Rating: NC-17 for violence and smut
Series: hell no!
Summary: See title...
Disclaimer: Well...I have the crappy job. Does that count for anything? I'll trade it for Spike and Xander, though. :)
Warning: Nasty killing death type thing here. Graphic. Icky. You might not like.

Work Sucks


This was such a crappy job.

Xander knew crappy jobs. Hell, he was the resident *expert* on crappy jobs, having held practically every one imaginable.

And *this* was a *crappy* job.

He was trying. Xander was trying *very* hard not to lose his cool. To stay calm, collected. Suave.

He felt his eye twitch as yet another customer proceeded to prove that she had very little in the way of either brains or common sense.

God, this was such a crappy job...

Xander very purposely moved his hand further away from the letter opener. Best to avoid the temptation, no?

His eyes glazed over as the woman's high-pitched, nasal voice continued to drone on...

//Mmmm...Spike... Yeah, let's go think about our favorite subject, instead. So much more fun...//

The door chimed as it opened, admitting the lean, leather-clad form of his lover. Xander immediately perked up. "Spike..." he growled in a husky voice.

"Fancy meetin' you here, pet. Fancy a spot of violence?"

Xander grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Like what?"

"Well..." Spike glanced meaningfully at the woman who was *still* nattering on . "You could start with her. Lemme see what you've picked up from my bad influence."

"Yeah?" He flicked a glance toward the letter opener, somewhat surprised to see that it had been replaced by a gleaming, long-bladed knife.

"C'mon pet, you know you wanna." Spike draped himself over the counter, invading Xander's personal space. Not that this was something Xander minded.

His fingers itched to curl around the knife, and he slowly let them inch forward. Knife firmly in his grasp, he tilted his head to meet sparkling blue eyes that were fairly brimming with mischief. "You...wanna help?"

"Oh no, pet. Don't let me get in your way. This time is for *you*." Spike snaked a hand out, grabbing Xander by the back of the neck and dragging him in for a deep, possessive kiss.

Xander whimpered when those cool lips finally released his own, and he let his tongue dart out to capture any lingering traces of Spike's taste. He smiled somewhat dazedly, then shook himself. Still holding the knife, he calmly walked out from behind the counter.

The woman rambled on, oblivious to her impending fate. Until, of course, Xander waved the knife in front of her face, watching as the blade caught the light. She gasped in horror, backing up sharply. But Spike had managed to move behind her in a maneuver that Xander didn't fully comprehend nor try to analyze. It was enough that the vampire's hands clamped down almost gently on the woman's arms, preventing her from escaping.

"Scream for him, luv," Spike whispered in her ear. "Scream pretty, now."

And she did. As the knife bit into the flesh of her arms, just above where Spike's pale hands held their grip. As the blood trickled out over the pristine blade, staining it a deep crimson. As it carefully cut a path up her arms to her shoulders, over her collarbone, then down her chest. As the garish pattern of her blouse was obliterated by the blood that welled up and dyed it, she screamed loud and long.

Xander laughed cruelly, letting the knife dig in deeper, sending the woman into a flurry of panic, legs kicking up as she struggled in Spike's grasp. Snarling, Xander plunged a hand into her oh-so-perfect hair and wrenched her head back. "I really, *really* can't stand people like you," he hissed, teeth bared.

Spike watched proudly as Xander laid the edge of the knife carefully against the fragile skin of the woman's neck. "Beg," he suggested in a voice thick with humor. "Beg, and he might let you live."

And she did. Begged and pleaded with everything she had. Tears streaming down her cheeks as she tried unsuccessfully to flinch away from the deadly weapon.

Xander tilted his head as he listened to her pleas, waiting patiently until they had degenerated into a desperate babbling. Then he smiled. "Sorry," he whispered. "But then again, not really." He slashed quickly, the blade slicing easily through flesh, parting skin and cutting deep into arteries that immediately began to spew their rich contents.

Spike released the woman, who fell limply to the floor, her life spurting out to form a bright pool under her. "Oh pet, that was...beautiful," he breathed, lust coloring his voice.

"You think?" Xander lifted the blood-coated blade, and his tongue snuck out to lick delicately at a drop of blood running down his wrist.

"Oh yeah." Spike jumped, knocking Xander to the floor. He loomed over the man, eyes flashing yellow with barely-restrained passion.

Xander groaned, bucking up. Clothes disappeared as if by magic, and cool flesh was pressed insistently up against his, seeking, demanding. His legs were lifted, parted, bent to his chest. One finger -- no, two...three? -- pressed inside him, staking their claim on his willing body. He wailed as they vanished, quickly replaced by something larger, more forceful.

Spike thrust hard into Xander, letting out an involuntary gasp as he was enveloped by silky heat. He gave up all pretense of control, pounding hard and deep into Xander as the human writhed and squirmed under him, canting his hips up in a silent plea for more.

Xander's hands scrabbled for purchase on the floor sticky with drying blood. He gave up, finally resting them on Spike's arms as the vampire fucked him forcefully, his cock plunging in and out with ruthless abandon, raking over his prostate with unerring accuracy.

Then Xander came, semen pulsing from his cock to splatter over his stomach and chest. And still he was being taken. Used. Fucked brainless. Well hell, would anyone notice the difference?

God, Xander's body was so tight around him, muscles rippling and quivering around him as if trying to wring his own orgasm from him. And they succeeded. With a howl, Spike released his seed inside of Xander, pressing himself as close as possible to the hot, sweaty body of his lover, never wanting to leave this wonderful place.

Gasping, Xander struggled to lift his head, peering through heavy lids up at the vampire who had collapsed on top of him. "Spike...god, I love you."

Spike let out a tired bark of laughter. "Aw Xanpet, I lov--"

"Excuse me. *Excuse me!* Young man, are you listening to me!?"

Xander jerked his head up, blinking furiously, a blush stealing over his cheeks. Confused, he stared blankly at the obviously irate woman, who proceeded to launch into an even higher-pitched tirade than before.

He sighed. This was *such* a crappy job...

The End

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