He’s beginning to lose feeling in three fingers of his left hand; he lost all feeling in the right ‘bout five minutes ago. His arms are stretched out just past the point of uncomfortable, lashed tightly to two legs of a table at Willie’s Alibi Room. Fully dressed in Big Bad regalia, pants around his ankles—which are lashed to the other two table legs—he’s currently being ass-skewered by some scabby minion, working on the second of a Gorab’s three cocks with his mouth. His eyes, however, are somewhere else.
He’s had six in his ass, four in his mouth—five, if you count the Gorab’s first cock, hanging flaccidly and slowly leaking onto his forehead, stringy yellow cum soaking into his left eyebrow—and there’s a line out the door. He wriggles his toes, fascinated by the squenching sensation. His eyes smile. Apparently, the pinkish trail originating in his ass has navigated its way down his legs and into his Doc’s. He’ll squish all the way home—if he can walk, that is.
He’s bleeding from too many places to count, throat and ass raw to the point of numbness, but he’s had worse; twenty years with Angelus was more than adequate preparation for this. No, the pain’s more soothing than anything; less than he deserves after…her…but his eyes, his eyes are trained on someone else.
On to cock number three, and a Fyral rips into his ass with its massive prick, but Spike's eyes are only for his Xander.
His Xander, aching-dicked and white knuckled, will not lose the blonde’s gaze; eyes steadfast from the moment Xander snapped the first manacle closed to the moment the last pulls out spent. His cock is beyond the point of pain and sends white flashing shocks throughout his body, but he won’t come.
He’ll never come unless it’s his Xander.
So he waits, eyes unwavering, because he knows that his Xander will take him home, clean him up, then love him too much. It’s the love that causes the hurt, you see: The pain, the rape, is his balm.
And afterwards, his Xander will hold him, kiss him and love him, and it’s too much. Too, too much, until they have to make another trip to the Alibi Room.
Xander's POV, The companion story:
Degrees of Homicide
Summary: Xander loves his vampire, even if it might kill them both.
When Spike didn’t come home one morning, he knew for sure.
There had been hints, but Xander didn’t want to think about it, so he ignored them. The lack of a bleached blond in his bed, however, was too much to ignore. Hours later, Xander finds him; curled up in the shade of a dumpster behind the Bronze - face lumped and blackened, clothes in tatters, lying in a pool of his own blood.
Avoiding a trail of blood creeping toward his boots, Xander cradles his vampire and takes him home. He removes tatters of cotton and denim and cleans the wounds. Spike is silent. Xander lays him in the bed and tucks him in, but when Xander tries to kiss him, he whimpers and pulls away.
Xander’s everything hurts, and he’s not sure what to do about it.
The next night he follows the vamp, sees him whoring himself out to demons – anyone who’ll fuck him and make it hurt.
He runs home, hiding under the covers, hoping against all hope that it’s a dream. He can’t sleep; his lover’s yelps of pain and cries for “more” echoing in his head until he’s sobbing so violently he can’t breathe. So he goes out and finds his love, and brings him home yet again. His caresses and kisses don’t help.
He does what he has to do. He can’t hurt Spike like that—gets physically ill every time he thinks about it—but he won’t allow his lover to put himself in danger. So he puts out the word, even pinning up notices at local demon hotspots, pimping the love of his life to scum. Handcuffs him so he won’t roll around like a bitch in heat. Xander couldn’t take that.
He stays the whole time, eyes never straying from the macabre scene being painted before his eyes. He knows that Spike needs this...to be punished for what he’s done...what he did. But he knows that in spite of the violence being directed at the blond, they’re both paying.
Every kiss, every touch, every whispered ‘I love you’ he pays for, because every punch, every thrust, every vile creature that comes inside his love takes a piece of his heart.
And he understands that his love will kill them both.
When it’s all done, he gathers up his vampire and takes him home to love him a little bit closer to death.
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