Disclaimer:I own nothing. Joss owns all. You know the drill.   All characters from the Buffy and Angel television shows are the sole property of Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, Mutant Enemy, and all other affiliates.

Written for The Batpack Birthday Challenge. It’s Willow’s birthday and something unexpected happens.

Set sometime after season 7 started but in an AU that lives in my head. The First Evil didn’t put in much of an appearance and the potentials? Just a bad dream.





Frosting Universe


by
Nash



It Was a Nice Birthday After All

Willow was sitting dejectedly on the steps leading into the Summers-Rosenberg residence, head resting on her knees and eyes staring melancholically at the ground. She could still hear the huge fight happening inside but at least she didn’t have to watch it.

The last time she looked inside she’d seen Buffy screaming madly at Spike and brandishing a stake. The vampire was yelling right back at her threatening her with a half-empty bottle of whiskey. Xander had placed himself between the two adversaries snapping at both of them to shut the fuck up while poor Giles was trying to calm down both his Slayer and the vampire with little success. Dawn had already stomped upstairs and slammed herself into her bedroom screeching that she’d known all along and that they shouldn’t treat her like an idiot child.

Willow tensed as she heard the front door open and someone quietly walked up to where she was and sat down next to her.

“Hey Wills,” Xander sighed.

The redhead didn’t even look up.

“Wanna beer?” he went on placing one on the ground in front of her.

“Thanks” she said quietly.

“Sorry about that.” Xander gestured towards the house where screaming could still be heard. “If I’d known this was going to happen I’d have been more careful” he went on miserably “I really didn’t expect everyone to overreact so badly.”

“Yeah, well, Buffy didn’t take it so well when she found out about Tara and me, and she didn’t walk in on us making out in the bathroom.” Willow smiled slightly remembering the dumbfounded look on the Slayer’s face when she’d returned to the living room, just before all hell broke loose.

“True.” Xander smiled a little himself “She did look really funny standing there gaping at us. She mumbled something like ‘How? What? How?’ before turning around and leaving. Pity the state of shock only lasted a few moments, I coulda done without her trying to stake my boyfriend.” Xander sighed again.

“Don’t worry about it Xan.” Willow consoled her friend “You know Buffy, she’ll yell at him for daring to touch her friend, threaten him with dust-inducing violence if he ever hurts you and then they’ll go back to their usual, sniping routine…Speaking of violence, how come you’re out here instead of in there preventing a massacre?” she asked curiously.

He shrugged in response before elaborating “Spike can take care of himself and so can Buffy and they both need to get this out of their system.” Xander paused a minute “And also it’s your birthday. It’s bad enough that I ruined your party I couldn’t let you spent the last moments of your birthday alone.”

“Doesn’t this remind you of some of your less happy birthdays?” Willow asked quietly.

“You mean when the parents would be drunkenly yelling at each other inside the house and I’d be sitting out on the steps moping?” Xander clarified arching his eyebrows “Yeah I guess. I remember you’d always bring me cupcake with a candle on it and a present.” He smiled at her “You really did make those years bearable Wills.”

Willow gave her friend a short hug before he pulled back to grin at her and say “Guess what I got!” he said and gestured to the step next to him which was occupied by a wrapped package and a brownie, complete with a birthday candle. “It’s no cupcake but it’ll do” he said.

The two friends smiled at each other fondly. Xander’s smile disappeared to be replaced with a worried frown. “I’m really sorry about the mess Willow. I should have been more careful.”

Willow leaned close to him and patted his back “It’s okay Xander. Like you said you couldn’t have known Buffy would burst in on you two today of all days. I’m happy you told me about you and Spike before though. That would not have been a very good birthday surprise.”

“Hey, wanna open your present?” Xander suddenly exclaimed.

Willow reached for the package but Xander grabbed her hands before she could get near it “Nah-hah Wills, you know the rules, first you blow out the candle, then you get the present.”

He put the brownie on Willow’s lap and lit the candle quietly singing the birthday song “Make a wish” he directed, adding hastily “But not out loud cause you never know, there may be a vengeance demon of ruined birthday parties. Don’t want to get stuck in the house again!”

The redhead grinned and blew out the candle. “Present now?” she asked hopefully.

“But of course” Xander replied passing her the present.

He watched her unwrap the package carefully for a moment. “Come on Willow open it already! You know you just wanna rip the wrapping apart.”

Willow smiled at him and did just that before gasping at what she found inside. Xander had taken pictures of them and their friends from age four to the present and made a collage of happy memories. He’d made the frame himself, carving out the names of friends and family.

“Oh Xander, thank you. Thank you so much.” Willow cried kissing her friend and hugging him tightly. “I’ll treasure it always.”

The young man smiled and hugged her back. He would never love anyone like he loved his Willow. Not even chocolate. Which reminded him “Have I apologized for ruining your birthday cake as well as your birthday?” he asked.

Willow pulled back from his embrace and laughed, “Oh never be sorry for that Xander! That was the single funniest moment of the day.” She giggled again “I never thought I’d see Giles go completely speechless. But then I never thought I’d see Giles covered in chocolate and pink frosting.” Willow couldn’t control her laughter, tears streaming down her cheeks as she struggled to finish her sentence “And then…wiping glasses…and then ‘Oh, dear’… and frosting everywhere…and pink glasses…and Spike grabbed them and he…he licked them!”

Xander joined in the laughter and soon they were both laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe. Every time one of them stopped they’d look at each other and start laughing all over again. In the end they were leaning on each other for support giggling madly.

“What are you two laughing about! Buffy and Spike were about to rip each other’s throats out!”

The two best friends turned around to see a chocolate and frosting smattered Giles looking at them fretfully. He was still trying to wipe his glasses only making things worse by spreading the frosting around and making them even pinker. This only led them to more paroxysms of laughter.

“What’s up with them two?” Buffy asked stepping out of the house followed by Spike, both of them looking disheveled but with no visible bloodshed.

“Dunno, pet.” the vampire said looking suspiciously at the open bottles of beer “You think there was something funny in the beer?”

Every word uttered only made Xander and Willow laugh harder. They looked up to see Giles standing over them smiling softly “Well, at least it seems that Willow had a nice birthday after all,” he said.





Frosting, Frosting Everywhere


After Willow's birthday party, the boys go home.

“I can’t believe you did that, Spike,” Xander said for the millionth time, giggling at the memory.


“Buffy started it!” Spike replied, following his boyfriend into their apartment.

“‘Buffy started it’,” Xander mimicked, laughing harder. “You sound like a six year old! And throwing Willow’s birthday cake on Giles…” he shook his head. “And licking his glasses after, tsk tsk tsk.”


“Don’t complain about the cake thing!” the blond said, voice dripping with indignation. “You and Willow were in fits of laughter all night after that. ‘Sides, the glasses looked bloody delicious with all that pink frosting on them,” he concluded petulantly.

Xander just stared at Spike in disbelief, trying hard to contain his mirth.

Spike glared and continued with his defence. “Listen, Buffy’s the one who walked in on us kissing. Not my fault the bint overreacted, is it? Threatened me with a staking for touching her friend. You wanted me to touch you!” he sulked. “And anyway, you went outside to chat with Red and left me there with an enraged Slayer. D’you know she grabbed the rest of the cake and shoved it down my jeans? It took ages to wash the frosting off my dangly bits. She coulda just done the whole explicit threat thing that Red did. But nooooo, not the Slayer, she had to get physical!”

Spike went on ranting about inconsiderate Slayers and their unreasonable attitudes, not realising that Xander was now completely distracted. Instead of paying attention to his raving boyfriend, the brunette was staring fixedly at said boyfriend’s crotch. Suddenly Xander whirled around, grabbed his jacket and ran out of the apartment, leaving behind him a very startled and very bemused vampire.

“Bloody hell. I wasn’t being that bad!” Spike muttered and plopped himself down on the couch, automatically reaching for the remote and flipping through the channels.

He and Xander had been together for only a month or so and they had both agreed to let Dawn and Willow know of their relationship as soon as possible. The bit was spending so much time in the apartment lately that she was bound to pick something up anyway and Xander had really wanted to tell his oldest friend, since after the whole Adam thing they’d promised not to keep any secrets between them. Xander said that last part while glaring pointedly at Spike, who did his best to look innocent.

Dawn had taken it rather well. In fact she thoroughly enjoyed making Xander blush by asking all sorts of inappropriate questions about gay sex, pretending to be all wide-eyed and innocent. Spike enjoyed his boyfriend’s discomfiture, until Xander got so embarrassed he refused to go anywhere near him when Dawn was around. The teenager had used that to further torture them, hanging out at their place for hours and smirking at Spike every time Xander’s back was turned. The minute Xander returned to the room, she was back to being innocent and sincere.

Willow was easier, though far more scary, to tell. She took Spike aside and smilingly told him that should he hurt her Xander in any way whatsoever, she would turn him into a rat and beat him to death with a shovel. Then she patted his back cheerfully and went to congratulate his smirking boyfriend. It was the cheerfulness that scared him.

“Why it is that every time one of his friends finds out about us, I end up suffering is beyond me,” Spike grumbled to himself, feeling decidedly disgruntled by today’s turn of events. He jumped in surprise when the door slammed open and he suddenly found himself holding a lapful of panting, smiling Xander.

“And what might you be doing?” he questioned, raising his eyebrow.

Xander took deep breaths, trying to calm down enough to speak.

“Frosting!” he declared, pointing at the paper bag next to him.

Spike glanced at the bag and asked incredulously, “You want to make a cake?”

“No. You!” Xander said and nodded emphatically, still trying to catch his breath.

“You want to make a cake shaped like me?” Spike asked, looking even more bemused.

Xander just thumped his vampire on the shoulder.

“Ow! What did you do that for?” Spike complained.

“Not I want to make a cake shaped like you, you moron, I want to do you!” the brunette explained, rolling his eyes.

“Oh. Right. I knew that. What’s frosting got to do with it then?”

“Well, you were ranting on about Buffy and you said you got frosting on your…erm…” the boy tried to explain only to blush and stammer to a stop.

Spike relaxed and smirked at him, finally understanding what Xander was driving at. “Yes, pet? I got frosting on my what?”

“Ahem, on your… you know…” more blushing.

“To be perfectly honest, Xan, my memory isn’t what it used to be. On my what?”

Xander just blushed harder.

“Can’t play with it if you can’t say it, pet. Come on, then, on my…” Spike said encouragingly.

“On your dangly bits,” Xander finally said, relieved at finding a way out of having to further this conversation.

The vampire laughed and kissed him thoroughly, whispering ‘coward’ in his ear after ending the kiss.

“Anyway, you mentioned frosting and I kinda got distracted for... well, obvious reasons.” Xander grinned.

“And those would be?” Spike arched his eyebrow and looked at Xander, all innocence.

“Well, you. And chocolate frosting. Perfect combination!” Xander declared triumphantly making the vampire burst out laughing again.

He tried to get up, muttering something about going to make the frosting and could Spike please get naked already?

“Now, wait a minute, pet. I haven’t agreed to any of this yet.” Spike held him around the waist so he couldn’t move.

Xander looked at Spike in disappointment, aiming the Dreaded Puppy Eyes straight at him. “But... why not?”

“Because the rule still stands, pet,” Spike drawled. “Can’t play with it if you can’t say it. So I’ll tell you what, you tell me, in graphic detail what you intend to do with the frosting and my luscious body. Then I’ll see what I’ll agree to.”

The vampire smiled evilly at the effect his words had on Xander. The human was blushing so hard that heat was radiating off him. Soul or no soul, Spike definitely enjoyed his boyfriend’s embarrassment.

Xander chewed on his lip, lost in thought. On the one hand there was frosting-covered naked Spike, spread out on the bed for his enjoyment. On the other hand, he never was the type to talk dirty and doing so now promised to be very embarrassing. Naked Spike…embarrassment…naked Spike…embarrassment.

Ah, who was he kidding, naked Spike won over pretty much anything.

“Okay, but you have to promise not to laugh,” he stipulated hesitantly.

“No worries, pet.” Spike smiled, “Let’s get more comfortable first, hmm? And then you can start talking.”

Spike took off his shirt and boots and helped Xander do the same. When they were clad only in their jeans he lay back on the couch and settled Xander on top of him.

“So,” he leered “you, me and some frosting.”

Xander blushed again and hid his face in the vampire’s neck.

Spike relented a little and petted the brunette’s hair and back. “Come on Xan, just you and me here. Tell me what you were thinking when you heard me mention frosting and my unmentionables,” he cooed.

Xander closed his eyes. “Don’t forget, you promised not to laugh” he said and took a deep breath before starting hesitantly “Well, you’d be spread out on the bed, arms over your head and legs apart. I wouldn’t touch you anywhere, just spread the frosting on the parts I wanted and you wouldn’t be allowed to move…”

“Go on, pet” the blond encouraged when Xander seemed to stop.

“And I’d smear a little frosting, chocolate flavoured of course, on your wrists and down your forearms. But I wouldn’t lick it off; not yet, I’d want to finish spreading it all over you first. I’d put a little on your cheekbones and on your lips. You can’t lick it off yourself; you’ll have to wait 'til I get there, okay? Then I’d slide a couple of lines of frosting down your neck, and on your collarbones.”

Xander paused and slowly traced the area he mentioned. “I love your collarbones…I’d even put a little frosting right here” he said and dipped his finger in the hole between them. He looked up at Spike’s face and noticed the heat in the blond’s eyes. “You’re not laughing,” he observed.

“I’m not laughing” Spike confirmed. “You haven’t even reached my torso and I’m hard.”

Xander gave a little satisfied smile and continued with more confidence, hand tracing along the areas mentioned, “I’d cover your nipples completely, and then move down to your abs, pretty frosting lines mapping out your muscles, and then put a little blob of frosting over your navel.” He dipped his tracing finger in the said navel, smiling at the needy moans coming from the vampire. “You like the thought of that, don’t you?”

“Fuck, yeah.” Spike sighed.

“I’d drip some frosting over the hair leading from your navel to…more interesting places…and then skip all the way down to your calves. You wouldn’t like that.” Spike shook his head vehemently, “You’d want me to go straight to the good stuff and you’d arch a little to make me, but I wouldn’t. I haven’t covered all of you in frosting yet.” Xander giggled at Spike’s groan of disappointment.

“Don’t laugh at me, pet, you’re bloody good at this. Go on, I wanna hear more,” the blond grumbled.

“I am? Really?” Xander lifted his head in surprise.

“Xander, pet, please, don’t stop.”

“Okay then,” the brunette said, settling back down on Spike’s body, making sure he could talk directly into his ear. “I’d circle your calves with frosting, like lickable anklets, and then dribble a straight line to your knees. I’d draw little circles on them until both knees were covered.” When he mentioned the knees, Xander’s hand came into play again, massaging them as he talked, tracing up to Spike’s crotch. "Then I would smear some up your thighs, all the way to those…interesting places."

Spike arched his hips, trying to push into Xander’s hand, moaning incoherently. Encouraged by the blond’s reaction, Xander became more daring and lightly cupped Spike’s crotch. “I’d slather your balls, making them all chocolatey, and then I’d drizzle just a tiny little bit over your cock. Wouldn’t want to ruin the taste with too much frosting, now would I?” The boy didn’t even blush at the words he used, too caught up in Spike’s reaction to what he said.

“Then I’d start licking it off. First I’d do your wrists. They’d still be crossed over your head, cause you promised not to move them. I’d lick down your forearms and then do the lines over your cheekbones.” He leaned over and licked the vampire’s cheekbones making appreciative sounds at the taste of his skin.

“Then I’d kiss the frosting off your lips like this,” he said and traced Spike’s lips with his tongue before kissing him thoroughly, mapping out every corner of his mouth, swallowing the little moans of pleasure coming from the blond. Xander pulled back from the kiss and smiled down at his lover before continuing his narration.

“I’d nibble down your neck to your collarbones and lap at the frosting I put in the little hole between them. I’d lick and bite at your nipples, the way that makes you arch into my mouth and grab my head to keep it there.” He scratched at Spike’s nipples with his hand, enjoying the panting sounds that caused. He’d made Spike pant!

“I’d flicker my tongue at your abs and then dip it in your navel over and over again until I was sure I’d gotten all the frosting off of it. I’d nibble down the drops I drizzled under your navel and then scoot down to do your ankles, all the way up to your knees. I’d lick up your thighs very, very slowly and just lap at the frosting I put on your balls and cock. Not sucking or nibbling, though I know you like that, just lapping with my tongue. We don’t want you to come too soon, Spike, I still haven’t done your back yet.”

Xander giggled at the vampire’s disappointed moan and earned himself a glare that would have scared anyone who didn’t know Spike well. The brunette just smiled at him and shifted his body to turn Spike around and settle him face down on the couch.

“You’re the one who wanted me to tell you exactly what I was planning on doing, Spike. You can’t back out of it now.” He lay down, half on the couch and half on the vampire, mouth right next to Spike’s ear.

“Now, where were we? Oh yeah, I’d turn you over and pick up the frosting again. I’d be a little impatient myself after tasting you for so long, so I’d just draw a long chocolate line down your spine, maybe I’d pool a little at the small of your back, right here,” Xander whispered, finger tracing down Spike’s back and pressing a little at what he knew to be a very sensitive spot for the vampire.

When he noticed Spike’s hips working to rub his cock down on the couch in search for some friction, Xander smacked the recalcitrant vampire right on the ass. “Hey! No spoiling my fun!” he protested.

“Xan, you’re killing me here!” Spike exclaimed turning his head to look at Xander pleadingly.

“Fine,” the brunette said, pouting fetchingly. “Then I won’t tell you about asking you to hold yourself open so I can slather frosting on your hole and then lick it off thoroughly. I was even going to make sure that there was nothing left inside your ass, even.”

Spike stared at him for a minute, mouth working but no comprehensible noise coming out. Before Xander had a chance to laugh at the effect his words had on the vampire he was unceremoniously picked up and carried to the bedroom.

“Take your jeans off, Xan,” Spike said throwing him on the bed and taking off his own jeans.

“But what about the frosting?” Xander watched the vampire reach into their bedside table and retrieve the lube.

“Never mind the sodding jeans, slick your cock up,” the blond ordered and grabbed Xander’s hand, squirting a generous amount of clear gel on it.

Spike lay on his back and started ruthlessly preparing himself. He winced at the burning but didn’t stop or slow down until he saw Xander looking at him in alarm, hand still full of lube and jeans still on. “What?”

“You’re kinda freaking me out. You never let me do this before. I mean, what’s this?” the brunette asked worriedly.

Spike tried to calm down enough to reassure his lover. He took a deep breath and said “This? Xan, this is me wanting you so much I can’t wait. D’you even know that just looking at you, thinking about you, gets me hard? I love you, Xander, more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life, human or vampire.” He cradled Xander’s face between his hands and kissed him softly, “Hearing you say all that…fuck, I nearly came in my jeans. So ‘this’, is me trying to get you inside me as fast as possible because the odds of me lasting much longer are non-existent and I want you in me when I come. Okay?” he asked looking into Xander’s wide, incredulous eyes.

The boy nodded distractedly. Taking this as an acceptance sign, Spike set himself on his hands and knees.

Xander still did nothing but stare at him. “Oi! Jeans off and come fuck me!” he ordered. Spike smiled a little at the haste with which the human obeyed his command.

The brunette kneeled between Spike’s spread legs, holding his cock ready at the vampire’s slicked hole. He pushed just enough to pop the head in and tried to stay still for a minute to give his lover time to adjust. Spike wouldn’t allow that though, and he rocked his hips, pushing further and further back and slowly impaling himself.

“Come on, love, hard and fast, please, we can do slow later, please Xan, need you so much, please, sweetheart, fuck me,” the blond babbled desperately.

The pleads and entreaties finally galvanized Xander into motion and he grabbed Spike’s hips and started pumping in and out, slowly at first, then faster and harder as confidence and need built. The vampire’s moans and words of encouragement urged him on until he was using his hold on Spike’s hips to pull and push him in counterpoint to his own thrusts.

True to his words, it didn’t take long for Spike to tense and shudder around Xander, causing him to gasp in amazement at the sensations his lover’s fluttering channel caused. Xander thrust in a couple of times more and followed his lover over the precipice.

A few minutes later, they both shifted to lie practically on top of each other on the bed. Xander was virtually asleep when he remembered something he hadn’t done. He snapped awake and turned to talk to Spike, only to find him already asleep.

“Spike?” he said urgently nudging his lover “Spike wake up! I wanna tell you something.”

The vampire opened his eyes blearily. “What?” he grumbled.

“I wanna tell you something important,” the brunette stated worriedly.

“Go on, then.”

Xander took a big dramatic sigh and whispered, “I love you.”

“I know. Now go back to sleep,” the blond said matter-of-factly and closed his eyes.

“What do you mean you know? I never told you before!” the human yelled indignantly.

Spike sighed wearily. “I know cause you wear your heart on your sleeve, Xan. Now go to sleep.”

Xander pouted silently.

“And don’t pout just cause I popped your big declaration. I had the big emotional moment when I realized you love me and I’ll tell you about it tomorrow if you want,” the blond mumbled and shifted to curl himself around Xander. “Sleep,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” the boy smiled and let himself relax in Spike’s arms.





Spike Does Christmas


Spike gets a bit too much into the Christmas spirit.

Xander sat straight in Spike’s line of vision and pouted, sighed and generally tried to look as miserable as possible. Five minutes later Spike finally caved and asked what was wrong.

“It’s one week to Christmas and we have no tree.” Xander said sadly.

“Xan, pet, we don’t celebrate Christmas, remember?” Spike explained patiently. “I am an evil creature of the night and you are about as unreligious as a person can get. I’ve known you for, what? Four years? You haven’t been to church at all.”

Xander looked even more miserable. “That’s not the point of Christmas.” He sighed. “Willow has a yule log or whatever. Giles has a tree. Dawn talked Buffy into lighting the entire yard with Christmas lights. We have nothing.”

“Because. We. Don’t. Celebrate. Christmas.” Spike stated once again, trying hard not to ask if Xander wanted a tree. That question could only lead to many Christmas-related shopping excursions and sickeningly sweet carols. “Besides, the Big Bad doesn’t do tinsel.” he asserted. 

“Spiiiiike,” Xander whined sadly, “It’s bad enough that I’ve spent most Christmases outside in a sleeping bag, and it’s a wonder the vamps didn’t get me during that time let me tell you. This year I have my own apartment and I have enough money to buy stuff and I want a tree! A real one, with the fresh pine-y smell. I don’t even want tinsel on the stupid tree! I want fake snow! And chocolate ornaments…possibly some popcorn. It would be pretty with all the fairy lights and the ginger men! We could make ginger men and hang them up on it.” Xander babbled, going from indignation at Spike’s lack of Christmas spirit to excitement about his imaginary tree.

“Pet, we don’t do Christmas.” Spike pointed out again.

“No, no we don’t.” Xander mumbled, suddenly deflating. “I think I’ll go to my room now.” he said and shuffled off to the bedroom, leaving Spike staring after him.

Xander picked the most depressing, Spike-repelling country music he could find in his collection and played it as loud as he could. Moments later he heard the front door slam shut. Turning off the music he speed dialed Willow to moan and complain about the way Spike ignored everything he said.


~*~*~*~*~


Seven hours later, dawn was approaching and Xander was frantically trying to find his vampire. He’d looked everywhere, he’d even gone to Spike’s old crypt to see if his lover was sulking there but neither he nor anyone he’d questioned had seen the blond. By the time the first rays of the sun peeked out from the horizon Xander was willing to give up Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, even Talk Like a Pirate Day, just to have Spike come back whole and well.

He finally gave up the search and headed for the apartment. If Spike didn’t want to be found there was nothing Xander could do but wait until the vampire showed up. He stubbornly refused to admit to the possibility that Spike had finally found trouble he couldn’t handle.

He wearily opened the door to the apartment and walked inside, throwing his keys on the table next to the door and his coat on the sofa before making his way to the bedroom. A couple of seconds later he was back in the living room, looking wide-eyed at the huge, decorated tree taking up most of the corner.

The tree was full of multicolored balls, and rows of popcorn were draped over its branches. Some of the branches were spray-painted with fake snow and chocolate figurines hung from them. Spike had bought him a tree, Xander thought in awe. He did it up exactly like I wanted, too.

Finally taking his eyes off the tree, Xander looked at the rest of the room and gasped in amazement. Spike had gotten all sorts of Christmas figurines and knick-knacks and filled the room with them. A huge sign, proclaiming that Christmas Cheer Was Here was hung on the wall and fairy lights covered the windows, blinking prettily and bathing the room in a soft glow.

Xander sat dazedly on the couch, staring at the decorations and mentally thanking whoever had talked Spike into doing this for him. This would be the first real Christmas he’d had since he could remember and he had his vampire to thank for it. Everything was just perfect!


~*~*~*~*~


The first sign that not everything was right came when Spike entered the apartment, singing Jingle Bells. Xander jumped up to hug his boyfriend and thank him for celebrating a holiday he didn’t even believe in and froze on the spot. Spike smiled cheerfully at him and kept singing until the moment he leaned forward to kiss Xander. The singing continued the moment his lips retreated, leaving Xander feeling completely confused and bewildered.

Spike was wearing a red sweater. He was wearing a red sweater with Rudolf on it. And Rudolf’s nose was twinkling. Spike, though by now Xander had serious doubts about the identity of the man who looked freakishly like his boyfriend, was also wearing a Santa hat. Peeking at the vampire, who was busily placing presents under the tree, Xander also noticed a distinct lack of Docs. Spike was wearing, Santa boots. Boots with little Santas painted on them.

“Spike?” Xander asked cautiously.

Maybe this was a deranged elf or something.

“Yeah, pet?”

It sounded like Spike.

“Remember the time when I took out seven vampires?” Xander asked, trying to gauge his reaction.

A snort of laughter and “Wasn’t seven, luv, it was three and you only got them cause I was holding them.” Spike said, still snickering.

Yup, it definitely sounded like Spike. But it was still arranging presents under the tree. Decoratively. Even if Spike did celebrate Christmas he wouldn’t do that.

“Erm, Spike, sweetheart, could you vamp out for me please? I just wanna check something.”

This one earned him a confused look.

“You want me to go all grrr?”

“Erm…yeah. Please?”

Shrugging carelessly, Spike vamped out and looked at Xander for a moment before reverting to his human guise.

Okay so it looked like Spike and sounded like Spike and hell, it even vamped out like Spike. So there was only one logical conclusion…

“Spike? Did you by any chance hit your head or something?” Xander asked worriedly, keeping a safe distance away from the obviously insane vampire.

The blond turned around and blinked at him. “No, I did not hit my head.’ he said carefully and looked at Xander as if he was the insane, delusional one. “What’s with all the questions, pet?”

“It’s just that you don’t do Christmas. Or at least you didn’t yesterday.” Xander explained thoughtfully.

“You have to be joking, luv. Christmas is the greatest holiday of the year! You have Santa and Rudolf and presents and bloody gorgeous decorations. And the food! Christmas cookies and turkey and eggnog. I love eggnog.” Spike babbled on, not noticing the increasingly worried look in Xander’s eyes. “Wish I had another place to decorate. Ours is completely done.” he concluded sadly.

“Sure, Spike. Tell you what, I’ll call Willow and try to convert her back to Santa-worship. Then you could ask if she wants help with her house, yeah?” Xander said and quickly retreated to the bedroom.

He quickly dialed Willow’s number, tapping his foot impatiently waiting for her to answer.

“Willow? Did you spell my boyfriend?” he demanded the moment she picked up. 

“I did not!” Willow protested anxiously, "Why would you say that?!".

“Because he’s turned into a Christmas freak just a few hours after I complained to you about his lack of Christmas spirit that’s why!” he yelled in exasperation.

“Well, I had nothing to do with it!” Willow replied in the exact same tone.

“Then someone or something is messing with Spike. We need to fix it.” Xander demanded impatiently. He wanted his boyfriend back to normal damnit!

“Why? So he’s a little Christmas-loving, nothing wrong with that.”

“Willow, he was singing Jingle Bells and wearing a Rudolf sweater. He has little Santas on his boots! And he’s perky! Since when is Spike perky? Willow he babbled!” he yelled, stomping his foot.

“I’ll be right over.”

Xander hung up the phone and returned to the living room, warily watching his pod boyfriend potter around, Christmassing up everything. By the time Willow got there, Spike was in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies.

“Willow, you have to stop him! He’s using up all the frosting!” Xander whined, pointing an accusing finger at the blond. He’d finally managed to get the frosting and plan the evening so that he could use it to cover Spike and now the blond was using it all up! Willow just stood there and stared for a moment, taking in the changes in Spike’s attire and attitude.

“He’s humming Jingle Bells.” she finally managed to whisper, scared to draw his attention. “And he’s wearing a Santa hat.”

“I know! Fix him!” Xander demanded impatiently.

“Red! My favourite witch!” Spike exclaimed, suddenly noticing them standing there. “Hey, have you ever considered the wonder of Christmas? It’s not just for Christians you know, you should try it out a bit, experiment like. Tell you what, I’ll decorate the house for you so you can see how you like it.” he said, grinning at her expectantly.

“Erm…sure Spike, let me just talk to Xan a bit and then we can go right on over.” Willow said carefully, as if speaking to a spooked animal, and backed carefully out of the kitchen.

“He’s insane!” she whispered the moment they got out.

“I know! Fix him!” Xander repeated.

“Okay, okay let’s just sit down and think about this okay? What happened before he went all…like this.’ Willow said, trying to placate her friend.

They went over what’d happened; from the moment Xander started pouting at Spike to the moment the blond stormed out of the apartment. Willow asked Xander repeatedly if he’d said the ‘w’ word and he swore time and time again that no, he had not wished for anything, could they please fix his vampire now?

“Maybe we should ask him.” Willow suggested, looking nervously at the kitchen where the Spike was now singing more traditional carols.

“Guess we better.” Xander agreed, sighing sadly.

They returned to the kitchen, inching in slowly and looking apprehensively at Spike.

“Erm…sweetheart? Remember when you left the apartment last night? Did you maybe run into some kind of demony person?” Xander asked, smiling encouragingly.

“Nope.” Spike replied looking critically at the cookies he was making. They were shaped like Christmas trees and he was in the process of covering them with green-coloured frosting and putting little red blobs of sugar for ornaments.

“Do you remember what happened before you went ins…before you started decorating?”

“Oh yeah. Went to Willy’s for a drink and chatted to that short guy. Full of Christmas cheer he was. Thought about stomping him into little tiny bits and smattering him around the bar but decided to go shopping instead.” The blond said absently, placing a red blob just so on one of the cookies.

Willow and Xander looked at each other, eyes wide with excitement.

“Did he wear a green jacket with red and white striped socks and possibly a little green hat with a bell on it?” Willow asked, leaning forward a bit.

“Think so, Red. Friend of yours, was he?” Spike asked, looking up for a moment.

“Nope, never met him before in my life.” Willow said and dragged Xander back to the living room.

“He met a Christmas elf!” She exclaimed as soon as they were out of the room. Seeing Xander’s confused look she went on to explain. “You know how in all Christmas stories Santa has elves to help him? Spike met one of them! They can infuse someone with Christmas spirit and let them enjoy the holidays. He may have overdone it with Spike though.” she concluded, looking thoughtfully at the kitchen. Spike was singing Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.

“Well how do we undo it?” Xander asked anxiously.

“I don’t know.” Willow said, smiling apologetically.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Xander yelled, glaring at his friend. A moment later he looked down, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Sorry Wills, I just want my Spike back. The one who’s all snarky and semi-evil and who doesn’t waste perfectly good frosting!” he said, voice growing louder with every word.

“Look, why don’t we call Giles. I’m sure he’ll know how to turn Spike back into his old non-frosting-wasting self, ‘kay?” she asked, wondering if maybe the madness was catching. Since when did Xander care so passionately about frosting anyway?

Xander nodded, still looking a bit shaken over the loss of the frosting and Willow quickly dialed Giles’ number.

“Giles? We need your help!”


~*~*~*~*~


“No, nothing serious, don’t worry. Just that Spike had a run-in with a Christmas elf. We need to know how to reverse it.” she explained hastily.

“Giles? Stop laughing. Giles, come on, Xander’s about to have a coronary over frosting for heaven’s sake, we need to get Spike back to normal.”

“Uh-huh…yeah…so there’s nothing we can do? Okay Giles. Bye!” Willow concluded the conversation

“Well? What’d he say” Xander demanded anxiously, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Giles’ verdict.

“He was giggling too hard to explain everything. Ever notice how Giles will giggle at anything? Stuffy Brit or not the guy can have a giggling fit longer than Dawn!” Willow babbled, until she saw her friend glare at her angrily. “Oh fine. He said that it would run its course and then go on its own. Spike’s like a kid on a sugar high, at some point he’ll drop and then when he wakes up he’ll be his old self.”

“Oh. Okay then.” he said hesitantly.

“He’ll be fine Xan.” Willow reassured him before saying her goodbyes and leaving him alone to deal with his vampire.

As he was closing the door behind his friend, Xander heard a crash in the kitchen and ran in to find Spike sprawled on the floor, cookie dough and frosting smattered over his body and face.

Thanking all kinds of gods and angels, Xander dragged Spike to the bathroom and cleaned him up as best as he could before putting him in bed. Under normal circumstances, Spike would be wide awake at the first sign of movement but the Christmas cheer thing seemed to have sapped all his strength and he just lay there throughout the process.

Xander stood next to the bed for a while, looking at his lover. He could never get over how damn peaceful Spike looked when he was sleeping. He knew it was a cliché and all, mass murderer looking calm and angelic in repose, but Spike did look so gorgeous when he was asleep.

With a sigh that had more to do with the state of the kitchen and less to do with the beauty of the boyfriend, Xander left the bedroom to do some cleaning. Forty-five minutes later the kitchen was relatively clean, though the frosting was completely used much to Xander’s dismay, and the brunet was climbing into bed and spooning behind Spike.

“Xander?”

“Yeah?”

“Did I decorate the house?”

“Yup.”

“Wearing a Rudolf sweater?”

Xander was beginning to enjoy this line of questioning.

“Yup.” he snickered.

“Santa hat?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I didn’t bake Christmas cake and biscuits.”

“You did.”

Spike groaned and hid his face in the pillow, his voice filled with self-loathing.

“Please…please tell me I didn’t sing Jingle Bells.”

“You didn’t sing Jingle Bells…except in the sense that you did.”

Xander snickered again. Taking in the wretched state of his boyfriend he petted Spike’s hair and leaned close to whisper softly in his ear.

“Willow heard you as well.”

Spike groaned and pressed his face harder into the pillow and Xander grinned evilly. That was for the frosting.





Hands Off

Spike annoys Willow one too many times and smuttiness ensues.

Xander took the stairs leading up to his apartment two at a time. He was smiling happily and humming under his breath, looking forward to seeing his lover again. After the lack of frosting the previous night, Spike had promised him an extra special treat for tonight. In fact, there should be a frosting covered Spike waiting for him in the apartment right about now. Xander had been half-hard all day, an image of his vampire all covered in sweet, chocolaty goodness following him around making coordination and thought all but impossible.

He opened the front door and practically skipped inside, spotting Spike lounging on the couch watching television, and he chirped a hello before pouncing on his lover, intent on kissing him to within an inch of his unlife. To his great surprise, he found himself on the floor in front of the television.

“What the hell? Spike did you just throw me off you?” he asked confused and disappointed.

The blond sighed dejectedly and refused to meet Xander’s eyes. “Not quite, luv.”

“Well, what happened then?” Xander yelled, glaring at him.

“Come here and I’ll show you.”

Xander picked himself up and moved to sit next to Spike on the couch. He tried to sit close to the blond only to feel some kind of energy pushing him away. Frowning, he reached out his hand and tried to touch his lover. His hand was about an inch away from Spike’s face when he felt that energy again pushing him away much like two magnets repelling each other.

“See?” Spike said miserably.

Xander sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head rest on the back of the couch.

“What did you do, who did you do it to and how can we get them to fix it?” he said despairingly.

“Why do you think I did anything!” Spike protested indignantly.

Xander just looked at him.

“I may have taunted Red a bit about how I have a better sex life than her,” Spike finally mumbled.

“You taunted Willow with our sex life. That would be my best friend Willow. My best friend who has been single for over a year. My best friend who’s been single for over a year and who just happens to be a very powerful witch.” Xander stared at Spike, disbelief rising with every sentence.

The vampire nodded miserably. “That’d be the one.”

“Spike, I love you more than life itself, but sometimes you can be monumentally stupid,” Xander declared letting his head flop back on the couch.

If possible Spike looked even more dejected. “I’ll make it up to you, pet.”

“How? You can’t even touch me!” Xander protested indignantly.

“I don’t have to touch you to make you feel good,” Spike replied, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips.

“Look, I may be relatively new at this, especially compared to your vast experience, but I know that there has to be touching!”

“Not necessarily, Xan. Want me to show you?” Spike was every inch the seducer now, glumness gone in the prospect of some fun with his lover.

Xander just cast him a disbelieving look.

“Come on, luv, you’ll enjoy it. I promise.” Spike insisted, getting even more enthusiastic now that the idea had come to him.

The brunet sighed and got off the couch. “Come on, then. Might as well get comfortable while you experiment. Might even have a nap,” he taunted as he went into the bedroom.

By the time Spike had followed him into the room, Xander was naked and lying back on the bed, eyes half closed and cock half hard. Spike undressed himself and lay next to his lover.

“There’s one condition to this experiment, Xan. Under no circumstances are you to touch yourself or move from your position. I’m gonna make you cum without even talking to you,” Spike said confidently, secure in his power over his lover.

“Agreed, I’ll keep my hands to my sides. Go on then Bleachboy; amaze me with your no-touching powers.” The human was grinning at him, challenging him.

Spike just smiled softly and trailed a hand down his chest, letting it rest, palm open, on his stomach. He sighed happily as his other hand found an already hardened nipple and brushed over it before his fingers clamped it to tug and push down on the nub.

“Spike what are you doing?” Xander asked breathlessly.

The blond didn’t reply. He moved his hand from his nipple to his mouth, wet the tips of his fingers and went back to teasing his nipple, a little whimper escaping when the wet digits touched his skin. His other hand was softly massaging his stomach, slowly moving lower and lower until his fingers were tangled in the sandy curls.

Xander laid there, mouth open in shock, watching Spike arch into his own touch. The look on his lover’s face, the hands exploring his body, the breathy little moans and whimpers he made, all conspired to bring Xander’s cock to full erection and have it begging for more.

Spike ignored his lover’s hungry gaze and concentrated on bringing himself pleasure. The hand teasing his nipples slowly trailed down to stroke the crease between thigh and pelvis while the other hand remained practically still, lightly massaging just above his leaking cock. When he could no longer resist he allowed his stroking hand to move closer and closer to his balls until he was cupping and fondling them, humming and moaning in pleasure.

Xander watched wide-eyed at the display Spike was putting on for him. He’d never thought watching someone masturbate would be this erotic. When the blond finally moved his hand to lightly grip his cock Xander couldn’t help but moan and arch as if the hand was touching his own hard member.

The vampire half-opened his eyes and looked at Xander. He smiled at the picture his lover made, spread on the bed, cock hard and leaking, eyes glazed with lust, his hands tenaciously holding onto the sheets so that he’d keep his promise and not touch himself. Spike lazily fondled himself, cupping his balls and slowly fisting his cock, all the while watching Xander squirm and writhe, eyes glued to Spike’s busy hands.

Spike reached to the bedside table and grabbed the lube spilling a generous amount on his belly. He slicked the palm of his left hand and resumed slowly pulling his own cock, still trailing the fingers of his right hand in the small pool of oil around his navel. Turning to see that he had Xander’s complete attention, Spike was gratified to see that the boy was humping the air in time with the movement of Spike’s hand on his own cock.

Xander watched Spike move his right hand down to circle and tease his hole. The boy couldn’t help the strangled moan escaping his throat, and unthinkingly spread his legs further, bending them at the knee, mimicking Spike’s stance and pushing down as if trying to push the finger into his own ass.

Spike could no longer resist, and pushed one finger into himself, pumping it in and out slowly, trying to draw this out as much as possible. He heard Xander’s breath catch and eased in a second finger moaning at the pleasant burn his actions caused.

Xander’s eyes kept flicking from Spike’s fingers thrusting into his ass to Spike’s hand pulling on his cock to Spike’s face contorting in pleasure. The boy tightened his fists on the sheets; he knew that if he moved his hands at all, he’d break his promise not to touch himself.

When he felt himself approaching orgasm, Spike opened his eyes and looked at Xander, fist moving faster over his cock, fingers pumping harder into his ass and hips thrusting and rolling against the bed. Brown eyes turned nearly black from heat turned to look at him. The hunger in that gaze drove him over the edge, and he whispered his lover’s name as he came.

The sound of Xander’s name whispered hoarsely, and Spike’s face as he came forced Xander’s orgasm on him and he bucked, pushing his hips high in the air and closing his eyes against the intensity of the feelings.

They lay there relaxing for a minute before Xander turned his head to look at his vampire.

“Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?”

“I wanna cuddle.” The brunet looked at Spike sadly.

“I know, pet. I’m sorry.”

Xander looked at the dejected blond and, with a sudden burst of energy, bounded off the bed and to the other room.

Spike watched him go and sighed, curling into himself and closing his eyes. He’d screwed up again. Xander was right, he could be monumentally stupid. And now he’d ruined Xan’s evening.

In the living room, Xander was calling Willow.

“Hey, Wills. I heard my charming boyfriend made some choice comments about your love life…or lack thereof.”

At Willow’s reply, Xander winced and moved the phone away from his ear.

“Aw come on Willow, it’s his first relationship since Dru. He’s bound to be happy about it. And I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. D’you really think a smart guy like Spike would piss off a powerful mega-witch like your lovely self?”



“Yes, I know that was rude but Willow… I wanna cuddle.” Xander’s voice took a plaintive tone he knew always worked on his friend.



“Thanks Wills! I owe you one.”

Xander hung up the phone, and smiling happily, he bounced over to the bedroom and into the bed, spooning against his boyfriend’s back. To his great surprise, Spike didn’t even turn around to face him. Xander raised himself up and looked over Spike’s shoulder to find his lover silently weeping.

“Spike? Sweetheart what’s wrong?” Xander tried to get Spike to turn around and face him, concerned about the uncharacteristic show of emotion. He finally managed to get Spike laying on his back though the blond still refused to look at him.

“I screwed up.” Spike whispered. “I opened my big mouth, ruined your surprise, and Willow hates me.”

“Come on Spike, don’t think like that. Willow doesn’t hate you. She’s definitely very pissed off with you but she’ll get over it. And, okay, you messed up but God knows I do that often enough, and then you have to fix things. It’s what couples do isn’t it?” Xander tried to comfort his lover, cupping Spike’s face with his hand and turning him so that he could look at him.

Spike gave him a small smile and tried for a lightly mocking tone. “So we’re a couple then?”

“Yup. Definitely a couple.” Xander smiled down at him. “Feel better now?” he asked.

“I guess.”

“Can I have my cuddle now?” Xander asked, looking at the blond hopefully.

Spike couldn’t hold back a grin as he opened his arms. “Come’ere you daft git.”

Xander snuggled down against his lover, laying his head on Spike’s chest and tracing lazy patterns on the blond’s stomach with his fingers. He nuzzled into Spike’s neck, and sighed happily before closing his eyes and letting himself drift off to sleep.

Spike watched Xander sleep for a while, still amazed that the two ultimate screw-ups of the Scoobie gang managed not only to get together, but also to have a relatively normal relationship. He smiled at his sleeping lover, and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Patrol could wait for another hour or so. He’d much rather enjoy this for a while.




The End




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