell me he's dead...please, don't say he's dead. Why did I let him have those stupid keys? I'm such an idiot!" All Xander could think about was his dad lying dead in the morgue because of alcohol...just the thing he'd always worried would happen. Spike wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes, cursing Tony once again. How could he treat Xander like he did when the boy worried about him like this?

"Xander, he was fine when they brought him in. Course after I got through with him he was out cold with marks on his neck where I tried to strangle him to death. Gonna have one hell of a headache but the bastard deserved more than that."

"What did he do, Spike?"

"Xander, do you remember exactly what happened?" Xander nodded.

"We were hit by a car right after some drunk driver hit....Spike, no. Please tell me it wasn't my dad who...he didn't even stop...tell me it wasn't him." Spike never said a word, but the look in his eyes told Xander everything he needed to know. "Did he turn himself in?" Spike shook his head, gently threading his fingers through Xander's hair. "Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was a big mistake."

"Sorry, luv." Spike told Xander what had happened in Buffy's room, trying his best to omit the worst of it, especially the part where Tony blamed Xander and Buffy. From Xander's appearance, Spike could tell the boy was on the verge of breaking down completely.

"What about my mom? Does she know?"

"Yeah, luv."

"Tried to cover for him, didn't she?" Spike nodded and Xander sighed.

"She's been doing that all her life. So have I, but not anymore. He could have killed Buffy tonight." Xander's voice was filled with anger now. "He can do whatever he wants to me, but not to my friends. Dad has to pay for this Spike."

"He will Xander. He will." They lay together for a long while, Spike holding Xander, soothing the boy by playing with his hair. He tried to get the boy to fall asleep but Xander refused, too worked up by the thought of what his father had done, this new twist to his and Spike's relationship and how badly he ached. Finally a nurse entered the room and after taking the necessary hematocrit tests, gave Xander a shot in his i.v.

"This is a sedative. Dr. Moreheart wants Xander to get plenty of rest and it seems like he's fighting it." Spike agreed, watching the boy trying to keep his eyes open as the sedative started taking affect.

"Xander, quit fighting it, luv. You need to get some rest and so do I."

"I'm afraid, Spike. I'm afraid to close my eyes, afraid to go to sleep because I'll wake up and you won't be here." Spike gave Xander a gentle kiss, pulling him close, being ever mindful of the boy's injuries.

"Don't need to worry about that, pet. I'm not getting up. Now be a good boy and get some rest."

"Promise me, Spike. Promise you'll be here when I wake up." Xander gave Spike his best puppy dog stare and Spike's heart melted.

"I'll be here. Only one question. Now that we've cleared the air between us, are you sure you want me here?" Xander smiled sleepily, mumbling so low if Spike hadn't been a vampire he wouldn't have heard the words.

"Always, Spike. Don't know how it happened, but I've fallen in love with you." Spike put his head on Xander's shoulder, basking in the warmth from Xander's body and his declaration of love. Evidently, Xander was as clueless as he was about how their relationship had gone from friendship to love in such a short time.

"God, we're quite a pair, aren't we, luv?"


~*~*~*~*~


It had been six weeks since the accident, the doctor had finally cleared Xander to resume his normal activities and the boy was ecstatic and very hyper. Spike couldn't help but laugh at the rather exuberant way Xander was dancing with Willow and Cordelia. The graceful dancer he had seen on New Year's Eve being replaced with the boy Spike had first glimpsed dancing with Willow and Buffy. A carefree spirit, enjoying the music, making the girls laugh and not giving a damn what other people thought.

"Are you sure Xander's well enough to be out there dancing?" Buffy asked the two vampires, concern evident on her pretty face.

"Positive. If he weren't, Spike would have put a stop to it, believe me. Let Xander enjoy himself...get rid of some of the energy he's had pent up...please. I honestly don't know how much more 'hyper Xander' I can take." Angel was practically begging, causing Buffy and Spike to laugh at him. They all knew what Angel was talking about. In the weeks following the accident, Xander's moods had taken them all on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. At first, it hadn't been too bad. Xander had been a very good patient, doing everything Spike and Angel told him without question even though he was in a great deal of pain. Xander had been grateful to them for welcoming him into their home. The whole gang had been adamant about Xander not returning to his parent's home, especially when the police let them go with a fine and a slap on the arm, just as Spike had predicted. No way were they going to allow him to stay there any longer...not when they knew what kind of parents Xander actually had. Joyce and Giles had both extended invitations for Xander to live with them, but in the end Spike and Angel had won the argument. Xander had been touched by the fact that so many people were willing to have him around and it had humbled the boy to the point that he was like a little puppy, willing to do whatever it took to make sure Spike and Angel didn't regret having him around. That lasted for the first couple of weeks and then all hell had broken loose.

Gone was the accepting, pliant patient, being replaced with an irritable, sharp-tongued brat. Everyone had tried to overlook Xander's mood, knowing the accident, his father's involvement and the pain were taking their toll on Xander. They had done their best to keep Xander entertained. Angel had told him stories about growing up in Ireland, Willow and Cordelia had come by with homework and lots of gossip about what was happening at school, Oz had spent hours teaching Xander how to play the guitar, Buffy had dropped by to tell Xander about the latest demons being fought on the Hellmouth, Joyce had visited, bringing some of Xander's favorite foods that they could eat with Spike while watching Passions, and Giles had dropped by with chocolate, staying for many hours teaching Xander how to play chess. Spike had stayed by Xander's side the entire time, leaving only when the need to go out and kill something had fueled his desire to patrol with the others. He had been amazed at how the gang had rallied around Xander. Spike had always known the Scoobies were a tight knit group, but he had never realized just how close they were until now. Spike found himself respecting them more and more as the weeks went by. He had expected their visits to be less frequent as time wore on but that never happened, even when Xander was at his worst. Yes, Buffy would come out of the bedroom, mumbling something about men being total assholes when they were sick, Willow would emerge, a hurt look on her face as she yelled, "Alexander Lavelle Harris you can be the most obnoxious bastard when you want to be!", Giles would come out polishing his glasses and muttering about how Xander was an ungrateful, ignorant young man, Cordelia would make a loud exit, threatening to rip Xander a new one and cursing a blue streak that amazed even Spike, Angel would threaten to toss the boy out on his ear but in the end, they all came back, trying once again to help the boy they all loved. Spike had tolerated Xander's ups and downs longer than anyone, which had surprised not only him but everyone else as well. They had to admit that if Spike, a supposedly soulless, evil vampire could put up with an obnoxious, mean spirited, hateful version of their friend longer than them without killing him, then it was definitely love. Finally, Xander had pushed Spike too far when he started ranting about Faith, how many times Spike had tried to kill him, how Spike was only keeping Xander around as a replacement for Dru...likening his condition to Dru's craziness. That had been the straw that broke the camel's back. Spike had told Xander in no uncertain terms just what an utter asshole Xander had become, making a comment about how the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Being compared to his father had infuriated Xander and it had been two days before Xander would let Spike anywhere near him. Xander had gotten upset when his friends had taken Spike's side in the argument but it had forced him to take a good long look at himself, and Xander hadn't liked what he had seen. He had finally broken down in Spike's arms, asking the vampire for forgiveness and begging Spike not to leave him.

After his three week check-up, Xander was allowed to take walks, starting with half an hour and progressing to more time as the days passed. This seemed to help lighten Xander's mood. The boy had enjoyed walking with the entire gang, but he seemed the happiest when it was just him and Spike. They would walk through Sunnydale, staying away from the shadows, blending into the crowds so as not to be attacked. While Spike wasn't worried about himself, he was scared to death that something would hurt Xander again, causing the boy to have a setback or...no, Spike wouldn't allow himself to go that far. They had held hands, stopping for an occassional kiss or to look in a store window.

Angel and Spike had dipped into their savings, both of them buying Xander new clothes so they could throw the old ones away. This had come about after Xander had let it slip that he was tired of everyone making fun of his fashion sense, saying that he did the best he could since he had to get his clothes at Goodwill or garage sales. Both of them had exchanged a glance which clearly said those days were past. Xander had been overwhelmed when they announced they were going shopping to buy him clothes and they had spent over an hour doing just that. Angel and Spike had grumbled about going shopping with Buffy and Xander, but inwardly they had as much fun as the teenagers. They had spent the entire time laughing at Buffy as she fussed over the boy and had especially enjoyed the argument the two of them had had over an especially loud shirt that Xander wanted but Buffy refused to let him have. They had finally compromised on a pair of lime green pajamas with big yellow bees on them. Buffy had made Xander promise not to wear them while she was visiting and the two vampires had scowled at the girl when she happily reminded them that they would be the ones having to look at them.

They had finished the shopping trip with a stop at the local pizza parlor. Afterwards, Xander had thanked the vampires and Buffy repeatedly for buying the clothes and taking the time to help him choose them. Buffy had hugged Xander, saying he was worth it and the look on Xander's face had told them how much this had meant to him. Both Angel and Spike could tell that Xander wasn't used to having anyone coddle him and Spike was determined to change that.

Angel and Buffy had gone on patrol while Spike had taken Xander home. Xander had put the clothes away, reverently touching every shirt and pair of pants as tears threatened to fall but never did. Xander had insisted on wearing the pajamas to bed, Spike had argued that he wouldn't get any sleep due to the glare but in the end, Xander had won the argument. When they had gotten into bed, Xander had kissed Spike before sleepily telling him that this had been the best night of his life. That statement had almost broken Spike's heart, knowing that such a simple gesture had meant so much to Xander. As Xander had fallen asleep in his arms, Spike had held him, stroking his long, silky hair and vowing that there would be many more 'best nights' for the boy.

Spike sat back on the couch and continued to watch his boy dance, listening to Angel and Buffy talk as he got caught up in more memories. He marveled at how relaxed he was around the group of teens. If someone had told him that he would end up falling in love with a human and becoming friends with the slayer and her gang of do-gooders he would have laughed at them before ripping their heart out. The gang had been cautious about Spike and Xander's growing closeness, wondering about Spike's intentions and Xander's sudden attraction for another man, especially when that man wasn't technically a man but a vampire, the very thing that Xander had always insisted he hated. It had taken a while for them to be comfortable around Spike but now he was as much a part of the group as Angel. Spike knew a lot of their acceptance came from the fact that they trusted Angel's opinion of his childe and their desire to see Xander happy. Still, he couldn't help but feel that they had come to actually like him for himself. After Buffy and Giles' promises of staking Spike if he hurt Xander in any way and Willow's 'shovel talk', which somehow was more frightening than the previous threats of staking, everyone had gone about their lives as usual. The walls had come down and Spike had found himself getting to know the group as they were getting to know him. They trusted him, came to him for advice about how to kill certain demons or to help with certain transcripts written in languages they didn't know and even included him in patrolling. Spike in turn had taken to teasing Buffy and Cordelia, protecting Oz and Willow from the nasties they encountered and making them all laugh with his sarcastic wit.

Spike smiled as he remembered one particular night. Spike had found out how much Xander loved the water by eavesdropping on one of Willow's and Xander's conversation about their trips to the beach. He had seen the way Xander's face lit up when he talked about how beautiful the ocean was, especially at night time. He had followed Willow outside and they had planned a surprise cook out on the beach. Spike had driven Xander out to the beach, carefully toning down his usual driving style when he saw how apprehensive Xander was about being in a car. Xander had immediately brightened when he saw where they were going and had practically leaped out of the car when he saw his friends waiting for them on the beach. Spike had called the doctor to find out what limitations Xander would have in regards to exercise and water and had been told that moderate exercising was fine but he wasn't allowed to swim yet. Xander had been unhappy to find he couldn't swim but immediately perked up when Spike told him he could play volleyball with his friends as long as he was careful. They had built sand castles, grilled steaks and after eating, Oz had played his guitar while Devon had led everyone in a group sing-a-long. Later that night, the couples had paired off and Spike and Xander had taken a moonlight stroll on the beach. When Spike was sure they were far enough away from the other couples, he had spread out a blanket and they had sat down to watch the water lap over the rocks.

"Penny for your thoughts," Spike told Xander, having watched the young man stare out at the ocean for several minutes.

"I was just thinking about the ocean, how beautiful it is and how it's like life." Xander turned to see Spike looking at him, confusion on his face. "It's just....every now and then the water is so calm and peaceful as though nothing can faze it and then other times, like when a storm is coming, the waves will roll in. It reminds me of my life...every now and then, like tonight, I'm happy, calm and peaceful. I have you...I have my friends and it all seems so perfect. Then without warning, the waves roll in and I feel like everyone or everything I care about is being swept away. Dumb analogy, huh?"

"I don't think so." Spike leaned towards Xander, taking his face in his hands before placing a gentle kiss on the boy's mouth. "I promise you, Xander...from here on out the calm water is going to outweigh the waves.

"I wish I could believe that, Spike. It's not that I think you're lying to me or anything, but we do live on a Hellmouth you know. At any moment, one of us could be swept away...never to be seen again...like Jesse. One minute we're here and the next, we're gone. There's been so many times in the past few weeks that I've relived the wreck, had nightmares and stuff and I still can't believe Buffy and I made it out alive. When that prosecutor came by to get my testimony for my father's trial, he showed me pictures of the car." Spike cursed inwardly, wishing he hadn't been forced to leave the two of them alone. "After that, I got scared and I began to think about death a lot. Funny how it affected me like that. I've been helping Buffy fight vampires and demons for three years now and I've managed not to dwell on that aspect. I lost Jesse, Giles lost Ms. Calendar and Buffy died that time. Each of us has come so close to dying, but for some reason I've always managed to block the thought of death out of my mind. If I were able to go on patrol tomorrow, I might be afraid at the time but I wouldn't hesitate to fight and afterwards I'd go about my business like nothing had ever happened. Hell, I've even managed to live with my dad all these years. I've been in the hospital I don't know how many times, I've been bruised so bad I had to use make-up to hide the marks but I still managed to keep on fighting, so how come a car wreck has made me feel this way?" Spike took Xander in his arms, stroking his hair while he looked out over the ocean, as if the water could give him an answer to Xander's question.

"Don't know, pet. Maybe it was the feeling of helplessness, of knowing there was nothing you could do to stop what was about to happen, no chance of fighting." Xander had thought about that for a few minutes, finally sitting up to look at Spike.

"That makes sense."

"Don't sound so surprised, luv. I can be sensible every now and then." Xander smiled at that before his expression became serious again.

"I know I've been an asshole to live with and if I had been you or Angel I would have thrown me out a long time ago. I can't believe how my friends kept coming back no matter how hateful I was to them. And, God...the way I treated you...can you ever forgive me?" Xander's voice held a pleading tone as he ducked his head in shame. Spike tilted his head up so he could see Xander's face.

"No need for forgiveness, Xander. You're still healing, still trying to deal with what happened. Hell, I still have nightmares myself." Spike wasn't lying for the boy's sake. He had had several nightmares following the accident, waking up in horror, not calming until he held Xander for hours on end. "That's what being in love is all about, pet. Enjoying the good times and surviving the bad. We'll get through this, pet and it will only strengthen our love for each other."

"You still love me after all I've put you through? I've been harder on you than anybody else."

"Don't say things I don't mean, unless I'm pissed. And you know that old saying. You always hurt the ones you love the most. Besides, how else do you think I've managed to keep myself from ripping your head off these past few weeks?" Spike's tone was teasing and Xander laughed.

"I guess you're right. Spike....you know I love you, don't you?" Spike nodded. "I mean, I really, truly, deeply love you. I've never felt like this about anybody before in my entire life. It's like I'm not a whole person unless you're around. You make me complete." Spike gently pushed Xander down onto the blanket, kissing him deeply. Xander moaned and Spike traced the boy's lips with his tongue before exploring every inch of Xander's mouth. Xander pulled Spike closer, his tongue returning the favor while his hands ran up and down Spike's body. His hands were under Spike's shirt and he gently traced an outline around Spike's nipples before rubbing his thumbs across the hardened nubs. The two of them were soon lost in the passion of the moment.

Spike unbuttoned Xander's shirt, sliding it open before breaking the kiss and making his way to Xander's chest by placing gentle kisses along the boy's neck and shoulders. His tongue flicked across one nipple while his fingers played with the other. He heard Xander's moan, heard Xander pleading for Spike to make love to him and his hand started heading downwards, ready to divest the boy of his pants. Spike raised his head to take in the view of his gorgeous boy. Xander's eyes were shining with need and desire, his face was flushed, his breaths were coming in shallow pants and he was writhing underneath Spike's touch, the moonlight playing along his skin. Spike had never seen anything so beautiful in his life and was amazed to find that he was ready to come just from the sight, smell and sound of Xander. He leaned down and took Xander's mouth again, his hands roving the boy's body as it arched beneath him. The moan he heard this time halted Spike's movement. He sat up, hearing Xander's short, quick breaths and realized this reaction wasn't just lust and desire....it was pain, too.

"Xander, are you okay?"

"Don't...stop...Spike." Xander managed to say but Spike could see the pain etched on the boy's face.

"Have to luv. This is hurting you." He kissed the scar on Xander's abdomen, berating himself for not thinking about this earlier. It was still too soon. The doctor had said two weeks but after re-evaluating Xander he had recommended no sexual activity until he saw Xander in six weeks. Spike had spent many nights jacking off in the shower, cursing the slow passage of days. How could he have forgotten about this? If he had hurt Xander......

"I'll....be...alright." Spike shook his head, rebuttoning Xander's shirt before lying down next to his boy, taking him in his arms and holding him close.

"Not worth the risk, luv. Won't be much longer."

"Better not be or I'm going to implode." Spike had laughed at Xander's words and after a few minutes they had turned their attention to the stars, Spike showing Xander all the constellations while they tried to take their minds off what they really wanted to do.


Spike returned to the present with a start, hearing Angel's voice and feeling the punch on the arm. Spike was sporting a hard on that was very uncomfortable in it's tight confines. He set the cold bottle of beer between his legs, hoping the cool would help. As he looked up he saw Angel staring at him. The bastard had caught him and was practically smirking at Spike's discomfort. Of course he could smell the arousal pouring off Spike...he was a vampire. Damnit. He squirmed in his seat, the beer bottle still between his legs. Nope, bad idea. This wasn't helping at all.

"Huh? What? Did you say something, mate?"

"I asked if you were up for a little bit of action tonight, but judging from your...uh....expression, I'd say you were planning a different kind of action than what I was talking about." Buffy studied the two of them, quickly realizing what Angel was implying.

"Euuw, Angel." She slapped her boyfriend on the arm. "Quit talking about their sex lives. I may know what's going on between Xander and Spike, doesn't mean I want to hear about it...or see it....ever."

"Knowing Spike, you'd better keep your eyes closed then." Angel told her. Buffy grabbed Angel's arm, dragging him towards the door. "Tell everyone good-bye for us...we're going to patrol."

Spike good-naturedly gave Angel the two fingered salute before returning his attention to the dance floor. He needed to get Xander home and he needed to get him home like 30 minutes ago. He was saved the trouble of finding Xander when he saw the boy walking towards him, a huge grin on his face.

"Willow and Oz are loading up the band's equipment and heading home. Devon is too, but I think Cordelia is mostly there in a supervising capacity. Where's Buffy and Angel?"

"They left. Had to patrol."

"Looks like we're all alone then."

"Looks like. And right now I'm thinking being at home alone is a lot better than sitting at the Bronze alone."

"Was that sentence supposed to make sense?" Spike grabbed Xander's hand, practically pulling the boy by the arm in his haste to get home.

"You know what I meant. Let's go."

"You're in an awfully big hurry, Spike. Got something planned?" Xander asked right before he found himself pinned up against the side of the Bronze, a very hungry looking vampire in front of him.

"Got something very special planned, my luv." Spike kissed Xander, slow and tender, hands going up under Xander's sweater to play with the hard nubs while he ground his erection into Xander. He was happily surprised to find Xander sporting an equally large hard on. "Well, well, well. Seems somebody's been reading my mind."

"Not reading your mind, Spike." Xander gasped as Spike rubbed his cock against his. "You know I've been dying for this since...like forever." Spike interlaced their fingers, raising Xander's arms above his head, his steady rubbing against the young man never faltering. Xander tilted his head back, giving Spike access to his neck. Spike licked along his veins, sensing the blood coursing through Xander's body. "Fuck me, Spike. Right here, right now."

"With everyone watching, pet?" Spike teased, kissing his way up to Xander's mouth where he placed two gentle kisses on his face, one on each side of the boy's mouth.

"God, Spike I don't care. I've wanted this for so long I'd be willing to do it in front of the Pope himself if he were here." Xander groaned again when Spike nipped at his bottom lip.

"Don't want your first time to be in a side alley. I want it to be special."

"Don't care where it is and it will be special as long as it's with you." The sincerity of that statement mixed with Xander's brown eyes filled with desire did nothing to help Spike's resolve to stop. He closed the few inches between them, kissing Xander again. He quickly undid his pants before opening Xander's, both of their cocks jumping free of their confines. Spike took their erections into his hand, setting up a rhythm as he continued to kiss Xander.

"Oh, God, Spike. I'm not going to last long." Xander moaned, grinding his cock into Spike's hand. Spike smiled back at him.

"Me either, luv. This is just the pre-show...something to take the edge off." They continued their thrusting, Xander's hands roaming Spike's body, Spike's free hand threading through Xander's long, dark locks. "God, you feel so good, pet." Three more tugs and both of them were spilling their seed over Spike's hand. Spike held Xander up while he lifted his hand, licking it and savoring their combined tastes. Xander watched, tongue wetting his lips as he continued to stare. "Ummm, tastes so fucking good. Have a go."

Xander tentatively licked Spike's hand, finding the taste of their cum intoxicating. Spike started to lick also, both of them cleaning Spike's hand until everything was gone except for their tongues which met in a desire filled kiss. Spike broke it, quickly tucking himself and Xander back into their clothes before pulling the boy from the alley. "Let's get back to the mansion."

"Yeah, we sooo need to get home." Xander added, matching Spike stride for stride, both of them wishing they were already home and hoping they wouldn't meet anything or anyone on the way that would distract them from their final goal. It had been a long, long six weeks and they were definitely ready to play.





Part Fourteen

Spike led Xander into the mansion, heading straight for the bedroom, nothing on his mind except thoughts of making love to Xander for the first time. It had been a torturous six weeks for both of them, lying next to each other every night without having sex. Xander glanced around, trying to see if Buffy or Angel were in the mansion.

"Nobody home, luv." Spike continued his straight course to the bedroom, opening the door with a flourish. He hoped Clem had managed to arrange things just as he had specified. The floppy eared demon worshiped Spike, doing anything the vampire asked without any questions. Xander had met him a few times and had taken an instant liking to the demon, Clem reciprocating the feelings. Knowing how much this night meant to him and Xander, Spike was sure Clem had done his job and done it well. Clem was a big romantic at heart and he thought Xander and Spike were the perfect couple. Spike saw the surprise on Xander's face and knew the demon had accomplished his task. *Clem is the man*. "How do you like it, pet?"

"Spike this is really sweet. Nobody has ever....it's perfect." Xander managed to say, a few tears sliding down his cheeks. Spike crossed the room, taking the boy into his arms. He gave him a soft kiss on the lips before wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

"No, perfect is you, Xander." Spike leaned in for another kiss, this one longer and sweeter than the first. Xander wrapped his arms around Spike, his hand playing with the hair along the nape of Spike's neck while the other one trailed up and down Spike's back, gently stroking him. Spike pulled him closer, threading his hands through Xander's hair and gently tipping the boy's head back so he could place whisper soft kisses along his neck. He smiled when Xander's body shivered with desire. "See you have a neck fetish too. Sure you're not a vampire, luv?"

"Just a boy in love with one," Xander whispered, making Spike's cock harden. He wanted nothing more than to throw the boy onto the bed and make love to him but it was Xander's first time and Spike needed to go slow. He could tell Xander was nervous and he wanted to ease the boy's tension. Spike stepped away from Xander, crossing to the bedside table to get two beers. He opened them, passing one to Xander. "Spike, what are you doing?"

"Well, we're all alone in this cozy bedroom. Got a fire going in the fireplace, nice warm bed nearby, candles lit all around, alcoholic beverages and chocolate lube. What's your guess?"

"I think you're trying to seduce me."

"Here's to my success." Spike held up his beer, clinking his bottle against Xander's. They quickly drank their beers, eyes locked on each other the whole time. When they were done, Spike threw his bottle onto a nearby chair, his gaze never leaving Xander. Xander was impressed. *Gee, I wonder if I could.....?* Trying to be as cool as Spike, Xander tossed his bottle to the side, flinching when he heard the sound of breaking glass. *Guess not.* Xander turned, noticing he had missed the chair by a couple of feet at least.

"I better clean that up. Angel's going to have a fit." Xander was stopped by Spike, who wrapped his arm around the boy's waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. Spike grinned at the sheepish expression on Xander's now red face.

"You can get it later, Xan. Got better things to do."

"Like what, oh Great Seducer of Young Men?" Xander teased. Spike gently kissed his ear before whispering, "Dance with me?" Xander nodded and Spike took his hand, leading him over to the stereo, hitting play, confident that Clem had set the cd to something really romantic. He pulled Xander close.

"A spot of music to put you in the mood ....." Spike frowned when he heard the music coming from the stereo.

He was sitting there beside me throwing doubles down, when he ordered up his third one he looked around.....

"To get drunk?" Xander asked, a smile playing across his lips. Spike shook his head and hit skip, figuring Clem was off by one.

Thought we were something special, now I know that this old boy just ain't the best you think you'll ever do.....

"Definitely the wrong song. I am the best....." Skip.

What a rotten day this turned out to be....

"Thanks a lot, Spike." Xander teased, trying to sound offended without laughing.

"Bloody buggering, fucking hell" Spike was getting angry now. Skip.

A little country church on a two lane road, a bride and groom coming out the door

"Spike, are you asking me to marry you? Who's going to be the husband and who's the wife?" Xander playfully batted his eyelashes at Spike, grabbing the stereo from the cursing vampire, thus saving it from being smashed against the wall.

"Clem was supposed to put something romantic in there...not soddin country music." Spike was almost pouting.

"Country music can be very romantic," Xander argued. "I know why Clem chose this cd. It's my favorite one. Got a song on it that I love...expresses how I feel when I'm with you. It's like someone crawled inside my head and wrote my thoughts down." Xander pressed in a number and led Spike towards the bed. As music filled the room, the two of them began to sway to the music.


I'm not the hero who will always save the day
Don't always wear the white hat, don't always know the way
I may not even be the dream you wanted to come true
But I'll always be the man in love with you


Spike smiled when he heard the words. Xander was a true white hat if ever there was one, and he was most definitely Spike's dream come true. Spike vowed to show Xander that, his hands gently roaming Xander's body while he kissed the side of the boy's neck.

I'm not the key that opens every door
Don't have the power to give you all you want and more
But when you're needing something special you can hold on to
I'll always be the man in love with you


"You're what I want to hold on to, Xander. All I want is you." Spike's hands were on the hem of Xander's shirt and he slowly lifted it off the boy, throwing it into the corner before starting on his pants.

I never could work miracles, there may be others who can do what I can't do
But no one else could be as good as me at loving you


"Show me how good you can be, Xan. Show me how much you love me." Xander's hands were trembling as he lifted Spike's shirt over his head. He mocked Spike's actions from before and soon both of them were naked. Xander took a moment to admire Spike's body before leaning in, placing kisses on Spike's forehead, cheeks, nose and finally his mouth.

So when the world won't turn the way you wished it would
And the dreams you have don't come alive as often as they should
Remember that there's someone there who's heart is always true
I'll always be the man in love with you


"I love you with everything I have, Spike. My heart, my soul and now my body. I've never had a lover...I want you to be my first and only one. Will you make love to me, Spike?" Spike could only nod, emotions overwhelming him. He led Xander to the bed, gently placing him in the center of the bed.

Remember that there's someone there who's heart is always true
Someone there to help you make it through
I'll always be the man in love with you.


Spike reached out, shutting the stereo off before crawling up the bed, never taking his eyes off Xander as he lay on top of the boy, legs touching legs, chest to chest and cock to cock. Xander hissed, trying to arch his body off the bed to get closer contact with Spike but the vampire held him down, not allowing him to move. Spike interlaced his fingers with Xander's, pulling the boy's arms up over his head while he leaned down to capture Xander's mouth. He gently rocked his hips, causing their erections to rub against one another. Xander moaned and Spike slipped his tongue into the boy's mouth, taking his time exploring every inch of Xander's warm mouth. Xander did the same, trying to fill every empty crevice of Spike's mouth was his tongue. Spike sat up, intent on rolling Xander onto his stomach but the boy shook his head.

"I want to see you, Spike."

"Xander, luv it's easier if----"

"Don't care. It's my first time and I want to memorize every moment of it...that includes watching you make love to me...and that makes me sound girly doesn't it?" Spike shook his head.

"Not a bit, pet. Truth be told...I wanted the same thing." Spike wasn't lying to make Xander feel good. He wanted to see every expression, hear every moan and whimper as he explored his young lover's body. "Lay back and relax. I want to taste every inch of your body." Spike took Xander's hands again, interlacing their fingers before giving each hand a loving kiss. He gently placed their clasped hands on each side of Xander's head, leaning in to kiss Xander's mouth before taking slow, leisurely licks along Xander's neck and shoulders. By the time he had made his way to the boy's left nipple, Xander was writhing underneath him, squeezing Spike's hands as his head thrashed around on the pillow. Spike's eyes never left Xander's face, his tongue gently gliding over first one nipple and then the other before heading further down. He nipped Xander's right hip, suckling on it until there was a red love mark on the skin. Spike licked across Xander's abdomen, stopping to kiss along the scar from his surgery. A cold chill swept over him, thinking once again about how close he had come to losing Xander. He concentrated on the heartbeat beneath him, grinning at the elevated pulse...he was doing that. Spike turned his attention on Xander's navel, tongue-fucking it for a few minutes before licking his way to the left hip. By the time he was done, there was another red mark on Xander's skin and the boy was panting.

"God, Spike....feels so good. Don't stop....don't ever stop. Please...need...." Xander knew he was babbling, but he couldn't get his mind to function. All he could do was beg Spike to keep on doing what he was doing. Xander had never felt anything like this and deep in his heart he knew that even if he had had 50 lovers, none of them would come close to Spike. Shit, he had a talented mouth. Xander's cock twitched as Spike's head moved further down his body, his hands letting go of Xander's to take their place on his hips. Xander tried to arch up, anticipating the cool mouth on his hot, throbbing cock but it never happened. Instead, Spike sat up, taking Xander's left leg in his hands. He lovingly licked along the sole of Xander's foot before lavishing attention on every toe and damn, it felt good. Xander had never thought of his feet as anything more than implements for walking, but this was fucking sexy. His cock began to ooze pre-cum as he watched Spike nibble each toe while grinning at his lover. The room was suddenly very, very hot and the temperature rose when Spike licked up the inside of Xander's leg, past his calf, his thigh, stopping right before he got to the rock hard erection. Xander couldn't stop the whimper that escaped his lips when he saw Spike sitting up again.

"Shhh, won't be long now, pet." Spike gave Xander a sexy leer as he traded legs, picking up Xander's right leg and doing the same thing to it, licking and sucking until Xander thought he was going to go crazy with desire. Another whimper when Spike once again stopped just inches short of his throbbing penis.

"Fuck, Spike you sure know how to torture someone."

"Told you I was evil." Spike raised an eyebrow, his tongue licking his lips. Xander groaned, reaching out to pull Spike in for a kiss but the vampire eluded him, spreading Xander's legs before burying his face in the boy's balls. Xander's hands moved down to grip the bedspread when Spike began to lap at his sack, drawing each orb into his mouth, one at a time. He lovingly circled his tongue around Xander's sensitive skin, making Xander cry out in pleasure.

"Oh, shit, Spike...suck me. Please...I need to cum." Spike retreated, gently running his finger along Xander's balls and up the underside of Xander's cock, swiping the pre-cum off and tasting it.

"Damn, Xander....can't get enough of you. Want to taste the other side." Spike took Xander's leg and lifted it. "Time to turn over." Xander groaned in resignation, trying to calm himself as he was pulled onto his stomach.

"Told you I wanted to see----"

"Turn your face to the side, luv." Spike took in the sight of his beautiful boy as he arranged his head on the pillow. Xander's hands were buried in the pillow, his muscles rigid. Xander had the makings of wide shoulders, a slim waist and sexy ass cheeks that were clenching----begging for attention. Spike licked up Xander's back, starting at the base of Xander's spine and moving up to the center of his shoulder blades. Spike repeated the gesture over and over, each time getting lower in the crack of Xander's ass until he was an inch away from the boy's tight pucker. Xander shivered with every lick, his body arching up into Spike.

"Spike, I can't take it! Please...please...I need you to fuck me!" Spike kissed the hungry hole and backed away, wanting to prolong Xander's pleasure as much as possible. He spent a few minutes licking and nipping the back of Xander's right knee before making his way to the boy's right ass cheek. Another couple of minutes and Spike was repeating the process on the left side.

"So beautiful," Spike sighed, taking in the sight of Xander's shaking, sweating body while listening to the boy groan with need. He moved in, inhaling deeply...Xander's scent was intoxicating. A mixture of innocence, sweat, desire and sunshine. Spike began to run his tongue over Xander's crevice, enjoying the taste and the sound of Xander's gasp at such an intimate touch.

"Spike...what the hell?" Xander groaned, his ass automatically raising up to gain more contact. Xander had been taken completely unaware by this but the feeling was incredible and he wanted more. "Please...."

"Tell me what you want, Xander."

"More...please...more...just...more," Xander mumbled, not knowing what more was but knowing he needed something. He was definitely whimpering now. Spike seemed to understand, parting Xander's cheeks before driving his tongue into Xander's spasming hole. Xander felt the penetration and groaned, his hands reaching out to grab fistfuls of the sheets in wild abandon. Spike tongue fucked Xander for a few minutes and Xander was just about to erupt when Spike withdrew, turning Xander over onto his back. Xander laid his arm across his forehead and desperately tried to calm himself down. He watched Spike reach for the lube and sighed in relief. Finally, he was going to have Spike's cock inside him.

Spike grinned when he heard Xander's sigh. He loved making Xander feel good and was truly enjoying it, but the boy was so responsive it was making Spike more horny and frantic to bring Xander to his hopefully earth-shattering release. Spike quickly put the lube on his cock, spreading some onto his fingers before throwing the tube away and turning his attention back onto Xander. Spike grabbed Xander behind his knees, lifting him up and placing his bent knees under Xander's body.

"Pull your legs back, Xander...I promise you this is going to feel so good." Spike traced Xander's hole, moving his fingers in a circular motion before inserting the first finger, surprised to find Xander's virgin hole so willing to accept it. Xander let out a loud moan of pleasure and Spike grinned.

"Like that don't you pet?" Xander could only nod and moan when Spike added another finger, again finding little resistance. Xander's hot hole was practically sucking his fingers inside and Spike could feel the warm, tight muscles spasming around him. He clenched his jaw, trying his best to hold the orgasm that was building inside of him. This was the first time Spike could ever remember wanting to come just from giving pleasure to another, much less without having touched his own cock.

"Fuck, yes," Xander managed to say before Spike crooked his finger, sending an electric shock up his spine. He felt his balls tightening....he was going to come if Spike did that again. "Spike, hold on a sec. I'm about to cum." Xander thought Spike was going to stop when he let Xander drop back down onto the bed but instead Spike leaned down, taking Xander's erection into his mouth. Xander moaned loudly, his eyes glazing over from the feel of Spike's mouth and tongue on his hard shaft. Spike's head was bobbing up and down, his fingers pushing further into Xander's rectum, sliding over his prostate in time with Spike's sucking. Xander grabbed Spike, digging his fingers into the vampire's shoulders as his orgasm washed over him with such intensity he thought his heart was going to pound out of his chest.

"Spike, I'm gonna cum...gotta cum!" Xander erupted, shooting hot streams of cum down Spike's throat. Every time Spike swallowed around Xander's cock, it would spasm again until Xander thought he was never going to stop. Finally, Xander relaxed, smiling sheepishly at Spike. "Sorry. I didn't mean to----" Xander never finished the sentence, finding Spike's mouth on his. He wrapped his hand around Spike's neck, pulling him closer as their tongues sought each other. Xander felt Spike's fingers moving inside of him, another one being added and moaned into the kiss. "Spike, feels so good, but I don't think I can...not after...that was so fucking intense."

"You'd be surprised how fast you can recover, luv, especially when I have over 100 years of experience at this. I can make you hard again." Spike whispered against Xander's lips, crooking his fingers and finding that hot spot yet again. Xander's hips automatically pushed upward, his dick already starting to respond to the gentle prodding.

"God...oh, God...don't think I can survive another...oh, hell if I'm gonna die...this is the way to go." Xander gave himself over to the sensations Spike was creating. Spike was definitely a creative and masterful lover....between the gentle kisses along his neck and the fingers working their magic in his ass, Xander's cock was already getting hard again. "Fuck me, Spike. Fuck me now."

"Whatever you need, my beautiful boy." Spike put Xander's legs on his shoulder's, once again raising the boy's ass off the bed. He removed his fingers, staring down at the spasming hole. Xander was definitely ready. Spike took his rock hard erection into his hand, lining it up to the boy's hole. His other hand played across Xander's stomach, rubbing him comfortingly. "Might hurt a little, Xan. When I start to enter you, push down like you're taking a shit." Xander managed a smile.

"Oh, Spike, you sweet talker you."

Spike gently pushed the head of his cock into Xander's ass, expecting the boy to flinch. Instead, Xander's smile turned to a look of complete bliss. Xander had never looked more beautiful and both of them moaned in pleasure. Spike slowly slid his dick inch by inch into Xander's hot, tight channel until he was balls deep inside. Spike noticed that Xander never acted as if there were any pain. Instead, his ass muscles seemed to pull Spike's cock inside as if welcoming it home. Spike was breathing now, trying his best to keep from shooting his load while feeling the warm, pulsating depth around him. Xander pushed up as if trying to become one with him and that's all it took. Spike cried out, shooting his cool seed into Xander. After a few minutes he fell forward onto Xander, the boy's legs still on his shoulders. Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. In all his years, Spike had never lost control so quickly with anyone. God, this boy had such a hold on him. Spike was never going to let this treasure get away from him....not ever...and he would kill anyone if they ever tried to take Xander away from him. He opened his mouth to apologize but Xander stopped him with a kiss.

"Short recovery time, remember?" Xander reached up, tracing the ridges over Spike's eyes and for the first time, Spike realized he had vamped out during his orgasm. Here was another first. Spike hadn't even noticed when this happened..he had been so far gone in the pleasure and passion that was Xander. He made an effort to return to his human face, feeling that Xander would be nervous looking into the eyes of a demon.

"Spike, stop. You don't have to change back. I'm not afraid of you. I love you...all of you...and that includes your demon."

Spike's mouth dropped open in surprise and Xander immediately took advange of the situation. He pulled Spike back down and kissed him, sliding his tongue along the fangs. Spike moaned, making Xander take further action. He ran his tongue along the tip of the fang, piercing it and causing it to bleed. Spike growled, his cock immediately hardening at the taste of Xander's blood. Innocence, desire, need filling his mouth. No wonder Xander was such a demon magnet. Spike sucked on Xander's tongue, getting every taste of the suculent blood. When they parted, Xander grinned at him, playfully thrusting his hips upwards, indicating that he was ready for more. Spike pushed the dark, silky locks away from Xander's forehead, vowing to himself that Xander was going to keep his hair long. He placed a gentle kiss on the boy's forehead, taking another moment to relish this closeness with the person who had become his world. Yes, Spike was definitely a goner....love's bitch had fallen for Xander Harris...fallen fast and hard.

"I love you, Xander. You're all I bloody think about...dream about. You're in my gut...in my throat. I'm drownin' in you, Xander, I'm drownin' in you." Spike started to move, slowly thrusting in and out, never taking his eyes off his boy. Xander put his hand up, trying to get Spike to stop. Spike seemed surprised, but he did what Xander wanted. Had he said too much? Xander saw the doubt in Spike's eyes and hastened to put the vampire's mind at ease.

"It's alright, Spike. I just...I just wanted to say something..and...uh...well, I can't think when we're doing...this." He saw the tension leave Spike's face and wondered how many times Spike had been turned away. Well, it wasn't going to be him turning Spike away that was for sure. "I gotta say something, cause I don't think I've made it clear. You've been hearing the words but they haven't gotten through. Listen and learn, Spike. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move. I get excited every time you look at me, Spike. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life," Xander's eyes filled with tears and there was a quiver in his voice. "Like a man. I just thought you might want to know." Spike tenderly kissed Xander, running his hand through the boy's hair.

After a few minutes, Spike pulled outward about an inch before pushing himself in deeper, if that were possible. He followed this pattern for a few more times before pulling out until only his cockhead was inside. He paused, looking deeply into Xander's brown eyes. "Ready?" Xander could only nod, words having left him now. Spike drove his hips forward, impaling himself to the root in Xander's channel. Another thrust and he was brushing Xander's prostate. Xander gasped, his eyes staring at his lover. Every muscle on Spike's chest and stomach were sharply defined...*He's so beautiful*.

As Spike started a series of hard thrusts, Xander reached out and played with Spike's right nipple, tweaking it until it became a hard nub. Xander's other hand reached below his balls searching for Spike's cock, letting his finger glide along Spike's shaft as it moved in and out of him. As Spike continued his thrusts, Xander raised his hand to his lips, sucking on each finger, getting a taste of Spike's cum. His eyes closed in pleasure while Spike's grew wide. Did the whelp know how fucking sexy he looked doing that? Or was he really as innocent as he appeared to be? When Xander opened his eyes, giving Spike a version of his leer, Spike knew the answer. His boy was either a natural or a very quick learner. Xander continued to suck on his fingers as Spike bent down and kissed him, tasting himself and Xander mixed together. His thrusts became more urgent, both of them close to going over the edge.

Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's waist, trying to pull the vampire closer. He couldn't get enough of Spike...this was pleasure beyond his wildest dreams. "Fuck me...Spike...need you so much....my love, my everything."

Spike stopped mid thrust. "I'm your everything?" Xander nodded, squeezing his legs tightly, pulling Spike forward and deeper into his clutching hole. Spike and Xander's mouths were inches apart and Spike drove his tongue into Xander's mouth, matching his tongue movement to his thrusts. He pulled away, grinning into Xander's glazed eyes, rotating his hips as he entered the boy. He changed his angle with every move, making sure Xander's prostate got the attention it deserved. As Spike's pumping grew faster, Xander groaned loudly, frantically clutching Spike's back with his fingers, as if he were searching for something...anything to keep him grounded. The pleasure/pain from Xander's fingernails scratching him set Spike off and he raised Xander up further, using his arms to balance himself as he rested his weight on his toes. He began to piston in and out of Xander's quivering hole, his passion reaching a fevered state.

"Oh, pet. Your ass feels to good...so tight...so fucking warm. I'm so bloody, fucking close!"

"Fuck me hard, Spike. I want it....I need it!" Xander's head was rolling from side to side now, his hips driving up to meet every one of Spike's thrusts.

"Xander, don't come. I want to drink you, luv. Oh, fuck...I'm coming...feels so good." Spike was in ecstasy but he managed to hear Xander's words.

"Can't hold out, Spike. Gotta come. Please...don't take it out. I want you in me when I come...Spike!"

Spike quickly maneuvered himself to where he could take the boy's cock in his mouth without pulling out of Xander. He had just managed this when Xander shot, his hot semen tasting good as it hit the back of Spike's throat.

"How the fuck are you doing that?" Xander asked, quickly adding. "Don't stop. Fuck me...suck me dry, Spike." Xander thrashed his head back and forth screaming Spike's name over and over as the orgasm ripped through him, this one even more intense than the one before. Spike drank every drop, moaning at the sweet taste of his boy...his Xander. When it was over, Spike pulled his softening cock from Xander's ass before releasing the boy's cock from his mouth. Spike lowered Xander's legs, placing them on the bed before falling on top of the boy, nestling his head under Xander's chin. His nipple was right next to Spike, so the vampire gave it a loving, gentle lick and kiss before shifting up and looking into Xander's still glazed eyes. Spike gave Xander a gentle kiss, rolling off the boy before pulling him close. He pushed the sweat dampened hair away from Xander's face before staring into his eyes.

"How's your ass, pet? Was I too hard on you?" Spike was concerned. This was Xander's first time and while he had meant to be gentle and careful, their lovemaking had turned frantic with need and desire.

"Nah. You didn't do anything I didn't want you to do. If you recall, it was me yelling Harder."

"Roll over so I can kiss it and make it all better." Before Xander could protest, Spike had rolled him over and was already facedown in Xander's ass, licking gently across his hole. Xander made soft mewling noises as Spike ran the flat of his tongue from his balls to the crack of his ass. The area was red and Xander was defnitely going to be sore but both of them knew it was a good sore. Every time Spike passed Xander's hole, he would dip his tongue inside, cleaning the boy out. After he was finished he moved Xander onto his back, cleaning Xander's semen off his chest. When he was done, he lay down on the bed, grabbing up his shirt and wiping himself clean before taking the half asleep boy into his arms and cuddling close. He drew the covers up and around them, settling in for a good long sleep. Neither one of them had heard Buffy and Angel enter and then leave the mansion
.
"Are you going to be able to handle that, Angel?" Buffy's face was bright red as she walked alongside her boyfriend as they made another patrol around the cemetary, hoping they were giving Xander and Spike enough time to finish what they were doing. Buffy didn't want to hear their cries of ecstasy. Even though she was happy for her friend, it only reminded her that she and Angel couldn't make love. She gave her boyfriend's hand a supportive squeeze, seeing the look on his face and knowing that he was thinking the same thing.

"I don't know. Do you suppose you could talk to Willow and Giles....see if there's some sort of spell we could put on the room to muffle the...uh..noise?"

"Why do I have to do it? Why can't you?"

"Because you're closer to them, Buffy. I figured it wouldn't be so embarassing if it was you who did the asking."

"That's the exact reason why it would be embarassing. Besides, Spike is your responsibility."

"And you always look out for Xander."

"Fine, we'll do it together." They walked in silence for a few minutes before Buffy asked, "So what are you going to do about the rest of the house?"

"It will be off limits for that kind of thing. I'll make it a rule."

"Yeah...right." Buffy grinned at her boyfriend. "And we both know how well Spike and Xander follow directions and rules now don't we?" Angel returned the grin, giving Buffy a quick kiss.

"So, do you think that old apartment of mine is still available?"





Part Fifteen

It had been a week since Xander had gone back to school and already he was in trouble again. Spike was going to have a shit fit when he got home was Xander's thinking. If what he was doing could be called thinking what with the ringing in the ears, blurred vision, etc. This was the usual feelings after a beating... this one courtesy of the newest big threat in Sunnydale.

Spike and Angel were out taking care of patrol while Buffy, Giles, Faith, Willow and himself had come to clean out a nest of vampires or demons who were reported to be hiding out in this cave. Giles had told them it would be a fairly easy task since there were so many of them going and Willow was prepared to do some kind of cloaking spell. But then again, how many times did everything go the way they planned, Xander reminded himself.

Spike had not liked the idea of being seperated from Xander but Xander had made it clear he didn't like the thought of Spike being anywhere near Faith. Since Faith had to go on this mission, Xander had insisted on going with the gang minus Spike. He knew he shouldn't be jealous of them, but damnit he was. Spike had assured him over and over that what had happened New Year's Eve would never happen again and Xander believed him. However, he knew what a great lover Spike was firsthand and he had no doubt that the dark haired slayer would jump at the chance to get Spike back into her bed. He didn't trust Faith so Spike had finally agreed to the plans. Spike had given Xander a loving kiss before adding a stern warning not to jump into the fight unless he had to. Spike was still worried about Xander being completely healed from the wreck even though Dr. Moreheart had assured him Xander was back to normal.

Now Xander was laying under a bunch of cardboard boxes in the middle of the cave, every inch of him aching from the demon bitch's beating. It had taken all of five minutes before he had leapt into the fight, distracting the demon so it wouldn't kill Buffy or Faith. He groaned and tried to rise as his friend's voices finally filtered through the ringing sensation in his ears.

"These babes were wicked rowdy. What's their deal?" Faith was asking.

"I wish I knew. I was aware there was a nest here but quite frankly I expected them to be vampires. These are new." Giles answered.

"And improved." Buffy added.

"Yes, well I'm sorry. I should have had you better prepared and I should never have allowed Willow and uh...Xander? Xander?" Giles voice was worried as he realized Xander was nowhere to be found.

"I'm good. We're fine...just a little bit dirty." Xander picked himself up and stumbled out from under the boxes, unsteadily approaching his concerned friends. "Good show, everyone. Just great. I think we have a hit." He gave them the thumbs up sign.

"Are you okay?" Willow asked as she and Buffy checked him over, frowning at the condition of his clothes and the bruises on his body.

"Tip-top. Really. If anyone sees my spine lying around just try not to step on it." Willow frowned at his lame attempt at a joke.

"This is not funny, Xander Harris. Look at you. You could have re-injured yourself." Buffy nodded in agreement.

"Xander, one of these days you're going to get yourself hurt."

"Or killed," Faith added, looking somewhat worried herself.

"Or both," Buffy continued. "And you know with the pain and then the death maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be fray adjacent." Xander knew Buffy was just worried about him but he was getting sick and tired of everyone thinking he was some loser who couldn't take care of himself.

"Excuse me? Who at a crucial moment distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?"

"Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all," Faith told him.

"I think you'll find that was more of a bellow." Xander defended himself, his voice rising in irritation. Buffy's eyes went from Xander to Faith and back again and she quickly decided to change the subject before an all out argument began.

"Uh, what shall we do with the trio here? Burn them?"

"I brought marshmallows." Willow stared at her friends who were looking at her with surprise. "What? Occasionally, I'm callous and strange."

"I expect we can leave them." Giles scanned the cave. "I'm more interested in finding out what they are and whether we can expect more of their kind."

"I hope not. They're way too fit." Buffy started towards the entrance of the cave, Faith and Willow following behind. Xander tried to tag along but ended up going the wrong way.

"I say bring 'em on." Giles took his arm, gently leading him in the right direction.

"Xander, I think in the future it would be best if you hung back to the rear of the battle...for your own sake."

"But gee, Mr. White. If Clark and Lois get all the good stories I'll never be a good reporter." Xander retorted, Giles turning and giving him a confused look.

"Huh?"

"Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much going to be lost on you, huh?"

"Sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." They stepped out of the cave to meet up with the girls. Five minutes later they parted...Faith, Willow and Giles heading home while Buffy walked with Xander to the mansion.

"You know you don't have to escort me home, Buff. I'm perfectly fine."

"No, you're not and yes, I do. You've got a big bruise on your shoulder, you're limping and I'm pretty sure there's a huge lump on that hard head of yours. Besides, it gives me a chance to see Angel and that's always of the good."

"Ah, yes. The ulterior motive." The two of them grinned at each other, walking arm in arm towards the mansion as they chatted about Buffy's impending birthday.

"So what do you want for your birthday?"

"A nice, quiet, normal birthday. One that doesn't involve arms coming out of boxes and choking me or Angel changing back into Angelus." Xander nodded, turning his head to see the pained expression on Buffy's face. He thought he had a good idea what his friend was thinking.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say something I never thought I would ever say to you in my entire life. I'm sorry that you and Angel can't be a couple...you know...in the coupley sense."

"Me too. I'd give anything if we could be like you and Spike...and that did not just come out of my mouth." Buffy shook her head as Xander laughed.

"It's weird how things change isn't it? It seems like only yesterday I was totally and madly in love with you, hating Angel for being so damn good looking and ruining any chance I might have with you, hating vampires in general and living a pretty sucky life. Now I'm excited about each and every day, I'm crazy about someone who is not only male but a vampire as well and I'm living with Angel and actually liking the guy." Buffy's expression was one of surprise and happiness. "If you ever tell him I said that I will blame it on the head trauma."

"I won't tell Angel you like him if you promise not to tell Spike that I've come to...tolerate him." When Xander gave her a mock glare, Buffy shrugged. "You can't expect me to say I like him, Xan. First reason...I'm a vampire slayer. I can't keep making friends with vampires can I? It would ruin my reputation."

"Can't have that."

"Second reason...do you honestly think I would let you get away with dating and falling in love with a vampire so easily? Especially after the way you acted about me and Angel? No, I get to have my fun too, Xander Harris."

"I can accept that." Xander grinned at her before he became serious. "I wish I could give you exactly what your heart desires for your birthday. But seeing as how I can't do that would a nice CD or a bottle of perfume be alright?"

"Just having Angel, you and the rest of the gang in my life is enough of a present for me." Buffy thought for a moment. "What kind of perfume did you say that was?"

"I didn't."

"And we're not talking country music are we, Xander?"

"What do you think?"

"I think I'll have to kill you if I open up my present and find a Patsy Cline CD inside."

"Don't have to worry about that, Buffy. I'd never give you one of those."

"Thank God."

"Country music is like fine wine. You're not ready for Patsy yet. You have to work your way up to her." Buffy groaned.


~*~*~*~*~


Ten minutes later the two of them walked into the mansion finding their vampires waiting for them. Angel and Spike got up and walked over to their loved ones, giving them a welcoming kiss.

"So how was patrol?" Buffy asked.

"Killed quite a few vamps tonight. Something weird is going on. I can feel it in the air." Angel told her.

"Yeah, we felt it too. Not in the air...more like a body to body kinda thing." Buffy hugged Angel. "We ran into some very tough demons. It took Willow's spell and all of us to kill two of them. But not to worry. Giles is working on finding out what's going on."

"And I suppose you did what I told you, luv and stayed to the back of the fight?" Spike eyed his lover suspiciously, taking in the torn clothes and injuries. He noticed Xander flinch as he ran his fingers through the boy's hair.

"Don't I always listen to you, Spike?" Xander's voice was full of innocence but he wasn't fooling Spike, especially when the vampire's hand ran across the large lump that Buffy had predicted would be there.

"Bloody hell. Are you determined to get yourself killed?" Spike began pacing in front of Xander, taking time to light a cigarette in order to try to calm himself down. "Just got out of the fucking hospital with head trauma and what do you do? Throw yourself into a fight with a bunch of demons."

"Actually it was more like I kinda power walked into the fight and got thrown out of it." Xander tried to tease his lover but knew it wasn't working when Spike glared at him. "In my defense I stayed out of the fight for a few minutes until I saw one of them trying to kill Buffy and Faith. What was I supposed to do? Stand there and cheer them on? And I've been out of the hospital for over a month so quit using that as an excuse for me not to fight."

Spike strode over to Xander, getting up in his face. "You came this close to dying!" He held up his hand, his thumb and finger an inch apart. "You can't possibly think I'm not going to worry. You weren't the one who went through the mind numbing fear of not knowing whether the person you loved was going to live or die."

"No, I was the one that was going through the actual pain."

"Seems to me you thrive on pain. You do everything you possibly can to get yourself hurt."

"Yeah, I went into that cave tonight and begged that bitch to beat me up! I asked her to bash my head in and throw me around like a rag doll just so I could piss you off!"

"Seems like that plan worked." Buffy muttered to Angel who nodded. Spike whirled around, pinning Buffy with a glare.

"And where the hell were you and Faith while Xander was getting his ass kicked?"

"Oh, gee Spike I don't know. Maybe we were off getting facials or maybe we were doing something crazy like say...fighting for our lives!"

"And what about that stupid watcher of yours? 'It's a simple nest of vampires. Nothing to worry about'." Spike tried to mimic Giles' voice.

"Giles was mistaken. He felt really bad about endangering Willow and Xander." Buffy defended her mentor.

"He felt really bad, eh? Well that just makes everything alright now doesn't it?"

"That's enough, Spike!" Angel's voice held a warning note. "Buffy and everyone else in that group do everything possible to protect Xander. Things happen."

"Things happen. That's easy for you to say, mate. You're dating a fucking slayer." Xander had been standing to the side, watching in stunned silence. He couldn't believe how crazy Spike was acting over a little bump on the head. Astonishment turned to full blown anger.

"If you feel that way you should have stuck with Faith."

"Xander, that's not what I meant."

"No, it's not. What you meant was you don't have any confidence in me. You think I'm as useless as my father does. You look at me and see some dumb, helpless kid that can't walk across the floor without tripping over his own two feet. Well, let me tell you something buster. I've lived on this fucking hellmouth my entire life. I've lived through a lot of shit and I'm still standing. As for my friends, Buffy's saved my life lots of times so don't you dare stand there and yell at her for what happened tonight! No one forced me to go into that cave and no one has ever forced me to fight vampires or any of the other demons we've faced. I do it because I want to help my friends, because I want to protect them and other innocent people from being killed."

"Soddin' white knight syndrome," Spike muttered, angrily putting out his cigarette.

"Call it whatever you like, I don't care. I do what I think is right. I'm sorry if I worry you, I'm sorry if I worry my friends but it's not going to make me stop being who I am. You knew that when we became a couple. I thought that's one of the things you loved about me. Evidently I was wrong." Xander walked away, Spike reaching for his arm but finding his hand pushed away as the boy walked into the kitchen. Xander opened a cabinet door, pulling out an aspirin bottle. He took three of them out, getting a glass of water and downing them before heading towards the living room. He flopped down on the couch, putting his arm over his eyes. Buffy and Angel watched as Spike made his way over to the boy.

"What the hell are you doing now? I'm not through talking to you."

"What does it look like, Spike? I'm trying to get some sleep. And yes you're done talking, unless you want to talk to yourself. I've got a headache and I have to get up early and go to school. I've got tests to fail and F's to make. Now go away and leave me alone."

"You're not sleeping out here."

"Am too."

"Are not. You're sleeping in our bed." Xander raised his arm to look at Spike.

"So you're going to take the couch?"

"No." Xander put his arm back down.

"Then I'm sleeping in here." Spike pulled Xander's arm down to glare at his lover.

"You are sleeping with me in our bed." Xander tried to roll over but Spike stopped him.

"Fuck off!"

"Quit being a wanker and come to bed." Xander shook his head. "Xander, I'm not fucking playing around."

"Exactly. There will be no playing of any kind. You've pissed me off! Xander glared at Spike before adding, "Asshole!"

"Ponce!"

"Idiot!"

"Stupid git!" Spike leaned closer, blue eyes boring into Xander's.

"Arrogant bastard!" Xander raised his head, angry brown eyes meeting Spike's. They stared at each other for a moment before both of them leaned towards one another, mouths coming together in a kiss filled with anger, love and passion. Spike covered Xander's body with his own, his tongue tracing the boy's bottom lip. Xander's lips parted allowing Spike's tongue to enter his mouth. He groaned, arching up into Spike, his tongue playing with the vampire's. Xander wrapped his fingers around Spike's mouth, pulling him into a deeper kiss, almost whimpering as Spike's hand carded through his hair.

"Still sleeping on the couch, luv?"

"Huh?" Xander's mind wasn't functioning, all the blood having gone south. Spike got off of Xander, pulling the boy to his feet before nibbling on his bottom lip.

"Gonna punish the bad, rude vampire because he loves you so much it kills him to think of anything happening to you?" Spike's arms were wrapped around Xander's waist as he slowly started walking backwards, pulling Xander along with him.

"You're already dead, can't kill you." Xander murmured, allowing Spike to lead him towards the bedroom. Spike gave him another passionate kiss.

"I would walk into the sunlight and dust myself if something happened to you." Another kiss followed his words.

"You don't have any confidence in me." Xander pouted.

"Yes, I do. It just makes me crazy when you get hurt...I start ranting and I don't know what I'm saying. Do you forgive me, luv?" Another kiss and a sexy smile turned Xander to mush.

"You yelled at Buffy for no reason." Spike glanced over Xander's shoulder, smiling at the blushing girl.

"Sorry slayer."

"Okay, Spike." Buffy watched as Spike turned his attention back to Xander.

"Are you going to apologize for worrying me?"

"I'm sorry, Spike." Xander brushed his lips across Spike's. "Sorry I didn't listen to you." Another soft brush of lips. "Sorry I worried you." Another kiss as they entered the bedroom. "Can we get to the making up part now? Please?" Xander's last word came out as a groan as Spike's hands wandered down to his ass, pulling him closer.

"Might be inclined to do that...if you beg nicely." Spike pulled Xander into the bedroom, pushing the door shut but not before Buffy and Angel heard Xander's repeated pleas of "Please, please, love you, please."

After a few awkward moments Buffy turned to Angel. "So...uh...is that their idea of foreplay?"

"Anything is their idea of foreplay." Angel practically groaned, thinking of all the times Spike and Xander had made love during the past week. "Both of them are insatiable."

"And I guess that talk didn't go over so well, huh?" Angel shook his head. "Well, at least Willow managed to do the spell so we can't hear them." They stood around for a minute or two, both of them staring at the floor, afraid to look into each other's eyes for fear of getting carried away. This was definitely hell...Angel thinking it was worse than the one Buffy had sent him to.

"Want to go kill something?"

"Oooh, yeah." Buffy agreed, taking Angel's hand and leading him from the mansion.


~*~*~*~*~


Spike had undressed Xander, laying him down on the bed before taking his clothes off as well. Spike had crawled up Xander's body making sure to pay attention to all of Xander's hot spots except for his cock. Xander had closed his eyes, thoroughly enjoying the attention, so lost in his desire he hadn't noticed Spike tying his hands to the bed until it was too late. Now he was lying on the bed, his hands held up over his head by Spike's tie from his robe, watching Spike masturbate.

"Spike, baby, please...need you." Xander tried using his puppy dog eyes but Spike was refusing to look at him. "Spike, please look at me."

"Not going to fall for the puppy eyes, whelp." Spike continued to stroke his erection, his eyes closed in pleasure as he smiled.

"What are you grinning about, Spike?" Xander's tone was a mixture of irritation and arousal.

"Images in my mind, luv. Gonna have to make do with those seeing as how you don't want me tonight."

"I do want you, Spike. I do." Xander was almost whining.

"Not what you were saying earlier, pet. You wanted to sleep on the couch or toss my arse out of bed. Didn't want to be near me."

"I told you I was sorry." Now Xander was whining, struggling to get free. Spike smiled, feeling the bed move as the boy's body strained against the tie.

"Might as well stop, Xan. You're not going to get loose. And I know you're sorry but you have to be punished for threatening to withhold sex from me."

"Punished? I'm being punished? You started the argument remember? I forgave you."

"I forgave you for everything you said, luv but taking away sex is unforgiveable. Now lie back and take your punishment like a man."

"What are you going to do?"

"Exactly what I'm doing now. I'm going to close my eyes, imagine us making love, pleasure myself until I come while you watch." There was a few moments silence as Xander watched Spike's hand slide up and down the hard shaft. "Want to know what I'm thinking?"

"No." Xander was trying to be stubborn but the smell of phermones and the desire in his voice gave him away.

"Gonna tell you anyway. Right now I'm massaging your thighs, my fingers moving in circles, slowly inching up towards that hot cock of yours. God, luv you feel so good." Xander groaned, imagining how it would feel to have Spike's soft hands massaging his thighs. "Now I'm taking it in my hands, stroking it until I see the first sign of pre-cum. I lean over and gently lick the head. Fuck, you taste so good. I can't stop myself...I take you into my mouth, licking, sucking tasting you as you push up into my mouth. My hand reaches down, playing with your balls for a few moments before I go further finding your hole. I raise up, wetting my fingers before slipping the first one into your hot, tight ass. Another finger...then another...and another. By now your body is pushing down, taking me in as far as you can. I crook my finger, finding your hot spot and your body arches off the bed while you beg me to fuck you."

"Oh, God...Spike please." Xander's body was writhing next to Spike, thinking about how good it would feel to have Spike's finger in him. Spike glanced over, a wave of desire coursing through him as he sped up his strokes.

"Yeah, luv just like that. Love to hear you beg...your voice so full of desire for me. I slip my fingers out and slide my cock into that sweet ass of yours. I'm buried deep inside you, luv...I lean down and kiss those full lips of yours, tasting every inch of your mouth. When I'm done I kiss your jaw, your throat your chest. I take one of your nipples in my mouth, sucking on it while I play with the other one, giving it a gentle pinch."

"Spike...love when you do that." Xander moaned.

"Know you do, pet. I start moving inside you...slowly at first then faster, pounding into you as I feel my orgasm building." Spike's hand was moving faster and Xander watched in helpless desperation, wanting nothing more than to have his mouth on that beautiful cock. "Oh, yes, luv here it is...I'm gonna cum!" Xander's tongue licked his lips as he watched Spike shoot his load, desperately wanting to taste his lover, to touch that beautiful body that was arching up off the bed. When Spike was done he turned to look at Xander, the sight of his boy's arousal taking his unneeded breath away.

"Spike...need you...please baby...I'll never do it again...just please let me taste you...fuck me...oh, shit I can't stand this." Before Xander knew what was happening his hands were untied and Spike was kissing him. He turned Spike onto his back, his mouth heading straight for Spike's chest where he licked the vampire clean before doing the same to his stomach. He moaned as he took Spike's cock into his mouth, reveling in the taste that was Spike.

Spike lay back, watching his boy eagerly clean him, groaning as Xander's warm mouth engulfed his hardening erection. He stroked Xander's hair, careful to avoid the lump he had found earlier. When his cock was fully hard he pushed Xander away, laying him back onto the bed. Spike spread Xander's legs, parting his ass cheeks before leaning in and tasting his boy. His tongue entered Xander's hot channel which was already twitching with desire. Spike stroked Xander's cock, his tongue moving inside the boy in rhythm with each stroke. It only took a few moments before he heard Xander cry out, his body rising from the bed as he came.

Xander had just begun to relax from his first orgasm when he felt Spike enter him. He thrust his hips upwards, taking Spike inside him as deeply as he could. Spike groaned, loving the responsiveness of his boy. He leaned down and kissed Xander, not stopping until the boy had to breathe. He began to thrust in and out, feeling Xander's muscles tighten around his cock.

"Feels so good, Spike. Need you so much."

"I'm here, luv. Never gonna stop. Never."

"Spike...oh, fuck you know how to make me so fucking hot." Xander moaned, feeling his balls tighten for the second time. As Xander came, his ass muscles clenched Spike's cock so tightly that Spike came with him, both of them screaming each other's names. When they were done, Spike collapsed on Xander, the boy's arms coming around to hold him. Spike's fingers were gently rubbing Xander's forehead and the boy sighed.

"Mmm. That feels good." Spike started to roll over but Xander stopped him. "Stay inside me, Spike. Want to go to sleep just like this. Want to feel you inside me, owning me, possessing me." Spike's cock twitched at those words. "I'm yours."

"Always, Xander. You were born to be mine."


~*~*~*~*~


Xander stood outside of the school, watching two boys pass a football back and forth. He was feeling good today...really good. He had been awoken by Spike moving inside him, placing gentle kisses all over his body as he made love to him. Definitely better than any alarm clock he had ever owned. Afterwards they had made love in the shower before washing each other. Xander had been late to school, but it had been worth it.

"Hey, Doug! Toss me one!" Xander jumped up and down, waving his arms in the air. Doug turned, flashing an annoyed look at him before throwing the ball to the other boy.

"Les man, I'm open." Les ignored him, tossing the ball back to Doug. Xander was beginning to get embarrassed. Some of the cheerleaders and other fellow students were watching and Xander was desperate to get the boy's attention.

"Doug, right here man. Right here." Xander gestured with his arms. "Doug, please." Xander was about to give up when Doug finally turned, throwing the ball his way.

"Alright, it's all me." Xander thought he had the ball in his hands but it fell out of his grasp, landing on Jack O'Toole's cola, knocking it out of his hand and onto the ground. Xander ran up to the other boy, skidding to a halt in front of him.

"I am so sorry." Jack stood up and stared at him. "Doug's arm is kinda like spaghetti. We're all so very sorry for him. Is your lunch okay?"

"What are you...retarded?" Jack asked.

"No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. Little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spacial relations but certainly not challenged or anything. Can I get you another soda?" Xander pointed at the spilt drink while Jack shuffled the football from hand to hand.

"I ought to cut your face open."

"Hey. It was an accident. Cool down." Xander's good mood was beginning to fade.

"You want to be starting something?"

"What? Starting something? Like that Michael Jackson song, right? Too high to get over, yeah, yeah," Xander sang, hoping Jack would laugh along with him. "That was a lot of fun. Remember that fun song?"

"I get my buddies together, we're going to kick your ass until it's a brand new shape. Now get out of here." Jack shoved the football at Xander who turned to leave. He had walked a few steps before he decided he didn't like being treated that way. Who did Jack think he was talking to? Xander's lover was a bad ass vampire who could take him out in two seconds flat and Xander wasn't going to be treated badly anymore.

"Go ahead and get your buddies together, Jack. Kind of a cowardly thing to do if you ask me. You and your buddies ganging up on one guy. You must feel pretty threatened by me if you need back up."

"Okay, that's it asswipe. Let's go...right here....right now." Jack started towards him, his hand reaching into his pocket. Before he could reach Xander, Cordelia stepped between the two boys.

"As much as I would enjoy watching you two fight Principal Snyder is watching. I don't think you need to get kicked out of school...again do you, Jack?" Jack glanced towards where Cordelia was looking, quickly backing away.

"I'll see you later asshole."

"Be looking forward to it dickhead." Xander retorted, watching as Jack made his way across the yard.

"Yo, man...the ball." Xander turned and threw the ball to Doug before facing Cordelia who was shaking her head.

"You really have a deathwish don't you, Xander. You think because you have a vampire for a boyfriend you can talk to Jack like that? You better be glad I was here to save your sorry ass."

"I could have taken him."

"Oh, please. O'Toole would macrame your face. He is a psycho, which is still cooler than being a wuss."

"I'm not a wuss. I was going to fight him. You were the one that got in the way." Xander accused his ex-girlfriend. "I've come face to face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures hell ever spit out and I'm not afraid of a bully like Jack O'Toole."

"You should be. Unlike all those other creatures you've come face to face with, Jack actually noticed you were there."

"Why am I surprised at how nice you're not?"

"It must be really hard when all your friends have like superpowers. Slayer, witches, werewolves, vampires and you're like this little nothing. You must feel like..." Cordelia thought for a moment..."Jimmy Olsen."

"I was just talking to..." Xander's laughter stopped. "Hey, mind your own business."

"Oh, I struck a nerve. The boy who had no cool."

"I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a lot to offer."

"Oh, please." Cordelia laughed, starting to walk away.

"I do!"

"Integral part of the group? Xander, you're the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. Cool. Look it up. It's something that a subliterate who's repeated 12th grade three times has and you don't. I can't understand why someone as sexy and cool as Spike would go for a guy like you. Of course, if you look at his past dating history he used to be in love with a crazy woman so not much difference there."

"What does that say about you Cordy? In case you've forgotten...we dated."

"That was during my charitable time. I took pity on you."

"Yeah, right." Xander yelled at Cordy as she walked away, a happy smile on her face.

"There was no part of that that wasn't fun," Xander heard her say. He turned and made his way to the cafeteria, hoping he would find one or all of his friends. He needed to talk to someone...his insecurity was starting to show.


~*~*~*~*~


"Why do you let Cordelia get to you like that?" Oz asked. He and Xander were sitting in the cafeteria talking. Xander was glad it was Oz he had found. Even though Willow and Buffy were his best friends, Oz had a good head on his shoulder and Xander respected his opinion.

"It's just that it's bugging me...you know what she said about the 'cool' thing. I mean...what is it? How do you get it? Who doesn't have it and who decides who doesn't have it? What is the essence of cool?"

"I'm not sure."

"I mean, you yourself Oz are considered more or less cool. Why is that?" Oz shrugged.

"Am I?"

"Is it about the talking? You know, the way you tend to express yourself in short, non-commital phrases."

"Could be."

"Wait. You're in a band. That's like a business class ticket to cool with complimentary mojo after take off. I gotta learn an instrument. Is it hard to play guitar?"

"Not the way I play it."

"I need a thing. Something nobody else has. What do I have?"

"A vampire for a boyfriend."

"No..well, yeah but Buffy has one of those too and besides I can't tell everyone what he is."

"Well, you have an exciting, new obsession which I feel makes you very special."

"And now with the mocking...which I can handle cause I know I'm right about this. I'm on the track. I need to find my thing."

"It seems to me you're overthinking it. I mean, you've got some identity issues because you think no one has confidence in your fighting skills. It's not the end of the world." Xander had told Oz about the gang's reaction to him getting hurt the night before and the argument between him and Spike.

"Sometimes it feels that way." Xander's eyes brightened as a thought entered his mind. "I know. I'll call my Uncle Rory. He's got this neat, old car that he can't drive because he's got too many DUI's. I could be car guy...guy with a car."

"Are you sure you're ready for that, Xan? Driving, I mean?" Everyone knew how Xander and Buffy had both been afraid of riding or driving in a car since the accident.

"Yeah, I think I am. Spike's taken me out a few times...it's helped."

"Just be careful, okay? Don't want a repeat performance." Oz stood up, picking up his tray. "Sorry...gotta go...full moon." Xander sat back in his chair, a broad smile on his face. He'd call his Uncle after school, pick up the car and surprise his friends. He knew Spike wouldn't be impressed but the kids at school would definitely notice he wasn't a loser anymore.


~*~*~*~*~


That night Xander sat at the Bronze listening to his cousin Michelle go on and on about the boys she had dated and the cars they had driven. Why had Uncle Rory insisted that he had to entertain his cousin if he wanted to rent his car? And why had he thought that having a car would impress anyone? All it had done was prove two things...1)Everyone thought he was the Zeppo of the group and 2)they didn't even trust him to drive a car.

When he had pulled up at the school Willow and Buffy had immediately warned him about driving carefully before sending him out on a doughnut run. The apocolypse was coming...they had described it as the biggest...yet no one wanted him involved...except to fetch doughnuts. He had stopped by the mansion only to have a repeat performance from Angel and Spike. Both of them were involved in the apocolypse thing but neither one would tell him what was going on. Needless to say, Spike had gone ballistic about the car which had resulted in them arguing yet again. Xander had been pissed about being left out of everything and Spike was just as pissed about the car. Xander had left, not even bothering to tell his boyfriend where he was going. He had driven over to his cousin's house and picked her up...taking her to a movie before going to the Bronze.

"Xander, are you listening to me?"

"What? Yeah, I'm listening."

"Okay. Anyway, I started seeing this guy who had a Thunderbird. Engine completely tricked out. But the upholstery was kinda shoddy. So then I started seeing this guy, Mike. Not the Mike with the Mercedes...the Mike with the Mustang. An 82 V-6, you know---"

"Angel! Spike!" Xander jumped up, waving at his boyfriend and friend, forgetting all about their argument in his attempt to get his cousin to shut the fuck up. Angel quickly made his way across the floor, Spike following, and looking none too happy to see Xander.

"Angel...buddy...friend buddy. You guys want to sit and talk?" Spike stared at the pretty blonde before pulling his boyfriend away from the table.

"What the hell are you doing here with that bitch?"

"Hey! Watch what you say about her. Sure she's boring...all she talks about is cars but still...."

"Where'd you find her?" Spike's voice was filled with jealous rage and Xander suddenly remembered he hadn't told Spike about his cousin because of the argument.

"She's my cousin, Michelle. My Uncle Rory let me rent his car on the condition that I take his daughter out for the night. I always wondered why Michelle couldn't get a date...she is pretty, after all. Now I know. All she talks about is cars. Can't get her to shut up. I don't know where she gets that from."

"Yeah, that's a puzzler." Spike said, sarcasm in his voice. "I'm sure all the Harris' are quiet people."

"Okay, switching from angry to making fun of the boyfriend. That's so much better." Xander turned to walk away but Spike grabbed his arm.

"Xander, I know you're upset because no one is letting you in on this apocolypse thing and I would tell you what was going on if I could. They didn't tell me anything either. Guess they were afraid I'd tip you off."

"Really? So this isn't about you not trusting me?" Spike nodded his head. "So I made a total ass out of myself this afternoon when I got mad at you for not telling me?" Again, Spike nodded his head. "I'm sorry, Spike. Gee, I seem to be saying that a lot lately don't I?"

"Doesn't matter, pet. I love you anyway. Can't blame you for being upset. Bloody friends of yours are blind. They should know that you would get your feelings hurt and they should also know that I would never let anything happen to you." Xander gave Spike a kiss, only breaking it when Angel called out to them. Evidently, Michelle was boring the hell out of him as well. They made their way back to the table, Xander holding Spike's hand.

"Michelle, this is my boyfriend, Spike. Spike...Michelle."

"So you're Xander's cousin?"

"Yeah. It's nice to meet you. Xander's told me all about you."

"How did he manage to get a word in edgewise." Angel muttered, causing Spike and Xander to laugh. "Xander, we're looking for Buffy."

"Library last I saw. That's where I delivered the doughnuts anyway." Spike saw the hurt look on Xander's face and squeezed the boy's hand. If Angel wasn't so sure that they needed Spike's help with this apocolypse thing Spike wouldn't be leaving his boyfriend.

"I hope they know what they're dealing with."

"Let's go there and tell them." Xander prompted Angel, a hopeful look on his face.

"No, it's best if you stay out of harm's way."

"Best for who? Xander could help." Spike protested.

"Spike...if you want to stay here with Xander then stay."

"Think I will. I don't give a piss about an apocolypse." Xander gave his boyfriend a kiss.

"Go on. It's alright. They need you...go help my friends." Spike gave Xander another kiss before following Angel towards the door. "And be careful. I want you back in one piece." Spike turned and smiled at him before walking out the door.

"Hey, you want to go for another drive?" Michelle asked.

"Might as well. Nothing else better to do." Xander grabbed his jacket and walked outside. "You know, it's not like I haven't helped before. I've done some quality violence for those people." Xander opened the door for Michelle and she slid across the seat before he sat down, making sure to buckle his seat belt. "They act like I'm some sort of klutz." Xander started to pull out, not paying attention until he felt the crash. He sat back trying to get his heart to quit racing. This wasn't like the accident he was in with Buffy. He had only hit a parked car.

"Oh, God. Stay calm." Xander got out of the car and surveyed the damage. "A little fender bender. It's not...." He heard the other person's car door open and looked up to see Jack O'Toole exiting the car.
"the end of the world." Xander finished, thinking maybe it was after all if the expression on Jack's face was any indication.




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