Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: G - NC-17
Characters: Sadly, not mine.
Concrits: welcome in comments
Author's note: Set in Season 7. Spike did go nuts and end up in the school basement but the First was only pulling the same trick it pulled on Angel. (Can’t have two of its best evil vamps turn good now can we?) He went and got the soul cause he nearly killed Buffy (always thought it was more dramatic than AR. The guy killed two slayers and got so upset when he nearly killed the third he went and got himself a soul…poor Spikey.) Anya left soon after Willow tried to end the world, after learning that Xander wasn’t as straight as they come
Summary After Spike gets the soul, Xander decides to give him a chance to prove himself.
Disclaimer:I own nothing. Joss owns all. You know the drill.   All characters from the Buffy and Angel television shows are the sole property of Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, Mutant Enemy, and all other affiliates. All other television shows, books, movies, products and songs belong to their respective owners.





Beggars Can't Be Choosers


by
Nash



Part One


Wherein Xander gives Spike another chance, with unexpected consequences...

Xander was in the kitchen fixing up some popcorn and drinks for Willow and himself. After she came back from England they were both determined to get their friendship back to what it had been before. To this end they had set aside Thursday nights as theirs to watch films, have a chat, and do whatever they felt like, so long as they did it together.

Today was the first Thursday after Xander had reluctantly taken one insane souled vampire in his home. Which was why, after the popcorn was done he popped a bag of pig’s blood in the microwave. For Spike. The young man kept up a steady internal grumble as he catered for his unwelcome guest.

I am never getting rid of this guy. I mean seriously, how Buffy can forgive him so easily is beyond me. He tried to kill her for Christ sake and he nearly succeeded. Stupid undead bastard. As if sleeping with my best friend and my fiancée wasn’t enough. I swear: if he so much as looks at Willow wrong I will stake him all the way to next Tuesday.

Xander’s inner ranting was interrupted as Willow’s voice caught his attention. “Why did you do it Spike? Get the soul I mean.” He edged closer to the doorway, unashamedly eavesdropping, straining to hear the vampire’s answer.

Spike sighed. He’d known he’d have to explain himself sooner or later. At least it would be Willow he’d have to explain it to. Having taken a walk on the dark side herself, maybe she’d understand and not judge him too harshly.

“It all comes back to the girl,” he stated and seeing Willow’s worried look continued to explain. “Don’t worry Red, I’m not sliding back to babbling madness. I left that at the Hellmouth with the First. I’m just pointing out that for me, it always comes back to the girl: first Cecily, then Drusilla and now Buffy. Only exception to that rule was Angelus, but that’s a whole other story, innit? So yeah, I loved the girl, and I hurt her. I, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers, couldn’t stand the thought of nearly bagging my third one. The way she looked at me that night, as if she expected this, expected me to do this…it broke me. So I ran. Tried to become someone she deserved. All I managed to do was realize how much I didn’t deserve her. How much I still don’t.” The vampire concluded his speech in a pained whisper.

Willow immediately jumped up from her seat and rushed to his side. “I’m so sorry Spike,” she said wrapping her arms around him.

“I’m a monster, Red. I tortured and killed people. The whelp is right, I deserve everything I get.” Xander shuddered at the self-loathing underscoring Spike’s voice. The vampire’s matter-of-fact acceptance affected him more than Angel’s tortured declaration ever did. He shivered again and nearly missed Willow’s reply to the vampire.

“You didn’t have any control Spike. Your soul was gone, the demon took over your body and did those things,” she’d said in an attempt to comfort him.

Spike sighed. “I know what I was, Red. There’s nothing I can do about that now is there? It took me a while to accept that but I have. I can’t keep thinking about it or it will only drive me crazy. It took the Poof one hundred years to understand that. Me? I learn faster.” He paused, unsure whether he should continue. He took a deep breath and went on in the same flat tone, “You’re wrong about the soul not being present. When Dru turned me, the demon took over the body but the soul didn’t leave. Dunno why, probably because she was too out of it to do it right. Anyway, the soul may not have had control, but it was still there and there was nothing it could do about it. At first it tried to stop the demon, but it only managed to influence him in his least homicidal moments. It tried to stop him, the demon, from killing even if it seemed futile with the bloodlust being so strong… I keep thinking that there was something else the soul could have done. Maybe if I tried harder, if I did something different, the soul could have saved someone. Now that I means both of them, I’m not sure what to think. I’m both the demon and the soul Red, I feel guilty for the things the demon did and for the inability of the soul to stop him. It’s a bit unsettling, but I’ll deal. I am dealing.” As he spoke Spike’s voice had taken a desperate quality.

The witch’s eyes filled with tears and she hugged Spike tighter. “I’m so sorry Spike,” she whispered. “I didn’t know.”

Xander stood in the kitchen, lost in thought. He remembered the helplessness of being possessed by the hyena. Feeling her power wash over him; trying to stop himself from attacking Buffy but being unable to do anything but watch. Feeling responsible for actions out of his control; for not being able to stop himself. What would a hundred and twenty odd years of that be like, he wondered. The boy resolved to give Spike a chance to become more than an enemy.

He came back to himself to hear Willow softly crying. He could never stand to see his best friend cry so he grabbed a couple of sodas and the warmed blood and sauntered into the living room wearing his patented Xander Harris Infectious Smile, the one that always made Willow grin at him.

As he entered the room, the brunet started speaking in a very theatrical voice. “And now ladies and vamps we have for your drinking pleasure: The best decaf cola money can buy for the most beautiful little redhead this side of the moon and the reddest pig’s blood found at the corner butcher for yours truly’s favourite…well, least-annoying, creature of the night.” He presented both items with a flourish, delighting in Willow’s merry giggles before continuing, “Tonight we shall also have the greatest, tastiest, delicacies in this apartment: popcorn and assorted sweets. I’ll even throw in some mini-marshmallows for Bleach-boy here if he promises to dunk them quietly. I so don’t want to hear about the tastiness, texture or colour of blood-soaked marshmallows.” Turning to Spike he smiled at him and wagged his finger. “Promise?”

The vampire looked shocked at this display of friendliness, but rallied quickly and chuckled through a solemn vow never to mention anything to that effect for as long as he should unlive.

Xander went to get the rest of the goodies from the kitchen, leaving the others to put the DVD on. He came back to hand a separate tub of popcorn to Spike, just in case he wanted to drizzle blood on it, pointing out that the marshmallow-rule applied to this as well, and sat down next to Willow setting the second tub of popcorn between them.

“So, Wills, what are we watching?” he asked between mouthfuls of popcorn.

“I got ‘Kate and Leopold’,” she replied.

Both males groaned in dismay. Xander glared accusingly at Willow and said, “Oh, come on Willow, you promised: no girly films!”

The witch blushed, but stood her ground. “Yeah, but I’ve wanted to see this movie for ages it was on special offer and I know you’ll like it Xan, it’s not that girly,” she babbled and fluttered her eyelashes at her friend giving him her sweetest smile.

The boy sighed and said resignedly, “Ok Wills. You know I can never say no to you.”

Spike smirked. “Led through the nose, aren’t you Harris?” he drawled.

The brunet smirked right back at him. “Don’t make me remind you of over one hundred years of obeying every wish and whim of one insane vamp, Bleach-boy.”

“Yeah, but at least I got some sex out of it whelp.”

Xander started forming a reply but was interrupted by Willow laughingly scolding them, “Now stop it. The both of you. I wanna watch the movie.”

They settled down to watch the film. The boys bonded over scathing comments, Spike about the implausibility of Leopold’s world and Xander about the ridiculousness that was Kate.

At the end of the evening Xander kissed Willow goodnight, extracting promises of very manly films for their next meeting. He returned to the living room to say goodnight to Spike only to find that the vampire had already gone to his own room so he cleaned up the living room and went to sleep himself.

The next evening Xander decided to try and show Spike that he was willing to bury the hatchet. He knocked on the vampire’s bedroom door intending to ask him to hang out for a while. When he received no answer he hesitantly opened the door and called out, “Spike? Wanna come out and watch a movie with me? I got Blade II, figured it would be good for a few laughs.” He waited for a reply. “Spike? You in there?”

The brunet jumped as he heard a voice coming from behind him and turned around to see the vampire fresh out of the shower clad in nothing but a towel. “What was that whelp?” he said.

Putting his hand over his heart Xander managed to gasp, “Don’t do that!” before glaring at the blond and snapping, “That’s it, I’m getting you a bell! I did not survive several monsters and a hellgod to die of a heart attack because a vampire went ‘boo!’.”

Spike raised a quizzical eyebrow. “I’ll try to be more noise in the future,” he drawled. “Would you like me to stomp my feet maybe?”

To the blond’s surprise, instead of sniping at him, Xander burst out laughing. Trying to speak between giggle fits, he managed: “Stomping…you…like a…five year old…hee!”

The boy’s laughter was so infectious that Spike couldn’t help laughing himself, both of them slowly subsiding to wide smiles. “So, what did you want to tell me then?” Spike asked, still smiling.

Xander repeated his earlier offer of a movie. Spike accepted and after he got dressed they both settled down to watch the film, giggling like teenagers at the thought of evolved vampires. After the film was over, Xander realized that Spike was about to affect a quick escape much like he did the previous day. Before the vampire had time to get up from the couch the brunet turned to him and said, “We need to talk, Bleach.”

Spike was immediately on his guard.

“No good ever came of these words, pet. You of all people, should know that,” he said, surprising Xander into a mini-babble.

“What? No!” the boy exclaimed. “No bad here. All good in fact. I was just going to offer a truce. Really. All about burying the hatchet.”

The vampire was intrigued “A truce? Why?” he asked.

Xander earnestly tried to explain his reasons “I overheard you and Willow talking last night. I think I understand a little of what it must have felt like to watch the demon do what he did and you deserve a second chance. From me anyway. I’m not saying we’ll be best friends or anything, but I’d like to at least try and get along.” He paused for a moment. “So, what do you think?”

Spike contemplated the boy before him. “You’re serious about this then?” he asked.

“Yeah, I am. Look, Spike, we got along well enough last night and tonight didn’t we? No reason why we can’t keep getting along!” the brunet said.

“You’re right, pet. No reason why we can’t keep getting along,” the vampire whispered, something akin to hope shining in his eyes. Maybe he could find a place to belong again. Dawn and Buffy had forgiven him and it looked like Harris was finally giving him a chance to prove himself. The vampire hadn’t felt so optimistic since the day he got the soul.


~*~*~*~*~


Time passed, Xander and Spike kept on getting along. The vampire was now an integral part of the group and as the only two guys in an oestrogen-loaded gang, they drew together for protection as Xander laughingly commented one day when it seemed like all three girls were on a hormonally induced rage. They bonded over games of pool and action films and the vampire taught the boy the finest points of ‘proper football’.

The vampire was okay most of the time, the frequent nightmares and bouts of guilt-ridden madness he’d had when he’d first moved in had tapered off now that he was actively trying to make up for taking lives by saving them. Now that he belonged again.

Xander was very excited to have a guy friend. He hadn’t realised how much he missed male company until he started hanging out with Spike more. Tonight he was doubly excited and when he opened the door to the apartment he started yelling “Spiiiiiiike” at the top of his lungs.

“Calm down pet, vampire with sensitive hearing here,” the blonde grumbled coming in from the kitchen.

“Spike, ol’ buddy ol’ pal, I got us some goody good news,” Xander couldn’t help the grin spreading over his face.

The vampire smiled at the boy’s obvious joy. “What’s the good news then?” he asked.

“I got a raise!” Xander did a little dance around the couch and continued, “And not only that, but since I knew it was coming I planned ahead and we can get you human blood! Human blood Bleach! Don’t think I didn’t notice you were malnourished. Your ribs are sticking out Spike.” Xander stopped his excited monologue to glare accusingly at the vampire. “But anyway, I digress,” the boy returned to his previous exuberant state, resuming his little dance and babbling happily. “We can get you human blood, not a whole lot, but enough to make you better, and it will be voluntarily given human blood Willie promised, so no guilt! And, hey, do different types of blood taste differently?” the boy stopped dancing and grinned at Spike who burst into near hysterical laughter.

Xander frowned at the laughing vampire and asked worriedly “Spike? Are you okay?”

Spike tried to reply between peals of laughter. “Asked...Angel…money…blood…for me.”

“You asked Angel for money?” the brunet seemed very confused at that conclusion.

Spike finally calmed down enough to explain. “Not his money luv, mine. Angelus was big on luxuries and comfort. Set up accounts for all his childer. And me as well; seeing as he considered me one of his. Amazing how much interest accumulates for over a hundred years.” The vampire grinned trying hard not to burst into laughter again. “I finally swallowed my pride and asked the wanker for my money. Didn’t want to be a burden to you lot, you have enough to deal with without having to support a vampire as well, yeah?”

“Wow, you called Deadboy? Did you tell him about the soul?” Xander said in awed tones.

“He already knew pet. I refused to talk about it if you must know. I’m not ready to reconcile with the Grandsire yet. Anyway, seeing as I’m filthy rich now I’ll take care of the rent if you take care of the human food I like to eat. Deal?” Spike extended his arm for a handshake.

“Deal!” Xander was so excited about this development he pulled Spike into a hug. The vampire froze for a moment in surprise, but soon got over it and hugged Xander right back. The brunet closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the closeness…and then abruptly pulled back when he realised just how much he was enjoying it. He covered the potentially awkward moment by declaring that he was calling the girls and they were all going to The Bronze to celebrate.

Later that night as he was getting ready for bed, Xander pondered what he felt when he hugged Spike. Maybe he should start dating again. He was obviously in need of that kind of companionship. Tomorrow he’d ask Willow to arrange a date with that nice guy she’d been trying to set him up with for ages. Having made his decision he went to sleep.

Some time later he felt a spot of cool wetness on his neck. He groaned and arched into the feeling. There was a nibbling feeling all the way down his neck to his chest, with a small biting pause at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. The spot moved across his torso, settling for a moment on his nipples making him moan and chase the feeling. Ignoring his attempts to keep it on his stimulated nipple, the feeling slithered down his stomach, pausing to trace his belly-button and thrust inside a few times. Xander whimpered, wordlessly begging for more. The spot moved slowly down the trail of fine hair leading to his cock before sliding up to the crown. Next thing the brunet knew, the cool wetness surrounded his shaft and he helplessly thrust up. Xander opened his eyes to stare down at the most amazing set of blue eyes he’d ever seen. “Oh God…Spike!” he whimpered as the vampire pulled back and suckled on the tip of his cock.

The blond continued his assault on the shaft before him, dipping his tongue into the slit before devoting some attention to the boy’s balls, licking and sucking on them unceasingly. As Xander whimpered and moaned, he drew back again and looking up into glazed brown eyes he swooped down and engulfed the brunet’s entire cock in one move. The boy screamed and thrust up before experiencing the most intense orgasm of his life. “Spike?” he whispered before blacking out.





Part Two


Wherein Xander deals with his dream

Xander Harris was panicking. And we’re not talking the small ‘I’m late for work and can’t find my keys’ type of panic; we’re talking about the full blown ‘there’s a Hell God after us and Buffy’s catatonic’ type of panic.

Xander woke up not remembering much of his dream other than that he’d had the most bone-melting orgasm of his life. Then he started remembering bits and pieces of the dream until the most important detail finally revealed itself.

Oh my God… Spike! In my dream! Spike! In my dream! In my dream! Spike?! OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod! Right. Deep breaths Xan, deeeeeeeep breaths. No need to panic. You’ve known you swing both ways for a while now… and Spike is not exactly hard on the eyes. And isn’t that an understatement. The guy’s so hot it’s a wonder he doesn’t spontaneously combust.

Oh no. Nononononononono! Spike is not hot and I have no interest in him whatsoever. And now I’m just kidding myself. I mean really, the way those jeans cling to that ass is indescribably sexy. And when that very nice demon-of-the-week ripped his shirt off last week I did appreciate the sight of that oh so nicely muscled stomach.

Xander’s eyes glazed over as he contemplated Spike’s body before he snapped out of it and once again desperately tried to convince himself that he did not, repeat not, want Spike, sexy, lickable, bitable nipples or not. He failed miserably.

“Xander? Xander! Earth calling Xander… You okay? Is anything wrong?” Willow’s voice interrupted the brunet’s inner rant.

Xander shook his head as he accepted, to his utter and complete horror, that he did indeed have sexual feelings towards his undead roommate. “Hey Wills,” he said, sounding decidedly dejected and just a little bit horrified. “Yeah, there’s definitely something wrong.”

“Wanna share?” The redhead was getting worried.

“I had a dream about Spike.” Xander sighed.

“So? What’s wrong with that?”

“Well, he was doing stuff…good stuff…very good stuff. And now I realized I care about him, in a more than friendly way. And that is the bad in all this. He still loves Buffy,” he explained, blushing from embarrassment.

“Oh Xander…I’m sorry,” Willow said sympathetically, patting her friend’s shoulder.

“I know Wills. And he’s a friend now. It took us a long time to get to the point when I can actually say I like and trust Spike. I really don’t want to ruin that.” Xander sighed sadly before continuing, “So I’m starting a get-over-the-Vampire campaign, and you’re helping. You’re setting me up with that guy you know. Jeremy?” The brunet’s determination shined through.

Willow hugged him tight and promised to arrange for it as soon as possible.


~*~*~*~*~


That very same night the Scooby gang had a movie night at Xander and Spike’s apartment. Xander had spent the entire night alternating between surreptitiously watching the vampire and internally berating himself for falling for someone he couldn’t have.

The girls were getting ready to leave and Xander walked Willow and Dawn to the door smiling like a maniac, trying to cover his depressed and unsettled state. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing back at Spike only to see the vampire with his arm around Buffy’s shoulders smiling down at her fondly. The look of love underscored with longing evident in the blond’s eyes took a chip off Xander’s heart. He still loves her, and she doesn’t even realize it, he thought. At that moment any hope he had of Spike returning his feelings died. He was now even more determined to get over any romantic feelings he had towards the blond.


~*~*~*~*~


A few days later Willow had finally arranged the date she’d promised her best friend. Tonight was the big night and Xander had dressed very carefully, with not a single loud color or plaid in sight. In fact, dressed in simple grey slacks and a dark blue shirt, he looked very handsome indeed.

For the first time since he realized his feelings for Spike, Xander was mildly hopeful about the future. He had a date and if Willow liked this guy then odds where, Xander would like him too. Operation get-over-the-vampire was now on!

“What’s with the dressing up, luv?” Spike asked. “I haven’t seen you this well turned out since…well, ever!”

“Got a date Bleach.” Xander smiled shyly and continued, “You really think I look good?”

“Sure, pet” the vampire shrugged.

Xander was a little disappointed that the vampire didn’t really think much of his looks but he told himself that it didn’t matter, he wasn’t supposed to care what Spike thought of his looks anyway. At that moment there was a knock on the door.

“Could you get that? I still need to get my jacket,” the boy said as he headed towards his bedroom.

The blond grumbled all the way to the door. He opened it to reveal a nice-looking young man.

“Can I help you mate?” he asked.

“I’m looking for Xander Harris,” the young man replied politely.

“And what do you want with him?” Spike asked suspiciously.

“My name’s Jeremy, I’m here to pick him up. We have a date.”

You’re the date? But…but you’re a man!” Spike spluttered.

Jeremy looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“Hey, you must be Jeremy right? I’m Xander.” The brunet came out to introduce himself.

Before Jeremy managed to respond Spike burst out, “Xander, he’s a man!”

“Erm… I noticed.” Xander paused. “And why do you feel the need to point that out?” he asked, confused.

“Cause you don’t date guys!” the vampire said, every word dripping with exasperation.

“Maybe I should go…” Jeremy said, shifting from foot to foot.

Xander glared at Spike. What was he up to? Why was he acting so weird? “No, it’s ok Jeremy, would you just excuse us a minute?” He smiled warmly at his date and dragged Spike into the kitchen

“Are you trying to ruin my date before it even starts?” he hissed angrily.

“What date? You don’t date men!” The dumbfounded look in the vampire’s face could not be faked.

“You’re serious?!” The boy stared disbelievingly at the blond. “Spike, everyone knows I’m bisexual, how could it have escaped your notice?”

The vampire just looked at him for a minute before saying quietly, “You didn’t tell me.” He acted as if he was disappointed in him.

“I thought you knew,” Xander replied, equally quietly. “I have to go, Jeremy’s waiting for me,” he continued as he moved towards the living room.

Spike went out a few minutes after Xander did. He needed to kill something. The vampire didn’t know why his friend’s revelation had disturbed him so much. He had an alarming suspicion that the fact that Xan had gone on a date was more than a little responsible for his current homicidal mood and he liked that even less. He was in love with Buffy. He may have given up on any relationship with her, but that didn’t mean that he was over her.

He went home at midnight, still very tense. He’d taken care of three different kinds of demons and quite a few fledges but it’d done nothing to alleviate the feelings of confusion and anger, so he’d decided to call it a night. “Might as well go brood at home, and when did I turn into the blasted Poof?!” he growled.

The vampire had never returned home to find an empty apartment before. Xander was usually there, albeit asleep either on the couch or in his bedroom. The emptiness struck straight to Spike’s soul. For some irrational reason he felt abandoned. Calling himself all kinds of fool the vampire turned around and strode right back out the door, heading for the nearest bar to drown this annoyingly unsettling feeling in his gut.

Unlike his vampire roommate Xander spent the night having the time of his life. Jeremy was an eminently likable person and a highly entertaining date. They’d chatted and laughed their way through dinner and had arranged to meet again the next day. Getting ready for bed after returning home, the brunet sleepily smiled at the thought of seeing Jeremy again and patted himself on the back on the unmitigated success of his get-over-the-vampire plan. A few more dates like that one and he’d forget all about any feelings he had for Spike beyond simple friendship.


~*~*~*~*~


Unfortunately for the vampire but to the human’s great delight, Xander spent the next couple of weeks getting ready for a date with Jeremy, being on a date with Jeremy or coming home from a date with Jeremy.

Spike had managed to convince himself that he was only jealous of the time Xander devoted to his new boyfriend; time that had previously belonged to Spike. The brunet seemed to make time for everyone but him. The Willow-Xander Thursday nights that the vampire used to crash whenever he felt like it had mutated into Willow-Xander Friday lunches that he didn’t have a hope in hell of attending in one undusted piece. The nights were now completely devoted to Jeremy, the vampire being lucky to receive a greeting as Xander ran into the apartment, showered and changed and then disappeared again going Hell knew where with the boyfriend. By the time the brunet came back from his date Spike was out patrolling. The few times the vampire made the effort to be home, hoping to spent some time with his flatmate Xander had come in reeking of the other man and gone straight to bed sleepily saying goodnight and wasn’t Spike supposed to be patrolling right about now?

Xander on the other hand was walking on cloud nine. He had just embarked on a relationship with a nice normal guy and his life was finally going the way he wanted. Minimal exposure to Spike meant that his unwanted feelings for the blond had abated somewhat and though he missed his friend, he was too excited about Jeremy to think about it too much.

The young man was presently out on a date with said Jeremy and he was happily planning the rest of their night. So far they’d fooled around a bit in Jeremy’s couch and kissing for hours and groping through their clothes. Jeremy kept insisting that he wasn’t ready for more but tonight Xander was determined to take it at least a bit further. Grinning at the direction his thoughts were taking the brunet leaned close to his boyfriend and whispered in his ear that maybe it was time for them to head towards Jeremy’s apartment.

Safely ensconced in Jeremy’s couch the boys followed their usual procedure of increasingly passionate kissing. Just when Pat was about to interrupt with a suggestion to go home Xander whispered, “Let me touch you Jerry, please, just wanna touch.” He let his hand drop onto Jeremy’s lap massaging his erection, head nuzzling into his neck licking and sucking on the skin. Pat arched into his lover’s hand murmuring ‘yes’ under his breath, moaning incoherently when his trousers where expertly unbuttoned and pushed down, along with his boxers, and a warm hand enveloped his cock.

Xander encircled his lover’s cock and started gently pulling him, still licking and nibbling on his neck, whispering to him, “That’s it baby, moan a little for me, I love listening to you like this, so hot for me so right in my hand, come on sweetheart come for me, that’s it…” Jeremy couldn’t hold back his orgasm and as he came he heard Xander whisper hoarsely, “…that’s my Spike.”

And where the hell did that come from?!

“Xander?”

Xander resignedly looked up to see hazel eyes looking at him, hurt and accusations reflected in their depths. “I’m sorry Jerry I…” he sighed, “I don’t know what to say, I’m sorry.”

Jeremy took an unsteady breath. “Would you mind… could you leave now? Please.”

Xander got up and moved towards the door. When he reached the exit he turned around and timidly asked, “Could I still call you? Maybe in a few days? We could talk about this.”

“No. I don’t think I want you to do that.”

Xander nodded sadly and left.


~*~*~*~*~


Spike slammed the front door open and stalked into what he thought was an empty living room only to freeze when he saw Xander sitting in the dark holding a bottle of beer.

“Why are you here, I thought you had a big date,” he snapped.

“I…am a loser.” The boy kept staring off into space his tone flat and resigned.

“What are you on about pet?” Spike went from angry to concerned at his flat mate’s depressed expression.

“I had a nice relationship with a great guy. He is you know. Nice looking too.” Xander didn’t even hear the vampire’s growl at his description of Jeremy and went on in the same flat unemotional tones. “And what do I do? I screw it all up. D’you know what he said? He asked me if I minded leaving. I did that to him and he asked me if I could please leave.” The brunet gave a short bark of unamused laughter. “I’m such an idiot. I should have known this would happen. Not like I ever managed to hold together a successful relationship. Why would anyone want to stay with me? I am fundamentally unwantable.”

For reasons he refused to examine, the vampire couldn’t bear to let the boy think himself a loser, believing that no one wanted him. So he did the only thing he could think of at the moment: he sat down next to him on the couch and kissed him.

Xander froze for a second before responding passionately to the kiss he’d been aching for, dreaming of for weeks. His tongue set out to explore every single inch of Spike’s mouth and he reached out to pull the blond closer. Xander lost himself in the sensations, wanting this so badly he refused to think about consequences or allow either of them to hesitate.

After what seemed like hours full of passionate kisses Xander started tugging on Spike’s shirt trying to get it off the vampire’s body. The vampire pulled away from him. “Xander are you sure about this?” he asked worriedly.

“Sure I’m sure. Please take off your shirt,” the boy growled never ceasing his attempts to remove it. Spike finally complied and shed his shirt, throwing it next to them on the sofa. To the blond’s surprise Xander immediately attacked his neck, peppering it with kisses trailing down to his chest, licking across his torso and finally settling on his nipples, sucking and biting on one and tugging at the other with his fingers. The vampire couldn’t help but moan at the assault and arched into the brunet’s mouth, silently begging for more. Xander thrust his hips against Spike’s rubbing their crotches together, pressing down as hard as he could.

The boy suddenly leaped off the couch, grabbed the blond’s hand and dragged him into the bedroom where he resumed kissing him as thoroughly as possible, hands busy attacking the fastening of the tight jeans his lover wore.

With the first touch on his crotch, Spike finally threw caution to the wind and started taking a more active role in the lovemaking. He quickly divested both of them from the rest of their clothing, picked Xander up and laid him on the bed covering him with his body.

He kissed the boy passionately, letting his hands wander down the tanned back and angling his hips and thrusting slightly so that their erections rubbed together. Xander gasped breathlessly and tried to increase the friction, but Spike wouldn’t have it.

The vampire interrupted the kiss, trailing down Xander’s neck, before catching a nipple between his lips, giving it the same treatment the brunet had given his before. The boy moaned and placed his hands on Spike’s head trying to hold him in place. The vampire rested his hands on Xander’s hips and licked down his chest, pausing to dip his tongue in the boy’s navel. Then he stopped. Xander moaned loudly and brokenly begged for more.

“Xander? Pet, d’you have any lube?” the vampire enquired before briefly dipping his tongue in the boy’s navel again. The brunet whimpered and directed him to the bedside drawer.

After retrieving the tube Spike returned to his pleasurable task, finally moving lower and engulfing the brunet’s straining cock. Xander screamed at the feeling of cool wetness, so much better than the dream sensation he had before. Pulling back the vampire licked the head, his tongue dipping into the slit. At the same time he coated his fingers then reached under to stroke along Xander's cleft. He circled and teased the boy’s hole waiting until he bucked against the finger before slipping it inside and crooking it slightly looking for the hidden hot spot. He lifted his head to watch the brunet’s reaction to the penetration.

Xander tensed and screamed as the vampire stroked his prostate. “Again Spike, do it again,” he tremulously commanded. One more finger was added before the blond obeyed his lover’s instruction stroking the nub again, smiling at the breathless moans and entreaties coming out of Xander’s mouth begging him not to stop, to do it again, to give him more. A third finger came to play and Spike happily stretched the boy out, enjoying the reactions of his lover’s body until Xander couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please Spike fuck me…I need more…please,” he whispered between moans and shudders, hands grabbing the vampire’s shoulders, trying to pull him up and into position.

Unable to hold himself back any longer, the blond pulled his fingers from Xander’s twitching hole and slicked his cock as quickly as he could. He turned his lover around and lifted him onto his elbows and knees. He pressed the crown of his cock to the tight pucker and slowly pushed inside. He kept pressing forward, groaning at the heat and tightness, until he was completely enveloped and then he paused, trying to give the boy time to adjust.

“Oh God Spike, don’t stop, please don’t stop, I need you to move, just fuck me please Spike please,” Xander babbled deliriously, thrusting his hips and trying to force the vampire to move.

The vampire started a slow steady rhythm calculated to drive the recipient crazy, making sure to rub against Xander’s prostate every couple of thrusts. The brunet tried again to thrust against his lover’s cock, finally bursting out, “Spike, damnit fuck me harder, please, you’re driving me nuts”.

“Whatever you say, pet,” the blond whispered and began to thrust harder, faster, now hitting that sweet spot with every move. He reached down and wrapped his fist around the boy’s hard cock, pulling in time with his thrusts.

“That’s it baby, so hot, so tight, feels so good, can’t wait much longer pet, gonna cum, cum with me Xan…please luv,” Spike ground out, fucking Xander even harder, fisting the boy’s cock with renewed intensity.

“So close Spike…don’t stop…” the brunet shouted, feeling his sac draw up and he screamed out Spike’s name as he climaxed.

The blond felt the boy’s hole tightening and rippling around his sensitive cock and he growled as he too came before collapsing over his lover. Almost immediately he moved off Xander, to lie on his back next to him. The brunet snuggled against him and promptly fell asleep, not noticing the sadness evident in his lover’s eyes the minute the act ended.

Spike spent most of the night alternating between feeling guilty about what he perceived taking advantage of his friend and trying to find a way to explain what happened to Xander.


~*~*~*~*~


Xander woke up to find ice blue eyes watching him thoughtfully. He smiled sleepily at the blond hoarsely saying good-morning.

“Xander, we need to talk.”




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