Two Weeks to Eternity...
Another year of loneliness and throwing himself into his work had passed.
Another year of wondering whether he’d have company at the bungalow or if this was the time Xander wouldn’t come had trickled by so slowly that Spike had wanted to scream… and had, on numerous occasions.
He tried to tell himself—just like he did every year when he stood in the pale glow of the one lightbulb on the porch—that it didn’t matter; that if the boy had decided to stay away, then at least he’d have the memory of the nights and days they’d spent here.
And just like every year, he found himself holding an unnecessary breath as he forced his hand to rise and grip the doorknob.
It was locked, of course, but he’d been expecting that.
He’d even almost been expecting the utter stillness inside when he finally let himself listen… except he hadn’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
But Xander wasn’t here. Xander hadn’t come. Xander would never be here again.
He could feel his face crumpling like a used tissue as he tried to hold himself together. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t. He was a vampire, a demon, and demons didn’t cry, for fuck’s sake!
Xander didn’t deserve his tears anyway, he told himself. Not when he’d been right all this time and the boy didn’t care a whit for him.
He’d been convenient, he supposed. Someone the human could experiment with and learn more about those same-sex urges with, and now…
Well, the boy had obviously decided that cocks and asses weren’t his thing. Or at least that Spike’s cock and ass weren’t, and that was what truly mattered.
Thank hells he’d never told the bloke how he felt… out loud while the boy was awake, he meant, because that would have been the bloody fucking icing on the sodding shit-cake.
Spike sighed and shook his head. He hadn’t even been able to work up a good bit of rage. Instead… all he felt was lost and alone and like he was missing a part of himself that he’d never find again.
The held breath finally left him completely on a shaky sigh and the vampire slowly dropped to his knees in front of the door that had once led to such pleasure and comfort and… belonging. The door that now hid nothing Spike cared even remotely about.
Of course, that was likely to be a problem for much longer than two weeks, his soul pointed out. They’d lost Xander, and… what else was left?
He’d thought… hoped… that they were at least friends, him and the boy, but then again, he doubted he’d have been able to go back to looking and not touching, even if such a thing were on offer.
Which it clearly was not.
He fell against the door, turning to put his back to it as his knees bent in front of him. And a moment later, when he pillowed his head on his arms and held himself in a tight fold there on the porch… well, that was when the tears stopped threatening and made good on their promise to fall fast and hard.
Bloody hell, he was such a ponce.
Xander was grinning as he strolled down the street, plastic bag swinging from his hand. It was early yet—barely past eight—but a strong tailwind and far less traffic than usual had let him get into town a good three hours ahead of schedule.
Extra time was never a bad thing, although in this case, it would have been better if there had been an even more early vampire there to share it with him.
Still, he’d taken the opportunity to head off to the shops and pick up a few things.
It still amazed him that the small resort town had a sex shop, much less one that was so well stocked. It was a good thing, though, because the airline had somehow managed to lose one of his bags, and it had—of course—been the one with the lube.
His clothes, he could have lived without. But lube, when he was going to be with Spike?
Not a chance.
Sex shop, grocery store… and he’d even stopped by the local video rental place and picked up a flick he knew Spike would enjoy—lots of blood and guts and explosions for the demon, but a happy ending that would appeal to the soul, too.
In his more introspective moments, because he did have them sometimes, Xander knew he was setting himself up for a frightening amount of pain when this thing finally ended… or more honestly, when he finally ended it, but every year, as the day came closer, he found himself promising himself ‘just one more time…’ and one more, and one more. On his darkest nights, he wondered whether he’d ever actually have the strength to just stay away someday. To break Spike’s heart just as much as he would break his own.
He’d have to, though, because everything he’d told Willow was still true, and no matter what she thought, he really didn’t think she’d be able to find any sort of way around it.
Not that she’d told him she was looking, but he’d known her for most of his life, and it was just the sort of thing Willow did.
His steps faltered for a few seconds before he shook off the depressing thoughts. He didn’t want to be depressed right then. After all, he was half a block and less than four hours from being naked with the vamp he loved… and if he was looking forward to the hours of talking after their initial ‘reacquainting’ just as much as the physical pleasure and release, well… he’d never tell.
Xander heard the sound of glass breaking when he dropped the bag on the front walk, but he only noticed it in the vaguest sense because…
Oh, God! That was Spike sitting there and he looked like his entire world had collapsed, and…
“Y… you’re early…”
The words were whispered, but still more than loud enough for Spike to hear.
His heart didn’t beat—couldn’t beat—but in that moment, the vampire was sure it was trying to do just that.
Wide wet eyes rose in a shot, staring intently and disbelievingly at the tall, solid shape standing nearly ten feet away, and… suddenly Spike didn’t care if the boy knew the truth; didn’t care if it made him a huge prancing git like his grand-sire that he wanted to tell him.
“Thought you weren’t… coming, pet,” he admitted against the salty-sweet side of Xander’s neck, his arms wrapping hard and desperate around warmth, strength, and a thundering heartbeat.
God, he’d forgotten that Spike could move so fast, but Xander would swear it had taken the blond less than a second to cross the distance between them.
That wasn’t what had his entire body flashing back and forth between elated and scared almost to death, though.
No, it was that… the dejection and misery that had been so clear in the vampire’s position just moments earlier had changed and become a sort of echoing joy that practically screamed Spike’s feelings, and right then, while that cooler, slightly smaller body was pressed so tightly to him; while those soft, full lips pushed roughly against his skin, Xander wanted to hear it.
No matter that nothing had changed about their situation, Xander wanted to hear the words… and worse yet, he wanted to say them. Wanted to tell the blond how much, and for how long, and so many other things that he should never, ever say… and it was too late to even try to walk away; probably had been from the very beginning, and he’d just been too stupid to see it, but he was seeing it now, and…
God, please let Willow find a way because he wouldn’t be able to let go once he admitted the truth that lived within his secret heart of hearts.
His own arms closed just as tightly around the more slender form and Xander’s head dropped, resting on one strong but narrow shoulder, heedless of the fact that anyone walking by would see them. He didn’t care, after all. Let the whole world see them. They’d never been obvious about their relationship, not even once, but… well, it was only a one bedroom bungalow, so only the truly stupid would be surprised at seeing them this way, even if public displays weren’t usual for them.
That had been his own fault, Xander realized for the first time… right then. Maybe he’d thought it was less real if the outside world didn’t see; didn’t know for sure.
Whatever, though. He’d turned a corner, and it had been the sight of Spike’s wet, hopeless eyes that had done it. There was no going back; not even if he wanted to.
“I’ll always come, Spike,” he breathed, unable to hide the trembling of his voice and not really trying, anyway. “Shit. I’m sorry, baby. I… I’m just so sorry, okay? I didn’t know…” Except he had, but he’d been trying to deny it in that ‘if you ignore it, it’s not real’ sort of way. He swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in his throat.
And suddenly Spike was feeling shy, of all things. He blamed the soul.
Still, the boy was right. He was early by hours.
He should have thought of that, he told himself angrily. He should have realized that there was no reason for Xander to be at the house just waiting for him so early. Not when his established pattern was to get there at the witching hour.
But he hadn’t and now he was screwed in the not-so-good way because Xander had seen him crying!
Xander had seen him all… curled up like a wee chit and sobbing his eyes out because he’d thought…
He’d always come…?
The boy—his boy—had just said he’d always come?
Well, yeah. Always.
He wanted to jump up and down or dance a jig or do something equally unlike him, but that would mean letting go of Xander’s heated shape and Spike just couldn’t do that. Not yet.
He could feel himself smiling against warm, fragrant flesh, though, and he didn’t even try to control it.
Words built behind his lips, pushing, pressing hard to be let out, until finally there was no possibility of holding them in and Spike said for the first time what he’d been wanting to say ever since that first night when he’d been inside his boy.
“This two bloody weeks isn’t working for me, pet. Hate to say it, but it was a sodding daft idea to begin with.”
Xander found his brow furrowing, even as he felt Spike’s hands stroking slowly up and down his spine, fingertips dipping under the waist of his jeans. “You’re the one who agreed to it,” he offered after close to a minute. “You could have just said no, right?”
A soft snort answered that question.
“Right, luv,” the vampire murmured, sarcasm tempered nearly to nonexistence by the caress sharing the tone, “because it would’ve been so much better to have had you once and then spent all these years just pining away.” Spike chuckled. “Not bloody likely, yeah?”
And while it wasn’t exactly the declaration of love that Xander had been expecting, it was pretty damned close. Close enough, anyway, that his own response maybe implied the same.
“Between the two of us, there would have been enough pining for a whole forest, Spike.”
It was later, after they’d made their way inside and discovered that the breaking glass had been both the jar of blackberry jam and the one of homemade mocha-fudge sauce—and after they’d cleaned off the plastic bottles of lube and made use of them—that the fateful words were finally spoken.
He was balls-deep inside the blissful sheath of hot tightness, his body laid almost fully atop Xander’s larger frame. His forearms were pressed against the mattress under toned flesh while his hands curved over the tops of swarthy, sweat-slicked shoulders and Spike… stopped, his eyes locked firmly on Xander’s deep brown orb.
“Pet…” he whispered, heart in his throat, “can’t do it again. Won’t. Rips me apart every time I have to leave you, yeah…?” He took one short breath on sheer instinct at the look in Xander’s eye. “Thought you’d given me up, then there you were, and… love you, Xander. Love you too much to walk away again and come back, I do. So… this. This thing we’re doin’. Need it to be all or nothing, luv.”
And God, it was so unfair that Spike wanted to do this while that long, thick cock was buried so deep inside him, pressing against the small spot that made Xander see stars.
It was even more unfair that Spike had said the words, and said them in such a way that there was no chance of passing them off as mere sex-talk.
Then again, it wouldn’t have mattered if the blond had said them in front of the tiny fireplace or in the shower or even in the kitchen over their evening cup of… coffee for Xander, and blood-and-Red-Bull for Spike. The vampire liked the carbonation, which was still kind of gross, but also… cute.
Xander closed his eye and thought about what they’d both be giving up if he did what he wanted to do and threw caution to the wind.
He thought about all the reasons he’d given Willow for why this was a bad idea, and all the ways things could go wrong.
Maybe Spike would get tired of him if he had to spend more than their two weeks with him.
Maybe Xander would find out that having a vampire on a daily and nightly basis was more than he could handle.
Maybe they’d drive each other crazy and end up hating each other as much as they…
But maybe—just maybe—they’d be okay. Maybe they’d love long and hard and for as much time as they had… and really, wasn’t that all he could ask for?
Xander couldn’t be responsible for what Spike did after he died, from whatever cause. And maybe Willow really would find some way to bypass all the problems that loomed before them.
But even if she didn’t, was that any reason to deny himself and his lover whatever happiness and joy they might find?
Was that any reason at all to give up the only person who had ever made him feel… this?
Spike was biting his lip when Xander finally opened his eye. He’d beaten himself at least a dozen times for screwing up what little he had, but he couldn’t quite manage to regret it.
Sure his timing could have been better, but he meant every word he’d said.
Sitting on the porch thinking Xander wasn’t there had done it for him.
It had shown him just how much he needed the boy. Permanently… or not at all. Because part-time wasn’t cutting it.
Even after Xander had suddenly—and miraculously, to Spike’s way of thinking—appeared, there had still been the knowledge that he couldn’t do it anymore.
All or nothing was more than just a cliché.
It was what he wanted; what he needed. And he’d rather never have Xander again, never see Xander again, than come to their bungalow in another year or three or ten and…
He couldn’t go through that again. He wouldn’t.
So this was the moment. The deal-breaker. And it wasn’t his boy making with the ultimatum. It was Spike. Huh.
His eyes were slightly golden and entirely misty as he waited for whatever words his bloke would speak.
Would Xander give him a reason to cry… or a reason to rejoice?
It all came down to this. To this moment. To this one tiny particle of time.
Xander’s eye was wet but steady. His lips were full and kiss-swelled and soft.
His body was tight and straining around the thick length spearing him so deeply.
His hands slid slowly up the vampire’s ribs, so slowly that it seemed he was committing the sensation to memory.
His legs rose higher, ankles crossing just above the small of Spike’s back.
He let his tongue creep out, wetting his mouth as he stared deeply into pale blue.
“Show me,” he whispered. “Because it’s not just your soul that’s involved here. Show me, Spike… show me your demon.”
A frown crossed the blond’s face, then he sighed and nodded.
His body throbbed, wanting nothing more than to finish and spill deep inside his love’s heat, but… he could do this. He would do this. For Xander. Because his boy had a right to see what he was getting into and Spike had never let the demon show while they were making love… not unless Xander was facing away, anyway.
The crinkling, crackling sound was oddly erotic, Xander realized. And so was the way the demon’s features appeared so quickly and yet smoothly.
He found himself wrapped tightly around something that should have frightened him since he’d spent so much of his life battling just that sort of thing, and yet… he’d seen it before. Knew the look of this particular vamp, though never in bed until now. Nonetheless…
“You’re still Spike,” Xander whispered, “and I still… love you. So, so much. So fucking much!”
His eye bled a soft, slow tear at the stunned ecstasy that appeared in the slanted golden gaze latched to his. “So in case that wasn’t clear enough… All, Spike. I’m choosing ‘all’, okay? Screw ‘nothing’. Nothing is… nothing I want.”
It was a slow, simple rocking motion that Spike started with his hips, but he could feel the swollen nub inside his boy as he shifted, and that was what mattered. Xander loved him. He’d said so and everything, and he’d even been looking him in his true face when he’d said it for the first time, and… and it wouldn’t be even close to the last time, Spike knew.
Still, he needed to get the boy used to it, because if there was any phrase the vampire wanted to hear repeatedly and on a regular enough basis to make anyone else choke, it was those three words, uttered in Xander’s voice.
‘I love you.’
Yeah… he could definitely get used to that.
And he would, he promised himself as he raised his torso slightly and pressed his lips to his boy’s tender, mobile mouth.
His tongue slipped inside that wet cavern, probing in time with the growing motion of his hips, and he swallowed every moan and gasp, only lifting his head when he felt the first spurts of thick, rich jism painting his stomach.
“Love you, Xan. Love you, pet,” he nearly growled, sharp, jagged teeth bared as he watched his bloke’s face contort.
He slowed his thrusts, working the boy down as the splashes of hot semen slowed… and his own orgasm took him by surprise, pulled from him sharp and sudden by six simple words from Xander’s lips.
Xander couldn’t think, couldn’t manage to even try. But he didn’t care. In fact, the last thing he wanted to do right then was think.
Instead, he held his lover closely, his body still shuddering from the explosion of seed slicking his stomach and Spike’s, too.
“God… love you too, Spike… baby…”
And he came again when he felt Spike swell inside him and shake over him, the demon’s face just as lost as Spike’s human seeming ever was.
Seventeen covens clearly weren’t enough, Willow thought with a frown.
They’d been searching for over a year now, and even though Xander and Spike had finally gotten their proverbial shit together just a few months earlier, she was determined.
Her best friend deserved to be happy. Fully happy. And he couldn’t be until she found a way to make things right.
Sure, there were ways of making Spike human, but that wasn’t what either of the men in question wanted. She knew that much because she’d actually asked them.
‘Offer that sucker deal to broody, Red,’ Spike had said, while Xander had just laughed in the background. ‘But I’m betting he won’t be any more interested than I am, yeah?’
Oddly enough—or maybe not so oddly since Spike had known Angel for well over a hundred years—the other souled vampire had turned her down, too.
That had bothered her for about a minute, but then Willow had found out that he was dating a Muse, and since they hadn’t been known for getting involved sexually with humans since ancient Greek times, she supposed it made sense.
Still, Angel refusing humanity seemed to imply that he and whatever her name was were well past the getting serious phase, so… Willow wished him well. And his Muse, too. Apparently the happiness clause didn’t apply to relations with mythological beings. Yay!
She would keep looking, she told herself, and so would the rest of her people. And someday…
Her thoughts were interrupted by the soft melody she’d chosen to announce new e-mail, and she smiled when she saw that it was from Father Jeffrey. He was one of her contacts at the Vatican, though she doubted the Holy Father knew about his friendship with a ‘godless heathen’… other than his younger sister, anyway, which was how they’d ‘met’—meaning Lucia had pulled them into IM together one night and they’d had a blast trying to debunk each others’ beliefs.
In the end, they’d realized that they were kindred spirits, religion aside.
He was a young guy, and clearly had a true Calling, but that didn’t keep him from having a truly wicked sense of humor. He e-mailed her every time he heard a new—highly inappropriate for a Priest—joke.
That was what she was expecting when she opened the letter, but it took less than a minute for her eyes to open wide as she read it again… and then a third time.
“Oh… Oh! This could work!”
The irony wasn’t lost on either of them that their possible solution had come from a Priest stationed at the Vatican.
That he was a friend of Willow’s might explain it, though she’d never met him in person and Spike wondered whether the Father’s efforts on their behalf were going to turn back and bite the Padre on the ass.
Of course, there was nothing either he or Xander could do about it, either way, so…
“Might as well give it a shot… right, luv?” he offered hopefully.
Xander chuckled softly and shook his head, though he was obviously agreeing. “Guess the guy’s screwed if they find out, baby. Wills did make it a ‘theoretical’ dilemma, but who knows what the Pope is gonna think if he ever hears about it?”
He gave Spike a smile that he tried to keep from being too hopeful. “And if it works…”
The vampire grinned hugely and tackled his bloke to the floor of their apartment, laughing smugly when Xander rolled them and pressed hard onto his frame. “Someone’s feeling frisky, yeah?”
“Oh, Hell yeah,” the brunette answered, rocking roughly against the vampire’s groin. He didn’t top very often; simply because he loved the way his blond’s cock felt when it was buried deep inside him, but… “Gonna do you so good, baby… make you beg. I love it when you beg, Spike. It makes me…”
“Quiver?” the vampire teased, even as his bloke’s body did just that. “Please, Xan. Please, pet. Please, luv. Split me open with that sodding bludgeon you call a cock…”
Even if this possibility from Rome, of all places, didn’t work out, Spike knew they’d be alright.
He’d turn the boy if he had to, and just to be safe, he’d told the witch as much, months earlier.
She had the orb ready and waiting, too, because no matter what Xander thought, both demon and soul loved him enough that they’d never let him go.
Not for anything.
And then he was naked, and so was Xander, and there were fingers, and later a tongue… and even later, there was a long, hot, meaty shaft opening him further still, and Spike had never been so happy… except for every single day he spent with his bloke.
And Xander had never known it was possible to feel so good, so thrilled, so complete… and maybe one day, when all other options were exhausted, he’d let Spike claim him… and turn him. The soul should be used to him by then, and… maybe if he never killed and had his own soul back, Spike would still be able to love him.
He hoped so, anyway… for the bare moment before his vampire’s cool, grasping ass pulled him deep again.
After that, he just wasn’t thinking at all.
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