Let Me Be the One


Xander squinted his eye and peered through the smoke, rain and general chaos trying to locate the familiar blonde hair or a glimpse of a long black leather duster. He needed, was desperate to find Spike.

When he finally accepted how he felt about the vampire, it was right around the time Andrew came back with the news that Spike was back and in LA with Angel. When the call for help came, Xander was outspoken and relentless in his pursuit of making sure they got that help. He had the unusual and fortunate opportunity at a second chance and he was going to make damn sure he took advantage of it.

He finally saw the flash of white he'd been looking for and a smile spread across his face. The smile quickly changed to a gasp of alarm when he saw the large, ugly demon sneaking up behind his vampire, which was exactly who Spike was even if he didn't know it yet. He shouted a warning while raising the loaded crossbow at his side. As the last remnants of his shout echoed around the dirty alley, he let the bolt fly and prayed all the hours of practice paid off and his aim was true.

Spike turned and Xander thanked the powers for vampire speed as a leather clad arm shot out and yanked the demon closer so the bolt barely missed Spike and embedded itself deeply in the demon's massive chest. The demon howled in surprise before toppling to the ground trapping Spike underneath its considerable bulk.

Xander closed the distance between them moving faster than he ever thought possible. He dropped to his knees and reached out a hand stopping just shy of touching the face which had haunted his dreams for months. Xander frowned at the closed eyes and the red slashes of blood streaked across the high cheekbones and pale skin. Full lips remained stubbornly closed and Xander would've given his other eye to hear Spike call him Whelp or Donutboy.

He pushed and pulled but the huge demon remained stubbornly exactly where it had fallen. He looked up in relief when Buffy and Angel ran up to join him. Slayer and vampire strength succeeded where his human strength had failed but he didn't care. He was just happy to have Spike free. He ran his hands over arms, legs and chest, carefully feeling for broken bones.

“Getting a bit friendly there Harris.”

Xander jumped at the familiar voice. “Spike! What were you thinking?”

“Was taking a stand against evil an' all that rot. Bein' a white hat yerself I woulda thought you'd understand.”

Xander laughed, scooped Spike's body half up in his arms and planted a kiss on shock slackened lips. Xander vaguely heard Buffy giggling and explaining the situation to Angel. He was a bit worried about Angel's reaction but stopped caring when Spike started to kiss him back. The little Xander in his head punched the air with a fist and started doing the Snoopy dance. Eventually he had to pull back when breathing started to become an issue but he kept his arms firmly wrapped around his vampire. He chewed his slightly kiss swollen lip and searched confused blue eyes. “What's the matter Spike? Never got it on with a guy before? After all those years you've been around? I'm surprised at you,” he teased.

He heard Angel laugh behind him. “No worries. He's most definitely been with - What?” Angel broke off when all eyes turned his way. Angel cleared his throat and pointedly ignored the stares of surprise. “Are you all right?” he asked Spike.

“I'm fine but I think Harris here needs some counselling or summat,” Spike said jerking his head slightly in Xander's direction.

Xander grinned as he recalled the hours spent in an office, which broke all the typical psychiatrist rules, learning to cope with loss. He sat on the brightly coloured chair and talked about the loss of his eye, the loss of Anya and finally the biggest loss of all which he'd kept hidden deep, even from himself. The loss he was secretly mourning and the one which had hurt him most deeply was the loss of a certain annoying yet loveable vampire.

“Spent many an hour talking it all out Spike. I know what I want.”

“Turns out our Xanny has had a crush on Spike for a long time,” Buffy added.

Spike raised an eyebrow. “What? You got the hots for ol' Spike?”

Xander leered back. “As a matter of fact...yes.”

Spike sat up so abruptly he almost hit Xander's head with his own. “What!?”

“C'mon Spike,” Xander said softly. “You must've known or even guessed? All those lame insults? The jealousy?”

The look of startled disbelief was starting to fade, leaving curiosity in its place. “Why?”

It was Xander's turn to feel shocked disbelief. “You have to ask? Well maybe you do, can't exactly look in a mirror can you? Spike...you're gorgeous and so strong ya know? Never give up and the way you care for somebody. I've watched you with Dru and Buffy and I want that. I was always so jealous but never understood why.”

“And now you do?”

“Yeah. I want it for me. I want you.”

“You... you want...me?” Spike asked, voice liberally laced with hope.

Xander smiled and reached out to entwine his fingers with Spike's. “Might turn out to be the worst relationship ever but somehow... I don't think so. What d'ya say Spike? Let me be the one?”

The End