Rating: PG13
Summary: Xander and Spike, fighting. and the true meaning of their
relationship.
Disclaimer: I do not own Spike and Xander. more's the pity.
AN: Songfic, using Lost Without You, and the version I'm listening to as I write is the one sung by Darren Hayes.
AN2: Song lyrics are marked with a ~ and spoken song lyrics are marked with a ~" uh hope that's clear enough.



Lost without You


by
Trixx



One more sip of cheap whiskey burning a trail down his throat. One more step into forgetting the fight they'd had tonight. The fight that could end it all; could end the years of happiness that they'd had. and all he'd had to do was apologize. and instead he was here.

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud

He knew that he should have stayed. fought, screamed, threw things, but he had taken the easy way out. He'd left. Walked out without a backward glance, leaving the question of when he'd be back hanging like a sad whisper in the air.

He wanted to go back. wanted to fight for what he believed in. wanted to fight for the love of a lifetime. but. he didn't understand how. The answers wouldn't be finding him in the bottom of the bottle tonight.

I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

He knew that this fight had been coming for so long. Since before they'd brought Buffy back. Since before they'd shared their first tentative kiss. Stubborn to the last screamed syllable. Never apologizing. always working to forget the whole thing had happened. That wasn't dealing. That was burying things so deep, that they festered and rotted from the inside out.

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

Downing the last drop of the whiskey straight from the bottle, he stood slowly, letting the world weave around him, as he made his way out of the seedy bar, made his way towards home, towards his love.

He put his key in the lock, stumbled a step when the door opened suddenly. He stared up into the most incredible blue eyes. The eyes he'd fallen so helplessly into for more than a year. Everything seemed so simple here, no doubts, no questions, just falling into the soul filled azure eyes.

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't
know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

No words were spoken as lips met lips, where no words were needed. Love shone through every touch, every caress, and every soft brush of a fingertip down a highly sculpted cheek. He leaned forward, pressing their brows together, closing his eyes, lost in the emotion, lost in the love emanating from the slender form pressed against him.

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

The tears began to fall, slipping down his cheeks, unchecked. Blue eyes stared with concern, soft succulent lips opened to speak, but found they couldn't under the desperate onslaught of lips savagely devouring. Tongues fought tongues, hands gripped and flailed, trying to find purchase in the emotional wasteland.

Oh my bed's so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

So many emotions, vulnerabilities and insecurities expressed in his desperately clutching hands. Want, need, love. desire, pressing in on him, pouring fourth for the first time since this had all began. His eyes once again met the blue ones gazing at him in concern.

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't
know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

Two bodies gently tangled around one another, all thoughts of drowning in a bottle forgotten, as brown eyes met blue. No more words were necessary. Xander had said it all.




The End





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