Forever Hold Your Peace


Hot breath panting in his ear, harsh hands holding onto his hips, a twisting deep thrust that forced a cry from him – he was drowning in sensations. Dropping his head to the pillow, he tried to muffle the sounds he couldn't help making, fingers clenched in the sheets as he thrust his hips backwards, the slap slap sound of their bodies meeting so very loud in the room.

“Can't...... can't hold back. Gonna come – please.....” A hand grabbed his hair, tugging his head back as he felt sharp teeth grazing his neck. He knew he was whining, hoarse sounds dragged from his throat as the pace kicked up a notch, the tingle and sizzle in his spine, racing to his balls as his orgasm threatened to blow him into little pieces.

“Yes...... oh fuck, yes......come for me....come now!” The guttural moans in his ear, the frenetic pace of hammering thrusts deep within his body, the hot blast as his lover came and he was free-falling, heart stuttering as he rode the wave of ecstasy that stripped the skin from his bones and left him adrift on a sea of utter bliss.

They lay panting together, hands stroking and rubbing, kisses scattered wherever could be reached. Slow to disengage, they wrapped around each other and drifted into sleep.


“.....speak now or forever hold your peace.” The words of the priest reached his ears from a distance, and for a moment he was sure he was going to stand up, could feel the muscles in his thighs tensing in preparation. Wrestled with his inner demons that said to do it, do it now before it was too late, before something irrevocable happened. But then nothing. He remained in his chair, heart dead in his chest as they exchanged their vows, kissed each other and turned to smile at their families.

The reception passed in a blur – he knew he was in the receiving line, greeting guests and guiding them to their tables. Handled problems with the catering staff quietly and efficiently, managed to keep himself occupied until it was time for speeches.

“I know I speak for my husband” titters from the guests “when I say we wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for someone very special, to both of us. Many of you know that Will and I broke up for a while, weren't sure we were right for each other. But Xander brought us back together, made us see the way that things should be and we are unendingly grateful. So please join with us, in thanking Will's best man, his brother and my best friend – to Xander.”

“To Xander.” The toast was echoed, glasses were raised, pats on the back were given. He knew he was smiling, the fake stretching of lips and baring of teeth enough to fool most of them, pretty much all of them. And then his eyes locked with blazing blue, the love/pain shining clear as a summer sky before the lashes fell and the toast was echoed by the groom.

Xander raised his glass and took a sip, lowering his eyes so that he didn't see the kiss exchanged between his now ex-lover and his new bride.

Forever Hold Your Peace II

The other side.... Warning: (highlight to reveal) Implied Incest

I watch him dancing with his date. That Riley bloke. Never did like him – works for some weird Initiative thing, something about helping the less fortunate. Sounded more like army recruiting but there you go.

He's smiling at something the git's said and this time the smile reaches his eyes. They crinkle in the corners and his wide pouty lips spread into that smile that brings in the sunshine. Wonder what that Riley git would think if he knew that last night those lips were spread around my cock, sucking me deep into his throat til I'd begged to come? Not that he'd let me – said he wanted me to fuck him so hard he'd be feeling it all day today. So I did. And instead it seemed it was me feeling it all day today.

Throughout the ceremony, practically begging silently for him to stand up and say something, anything. The reception line with all the guests that Buffy had invited, our so-called friends. How could they be friends if they didn't know that your heart was breaking with every minute that passed, that you wanted nothing so much as to smash that Riley git's face in and pull his hands off your man?

Maybe he never loved me. But I know that's bollocks, know just how much he loves me. Loves me enough to let me go, he says, like it's something I should be happy about. Fucked if I am. Don't care how much money's gone into this whole spectacle, what business deals have been sealed with the words 'I do'. What makes it worse? I used to like her, I really really did.

The toast fucked me right off. Anyone would think she didn't know, but she does. Just her way of turning the knife I suppose. I know she was watching him out of too-bright eyes, making sure every word hit their mark. Every kiss angled to make sure he could see it. Best man won and all that. But she hasn't won. Because no matter what she's threatened, no matter what she holds over me, over us, my heart won't change. I've loved him since I was old enough to know that loving boys was bad, but loving my brother was worse. And how fucked up is that, eh? That the love of my life turns out to be my brother? If there's a God, he's laughing his ass off at me.

Fucking Riley's moving in for the kill, trying to kiss him on the dance floor. Wanker's got no class – anyone can see Xan's not into pda's like that. He's out but he doesn't feel the need to shove it in people's faces. Although, the way he's responding you'd be forgiven for not knowing that. Feels like someone shoved a great big butcher's knife into my heart and is twisting it around and around, shredding me into pieces watching the two of them. But what hurts more is when they separate and he looks right at me. Lips parted, eyes half closed. I can still see the pain in them, know just how much he's hurting. And I know, when Buffy and I drive off for our wedding night, I know who's arms he'll be in. I know what he'll be doing and for that moment I hate him almost as much as I love him.

Forever Hold Your Peace III

And sometimes you have to make the choice... Warning: (highlight to reveal) Implied Incest

Loading the car, I didn't expect him to come out. The first hint that he was there was the smell of cigarette smoke, the sound of his shoes on the gravel.

“Wondered where you'd gone.”

“Mum asked me to load the car. She said you and Buffy would be leaving soon.”

“Right.” I used to wonder how silences could be pregnant, but I know now. “I love you.” God, the silence was easier to bear.


“Leave with me. Now. Please. We've done what they wanted. Just – I can't do this without you.”

“We can't.”

“Why?” That stubborn tone, the scowl that had always made my heart melt, made me want to give in to everything he desired from the time he entered my life at the age of five.

“Because. We've talked about this.”

“No. YOU talked about it. You decided. Xan, they have what they want. Can't we please start living for us?”

“It's not that easy. You know that.”

“Give me one good reason, just one. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me, that you don't want to come away with me right now, and I'll go. I'll play the happy husband and all that shit. But you have to convince me.” When did he step so close? And how was I supposed to do this when I could almost taste him on the air? Could see the streaks of gold in his blue eyes, smell the cigarette smoke on his breath?

“It's always been you. And it always will be.”


“Please? I love you.”

I never could say no to him. The valet will have given the note to our parents by now. I can imagine how they'll react, and God, the explosion that will be Buffy's reaction. But as I turn to look at him, those blue eyes smiling back at me, his hand resting on my thigh as he steers the car down the highway, I can't bring myself to care.

The End

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