Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Spike ponders his obsession for Xander. When he runs into him, do they act on their hidden desires for each other?
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, they belong to Joss.
Distribution: If I gave it to you, take it. If not, just ask.

A/N: Thanks much to Gabrielle for the wonderful help and the ending, and Emmy for all of the input



Hidden Desires


by
Obsession_is


They were driving him mad, these thoughts, and no matter how much he drank, or how many fights he got into, he couldn’t get them to leave. They were hard-wired into his brain, unmoving and never ending. Spike could see the pale flesh of that boy spread out before him, almost taste the sweat on his skin and smell the unique musk that permeated the air around him. His cock gave another unwanted twitch, proclaiming its arousal and the need to be taken care of. But, Spike just couldn’t wank off again. It just wasn’t the same. He needed his boy, needed to be buried deep inside him. That was the only thing that would scratch this itch that had made its way through him. He needed Xander.

Raising the half-emptied bottle to his mouth one more time, Spike took a swig of the acrid and cheap liquor before making his way through the darkened cemetery. A fight would do him good; release some of the pent-up frustration he was feeling.

Spike, while fumbling for his cigarettes and lighter, bumped into someone and said, “Oi, watch where you’re going!”

“Me? Why don’t you watch it, Fangless?” a familiar voice said.

Looking up at the voice, Spike saw the one person he did, no…didn’t want to see. Xander. He took in everything about the boy, from his tousled hair, to his open, button-up shirt that was showing tantalizing hints of skin, to his tight jeans that outlined everything. His mouth was practically watering at the sight and he ended up being so caught up in the boy that he missed what Xander had been saying.

“What was that?” Spike asked.

“I said, what are you doing?”

“Can’t a bloke be walking out at night? Bloody hell, I’m a vampire, Pet.”

“Whatever,” Xander said, and began to walk off.

This is your chance, mate, Spike thought, calling out to Xander to wait up. He caught up to the boy and noticed that he looked like a kicked puppy. Fury raged in Spike at the thought of anyone hurting his boy. My boy? he thought. Silently, Spike handed the bottle of cheap whiskey to Xander who took it and drank eagerly.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Spike said, taking the bottle back and taking another swig.

“Like you care, like anyone cares,” Xander murmured, grabbing for the bottle again. He didn’t understand why Spike was being so nice to him, but since he was offering booze, Xander really didn’t want to complain.

“Right,” Spike said, “don’t care.”

They continued to walk in silence, each taking drinks from the bottle until it was gone. Xander tipped the bottle straight up and drank the last few drops. He wanted more, anything to drown his depression. It just wasn’t right, wasn’t fair. He didn’t choose this, it just kind of happened. Somewhere along the way he had begun to lust after Spike. He couldn’t pinpoint the when or how of it, just one day, while making love to Anya no less, he had pictured himself with Spike.

“Got more?” Xander asked hopefully. He decided that this wasn’t so bad, getting drunk with Spike. He could deal with it, could handle it. He hoped.

“Yeah, more at my crypt,” Spike said, heading off in the direction of his new-found home. He blamed his obsession with Xander on the time he’d stayed with the boy. Watching him sleep, having Xander wake up with the usual morning wood poking through his boxers. Spike had to adjust himself as he walked into the cemetery that housed his crypt.

Xander had a moment where his consciousness wanted to tell him that this was wrong somehow, going back to Spike’s crypt…alone. Somehow, he thought he could just drink a bit with the blond and not act on his emotions. He refused to believe that he was fooling himself and he rearranged himself in his pants. He was rock hard, and that was after only twenty minutes in the vampire’s presence.

They walked quietly through the cemetery, each lost in their own thoughts, until they came upon Spike’s crypt. Xander watched as Spike opened the door and strode in, leaving the door open for him. Xander stood there, looking at the door and wondering whether it was a good idea to be alone, in a room, with him. Deciding that he could control himself, Xander walked into the dark crypt. He stood just inside the door and looked around. It was dusty, cobwebs hanging from every corner and Spike was walking around lighting what candles he had available.

“Have a seat,” Spike said, lighting the last of the candles. He walked over to his mini-fridge, pulling a fresh bottle of whiskey from it. Spike couldn’t quite believe that Xander had willingly come back to his crypt with him. Right now, he was trying to hold back his urge to tackle the boy and screw him senseless.

“Thanks,” Xander said lamely, sitting on a stone bench that was the only other furniture besides the ratty old recliner which he didn’t quite trust for some reason.

Xander watched as Spike poured two glasses of whiskey and handed one to Xander, setting the bottle on the floor of the crypt.

“So,” Spike said, trying to start some kind of dialogue. He didn’t know what to say to him. It was like talking to a stranger, only he knew Xander. He knew the way he looked without a shirt, he knew the way his hair stuck to his head when he was sweating, and he knew the way he looked when he smiled. It was almost maddening to have the boy that close and not touch him, but Spike put up with it just to be that close to him, just to have that semblance of a relationship, all be it in the forged by whiskey.

“I broke up with Anya today,” Xander said unexpectedly. He hadn’t meant for it to come out, it just had. Now, there was no taking it back. He didn’t look at Spike, afraid of the ridicule that would creep along his face.

“Oh? What for?” Spike asked, intrigued. He wanted to know why. It had seemed that Xander had been happy with the chit. But, maybe not. So, Xander was fair game now. Spike’s thoughts ran more along the lines of screwing him into the floor, not comforting him on his loss.

“There was someone else,” Xander ventured. He wasn’t sure why he was confessing to Spike. Xander blamed it on the alcohol. Next you’ll be kissing those lips, Xander thought, daring to glance at Spike.

“I see,” Spike said, somewhat defeated. There’s another girl, he thought. No luck for you, mate, might as well finish your drink and send him packing.

“I don’t know how it happened. I just kind of woke up one day, wanting someone other then the woman next to me,” Xander said, taking another swallow of whiskey and wincing as it burned its way down his throat.

“So, who’s the lucky lady?” Spike asked. He really didn’t want to know, but he also didn’t want Xander to leave, didn’t want the boy to walk out that door without a goodnight kiss, or fuck. Whichever came first.

“Oh, uh…,” Xander said, stalling. How could he tell Spike that it wasn’t a lady, but him?

“It’s alright, Pet,” Spike said. “Don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Spike topped off his cup and downed the entire thing before topping again and handing it to Xander. Spike watched as Xander tipped the cup to his lips, wanting nothing more then to kiss them, then watched as his Adam's apple worked to swallow, wanting nothing more then to have him swallowing his cum.

Xander stood up, somewhat wobbly on his legs, and moved to where the bottle was sitting. He needed more alcohol to tell Spike how he felt. Leaning down to grab the bottle, Xander stumbled. Spike caught him in his arms, and their lips came together unexpectedly. All Xander could think of was how right this felt, how much he’d wanted it.

Moaning, Spike opened his mouth and slipped his tongue out, begging entrance into the warm heat Xander offered. He rejoiced silently when Xander opened his mouth and their tongues moved in a sort of dance.

He couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this…kissing Spike. It was more then Xander could have ever hoped for. Spike tasted like cigarettes and whiskey and it was sweeter then anything Xander had ever tasted before. It was purely masculine and he loved it.

They both pulled away from the kiss, although reluctantly, each gasping for breath. Their eyes locked, blue to brown, and each were clouded with uncertainty and desire.

“Spike, I-“ Xander started to say, but Spike cut him off.

“Shh, come with me,” Spike said, standing up. He gripped Xander’s hand and led him to an opening in the floor of his crypt. He motioned Xander to climb down the crude ladder. Silently, Spike rejoiced. He couldn’t believe what was happening, but he didn’t question it. Spike knew better then to question anything like this. He thought for sure that once Xander sobered up he would regret it, but at least, for tonight, Spike would get to have him.

Once Xander was clear of the ladder, Spike climbed down after him. Once on the dirt floor, they stared at each other, hands tingling to touch and take.

Their lips seemed to come together of their own accord, tongues battling for dominance. Spike tossed his coat off before running his hands along Xander’s shirt-covered chest. He felt Xander’s mouth move away from his and concentrate on his ears and neck…driving him wild. Impatiently, Spike grabbed Xander’s shirt and ripped it, popping the buttons and shoving it off his shoulders.

Spike gasped at the view that was now available to him. The hardened muscles of Xander’s chest just begged to be licked and the nipples, hard as they were, were built for the sole purpose of Spike sucking on them. Leaning down, Spike gently licked a hardened nub and smiled slightly at the groan from Xander.

This is too much, Xander thought. His whole body tingled and his cock twitched at every nip and lick of Spike’s tongue. More was needed though. Xander needed to touch Spike as well, let him know somehow that he wanted him too. Running his hands down Spike’s sides, Xander began to pull Spike’s ubiquitous black shirt from his jeans and pulled it off him.

Xander’s tongue made a wet trail from one shoulder to the other before dipping down, leading to the soft line of hair that went straight down, disappearing into Spike’s pants. The groan Spike gave only served to fuel Xander and his need to follow that trail of hair. Xander’s hands worked furiously at Spike’s button and zipper, wanting the jeans off.

Seeing Xander’s haste to have him undressed, Spike, in turn, helped Xander remove his jeans. Both kicked at their shoes, toeing them off and tossing them helter skelter.

Xander’s knees buckled when they encountered the soft bed and he fell onto it, Spike tumbling on top of him. They continued their feeling and kissing, randomly grinding against each other’s erections. Xander’s mind whirled. He’d never felt so much or been so excited in his life. And, all of this, because of Spike. Bleached, snarky, annoying, and utterly delicious Spike.

Spike wanted to take him, hard and fast. His mind was still caught up in the fact that it was Xander, his boy, that was under him and not just some illusion Spike had made up in a drunken stupor.

“Spike, please,” Xander whimpered when Spike’s hand trailed down to grasp his leaking cock in his hand, fisting it slowly.

Those two words broke him, made him melt. Spike blindly reached for the pack of lube he kept near his bedside for when he serviced himself, all the while thinking of the very person that was under him now.

Finding the lube, Spike placed some on his hand and reached down to Xander’s opening. Slowly, so as not to hurt the boy and set off his chip, Spike inserted one finger. Xander’s moans grew in volume and intensity, the bucking of his hips motivating Spike to piston his finger, making sure to reach for the sweet spot that lay hidden inside.

“Gonna make you cum harder then you ever have before, Pet,” Spike said silkily, inserting a second finger into Xander’s already quivering hole.

“Gah, Spike,” Xander moaned at the intrusion. It hurt…in the best possible way. The motion of Spike’s fingers deep inside of him, the pure sex of Spike’s voice, and the one spot he kept hitting all proved his undoing as he came in hard fast spurts, bucking into the air.

“Like that, did you?” Spike asked, leaning down to lick some of the cum off his boy’s chest.

A shuddering breath was Xander’s only answer. He’d never known. Yeah, he’d looked it up a few times out of curiosity, but this was different. This was more then just words on paper. It was real and satisfying, confusing and wonderful all at the same time.

“Want me to fill you up? Or, would you rather take the lead?” Spike asked. He’d moved his way up Xander’s body, now kissing the nape of his neck.

“Could you?” Xander asked, somewhat embarrassed. He wanted Spike to give him more of the same pleasure, wanted to feel him deep, deeper then anything he’d felt before.

“Could I what, Luv?”

“I want you to…well, do that…do me.”

Spike couldn’t hide his smile at Xander’s shy words. Reaching down to Xander’s semi-hard cock, Spike gave it a quick pull and felt it fill in his hands. What he wouldn’t give to have that shoved in him, pounding him to the mattress. Oh yeah, he’d love every bloody minute of it, but it could wait. Grabbing the lube, Spike slicked his hand, and inserted two fingers this time into Xander’s quivering hole, scissoring them and getting him ready for Spike.

“Like that do you?” Spike asked silkily.

“I-I’ve never,” Xander stuttered, “never done this before.” A moan slipped out at the tail end of his sentence, stretching out the ‘o’.

“’S all right. I’ll take care of you real good,” Spike said. He slipped in a third finger and leaned down to kiss Xander. He felt his boy’s fingers lace through his hair, holding him to his mouth. It was just too good to be true. He couldn’t wait any longer; he had to have Xander, had to take him, possess him, and make him his forever.

Xander moaned in disappointment when Spike removed his fingers from him. He felt empty and incomplete somehow.

“Spike,” Xander called.

“Just a second, Luv. Don’t want to hurt you pet,” Spike said, running lube along his shaft. He knew Xander was ready for him, as ready as he was.

Fisting himself one last time, Spike moved the head of his slick cock to Xander’s waiting hole. He looked at Xander, in his eyes, silently asking if this is what he wanted. The small movement of Xander’s hips was all the encouragement he needed as he eased his head in.

“Oh fuck!” Spike cried. Xander was hot and tight and better then anything else he’d ever felt, and he wasn’t even fully sheathed yet.

“Please, now. Just do it,” Xander begged. The slow burn from just the head of Spike’s cock was setting Xander off and he wanted to feel it all, to be taken completely by the vampire.

Spike leaned down slowly, every inch he moved; he buried himself deeper into the boy. Finally, when their lips crashed together in a claiming kiss, Spike was fully sheathed in Xander and it was pure bliss. They each moaned loudly into the other’s mouth. Xander was the first to move, thrusting his hips slightly, and Spike got the idea.

Leaning over Xander, Spike hooked his legs over his shoulders and began long, slow strokes. Leaving each one of them trembling and groaning for more. Spike was close and he could tell Xander was as well. Taking Xander’s cock in his hand, Spike fisted it, and moved to hit that one spot deep inside the boy that he knew would drive Xander crazy. Once, twice, three times he thrust before they both came, each howling the others name.

Shakily, Spike unhooked Xander’s legs from his shoulders and collapsed atop the boy, taking deep, unnecessary breaths.

“Cor, Luv,” Spike said.

“Wow,” Xander said.

And the man and the vampire, laid there, silently entwined, afraid to sleep for fear of what they would see in each other’s eyes the next day. Unaware that they were both exactly where they wanted to be.




The End



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