Set: No particular time, but the boys are together.
Rating: um innuendo, so PG as fluffy as you can get without clouds
Summary: Home décor, Hellmouth style.
Disclaimer: Not mine in any way shape or form. Just playing!
A/N:This was based on a prompt by [info]kate_fire and lovingly beta'd, in my panic, by [info]fanbot All errors mine, all polishing hers!

Home Decor



There was a warble in the tone that roused Spike from his half-slumber state. It irked him to hear his lover so uncertain. Thought he'd trained that out of him.

"Wot then?" He tried to turn to look at Xander when – "Sodding hell, what's happened?"

"That's what I was trying to figure out," said a voice several feet away. That was odd too, for no matter what they always slept entwined. What was Xander doing across the room? With a concerted effort, Spike turned toward the voice, and made a scrapping sound.

"Xander? When did we get a new chesterfield? And in plaid? With a brown throw rug?"

"Umm, Spike?"

"And why are you hiding behind it? It's not that hideous."

"Spike," Xander whined.

"Not my style, bit too over stuffed, but it looks comfy."

"SPIKE!" The exasperated tone finally stopped his—bloody hell had he been babbling? Obviously Xander's bad influence.

"Ya, Xan?"

"I didn't buy a new sofa. And I definitely didn't buy two new sofas. Are you sure it was burba weed you 'lifted' last night?"

"Burba weed, what the bleeding hell does burba weed have to do with a furniture purchase.. .two?"

"Look in the mirror."

That comment had Spike rolling his eyes. Why should he look at his lack of reflection? But he complied with his lover's request. "Now, see that? Black leather with the red pillows, much more my style. Not too sure about the blond wood frame and the legs are a bit spindle-ly." He leaned forwarded to get a better look when – "Did it just move?"

"You ARE useless before your morning pint aren't you?" As bitchy are the words were, the tone was affectionate. "It moved because you did. Spike, I'm not hiding behind the sofa, I am the sofa." Xander paused as if expecting some response.

"Bollocks! If we were chesterfields, I wouldn't be able to see myself in the mirror."

"That's the point you're hanging your hat on? That you'd be turned into a vampire sofa? What would you drink? Stuffing? The whole talking with no mouth or the looking with no eyes isn't wigging you a bit 'cuz there's a reflection?" Xander's voice was picking up both speed and pitch until Spike was concerned for the glassware.

"Calm down, pet. We'll figure this out. Do you think that Red might have..."

"She's off the magic now, you know that!"

"Well, did you lot piss off any magical demons lately?"

"Not more than usual – and they were all about the maiming, not so much with the home décor. In fact that lair we were in last Thursday made your old crypt look like Better Homes and Cemeteries material."

Spike wasn't sure whether he should preen or swat Harris on the head for being a git.

"Whoever they were knew what they were doing. Not particularly Victorian, think I've got Queen Anne's legs on this thing, and it's good quality."

"You aren't – I can't believe, you're preening about your sofa attributes!" Xander shouted in frustration. "You're so vain, if you had a reflection normally we'd never get out of the house would we?"

"It's not like you don't enjoy looking now, is it?" Spike said with a leer, or tried to as it was hard to tell without eyes and all.

"Only you could give a sofa attitude." The brown rug on top of the plaid sofa shook a little.

"Working though, isn't it? And I'm not a sofa; obviously I'm a very expensive chesterfield." Despite Spike’s show of bravado, and although he did like the way the chesterfield looked, he really wanted to feel Xander's arms around him. But Xander's arms were short and stuffed and wait a second what was happening with Xander's cushions? "Pet? Something you want to tell me?"

"Either I'm a sofa-bed or I'm really happy to see you," quipped Xander.

"And what a big bed you have, luv. I’d say king sized."

"All the better to...okay this is getting a little squicky even for us."

"So, spell?"

"Spell or the Heart of Gold just passed by here."

Spike let the science fiction movie reference go. "I do look hot though."


The End

[info]kate_fire gave me this prompt:
Spike and Xander have been turned into something...odd. Like a couple of sofas or claymation characters or stuffed animals. And then add sex!
well I tried, really I did!

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