What Makes My Da Sad

Kahuna Burger

"Spike, could you come in the kitchen a moment?"

The vampire was instantly on guard. The kitchen was the farthest room in the house from Liam's bedroom, where the little tyke was currently doing his homework. The oh so casual summons, shortly after Liam got home... Spike took a quick peek, and yeah, Xander was going through his completed assignments folder.

"There a problem, luv?"

"Just a little one... apparently Liam's class is doing writing assignments about emotions this week."

"That's... a good topic?" He wasn't sure where the trouble would be coming from, he didn't help with Liam with any writing on emotions.

"Apparently, yesterday in class they wrote essays on 'Sadness'. Would you like to hear our son's essay?"

Could he really get in trouble for something the little guy wrote in class? "Yes?"

"Oh good, because I really want to read it to you... *ehem* What Makes My Da Sad, by Liam Harris-Pratt. My Da gets sad when Man U loses on the telly."

Spike grinned. "Aw, that's sweet that he notices, don't you think?"

"Oh yeah, 'sweet' is definitely what's going through my mind. As I was saying : Man U is what he calls Manchester United for short. They play football, which bloody stupid Americans call soccer."

The vampire's grin slipped a little but he did his best. "Well, that's nice that he knows his culture, yeah-"

"When they score less points than the other team, Da starts to get really thirsty. He drinks lots of his grownup apple juice, sometimes right from the bottle."

"Oh, um, I guess that sounds..."

"He gets sad about how the refs can't see. Their mommies are all impotent fungus demons, who I guess can't see well."

"Now, 'impotent', that's a big word for a tyke his age to be using, that's real good, don't you-"

"He says he wants to go and show them how the play really went, but they all have their heads in silly places. Sometimes he's so sad that he starts using words I don't know, that Daddy says are grownup words I shouldn't use yet."

Spike just waited it out.

"I wish the other team weren't Faryl buggering wankers, so Man U would win all the time and Da would never be sad. And he drew a picture."

"Yeah? Oh hey, that's not bad, he's got my vamp ridges and, uh, my boots..."

"And a little speech bubble that says 'I'll bathe in your blood!'..."

"Um, yeah, that's uh... I have to go to Willy's to watch the game from now on, don't I?"

"Uh huh."

"...Could have been worse, you know."

"Oh really, how? Enlighten me, Blondie."

"Could have written it about you."

Xander looked suspiciously at the smirk slowly spreading across Spike's face. "And how would that be worse?"

"What Makes My Daddy Sad : Daddy gets sad when Da has to get dressed in the morning..."

"Oh you are dead, Blood Breath!"

"He says Da should just wear his towel all day long after a shower..."

In his room, Liam heard the unmistakable shriek of his Da getting tickled and smiled. His teacher wanted him to draw a big picture for "Happy" in tomorrow's class. He knew just the thing.

A/N : Today was the first game of Notre Dame's football season, and apparently they weren't doing well in the first half. The Hubby's ND sports board included several Just Wrong yet funny anectdotes from Irish fans realizing just how much their kids noticed...

The End