Drugs Drugs Drugs,
which are good, which are bad?

Perverted Pages

His hands were shaking, he was late on his drugs and he knew that. Suddenly the protection of his blond vampire muscle seemed highly inconvenient. He looked over at Spike. "Spike can we stop at a 7-11 or something? I’m parched and need to use the john."

Spike laughed. "John? We’re men mate, just find a pretty tree and mark it, you know how."

"No Spike, I need it for the other one, and I’m not squatting in some alley, c’mon, there’s one this way," and he turned a corner to the flickering sign. He picked an organic orange juice, paid for it and asked for the bathroom key. The attendant handed over the key attached to almost a brick of gaudily painted wood. He sighed, waved to Spike as he passed and went into the men’s room.

Once there he took out his hidden fanny pack and started rummaging for what he had to do first.


Spike waited patiently outside. Okay, not that patiently, he was pacing and smoking practically a pack of smokes. This was taking way too long. He knocked on the door and got no response, so he knocked louder. He knocked till he was kicking and finally kicked the door in.

Xander was lying unconscious on the floor, a syringe in his hand, sweat all over his body. Spike jumped to. He looked Xander over for any wounds, but could find none and smelled no blood spilt, then he saw the fanny pack. He looked at one of the ampoules, and sighed, morphine, and a bunch of other drugs he couldn’t identify. The kid was taking morphine and who knows what, and no one had noticed? Not one of the scoobies, not even him?

Spike carried Xander and his bag out, tossing the bathroom key at the attendant and took the snoozing Xander to his crypt. Once there, he sat him on the bed and started to undress him, seeing weird large and small marks on his skin, oval like, blemishes that didn’t look like a bruise, and an odd tattoo for a tramp stamp. It niggled and nagged at him, he knew this mark. He undressed the boy completely and frowned at how frail he was, nothing compared to the beefcake from a few years ago, and the track marks, and the lesions, he was very confused. He pulled up a chair to wait.


Xander coughed harshly and woke up, reaching for the glass of water he always left by his bed, but found nothing. He opened his eyes after rubbing out the sleep and looked around, confused as to where he was, then he saw Spike and gulped, guessing.

"I didn’t mean to fall asleep, the pain was just so bad I could barely stand up, let alone walk, I thought a little extra would just work a little better, not put me to sleep, sorry I fell asleep and worried you." He knew better than to deny the drugs, his fanny pack was on the end of the bed, open.

"Knew you were into S&M and the gayness, but never guessed you for a junkie." Spike said flatly. There was one thing he disapproved of and that was drug use.

Xander swallowed and looked away, shaking with nerves this time instead of pain. "It’s my prescription Spike, you saw my name on everything, I’m not a junkie, I need all those meds or I can’t even go out the door."

"What you talkin’ about mate? Trying to escape the scary outdoors? Just makes you easier demon food!" Spike was furious and his demon face rippled into place, fanging out for a moment before settling back to human.

"No Spike.... Spike, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone else, well, other than my doctors of course. Spike, I’m sick. Those are all to keep me comfortable till the end."

"What end? What are you talkin’ about mate?" Spike looked at him, slightly alarmed, they’d been growing so close together, the mere thought of time without Xander made something inside him hurt ..

"Spike.... you know I’m gay, right?"

"Yeah mate, ‘course I do, seeing you at a male strip club kinda gave you away"

"Well, that’s all I can do, watch, so I try to make it fun... It’s such a big tease though."

"What do you mean you can only watch? Did Anya come back as a vengeance demon and lop it off?" Spike settled back, confused, and alarmed, trying to make sense of this enigma.

"Spike..... I... I didn’t always... always use protection," he stammered out.

"What do you mean, not always use protection. You’re mortal you daft git, tons of baddies you could catch!" Spike was trying to add one and one to make two, but he couldn’t put the bag’s contents to what Xander was saying.

"Spike, I have AIDS. Not HIV, AIDS, full blown. I’m riddled with tumours, docs give me a month, maybe two. I’m sorry, I should have told you before." Xander looked at Spike pleadingly, knowing this moment, this revelation, had driven off all his other friends, but he hoped desperately that the vampire wouldn’t care, that he’d just take care of Xander till it was his time.

"Xander, you shoulda told me, you shoulda said right off." He looked at the human, blue eyes full of sorrow and comfort, not fear or hatred.

"Why? What could you have done Spike, that an army of doctors isn’t already trying to do? I’ve done all the experimental treatments, I’ve tried conventional, I’ve tried unconventional... none of them worked. I’m dying Spike, and... and I just... I just wanted my last days to be with a friend, that’s why I didn’t tell you before, I was afraid I’d chase you off and I’d really be alone..."

"Oh you daft git. I’m a VAMPIRE! You know exactly what I could have done... but you don’t want it, do you?" Spike said with a little surprise and a surprising amount of grief.

"Spike...." He sighed and tried again. "Spike... When you stripped me, did you notice my tattoo?"

"Yeah mate, thought it looked familiar."

Xander smiled softly. "I finally saved up enough to pay the wizard to give it to me.... It... Spike, it anchors my soul to my body, as long as it’s somehow active, so if I keeled over with a heart attack, my soul’s free, but.... if I’m still around when I’m dead... I keep my soul."

Spike looked at him, flabbergasted. "You mean you planned this?"

"I just had to save up the money, then I was going to tell you and ask you, but I kept chickening out. Spike... Spike, I don’t want to die in two months." He shook with sobs, though no tears came, it was as if he was cried out.

"Xander, you want me to.... to.... really? Are you sure? This is an existence altering experience, and I dunno how good that tattoo will work."

"Spike, if it doesn’t, dust me, please, I don’t want to kill innocents. And yes, I’m sure, so very very very sure. I’ve had since my diagnosis to think about it, and I realized something, that I’d be very lonely unless my Sire actually.... you know... Sired me. Spike.... I can’t think of anyone I trust more in this..... will you Sire me? And promise to dust me if I don’t come back the way I’m supposed to be?"

Spike took it all in, eyes flickering, fingers playing with his lower lip. "You’re sure then?" He knew if he didn’t do it Xander would just find any old fledge to try it, and they’d probably fuck up and kill him. So... he nodded. "Yeah mate, when?" he whispered.

"Any time, sooner the better. Spike, you can’t imagine the pain I’m going through, every day, every second. I can feel my body dying all around me, I can feel time slipping away so quickly. Spike, please Spike, please.... end this existence and let me start a new one.... I can’t live like this anymore. Please Spike, I beg you.... just... just still be there for me, k? Please don’t abandon me? Don’t forget me or something?"

Spike moved to the bed and sat beside Xander. "I could never, ever abandon you Xander, and you’re going to have to try really really hard to get me to stay away." He smiled softly, and stroked Xander’s cheek. He whispered, "This is your last chance Xan, last chance to change your mind," and licked slowly up Xander’s neck.

Xander shuddered and nodded. "Spike, I’ve thought about this for a long long time Spike, weighed out the pros and cons, even found a way to make the worst of it not happen at all.... Spike, I’ve thought of every angle" He bared his throat, head tilted to the side, and held onto Spike. "Just don’t make me a minion." He laughed at that, trying to stay positive.

Spike stroked his throat and murmured, "Good then.... if you’da asked me fifteen, ten years ago if I would ever do this for any of you... Thank you for letting me get to know you, we have the rest of eternity to find out everything we can about each other."

Xander was sitting up in the bed, Spike sat on it with his legs over the side. Spike peppered kisses along Xander’s pulse point, making Xander moan. He had completely given up on ever being touched again, this was heaven. Suddenly a sharp pinch, and Spike was drinking. Xander’s eyes fluttered closed quickly, moaning so softly, even this felt wonderful.

When Spike had drunk his fill, he tore into his wrist, and held it to Xander’s mouth, a few drops fell in, giving him enough strength to hold the arm and drink and drink and drink. He drank as much as he could before he passed out, his heart stopping that very moment.

Spike covered his boy in a blanket, forgoing the classic, buried under the earth routine. He would never subject Xander to that horror. He doused the lights and waited in the utter darkness for his brown eyed beauty to wake up. They’d spend the rest of their lives together, an eternity of night... Suddenly he felt more focused than he had in a long time, finally he had another mission, this one to train and be his boy’s hero. He liked it. He sat back and put the drugs away, they may need them in the future, who knew? Then he sat down and prepared to stand watch over the dead body, until it woke up the next night.... praying that the tattoo worked, because he really didn’t want to stake Xander.

He pulled out a stake from the nightstand, just in case, then spent the rest of his time watching, waiting, protecting. Already the lesions were fading, the abused body was healing and he was getting some muscle back, not a lot, but some, regular feedings and he’d fill out to normal in no time.

He couldn’t wait to show the night to his new Childe, help him explore, learn, live again.

He sat back and watched, letting thoughts patter out, nothing mattered right now, just his boy... man.

The End