Fandom: BtVS, AtS
Characters/Pairings: Spander, Dawn/Connor, Kennedy/Willow, Faith/Willow, Andrew/? (it's a silly surprise!)
Rating/Warnings:  Teen for language, and warnings for random crackness and slashy undertones.
Spoilers: General spoilers for both tv shows.  Disregards the comics.
Prompt: Spander, tree for [info]anxiety_junkie
Word Count: 888, a  complete and total total fail of the rules I set for myself.
Beta: [info]_beetle_
Disclaimer: I so totally own this show.  Bow Down!  *Doctor's Note: Patient exhibits delusions of grandeur and any claims of ownership are pure fantasy.  No harm is meant.  Seriously, it's better than her throwing rocks at people.*
Real Disclaimer:  I make no money from this, and claim no ownership over any of the copyrighted material of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or "Angel the Series."  Those works belong to their creators.



On a sunny Sunday morning, the dining hall was filled with Slayers, Watchers, and guests.  Many had gathered at the Montreal Slayers' Academy for Dawn and Connor's wedding, and quite a few were still feeling the aftereffects of the wedding reception; namely, embarrassment.

No one had been too surprised the previous evening when Connor had suddenly tossed Dawn over his shoulder and run from the dance floor, the puffy white dress billowing behind them.  It also wasn't surprising when several established couples had suddenly began kissing and groping.  Weird, yes, but surprising, no.

It was more surprising when Faith had suddenly yelled "fuck it," punched out Kennedy, and then'd thrown Willow onto a table and jumped on top of her.  A few Slayers and several men were disappointed when the writhing, kissing couple had suddenly teleported away.  Those unaffected by the strange mood had investigated and found the cause of these actions to be Andrew, who'd cast a spell looking for his true love.

The next morning, most of the couples sat at breakfast, red faced.  Of course, Willow had apologized profusely to Kennedy, while Faith had just shrugged smugly.  Two minutes later, Kennedy was once again unconscious at Faith's hand, having attempted to kiss Willow.  Because it turned out that while the effect of the spell had been an accident,the desires involved hadn't been created, just revealed.  Which meant....

It was at this moment that a hunched, bashful figure entered the doorway: Xander.  His face was a bright shade of red as he entered the dining hall, fidgeting with his eye patch before scurrying over to his usual table.

Dawn grinned. "Spike and Xander," she sing-songed.

Xander glared, but she continued.

"Sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I--"

"That's not what they were doing last night, Dawnie," Faith interrupted.

"Ah, good point.  Fine.  Spike and Xander, sittin' in a tree, F-U-C-K-I--"

"Dawnie!" Buffy yelped. "Shut up, I do not need these mental images!"

"Really?  Because I sure as hell don't mind," Faith drawled, leering at Xander.

"Faith!" Willow admonished, confusion plainly lining her face.

"What?  Just 'cause I'm all crazy over you don't mean I can't appreciate the idea of Spike and Xander fuckin,'" she said.  She looked over at Willow with an fond leer, then pulled the witch's chair closer.  She leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her lips, a kiss that quickly turned heated.

Xander stared, his eye wide before he looked away and dropped his head onto the table.  "God, I have officially entered the evil mirror universe.  Just kill me now," he groaned.

"Nah," Connor said, snickering.  "I don't wanna piss Spike off."

"Aw, poor Xander," Willow said.  She placed a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed.  "You should eat."

"Yeah," Connor teased, "He'll need to keep his strength up."

"Yeah, right.  I don't think Spike'll make the same mistake twice," Xander said, lifting his head when the table fell silent.  He frowned and scrunched his nose, staring at the group. "Crap, what did I do wrong now?"

"Xander, last night happened because Andrew cast a spell," Willow started.

"Figures."  Xander snorted.

"But it wasn't like a lust spell or anything, it was a love spell."

Xander's gaze went blank as he thought.  The next instant, his face shifted from fear to confusion to incredulity.  "Wait, Andrew made Spike fall in love with me?" he squeaked.

"Not quite," Willow said.  "See--"

"What my girl here means to say is that it only makes you act on what you want, it doesn't make you want something you normally don't," Faith interrupted.

Xander's eye widened as his jaw dropped.  "So you're saying that Spike... like, normally wants me?"


A small smile quirked his lips, then grew into a full smile.  A bark of laughter errupted from him, short and surprised, but joyous.  "Wow, so we're like, the weirdest pairing, huh?"

"Not even close, Boy Toy," Faith drawled.

Xander nodded before falling silent.  He sat still for a few moments, frowning.  Then in a rush, he suddenly stood, his chair clattering to the floor.  He quickly fashioned a sandwich out of bacon and pancakes before running out of the room.

Five minutes later, Andrew stumbled into the room.  His face was pale and drawn as he walked gingerly, his movements careful as he approached the original Scoobies.

"Wow, Andrew. You look like you were rode hard and put away wet," Buffy noted.

Andrew frowned. "What does that even mean?" he asked.

"I dunno," Buffy said with shrug.  "I guess it--"

"You little worm!"

The room fell silent as Kennedy struggled to her feet.  Her face was bruised and bloody as she stood, her eyes filled with a hate directed right at Andrew.  She lunged at him, but before she could make contact, Illyria was there, holding her off the ground, a blue hand wrapped around Kennedy's throat.

"Let it be known henceforth that none may punish my consort but me," Illyria announced.

The room was once again silent, broken only by one sound:

Andrew's whimper.

The End

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