Originally archived at Geocities. I have been unable to contact the author.
To Be Beneath You
"You are beneath me."
Buffy spun on her heel and walked out of the alley, leaving Spike alone on the ground, money fluttering around him.
You are beneath me.
The words of Cecily over a hundred and twenty years before echoed through his head, making him feel like the small insignificant person he was as a human. He looked away, resisting the urge to cry, but he couldn't stop the tears. He looked down, gathering his money, tears spilling on his cheeks.
"I wasn't bloody good enough to keep my Dark Princess, Angelus hated me, Darla just wanted Angelus. . .Cecily. . ." He paused, choking back a sob. He'd loved her as a human, and yet she oh so casually dismissed him. And now Buffy.
Drusilla accused him of needing the Slayer while they were in South America, while playing games with the Chaos Demon.
"I don't! I don't need the effin' Slayer!" he yelled, his words echoing off the walls of the alley.
"S. . .Spike?"
Spike turned, wiping his tears away. He growled, not enjoying being disturbed - or surprised - while he was in the middle of an emotional breakdown. "What do you want, whelp?"
Xander stepped forward, glancing behind him. He looked back at Spike, chewing his bottom lip. "Spike, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," he hissed, gathering the rest of the money, standing up. Images of the Slayer's blood running freely over her smooth skin danced through his head. "I'll bloody kill her. That'll fix everything."
"Wait, wait, hold up! Kill who?" Xander exclaimed, stepping forward, putting his hands out in a 'don't hurt me, I'm innocent' gesture.
"The Slayer," Spike hissed, turning amber eyes at the youth.
"Spike, you can't kill Buffy!" Xander exclaimed, taking a few more steps towards the angry vampire. He knew he shouldn't have been advancing towards him, that he should have just turned and run, going to warn Buffy, but something was keeping him there. He knew whatever it was had affected the vampire, having seen the tears in his eyes. What could possibly make Spike cry?
"Right, because she's your mate. Ooh, boo hoo, moron. Too bloody unlucky for you," Spike growled, stuffing his money in his pocket. He started planning in his head. He'd go to the crypt, dig to the bottom of his weapons chest and pull out the shotgun. . .he could blow a hole in her from far away - far enough that he didn't have to risk her beating the hell out of him - or receiving a stake in the heart. "Don't know why I didn't think of that before," he murmured.
"No, Spike, not because she's my 'mate'. Granted, I don't want her dead because she's my friend, but. . ." He paused, looking down. "Spike, if you hurt her, you hurt."
"Why do you bloody care if I hurt or not?" Spike growled at Xander. "You're just another one of her little do-gooders, I'm the bad guy, remember? Not good enough for the likes of you." He shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking down the alley, towards the mouth of it.
Xander jogged down the alley, falling in step next to Spike. "Maybe you are one of the bad guys, Spike, but you're better than that. I mean. . .you helped us before. You helped Buffy save the world when Angelus wanted to send it to hell. . ."
"Wanted to save Dru. Slayer promised not to stake her," Spike murmured.
"And. . .and. . .you helped us when those nasty demons wanted to open the Hellmouth. . ."
"Because I found out I could hurt a demon. Other than that, I say bring it on," the blonde replied, stepping out onto the sidewalk.
Xander chewed on his bottom lip. "Oh! So last week, you helped Buffy when the demons we couldn't see were trying to kill her!"
"Because I. . ." Spike stopped, looking down. "Bloody hell. I didn't want the Slayer to die," he growled.
Xander popped him on the arm, causing the vampire to growl dangerously. Xander ignored it. "See, Spike, you aren't that bad!"
"But you don't get it, Harris! I'm supposed to be that bad!"
"Is. . .is that why you were crying?"
Spike's growls grew, his hands curling into fists. "I was not crying!" he roared angrily. He started stalking down the street, his step hard and purposeful. He was going to kill the Slayer.
Xander caught up to him. "Ok, then, we can play your way. Is that why you weren't crying? Because you helped Buffy and it wasn't a purely selfish reason?" He frowned slightly, wondering why the blonde had helped the Slayer for a non-selfish reason.
"Oh, it was selfish, and stupid," he growled.
Xander took a deep breath, knowing his next move could very easily get him killed, chip or no chip. He grabbed Spike's shoulder and pulled, causing the very angry, very growly, very full game face vampire to turn towards him. "So why don't you tell me what it is, then, Spike? We'll go, get you smokes and beer, and go back to my apartment, and talk. Vampire to man."
Spike resisted the urge to pound the human into the concrete. "I don't bloody talk."
"And it festers and grows and then. . .then you get ulcers!" Xander yelled angrily. Why couldn't the vampire just get it through his thick skull that he wanted to help?
Spike blinked, then started laughing. "Ulcers? Whelp, vampires don't get ulcers!"
Xander took another deep breath and stepped into Spike's personal space, nose to nose with the vampire. He didn't flinch, even though the blonde was in full game face. "You may not get ulcers, but you get angry and pissy and you can't do a damn thing about it because if you do, your head will pop off from the stupid migraine. I'm trying to help you, Spike. Is that wrong of me?"
Spike blinked, his face melting back to his familiar human features. He was surprised at the knackers on the human for getting in his face like he was. He smirked, always thought that Xander was much braver than any of his friends gave him credit for. "So you want to help me, is that it? Why?"
"Because," Xander said quietly, not taking his brown eyes away from the blues of Spike. "I know what it's like to be the odd one. . .the circle that doesn't quite fit into the square."
Spike blinked, realizing that Xander could be right. Perhaps discussing this with him would be a good thing. "All right then, Harris. Let's go get some beer and head back to this new apartment of yours."
"You think you like her?" Xander asked in shock.
Spike had just gotten through explaining everything to Xander: the dreams, imagining he was fighting her while he was with Harmony, everything. Bloody whelp is right. It does feel better to talk about it. "Yeah, well, I don't want that to get out, Harris."
"And you almost kissed her, and she said you were beneath her, which brings back some deep seated anger from when this stupid chick back in the day hurt you the night Dru found ya," Xander slurred, leaning back against the couch.
The two were thoroughly drunk, having drank a good amount of alcohol before Spike would even consider talking to him. "Yeah," he said, flicking the metal top to his bottle of beer across the room, grinning slightly as it slammed into the wall then clinked against the other tops sitting on the floor.
"Ya know, I think everyone likes Buffy at one time or the other," Xander commented. "Hell, I wanted her, but then I wanted every girl in high school."
Spike turned slightly, looking over his shoulder at Xander. "You wanted the Slayer?"
Xander moved his gaze from the ceiling to the vampire, smirking. "You say that like you are shocked. She's Buffy. All cute and blonde and in a great package. Why are you surprised?"
"Well, the ex-demon for one. They're nothing alike."
Xander shrugged. "I like Anya, she's pretty cool, I guess. But Buffy. . .you know why she attracts all these guys?"
Spike sat back, dangling his beer bottle between his fingertips, watching the water drip down the side. "Why's that, Harris?"
"Cause she's so damn unattainable. I mean, we're all great guys, and who gets her? Angel and Riley." He chuckled. "She ends up with eternally broody, who's something she's supposed to kill, by the way; and Farmboy. Don't get me wrong. I like Riley a lot, but he's. . .he's. . ."
"A soddin' lug," Spike nodded, chuckling.
"Spike, you know what I say you should do? Dump Harm - I mean, she's a ditz. You deserve way better than her. Dru was loony, but she had a hellova lot more sense than Harm. And Buffy? Give up on that road, cause it ain't gonna happen. She's a Slayer, for God's sake. You're supposed to kill her! Roll around in her blood or something like that." Xander giggled slightly.
Spike moaned slightly, the idea of bathing in the Slayer's blood turning him on. He rested his hand on his chest, long pale fingers splayed against the black cloth. "Mmm, that does sound appealing, bathing in her blood, drinking till I'm full." He tilted his head a bit, grimacing as the chip sent small sparks of pain shooting behind his eyes.
"Anyway, on to better not-killing-one-of-my-best-friends topics. . .I mean, Spike, you are not an unattractive guy. You should be able to get any girl you want," Xander said, looking over at the vampire.
Spike turned his head, smiling slightly. "You think I'm attractive?" he asked, needing the validation.
"Well. . .duh, Spike. You've got that blonde hair, and those blue eyes to die for - not that I want to die, thank you very much! And the body. . ."
Spike turned slightly, putting his arm on the back of the couch. He rested his cheek against his pale skin, long having removed his duster. "What about my body, luv?" He watched in fascination as Xander's brown eyes glazed over slightly and he chewed his bottom lip in thought. He never was much of a 'bloke man', however, he'd had to endure the humiliation of submitting to Angelus when the vampire had been particularly angry with him. He licked his lips, wondering how it would feel to be the one on top, the one in control.
Spike wondered why he'd never tried taking a man before. He nodded slightly to himself, realizing it was because he always had a woman there - Dru, then Harm. There was no need.
Xander's words brought him back from thoughts of pounding into the mortal in front of him. He focused on the lip the youth had been chewing on, watching it as he talked. "Well, I mean, you're lean, and kinda. . .small? No, not small. . .but. . .I mean you aren't big, like Angel or Riley are. . .but. . .it's like, you're this small guy - but you're so strong. You have these. . .muscles. . that ripple. And when you fight. . .damn, Spike, you're beautiful when you fight."
Spike's eyes flew to Xander's and he was surprised to see a bit of lust in the chocolate orbs. "You think I'm beautiful?"
"When you're at your best, yes. Not that I'm attracted or anything, because I'm not. But when you fight, when you're vamped and doing what you do best, you are truly a sight to behold." He smiled slightly. "How someone can say you're beneath them is a mystery to me. Personally, I think it'd be much more enjoyable to be beneath you." His eyes widened slightly, and he mentally cursed his drunken mind for letting out a little more than he should have.
"Are you trying to seduce me, Harris?" Spike murmured, moving closer to him.
"Of course not!" Xander exclaimed, his heart picking up as he realized the drunken vampire was moving in. "I mean. . .unless it's working. Is it working?"
Spike reached up, running his thumb along Xander's bottom lip - the one he found himself wanting to nibble on. "Perhaps. I can assure you I'm not thinking of any of the women in my life right now."
Xander tilted his head slightly, capturing Spike's thumb in his mouth. He ran his tongue along the tip, causing the vampire to groan as images of lying back and having that warm mouth surround his cock assaulted his mind. He suddenly found himself extremely hard and extremely wanting to see how it would feel to sink into the warmth that was Xander Harris.
The mortal kissed the tip of his thumb, moving his head back, allowing it to fall from between his lips. "I'll make sure the door is locked, and you go to the bedroom."
"This better not be a bloody trick, Harris," Spike growled, his eyes flashing yellow.
Xander grinned slightly, leaning forward to kiss the vampire softly on the lips. "No trick," he murmured against his lips. "I, unlike others, don't think that you are beneath me."
Spike grinned, grabbing the back of Xander's neck and attacking his lips with brutal passion. When he pulled away, they were both panting. "No, not beneath you. . ." he murmured softly. "But you will be beneath me." He stood, pulling Xander up. "Go check on the door, Xander," he grinned. "I' ll be in bed waiting."
Xander leaned over, stealing another quick kiss. "See ya in a minute, Spikey." He grinned, running to the door.
Spike watched him, then chuckled, walking into the bedroom. His unlife just got interesting.
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