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Equality
by
KittyPoker1
Part Six
"Oi, Watcher!"
At the sound of that unwelcome voice, Giles looked up from the text he was studying. He sighed. "What do you want, Spike?" His brow wrinkled. "Is something wrong? Is it Xander?"
"Yeah, and something's real wrong."
The Watcher jumped to his feet. "Why didn't you tell me immediately? Have you taken him to hospital?"
Spike snorted. "Not that kind of wrong. His back's okay. He slept like a baby and he's fine."
"Well, then? What in the name of all that's holy -- or possibly unholy -- are you talking about?"
Spike suddenly realised this wasn't going to be so easy. He'd have to tell the other man a lot more than either of them would feel comfortable with. He straightened. He had to talk to somebody, and Giles was the logical choice. He didn't think Angel would be interested in listening to the intimate details of his sex-life with Xander. Or maybe he would. You could never tell with the hulking poof. He had to get his jollies somehow, preferably in a non-soul-losing way.
He returned to the situation in hand, taking a deep breath and mentally girding his loins. "I want to talk to you, Rupert. Well, I don't really want to talk to you, never really want to talk to you, but ... don't have a choice, do I?" he said, resentfully.
Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. "Spike, what on earth are you wittering on about? If you don't want to talk to me, then don't. I assure you, I won't complain."
Spike walked over to the counter and began to rhythmically kick its base. "Got a problem, don't I? Got a big problem and I can't fix it on my own."
"Spike, kindly stop abusing the fixtures and fittings and tell me what's going on in that atrophied organ you call your brain," said Giles, rapidly losing what little patience he had with the vampire.
"No need to be nasty, Watcher," said Spike, stung. "I'm not as dumb as you all like to think."
"You do, however, appear to be suffering from a severe case of ADHD. Perhaps you should consider medication ...?"
Spike decided to ignore the snark and press on to more important matters. "You're not gonna like this, Rupert. But one of the boy's pet peeves is that I wouldn't tell his so-called friends what was going on with us, so ..."
"Xander?" said Giles sharply. "Are you still talking about Xander? What do you mean, his 'so-called friends'? We are his friends."
Spike laughed jeeringly. "Oh yeah, 'course you are. Never noticed a thing, though, did you? Like, that he hasn't been happy for awhile now."
Giles shifted uneasily. "I have no idea what you're rambling about. I haven't seen any change in him."
"Well, you bloody well should've! He feels unloved and unwanted and about as useful as a gnat at a picnic." He frowned. "I haven't helped any," he added, a tinge of unfamiliar shame colouring his voice.
"Nonsense," said Giles briskly. "He would have mentioned it to me, if he were unhappy." He stopped to process Spike's final words. "You haven't helped? What do you mean by that, precisely? And did you say ... tell me you didn't say that something is going on between the two of you, because that would require a leap of the imagination that I'd rather not make."
He took off his glasses again and began to polish them distractedly with the hem of his shirt, praying that Spike wouldn't say what he was very much afraid he might say.
Spike was pissed off. What was the point of mucking around? Might as well get it said. "Well, sorry to offend your delicate sensibilities an' all, Watcher, but we've been sleeping together for the past month."
Giles blanched. "I don't believe it. Xander hates vampires. You, most of all." He pondered for a moment then qualified the statement. "Well, apart from Angel."
"Believe it or don't," said Spike. "It's all the same to me." Except it wasn't. "Look, just trust me on this. I know that's a lot to ask, but I have to talk to you about some stuff and it'd help a lot if you'd take my word. We've been sleeping together. Having sex. As often and in as many positions as we can find."
Spike felt a pang of guilt. That wasn't the whole truth. You hardly ever kissed me, never let me fuck you.
Giles sat down heavily, jarring his spine. He hadn't been entirely frank; he had noticed that all was not well with the boy. Xander was apparently in trouble and, difficult though it was to accept, Spike seemed to be the key to helping him. He was surprised, but not shocked, that Xander had been having intimate relations with Spike. The vampire was almost as attractive as he was irritating.
"Very well, Spike, I'll trust you. And don't think that's an easy thing for me to say. But I saw the care with which you handled Xander last night and I'm inclined to give you some leeway. What do you want to ask me?"
Now that the time had arrived, Spike found it difficult to find the words. Oh, fuck it. Just say it, already. "He loves me, I think. I love him too but I've been shit slow about saying it. So he thinks I don't. He thinks I've just been using him."
Deciding to ignore Spike's declaration of love for the moment, Giles zoomed in on the final sentence. "Have you?"
"No! I told you, I love him." His voice dropped to a mutter. "Just didn't realise it until today, when he kicked me out again."
Giles was tempted to kick the vampire out, himself. Did he really want to hear this? Probably not, but he had to focus on helping Xander. If that meant facilitating this odd relationship, then so be it.
"Why did he kick you out?"
"Thought I didn't listen to him, didn't he." He stared at the floor. "I did, got the sense of it an' all, but didn't remember the details. He wanted me to remember the details. It was important to him. Fuck, I should have remembered!" He looked beseechingly at the other man. "Help me out here, Giles. Please?"
"Very well. I expect I'm going to regret asking, but what were these details?"
"First, he's not a jock. Second, he doesn't know if he's gay and doesn't care. Third, he doesn't fancy Willow because they're just friends. Fourth, he doesn't fancy you because you're practically his father. Fifth, I should remember why he broke up with me the first time," he rattled off. He stared at the Watcher, awed. "I remembered! I remembered every little thing. Why couldn't I have done that when he needed me to?" He gave the bottom of the counter a hearty, frustrated kick. "Bloody hell, Rupert, I'm such an prat."
"You really do love him," said Giles, wonderingly. "I didn't think vampires were capable of ..."
"Please, Watcher, don't go down that road. I've had The Chat with Xander. He gets it." He looked almost shyly at Giles. "What should I do now? I want him back, and not just for his comfortable apartment and cable and hot running water. I'd live in a bloody shack with him if he asked me to."
"Then perhaps you should tell him so. Er, you have no plans to turn him, do you?"
Spike was horrified. "Why would I do that?" he demanded. "He wouldn't be Xander, just some demon that set up shop in Xander's body. I like him just the way he is."
For the first time, Giles smiled. "Perhaps that's something else you should tell him. He might appreciate hearing it." His smile faded. "I suspect, Spike, that you are rather better at hearing than you are at listening. Although, oddly enough, Xander's words do appear to have lodged in your brain. A pity you didn't respond appropriately when it was needed."
"I'd just woken up, hadn't I? Never was a morning person, even when I was a person. Now he doesn't want to know. He said he never wants to see me again and ..." He stopped as the repaired door swung open. Buffy, Willow and Tara bustled in, chattering happily.
Buffy pulled up short at the sight of the blond vampire and her Watcher, apparently on excellent terms. "Spike."
"Buffy. Willow, Tara." Spike nodded a greeting in a curiously formal way, his mother's lessons in etiquette never quite forgotten. He was, however, dumbstruck when Xander appeared in the doorway in the wake of the girls.
He dithered for a moment then stepped hurriedly to his lover's side. "Xan, we have to talk. Now. There are some things we have to get straight. Please, love, let me talk to you," he pleaded.
Xander's face was a picture of confusion. Spike was acknowledging that they had a relationship -- in front of his friends. He had no idea what to say. In the past Spike had made it crystal clear that he wanted their connection kept secret. He desperately needed a pointer. What was he supposed to say? And what was Spike doing here, anyway? Xander had figured he'd be long gone by now. To LA and his grandsire, maybe.
"Damn it, pet, why are you just standing there? We have to go home and sort this out. Don't tell me you don't want to. I know you love me. At least, I hope you love me. And I definitely love you." Spike stopped, metaphorically holding his breath. If Xander said 'No', there wasn't a single thing he could do about it. He'd lose him forever ... and look like an even bigger wally than he did already.
Buffy finally recovered from her shocked stasis and spoke. "Spike! What the hell are you talking about? I'm sick and tired of seeing you bully Xander. Get out of here before I turn you into a dusty pile!" Everyone in the room ignored her, their eyes fixed on the couple in the doorway.
"You love me?" Xander's voice was very small.
Spike took a half-step forward and put his arms around the trembling body. "'Course I do, Xan. You're very lovable, you know. Very shaggable, too." He smiled and winked at Xander, who smiled back uncertainly.
"Everybody is looking ..."
"Let 'em look, pet. I'm proud of you. You're loyal and brave and beautiful and I want to be with you for the rest of your life. Never letting you go, sweetheart. You're mine." Spike turned them both and started to walk to the door, his gorgeous human tucked under his arm. The first step had been taken successfully. Now he had to get Xander home and convince him that they weren't over. They were just beginning.
Buffy stopped gaping. "Hey, wait a minute! I want to know exactly what's going on here. Xander, why are you letting that stupid vamp haul you around like that?"
Spike and Xander stopped and turned to face her. Spike opened his mouth to protest but Xander got in first. "Buffy, just shut up, will you? Spike isn't stupid and he isn't 'hauling' me anywhere. I want to go with him."
Willow finally found her voice and piped up. "Xand, I don't get it. Is something going on with you and Spike? Why didn't you tell me? We're best friends. You can tell me anything; don't you know that?"
Xander stepped away from Spike's sheltering arm and walked over to the redhead, taking her into his arms and hugging her to his broad chest. "I couldn't tell you about this, Will," he said, resting his cheek on the top of her head.
"Why not?" she asked in a muffled voice.
"'Twas my fault, Red. I wouldn't let him tell anyone. Wanted to keep him all to myself. I guess I figured you -- all of you -- would try to talk him out of it."
"You'd have been right," said Buffy. "This is just ... sick. Xander, can't you see how wrong it is?" demanded the blonde.
Xander straightened and glared at her. "How come it was the Romance of the Century when you were with Angel but me being with Spike is sick?"
Buffy had the grace to look uncomfortable. "That was different ... he has a soul ... he's good."
"Come clean, Buff. It bothers you that he's a guy, too, doesn't it? You know, the whole gay thing. All these years, you thought I was one thing and now it turns out I've got ... facets." He nodded. "Yep, I've got facets."
Willow sniffed. Buffy hadn't taken the news that she liked girls very well, either.
For once, the Slayer was speechless. Where was a good pun when you really needed one?
Giles decided a small intervention was required. "Buffy, Willow, I really think this is Xander's business. He's not a child and has the right to make his own decisions, even if we may question them. I, for one, believe that Spike means him no harm and I'm pleased to see that they appear to make one another happy. Er, at least I trust they will when they work through ... certain difficulties."
Xander returned to Spike's side and took his hand. "Thanks, Giles," he said gratefully.
"Yeah, Rupert, thanks. For everything."
With that, they were gone, leaving a worried Slayer and witch gazing after them.
Part Seven
Spike and Xander walked towards the apartment, silent, each lost in his own thoughts. Xander stopped abruptly and tugged on the vampire's hand until Spike turned to face him. "What just happened, Spike?"
Spike frowned. "Whaddya mean, love?"
"I just came out to my friends. Why did I do that?"
"Strictly speaking, I outed you."
"I could've said I didn't know what the hell you were talking about, though. You would have let me get away with that, wouldn't you?"
"It would have been hard, but yeah. Why didn't you just deny everything?"
Xander thought seriously about that. "I didn't want to," he said simply.
"So, I guess you came out because you love me and you were tired of keeping our relationship a secret?"
"Um, yeah. Weird. I wasn't actually sure we had a relationship." A toothy, happy, uncomplicated grin split his face. "You said you love me!"
"I did, pet," said Spike, slightly puzzled. "You got a problem with that?"
They started walking again.
"Depends."
"On what?"
"You any good at back rubs?"
Spike lifted his fingers and waggled them. "The best. Wait 'til we get home and I'll show you. You'll be a moaning puddle of goo in ten minutes flat."
"Okay, I could live with that." Xander thought again. "Can you really cook?"
"Oh, yeah. Italian a speciality. Dru really liked Italian. She could pretend the tomato sauce was blood and the meatballs were ... uh, never mind." He smiled reminiscently. "Sometimes they were."
"I know this has been said before, but ... euwww!"
Spike chuckled. "Better get over that squeamishness, pet. You're gonna be living with me for a long time and blood features big in my diet."
"I know that. I've been buying it for you, remember?"
"Yeah. I probably haven't thanked you for that."
"Fuck, Spike, you haven't thanked me for a damn thing. Especially not the fucks."
Spike grinned. "Well now, pet, that was very remiss of me. Have to do better in future, won't I?" He leered.
Xander shivered. "The occasional 'ta' wouldn't hurt." He glanced at Spike out of the corner of his eye to see the blond's reaction and smiled again when Spike snickered.
"Hell, pet, now you're starting to sound like me."
"Well, couples do that. Start to sound like one another, I mean. And we are a couple." There was a pause. "Aren't we?"
Spike recognised a cue when he heard one. Xander's insecurities needed petting and this time he wasn't going to duck it. He wound an arm around the boy's waist. "We are, Xan. We definitely are. And we'll have arguments and get right royally pissed off with one another to prove it. 'Cos couples do that, too."
"They do? I mean, my parents did but I hoped maybe we could avoid that stuff."
Spike pulled Xander closer to his side. "Not gonna happen, love. We're both too passionate and stubborn to live together in total peace and quiet. But that's a good mix in the bedroom -- or the living room or the dining room or the bathroom or ..."
Xander laughed happily. "I get it, Spike. We're gonna have sex in every room in the apartment."
Spike's smile was a little sad. "We already have, pet, but not the way we should've. It's gonna be different now." His smile widened and lost the touch of regret. "Anway, don't see why we have to restrict ourselves to the apartment."
Xander stopped again and drew Spike into his arms. Bending his head slightly, he touched his lips to his vampire's. "Me neither," he whispered.
Spike's response was immediate and enthusiastic. His mouth opened and his tongue slipped into Xander's mouth, the sensations created by the familiar wet warmth making his cock harden almost painfully against the zipper of his jeans. He thrust his tongue erratically in and out of Xander's mouth in mimicry of what he had every intention of doing with his now-rigid shaft, very soon.
Xander had dropped his hands to Spike's hips and he was grinding his equally hard erection against the vampire's, desperately seeking more stimulation.
You never let me fuck you. Spike pulled back suddenly as the plaintive words popped into his mind, ignoring Xander's protest. Right. That was going to change. But not here, on a dark, dirty street. A bit of romance was called for. "Xan, let's get home. I want you inside me."
Xander's brown eyes became huge, puppy dog huge. "Do you mean it?" he asked, shakily. "I thought Master Vampires didn't do that."
"Bugger that. So to speak. I love you; nothing else matters." He grinned. "'Sides, you seem to have such a good time when I fuck you I'd kinda like to find out what's so all-fired great about it from the fuckee's side."
~*~*~*~*~
By the time they reached the apartment they were almost running. They scrambled awkwardly up the stairs and Spike tapped his foot impatiently as Xander's trembling fingers fished his door key out of his pants pocket and tried to fit it into the lock.
They almost fell through the door when it finally opened. Xander kicked it shut with his foot and shoved the lean blond against the nearest wall. His mouth fell hungrily onto Spike's and he nipped and licked at his lips until they parted, their tongues soon duelling sweetly. He moved to Spike's neck -- a major erogenous zone for the vampire, unsurprisingly -- and groaned as Spike threw back his head to give him better access. Xander took full advantage, kissing and nibbling up and down the pale column. Their hips were thrusting wildly, both seeking to relieve the pressure in their swollen cocks.
In a replay of their first encounter, a month before, Xander dropped to his knees and reached to pull down Spike's zipper and reveal his other pale column.
"No, Xan," grunted the blond, tenaciously hanging onto the decision he'd made earlier.
"No?" Xander almost squeaked.
Spike reached down and grabbed Xander's upper arms, pulling his boy into a standing position again. "No, love. I don't want that. At least, not right now." He smiled nervously. "I told you, I want you to fuck me."
"Don't think I can do that, Spike."
Spike pouted and Xander leaned forward to kiss the protruding lower lip, briefly sucking it into his mouth. He drew back again. "But I can make love to you. Would that be okay?"
Spike sighed in relief. "Yeah, sweetheart. That'd be wonderful."
Xander took Spike's hand and led him into the bedroom. He pulled back the bed covers then turned back to the vampire. He pushed the leather duster off Spike's shoulders then untucked his t-shirt from the tight black jeans, pulling it up and over Spike's head. He smiled affectionately at the result.
"What?" asked Spike, confused.
"Your hair's a mess."
Spike raised a hand to smooth his gelled, now spikey, bleached locks but Xander stopped him.
"Don't. I like it. You look ... cute."
"No, I don't," replied the blond indignantly. "Master Vampires aren't cute."
"Anything you say, baby," replied Xander, entirely failing to suppress his smile. He kissed Spike again, reigniting their passion as his fingers fumbled with the vampire's belt buckle and released it, then pulled down his zip. Spike's rock-hard cock leapt into his waiting hand and he stroked it, firmly and slowly. "Take off your boots and jeans," he murmured. "I want to see all of you."
Spike hurried to comply while Xander took off his own clothes. They faced one another, naked, hard cocks jutting from tangled thatches of pubic hair.
Xander pulled Spike onto the bed and covered the ivory body with his own. Their swollen, leaking pricks slid against one another and they moaned in unison. He began to move down Spike's body, licking, kissing and sucking every gorgeous inch, tracing the sharply delineated lines of Spike's six-pack with the tip of his tongue. When he reached the vampire's shaft he kissed the head and licked off the gathering pre-come as Spike writhed and groaned needily under him. He gently pushed the blond's legs towards his chest. Taking the hint, Spike slid his own arms underneath his thighs and pulled them up.
Xander gasped as Spike's puckered entrance was revealed to his greedy gaze. He'd never seen Spike from this angle before and it was the most beautiful sight he could imagine. He hesitated for a moment and looked up into the blue eyes gazing down at him. "Are you sure about this, Spike?"
"For fuck's sake, Xan, get on with it. I want this, want you in me. Now!"
The young man smiled. "In a moment. I have to prepare you first." He reached over to the bedside table and picked up the lube that permanently resided there. He'd never used it on Spike before but he knew what to do. He flipped the top of the tube and spread a generous amount on his fingers. Carefully, he pushed his index finger into Spike's waiting hole until it was buried inside the vampire's body.
Spike grunted but there was only pleasure, not pain.
Xander added another finger, then a third, carefully stretching Spike's hole. When he crooked them and scratched across the vampire's prostate, Spike arched and almost howled. "Holy fucking shit!!"
Assuming from the blond's reaction that he wouldn't object to more, Xander removed his fingers and, crouching over Spike, lined up the head of his cock with his pucker. He slowly pushed inside, gasping at the virgin tightness of the velvety channel surrounding the head of his cock. He pushed harder until he was fully seated inside Spike's body, their balls resting snugly together.
Spike was stunned. Why had he resisted this for so long? He felt ... complete. His beloved human was filling him, completing him. He gasped when Xander began to move, thrusting in and out and stroking his prostate with his cockhead on every second or third push, then whimpered when the man took his weight on one elbow and wrapped a warm hand around his rigid cock and began to pump it. Then Xander bent down and kissed him. Unable to hold back any longer, Spike spurted his white, viscous release over Xander's hand and his own chest and belly.
As Spike's muscles contracted around his cock, Xander's balls lifted and tightened and he came, filling the vampire's channel with his warm semen. He slumped over Spike bonelessly, completely sated. Pulling his softening shaft from the blond's body, he fell sideways to lie on his back beside him. He looked over at Spike, expecting to see blue eyes looking back at him. His heart jumped when he saw golden eyes and a deeply ridged forehead. He carefully raised his hand and stroked the blond's gameface, unafraid.
"Is it okay, love? Do you mind?" Spike waited anxiously for Xander's reply.
"No, Spike, I don't mind. I'm just very happy you finally feel comfortable enough to show me your true face in a non-scary, non-threatening way." He paused. "Do you think ... if I want you to bite me, do you think the chip'll stay quiet?"
"You want me to bite you?" Spike was gobsmacked. He hadn't expected this.
"Yeah, I do. It's the closest connection a vampire can make with a human, I figure, drinking their blood. Even more than sex. And I want to feel as close to you as I can."
"Me too, pet. Let's try it." Spike nuzzled into Xander's neck, fearful of a potential migraine but willing to take the risk to complete the bond with his human lover. He slid his razor sharp fangs into Xander's flesh and began to drink. To his relief, the chip decided not to make its presence felt.
Xander's blood tasted incredible -- he could almost feel the brunet's love for him in the coppery fluid slipping down his throat. With an effort of will, he stopped after a few mouthfuls and began to gently lick the twin wounds until they closed.
He leaned back and gazed into the brunet's eyes. "I love you, Xan. Thanks for trusting me."
"I love you too, Spike. It never even crossed my mind that I shouldn't trust you."
Spike lifted a quizzical, scarred eyebrow.
"Okay, so maybe it crossed my mind. Wasn't about to let that stop me, though."
Spike hugged him, hard. "That's my beautiful, brilliant, honest boy. I'm an evil vampire, after all," he said proudly.
"Uh-huh. Now, about that back rub ..."
The End
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