Notes: A plot tried to sneak in, but I ruthlessly killed it, bled it dry and then fed it to Spike. I think he was a little miffed that Xander wasn't offended by the senseless slaughter, but I assured him that *no* red-blooded American male worth his weight in condoms would *ever* be upset at the sacrifice of plot in order to ensure pure smut

Dedication: This story is nothing more than a bribe to two people. Saber Shadowkitten for more "Tiny Smiles" stories and to D'Nalia for more "Hellmouth Hotel" and "One Tin Solider" installments. (At first Spike suggested using dosh as a bribe, but when I pointed out that I'm broke and he would have *fun* in my story, he agreed.)

Mr Happy


When Spike first got his chip and was forced to turn to the Slayer and the Watcher for help he had been too caught up with his own pain and grief to pay much attention to the dynamics of the Slayer's little groupies. He only had a vague idea of their individual roles beyond the actual "slay the evil demons" routine, and to be perfectly honest, right at first, he hadn't wanted to know more about them. They annoyed him and he wanted nothing more than to rip them into quivering chunks of flesh and soak in a bubbling jacuzzi tub filled with their bright red blood.

After a while though, he couldn't help but notice certain things. When he first started picking up on the obvious, certain patterns and trends came to light. Some of them made absolute sense to him and others...baffled him.

For instance, the other's all greatly respected the Slayer's natural instincts, but Giles final word was law. Red's magic was getting better and her hacker skills were invaluable. The whelp was asked for nothing beyond snack runs and general comic relief due to his lack of superpowers, yet he never turned down the chance to risk his life. And while the others rarely required him to help in any real way, they never patently turned him away when he offered.

What Spike couldn't understand was why. Granted, the git was brave as a bear and loyal as a hunting dog, but he didn't have super strength or magic or years of knowledge and experience. His street fighting skills were good enough that Spike would pit him against any human in Sunnyhell and expect him to come out on top, but the idiot routinely went up against beings that should be able to easily kill him and lived to walk away and joke about it. What's more, the others obviously had a "soft spot" for the git.

Once again, why? Spike just couldn't see how the kid was worth the effort. Granted, he'd make one hell of a vampire. His skills and memories powered by a demon would be a lovely thing to see, but as a plain ordinary human he was...well, plain and ordinary. So, why the fuss?

When Giles then turned around and bartered him off onto the whelp, Spike learned even more about the boy that didn't make too much sense to him. The boy was a world class slut. And Spike should know as it was his delicate nose that was continually assaulted by the scents of others smeared all over the boy each night that he came home.

Anya mostly. However, he also came home smelling of others. Some Spike recognized; like Red, and that rock singer bloke Devon something or other, and the chit Marcy that managed the local Stop And Go gas and mini-mart, and the other chit, Sally Anne that worked at the little diner on Cheltham Street, and that Jonathan bloke that called on the phone all the bloody time. And sometimes, on nights when the whelp didn't have to work or patrol, he would come home smelling of several different people at the same time.

And this confused Spike even more than ever. Sure, the boy wasn't bad looking. He was tall with broad shoulders and golden skin. He had that unruly dark shaggy hair and those deep dark eyes and the soft full pouty lips, that was true, but... really how appealing can one young boy be that half the town wanted to kill him, the other half wanted to save him, and everyone wanted to shag him somewhere in between?

So, one night when he was bored and frustrated with everything, he told Anya exactly what he had been smelling. All of the scents. Details about who he thought they corresponded to as well as what he knew was coating the boy's flesh somewhere on his body at any given moment.

He had hoped that Anya would cry. He had hoped that she would scream. He had even hoped that she'd used all of those highly vaunted Vengeance Demon memories to eviscerate the whelp. However, what he got was giggled at. Giggled at!

Apparently, she not only knew about the boy's extracurricular activity, she approved of it. Because, as Anya put it "Who cares as long as I get it more often than anyone else?" and Spike knew then and there that he had to find out what the fuss was about. It didn't help that Anya informed him that if he only asked, Xander would be more than willing to "fuck you into next week just like everyone else".

Spike managed to hold his tongue for two whole nights. He tried to study the boy, figure out what it was about him that had all of Sunnyrot drooling for him. Spike was forced to admit that when the whelp was fresh from the shower and didn't reek like the spilled seed of some git or the wet crotch of some bint that the moron actually smelled nice. Warm, slightly musky, vanilla and cinnamon. Nummy. And he was easy on the eyes, but still...

Then, finally, his patience at an end and his frustration with his situation and this whole bloody mystery running high, he opened his mouth and simply asked.

"So, moron. Tell me something, 'cause I really don't understand."

Xander turned from where he'd been in the process of nuking his dinner in the microwave. Spike stared at him. Shaggy hair half in his dark eyes, brows furled in minor irritation, baggy faded jeans, overly large Hawaiian shirt with eye-punishing colors and bare feet. With a smirk on his lips, Spike had to admit, he just didn't get it. Nope, not at all.

"Spike, you do realize that you just asked someone you think of as an idiot to explain something to you, don't you?"

Spike snarled and shot the whelp a two fingered salute. The boy grinned back at him.

"So...what is it that hundred year old vamps don't understand. How can the Xand-man elucidate?"

Spike snorted despite himself.

"Ooo. Big word pet, don't hurt your brain."

Xander's grin grew wider.

"No biggie. It's a Giles word. Just like 'incur', 'coagulate', 'altercation' and, my personal favorite, 'bugger'."

Spike felt his eyebrows raise up in slight shock.

"Our Rupert says 'bugger'?"

Xander smirked and nodded.

"Yeah. But don't tell Buffy and Willow, they'd be shocked. Then they'd want to know what it means."

Spike grinned a snarky grin until he realized that he still had a question to ask the whelp.

"Speaking of bugger...what the bloody hell's up with you shagging every damn person what lives on the Hellmouth? And why don't that set your ex-demon bint up in flames?"

Xander blinked rapidly for a moment before answering a bit defensively.

"First of all, I'm not sleeping with every person in Sunnydale, because eww, have you seen some of them? Even I have some standards. And why would Anya care anyway? It's not like we love each other, we're just... orgasm friends. And besides..."

Xander trailed off as his angry expression melted into one of sudden understanding. His face then took on a look that was both speculative and pleased.

"Spike? Are you coming on to me?"

Spike tried to look both shocked and disgusted. He succeeded at neither.

"What?! No!! 'Course not... Why? You interested?"

Xander face grew thoughtful as if he were seriously considering it and then he smirked, shrugged and walked over to the chair where Spike was tied up.

"Sure. Why not? Could be fun. Never fucked a vampire before."

Spike sat there in total shock as the whelp quickly untied him from the chair, ordered him to strip and go lay down on the sofa bed so Xander could tie him back up. Spike sputtered at that.

"What? Giles said to keep you tied up, so I'm gonna. You're the one who decided that it would be better to be tied naked to my bed instead of fully dressed and in the chair."

Try as he might, Spike couldn't find any way to argue with that logic. What's more, his suddenly hard cock was informing him that getting tied naked to the bed was a good idea and could we hurry up and peel our clothing off so we can shag and now would be nice. In a flash, Spike was up out of the chair and his clothing was being tossed about the room.

Step. Shift. Slide. Kick. Step. Shift. Slide. Kick. Two boots flew in two different directions. Pull. Fling. And his t-shirt sailed through the air. Unbutton. Unbutton. Unbutton. Unbutton. Pull. Shimmy. Shimmy. Shimmy. Step. Step. And his jeans were off. Turn. Step. Step. Flop. And he was laying across the bed, hard cock waving in the air.

"Mmmmm.... niiiiice."

Spike looked up and smirked at Xander. Xander who was currently drooling around his wide eyed grin and rubbing at the large bulge in his not-so-baggy-anymore jeans.

"So... Spike. You wanna be on your back or your belly for this?"

Spike considered it...for half a second. He wanted to watch and see what all the fuss was about. If the whelp was any good, there would be time for other positions later.

"Back s'good pet."

Xander grinned and nodded.

"Kay... Um, slide up so I can tie your hands to the bed."

Spike slid further up the mattress and true to his word, Xander tied each wrist so that only a short tether of rope connected him to the bed frame. Then, the boy raised Spike's head and gently slid a pillow under so that he could have a better and more comfortable angle to see everything. Spike smiled.

"Ta mate. Now...get your bloody arse naked and let's shag."

Xander chuckled but did as he was told.

Spike watched as the ugly shirt came off and almost sighed in relief. The whelp's chest was much nicer to look at than that bleedin' awful shirt. Nice broad shoulders and many more muscles than Spike had guessed at.

The boy then flashed him a lecherous and hungry smile before glancing down and unzipping his jeans. Then Xander quickly began to yank his jeans off. Spike couldn't stop the slight smirk from spreading across his lips at the whelp's slight clumsiness. Before Spike could tease him for it, Xander tossed his jeans aside and stood up straight, directly in front of Spike, his large fist slowly pumping his already hard cock.

Spike gasped for unneeded air as all thoughts and words fled his brain. His blue eyes widened and gold specks slowly emerged in them as he stared at the thick column of flesh that strained in it's nest of dark mahogany curls. The musky scent of male human arousal swirled thickly through the tiny room and Spike's mouth began to drool. Lust, spiced slightly with a mild dash of fear, danced up and down his spine, setting his own cock to throbbing and leaking pre-cum.

"Bloody Hell whelp! Where'd you get from?"

Xander just grinned, even as he tried to bite back a snort of amusement and glanced down at his erection. Completely hard, it was eleven and a half inches long and about as thick around as Spike's wrists. It was big. It was hot. And Xander knew how to use it.

"What? You mean Mr. Happy? I take it you like what you see?"

The words forced Spike to drag his eyes away from that gorgeous cock and back up to the dark pools of amused lust and hunger that were the whelps eyes.

"You better get over here and shag me with that monster or so help me, chip or no chip, I'll bloody kill you pet."

Xander's smile turned up a notch and he nodded his head. Still stroking his erection lightly as he moved, Spike watched him walk over to a side table and open a drawer. He was just about to demand to know what the hell he was doing when Xander pulled out a bottle and held it up for Spike to see.

Slippery Stuff.

Spike's own grin returned.

"Never used that brand before."

Xander nudged Spike's leg apart gently and he spread them as wide as they could go so that the boy could settle comfortably between his thighs.

"It's my favorite. It's very liquid and it doesn't get sticky. I need that. They say that when you haven't gotten any in a while that you cum faster...but I get laid every night, so...I tend to last a long time. Ya know?"

Spike didn't have time to ponder that statement and what it could mean for his prostate because the boy simply shrugged with a lack of concern for the matter, popped open the top of the bottle of lubricant, and then leaned forward and swallowed Spike's cock. Whole.

Spike's mind went white with shock and his spine arched to the point of snapping. He hadn't been expecting a blowjob at all, let alone to find himself going from no contact to being deep-throated in one second. He was impressed...or he would have been if his brain was still functioning. As it was, the only thoughts that made it through the haze of lust were "hot" "wet" and "more".

Then, somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that his one leg was being gently shifted to rest over the whelp's shoulder even as his other one was being bent at the knee. He tried to encourage the boy, but all that came out of his mouth was a growling moan of pleasure.

A wet finger teased at his opening and a hot wet tongue flickered over the head of his cock, dipping down gently to slide underneath his foreskin. Tingles raced up his spine and he shivered as the finger traced a light tickling circle around his anus before sliding in. All the way in.

Helplessly, he bucked against the lovely invader and his arms jerked in his bonds.

The wet finger inside of him slid in and out several times before leaving. A small whimper escaped him, but then it returned. And it brought a friend. He could feel them scissoring inside of him. Stretching his flesh, straining to loosen preternaturally tight flesh.

Spike thrust back against the hand and then up into the hot mouth that surrounded his shaft. Back and forth. Fuck and fucked. Take and taken. Pleasure swirled over him, inside of him, and through him. He could feel his balls grow heavy and pull tight to his body even as the plains of his face shifted beneath his skin, the demon within rising up to the surface for all to see.

The noises coming from his chest became more growl than moan as the boy thrust his fingers hard, jabbing him in the prostate even as his hot mouth sucked down on Spike's cock with a vengeance. He shuddered and twitched uncontrollably.

With a howl, Spike came, pumping his cool dead seed directly down his lover's throat and into his stomach.

His muscles spasmed and jerked for a long moment, then fell slack. He felt a few last gentle sucks and licks on his cock and then that wonderful hot mouth was gone. He peeled open one golden eye to peer down at the whelp still crouched between his wide flung thighs.

The boy was grinning at him smugly and was applying still more Slippery Stuff to his hand. Two heartbeats later, three fingers slid up inside his relaxed opening.

"Now that you've cum, your body will be less resistant. I hope. Like I said, I never fucked a vampire, so I don't know if it'll work the same as it does on a human guy. I mean, I wouldn't want to hurt you and make you bleed."

Those three fingers began to thrust in and out of him as Xander fucked him with his hand. Spike's eyes wanted to roll up into his head, but the confused and thoughtful look that was emerging on the whelp's face stopped them.

"Um...if you do bleed, can I catch vampirism? You know, like a sexually transmitted disease? After all, I wouldn't want a bloodthirsty dick, ya know?"

The silly idea combined with the wonderfully pleasurable sensations the boy was creating in his arse made Spike smile a wide fang filled smile. He tried to answer that the boy wouldn't "catch a case of vampirism" but when he opened his mouth to speak, all that came out was a deep rumbling throaty purr. Xander's grin widened.

That's when Spike felt the fourth finger squeeze it's way in. Heat and tightness and just a sliver of sharp-bright pain sizzled along his nerve endings. He purred louder and thrust back on the boy's hand as best he could.

He was so full and stretched and it felt great in a pain/pleasure sort of way and his slowly softening cock began to take interest once again. A large burning hot grip wrapped around his shaft and pumped it lightly, encouraging it to harden up completely. Spike started to slide back into the rhythm of fucking himself back on Xander's hand and then up into the lovely warmth surrounding his prick.

Then the fingers left him and the hand on his cock was gone. His purrs instantly changed to a nasty snarl.

"Hey. None of that now."

Spike opened his eyes again to see the boy kneeling between his legs and coating that huge monster cock of his with the liquidy lube. The snarling stopped and Spike lifted his legs and draped them up over Xander's broad shoulders. The whelp took a firm hold of his cock and carefully lined it up with Spike's opening. Then he stopped and looked up towards Spike, a question on his face.

Spike nodded his head decisively.

"One smooth thrust pet. Just...go for it. Can't hurt me. Vampire, remember?"

Xander nodded, took a deep breath, and then pushed his way inside.

Pleasure/pain rolled up Spike's spine in wave after wave and he gasped in a deep breath that he didn't need as shivers and tremors wracked his body. He felt as if he was being ripped in half, split up the middle, torn in two. And he loved every second of it.

Sound assaulted his sensitive ears and it took him a second to recognize it as the boy's heart beating at a fast rate of speed mixing with his gasping pants for breath. Xander shook over him, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he battled for control. And Spike wanted to tease him and make him move and make him cry and oh so many different things, but all his could really focus on was the fact that his arse was throbbing and twitching as it desperately tried to shift and adjust to the huge cock that was firmly lodged deep in his guts.

" tight..."

The whelp was babbling and he was growling and shuddering and they hadn't even moved yet and in the space of a heartbeat it went from being too much to being not enough and he trust back on Xander's dick. Lights sparkled before his eyes from that tiniest of movements and Spike swore he heard his prostate lay claim to the whelp right then and there.

Then Xander moved. He slid s l o w l y back until just the wide round crown of his cock was still inside Spike and the vampire writhed and whimper/moaned the entire time, his delicate opening stretched to the limit. A pause and Spike opened his glowing golden eyes again. Eye contact was made and held. slam In a swift rush of movement, the boy rammed his hips forward, burying himself balls deep into Spike again.

Spike threw back his head, howled, and came all over himself in several hard throbbing spurts of cool sperm from his bouncing untouched cock. From somewhere far off he heard a deep chuckle and then darkness rushed in.

Spike came back to consciousness to find himself on his back, practically bent in two because his legs were pushed forward into his chest and Xander was "fucking him through the mattress" just as Anya had promised.

In and out. His prostate was rubbed and poked and pounded against with every single stroke. He was so full and shivery tingles raced over his skin and along his spine. Pulses of white pleasure/pain throbbed through his body in time to the whelp's heartbeat and sweat scented heat poured off of the boy leaning over him.

Xander's rhythm slowly became faster and faster even as Spike thrust his arse back against the boy on each thrust. Salty sweat dripped from his lover's face to splash hotly against his pale white skin and his loud purring almost drowned out the whispered babbling words that slid into his ears.

"...spike...gods so much deadly...all mine...mine...spike..."

And somehow that turned him on even more to know that the boy was getting off on fucking him, a vampire, a creature of darkness with no soul, a killer of man. And he grinned, his fangs itching to bite and rend the boy's golden skin. That flash of hunger must have been visible to the whelp because he lost the rhythm suddenly and his thrusts became jerky and even more violent.

A burning hot hand wrapped around Spike's dick in a punishingly tight grip and pumped his still hard cock even as Xander threw back his head and screamed wordlessly. Spike could feel the huge monster prick inside him throb and pulse seconds before his insides were flooded with hot hot seed.

For the third time that night, he came.


Spike awoke once again to find himself laying on his back in Xander's bed. This time he wasn't being shagged by the youth, however. This time the boy was asleep, curled up around him with his dark shaggy head resting peacefully on Spike's chest. His own purrs sounded loud in the quiet darkness, but he didn't try and force himself to stop them.

Instead, he opened his eyes and peered down at the boy, studying his sleep relaxed features and smiled. He suddenly knew that, unlike yesterday when he would have calmly stood back and cheered on any demon that had taken a fancy to killing the whelp, he would now step into the fray, determined to keep him safe and sound. Just like the Slayer and her little friends all did, he would do all he could to ensure the boy's safety even though he insisted on fighting beings three times his speed and strength.

He was, in short, addicted to the boy's cock.

"You're mine now pet. Have to keep you all nice and safe until I get this bleedin' chip outta my bloomin' skull. Then, unlike the Slayer, who's heart I plan on ripping out and eating, I'm gonna turn you. Keep you around that we can shag."

The End

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