Fade Away

by
Randy Sex Kitten



Alone on a rooftop, far away from everyone and everything he knew, Xander stared out at the night sky. His mind refused to still, keeping him from getting the rest that his body so desperately craved.

It had been a week since he left Sunnydale behind. He had to leave. Giles and Buffy didn’t understand, Cordelia refused to see him and Willow… Well, Willow still wasn’t speaking to him.

His stomach growled out its displeasure and he rubbed it absently, settling himself more fully on the worn bricks that formed the short barrier between the rooftop and the open sky.

So many things had changed in one night. The feelings that had been at the forefront of his thoughts for weeks had faded away with a single gasp. It wasn’t about love or affection. It was about fear. It was about what he had thought he was losing. And he had lost it, without any help from the outside.

His heels banged against the crumbling wall, sending tiny bits of chipped brick and mortar falling down to the pavement. The sounds of the city were loud in his ears, driving him out of his own thoughts as his gaze moved from the stars to the people walking the streets far below his perch.

He shifted, leaning over to stare down into the dimly lit alley where a hooker was on her knees, her head bobbing. The man she was with stood with his hands pressed against the wall, his head turned away from the act as if he could separate himself from it.

Xander tore his gaze away, uncomfortably aware of his body’s reaction to the sight. He let himself fall backward, landing on the rough, asphalt rooftop, his legs bent, resting on the low wall.

The stars were so bright, so close to him. He almost felt as though he could reach out and touch them. It was odd. In Sunnydale, a dark little town that shut down with the sun, the stars seemed so far, so distant. But here, in a huge city that didn’t depend on the sun for anything more than a tan, the stars dominated the night sky. He reached up, capturing a star between his fingers and for a moment, felt happy.



Life’s a bitch and then you die. Xander twisted his neck this way and that, hearing rather than feeling the crackling of his spine as he did. He pulled off his heavy gloves and grabbed the bottle of water that hung from his hip.

“Two minutes! If you take one second more, you’re all fired!”

Xander scowled as the men around him began shooting dark looks and muttered curses at the field supervisor. Xander tugged at the damp shirt that clung to his sore torso and stretched once more before dropping the bottle back into its place and pulling the gloves back on.

The work was honest, but hard. Every morning he stood at the corner with a hundred other men, waiting to be chosen for a day’s work in the fields. The pay was enough to keep him in his room, feed him a meal a day and still put a little bit away.

His back ached and his neck always burnt. He moved quickly, pulling the carrots out of the ground with a quick tugshake motion that had taken him several days to master. He marveled at the ingenuity of the human body as he sweated out the water he drank, feeling his skin cool in the soft breeze.

The days passed quickly when there was work to be done and today, when he left, the supervisor actually gave him a smile with his handful of bills. “Good work, boy. Keep it up and we might consider actually hiring you to do some real work around here.”

Even with the thick gloves, his fingers blistered and tore as he tried to clean them. He soaked them in the sink across from his bed each night, spending several precious dollars to buy Epsom salts and a bottle of Betadine to keep infections away.

He collapsed onto the worn mattress, listening to the city through the open window as his exhausted body forced his mind to still.



Another night on the rooftop. He settled on the wall in his usual spot, glancing down to see if the hookers had made their way into the alley yet. Nothing moved in the shadows that he could see so he turned to watch the sun fade into night.

The stars winked and flirted with him, drawing him into long forgotten thoughts of camping in the backyard with Jesse, making wishes on the first stars they saw.

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…” he whispered. “I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.” Xander sighed, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. “I’m so lonely,” he gasped.

His mind drifted, allowing images of his past to alight in the night sky. He found himself focused on the night of the kiss, the night his world collapsed. He remembered the feeling of Spike’s cool hands, so much like Jesse’s as they had walked through the dark tunnel underneath Sunnydale… He shook his head roughly, focusing back on the stars above.

A sound to the left and behind him made Xander’s eyes open and he twisted to see a dark figure striding toward him across the flat plain of the rooftop. Terror, and some other unrecognizable emotion, threaded through his soul when he recognized the white-haired creature approaching him as if he’d materialized straight out of Xander’s thoughts.

He stumbled to his feet, lunging for the doorway, but he never made it. Strong arms clutched around his waist, holding him steady as he struggled and kicked.

“Hush now,” Spike muttered.

Xander struck out with his fist and Spike spun him, pinning Xander’s back against his chest as he chuckled darkly.

“I’ve been looking for you, pet. Imagine my surprise when I found that you had run away.” Spike’s voice was a low rumble against Xander’s back.

Fear flooded his veins and his breath hitched as panic set in. “What… what do you want?”

Spike chucked again and shifted slightly against Xander. “If you’d asked me six months ago, I would have answered ‘Dru’. But now… I want you.”

“M..me?” Xander stuttered.

Spike spun Xander quickly, pinning him once again to his chest, this time face to face. He buried his nose in Xander’s neck and inhaled deeply. “Smell so sweet, just like I remembered.”

Xander trembled, his hands pressed against Spike’s chest, trapped between their bodies. His body, so hungry for contact with another, betrayed him, leaning toward the cool touch of the monster that held him.

He watched in horrified wonder as the bones in Spike’s face began to shift and twist, the sound bringing forth images of gravel crunching under the tires of a truck. Golden eyes held his gaze as he wondered at Spike’s feral beauty.

“Pretty boy,” Spike hissed. “Naughty, pretty boy making me hunt you down.” He looked thoughtful for a long moment. “Dru said you’d be waiting for me, but she didn’t say where. At any rate, I found you, and now… I’m going to make you mine.”

Xander began to struggle once more, pushing and twisting, trying to get out of the iron grip that held him.

Spike laughed, one hand reaching up to pet Xander’s throat. “Shh… It’ll be alright, pet.”

Xander closed his eyes, whimpering as Spike’s hand pulled him close. He braced himself for the pain, and gasped as soft lips brushed against his in a gentle touch.

He stared into blue-gray eyes in wonder as Spike’s sultry voice blocked out the screaming noise of the city. “I’m gonna make you love me, Xan, and we’ll never be lonely again.”

Xander closed his eyes as cool lips played along his throat and softly spoken words shattered the ice he never realized surrounded his heart. “Yes.”



The End