Author's Note: I've been drug free for a smidgen over eleven years now. Yea me!

Death By Meth


Hi. My name is Xan. *waves to crowd*

I'm the Childe of Spike and one of five Ganderchilder of Angelus. Did I mention that I'm a vampire? *insincere look of innocence*

No?... *blinks & grins*

Oh, well... I am. A vampire that is. See, that's what the Childe with an E at the end means. It means I'm a demon-spawned blood sucking vampire. Spike's my Sire. He's who turned me into a vampire. Angelus is his Sire... sorta.

What? *grin melts into confused frown*

Oh. Um... that's a whole big mess that Drusilla caused. *waves arms in air* Not that I have anything against Dru. I don't. I think she's great in a dizzy crazy fun loving and blood coated kind of way. But... she's... um, easily distracted. She started to turn my Sire and then... um... she claims she got a vision from the stars and Angel insists she got the hiccups. So, he finished what she started. I wasn't there, and I don't really care, so... *shrugs*

Anyhoo... Spike, who the Watcher Counsel refers to in their big dusty books as William the Bloody, Sired me because I overdosed on Methamphetamines.

*giggles wickedly* Didn't think I'd get this rambling babble-fest on topic, did'ja?

As I was saying before I interrupted myself, I died from an overdose of meth at the ripe old age of nineteen and a half years old. Of course, since I happened to be... um *crooks eyebrow into an unsure & questioning look* friends with a Master Vampire who happened to find me just as my heart was giving up the ghost, I was turned into a Childe... not a minion thank you very much. *smirks*

The funny thing is... Okay, not funny 'ha-ha', but funny 'oh crap' thing is, being undead does not stop you from having an addiction. I mean, look at Spike. He smokes cigarettes like they're going out of style. *screws up face in thought* Which I guess they are in a way, but that's beside the point.

*takes deep breath*

The point is that I'm still addicted to the shit!

What? *flashes yellow eyed glare at being interrupted*

Oh! *face goes blank as mind travels into past*

Well, I guess it first started back in High School. See, we all went on this field trip to the Zoo. Me, being me, I ended up getting possessed by the wild spirit of a hyena. It was a pretty cool experience, now that I think about it, but at the time it really messed me up. I was big time freaked out! *throws arms wide to show just how much he was freaked*

See, I ate a pig raw and that left me thinking eww gross! *makes disgusted face complete with tongue stuck out of mouth*

The thing was... this hyena spirit also gave me super enhanced senses, speed, endurance, courage and a totally bad ass, take no prisoners kind of attitude. And once the Slayer's Watcher exorcised the spirit, that stuff was... gone. Not the memory of being able to do that cool stuff, just the ability! *frowns*

I was sunk into a pretty deep depression after that. I mean, I went from being Leader of the Pack to the Zeppo poof just like that. *snaps fingers*

It was hard enough to be friends with the Slayer before, but after... it was even worse. *dark eyes get big and shiny* It seemed like I couldn't do anything right. Always Mr Mess-up-the-plan-and-get-captured Guy. That was me.

Then, this guy at school. Actually, he was a friend of a friend and they both played in the same band. *rolls eyes and shrugs* Anyhoo... he turned me onto some Meth.

It was wild! *gestures with arms waving wildly in air*

I had so much energy and endurance and I felt like I could take on the Hellmouth by myself. *bounces on balls of feet* I was strong and fast and I could patrol all night. Helped with the studying and stuff too. No more Mr. Fall-asleep-in-class Guy for me. *pokes chest with thumb*

And for the next couple of months everything was great. My grades improved. *ticks items off on fingers* My patrolling time almost doubled. My ability to come out of fights less injured and with more energy increased. What's more, I only used methamphetamines when I wanted, or when I knew I'd need 'em. *winks*

After that... it get's a little bit murky. *frowns* See, I started using the meth more and more. Even when I didn't have to patrol or make up time to study. It became... um... breakfast.


Then it was breakfast and lunch.

*sighs & shrugs* Pretty soon, it was all the time, no matter what I planned to do or not do. And using it didn't give me extra energy anymore. It didn't pick me up or help me in anyway.

*eyes flash yellow & growls:: However, if I didn't use it, everything was bad... so so bad. No energy, no stamina, no steady nerves. Instead, I'd get the shakes, suffer horrible headaches and cramping pains in my joints. I'd literally crash and burn.

It wasn't too long after that when I noticed that I was using more and more every time I turned around. And this shit is expensive to use in that amounts. It was killing me financially. I needed to find a way to get more oomph for less shit. *waves arms in air to empathize point*

That's when I started main-lining. Booting... *sad smile* Stupidest thing I ever did... but at that time, I didn't give a shit anymore. I just wanted the high. I craved it. I needed it.I wasn't doing the drug, the drug was doing me.

*confused frown* Something in my head should have screamed at the wrongness of tying a rubber band around my own arm to pop up a vein. Some little shred of something should have stopped me from sliding that needle through my skin and pushing down that plunger.

But I did it. And the high? *snarky grin* Incredible.

*throws back head* What a fucking rush!

And the sad part it, I didn't even think about getting help. Not then. Couldn't even admit I had a problem, let alone seeing someone about it. *snorts*

I lived like that for almost a year. A year! *gestures emphatically with hands*

Then... I killed myself. *ruefully grin & shakes head sadly* Died with a needle sticking out of my arm and a vampire's teeth in my neck and his bloody wrist in my mouth.

*snorts & laughs* Spike says that was the only time he's been that wasted since he took Dru to Woodstock. *slight smirk* Yes... the original Woodstock. Apparently they went to eat some flower children and listen to the music. *shrugs*

So... when I woke up all undead and vamped out, do you know what I asked for first?

*snorts* No, not blood. Meth!

I got stoned first, then I went down and hunted up a meal. *grimaces* Pretty sick, huh? Wanting drugs over a chance to kill.

Of course, now I have a bit of a choice. I can shoot the drugs or I can go out and eat a junkie. I usually do both. *shrugs*

But, that's beside the point.

The point is, I want to get clean now. I want to stop. *gives meaningful stare* My Sire wants me clean.

I'll have the track marks for eternity. *shrugs* I know that. The one's that I get now heal up real quick, but the ones from right before I was turned? They're forever baby. But I can accept that.

*bounces on balls of feet and claps hands together* So... here I am. At a Narcotics Anonymous meeting.

*wicked smirk* And I promise not to eat anyone until after everyone's had their chance to get up here and talk. In fact, I won't kill in the building at all.

Of course, once you guys hit that parking lot... *evil wicked chuckle* All bets are off. You better hope you can run fast. *chuckles* At least... faster than me.

The End

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